and this is all from a guy who doesn't like like me

Chris Pratt, attractive rich heterosexual white man, says he doesn't feel represented in Hollywood.

America’s favorite Average White Man has an interview with People magazine ahead of the sequel to Guardians of the Galaxy.  

“I don’t see personal stories that necessarily resonate with me, because they’re not my stories,” Pratt, 37, told the magazine. “I think there’s room for me to tell mine, and probably an audience that would be hungry for them. The voice of the average, blue-collar American isn’t necessarily represented in Hollywood.”

I’m actually amused by how earnest he is.  Has he ever even been to the movies?

I’m pretty sure there’s a whole genre of movies based on average, blue-collar American white men literally saving some brown person’s country or the entire planet or whole other planets.  

I’m pretty sure there’s a whole genre of movies where average, blue-collar American white men pine after some woman who is probably too good for them and then a whole lot of stuff happens in the middle where she realizes whoever she’s with is a dick and she should be with the protagonist instead so the average guy can get the girl.

I’m pretty sure there’s a whole genre of movies where average, blue-collar American white men – who are usually from Chicago or Boston – go into a life of crime for some noble reason (or not) and we sit for 90 minutes rooting for a “hero” who is literally breaking the law in every frame and/or killing people.

Chris Pratt sounds like someone strapped him in to a chair and made him watch Moonlight for 17 days so now he forgot that Hollywood is literally founded on white mediocrity.  But wait!  There’s more:

“I really feel there’s common ground out there that’s missed because we focus on the things that separate us,” he said. “You’re either the red state or the blue state, the left or the right. Not everything is politics. And maybe that’s something I’d want to help bridge, because I don’t feel represented by either side.”

I actually do think there’s common ground out there, and the common ground is the provable fact that the vast majority of Americans are a lot less prosperous than they realize, especially in comparison to the corporations they work for where all of the money is being hoarded.  Our common ground as Americans would be redistributing the enormous wealth of this country so that we all could experience a higher standard of living.  Unfortunately, that’s not possible because the things that separate us (mostly race, class, education, and location) are effectively used by our political system to keep an Us vs Them society among average Americans.  This ensures that we don’t turn the country into a Haves vs HaveNots society where the overwhelming majority of Americans would define themselves as the HaveNots if they were thinking clearly and less concerned with how much they have in comparison to a neighbor who doesn’t look and/or think like they do.

But that’s not where Chris Pratt is.  Chris Pratt is one of those Everybody Is So Upset, Can’t We All Just Get Along? yokels who doesn’t want to deal with conflict.  He doesn’t have to deal with the day to day consequences of politics so to him, not everything is politics.  I’d love to see what kind of bridge he is planning to make with his everyman blue-collar American heterosexual movie that speaks to him and has never been done before repeatedly.  Let me know how it is.  I’ll go spend my HaveNot money on something else.

I'm so much happier ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š now that I'm dead๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ’€. Technically ๐Ÿค”missing๐Ÿ•ต. Soon to be presumed dead๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ’€. Gone๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿป. And my lazy ๐Ÿ’ค lying ๐Ÿ˜ˆ shitting ๐Ÿ’ฉ oblivious ๐Ÿ™„husband ๐Ÿ’‘ will go to prison ๐Ÿš“ for my murder ๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ”ช. Nick Dunne took my pride and my dignity and my hope and my money๐Ÿ’ฐ. He took and took from me until I no longer existed. That's murder๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ”ช. Let the punishment fit the crime. To fake a convincing murder ๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ”ช you have to have discipline๐Ÿ’ช. You befriend a local idiot๐Ÿ’. Harvest the details ๐Ÿ‘€๐Ÿ“ of her hundrum life and cram her with stories ๐Ÿ“š about your husband's ๐Ÿ’‘ violent temper ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก. Secretly create some money ๐Ÿ’ฐ troubles: credit cards ๐Ÿ’ณ, perhaps online gambling๐Ÿ’ป♠๏ธ♣๏ธ♥๏ธ♦๏ธ. With the help of the unwitting๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿป, bump upโฌ†๏ธโฌ†๏ธ your life insurance๐Ÿ’ต. Purchase getaway car๐Ÿš˜. Craigslist. Generic. Cheap. Pay cash๐Ÿ’ต. You need to package ๐ŸŽ yourself so that people will truly mourn ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ your loss. And America ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ loves ♥๏ธ pregnant ๐Ÿ‘ถwomen ๐Ÿšบ. As if it's so hard to spread your legs. You know what's hard? Faking a pregnancy ๐Ÿ‘ถ. First, drain your toilet๐Ÿšฝ. Invite pregnant ๐Ÿ‘ถ idiot ๐Ÿ’ into your home ๐Ÿ  and ply her with lemonade ๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿ‹. Steal ๐Ÿค— pregnant ๐Ÿ‘ถ idiot's ๐Ÿ’ urine ๐Ÿšฝ. Voilà! ๐ŸŽ‰ A pregnany is now part of your legal medical record ๐Ÿ—ƒ. Happy Aniversary๐Ÿ’‘๐ŸŽ‰. Wait for your clueless โ” husband ๐Ÿ’‘ to start his day ๐Ÿ“†. Off he goes... ๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿป and the clock is ticking โฑ. Meticulously stage ๐ŸŽญ your crime scene ๐Ÿ•ต with just enough mistakes to raise the specter of doubt ๐Ÿค”. You need to bleed ๐Ÿ’‰. A lot๐Ÿ’‰๐Ÿ’‰. A lot, a lot๐Ÿ’‰๐Ÿ’‰๐Ÿ’‰๐Ÿ’‰๐Ÿ’‰. The head wound ๐Ÿค• kind of bleed ๐Ÿ’‰. A crime scene ๐Ÿ•ต kind of bleed ๐Ÿ’‰. You need to clean; poorly๐Ÿ‘Ž, like he ๐Ÿ’‘ would. Clean and bleed ๐Ÿ’‰, bleed ๐Ÿ’‰ and clean. And leave a Little something behind: a fire ๐Ÿ”ฅin July๐Ÿ“†? And because you're you๐Ÿ‘ธ๐Ÿผ, you don't ๐Ÿšซ stop there. You need a diary ๐Ÿ“’. Minimum three hundred 3๏ธโƒฃ0๏ธโƒฃ0๏ธโƒฃ entries ๐Ÿ“ on the Nick and Amy ๐Ÿ’‘ story ๐Ÿ’ญ. Start with the fairy-tale early days: those are true, and they're crucial. You want Nick and Amy to be likable๐Ÿ’–. After that, you invent. The spending๐Ÿ’ธ, the abuse๐Ÿ‘Š๐Ÿป๐Ÿ’ฅ, the fear๐Ÿ˜ฑ, the threat of violence๐Ÿ”ช. And Nick thought he was the writer๐Ÿ“... burn it๐Ÿ”ฅ, just the right amount. Make sure the cops ๐Ÿ‘ฎ will find it ๐Ÿ•ต. Finally, honor tradition with a very special treasure ๐Ÿ’Ž hunt. And if I get everything right โžก๏ธ, the world ๐ŸŒŽ๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒ will hate ๐Ÿ˜ก Nick for killing ๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ”ช๐Ÿ”ช his beautiful ๐Ÿ˜‡, pregnant ๐Ÿ‘ถ wife ๐Ÿ’‘. And after all the outrage ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก, when I'm ready, I'll go out on the water ๐ŸŒŠ with a handful โœ‹๐Ÿป of pills ๐Ÿ’Š๐Ÿ’Š๐Ÿ’Š and a pocket full of stones. And when they find my body ๐Ÿ’†๐Ÿผ, they'll know: Nick Dunne ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿป dumped his beloved ๐Ÿ’‘ like garbage ๐Ÿšฎ, and she floated past all the other abused, unwanted, inconvenient women ๐Ÿšบ๐Ÿšบ๐Ÿšบ. Then Nick ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿป will die ๐Ÿ˜ต๐Ÿ’€ too. Nick ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿป and Amy ๐Ÿ‘ธ๐Ÿผ will be gone ๐Ÿ‘‹๐Ÿป, but then we never really existed. Nick ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿป loved a girl ๐Ÿšบ I was pretending to be. "Cool ๐Ÿ˜Ž girl ๐Ÿšบ". Men ๐Ÿšน always use that, don't they? As their defining compliment: "She's a cool ๐Ÿ˜Ž girl ๐Ÿšบ". Cool ๐Ÿ˜Ž girl ๐Ÿšบ is hot ๐Ÿ”ฅ. Cool ๐Ÿ˜Ž girl ๐Ÿšบ is game ๐ŸŽฒ๐ŸŽฎ. Cool ๐Ÿ˜Ž girl ๐Ÿšบ is fun ๐ŸŽ‰. Cool ๐Ÿ˜Ž girl ๐Ÿšบ never ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿšซ gets angry ๐Ÿ˜ก at her man ๐Ÿšน. She only smiles โ˜บ๏ธ in a chagrined, loving ๐Ÿ’• manner. And then presents her mouth ๐Ÿ‘„ for fucking ๐Ÿ‘‰๐Ÿ‘Œ. She likes ๐Ÿ‘ what he likes ๐Ÿ‘, so evidently he's a vinyl hipster ๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿ‘“ who loves โค๏ธ fetish Manga ๐Ÿ“š. If he likes girls gone wild ๐Ÿ‘™, she's a mall ๐Ÿ› babe who talks football ๐Ÿˆ and endures buffalo wings ๐Ÿ— at Hooters ๐Ÿˆ๐Ÿˆ. When I met Nick Dunne ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿป I knew he wanted "Cool ๐Ÿ˜Ž girl ๐Ÿšบ". And for him, I'll admit: I was willing to try. I wax๐Ÿ•ฏ-stripped my pussy ๐Ÿ˜ฝ raw. I drank canned beer ๐Ÿบ watching Adam Sandler ๐Ÿ’ฉ movies ๐Ÿ“ผ. I ate cold โ„๏ธ pizza ๐Ÿ• and remained a size ๐Ÿ‘— two 2๏ธโƒฃ. I blew him ๐Ÿ†๐Ÿ‘„, semi-regularly. I lived in the moment. I was fucking game ๐ŸŽฒ๐ŸŽฎ. I can't say I didn't enjoy some of it. Nick ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿป teased out in me things I didn't know existed. A lightness โ˜€๏ธ, a humor๐Ÿ˜‚, an ease. But I made him smarter ๐Ÿค“. Sharper. I inspired him to rise โฌ†๏ธ to my level. I forged the man ๐Ÿšน of my dreams ๐Ÿ’ญ. We were happy ๐Ÿ˜Š pretending to be other people. We were the happiest ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š couple ๐Ÿ‘ซ we knew. And what's the point of being together if you're not ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿšซ the happiest ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š? But Nick ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿป got lazy ๐Ÿ’ค. He became someone I did not ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿšซ agree to marry ๐Ÿ‘ฐ๐Ÿผ. He actually expected me to love โค๏ธ him unconditionally. Then he dragged me, penniless ๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿšซ, to the navel of this great country ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ and found himself a newer, younger ๐Ÿ‘ง๐Ÿผ, bouncier cool ๐Ÿ˜Ž girl ๐Ÿšบ. You think I'd let him destroy ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿ‘Ž me and end up happier ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š than ever? No ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿšซ๐Ÿšซfucking way. He doesn't โŒ get to win ๐Ÿ†. My cute โ˜บ๏ธ, charming ๐Ÿ˜‰, salt-of-the-earth Missouri guy. He needed to learn ๐Ÿ“๐Ÿ“š. Grown-ups ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿ‘ด work ๐Ÿ’ช for things. Grown-ups ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿ‘ด pay ๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต๐Ÿ’ต. Grown-ups ๐Ÿ‘ฑ๐Ÿ‘ด suffer consequences ๐Ÿ˜–.
  • Pete: Hi
  • Brendon: it was the summer of 2001, and Joe meets Patrick and he's like "yo, I know about music." then Patrick's like "yo I know more about music!" "that's impossible. so you wanna start a band?" and Patrick's like, "yeah that's cool." and then, he's like "yo this is a book store not a music store." and then they met at Patrick's house. so Patrick's wearing shorts, socks, and a hat. Patrick is playing drums for some fuckin' reason and then Pete's there for some reason. and they start playing music together and they're like "oh, let's play some covers from some other bands." it was like Green Day, and fuckin' Misfits, and fuckin' Ramones. Pete said to Joe, "yo, that's dope, but we need a fuckin' drummer." because Patrick's playing drums and he's a singer. Patrick's like "yo, I got a soul voice," and they're like "wait how do you have a soul voice?" and he's like "yo, watch this: YEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEeeeeeeAAAAAAAAaaaaAAaahhh!" and they're like, "oh my god, that sounds like soul!" so they put it in a song, and it was like, "WHERE IS YOUR BOY TONIIIIIIIiiiiiIIIIIIIIIiiiIIIIIIIGHT?!" and they're like "yo that's fuckin perfect, this is Fall Out Boy." and they made records like Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend. Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend, everybody loves it. "it's called Evening Out With Your Girlfriend." with your ex-girlfriend. it's called evening out with your Ex-girlfriend. it's called eating out your girlfriend, and it's real and it doesn't matter. and Pete talked to Patrick and Joe and he's like "you what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. yo, this is gonna be fuckin' doooooooooope!" so they made a record and it was called Take this to Your Grave. they made it without a drummer, and they had like 3—4 drummers come in. The four drummers they had come in were like Josh Freese, Neil Pert, the dude from Toto, the fourth one was like the guy from Papa Roach or something, and they're like "you, we need Andy Hurley. Andy Hurley. Take This to Your Grave. Fuckin' record it." and he did, and he killed it, and he was like "bigidalililililillillilila, PSHHH!" killin' the skin, tapping the skins, tapping the rim, playin' the shit, killing these bitches, rapping it out. you're getting a fucking tattoo right now?! what the fuck is going on?! We should get signed to Fueled By Ramen, 'cause thee guys know what the fuck is going on. and they were like "yo, if you can make our scene any bigger than it is, which is not fuckin' hard, we will sign you guys." and Pete was like "yo, we got this record that's fuckin' dooooooope, dude, it's called Take This to Your Grave, it's called From Under the Cork Tree it's gonna be fucking huge." and then Patrick's like "I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it artistic, these are three songs that are gonna make the album and it's called-BURP-Thnks Fr th Mmrs, 20 Dollar Nose Bleed, and Sugar, Were Goin' Down. and they made this record that was fuckin' dope, and it fucking hit on the charts like one two three, three two one, three four five six seven eight nine ten. ten to one. From Under the Cork Tree sold like four million records. ten million records. fifteen million records. and Brendon Urie had nothing to do with the entire record. and Patrick was like "that's gooooOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOd." Pete was like, "yo, fuck you I can do whatever I want." and Joe was like, "yeah it's cool man whatever I don't give a shit." and then Andy was like "eh, cool." and Pete was like "Make up is fuckin' great for a guy. because it makes a guy look beautiful, which a lot of times, a guy is not beautiful. and I wanna change that. I wanna make sure everyone thinks that guys are beautiful." I'm good so far yeah. yeah I do. SHUT THE FUCK. oh fuck, alright alright. Pete was like "oh my god, I'm so embarrassed about this dick pic." and then I saw the dick pic and was like "ah it's not bad." it's not a bad dick. let's be real. we made Rollins Stones one issue before Fall Out Boy. and Fall Out Boy made the issue right after us and they were so pissed they were like "yo, fuck you guys!" they're like "yo! Panic! has the fuckin' cover for Rolling Stones, yo, fuck these dudes, we're gonna fucking go miles above. we're gonna hit every fuckin' continent there is known to man." but they didn't because they missed a second of time. apparently they were like "oh shit, we got every continent." and they didn't actually hit it. dude, and Pete was like, "WHAT THE FUCK?! 'oh you didn't fuckin' make the continent' it's like FUCK YOU!" so From Under the Cork Tree happens, we fuckin' have three-four years of awesomeness. like, people are coming in themselves 'cause it's so big. Alright so Fall Out Boy was like-- so Patrick's like "yo, we are going to name these records from under the Cork tree and from Innity-- from infinity on high." Pete was like "yo folie à deux means the theatric of two." "The madness of two." oh sorry I'm sorry. follow boy was like "yo we got to take a break." Meaning Pete was like "yo we got to take a break bro." and Patrick's like "I need time for my music. UHUhUhUHuhUUUh." and joes like "yo I need time to find the fucking art dude I got to find some fucking me-- metal" and andys like "i'm just gonna play with some fucking metal bands." and they're like "all right this breaks been like three years long two years long three years long 3 1/2? we gotta fucking come back man we gotta come back strong." you took my beer away what the fuck? "no you poured it all over yourself." "yeah you poured it on yourself man here." "we got to make this shit legit it's gonna be fucking dope it's going to go fucking sky high. we're going to make a fucking record that sails the skies. we're going to call this record save rock 'n' roll." so they made alone together light 'em up alone together Phoenix. and everybody's like "what the fuck? you're working with this guy who fuckin' recorded Avril Lavigne and P!nk." is this pu-- what the fuck is this on my shirt, did I puke on myself? oh god. Pete was like "yo were gonna end up on a tour with Panic! At The Disco and twenty pilots. and that's all and that's all that matters. and that's just how the fuckin' story goes."
Be More Chill Characters as Explained By My 23 yr Old Brother

He was shown a few pictures and has minimal knowledge of the plot and characters. The result was beautiful.

JEREMY: This… this Where’s Waldo looking twink. He has a desk in an overhead light so he’s probably somewhat important. He’s lonely because all of his friends are gay and he’s not– until the end. He’s gay for the other guy at the end. Probably looks up Dear Evan Hansen fan fiction– Im like 80% sure. He wishes his life were more than just lamenting over his waifus.

SQUIP: Oh god where is his arm- is this one Michael? He’s coming onto that other guy hard so that has to be Michael. -picture switched- oh no that’s the villain- thats a fucking villain pose. That’s a batman villain looking out over his henchman, this robby rotten motherfucker. That’s the drug? He’s like Tim Curry from Fern Gully but instead of pollution he makes people gay and horny.

MICHAEL: Shit his lips are so pink- if that isn’t a main focus or an arch this is written wrong. He’s gay, so I assume this one is Michael and he’s perfect and everyone loves him. He’s essentially the gay guy from Scott Pilgrim and he’s all of the fanfic author’s fantasies come true.

CHRISTINE: Generically sweet– wait this was written by a man, right? Yeah- Then yeah, generically nice. I’m split between “is the voice of reason” and “gets super corrupted by drug and thats the breaking point”  

RICH: I assume he’s a bit dorky. He’s Trying to stand out to impress sexy gym people and gets fucked up because of it.

JAKE: This guy- This fucking Disney Channel protagonist– he pretends to have sex with all the girls so hard it breaks his legs, but he really broke them because of little buff man. He’s the sexy gym people.

CHLOE: Brunette is popular- very very bi. Bitchy heathers vibe. probably a love interest

BROOKE: Also bi. She’s supportive and probably talks the other one into doing shit like “Hey wanna make out?” They do because Tumblr would love that.

Beat    are they sisters    No they’re best-    oh thank god

JENNA: She’s the pop culture bitch that makes a bunch of references and doesn’t leave you alone. enough said.


Bonus-

in response to the picture of squipped Jake: Jock who fucked tiny buff guy is scaring other couple because they are gayer. He is high on the robby rotten tic tac. Gay couple is terrified – but mystified – by crutch flight power up.

Sweet-Talker

Or, How Bucky Won Over The Hammer Of Thor.

(Here on AO3)ย 

Thor enjoyed the pleasant fragrances of Midgardian soaps. The one in the common-floor bathroom was labelledย โ€œLavender Daydreamโ€ and was tinted a mild purple. It had a gentle floral scent with a slightly acrid undertone, and Thor wondered absently if Midgard had an actual plant named lavender, or if it was like blue-flavored drinks, with no non-artificial analogue. With Midgard, there was no way to tell. Regardless, it was a pleasing scent, and Thor would enjoy the soothing scent and gentle moisturizing properties of the liquid.ย 

Midgard was such a fascinating world.ย 

Thor toweled his hands dry and stepped out of the bathroom, intending to head towards the kitchen. Bruce had left some curry in the fridge, and Thor wanted to test his mettle against his perennial foe, the spicy pepper.ย 

He took one imperious stride into the common room and tripped. He caught himself on lavender-scented palms, just shy of sprawling flat on his face on the carpet.ย 

Sitting innocently in the middle of the hallway was Mjolnir.ย 

Strange. He was sure heโ€™d left his hammer on the sofa.ย 


kingofmemes posted:

common room rules state that anything unlabeled is fair for anyone to use. shoulda put a sticky note on your mythological weapon of unimaginable power before you left it on my seat buddy

Posted at 3:23 pm, 4729 notes

(Read More below)

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Basically, This is Basically What Every Dr. Phil Episode is Basically Like Basically
  • Dr. Phil: Hello, I am Doctor Philip, and today we'll be tackling an issue that is very widespread, but rarely spoken about. Gaming addiction. Now, I know many of you know at least one person in your life who plays video games, whether that be a child or, in some cases, a spouse.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: But, when unregulated, gaming can lead to serious addiction. Today I have with me a mother who's home life has been torn apart as her very own son descended into gaming addiction.
  • Mother: *sniffing and wiping tears away* Hello, doctor. Will you cure my son?
  • Dr. Phil: Well, dear, that's... uhh. Let's just bring the boy out already.
  • *dramatic music plays*
  • Gamer: My name is Gregg, I'm 19 years old, I'm a gaming addict, and I don't give a f*ck.
  • Audience: *gasps*
  • Gamer: Yeah, I game for 19 to 20 hours a day and the other four hours I use for looking up sick gaming strats or beating it to anime porn. I once sucked off a dude because he offered me minecraft diamonds. I don't give a sh*t, I would've sucked him off even if he didn't have the diamonds.
  • Audience: *gasps louder*
  • Gamer: Do I hate women? Yes, I hate women. I've emailed Anita Sarkeesian my address. She knows where I am if she wants to fight me. Feminists, square the fuck up. People always ask why I don't do anything other than gaming. I ask them why don't they mind their own f*cking business. I don't think I have a problem. Dr. Phil can honestly eat my whole an*s.
  • Gamer: *walks out onto the stage*
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: F*ck all y'all! I don't give a f*ck! *flips off the audience*
  • Dr. Phil: Please take a seat, son.
  • Gamer: *sits very disrespectfully*
  • Mother: *starts bawling*
  • Dr. Phil: Son, do you think that was acceptable behavior?
  • Gamer: The only behavior I care about is the behavioral patterns for enemies in the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. series. I love video games: Master chief, Mario, uhm, Blinx the Cat... Blasto. Love those guys!
  • Audience: *boos*
  • Gamer: I don't care! You think I care! F*ck all y'all!
  • Dr. Phil: All these people are booing you, doesn't that make you feel bad?
  • Gamer: Are you deaf? Have I not articulated the fact that I absolutely 100% do not care about anything except for video games? I. DON'T. GIVE. A. F*CK.
  • Mother: He's always like this, there's no changing him. It didn't used to be this way... just *starts bawling harder*
  • Dr. Phil: I think there is a way to change him, and we'll find out more about that after these messages.
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays*
  • *The lights dim and every goes empty eyed and slack-jawed*
  • Gamer: Heh, this is weird. *nudges mom and whispers to her* Hey, we're getting paid for this, right. Hey, mom? ...Mom?
  • Mother: *completely unresponsive*
  • Dr. Phil: *completely unresponsive*
  • Audience: *completely unresponsive*
  • Gamer: Heh... this is REALLY weird. *looks around nervously*
  • Audience member: Hey!
  • Gamer: Huh?
  • Audience Member: I'm in the audience! Over here! My arms are strapped to the chair! You have to help me!
  • Gamer: *runs to the audience member*
  • Audience Member: Thank god, I thought I was the only one here left with any brains.
  • Gamer: *hastily undoing the straps* What the fuck is going on?
  • Audience Member: I don't know, but this definitely isn't Dr. Phil's show.
  • Gamer: Then what is it?
  • Audience Member: No clue, but we have to get out of here before the commercial breaks ends.
  • Gamer: *successfully undoes the straps*
  • Audience Member: C'mon! Let's go. *grabs the gamer by the arm*
  • Gamer: *resists* Wait a fucking minute. Why am I supposed to trust you?
  • Audience Member: Because I'm normal and everyone else is braindead if you haven't noticed.
  • Gamer: Yeah, but I'm not going anywhere until I know what's going on. Being on Dr. Phil is a huge opportunity for me to, y'know, advertise my brand. I'm a gamer if you haven't noticed.
  • Audience Member: Are you insane? Have you had a look around you? Does this anything happening right now seem normal to you? Who cares about your "brand". Do you even remember how you got here?
  • Gamer: Well... now that you mention, I can't really remember exactly.
  • Audience Member: Yeah, now let's get the fuck out of here.
  • *the gamer and audience member run through the back exit into the hallways*
  • *the Dr. Phil theme blares as the show returns from commercial break*
  • Gamer: My ears!
  • Audience Member: Move it! *jerks gamer's arm*
  • Gamer: Okay, calm down.
  • *the entire audience screams in unison*
  • Gamer: What the fuck is that!?
  • Audience Member: It's the reason we're running! Quick, in here!
  • *the duo duck into a cramped broom closest*
  • Gamer: Listen, you have to tell me what the fuck is going on right now!
  • Audience Member: Shh.
  • Gamer: Don't shush me!
  • Audience Member: *covers the gamer's mouth*
  • *agonized screaming and violently rumbling passes by the broom closest*
  • Gamer: Holy shit!
  • Audience Member: Stop yelling.
  • Gamer: How can I not yell when it sounds the gates of hell just passed by us!
  • Audience Member: You want it to turn back around and find us?
  • Gamer: Alright. I'll calm down... I'll. *start sobbing*
  • Audience Member: Please, please stop crying. You're too loud.
  • Gamer: I can't! I'm under a lot of stress!
  • Audience Member: You'll be dead if you don't shut the fuck.
  • Gamer: I never wanted any of this, I just wanted to go on Dr. Phil so people would recognize me on YouTube and I could become a popular Let's Player!
  • Audience Member: If you don't shut up right now, I'll-
  • *a snake bites the audience member's neck*
  • Audience Member: *eyes roll up*
  • Gamer: *screams like a baby*
  • *snakes slither under the closet door*
  • Gamer: *stumbles out of the closet and falls into hallway covered with snakes* Fuck me! Fuck me!
  • Gamer: *attempts to run away but falls beneath the snakes and into and empty void*
  • *agonized screaming echoes from all around*
  • Gamer: Am I in hell? I have to be in hell. You don't fall through a pool of snakes and wind up anywhere else but hell.
  • Dr. Phil: THERE IS NO HELL.
  • Gamer: Doc, is that you? If this isn't hell then where am I?
  • Dr. Phil: YOU'RE IN MY REALM SON. *Dr. Phil's face appears glowing in the distance, his eyes are empty sockets and his mouth hangs open*
  • Gamer: What the fuck are you?
  • Dr. Phil: I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • Gamer: You're not Dr. Phil!
  • Dr. Phil: I NEVER SAID I WAS, SON. *a wall of gray human bodies lights up surrounding Dr. Phil's massive head, dr. phil's giant snake body slithers towards the gamer and opens its third eye* I'M DOCTOR PHILIP.
  • *the wall of bodies screams in unison as Dr. Phil devours the gamer*
  • *Dr. Phil theme plays loudly*
  • Dr. Phil: THE NEXT EPISODE IS STARTING. I'M LATE. *slithers into the wall of bodies and his snake body slowly transforms into a normal Dr. Phil's body*
  • Dr. Phil: *crawls onto the stage*
  • Dr. Phil: *dusts himself off* Woo, I went on quite an adventure.
  • Audience: *laughs*
  • Dr. Phil: I'm glad we can all find some time in our lives to laugh, but today's episode is covering something that is most certainly not a laughing matter. It's one of the most serious addictions striking America today and it's rarely talked about. I'm talking about people who love to pee on their mattresses and then pay people exorbitant amounts of money to suck their disgusting mattresses clean.
  • Audience: ... *someone clears their throat*
  • Dr. Phil: What's the matter?
  • Cameraguy: Spsss, Doc. That's not what the episode is about. It's about people with terrible gambling issues.
  • Dr. Phil: Oh, ah, fuck! Cut to commercial!
Harry's interview on Quotidien
  • I: Can you hear me?
  • H: Yes
  • I: Welcome to Paris!
  • H: Thank you
  • I: How are you? Can you answer in French?
  • H: Good! A little bit. A tiny bit. Très bien et toi ?(very good and you?)
  • I: Very good, thank you. We start our interviews with “can you give us your five favourites words in English or French. Or a French sentence”. Someone told me you knew a French sentence.
  • H: Comment vous faites un café si délicieux? (How do you make such a delicious coffee?)
  • I: OK, that’s good.
  • H: That’s all I have.
  • I: Do you say it very often?
  • H: No... Yes
  • I: What does France mean to you? Is it something, someone etc...?
  • H: Best people I’ve known... I think her, *shows a fan* I guess. Fabien Barthez.
  • I: Yes, Fabien Barthez. Harry, you’re 23 years old and you’re one of the best known pop-star in the world. Everybody has expectations with your new album and single Sign Of The Times. Why did you choose that song? This is not what people were expecting.
  • H: I think I wanted to.. I've always liked music that made me feel something. You know I think writing it I could feet something I wanted to bring it out. I think it's a good indicator for me of what the album is to me. That's why I wanted to go with that first.
  • I: Billboard wrote that the single was "one of the more ambitious opening statements in pop this decade". Not bad, isn't it?
  • H: Thanks!
  • I: Do you have friends working at Billboard?
  • H: I don't know anyone at Billboard.
  • I: When we listen to the song we think of David Bowie, Queen, who else did you think of?
  • H: I mean, I think everyone, anything, any song you've ever listened to growing up or throughout your life or you've enjoyed, inspired you. There are a lot of different things. I wanted to just write and see what came out. I didn't know what I sounded like to make an album. So this process was as interesting for me as I think it will be for people listening to the album for the first time.
  • I: Do you know French singers other than Serge Gainsbourg? That's a tricky question.
  • H: I know Woodkid. He directed my music video.
  • I: Why him?
  • H: I think his videos are amazing, he's a really talented guy and I love French people so I worked with him.
  • I: When you're in Spain, do you say that you love Spanish people?
  • H: No!
  • I: It seems like everything has been easy...
  • H: Great tie.
  • I: You think so? It's French.
  • H: It's not a Spanish tie, isn't it?
  • I: Can I see your loafer? Oh yes! What is the brand? That's not French, isn't it? It's Italian.
  • H: No.
  • I: That's from the European Union!
  • H: Probably yeah.
  • I: It seems like everything has been easy for you, is it true?
  • H: Was what simple?
  • I: Your life, everybody wants a life like yours, with One Direction...
  • H: I mean, I feel very lucky to be able to make music, I feel very lucky to be able to make this, I feel very lucky today being in France and performing my song. I love this song. I can't complain.
  • I: What were the unpleasant things?
  • H: *thinking*
  • I: I don't know, say only one thing.
  • H: I think when you care so much about something, it's hard to get to the point where you feel like it's finished and it feels like you're adding and it never ends and it adds up. So I think the hardest part was getting into that point and be like "ok that's finished."
  • I: You said to the Rolling Stone magazine that most of the album was inspired by a woman. Really?
  • H: No I think, honestly, the album is much more about me than it is about anyone else. I think if I said the album is about a woman it kind of feels like, I don't know, I put a lot of work into this. I don't feel like it revolves around woman. It's a lot about me and things I've never said before. It's more about me.
  • I: How did you start with a boy band and end with a solo career? Is it complicated?
  • H: It's been a lot of fun. You know we were very lucky to get to do some amazing things and at the moment in our lives, we're in a time where everyone is trying their own thing and have a good time. It's been amazing to see everyone doing their own thing as well. If I can do as well as the others, it'd be amazing.
  • I: Do you call them everyday or text them? Do you use What's app?
  • H: I don't have that.
  • I: Why?
  • H: Yes we talk, absolutely. And everyone is bringing stuff out. It's been a lot going on. It's been a good time.
  • I: This is the album cover! Can you describe it? Why did you choose this picture?
  • H: Yeah. So, I don't know. I worked with photographer Harley Weir, I'm a massive fan of her work. And that's amazing and I was lucky enough to work with her. I felt like this was what I wanted.
  • I: Why is it pink? Why the water? Why your back? Why? It's beautiful but why is it pink?
  • H: I don't know, man!
  • I: Really? You don't know?
  • H: I don't know. I don't think I want...
  • I: Apparently pink is Rock'n'roll's colour.
  • H: Apparently so. I don't know. I think it means something to me and if it means anything to anyone else, I wouldn't want to take away from that by explaining it. I think the cool thing about stuff like photos and art is you can just leave it. You don't have to explain it.
  • I: Everybody sees what they want to see.
  • H: Yes exactly.
  • I: Have you seen this?
  • *video of people reacting to Harry's single*
  • I: Your fans record themselves while listening to the song for the first time. You can hear relevant analysis and apparently they all really liked it. Do you read what people say about you on social media? On Youtube, Twitter, Instagram? Do you use Instagram?
  • H: Yes I use it a little bit.
  • *The public disagrees with Harry*
  • H: Yes I use it a little bit. I mean I wish everyone was having as good time as the girl who was like that with her hands. That's what I do when I listen to the song.
  • I: Are you the one using your Instagram? Do you use your own fingers or someone else does it for you?
  • H: Yes, I do mine.
  • I: Do you still vote in Redditch?
  • H: In?
  • I: Redditch!
  • H: That's where I was born?
  • I: Yes.
  • H: I don't live in Redditch.
  • I: So you don't vote there. Where did you vote?
  • H: London, yeah.
  • I: What do you think of the Brexit? Welcome to Europe!
  • H: Thank you very much, thanks. I mean, I don't really comment on politics. To me, anything that brings people together is better than things that pull people apart. That's ... yeah.
  • I: Yet, you are in favour of equality of rights, men, women, gay people, straight people... That's politics.
  • H: I don't know. It doesn't feel like politics. I think stuff like equality feels much more fundamental. I feel like everyone is equal. That doesn't feel like politics to me.
  • I: Your fans are fetishists. They know all of your tattoos, piece of jewellery, they have heart attacks when you cut your hair. Right now you're playing with their feelings. Do you know that?
  • H: Oh ok.
  • I: Yes! What is your favourite tattoo?
  • H: I think... I have a.. probably. I don't know, actually.
  • I: Which one is the latest?
  • H: The latest is this one there. *shows Arlo* And this one. *shows Jackson*
  • I: Jackson? All of them?
  • H: Yes.
  • I: What's the story behind your haircut? How much did you spend on hair products with One Direction?
  • H: Yeah, like a lot. I used a lot, yeah.
  • I: You're in Dunkirk, Christopher Nolan's new movie.
  • H: Yes.
  • I: How did you do?
  • H: I auditioned.
  • I: Look at you there.
  • H: I am, that's me.
  • I: Yes.
  • H: I auditioned and it was great. It's going to be a really cool movie.
  • I: Harry, it feels like we know you since you're a baby. The whole world discovered you in 2010 on X Factor.
  • *video of Harry's X Factor audition*
  • I: You auditioned alone but Simon Cowell had an idea... he put you in a band with Zayn, Louis, Liam and Niall. You became One Direction. You found the name One Direction and you sold millions of albums. One Direction are soon considered as the new Beattles and you filled the biggest stadiums. The whole world was talking about you. When you go out we prayed for your eardrums. You became UK's pride. David Cameron is in one of your music videos, your sang for the Queen. But in 2015... bang! Zayn left the band, fans couldn't get over it. But don't worry, their favourite is now on the cover of the Rolling Stone magazine, he's in Christopher Nolan's new movie, he's Mick Jagger on SNL... What you don't know is that we've met in 2012. You were in France to promote an album and now I have questions. First one! When you're in a car and fans are all around you, do you see that?
  • *video of fans around a car*
  • H: I think I've actually lost my shoe there. When I got in the car... I got in the car and I was like "how many shoes do I have?" Yes I lost my shoe.
  • I: I have another question! Do you still do that before going on stage?
  • *video of Harry and Lou*
  • I: Can we do it?
  • H: No.
  • *does it anyway*
  • I: What is the weirdest question someone asked you?
  • H: I think it was actually a French interview. I got asked if I would pee in a sink... Yeah.
  • I: Ok, that's weird!
  • H: It was the first question, the first question.
  • I: It puts you in the mood.
  • H: Yeah.
  • I: What is the question you never want to be asked ever again? Did I asked you that question?
  • *Harry asks the public*
  • H: Which one? Oh crush.
  • I: What?
  • H: Crush.
  • I: Oh ok. I didn't ask it! Did you know that a French author wrote a novel about you. It's called "Styles", it's about his obsession with you. It's in French. You can translate it.
  • H: Oh! Is that true?
  • I: Yes it's true. He dedicated to you. It's called "Styles" and it's a really good book. Read it!
  • H: Thank you.
  • I: Thank you very much Harry Styles for coming tonight. His first eponymous album comes out on the 12th May. Thank you Harry Styles.
  • H: Thank you.
  • I: Have a safe journey home.
I'm gonna summarize the whole DC Multiverse AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
  • Earth-0: The default universe where the New 52 takes place and stuff
  • Earth-1: You know those graphic novels written by J. Michael Straczynski, Geoff Johns, and Jeff Lemire that made new young versions of Superman, Batman, and the Teen Titans? That's where this is
  • The fact they all have "Earth One" in their titles also might've been a clue
  • Earth-2: It's where Earth 2 took place (hence the name)
  • It got destroyed by Darkseid, but now the Justice Society heroes have a NEW Earth 2
  • It's a whole thing
  • Earth-3: Good is evil, evil is good, and everyone's an asshole
  • Earth-4: Home to Grant Morrison's Watchmen homage starring the Charleton Comics characters. I like it more than the actual Watchmen because it doesn't have the Comedian.
  • Earth-5: Home to Captain Marvel. It's essentially a redone version of the Pre-Crisis Earth-S. Also everything is drawn by Cameron Stewart, and that's always a plus.
  • Earth-6: Home to Stan Lee's "Just Imagine" versions of the DC heroes. Also this Wonder Woman's design is awesome.
  • Earth-7: A reference to the Marvel Ultimate Universe. The Gentry destroyed it at the start of Multiversity, leaving only Thunderer alive. He's basically Aborigines Thor.
  • Earth-8: A reference to the normal Marvel Universe. The Hulk equivalent, Behemoth, is blue and wears a diaper.
  • I don't get it either.
  • Earth-9: Home to the Tangent Universe created by Dan Jurgens. The character's names are familiar, but their powers and appearances are different. For example, Harvey Dent is the Superman, a being of unmatched mental power. Green Lantern raises the dead. That kind of stuff.
  • Earth-10: Kal-L is raised by Hitler and helps conquer the world. Uncle Sam reemerges years later to kick his ass.
  • Earth-11: The gender swapped universe, with Superwoman, Batwoman, and Wonderous Man, who has a very spiffy cape.
  • Earth-12: Remember Batman The Animated Series, Justice League, and Batman Beyond? This is where all of that took place.
  • Earth-13: A universe where magic is the dominant power. The Superman equivalent here is Superdemon, who is basically Etrigan with Superman's powers. Which is awesome.
  • Earth-14: Unknown
  • Earth-15: It USED to be the perfect Earth until Superboy-Prime had a temper tantrum back in Countdown and blew it the f*ck up. Now all that's left is a Green Lantern battery called the Cosmic Grail.
  • Earth-16: Superman basically ended all crime right before he died and left his robot army to guard the planet, so the current generation of heroes are kinda bored.
  • Earth-17: Some dumbass pressed the big red button in 1963, and the world got nuked. Now the Atomic Knights of Justice have to ride their giant dogs around and try not to get killed by Darkseid.
  • Earth-18: A slightly different version of the Justice Riders universe. They have a telegraph Internet.
  • Earth-19: Home to the stories Batman: Gotham by Gaslight and Wonder Woman: Amazonia.
  • Earth-20: Home to Doc Fate and the Secret Society of Superheroes. Also I want to cosplay as Doc Fate or the Mighty Atom. Because they both look cool.
  • Earth-21: Home to the characters from A New Frontier by Darwyn Cooke.
  • Earth-22: Home of the characters from Mark Waid and Alex Ross' Kingdom Come. You should read it, by the way.
  • Earth-23: Where all the heroes are black and Batman's the token white guy. Also Superman is president.
  • Earths 24 and 25 are unknown.
  • Earth-26: Home of Captain Carrot and the Zoo Crew. It operates on cartoon physics.
  • Earth-27 and Earth-28 are unknown.
  • Earth-29: The Bizarroverse. It am not opposite of normal universe at all. It am completely normal.
  • Earth-30: Home of the characters from Superman: Red Son. Which I also recommend.
  • Earth-31: Everyone's a pirate.
  • Earth-32: Home of Aquaflash, Bat-Lantern, Wonderhawk, Black Arrow, and Supermartian.
  • Earth-33: The real world.
  • Earth-34: A reference to Astro City. Also Bruce Wayne was inspired by a stingray in this universe.
  • Earth-35: A reference to Image Comics' Supreme. Also Bruce was inspired by an owl this time.
  • Earth-36: Home to Justice 9, who are homages to Big Bang Comics. This Bruce was inspired by a suit of armor.
  • Earth-37: It starts as Batman: Thrillkiller, but then it gets really weird. I'm not sure what it becomes.
  • Earth-38: Where Superman and Batman: Generations takes place. The characters there age in real time.
  • Earth-39: A reference to T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents.
  • Earth-40: The evil version of Earth-20. Also Sinestro wears a very nice suit.
  • Earth-41: A reference to early Image Comics, although thankfully Liefeld isn't involved. Also I really like their Wonder Woman's design.
  • Earth-42: Full of adorable chibi version of the DC heroes and villains who are actually robot minions of the Empty Hand.
  • Earth-43: All the superheroes are vampires. Also this is the only other Earth besides Earth-3 to have an Ultraman instead of Superman.
  • Earth-44: All the heroes are robots.
  • Earth-45: Home of Superdoomsday, who is what happens when a clearly evil corporations turns Superman into an antihero.
  • Earth-46 is unknown.
  • Earth-47: Home to the Love Syndicate of Dreamworld (Sunshine Superman, Magic Lantern, and Speed Freak) Grant Morrison made in Animal Man years ago. Also home to Brother Power the Geek, a Bruce Wayne who was inspired by a shooting star, and Prez.
  • Earth-48: This world is basically every comic book cliche multiplied by a million. They have super-FOOD here, for crying out loud.
  • Earth-49 is unknown.
  • Earth-50: Remember the Justice Lords from that one episode of Justice League? This is where they're from.
  • Earth-51: Where all of Jack Kirby's DC creations live. Kamandi, OMAC, and the New Gods all live here.
  • And that's the multiverse.
BBS As Things I've Heard At School
  • Vanoss : I may be very popular but honestly I am so socially scared of people the only reason they like me os cause I smile and nod quietly while inwardly screaming in fear.
  • Delirious : Honestly if I'm voted most likely to be a killer I wouldn't evn be surprised. I think they even said that about me in pre-school.
  • Moo : I have unfortunately become the mom friend and it has made me afraid of ever becoming a mother.
  • " You're a guy. "
  • And? Women are strong to deal with this bullshit! I can't handle you all I would clearly never be a good mother.
  • Terroriser : You know how most people want all eyes on them when walking into a room? I figured it out. Walk in and start doing really loud impressions!
  • Ohm : I feel I'm the friend who you have around so at least someone is semi-innocent in this massive pile of devil spawns.
  • Wildcat : I have no choice but to hang out with you all - I don't know how to make friends anymore!
  • Mini : You want to know what sucks?! Emily got nominated for Prom King over me. One, she's a girl! Not that there's a problem with the fact she's female but in this case there are two seperate places! And a third if anyone were agender. AND TWO! SHE DOESN'T EVEN ATTEND THIS SCHOOL!
  • Nogla : I'm not actually as dumb as I come off as. *misspells their name on a test* O-Okay well you see...I have...no...okay.
  • Lui : Take me back to kindergarden. Snacks, recess and snacks. Away from bullshit and lies.
  • Basically : I had this group of friends before. They only hung out with me to show "diversity" so they didn't come off as racist. That comment madee realize they were. Ditched their asses.
  • Scotty : Only once in my life have I ever...I mean ever! Won at a game! Monopoly, Life, Mario Kart...life in general...
  • Smiity : *after someone accidently steps on the back of their shoe* Yeah okay bitch. Get ready for that fucking restraining order on your ass!
  • Cartoonz : I have been compared to a southern satan before. I'm not sure which was more true. The fact that I'm very Southern. Or that I'm satan. *hisses and chokes on spit*

anonymous asked:

Well the age of consent in Japan is 13. That doesn't mean it's morally ok. But by bandying about the 'consent laws of that country make it okay' you've just allied yourself to pedophilia. Congrats. Creep.

woo it’s like the first time I posted something Otayuri and already my first anti!

ooh boy, let’s go then, shall we?

  • pfft I’m a 22 yo girl from Russia and believe me, I know far better than you (whoever the fuck you are you coward) what’s okay and not okay in my culture. 15-16 year olds dating people of 18-19 years is pretty common. some may disapprove but unless someone gets knocked up, people generally don’t care.
  • both of them being guys would gather much more shit than 3 year freaking “age gap” (lol)
  • we seriously need to stop pretending that people under 18 don’t do anything sexual. like how stupid and ridiculous and divorced from reality do you need to be???
  • I was not so into everybody’s business so I can’t be sure but judging by people dating, at least ¼-1/3 of my year did something sexual before 18
  • age of consent in Russia is 16. in Kazakhstan too.
  • “paedophilia” lol. people just love throwing that word around nowadays. do you even know what that means? “Paedophilia is when a person sixteen years of age or older is primarily or exclusively sexually attracted to children who have not begun puberty (generally eleven years old or less)” who the hell is supposed to be under 11 here? I don’t think we even have those characters in YOI except for the triplets. and no one’s shipping them as far as I can see
  • I know our culture is super obsessed with sex but since when dating = sex, especially when you’re a teen??? I know plenty of people who dated and then split up all without doing more than making out occasionally
  • you being anon and not even trying to defend your ridiculous notions to my face just discredits what you said by like 50%
  • why do I even argue? it’s pointless. I can write 50 more points and it won’t make a difference to someone like you.  if you ship hate then have the balls to admit it. no need to try and justify your shitty  treatment of others in the fandom by taking an imaginary “high ground”

MJ out :)

Why Fans Resonate With Lance So Much and Why We’re Mad He’s a False Protagonist (spoilers I guess)

So Lance has pretty much been my favorite character since about ten seconds after he came on screen, and I’ll try to get right to the point about why I feel that way and why a giant portion of the vld fandom feels that way as well.

Obviously, Lance has been openly shown to have insecurities about his self-worth. I can’t really think of another character from a cartoon show (except maybe, like, Sokka from A;TLA) to have this plotline to this degree, but it’s a very unique and sensitive characterization that should be handled a little more carefully than it has been.

As a recap, Lance doesn’t really contribute much in the way of “hyper-specialized skills” to Voltron (aside from occasional shots of underused Sniper!Lance.) But next to him, we see 1). An ace pilot with special alien heritage and advanced hand-to-hand fighting skills who has been picked as the successor to the team’s leader 2). An Earth hero/veteran with a special prosthetic that gives him valuable fighting abilities, who pilots the oh-so-special Black Lion 3). An engineering genius 4). A tech/ex machina genius 5). A space princess with magical powers, fighting skills, and shapeshifting abilities who can ‘sense’ and ‘channel’ whatever whenever the plot needs her to.

And then, oh yeah, we’ve got…Lance. Who cracks goofy jokes. 

He’s NORMAL! And it SUCKS to feel ‘normal’ when everyone around you seems so effortlessly special!

I’ve struggled with that feeling my whole life—that habit of constantly measuring myself against others and obsessing over what I can “contribute”. For the longest time, I thought I was only as valuable as what I could bring to the table. So I was shocked and awed to see a character with that same affliction. It’s odd. I’ve never had a character I resonated so strongly with. I see myself in Lance so much.

Our own insecurities are validated and reflected through Lance’s character. It’s a real emotional issue that many of us struggle with, so to see it on the screen given representation means something.

ANYWAY—Onto why Lance is a false protagonist, and why I’m pissed about it. In fiction, a false protagonist is “a literary technique, often used to make the plot more jarring or more memorable by fooling the audience’s preconceptions, that constructs a character who the audience assumes is the protagonist but is later revealed not to be.”

LANCE WAS SET UP DURING THE BEGINNING OF EPISODE ONE AS THOUGH HE WAS THE MAIN CHARACTER. 

Seriously, think about how books typically use their prologue+main story setup. We got our prologue (Shiro and the Holts being taken) and then it opens up to what the viewers assume is the start of the “Main Story” which typically follows the main character-to-be. This is a natural pattern to follow in storytelling because it helps the viewer understand and process what role each character plays overall. Lance is the first character we got a little bit of a read on with that whole “Blah blah remember you’re just a replacement for the dropout so don’t end up like him” Garrison test flight, so that’s another reason for the viewer to latch onto him. 

Watching Voltron for the first time knowing literally nothing about it going in, I knew there would be a team dynamic as episode one unfolded but thought that there would be special emphasis on Lance as the main character (think Aang from A;TLA. Yeah, there was a team of main characters, but Aang was THE main character if you get what I’m saying).

Seriously, go back and watch the first episode again if you didn’t notice it the first time. By a writing standpoint, Lance is written in the most “This will be the main character!” way possible. 

Which is why it’s so bizarre that he’s been pushed to the back-burner for so many seasons now. God, at this point, his back-burner isn’t even turned on anymore. He and Hunk are just the 3-day old pots of mac n’ cheese congealing by the sink while Shiro, Keith, and Pidge are lit up and ready to go at a moment’s notice, but at least Hunk’s Balmeran arc in season 1 spanned, like, 2 or 3 whole episodes when Lance is lucky to get anything beyond two minutes.

I’ve accepted that he’s not THE main character (I WAS starting to think it was Keith, but then he f’ed off for season 4 and I was like, no, Voltron, when we said we wanted less Keith we just meant we needed a better balance of characters not the entire removal of one) (and anyway how bad is it that even when Keith’s character is finally drawn back a little bit, WE STILL. GET. NO. LANCE (or Hunk). ARC.) 

Still, the dynamic from a writer’s standpoint is a little clunky. In my experience, stories are best told when they revolve around a singular main character, or two, like Gravity Falls for example. But things fall apart and get messy, especially in a television format, if you try to sell 5 main characters (six if you count Allura) as equally important (story-wise) right from the start. It just doesn’t work. It’s only natural to latch onto one or two characters and that’s why we keep getting these “Just wait, Lance will get his (3 second, never mentioned again or brought forward into a new season) moment!” promises. Good storytelling just doesn’t evolve well when you try to juggle five characters as all equally THE main character. And it ESPECIALLY feels super-clunky since Lance was introduced in episode one of the whole show as the potential main character and then used mostly for comic-relief ever since.

And when I say I want a Lance arc, I don’t mean “I want a Lance arc where Lance helps Keith learn to lead” or whatever—NO, GODDAMMIT. I WANT. AN ARC. FOCUSED SPECIFICALLY ON LANCE. NOT ON LANCE GROWING AS A SUPPORT FOR OTHER CHARACTERS’ GROWTH.

I was actually hoping that whole “Lance Dies in season 4!” worry going around would be true because 1). Lance obviously wouldn’t die for-real, so I wasn’t even worried about that 2). It would mean we would actually be getting what could have been a very emotional and quality Lance-focused story arc longer than three minutes.

I’m actually starting to think Lance isn’t going to get a story arc that spans across a few episodes that also remains the driving theme of those episodes. I think it will be another tossed-out line regarding his insecurity and that will be it.

I wanted Lance to be the Black Paladin so freaking bad, you guys! It would have been such a twist, such a moment for him to show off the leadership skills he’s been quietly accumulating. AND HOW ANGRY WAS I IN SEASON 4 WHEN LANCE LOGICALLY SAID “HM, MAYBE WE SHOULDN’T STAND UNDER THESE GENERATOR THINGS THAT LOOK LIKE THEY COULD FORM A FORCE FIELD AT ANY TIME” AND SHIRO BASICALLY SAID “WAIT HOLD ON, WE HAVE TO INVESTIGATE WHAT IT IS BY STANDING EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.” WTF. LANCE, WHY ARE YOU SO IGNORED.

Anyway, it’s late and I’m cranky and kind of forgot where I was going with this but I’m signing off, passively hoping that maybe Lance will one day get his huge “I’m Keith and I get whole seasons dedicated to me” arc. 

But it probably won’t happen.

Ugh.

I’m going back to bed.

the signs as people from my university
  • Aries: That girl who loves partying and socializing with people, she's a fangirl of so many buffed-up singers and she's so pretty. She's kinda judgmental and she's homophobic but she follows so many gay people and likes their posts and nobody in my generation really understands why. She can be really impulsive sometimes and she hates classes but she's a good friend and a funny person
  • Taurus: That girl who is always late, she has social anxiety and she's silent af. Grades are not her forte'. She tries to socialize very hard and everyone is annoyed by the fact that she tries to discuss things that she really doesn't know shit about. She is afraid of some professors, she is christian af and she is kinda lost, but she's a good girl who believes in the supernatural and she always invites us to coffee at her place
  • Gemini: The girl who loves spending time with people, she always loves to discuss about every topic, she knows so much about many things, she's doing great with her grades and she's among the top 5 students in the entire generation. Also, she has PERFECT, sonorous American accent and everybody loves it. She always initiates coffee gatherings but nobody really comes because she's not that much of a leader and her voice is so soft so nobody could really hear when she's talking. She's also a passionate gamer AND in the same time she finds time to maintain her grades and social life
  • Cancer: That (jock) guy who's the tallest one, he's blonde, buffed-up and he's the definition of a straight white boy. He's childish as fuck and he can become very boring sometimes. Once, my colleagues have shooed him out of the cafeteria because he was bothering them. He also tells so many stupid dad-jokes and laughs at his own jokes, flirts with some professors, has been single since forever (not that he's ugly - he's average looking but he's so much boring sometimes because he doesn't have any real friends and he gets excited about people so he doesn't know WHEN to stop). He literally flirts with every single female human being that he can find and he pushes them all away because he's pushy af. He's also introverted and doesn't really know his way with girls
  • Leo: That girl who's one of the top students in the generation. She's always smiling, she has the best grades, she always tries to present this "perfect" image of herself. She is very intelligent and she loves reading, she gets drunk like every second day but that doesn't stop her from maintaining her perfect grades. She's very successful and she's a good leader, she knows all the fresh gossip and she always sits in the first row with her best university friend. In fact, she and her best uni friend are hated by everyone because they're just so successful and everyone's jealous of them. She also secretly hates everybody and gossips with her best uni friend. She and her friend have tons of screenshots ready to blackmail people if anyone says anything against them lmao. But everyone (every zodiac sign) in this generation pretends we like each other so...
  • Virgo: That professor who's VERY detail-oriented and she's a big perfectionist but she can't fix her awful handwriting. She's very successful and she has TONS of potential, she literally KNOWS EVERYTHING about her subjects but sometimes she can really drain us physically and emotionally. She gives us tons of assignments and homework and she always gives us lectures on the most difficult courses. Jfc she behaves like we study in Cambridge / Oxford. But don't get me wrong, she's NOT a bad person. She's actually a VERY good person and at the end of each semester she buys us coffee and tea, she talks with us about our experience with the course and she just wants us to learn some things that we should learn, that's why we perceive her as "difficult" and "problematic"
  • Libra: That girl who loves hugging, has great communication skills and is a social justice warrior. She thinks that she's everyone's friend and she always tries to criticize everyone's opinion, thinking that she'll seem and sound more intelligent. She also listens to rock and metal, she loves children and she smokes a lot, she's very sensitive and she's very friendly. Once, on the Facebook group of the university, she tried to accuse Pisces of something he didn't do and he literally ruined her in front of all those people, that was one of her biggest mistakes she's ever done in uni because she didn't know that that guy can be pretty evil when someone tries to insult/hurt him. The next day in uni she was on the verge of a mental breakdown because that guy really hurt her with his words, making her look stupid and pretentious, and everybody stopped talking to that guy for like, a month or two
  • Scorpio: That girl who's late in class 90% of the time, and those 10% she's not present in class. She is very quiet and she doesn't show particular interest in anything. She doesn't have a taste in fashion and style, unlike most Scorpios that I know. She just wants to go home all the time and nobody knows what she's doing in her life, she's so mysterious and she's not a good teamworker because she doesn't really care about her grades
  • Sagittarius: That girl who can't stop talking and she's always arguing with someone but we all love her. She's very communicative but she's insecure at the same time. She has tons of likes on Facebook and Instagram. She's a VERY open-minded girl, she hates racism, homophobes, nazi scum and racists. She's a really good friend with Leo and Pisces but Capricorn is her bff and her roommate. She has an excellent taste in fashion, style and music and she has S_L_A_Y_I_N_G eyebrows. I think that she's bi/lesbian but maybe she's closeted. She always hugs Capricorn and gets beaten by Capricorn because Capricorn can't stand people touching her
  • Capricorn: That girl who loves vintage notebooks, loves taking studyblr photos and uploads them on tubmlr and Instagram, she loves journeys and we haven't heard her talking for THREE GODDAMN YEARS. She is very antisocial and introverted but she has excellent taste for art, film, music and she's like 24/7 on her phone because it's obvious that she can't stand most of us but she's always sweet and supportive when someone approaches her. Sometimes she doesn't want to talk and she just smiles as a response. She's Sagittarius' best friend and roommate and they've became really close friends. She also loves journeys and she's a daydreamer but she's very intelligent. Her grades are not that good, she's not an attention whore and she tries to be "invisible" but she simply can't
  • Aquarius: That guy with his cockney accent who has insane memory and loves football. He's actually a loner, he's a bit creepy and weird, le loves britpop and indie nd he was one of the best students in the first two years of uni but his grades dropped. He's like, very secretive and he can be pretty arrogant and you just can't sit next to him because he's telling jokes all the time which takes your attention away. He is a loner and once he publicly told us that he used to have cyber sex with his girlfriend because she lived in another country and they've never met in real life (I mean, who tells such things omg Aqua get your shit together). He tries to insult people and he tries to be sarcastic but he can only be sarcastic with the stupid ones. He also thinks that he's a know-it-all and that he's the most intelligent person in the world. He can be really judgmental sometimes and he pushes people away with that
  • Pisces: That guy who always sits in the first row with his best university friend and is one of the top students in the generation. He's also a model, nerd, gamer, works out and whatnot. He is sweet to everyone and talks to everyone but he can be very sassy at times. He was the one who had a verbal fight with Libra because Libra triggered him and he destroyed her verbally. He's really skinny and dreamy and he has a very deep voice and an excellent taste in fashion and style. His style is kinda dark and he's so aesthetic. He listens to some music that no other people in the world listen to but he also listens to some mainstream music. In fact, he listens to whatever he wants and he doesn't really think about what other people think about him. He tends to roll his eyes a lot and he cares about his physical beauty more than he cares about his love life. He's too egotistic and self-centered and he's extremely picky, which makes him single most of the time.

anonymous asked:

I can't help but hate levi///han now that levi is a dick to hange and doesn't deserve her I read this theory that questiong thing from this month means they are not even friends anymore bcoz levi doesn't feel comfortable enough to call hange by the nickame he had for her anymore and that's sad and also makes me angry because hange is always so nice to him and levi is a douche

Eh, that’s not how I see it.

IMO him dropping that nickname means 1) he legitimately respects her new position and wants to place an emphasis on that by example (humanity’s strongest soldier respecting the new commander is a big deal), and 2) he’s actively trying not to be a dick by throwing out a nickname that is NO LONGER APPROPRIATE – not just due to her rank, but, you know, the fact that she’s lost/damaged/ruined one of her eyes, now. 

The situation that ruined her eye was extremely traumatic: it got her work assistant killed–not to mention all of her colleagues: people’s she’s known for years of her career. This includes Erwin, whose shoes she has to fill right away. I doubt she wants the reminder of that terrible day spat out of Levi’s mouth like it’s some kind of a funny joke when there’s very little chance of her being able to see it that way anymore. I know everyone thinks Hange would take it with a grain of salt and all that (cracking jokes galore), but she has feelings and again: the situation was very traumatic. You don’t see Levi cracking jokes about his traumatic experiences, do you?

Fandom conveniently forgets that Hange is a person who experiences human emotion because they’re desperate to keep the ship dynamic for levihan the same forever.

And look, until we got this information, I think interpreting Hange as the sort of person who wanted normalcy there to distract from the depressing and painful reality was believable and realistic.

But with this information it seems that’s not actually the case.

And that’s okay! There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s okay for your headcanons to be proven wrong on occasion.

And listen to me, here: people change. They grow, and it’s not always apart. Sometimes they grow together, especially after they’ve been through something rough. The fight in Shiganshina was a rough experience. 

Hange has been through a surprising lot, though she’s barely focused on during those chapters. Almost the entire military branch she works in was wiped out. She lost countless acquaintances and friends. Now she has to lead what’s left of it…and without an eye. I wish fandom would stop laughing it off like it’s a cute “fun” injury because it looks “cool.” It was probably highly traumatic and painful for her, not just in the moment, either. The fact that it took so long for her to get treatment might have even been the real reason she lost it. The eye loss is associated with all kinds of trauma, both physical and mental. She’s a soldier, she’s accepted that something like this could happen, but that doesn’t make it easier to deal with; it doesn’t make any of her losses less painful.

So let’s talk about the responsibility that’s instantly clamped down on her shoulders after this, because Hange doesn’t even get a second to herself to just, you know, mourn or be sad. She’s the commander now. And while the SC might have sealed the wall(s), it was at a great price (and still under Erwin’s command almost entirely). Hange is going to have to fight for respect from pretty much everyone. Mission accomplished and all, but now that the walls are sealed, humanity is safe again lmao fuck the Survey Corps do we even need that branch anymore? Hange is going to have to present a case to save humanity and exterminate the titans and she’s going to need all the respect she can get to do that. She’s going to need more soldiers because <10 isn’t going to be enough. She’s going to need money and supplies and gear. I hate saying this, but it might not be something she’s capable of presenting on her own merit because she’s largely unknown by the people. (Her newspaper shenanigans help her case but only in that specific area.) However, humanity’s strongest soldier has pretty much all the respect from everyone in this world. If he has her back and is standing proudly at her side, it probably helps her case immensely. (He believes her, he believes in her, this isn’t some kind of a sick joke.)

I want to remind everyone, too, that when the newspapers start telling “the truth” of humanity’s situation, it’s like a 50/50 split? Lots of people think it’s bullshit. That doesn’t help Hange. Like I said: she needs all the respect and the backup she can get. Literally every ounce.


IMO, Levi dropping the nickname “shitty-glasses” was the best thing that could have happened to the ship. I know people think it means they’re not “equals” anymore, but everyone’s focusing on the wrong thing, here.

Up to this point in the manga we’ve seen Levi treat Hange more or less equally, but even in his attempts to comfort her he’s rough. He calls her by a rude nickname that we’re never sure is supposed to be endearing or not. For all we know, he means it in the way a coworker might call the fat guy in the group “porkchop” or other kids might be mean to a classmate by calling them “four-eyes.” Speculation and headcanons aside, canon hasn’t ever really given us a clear idea of what that nickname meant to Levi, let alone to Hange. She lets him call her it, but that doesn’t tell us much. For all we ever knew, she was used to being treated poorly by her peers.

However, with this new information, it sounds much more like the nickname “shitty-glasses” was, coming from Levi, an awkwardly endearing nickname–one he meant no harm with.

And we see that because he drops it. He goes out of his way to consciously stop a habit of his that would seem disrespectful to other people regardless of what it originally meant between them. Levi respects Hange and this is how he shows it. That’s a big deal.

I’d also like to point out, again, that it’s very likely he does this out of more than just respect for his commanding officer. Levi is hardly one to follow conventions, after all.

Hange is his friend. He cares about her safety and we’ve seen this (beneath the chapel). We’ve also seen him clumsily care about the place she’s in mentally (post-Nick’s death). I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that he cares about her feelings, too. And if this nickname drudges up emotional backlash and trauma for her, then by dropping it he’s showing that he cares about her and respects her as his friend.

Rumor
  • Minho: There's a rumor going around, you know.
  • You: What rumor?
  • Minho: Apparently there's this guy who really likes you but doesnt have the guts to tell you.
  • You: Who is it?
  • Minho: He'd kill me if I told you.
  • You: I thought we were best friends.
  • Minho: He's also one of my best friends.
  • You: Minho, you're only other best friends are Thomas, and Newt and it's definitely not one of them.
  • -
  • Thomas: Hey (Y/N), I heard about the guy who's in love with you.
  • You: Oh, so he's in love with me?
  • Newt: No he isnt.
  • You: Can't you shanks just admit that there is no guy. If there were, you'd at the least give me a name.
  • Thomas: Mm, no names. But you know him. *winks*
  • (walk away)
  • You: I know everyone in the bloody glade.
  • -
  • Minho: Do you want to know more about your secret admirer?
  • You: Not really.
  • Minho: And why not?
  • You: Because you shanks are playing with me.
  • -
  • Newt: You alright?
  • You: *laughs* Just doing my best to stay away from the boys and their secret admirer crap.
  • Newt: Don't think you have one?
  • You: Have you met the boys? Of course not. Besides if there were, I dont understand why he wouldn't talk to me.
  • Newt: Maybe he's afraid you won't like him back.
  • You: How will he ever know if he wont talk to me?
  • Newt: Give the shank a break, he's a shy one.
  • You: So you know him?
  • Newt: *under his breath* Better than you'd think.
  • -
  • You: The hints you gave me about the guy.. Are they true?
  • Minho: Yeah he's a shy dude, one of my best friends and won't shut up about you when you're not around.
  • You: I think I have a clue about who it is.
  • Minho: It's not all that hard to tell if your pay attention to the way he looks at you.
  • You: What if it's the guy I'm thinking of?
  • Minho: I think you know exactly who he is, (Y/N).
  • -
  • You: Guess what? I found out who the secret admirer is.
  • Newt: Oh..how?
  • You: Doesn't matter. Do you think now I know he'll grow a pair and ask me out?
  • Newt: If he does, will you say yes?
  • You: Only if he stops referring to himself in the third person.
  • Newt: Okay (Y/N), would you like to go out with me?
  • You: Y'know I always had a thing for boys with accents.

izzycat6  asked:

Do you have recommendations for a Klance slowburn fic? (Doesn't really matter if it's an AU)

Friend f r i e n d it’s been ages since I actually got to sit down and read a fic but I’ve read lots of them in the past so you definitely came to the right person :P (I actually wrote one of my own; it’s called Magic Me Some Love and is about Galra!Keith/Magician!Lance in a medieval fantasy setting, if you’re into that.)

Now. Slow burn klance fics that aren’t on pretty much every fic rec list out there already with a minimum of either 60k words or that are unfinished still:

Ignorance Is Bliss by YouAreInAComaWakeUp

As it turns out, learning that your house is haunted makes the ghosts a lot more aggressive. Who knew?
Ah, well. At least one of them is hot. And he’s the less-evil one, too, so that’s always a plus.

>> R E A D  I T  IT’S SO MUCH MORE THAN YOUR AVERAGE GHOST FIC JUST- JUST DO IT JUST ONE CHAPTER D O I T– JS UT FKCIN G D O IOT- -

The Message by Shipstiel

Keith is texted by accident by some idiot one day, and honestly he’s not even sure why he responds. Or why he keeps responding. Yet somehow he finds himself drawn in, and okay, so maybe this fool is mildly entertaining after all. Who would’ve thought.

>>wrong number AU with an extra dash of angst. But if you’ve read any of the other fics this author has written you’ll know that they specialize in fluff and that absolutely shines through in the fic^^

Quest for Altea by fandomlicious

20 years after the legendary sword Voltron was drawn from its stone by Queen Allura, it is stolen and eventually lost in the dangerous Balmeran Forest. To prevent the rogue knight Zarkon, his witch companion Haggar and their army of Galra warriors from claiming the sword and conquering all of Altea, it falls to Lance, with the help of a dark-haired hermit, to embark on the treacherous journey, save his kingdom and reunite his broken family.

>>if you don’t mind OCs that you get to know throughout the fic taking on a more important role, you should totally check out this fic. It’s plot heavy and reads like a published novel :D

Foreign Scenes by bwyn

Lance has been dreaming of travelling since the first time he heard stories from his family as a child. Now, having finally the time and money to do it, he goes on a trip to Europe to see some of the most culturally rich cities on the continent. Except he keeps bumping into the same guy over and over again, in random cities, doing stupid shit, and ultimately dragging Lance into his trouble, too.

>>it’s one of the few fics that I haven’t read personally yet and still won’t hesitate to recommend. lots of my friends have read and praised it, apparently it’s fluffy and fun. it’s absolutely on my to read list :D

Crossroads by manamune

When Keith crashed his Lion into a Galra warship in order to stop it from destroying a solar system, and more importantly, his friends, he was fully prepared to die for it.
What he didn’t prepare for was to wake up in an alternate universe where he and Lance were dating.

>>this one. if you haven’t read it yet, go read it. it was my fav voltron fic for a long long time!!!! it’s got it all, plot, romance, character development, realistic amounts of angst- it’s very very good. 

Drive It Like You Mean It by Zizzani

The Castle of Lions is the venue for the city’s most dangerous illegal street races where drivers come to test the cut of their tires. Lance has long defended his title as champion, but when a newcomer shows up and threatens his position things take an interesting turn.

>>not into cars and street racing AUs? neither am i, my friend, and yet this is one of the best voltron fics i’ve read. trust me when i tell you that you want to read everything written by this author.

Sharps and Accidentals by Zizzani (! unfinished!)

Keith is a talented up and coming violin virtuoso. Lance hates him immediately.
Or an AU in which Lance and Keith both attend the same music university. Keith is deaf. Lance is Trying™.

>>if there is one deaf!AU you should read then it’s this one. it’s really amazing all around - i’ve been following it since 2016 and i still always get excited over e-mail updates.

Ghost of the Future / Shadow of the Past by wittyy_name & Zizzani (! unfinished!)

When Lance is thrown through time, his future self from one year ahead is transported to the past in his place.
-
When Lance is thrown through time, he finds himself one year in the future, in place of the Lance that should be here.

>>WHEN I SAW THAT THESE TWO WRITERS WOULD COLLAB ON A FIC I NEARLY DIED BRUH THESE MIRROR FICS ARE AMAZE JUST LIKE THEIR OTHER FICS

Stick It by noussommeslessquelettes

After a run-in with the law, former national phenom turned delinquent Keith Kogane is forced to return to the regimented world of elite gymnastics, facing old foes and new challenges.

>>!!!!!!!!!! it’s such a good fic!! based on such a good movie!!!!! i’m kinda upset that not more people have read it, it’s good, give it a try, it won’t disappoint^^

Not That Bad by varelsen

A college AU featuring coffee shops, silly rivalries, motorcycles, arcade games, friendships, and lots of warm, fluffy feelings that are both confusing and delightful all at the same time.

>>the summary nails it. also starring socially anxious!keith but despite that he seems pretty in character. it’s amazing and i really love this author’s style of writing :D

He Who Fights Monsters by magisterpavus

In a world where monstrous dragons terrorize humanity daily, the Garrison trains valiant Knights to slay the evil beasts and defend Earth. But when Knight cadet Lance Espinosa is kidnapped by a strange red dragon who kills its own kind, certain truths are revealed…and so are the true monsters.

>>dragon au i repeat dragon au this is not a drill everyone - this fic!!! is freaking!!!! amazing!!!!!!! it’s in my top 5 minimum go try it out :D

Altea High by Lixie (! unfinished!)

Go back to school they said. It’ll be fun they said. Yeah, sure. It’s tons of fun scaling lava walls, accidentally setting things on fire, and being babysat by the school’s flirt.
When Lance signed up (*cough* bribed *cough*) to show the new firebug around the school he thought it would be a piece of cake. He did not anticipate the sour attitude, spontaneous explosions, intimate moments in elevators…

>>the sky high au you always knew you needed :D it’s still in the very early stages but the fic is really fun so far!!

Blue Shells and Comic Books by SonofHades (! unfinished!)

Lance has too much time on his hands, Keith doesn’t have enough. Lance leans more towards being outgoing and sociable, while Keith keeps to himself and can be mostly unpleasant. Neither think they have anything in common. What they don’t realize, however, is that there happens to be a very popular graphic novel that connects them together. Lance happens to be an avid reader and Keith just happens to secretly be the author.

>>another fic i’m super pumped for oh my god. each new chapter mail has me grinning like a maniac. the waiting between updates is suffering but all worth it in the end. it’s fun and interesting and i love it!

Flirting With Death by drippingpen (! unfinished!)

Keith commits the ultimate taboo as a grim reaper: he saves a life.
More specifically, he saves Lance’s life.
Now they are forever linked, unable to survive without the other. Keith must protect Lance from the forces that are trying to right Keith’s wrong and kill Lance.

>>skdfghjksfhgdksjfhgjfjd i cannot describe it. the plot is really amazing and keith and lance are so attracted to each other but they can’t kiss because that would literally kill lance. it belongs to the top most interesting voltron fics out there :D

in your shoes by lydiamartin (! unfinished!)

The one where Keith and Lance live in different cities but swap bodies – and angry love notes – multiple times a week.

>>Kimi No Na Wa (your name) AU!!!! so basically anything but your typical body switch AU :P give it a try, you will be surprised by it, especially if you haven’t seen the movie.

Of Lions And House Cats by Ms_Towa (! unfinished!)

Keith is a superhero who’s been pining after the cute boy who works at the music shop across the street from HQ. He also doesn’t know that the cute boy is the same vigilante he wants to bring to justice.

>>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! all the chapters are insanely long but they’re all worth it. the plot develops rather slowly but it’s perfect as it is :P the slowest of burns. despite that it never made me lose interest in it so definitely go check it out if you have multiple hours of nothing to do!! :D


I’m gonna stop here because this list is already insanely long but it is faaaaaar from finished, believe me. This fandom produces so many good fics I can’t keep up with it ; - ;

Me as a parent
  • kid: mom tell me a story
  • me: it was the summer of 2001, and Joe meets Patrick and he's like "yo, I know about music." then Patrick's like "yo I know more about music!" "that's impossible. so you wanna start a band?" and Patrick's like, "yeah that's cool." and then, he's like "yo this is a book store not a music store." and then they met at Patrick's house. so Patrick's wearing shorts, socks, and a hat. Patrick is playing drums for some fuckin' reason and then Pete's there for some reason. and they start playing music together and they're like "oh, let's play some covers from some other bands." it was like Green Day, and fuckin' Misfits, and fuckin' Ramones. Pete said to Joe, "yo, that's dope, but we need a fuckin' drummer." because Patrick's playing drums and he's a singer. Patrick's like "yo, I got a soul voice," and they're like "wait how do you have a soul voice?" and he's like "yo, watch this: YEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEeeeeeeAAAAAAAAaaaaAAaahhh!" and they're like, "oh my god, that sounds like soul!" so they put it in a song, and it was like, "WHERE IS YOUR BOY TONIIIIIIIiiiiiIIIIIIIIIiiiIIIIIIIGHT?!" and they're like "yo that's fuckin perfect, this is Fall Out Boy." and they made records like Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend. Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend, everybody loves it. "it's called Evening Out With Your Girlfriend." with your ex-girlfriend. it's called evening out with your Ex-girlfriend. it's called eating out your girlfriend, and it's real and it doesn't matter. and Pete talked to Patrick and Joe and he's like "you what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. yo, this is gonna be fuckin' doooooooooope!" so they made a record and it was called Take this to Your Grave. they made it without a drummer, and they had like 3—4 drummers come in. The four drummers they had come in were like Josh Freese, Neil Pert, the dude from Toto, the fourth one was like the guy from Papa Roach or something, and they're like "you, we need Andy Hurley. Andy Hurley. Take This to Your Grave. Fuckin' record it." and he did, and he killed it, and he was like "bigidalililililillillilila, PSHHH!" killin' the skin, tapping the skins, tapping the rim, playin' the shit, killing these bitches, rapping it out. you're getting a fucking tattoo right now?! what the fuck is going on?! We should get signed to Fueled By Ramen, 'cause thee guys know what the fuck is going on. and they were like "yo, if you can make our scene any bigger than it is, which is not fuckin' hard, we will sign you guys." and Pete was like "yo, we got this record that's fuckin' dooooooope, dude, it's called Take This to Your Grave, it's called From Under the Cork Tree it's gonna be fucking huge." and then Patrick's like "I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it artistic, these are three songs that are gonna make the album and it's called-BURP-Thnks Fr th Mmrs, 20 Dollar Nose Bleed, and Sugar, Were Goin' Down. and they made this record that was fuckin' dope, and it fucking hit on the charts like one two three, three two one, three four five six seven eight nine ten. ten to one. From Under the Cork Tree sold like four million records. ten million records. fifteen million records. and Brendon Urie had nothing to do with the entire record. and Patrick was like "that's gooooOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOd." Pete was like, "yo, fuck you I can do whatever I want." and Joe was like, "yeah it's cool man whatever I don't give a shit." and then Andy was like "eh, cool." and Pete was like "Make up is fuckin' great for a guy. because it makes a guy look beautiful, which a lot of times, a guy is not beautiful. and I wanna change that. I wanna make sure everyone thinks that guys are beautiful." I'm good so far yeah. yeah I do. SHUT THE FUCK. oh fuck, alright alright. Pete was like "oh my god, I'm so embarrassed about this dick pic." and then I saw the dick pic and was like "ah it's not bad." it's not a bad dick. let's be real. we made Rollins Stones one issue before Fall Out Boy. and Fall Out Boy made the issue right after us and they were so pissed they were like "yo, fuck you guys!" they're like "yo! Panic! has the fuckin' cover for Rolling Stones, yo, fuck these dudes, we're gonna fucking go miles above. we're gonna hit every fuckin' continent there is known to man." but they didn't because they missed a second of time. apparently they were like "oh shit, we got every continent." and they didn't actually hit it. dude, and Pete was like, "WHAT THE FUCK?! 'oh you didn't fuckin' make the continent' it's like FUCK YOU!" so From Under the Cork Tree happens, we fuckin' have three-four years of awesomeness. like, people are coming in themselves 'cause it's so big. Alright so Fall Out Boy was like-- so Patrick's like "yo, we are going to name these records from under the Cork tree and from Innity-- from infinity on high." Pete was like "yo folie à deux means the theatric of two." "The madness of two." oh sorry I'm sorry. follow boy was like "yo we got to take a break." Meaning Pete was like "yo we got to take a break bro." and Patrick's like "I need time for my music. UHUhUhUHuhUUUh." and joes like "yo I need time to find the fucking art dude I got to find some fucking me-- metal" and andys like "i'm just gonna play with some fucking metal bands." and they're like "all right this breaks been like three years long two years long three years long 3 1/2? we gotta fucking come back man we gotta come back strong." you took my beer away what the fuck? "no you poured it all over yourself." "yeah you poured it on yourself man here." "we got to make this shit legit it's gonna be fucking dope it's going to go fucking sky high. we're going to make a fucking record that sails the skies. we're going to call this record save rock 'n' roll." so they made alone together light 'em up alone together Phoenix. and everybody's like "what the fuck? you're working with this guy who fuckin' recorded Avril Lavigne and P!nk." is this pu-- what the fuck is this on my shirt, did I puke on myself? oh god. Pete was like "yo were gonna end up on a tour with Panic! At The Disco and twenty pilots. and that's all and that's all that matters. and that's just how the fuckin' story goes."

anonymous asked:

i'm bitter because noora always gets so much screentime but also because it makes NO sense this season and they didn't even try an explanation? like can we at least know why chris and sana aren't as close anymore? also, vilde and sana seemed closer than noora and sana in s2 and 3 but that doesn't fit julie shoving noora into every scene so we get caricature vilde instead

I know, I was actually really excited at the start of this season because it was a chance to explore the other side of the girl squad. Sana and Chris were the two who were originally friends and I’ve always been curious what their relationship would be like… but I can accept that Ina is busy. Maybe in-universe they weren’t as close after Chris got absorbed with Kasper but like you said, it would be nice to have given them a nod? Wouldn’t Chris at least still be texting her pictures of cats tagged “it u” or something? But actually the relationship in the girl squad I’ve always found the most interesting for Sana is Vilde

They were introduced as the polar opposites of the girl squad and their conflict and its dramatic resolution was the basis of establishing that they’re all friends in the first place. Sana’s had a lot of big emotional moments with her (“I threw water in Ingrid’s face because she and her friends called you a slut for hooking up with William.” “Vilde isn’t a mean person. We’re her friends.” ‘What are you talking about? You’re our bus boss.” “She’s actually the first one I would take to war with me.”) So, even if they were in conflict, I think it would have been way more interesting to put more time into exploring Sana’s relationship with Vilde.

I would have loved this season be more about driving out the problems between them: their shared leadership (just last season they ran Kosegruppa together, this is a thing they do), Vilde’s prejudice getting pulled into the light and confronted, maybe Vilde saying something about how she doesn’t think Sana respects her (two of the nicest things she’d said about Vilde have been said to other people, how good would it be to parallel this in s4 with Sana answering her this time?). We could still get this but Vilde hasn’t really been the face of the conflict (we spend so much time on the Pepsi Max girls) and she’s already been presented as SO unpalatable and SO islamophobic this season. I would much rather first be exploring why Sana said this (and then seeing it break down):

Instead… we’ve had Sana and Noora against the world. It feels strange to ignore that Noora and Eva are best friends and just a little too convenient to me that Noora is number one in Sana’s books once we get to her season. That’s Skam’s biggest weakness, I think: shuffling around their characters from season to season based on what’s convenient and not keeping emotional continuity. Imho, I just think this is far too much time spent on her when she already had an entire season to herself and a significant focus during s1. Why can’t we be spending our remaining minutes on characters who’ll never get the spotlight (*coughs* also Even)? Who have a more organic relationship with the lead? Why instead do we have so much wasted energy on things that don’t even seem to go anywhere (Noora/Yousef, Vilde/Magnus, Noora and Sana talking to those random guys at the cafe)??

pagan holiday guide 2017

hello friends!!! some of you may know me as a pagan (originally wiccan but decided that wasnโ€™t the path for me so now just a pantheistic pagan). thereโ€™s lots of pagan holidays so any excuse for a party right?? here are the ones this year and what theyโ€™re all about and how to celebrate them!

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ask-changeling-eight  asked:

Your movement of anti fascism will fail. Do you know why? Because fascism doesn't exist. We killed it after world war 2. Honestly if you did even a little research into fascist Italy Japan or Germany you'd see you're just like them. Black uniforms, masks with skulls, attacking people to instill total fear into the hearts of people who don't agree with you. Fighting fascism with fascism doesn't make you the good guys, it makes you a slightly different version of fascist.

Sigh.  The sad thing is that we get messages just like this from clear, well-informed experts on fascism like ask-changeling-eight all the time.  

Because fascism doesn’t exist. We killed it after world war 2

Oh, that’ll be a huge surprise to Francoist Spain or the Estado Novo regime in Portugal or the people suffering under the fascists of Daesh/ISIS/ISIL or the 200+ fascist cults, political parties, and terrorist groups that have existed since WW2.  You should tell them.

you’d see you’re just like them. Black uniforms, masks with skulls,

Of course, because fascism (which we’ll remind you no longer exists according to yourself) is defined by the clothes people wear.  That’s in the dictionary-definition of fascism, right?

fas·cismˈfaSHˌizəm/nounan authoritarian and nationalistic right-wing system of government and social organization.synonyms:authoritarianism, totalitarianism, dictatorship, despotism, autocracy; More (in general use) extreme right-wing, authoritarian, or intolerant views or practice.

fascism [fash-iz-uh m] noun1.(sometimes initial capital letter) a governmental system led by a dictator having complete power, forcibly suppressing opposition and criticism, regimenting all industry, commerce, etc., and emphasizing an aggressive nationalism and often racism.2.(sometimes initial capital letter) the philosophy, principles, or methods of fascism.3.(initial capital letter) a political movement that employs the principles and methods of fascism, especially the one established by Mussolini in Italy 1922–43.

fascism noun  fas·cism \ˈfa-ˌshi-zəm also ˈfa-ˌsi-\

1often capitalized :  a political philosophy, movement, or regime (such as that of the Fascisti) that exalts nation and often race above the individual and that stands for a centralized autocratic government headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition2:  a tendency toward or actual exercise of strong autocratic or dictatorial control early instances of army fascism and brutality — J. W. Aldridge

attacking people to instill total fear into the hearts of people who don’t agree with you.

Right.  Because advocating for apartheid and genocide = just another, perfectly normal opinion that we may not agree with and should just have a polite debate about over tea.  

Or maybe fascism (which, of course, you’ve informed us doesn’t exist), isn’t even a valid opinion but instead is a historically & scientifically-discredited belief that is common to the beginning of every genocide in human history.  

Fighting fascism with fascism doesn’t make you the good guys, it makes you a slightly different version of fascist.

Now where have we heard this liberal false equivalency bullshit before?  


hooligan-nova “Fighting fascists makes you a fascist” makes no sense. The defining feature of fascism is not violence.

If I fight a mugger I’m not a mugger. If I fight a bear it doesn’t make me a bear.
Fascism is about control and antifascism is about refusal of that control. 


Let’s leave the last word for Holocaust survivor Frank Frison, shall we?

“If fascism could be defeated in debate, I assure you that it would never have happened, neither in Germany, nor in Italy, nor anywhere else. Those who recognised its threat at the time and tried to stop it were, I assume, also called “a mob”. Regrettably too many “fair-minded” people didn’t either try, or want to stop it, and, as I witnessed myself during the war, accommodated themselves when it took over … People who witnessed fascism at its height are dying out, but the ideology is still here, and its apologists are working hard at a comeback. Past experience should teach us that fascism must be stopped before it takes hold again of too many minds, and becomes useful once again to some powerful interests.”   

ask-changeling-eight, if you’d like to actually learn about what fascism is and how it developed so you don’t look like such an ill-informed jackass the next time you decide to opine on the topic, we’d recommend having an adult read & explain this book to you.


anonymous asked:

imo, the fact that louis is stuck is why harry has this kind of leeway. or the other way around. no matter. it's just sad for the both of them, and esp louis whose team does not care about him, but just the stunts around him. in this lt001, i'll just blast the music, so the others would just be background noise.

Eh, I don’t agree with your first sentence. Harry has ALWAYS been able to play fast and loose with ambiguous quotes about his sexuality, gay innuendo, eccentric and feminine fashion choices, and so on…and actually, his allowance for that has increased over time. In direct contrast, Louis has been allowed to venture into those things less and less as the years have passed. I think the difference lies not in how their teams are playing off each other (I don’t think Harry is able to have more “gay” interviews because of Louis’ ironclad closet), but in how their own respective closets have always been different from one another. Harry was cemented as a womanizer so early on that he’s able to put minimal effort into reinforcing his closet because other people do the work for him. As we saw today, he can act gay as fuck and there will still be a huge defense squad claiming that he’s straight, claiming that he’s just joking around, claiming that he’s a huge advocate for the LGBTQ+ community and that’s all it is, claiming that he’s a true man in touch with his feminine side, claiming that he’s a straight man who’s not afraid to have fun and reject stereotypes, etc.

With Louis……it’s never ever been like that. He was super flamboyant and read as gay automatically to SO MANY PEOPLE back in the day, and over time, they’ve attempted to extinguish so many aspects of his true identity or shove them behind closed doors, and it continues to this day. People rave about so many of Harry’s photoshoots and fashion choices, and while I don’t think Louis would make the same choices in most cases because he’s his own person with his own distinct personality and fashion sense, when people try to make comparisons or act like Harry and Louis are so different because of the images they portray to the public, sometimes I just want to be like……do you guys really not realize that Louis would NEVER in a million years be allowed to do anything that veers even slightly from the hypermasculine, laddy, I’m-all-about-my-girl image they’ve been fine-tuning for years? Louis would NEVER be allowed to wear the clothing that Harry wore in Another Man or even Rolling Stone. Louis would NEVER be allowed to reject a model and get turned on by a man in an interview and then chuckle about it with the gay radio host and his stylist. His closet is so different from Harry’s, and it’s been that way for a long fucking time. And I’m not minimizing what Harry’s been through - his closet is less strict now, sure, but he’s been through some serious shit and what the media and fans do to him on a near daily basis with their het fantasies and linking him with every woman on the planet….it’s disgusting. But I feel like for a fandom that talks endlessly about how terrible their closets are, a lot of people don’t realize how much they’ve all bought the distinct images of both Harry and Louis in certain ways, despite the fact that both are at best, somewhat, and at worst, completely dictated by how different their closets are and always have been.

With Louis, it’s not just about the baby, or Eleanor. It’s everything. It’s years and years worth of publicly erasing his genuine self and making him little more than a shell of masculinity supported by his fake baby and fake girlfriend, with a career and family life and friendships and charity work and personality that always, always, always come second to everything straight about him. With the Observer, I had so much hope that this promo would show more of HIM, who he actually is, a dynamic and fascinating and lovely person, but then I see how things are going, and I look at how differently some things have gone for Harry, and then I realize that this is just going to be more of the same for Louis. And I don’t understand why and I don’t think I ever will, but it’s terrible to watch. It’s sad and so frustrating, but I won’t stop wanting better for him anytime soon.