and this amused me


I have this headcanon that whenever Jason and Tim have an opportunity to refer to Damian’s age, they keep progressively saying he’s younger and younger just to get under Dami’s skin.  

*Watching TV and there’s a sex scene*

Jason, leaping over the coffee table to cover Damian’s eyes: Don’t let him see! He’s only ten!

Damian, hissing like an angry cat: I am fourteen you idiot, and I already know what intercourse is!

*One of the Titans cuss in front of him*

Tim, allowing his coffee mug to drop and shatter on the ground in order to cover Damian’s ears: Conner you can’t speak in front of him like that, he’s seven for hecks sake!

Damian, bright red with anger: Unhand me Drake before I punch you with my FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD FIST

*After carefully glancing around to make sure no one is watching him at one of Bruce’s charity galas, Damian sneaks a sip of champagne*

Jason and Tim after appearing from out of nowhere:

“Goodness gravy, Damian! You’re only three years old, stop trying to grow up so fast.”

“Why don’t we get you some juice? Nine month olds are allowed to drink juice right?”

Damian: *screams*

Ah, the carnival... so many fun attractions to go on!

First, check out the merry-go-round, and treat yourself to an ice-cold…

…“Clused Pop!

They come in three flavors: chary, leem, and opal.

Next, prepare yourself for the wacky thrills…

…of the Fun Hose!

We don’t know exactly how this virtual world designed to be the best amusement park possible managed to lose a sign letter, but we suspect the clown entrance ate it.

After that, consider running from the jaguar-headed ape thing straight into…

…the “Foature” tent!

Warning: sign may change later to properly read “fortune” in closeups when the animators finally notice.

And last of all, when you’re tired of the boardwalk, come on down to everyone’s favorite – the classic, the unforgettable…

…”Fun.

Do you eat it? Play it? Ride it? Is it full of kittens? In all honestly, we have no idea, but there’s a good chance it’s illegal.

My boyfriend told me over text that he didn't know the Minotaur story
  • Boyfriend: I... I don't even know the story that well babe, I can't even say xD
  • Me: Okay so
  • Me: Poseidon gives a bull to King Minos, the best and shiniest bull you ever saw, and he's like "You can have this, but only if you promise to sacrifice it to me later" and Minos is like "Sure yeah okay man whatever" so Poseidon sends this bestest bull ever galloping up out of the salty sea spray, and everyone standing around is like "Hot fuck look at that bull" And Minos agrees, and he likes the bull SO much he decides to just quietly sort of...keep it. And he does kill a bull for Poseidon but it's one of his own, lame normal bulls, and Poseidon's no pushover so of course he notices.
  • Me: Poseidon is also notoriously easily angered, and he's royal pissed about this, so he comes up with one of the most devious punishments ever, and he infects Minos' wife Pasiphae with a desperate, DESPERATE thirst for the bull. Like she can think of nothing but getting some of that hot Bull D.
  • Boyfriend: ..........Thefuck.
  • Me: But it's hard to convince a bull, especially a divinely spawned bull, to fuck you if you are in fact not a cow but a human queen, so she comes up with a plan
  • Boyfriend: I thought some god comes down in bull form and fucks her??
  • Me: Ohh, no no no, that's the much much more tame story of Europa, who has sex with Zeus in bull form. This is different
  • Me: She goes to the best inventor she knows, Daedalus, and she's like "I need this bull to fuck me I NEED IT" and Daedalus is like "That's really weird maybe you should talk to someone" and she's like "I am talking to you and I am your queen so you better fucking make this happen for me I am going to peel my own skin off if I don't get some bull dick ASAP. But he doesn't want me because I am not fat, four-legged, and mooing."
  • Boyfriend: Oh..... oh no.
  • Me: So Daedalus shrugs, probably shudders a little, and builds the prettiest, most fuckable wooden cow a bull ever saw, but he makes it hollow, presumably with some openings in some awkward places.
  • Boyfriend: OH GOD. NO.
  • Me: So Pasiphae puts this monstrosity in the field with the bull, climbs in it, and waits. And Daedalus really is a skilled inventor, and he apparently knows what a bull likes, because Pasiphae finally gets the hot bull loving she's been dreaming of
  • Boyfriend: I........ I need an aspirin. That is disgusting.
  • Me: Only she apparently hasn't been tracking her cycles, because she gets pregnant, and births the minotaur and King Minos is like "What the fuck?" and Pasiphae is like "Honey I need to tell you something"
  • Me: And that is how it happened
  • Boyfriend: That is NOT HOW THAT WORKS
  • Me: Welcome to Mythology.
8

And I can tell that he got nervous about like “Am I being rude?” You can just see everything what’s going on inside of his brain, which is amazing. 

+ bonus 

Nick: [about Harry’s collection of suits] are these gonna get a different wear, Harry?

Harry: Well I have a couple of christenings coming up, so I might reuse the gold–

Nick, horrified: You CAN’T wear–

Harry, continuing: Yeah I might use the gold one–

Nick: No.

Harry: For…[waits for Nick to protest again]…for the christening

Nick: You can’t wear that to a christening

Harry: I think I’ll, it, I think I’ll be subtle. I’ll slide in, stand at the back–

Nick, again: No.

Harry: uh, slip out just before the end–

Nick, for the third time in about thirty seconds: No.