and they were gonna throw it out

MYSTERY STORY TIME

So there was a single, solitary kiwi on our counter in the kitchen.

And I decided to make fun of my roommate for it, because who buys one, single, solitary kiwi? So I asked her that.

Roommate: I didn’t buy a kiwi.

Me: This isn’t your kiwi?

Roommate: No?

Me: But this isn’t my kiwi.

Roommate: That kiwi was there when I got home.

Me: I don’t even eat kiwi!

As you can see, it’s a real kiwi. Here it is, on my counter, giving away nothing.

But I was still confused as to where it came from. Did one of us accidentally buy a kiwi at the store? 

So I looked up the Kiwiny company to figure out which stores it’s sold at, to see which one of us might have bought it, since we tend to use different grocery stores.

Kiwiny doesn’t have American retailers.

There is literally no reason for this kiwi to be in my kitchen.

UPDATE:

lots of people have been asking me if I ever figured out where the kiwi came from. So to provide an update on the magical kiwi … one day I took a nap and had a dream about those creepy spiders that hide in bananas and I thought like oh my god this kiwi is gonna be full of spiders. So I woke up and promptly put the kiwi in a ziploc bag. To contain the dream spiders.

The kiwi sat on the counter for a few days, then got moved to the top of the fridge to get it out of the way. It sat there for a couple weeks. It never appeared to go bad? I did eventually throw it out, just because I was confused about it and neither of us were ever going to eat the kiwi.

Never found out why the kiwi was in my kitchen. I guess we’ll never know.

UPDATE UPDATE:

Kiwiny is following me on twitter now.

GAME GRUMPS SENTENCE STARTERS. 

  • ❝ God, what if we just fucked one day? ❞
  • ❝ Don’t sass me in front of the internet. ❞
  • ❝ Follow your stupid fucking dreams. ❞
  • ❝ Come at me scrub lord, I’m ripped. ❞
  • ❝ I just wanna have sex with space. ❞
  • ❝ Get in the tub with me, daddy. ❞
  • ❝ Will you just relax and let me kill for money? ❞
  • ❝ That sounds like your problem. Fuck you. ❞
  • ❝ Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Eat your teeth. ❞ 
  • ❝ Make like a tree and fucking die. ❞
  • ❝ Dude just…just pity laugh at least. ❞
  • ❝ Man, Club Penguin’s gotten weird. ❞
  • ❝ We are like the Stephen Kings of stupid. ❞
  • ❝ Why do you enjoy watching me suffer so? ❞
  • ❝ Do I have to jerk you off to blow your mind? ❞
  • ❝ I haven’t had so much fun since I killed my parents. ❞
  • ❝ Unfortunately I had sex with a guy/girl over the weekend. ❞
  • ❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS.
  • ❝ Revenge is a best dish served fuck you. ❞
  • ❝ Who wears pants anymore? So 2015. ❞
  • ❝ I need an ice cream sandwich and a gentle blowjob. ❞
  • ❝ Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. ❞
  • ❝ The bananas has gone bad! ❞
  • ❝ I cared for those bananas! I raised them with my own two feet! ❞
  • ❝ Did you know I’m a professional joke? My life is a joke. ❞
  • ❝ What if everyone just had constant helicopter dick? ❞
  • ❝ [ name ], does getting me wet fill you with determination? ❞
  • ❝ I can’t prove that someone ISN’T a reptilian. ❞
  • ❝ Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, you lost a family member? ❞
  • ❝ These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed’. ❞ 
  • ❝ Call me One Direction ‘cause my relevancy is dropping by the day. ❞ 
  • ❝ One time I killed a person and I didn’t report it to the police. ❞
  • ❝ I wanna take a girl to the Grand Canyon, fuck her, and throw her in. ❞ 
  • ❝ Nothing like a gunshot wound to the face to really mellow someone out. ❞ 
  • ❝ If I can’t be the best, I sure as hell can be the worst! ❞ 
  • ❝ [ name ], I’m on a date with a guy/girl right now and you’re embarrassing me. ❞
  • ❝ I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna in the kitchen, gonna open the dishwasher, and I’m gonna climb inside. ❞
  • ❝ I do apologize for my actions, even though they were totally and completely justified. ❞
  • ❝ I could pee on this couch, right now, no problem, while looking you directly in the eyes.❞ 
  • ❝ Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’ ❞
  • ❝ All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are blue, except for three of them. And there are four. ❞ 
  • ❝ And Abraham said unto Moses, ‘Bro, dude, aliens.’ ❞
  • ❝ I’m gonna throw you out the window. We don’t even have any windows in this room…I’m gonna carve out a window and throw you through it. ❞ 
  • ❝ DO IT YOU SACK OF SHIT! – Sorry. That didn’t come out as encouraging as I meant it to. ❞
  • ❝ [ name ], if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞
  • ❝ If I took pole-dancing, I would be worried that it would be too erotic for everybody else. ❞
  • ❝ Next time we make love, [ name ], would you please refer to me as your sweet cakey treasure? ❞   
  • ❝ I try to show at least one other human-being my butt hole every single day. ❞
  • ❝ The only people who don’t like sluts are the people who don’t get any. ❞ 
  • ❝ Have you ever though of a career in driving people fucking insane? Because you are already a PRO at it. ❞ 
  • ❝ I am actively looking for ways to get you to shut the fuck up. ❞
  • ❝ First of all, you have to stop calling it ‘Mary Jane.’ That’s the first rule of stonerdom. People will think you’re a fucking narc. ❞
  • ❝ First of all, no one says ‘pot-eyes’, you fuckin’ narc. ❞
  • ❝ If by OK you mean like on the inside I’m just going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ then yes, I’m quite OK ❞
  • ❝ When you walk outside there are three elements of nature that you must avoid: snow, wind, and bees. ❞ 
  • ❝ Could you imagine if you unlocked outfits in real life? Like, “Congratulations you wiped your ass, here’s a new shirt.” ❞
Young

Note: HI HI! YAY I ACTUALLY GOT TO WRITE A REQUEST! (take that, writers block!) phew, this one was…wow. I hope you like it! FEEDBACK IS WELCOME!!!! ♥♥♥ .c

Request: Age gap kink! Where reader is significantly younger than Bucky(still legal obviously) daddy kink, reader gets off on him being older maybe calling reader little girl, if you decide a fem reader, jokingly Idk idk, I love your writing thank you for blessing my eyes with it

Originally posted by seredelgi


Being the youngest Avenger was fun for the most part. You were like the team baby, though you weren’t that young. Everyone just treated you like a little kid, but you didn’t mind. You just hated when they would tease you all the time.

Out of everyone, Bucky was definitely your favorite on the team if you had to choose. You warmed up to him rather quickly and you fell for him overtime. You knew he was much older than you, even if you didn’t really count the years he was frozen and an active assassin for HYDRA. There was no chance you’d ever land someone his age, but that didn’t stop you from daydreaming about him.


Natasha smiled as she walked into the room, her white teeth on display. You were brought out of your thoughts by her voice, the tv show you had playing was now background noise. “Y/N! Do you want to go out for drinks with us?” She asked excitedly, Tony joining her just after she asked.

Before you could answer, Tony shook his head. “No. Definitely not.” He said, making you frown. “But, I-” You started only to be silenced as he held up his hand. “Not old enough.” Tony said firmly, his signature “dad” look on his face. Nat rolled her eyes at the man and crossed her arms.

“That’s not fair! I could at least just go for the music!” You exclaimed, trying to reason with Tony. “Go where for what music?” Steve asked as he walked in the room with Bucky by his side.

“Drinks.” Tony answered with a sigh. “I don’t see the issue with her just going to chill out, Tony.” Nat said as she tried to persuade Tony into letting you go.

“Well, it isn’t really a scene for the young ones, Y/N.” Steve said, siding with Tony. You gasped and creased your eyebrows together. “Seriously!? I’m not that young!“ You shouted, getting rather angry with everyone. “I can kill people, but I can’t go to a club?” You snapped, looking at Tony.

Bucky was silent, not wanting to get on your bad side. “You aren’t going. I’ll have someone stay here with you.” Tony said as he checked his watch. You let out a high pitched squeal. “Now I have to have a baby sitter!?” You gaped at Tony, standing from your spot on the couch. Tony sighed. “Yes.” He simply said before leaving the room.

You groaned and fell back onto the couch, stuffing a pillow over your face. “I tried, Y/N.” Nat said sadly as she walked out. Steve joined her and you thought Bucky had too, until he cleared his throat. “I can stay if you want.” He said, sitting down beside you. You moved the pillow and set it down, looking over at Bucky. “You don’t have to.” You sighed.

He smiled and nudged your shoulder. “I want to. I’m not really into the whole nightclub scene.” Bucky explained, his arms crossing over his chest. Your eyes trailed along his muscles and you bit your lip. Maybe staying in wouldn’t be so bad after all. “Uh, yeah sure. That’d be cool.” You said softly, your mind racing with the thought of being alone with Bucky.


The team had finally left to go party and you were ready to start the movie you picked out for the night. You had quickly threw on a tank top with some yoga shorts, wanting to get more comfortable, while Bucky was in the kitchen getting ready to pop some popcorn.

“Are you almost done?” You asked with a smile. Bucky turned to face you and his eyes landed on your exposed legs. “Y-yeah! Um, do you want butter?” Bucky cleared his throat, averting his eyes away from your body. You smirked and walked over to him. “Do you want it?” You asked softly, crossing your arms.

Bucky raised his eyebrows, his eyes falling to your breasts. “W-what?” He asked, his wide eyes meeting yours. “Butter?” You giggled, tilting your head gently. Bucky gasped, “Oh! I don’t mind.” He said with a chuckle. You blushed a little, moving to get some out of the refrigerator.

After popping the popcorn, drizzling melted butter on it, and settling down on the couch, you started the movie. A few moments in, you reached for the bowl and your hand bumped into Bucky’s. You looked over and he smiled, letting you go first.

A giggle fell from your lips when you watched him get a handful, shoving it in his mouth. “You’re gonna choke.” You said with a smile, watching Bucky shake his head. 

“Nah.” He muffled through his food, only causing another loud giggle to sound through you. Bucky jokingly shushed you and you turned your attention back to the movie. You were stuffing your face with popcorn like Bucky had been doing, only because the scene before you was so thrilling. 

“No, don’t go in there!” You yelled out, sitting up in your seat. Bucky was watching you, but you didn’t notice. He chuckled softly as you gasped. “Don’t! No! He’s-WHY DID YOU GO IN THERE!” You shouted, throwing your hands up in the air.

The male screams coming from the movie only frustrated you more. “Idiot.” You pouted, stuffing more popcorn in your mouth. Bucky laughed harder and you turned to look at him. “Stop laughing, that was so bad.” You sighed with a frown. Bucky shook his head and moved the popcorn bowl from in between the two of you.

He scooted closer to you and smiled at you. Your heart started racing and you gulped nervously. “I’m not laughing at that, I’m laughing at the butter on your face.” Bucky chuckled. 

You gasped and your face turned red. “Oh, sorry.” You whispered, moving your hand to wipe it away. Before you could, Bucky’s right hand moved up to wipe it off with his thumb. Your breath hitched in your throat and he was about to pull his hand away, but you softly gripped his wrist. He stopped moving and watched you closely.

Keeping his hand in place, you leaned forward slowly, keeping your eyes on Bucky’s while his remained focused on your mouth. Your lips rubbed against his thumb and you opened your mouth, taking it in and sucking off the butter.

A gasp fell from Bucky’s lips as he watched you suck his thumb clean. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you pulled away with a pop. Bucky gulped and his eyes met yours. 

Winking at him, you turned back to the movie. Bucky cleared his throat and you knew that you had reeled him in. Sure, he’s way older than you, but it’s not like he stopped you while you sucked on his finger.

The movie continued and Bucky kept shifting in his seat, causing you to become distracted. “Are you okay?” You asked, looking over at him. Bucky nervously looked at you and nodded. “I-I’m fine. Excuse me.” He muttered before bolting off the couch and out of the room. You frowned, staring at his empty spot on the couch.

You paused the movie so he wouldn’t miss anything, but as the minutes ticked by, you were worried you had upset Bucky. You left the room and went to find him, hoping your thoughts were incorrect. Deciding you should check his room first, you took the elevator up and continued your search.

Bucky’s door was cracked open and you gently knocked on it before stepping inside. You could see Bucky sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. “Bucky?” You asked softly, walking inside of his room. His head shot up and his cheeks turned red. “H-hey.” He choked out, resting his hands on his thighs.

You walked closer and stood in front of him, tucking your hair behind your ear. “I’m sorry if I did something wrong.” You said softly, watching him closely. He sighed and shook his head, scratching the back of his neck. “No, no. You didn’t, I just-you’re-” Bucky stumbled over his words. You nodded as you caught the hint.

“You think I’m too young.” You said with a sad scoff. You sighed and bit your lip. Bucky looked up at you and groaned. “Stop biting your lip, Y/N. Y-You drive me crazy when you do that.” Bucky said lowly, his eyes lifting to meet yours. Slowly releasing your lip, you creased your eyebrows. “I’ll just go.” You breathed before turning to leave Bucky’s room.

You felt his hand grasp onto your wrist, stopping you. “Don’t.” Bucky said, his voice laced with authority and dominance. It sent a shiver down your spine and you turned to face Bucky with wide eyes. He was breathing heavily and he swallowed thickly. “Dammit, I’m sorry. Y/N, you’re just-fuck it.” Bucky said before pulling you closer  to him.

You stumbled over your feet and Bucky pulled you onto his lap, your legs either side of his waist. He looked down at you and let his hands run over your thighs, squeezing you. 

Your heart was racing and you could feel the heat rising up your neck, reaching your cheeks. Bucky looked at you and you held onto his biceps, the muscles flexing as he moved his hands against your skin.

Bucky leaned in slowly, gauging your reaction for what was about to happen. When you didn’t pull away, he kept moving until he closed the space between your lips. 

You let out a soft moan into the kiss and your eyes fluttered shut as your hands moved to rest around Bucky’s neck. Letting your fingers rake through his hair, he groaned against your mouth as you tugged on his long locks. Your tongues danced together, his winning the dominance.

Pulling away for air, you leaned your forehead against Bucky’s. He chuckled deeply and you hummed. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” You whispered, pulling away to look into his eyes. Bucky licked his lips and nodded. “I was afraid you thought I was too old for you.” Bucky admitted, his hands moving under your tank top.

You let out a giggle, the sound making Bucky’s heart flutter. “I was afraid you thought I was too young.” You said softly, watching Bucky’s eyes land on the exposed skin of your stomach. The contrast between his hands made you shiver. “No way, I love it.” Bucky said, leaning in to press his lips to your neck.

You moaned softly and tilted your head to give him more access. His teeth nipped at your sweet spot and you let out a whimper. “Oh, Daddy.” You breathed out, your eyes widening at what you just said. Bucky stopped his movements, his lips ghosting over your skin, his warm breath causing goosebumps to cover your body.

Bucky pulled away from your neck and met your eyes. “What did you just call me?” Bucky asked, his chest rising up and down heavily. You gulped and blushed hard, biting your lip. “Daddy.” You whispered, hoping you didn’t offend him. Bucky growled and stood up, throwing you onto his bed.

You smiled as you bounced, only for the smile to fade as Bucky hovered above you. He gripped your wrists and held them above your head. You gasped as he ground his hips into yours. “Are you gonna be a good little girl for me, Y/N?” Bucky asked, his metal hand grasping both of your wrists as his flesh hand moved underneath your tank top.

He squeezed your breast and you whined, moving your hips against his, doing anything to soothe the ache in between your legs. “Yes, Bucky.” You breathed softly. Bucky pulled his hand away and shook his head. “No, you know what to call me.” Bucky said, kissing your collarbones. You licked your lips, loving how plump and wet his felt against your skin.

“Yes, Daddy.” You corrected yourself, hearing an appreciative groan from Bucky. “Good little girl.” He whispered, both of his hands moving to lift your tank top off of you. The cool air in the room made your nipples harden immediately and Bucky hummed before grasping your breasts in his hands. “You’re so beautiful.” Bucky whispered, leaning down to twirl his tongue around one of your nipples.

Your hand flew to his hair, tangling your fingers in it. “Daddy, please.” You whimpered, tugging on his hair. Bucky smirked and moved to your other breast, giving it the same attention. Your panties became wetter the more Bucky used his tongue on you, and you wanted so desperately to feel it on your pussy.

Bucky kissed his way down your torso, his fingers pulling down your shorts as he got closer to your core. He threw your shorts behind him and pressed his lips against your hip, his fingers softly rubbing down your clothed pussy. Your hips jerked at the contact and Bucky chuckled. “You’re so sensitive, baby.” Bucky said with a smile, his eyes meeting yours.

You blushed and bit your lip as you sat up on your elbows. Bucky kissed along your thighs as he pulled your panties down and off of you. He kissed his way back up and his eyebrows creased as he moaned at the sight of you. “This is the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen. Oh, Doll.” Bucky said as his fingers dug into your thighs.

He spread your legs further apart and your heart started to race again. Bucky leaned in and stuck his tongue out, licking along your pussy lips. You gasped and watched him closely. Applying more pressure, he teased your clit with the tip of his tongue. “Daddyyy.” You whined, lifting your hips up.

Bucky held your hips down with his metal arm and you huffed. “Be a good little girl.” Bucky scolded you, his eyes meeting yours. You nodded and watched as he leaned back down, licking from your entrance to your clit, circling his tongue around it. “Oh, fuck!” You squealed, falling down onto your back.

Your thighs threatened to close shut around Bucky’s head, only to be stopped by him. He sucked your clit into his mouth, the obscene noises only driving you crazier. Bucky’s tongue was so thick and long, and you could feel his smirk against you as he toyed with your pussy while you turned into a moaning mess beneath him.

You gasped as you felt one of Bucky’s fingers gently slide into you, curling against your g-spot. Your hands found their way into his hair once again, tugging as hard as you could. 

He growled, sending the vibrations right through you. Bucky pulled away and kissed your inner thigh, inserting another finger. “Cum, little girl. Cum for Daddy.” Bucky growled, pumping his fingers in and out of you faster, the wet noises filling the room.

Bucky leaned back down to capture your clit in his mouth and you felt your pussy clench around his long fingers. “Daddy, I’m gonna cum!” You screamed, arching your back and grinding your hips against Bucky’s face. His other hand reached up to grasp your breast and your legs shut around Bucky’s head as you started to cum.

You could hear and feel him moaning against you, his fingers and mouth not faltering in their movements. He rode out your orgasm and you tried to move away, but Bucky held you down even harder than before. 

Your breathing was heavy as you watched him continue making out with your pussy. His hair framed his face and his cheekbones were much more prominent as he sucked all around your pussy, his tongue delving in your lips. The sight of him looking up at you was all too much and you felt another orgasm fast approaching.

As you came down, Bucky stripped himself of his clothes. You smiled as he hovered above you and he pressed his lips to yours again. You looked in between your bodies and saw Bucky’s cock leaking pre-cum, the tip a bright red from him being so hard. It was thick and a tad longer than you would’ve imagined.

Bucky could sense your nervousness and he rubbed your cheek with the pad of his thumb. You looked up at him and blushed. “We don’t have to.” Bucky said softly. You quickly shook your head. “Please, I want to…Daddy.” You whispered the last part and that was it for Bucky. He grabbed your legs and wrapped them around his waist, gently sliding into you.

You whimpered at the feeling of being stretched so much and Bucky was clearly trying his best to hold back until you adjusted to his size. Your legs tightened around Bucky’s waist and he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. “Fuck, you’re so tight. Aren’t you, little girl?” Bucky cooed, resting his forehead against yours.

A moan fell from your lips as Bucky finally slid all the way in. Bucky’s head fell into the crook of your neck and you urged him to start moving. He pulled his hips back slowly and you bit your lip, the feeling of him sliding in and out of you clouding your mind. “You can go faster.” You breathed, digging your nails into Bucky’s back.

He groaned and started to pick up speed, reaching even deeper as he slid back inside of you. “Such a good little girl.” Bucky choked out, his lips pressing kisses all along your chest. You cried out, feeling his tip brush against your g-spot. “Oh, Daddy! Right there!” You gasped, wanting him to hit it again.

Bucky growled, looking down at you. You watched his face as he slid out and slammed back inside of you, your breath catching in your throat as you watched his face contort with pleasure. 

Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as he started to pound into you, harder and faster than before. “There?” Bucky asked with a smirk, his hips slamming into yours relentlessly.

You opened your eyes to look at Bucky again and let your eyes fall to his hips. You could see his thick cock glistening with wetness as he entered you and pulled out. 

Bucky moved away from you and sat on his knees, pulling your hips closer to him. His flesh hand rested on your lower belly as he thrust back in. “There I am, fucking shit.” Bucky groaned, his cock reaching so deep.

Bucky hovered above you again and pressed his lips to yours, his tongue licking your bottom lip. You moaned and let his tongue play with yours. You felt the familiar tingle of an orgasm approaching soon after. “Daddy, I’m close!” You squealed as Bucky kept fucking you, the headboard slamming against the wall. “Does Daddy’s little girl want to cum?“ Bucky rasped, his hands gripping the pillow beside your head.

You moaned even louder, tugging on Bucky’s hair tightly. “Oh, yes please!” You screamed, your pussy clenching around his cock again. “Look at me when you cum, Y/N.” Bucky moaned, his metal hand wrapping around your throat. He added a little pressure and that’s all it took for you to come undone beneath him.

Moans and squeals fell from your lips as your eyes struggled to focus on Bucky’s. “Oh, Daddy yes!” You moaned, gripping onto his arm. You could feel hot spurts of his cum shooting inside of you, coating your fucked walls. “Fuuuck!” Bucky growled, his thrusts deep and hard as he rode out his orgasm.

Your legs trembled around his waist and your pussy was so full, you could feel your mixed cum running down onto the bed beneath you. Bucky pulled out of you slowly and collapsed beside you, a chuckle leaving his lips. “Such a good little girl.” Bucky mumbled as he wrapped his arm over your waist.

You blushed again and turned to look at Bucky with a smile. “Yeah?” You asked shyly, biting your lip. Bucky nodded and kissed your cheek. “Mm, so good. Let me clean you up, okay?” Bucky said before leaving the bed and disappearing into his bathroom.

After Bucky cleaned you both up and changed his sheets, he gave you his shirt to put on while slipping on a clean pair of boxers. You yawned and got underneath his blankets, watching Bucky join you shortly after. He pulled you into his warm chest and you pressed a kiss to his neck. 

“Bucky?” You whispered after a few moments of silence. He looked down at you, his thumb tracing circles on your waist. “Yes, Y/N?” He asked, kissing your forehead. 

“So, I’m not too young for you?” You asked, nervously looking up at him. Bucky smiled and pulled you closer, draping your leg over his waist. “Definitely not. It’s a turn on for me, but I do like you a lot, Y/N.” Bucky said softly, his eyes on yours.

You smiled widely and leaned in to kiss him, your hand moving to rest in his hair. You could feel his cock twitch against your thigh and you giggled. “No way. Not yet.” You said, watching Bucky blush. “I know, I’m sorry.” He chuckled, pulling you in for another kiss.

Note: I seriously hope this doesn’t disappoint :( .c

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It was a joke, baby. I swear

Request: 41,46,or 63. Whichever you’re more comfortable with :))

Could you do #46 with Peter Parker? ps all ur writing is bomb af

Summary: Peter pulls a prank on you and you threaten to kick his ass.

A/N: SO I COMBINED #41 AND #46 OFF THE DRABBLE CHALLENGE. HOPEFULLY IT TURNS OUT GOOD.

Part 2

Originally posted by jessikaort


You gasp at the sight in front of you. Looking back at you through your mirror was yourself, but not exactly. You had just gotten out of the shower, and once you walked by the mirror, something a little blue had caught your eye. You went into the shower with y/h/c hair, and now you’ve come out with royal blue hair. You took deep breathes as you lifted some parts of hair from your scalp to see that all of it really was blue. Some strands were a more faint blue than others. 

Meanwhile, Peter was sitting on your living room couch, giddy with anticipation. You didn’t know it yet, but he was the one who had put the blue dye in your shampoo. It was semi-permanent, he figured it’d be a funny little prank. He impatiently waited to hear something from you, knowing your reaction wouldn’t be subtle. He had heard the shower turn off, “Hows it going in there y/n?” Peter called to you.

It all clicked to you now. Peter was the one who had ruined your hair. Of course it was him. Blue hair to match his red and blue suit. “Peter Parker, I’m gonna kill you!” you screeched as you bolted into your room throwing on two pieces of clothing that were the first items you saw, a pair of underwear and Peters hoodie that you “borrowed”. With your wet blue hair, you marched out to the living room where Peter was laying, laughing uncontrollably. His eyes ran up and down your body and rested on your hair, “Well you look, amazing,” he told you, attempting to stop his snickering. 

“You think this is funny, Parker?” You grumbled, breathing heavily. 

“No, no not at all, I’m sorry. I think it’s hilarious,” He knew you meant war when you said his last name, but he couldn’t help but give himself a small pat on the back at his clever prank.

You groaned at his comment and began to advance towards him. Peter was taking no chances, knowing you were currently wild. So he flexed his arm out, and from his wrist shot out a web that pinned your fist to the bookshelf behind you. Looking at your hand that was covered in a sticky substance, your jaw dropped and features turned to a bewildered look. Oh he did not. You yanked and pulled at your hand, but it wasn’t escaping anytime soon.

“Look just calm down,” he tried to reason, with a wide smile on his face, “wait, is that my sweater?” he asked you in a higher, curious tone of voice. He cocked an eyebrow, as he studied the article of clothing. But because he was a teenage boy, his eyes became glued to your naked legs. He was quite enjoying your outfit, 

“Don’t try to change the subject Peter. What did you do to my hair?” you demanded, ignoring his burning gaze,

It was just a joke, baby. I swear.” He said, taking slow steps towards you,

 “You think it’s funny that I get to match your stupid onesie now?!”

“Ugh, it’s not a onesie,” he whined, squeezing the bridge of his nose between his thumb and pointer finger, “babe, I’m sorry-”

Sorry isn’t going to help when I kick your ass!” you interrupted him, yanking at your hand once again. 

“I’m not letting you out of that till you calm down y/n,” Peter told you, gazing down to webbing. 

“I’m not going to calm down, my hair is blue!”

He sighed, and tilted his head to the side. He began walking towards you again. Once he was within arms reach of you, you brought up the hand that wasn’t pinned down, and swung it at Peters chest. He caught it before it could hit him, and he pressed his body against yours. Trapping you completely, in the corner between the wall and the bookshelf. You tried taking back the hand that he had a hold of, but he held it tightly and closely to his chest. You grabbed a fist full of his grey shirt, and attempted to push him away, but he wasn’t budging. 

Peter lowered his forehead to yours, knowing your wild mood was slowly fading. He knew what he was doing, and he knew the effect he had on your body. “Stop it. I’m mad at you,” you spoke to him sternly, determined to keep your fuming attitude, to prove a point to him. “No, you’re not,” he persuaded you with a smile.

“Yes, I am. Look at my hair!” You argued not looking him in the eye. Again you tried shoving him away, but it was hardly worth trying, without control over either of your arms.

“There’s nothing wrong with your hair. It’s perfect,” he whispered to you. You stopped struggling against him, and decided your best bet now was to give him the silent treatment. Moving your head to the side, you didn’t give him any attention and took your forehead away from his. Shortly after, you felt a pair of soft lips press themselves to your temple. You closed your eyes at excitement of butterflies attacking your stomach. Peters lips pecked a trail of kisses down the side of your face, “I’m sorry,” he muttered in between every one of them. Leisurely, he brought them down to your exposed neck. Sticking to your plan of the silent treatment, you didn’t protest. 

“Please-forgiveme-I’msorry,” he repeated every time his lips left your neck and reconnected them. 

“I hate you,” you whispered, just barely audible for him. Peter smiled against your neck and placed his forehead back against yours, “What was that?” he asked teasingly with a grin. You tried so hard to keep a smile from taking over your lips, but you failed trying, “I hate you,” you said louder to him.

He shook his head with a smile, “No you don’t,” he declared with a laugh. You just nodded your head in response, letting out a laugh also.

“Nice sweater by the way,” he said to you, “mind telling me where you got it?”

remus lupin head canons

Depressed and sarcastic little shit

He’s queer and he’s here (or more specifically bisexual)

Doesn’t make a big deal about being sick or hurt because he truly thinks that its not

Except for stubbing his toe

He’s swears like a bloody sailer

“Stubs toe””Curses to heaven and beyond””closes eyes, takes a deep breath” I’m fine

Is an amazing student but his process on being one is a mess

Will go from studying until he hasn’t slept or eaten for days, to where he can’t even remember how to study and James freaking Potter has to force him

Procrastinates so hard but still gets perfect grades? wtf

Can grow facial hair easily, Sirius is jealous

Stands at the sides during parties because they make him uncomfortable

Only dances if James, Sirius, or lily force him to

Once on the dance floor he starts to loosen up, but the second any of them leave him he is sitting right back down

He’s either dead asleep or up until 4 in the morning there is no in-between

Does everything for pranks expect execute them because if James and Sirius get caught there is no way to tie it back to him

His side of the room makes no sense

Some parts will be tidy but others are a complete mess

Like his side table and trunk look perfect, but his desk and bed look like a tornado floor through their dorm

Messy messy hair

Loves to read. boy has a new book everyday

Always complains about the weather

Snowing? Remus is grumbling under his breath while wearing three coats

Hot out? Remus is acting like a 70 year old man and not a 17 year old kid

Talk shit about his friends and you will end up in a jinx so bad you’re in the infirmary for days

A lot of people think he’s shy but he’s really not

Just very indifferent towards people, and really good at keeping his constant panic in his head

Always looks like the undead, no matter how many hours of sleep he gets

Forgets to eat because when he was younger anytime the full moon would draw near he’d be too anxious to eat anything

Was reluctant to become friends with James and Sirius at first

Wanted to keep a low profile and he knew these two loud ass boys were not gonna help

But then he over heard them talking about a prank and chipped in some advice after hearing their rubbish planning 

They wouldn’t let him go after that

Doesn’t talk in class 

It takes too much effort to not get caught and its not worth a detention

Will throw the other Marauders under the bus if its to get out of detention

Doesn’t understand or care for Quidditch

Breaks James poor heart

Told James and Sirius that calling themselves The Marauders was very cliche and ridiculous but went along with it anyway

Denies that he’s a meddler but he really is

The worst out of the bunch (next to Marlene of course)

He’s just way to smart and observant, so he likes to take control of situations so they will move along faster

James thinks most of the plans to get him with Lily were devised by Sirius, but no that was all Remus

His comebacks will kill you

Cracks Sirius up all the time

Talks/mumbles to himself

Gets migraines easily

Got a nose piercing in seventh year and Sirius almost bust a nut

His accents a mix of English and something else but no ones knows and remus feigns ignorance

It makes Sirius want to pull out his hair

Believes he’s a monster

Anytime he’s told otherwise he’ll roll his eyes and sarcastically say “suuuure”

Frustrates Sirius

Makes James unbelievably sad

Lily is a mix of both

And thats all the head canons i have for now!

The Case of the Bed Stranger

Stiles/Derek, T, 1.5K words, College AU

Written for the following prompt: The house party me and my friends threw kinda escalated and after throwing out everyone I found this half naked person passed out in my bed but I can’t be bothered to wake them up now so I’m just gonna go to sleep and deal with it in the morning, they are kind of cute anyway AU


“Erica,” Derek says calmly—very calmly, he thinks, considering the situation. It’s two in the morning, he just trudged back from the library with a pounding headache behind his eyes, and he comes home to find their apartment the site of a raging house party, with drunk undergrads everywhere.

“Hey, Der,” she says, with that wide grin that only comes out when she’s had one drink too many.

“You didn’t tell me you were throwing a party,” he says, his jaw clenched, and she scoffs.

“This? This isn’t a party. This is a, uh, just a little get-together.”

Derek rolls his eyes. “It’s finals, for fuck’s sake. I’m going to bed, at least turn the fucking music down.”

He pushes through the crowd—accidentally hitting some of them with his backpack, oops—and finally seeks refuge in his room. The noise is dulled, blessedly, when he shuts the door behind him, and he exhales, letting his eyes fall shut. His momentary calm evaporates, however, when he opens eyes and notices the very important fact that someone is currently asleep in his bed, sprawled out on his stomach like he owns the place.

All Derek can see is broad bare shoulders, messy brown hair, and half of a mole-dotted face, pressed into the pillow and currently slack with sleep. Huh.

Derek sighs. He’s fucking exhausted, he doesn’t want to deal with babysitting some drunk kid right now, and he really doesn’t want him to wake up and then throw up in Derek’s bed or something.

Plus, the traitorous little voice in his head says, he’s really cute.

Derek shakes his head, irritated, as he drops his backpack on his desk chair. He strips down to his boxers and skips brushing his teeth—he’ll do it twice in the morning, and people are probably fucking the bathroom anyway, Jesus Christ.

Derek pulls back the comforter and gently slides into the bed, trying not to disrupt the mattress before he realizes that he’s being ridiculous. Why is he even considering a stranger’s comfort? It all seems for naught, anyway, because this kid apparently sleeps like the dead.

He takes a quick peek under the blankets, and at least the guy’s still wearing briefs, thank god. Derek doesn’t want to have to worry about accidentally sexually assaulting someone in his sleep.

He flops over onto his other side—thanks to the king size bed, his only grad school indulgence, there’s plenty of room—and closes his eyes. He’ll deal with this shit in the morning.

Keep reading

Shapely🍑

Summary: Bucky and Steve will never let you know that they’re the heads of your booty’s fanclub.

Authors note: It was so hard to find old timey slang for butt. Like we have so many words now I was surprised lmao.

Warnings: None, Bucky and Steve appreciating that cake


  Your jeans only make it halfway up your thighs before they refuse to budge. You groan.

‘And this was my favorite pair too’

You sigh, before peeling off the jeans and rooting around in your dresser for something that you can wear. You never were the skinniest person, especially when it came to your hips and thighs. But then again you never were exactly bootylicious either. So when you became a SHEILD agent you thought your body would kinda slim down into a  svelte mass of lean, toned muscle like the other female agents.

 Boy were you wrong. 

You gained muscle, and a lot of it too. Every single inch of you had at least some definition and your thighs had bulked up considerably. As for your butt….You sneak a peek at it in the mirror ‘I swear it gets bigger every day’ . Since you had joined the Avengers last year and your training had gotten even more intense you swear your booty had doubled in size. Your body was very… in your face nowadays. Wanda kindly described you as ‘shapely’. You pull out a pair of denim shorts that have some slight stretch to them.

You look at yourself in the mirror sighing. ‘ If I get anymore shapely I’m gonna have to buy an entire new wardrobe.’ 


“Pal, why is ya oatmeal always so…” Steve makes a face “…Soggy?”

Bucky and Steve are sitting eating breakfast, at a table that’s situated slightly back and across from the kitchen, next to an open door. Bucky snorts.

“It’s oatmeal Steve, it’s supposed to be soggy.” Steve rolls his eyes but takes another bite of his oatmeal, making a mental note to make breakfast himself the next morning.

Bucky lets out a soft, low whistle. Steve turns his his head, slowly. He knows what that whistle means. He watches as you enter from the other side of the room, cross the kitchen and start rifling in the cabinets. Or rather he watches your ass cross the kitchen and start rifling in the cupboards. You Steve, and Bucky were pretty good friends. You had surprisingly befriended Bucky first, and then Steve. Bucky had been making a good recovery, but was still kind of shy, except around Steve and Sam, and then you. Your sense of humor and openness kind of disarmed him. The three of you would always hang out, watch movies, and talk about anything and everything. But the one thing that Bucky and Steve would never mention is that they both agreed that you by far had the best body they had ever seen. And they were low-key its fan club. The super soldier’s eyes track you as you gather your cup of tea and cheese danish in one hand and exit the room.

“Now ain’t that a beautiful sight to see in the morning?” Bucky says, smirking and sipping his coffee. 

“Yes,” Steve smirks back “As I always say,the lady is truly blessed.”

“Amen.” Bucky says raising his coffee mug. “I mean have you ever seen such beautiful gams on a dame?”

“No,”  Steve pushes back his bowl of soggy oatmeal and crosses his arms over his chest. A devious grin forms on his face. “But that’s not the only thing that’s beautiful.”

Bucky’s grin widens to epic shit eating proportions. “True, Y/N’s a bit broad in the beam, ain’t she?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 Your voice coming from behind them nearly stops both super soldier’s hearts. They turn, mouths slack, to find you standing in the doorway behind their table, tea and cheese danish in one hand, the other perched on your hip.

“Ah-um-I-um” Steve splutters, unable to form words. Bucky, on the other hand, decides distraction is the best course of action.

“Y/N! Sugar, sweetheart, you look lovely today. How’s that cheese danish? I heard the weather’s going to be nice , maybe we should go to the park?” He exclaims, red slowly creeping up his neck until his whole face is scarlet. You silently look from Steve to Bucky. ‘Well if they’re not gonna spill, Google will’

You pull out your phone and look at it. “Well looks like I have somewhere to be so I’ll see you boys later.”

You turn, hearing twin goodbye’s being called out after you, with at least one voice cracking in the middle.


You retreat back your room and fire up your laptop. Bucky and Steve were always using obscure old timey slang that no one understood. ‘they better haven’t been throwing shade…’ you shake your head. It seemed like they were talking about something physical about you, and not in a bad way. You feel warm and kind of insecure at the same time. You couldn’t deny that the two super soldiers were very attractive.

You open google and type “gams meaning” into the search engine.


gam

/ɡam/

noun,informal

plural noun: gams

  1. a leg, especially in reference to the shapeliness of a woman’s leg.

A giggle escapes your mouth. ‘oh my’ you think.

You type the next phrase into Google, and click on the phrase dictionary that comes up.


Broad in the beam

Meaning:

Having wide hips or buttocks


You stare at the screen for a moment and then  recall the overheard conversation. Your mouth falls open as you choke out a laugh ‘Oh my god’


Later that day you find Bucky,Steve and Sam sitting outside. You join them, and they all greet you, but you notice Bucky isn’t looking you in the eye and Steve’s ears are pink. Sam doesn’t seem to notice the tension and dives into a story about sweeping a girl off her feet in the local coffee shop.

“…then she gave me her number.”

“That’s great!” Steve says “You gonna take her out soon?”

“Yeah this weekend”

“That is great,” Bucky smiles “What does she look like?” he asks curiously.

“Man she had the cutest laugh, and those dimples…” Sam pauses, smiling to himself. “She had short dark hair, and was so curvy…..like damn.” Everyone chuckles a bit at this, and after the chuckles stop you pipe up.

“Curvy? Sam get with the times, you don’t call women curvy anymore, its called being broad in the beam.” You say and smirk at the two super soldiers. They promptly turn bright red, Bucky choking a little bit. Sam whips his head back and forth between the three of you.

“Am I missing something?” he asks.

 Steve clears his throat, holding out his hands imploringly.

“Y/n, sugar, listen. I can explain”


tags: @stephie-senpai @chamongangae

@iamwarrenspeace
The Last Word

I was rewatching that episode of Community where Abed and Troy kept hitting each other with pillows because they didn’t want their friendship to be over, and I just kind of liked the idea of an argument stretching out ridiculously long just because 2 people don’t want to stop talking ^^

college AU.

read it here on AO3!

“Dean, this is Cas - Cas, Dean,” Jo said, calling over the thudding music in the bar where they were standing, propping up the bar. She had a hand on Dean’s shoulder, and she gave him a little shake. “I’ve been meaning to introduce you guys since forever. I just know you’re gonna get on great. Cas, Dean likes philosophy, and psychology - that kind of thing!”

“I’m, uh - an armchair philosopher at best,” Dean said, throwing Jo a look that said, as clearly as he could without words, don’t play me up too much. Cas, the guy standing in front of him, was quite clearly out of Dean’s league - tall, lean, with the looks of an Athenian hero and the expression of a Roman statue, chiselled and unsmiling. Dean took a hefty swig of his drink, and smiled charmingly.

Well, he thought, you never know until you’ve tried.

“So, are you a Freud or a Jung kind of guy?” he said. Jo clapped his shoulder and moved off, evidently satisfied with the opener and feeling as though her introductory duties were complete. Dean watched after her for a second as she went, taking her social skills with her.

It wasn’t that Dean was bad in social situations - it was only that when there was just him and an undeniably cute guy, things tended to get a little… flustered. Jo, on the other hand, was perfectly at ease, and good at smoothing over the stupid things his runaway mouth tended to say -

“You can go and talk to her instead,” said Cas, and Dean started and looked back at him guiltily. Cas’ expression was unreadable, watching him watch after Jo. “Please, feel no obligation to enjoy my company.”

Dean blinked. Cas raised his eyebrows.

“I’m, uh, I’m - uh,” Dean said, wrongfooted. “I was just -”

“And I think - Jung,” Cas said, cutting through his fumbling. “Freud’s theories are too rooted in misogyny and phobia to be of any interest beyond the influential and contextual, for me.”

Dean swallowed.

This is going great, said a little voice in his head.

Keep reading

So, basically...

Things I liked about the finale:

- Seeing everyone who’d passed away

- Defan 

- Bonnie kicking ass

Things I didn’t like about the finale:

- Stefan dying

- Katherine’s weak ass comeback (she just got stabbed and thrown around, how exciting)

- Stefan dying

- Why the fuck was Vicki in hell?

- SteFaN dYinG

- How the fuck did Bonnie wake up Elena? Also she sort of had Enzo in the end but not really??? Also how did Enzo wake Bonnie up just by touching her I’m??? YOU GUYS I GET THE FEELING BONNIE BROUGHT KAI BACK TO SAVE ELENA IN RETURN FOR HIS FREEDOM WHICH WOULD HAVE MADE SENSE CONSIDERING HE WANTED TO GET HIS ASS OUT OF MYSTIC FALLS AND HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD LIFT THE SPELL. but no. plot holes! :D

- Stefan. Dying.

- THAT WIG LOOKS AWFUL ! ! !

- Stefan always sacrificing it all for everyone and being so loyal and brave and kind and then DYING

- I miss Kai. Why did everyone love the siphon twins but not him.

- Why is Stefan dead

- Why didn’t they just stab Katherine and throw her in the tunnel, or tie her to a chair in the tunnel it makes NO SENSE that anyone had to die

- Did I mention Stefan’s death?

- I was expecting more out of the Delena scenes to be honest

- S T E F A N 

- How did Katherine’s hair magically curl itself between shots?

- he deserved better : ))

- Tyler’s character was tossed off the show like he meant nothing and I’m still mad

- Honestly who cares about Matt’s family

- Didn’t they say we were gonna have a two hour finale? IT FELT SO RUSHED.

- Caroline is the only vampire left which is so weird and I don’t like it

- Alaric deserved better, him and Jo were so beautiful together

- Do you think I’ve forgotten about Stefan bc I haven’t

Talks Machina Highlights: Episode 97
  • Paper pre-stream reads “Easter Egg: Brian Wayne Foster’s home address is inscribed on the set somewhere.”
  • Brian reveals that he’s wearing the shirt with the cross-eyed picture of him that Sam was wearing in the last episode.
  • There is a betta fish on set, and as soon as they zoom in on it, Marisha’s name-card pops up. Brian: “This is a betta fish. The alpha fish we keep behind a paywall.”
  • Keyleth now holds the record for most damage dealt in a single turn (690) and the most damage taken in a single blow (363).
  • Matt kinda hoped that Vex would revive Keyleth and just be like “tell no one this happened.” Everyone adored everything about that moment.
  • Asked about their characters basically becoming demi-gods at this point, Taliesin: “I’m feeling smug about it.” Sam points out that most of VM isn’t particularly mature, so it’s a little worrying that they’re gaining this much power. Matt; “Eh, fortune favors the bold. It’s fine.”
  • Matt hasn’t had a campaign get to the upper levels like this before, so he’s really excited to try some new things in the coming arc. Taliesin has never played at such high levels before, or even heard of someone playing at such high levels.
  • Taliesin figures the most Percy way for Percy to die would be to go into a bar, attempt to threaten everyone, and have everyone turn on him. Sam on the most Taryon way for Taryon to die: pre-Vox Machina, he would go off on a paid hunt and he’d somehow still lose.
  • Brief digression about how to play out death by autoerotic asphyxiation in D&D. As you do.
  • Matt definitely shied away from having players “roll for baby” over the break, since he thought that definitely wasn’t a fair thing to throw at a player based on a dice roll. (“…unless you’re Scanlan”) Matt also mentions that Vax and Keyleth have had conversations about how they’re "probably for the most part an asexual relationship.”
  • Taliesin expands a bit on the fancy ball at Whitestone: “It’s basically a Medieval Times version of Santa’s Village.” Brian: “What would Percy wear to that?” Taliesin: “Cowboy boots and a smile.”
  • Taliesin mentions that Percy and Cassandra are starting to be a little sillier around each other now, trying to remind themselves that it’s all over. The thing they have most in common that VM doesn’t share is being the product of a legacy and learning to find their own way within that legacy. 
  • Taliesin has already started a playlist for his character in the next campaign.
  • Matt is gonna start everyone in the next campaign halfway through level 2 so they get to play with their characters a bit before deciding which archetype to go for.
  • Sam has a brief rant about how many planes there are in D&D. “Let’s streamline. Let’s streamline.” Matt: “Sam, I am so excited for the RPG you’re releasing next year.” Sam: “The Three Places.”
  • Matt wasn’t expecting the Shadowfell reveal to come so soon. There was gonna be another reveal down the road that might still play out in the game. Elements of the story may have been accelerated as a result of that bit of player ingenuity.
  • Taliesin’s character was eaten and there was a near-TPK in the Shadowfell the last time a campaign he played in went there. (He and the other dead players had to go back in playing as the mercenaries sent to retrieve their bodies.)
  • Keyleth’s natural 20 when touching the orb back in episode 34 was sort of an example of failure by success, in that it delayed the Shadowfell reveal considerably. At that time, though, she could’ve died from the damage it dealt, or gone unconscious and bled out on the other side. If she had made it through, she wouldn’t have had Plane Shift and would’ve had to find a way back, which would’ve started the Shadowfell stuff early. So they would’ve had to work out their priorities given that the Chroma Conclave attacked shortly thereafter.
  • Matt thought of the scry (reverse-whisper) as a successful test run for maybe pulling out most of the party and isolating players again in the future.
  • Sam talks a bit about how Matt takes the “cartoonish backstories” they make up and turns them into a coherent narrative.
  • They were at Matt’s house digging through his minis trying to figure out where the story was gonna go next. (Brian calls out Matt’s impressive mini-painting skills.)
  • The silencer is a ten-foot bubble of Silence spell that follows Percy around: downside is he can’t hear or say anything while he’s taking those shots. Taliesin is very excited for those potential downsides.
  • Sam had no warning about the kidnapping; he found out when the rest of us did. When she handed Taryon a cream puff, Matt secretly rolled a constitution saving throw for him—it was essentially a delayed Sleep spell.
  • Percy’s chilled out a bit over his anger at Scanlan during the past year.
  • Tary’s started to learn his limitations over the past year—he’s aware of how strong he can be as part of a team, but hasn’t really ventured out on his own yet and is worried about how much of a crutch the money has been for him.

Talks Machine in the Dark:

  • Matt talks about some of the weird and wacky dragons out there in the expanded D&D literature. Sam: “By the way, in my RPG, there’s only one kind of dragon.” Matt really enjoys creating new creatures, so he’s been veering away from the books a little more often.
  • Someone suggests that Tary could multiclass into bard. Sam hadn’t thought about that. Matt points out that Doty’s the one writing the book, so maybe Doty should become a bard. Sam: “Can Doty be a bard?” Matt: “No.”
  • If Percy had the power, would he bring back his dead family? If he thought the consequences would be minimal, sure, but he also has a respect for death. Every time they’ve managed to bring someone back, it was the D&D equivalent of a crash cart, within 24 hours. Percy doesn’t even know where his family’s bodies are. Matt, grinning: “I do.”
  • Matt points out that this is part of why Keyleth is so frightened of higher-level resurrection spells: how do you choose who you can bring back? What gives you that right? What are the moral implications? He also brings back Kerrek’s probing questions about resurrection. Taliesin sums it up beautifully: “It’s dark and twisted and strange once you start pulling it apart.”
  • The hardest character death for Matt was Pike’s death back in the home game—it was the first time for a lot of the players to realize that they’d spent a year and a half with this character and she could still be gone like that. Apparently Ashley came home at 3AM distraught and tried explaining the whole thing to Brian, who knew nothing about D&D at the time and was a little confused. “…you died? At Travis and Laura’s?”
  • Doty can speak primarily because it’s funny, and also because Sam wanted to give Matt something more to do when he plays Doty. There was a lot of discussion over which word it would be. Sam: “It could’ve been Hodor.”
  • Someone asked whether another Battle Royale will come up, and Matt thinks probably before too long, next time they have players away or just need a week off.
Hey Jude

A/N: This is my really late submission for @percussiongirl2017 ‘s birthday challenge! Hopefully it was worth the wait. I had the prompt, “You can’t tell me how to live my life. You’re not my mother.” & my song is “Hey Jude” – The Beatles. The pairing is Dean x Sister!Reader however there is some Sam in there as well. The reader is the oldest sibling.

Dean x Sister!Reader   Sam x Sister!Reader

“Take care of Sam and Dean.”

That was your motto. You were eight years old when your mother died in the fire that turned your life upside down. You could remember the heat, the fear you felt, and how you had never gripped Dean’s hand or held onto Sammy so tightly then you did that night when you brought them out of the burning house.

Ever since then your father gave you one task, to take care of Sam and Dean. It wasn’t something that was foreign to you; it was something that you had loved helping your mother do. She had always lovingly referred to you as the mini mama because you enjoyed it so much.

So that’s what you did.

Keep reading

7 Minutes || Jughead Jones

Originally posted by juptern

word count : 1,225

pairing : Jughead Jones x Reader

warnings : make-outs, cursing, hating each other.

summary : You are friend with Betty and Veronica and they invited you to this party so of course you say yes. you didn’t know you’d end up playing seven minutes in heaven and be stuck in there with someone you hate; Jughead Jones.


     Betty and you had been best friends since you were babies. You were lucky enough to occupy the house right next to hers so you spent countless hours with each other growing up. When Veronica came to Riverdale, the two of you welcomed her with open arms. Of course when Veronica and Betty were fighting you took a neutral stance, or as neutral as you possibly could. You were happy to know when they made up, at least for the most part. Veronica was even throwing some party to finalize it; which is a bit weird but you were just going with it; who could say no to a good party?

Keep reading

Angel in the Darkness (M) pt.3

Originally posted by aestheticvbts

Summary: After a patient urgently pleads you to go and help a friend of his, you naively agree to it. Little did you know, that you would get more than what you agreed to, when he leads you to a brothel, to help a dangerous prostitute named Jeon Jungkook.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader (ft. Jin, but not romantically)

Genre: Smut (M), angst, mafia!au, prostitution!au

Word Count: 5,997

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4



I can’t believe I’m doing this again, you think to yourself. You close your eyes, and listen to the engine of the crowded bus, as you were currently on your way to pay mister ‘Kookie’ a visit. You start to slowly replay the scenes of Jin yelling at you, to desperately go back and meet the prostitute…

Keep reading

Okay. I’m just throwing this out there. If that’s Voltron in the middle with all five lions. THEN WHY IS THERE A LION OVER THERE??!!
What if there’s six lions guys??!
And this is just a theory. But maybe…. That’s where Shiro went? Like what if Black knows about the sixth lion (bc let’s be real, if anyone is gonna know about it, it’s gonna be Black) and realised they were gonna need more than just Voltron to beat the Galra. I’ve already seen theories suggesting that maybe Black is able to teleport and sent Shiro somewhere. WHAT IF THAT’S WHERE HE’S GONE???
What if Black sent him to recover the secret lion??!

my recap of 170323 The Wings Tour
  • Got sprayed by the holy water, blessedt by Yoongi and Hoseok themselves
  • In sugAR DADDY ROBES MIGHT I ADD
  • Some girls lightstick bomb top went flying from behind me; thrusting her light stick too hard
  • A girl fainted in the pit RIGHT when they were going on stage
  • Taehyung likes blowing kisses and having us go insane
  • Got noticed by Jimin, Seokjin, Namjoon, and Jungkook plenty, I got a nod and smile from Yoongi.
  • Then I got Hoseok who was just being a fluffy hyper baby the whole time who had 17 cups of coffee
  • I don’t think he noticed me
  • Taehyung was pretty chill, he was exploring everywhere. I think he gave me a wave at some point.
  • B LE S S THEIR ASSES FOR COMING TO MY SIDE
  • The girl next to me was a Jimin stan and went nuts when she saw him do Lie, I’m not kidding, she was full on convulsing and wanting to jump the rail in front of us
  • I collapsed on my friend and the seat every time they played those bOPS
  • EVERYTIME I SAT DOWN BECAUSE MY FEET HURT I’D SAY “OH MAN MY FEET HURT I MIGHT JUST SIT DOWN AND RELAX–”
  • “EVERYBODY J U M P”
  • NEVER M I ND THEY TO L D ME TO J U MP
  • CYPHER 4 WAS SO LOUD AND YOONGI LOOKED LIKE A DAMN VAMPIRE AGAIN
  • A girl was screaming JHOOOOOOOOPE every 2 seconds without rest. I aim to be that fucking girl. Bless you.
  • When everybody was not putting up banners at the according songs and it was confusing af since we had like 2 to 3 projects going on lmao so I didn’t get to use them that much
  • YET TAEHYUNG MANAGED TO GET ONE AND SHOW IT OFF AND I WAS EXTREMELY HAPPY HE GOT IT ON THE STAGE
  • Seokjin got hit with a cap and just stared at it on the floor like “excuse you hoe I’m tryna talk tf?”
  • Someone was legit chucking plushies up there and Hoseok grabbed them all to hug them at once
  • wHAT A CUTIE I'MMA DIE–
  • there was so much shoving and pushing to get through processing oml it was scary seeing everyone rush
  • everyone was loud. just loud. it was perfect
  • I HAVE TO SAY THIS–
  • WE DIDN’T PUT THE BAGS ON OUR LIGHTSTICKS FOR THE RIGHT SONG. IT WAS GONNA BE FOR 2!3! BUT OUTRO: WINGS STARTED AND I WAS SHOOK LIKE WAIT WE WERE EARLY OH W E L L
  • SO WE KEPT THEM ON LOL
  • someone gave Jungkook the American flag after he gestured to it for it to be given to him, and wore it as a cape after displaying it. this is going to be his thing. idc.
  • Jungkook = New Captain America
  • everyone kept throwing plushies at Hoseok and Taehyungs feet like guys they gotta wALK DON’T BUST THEY ANKLES
  • Namjoon smiling really big whenever we’d take over his lines
  • Yoongi doing the “let’s take out my inner ear piece and see all my bitches scream for me” for his introduction
  • fuccboi hoesucc come thru with baepsae and mama
  • jimin’s no hands when he was hip thrusting into the air like he tryna bust a nut on stage… boi
  • s l u t d r o p s
  • high notes into over drive by maknae/vocal line
  • everyone sang awake
  • THEIR EN G L I SH TH O
  • Seokjin and Yoongi made me cry, and the chorus to Spring Day
  • had them back up violinists and shit for some songs, being fancy
  • I WAS QUANTUM NUTTING FOR LOST, HAD TO HOLD THE RAIL BECAUSE THEY CAME OUT CENTER STAGE AND I DIDN’T KNOW HOW CLOSE THEY’D BE LMAO
  • I did a body heart to Namjoon and he had thAT DIMPLE FACE I FELT COMPLETE
  • Jimin teasing tf out of the girls in pit… way too close to the edge… back up bruh, they want to eat you alive, don’t do it
  • me: *watches Taehyung do Stigma*
  • me: “WAIT FOR IT”
  • also me: “hoe don’t do it”
  • me in the end: “omg”
  • he hit the note
  • I have announced my funeral
  • y'all are invited
  • when they were saying goodbye, Hoseok and two other members had us all waving our arms to the ending of Spring Day left to right for a straight minute, we mirrored them exactly the same way
  • I think my friend said Taehyung or Jimin cried
  • I’ll have to see about that later
  • many many hobi stans
  • the look on their faces when we did the rainbow ocean for them
  • seokjin’s sHOULDERS FUCK MY LIFE
  • wanna climb his ass like a tree
  • the way yoongi stomps and raps at the same time had me rolling, he’s an angry smol man tryna prove a point
  • …When someone tells you jimin is 10x more handsome in person, believe them. just do it.
  • I made a mistake of even looking at him
  • I’m swerving
  • they are very real. all seven of them. wow.
  • I was too close for my own good to them
  • I’m not okay
  • but seriously what the fuck
  • why can’t I go back in time to watch Yoongi say “fuck you and you” in a strangled growl on loop, live and in my face? :’)

I wish I could go to Newark Day 2. Please give them so much love. Stay safe. Don’t push. Don’t shove. Don’t throw too many things at them. Just be respectful. They want to have a good time and so do you!

BTS deserves plenty of love from you guys. Have fun!

Make a choice Dean

A/N: Story begins in the middle of a hunt.

Warnings: Angst

Make a choice Dean Masterlist

Dean x Sister!Reader    Sam x Sister!Reader

Originally posted by frozen-delight

Originally posted by sammyseyebrows

You and Sam looked around the hallway you were standing in; there was nothing special about it. Just a hallway of what appeared to be an empty factory. Glancing over at Sam, you nodded at each other, silently communicating that you should move.

The two of you were looking for Dean who had been taken by the djinn who fed off of fear. Sam had killed it a day ago but Dean never woke up, which led to where you are now; walking in Dean’s nightmare, trying to find him so that he could wake himself up.

You had just turned the corner when you heard a voice chuckling from what sounded below you. Sam heard it too because he glanced at you before walking to the railing to view what was going on below you.

Your eyes widened as you took in the scene; the dream’s version of you and Sam were each tied to a chair while Dean stood five feet in front of you. A man, a demon with black eyes showing, stood off to the side a few feet away.

“The hell?” You heard Sam say next to you.

“What is going-” You began but stopped when you heard the demon begin to speak.

“Alright Dean, choose. Do you want to save your brother, the one you raised and spent your entire life looking after.” The demon paused, “Or your little half sister who you didn’t even know about until the apocalypse? Your choice.” He said while handing Dean a gun, “You better choose quickly, otherwise I might just kill them both.”

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hold my beer

Ok so this is yet another idea that I will NEVER have time to write (for those that follow my Cross the River one shots, I’m still sorry for inflicting the half finished fics on you haha. But I’m not sorry for inflicting this idea on you

Three words:

Drunk. Ladynoir. Wedding. wait is ladynoir even technically a word?

  • It’s quite a few years into the future and Adrien and Marinette are happily revealed and happily married. Everything’s just friggin peachy
  • One day there is an akuma, a girl who got dumped by a dickhead bf for another girl and then goes on a rampage to show everyone she is ‘good enough.’ After they defeat her, they try to cheer her up
  • Chat, being Chat, thinks that being a flirt will help boost her self-esteem, bc, you know, getting flirted at by a superhero is an ego boost no matter how sad you are
  • Lo and behold, it backfires
  • The girl (lets call her Ada) gets pissed off that Chat is flirting with her right in front of Lady, because “Aren’t you guys like, together??”
  • Chat backpedals, Lady facepalms. No it’s still not official or public that they’re together (keep work separate from home, yknow what I’m sayin, and besides, it’s unwise to let Hawky know the full extent of how much they care for each other because they don’t want to be emotionally manipulated in battle)
  • The girl is like “shit I thought you guys were like.. the perfect relationship. Obviously not. If even you aren’t together, then where’s the hope for me…. sighh….” :’(
  • Ada is so upset that they decide to let her in on a little secret. That in their civilian lives… they are married
  • Ada is all,  :’D omg seriously
  • (^..^) and >(:-:) are like, yeah, but dont tell anyone. It’s a secret. ((SLAPS YOU WITH HEAVY-HANDED FORESHADOWING)) Hey I know what’ll cheer you up, Ada. Lets go out for drinks!
  • AND SO MY FRIENDS, that is how Adrien and Mari end up spending a night on the town with a recent akuma victim as Chat and Lady…

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Klance stuff part 4 (Red and Blue edition)

(They communicate by feeding ideas into the paladin’s brains so no talking out loud here whatsoever for them lions)

• Sometimes Lance’s homesickness is so strong, Blue gets worried and would relay the feeling to Red and the other lions so they can mind communicate it to the team somewhere in the castle.

• Keith would always be the first to find him.

• Red would always save Keith whenever he’s in trouble or hurting but she also makes him feel guilty about not being careful by making him feel the team’s worry and fear through the lions especialy Lance’s.

• Red and Blue would sometimes talk about the wedding.

• Sometimes Green and Yellow would pitch in. Black wants all of them to have flower crowns on each head. She wants pink, baby blue and purple hues on hers.

• Red: What is a flower girl? we didnt have that on altea. Do we make a famale wear a flower costume?
Blue: Would Dear Pidge be a good flower girl, Green?
Green: I would bet my left arm she would eject herself into space before u could ask.

• When Lance and Keith were still pining, they would either find Blue sitting/cuddling together with red and vice versa and they STILL wouldnt get it.

• Red once got so frustrated that when Lance went to her for secret bonding time, she picked him up and hurled him at Keith. (Keith actually held out his hands to catch him cos he’d be damned if he let Lance get hurt)

• They both stayed hugging on the floor a bit longer than necessary until finally akwardly standing up and dashing to opposite exits with red faces.

• Blue congratulated Red on that move but it still wasnt enough so she went to grumbling in frustration while Blue tries to calm her down.

• Lance once called Keith in for dinner while Keith was doing maintenace checks in Red’s cockpit.

• She trapped them both in there while turning up the heat until Lance couldnt take it anymore and took off his jacket and shirt. Keith fainted. Lance assumed he was overheated and panicked. They got out.

• Blue did the same. Keith’s not good with the cold so Lance had to wrap him up in his jacket to keep him from shivering but ended up shivering as well.

• Until Keith quietly suggested it was ok to share body heat so they awkwardly wrapped each other in their arms until Blue finally gave up after an hour. (She wont risk freezing them to death for this)

• The other lions would feel the frustrations the other paladins feel for these two pining idiots so they sometimes chip in on helping out Red and Blue.

• Green was the one to telepathicaly disable the elevators one time.

• Yellow turned off the antigravity switch in the hangar once and they got to see Lance and Keith desperately holding on to each others hands so the other wont float away until help came.

• They argued who’s fault it was after that thinking that the other’s face was red because they were mad.

• Black can only sympathize with Shiro and shake her head in disappointment in time with him.

• Red really likes Lance, she really does but she’s still a bit bitter about past Lance flirting with every alien girl and making her baby jealous so she’s still a lil shit to him sometimes.

• Keith would sometimes sit in front of Red in the dead of the night worrying she wouldn’t want him to be her paladin someday because of his galra heritage.

• The feeling of a lifetime of loneliness and isolation would shake her so much she would accidentaly send signals of it directly to Lance waking him up and wondering why he’s crying.

• Blue once got angry at an alien trying to take (almost forcing) Lance home with him/her during a celebratory party. She physically intervened by stomping her paw in front of them and growled menacingly.

• Lance got a lil shook too and tried to calm her down after the the alien left running. “C-calm down girl I wasn’t going with them, t-they were telling me where Keith went but I guess they had different plans… thanks for helping me buddy…”

*during parties or supply runs Keith avoids being anywhere near Lance. See why in part 3*

• Blue relayed Lance’s longing feeling to Red back at the castle so she lifts Keith up and throws him out not letting him into the castle.

• With no choice he goes to the party dreading to see what he thinks he’s gonna see (Lance all over an alien girl/guy) only for Lance to find him first. “Dude! Where have you been?! Ive been looking all over for you jesus. The Poltanarks are taking pictures! You gotta be in there cmooon.”

• Keith will never forget how firm Lance’s hold on his wrist was throughout the night like Lance was scared he was gonna disappear again.

• When Lance and Keith finally got together, Blue and Red did a sublte high five. (that night, Red snuck out and scouted the 7 foot alien that was bullying her baby *see part 3*. By morning the alien was groveling for forgiveness at the castle doors.)

part 1

part 2

part 3

I Know Your Wife (She Wouldn’t Mind) - Part Eleven

Summary: Danneel calms you down after your panic about becoming a mother. You, Jared, and Gen explain your relationship to Tom and Shep before you fly out for Asylum.
Words: 5k
Jared x Reader x Gen, Danneel, Tom, Shep, JJ, Arrow, Zep, Jensen
Warnings: uncomfortable conversations, fluff
Beta: @blacksiren

IKYW Masterpost

Your name: submit What is this?

“What if I turn out like my mom?”

Danneel stared at you, unmoving, for what felt like an eternity.

Her expression was unreadable and, in that moment, you wanted to run away.

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