and they were gonna throw it out

MYSTERY STORY TIME

So there was a single, solitary kiwi on our counter in the kitchen.

And I decided to make fun of my roommate for it, because who buys one, single, solitary kiwi? So I asked her that.

Roommate: I didn’t buy a kiwi.

Me: This isn’t your kiwi?

Roommate: No?

Me: But this isn’t my kiwi.

Roommate: That kiwi was there when I got home.

Me: I don’t even eat kiwi!

As you can see, it’s a real kiwi. Here it is, on my counter, giving away nothing.

But I was still confused as to where it came from. Did one of us accidentally buy a kiwi at the store? 

So I looked up the Kiwiny company to figure out which stores it’s sold at, to see which one of us might have bought it, since we tend to use different grocery stores.

Kiwiny doesn’t have American retailers.

There is literally no reason for this kiwi to be in my kitchen.

UPDATE:

lots of people have been asking me if I ever figured out where the kiwi came from. So to provide an update on the magical kiwi … one day I took a nap and had a dream about those creepy spiders that hide in bananas and I thought like oh my god this kiwi is gonna be full of spiders. So I woke up and promptly put the kiwi in a ziploc bag. To contain the dream spiders.

The kiwi sat on the counter for a few days, then got moved to the top of the fridge to get it out of the way. It sat there for a couple weeks. It never appeared to go bad? I did eventually throw it out, just because I was confused about it and neither of us were ever going to eat the kiwi.

Never found out why the kiwi was in my kitchen. I guess we’ll never know.

UPDATE UPDATE:

Kiwiny is following me on twitter now.

So I was listening to the Interdimensional RSS: the Unofficial Rick and Morty podcast earlier today and they had the art director, Bryan Newton on with them, discussing the most recent episode- Morty’s Mind Blowers! 

Newton was talking about the different pitches they were throwing around, and he said this: 

“Here’s another huge one that got wiped out- one of the original endings that they were playing around with…There was gonna be a deep Morty memory from when Morty was a baby, and that memory was gonna be with a young Rick, a young Summer–who would have been about 3 at the time– and a young Beth and Jerry. And it was basically gonna be Rick being there and consoling or talking to baby Morty and like ‘you’re gonna be my little Morty, Morty, you’re gonna be the best Morty ever, we’re gonna go on all types of adventures!’, and then Summer comes in and sees Rick, and Rick takes off through a portal, and then Beth and Jerry come in and are like ‘what’s going on, honey?’ and Summer’s like ‘the weird man showed up again!’…So it was gonna be a big thing where we see them all young and Rick being like the fuckin’ boogyman, keeping tabs on Morty.” 

Of course, this technically isn’t canon because it never made it to the show, but–I found it very interesting and wanted to share it with you guys! 

GAME GRUMPS SENTENCE STARTERS. 

  • ❝ God, what if we just fucked one day? ❞
  • ❝ Don’t sass me in front of the internet. ❞
  • ❝ Follow your stupid fucking dreams. ❞
  • ❝ Come at me scrub lord, I’m ripped. ❞
  • ❝ I just wanna have sex with space. ❞
  • ❝ Get in the tub with me, daddy. ❞
  • ❝ Will you just relax and let me kill for money? ❞
  • ❝ That sounds like your problem. Fuck you. ❞
  • ❝ Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Eat your teeth. ❞ 
  • ❝ Make like a tree and fucking die. ❞
  • ❝ Dude just…just pity laugh at least. ❞
  • ❝ Man, Club Penguin’s gotten weird. ❞
  • ❝ We are like the Stephen Kings of stupid. ❞
  • ❝ Why do you enjoy watching me suffer so? ❞
  • ❝ Do I have to jerk you off to blow your mind? ❞
  • ❝ I haven’t had so much fun since I killed my parents. ❞
  • ❝ Unfortunately I had sex with a guy/girl over the weekend. ❞
  • ❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS.
  • ❝ Revenge is a best dish served fuck you. ❞
  • ❝ Who wears pants anymore? So 2015. ❞
  • ❝ I need an ice cream sandwich and a gentle blowjob. ❞
  • ❝ Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. ❞
  • ❝ The bananas has gone bad! ❞
  • ❝ I cared for those bananas! I raised them with my own two feet! ❞
  • ❝ Did you know I’m a professional joke? My life is a joke. ❞
  • ❝ What if everyone just had constant helicopter dick? ❞
  • ❝ [ name ], does getting me wet fill you with determination? ❞
  • ❝ I can’t prove that someone ISN’T a reptilian. ❞
  • ❝ Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, you lost a family member? ❞
  • ❝ These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed’. ❞ 
  • ❝ Call me One Direction ‘cause my relevancy is dropping by the day. ❞ 
  • ❝ One time I killed a person and I didn’t report it to the police. ❞
  • ❝ I wanna take a girl to the Grand Canyon, fuck her, and throw her in. ❞ 
  • ❝ Nothing like a gunshot wound to the face to really mellow someone out. ❞ 
  • ❝ If I can’t be the best, I sure as hell can be the worst! ❞ 
  • ❝ [ name ], I’m on a date with a guy/girl right now and you’re embarrassing me. ❞
  • ❝ I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna in the kitchen, gonna open the dishwasher, and I’m gonna climb inside. ❞
  • ❝ I do apologize for my actions, even though they were totally and completely justified. ❞
  • ❝ I could pee on this couch, right now, no problem, while looking you directly in the eyes.❞ 
  • ❝ Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’ ❞
  • ❝ All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are blue, except for three of them. And there are four. ❞ 
  • ❝ And Abraham said unto Moses, ‘Bro, dude, aliens.’ ❞
  • ❝ I’m gonna throw you out the window. We don’t even have any windows in this room…I’m gonna carve out a window and throw you through it. ❞ 
  • ❝ DO IT YOU SACK OF SHIT! – Sorry. That didn’t come out as encouraging as I meant it to. ❞
  • ❝ [ name ], if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞
  • ❝ If I took pole-dancing, I would be worried that it would be too erotic for everybody else. ❞
  • ❝ Next time we make love, [ name ], would you please refer to me as your sweet cakey treasure? ❞   
  • ❝ I try to show at least one other human-being my butt hole every single day. ❞
  • ❝ The only people who don’t like sluts are the people who don’t get any. ❞ 
  • ❝ Have you ever though of a career in driving people fucking insane? Because you are already a PRO at it. ❞ 
  • ❝ I am actively looking for ways to get you to shut the fuck up. ❞
  • ❝ First of all, you have to stop calling it ‘Mary Jane.’ That’s the first rule of stonerdom. People will think you’re a fucking narc. ❞
  • ❝ First of all, no one says ‘pot-eyes’, you fuckin’ narc. ❞
  • ❝ If by OK you mean like on the inside I’m just going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ then yes, I’m quite OK ❞
  • ❝ When you walk outside there are three elements of nature that you must avoid: snow, wind, and bees. ❞ 
  • ❝ Could you imagine if you unlocked outfits in real life? Like, “Congratulations you wiped your ass, here’s a new shirt.” ❞
Young

Note: HI HI! YAY I ACTUALLY GOT TO WRITE A REQUEST! (take that, writers block!) phew, this one was…wow. I hope you like it! FEEDBACK IS WELCOME!!!! ♥♥♥ .c

Request: Age gap kink! Where reader is significantly younger than Bucky(still legal obviously) daddy kink, reader gets off on him being older maybe calling reader little girl, if you decide a fem reader, jokingly Idk idk, I love your writing thank you for blessing my eyes with it

Originally posted by seredelgi


Being the youngest Avenger was fun for the most part. You were like the team baby, though you weren’t that young. Everyone just treated you like a little kid, but you didn’t mind. You just hated when they would tease you all the time.

Out of everyone, Bucky was definitely your favorite on the team if you had to choose. You warmed up to him rather quickly and you fell for him overtime. You knew he was much older than you, even if you didn’t really count the years he was frozen and an active assassin for HYDRA. There was no chance you’d ever land someone his age, but that didn’t stop you from daydreaming about him.


Natasha smiled as she walked into the room, her white teeth on display. You were brought out of your thoughts by her voice, the tv show you had playing was now background noise. “Y/N! Do you want to go out for drinks with us?” She asked excitedly, Tony joining her just after she asked.

Before you could answer, Tony shook his head. “No. Definitely not.” He said, making you frown. “But, I-” You started only to be silenced as he held up his hand. “Not old enough.” Tony said firmly, his signature “dad” look on his face. Nat rolled her eyes at the man and crossed her arms.

“That’s not fair! I could at least just go for the music!” You exclaimed, trying to reason with Tony. “Go where for what music?” Steve asked as he walked in the room with Bucky by his side.

“Drinks.” Tony answered with a sigh. “I don’t see the issue with her just going to chill out, Tony.” Nat said as she tried to persuade Tony into letting you go.

“Well, it isn’t really a scene for the young ones, Y/N.” Steve said, siding with Tony. You gasped and creased your eyebrows together. “Seriously!? I’m not that young!“ You shouted, getting rather angry with everyone. “I can kill people, but I can’t go to a club?” You snapped, looking at Tony.

Bucky was silent, not wanting to get on your bad side. “You aren’t going. I’ll have someone stay here with you.” Tony said as he checked his watch. You let out a high pitched squeal. “Now I have to have a baby sitter!?” You gaped at Tony, standing from your spot on the couch. Tony sighed. “Yes.” He simply said before leaving the room.

You groaned and fell back onto the couch, stuffing a pillow over your face. “I tried, Y/N.” Nat said sadly as she walked out. Steve joined her and you thought Bucky had too, until he cleared his throat. “I can stay if you want.” He said, sitting down beside you. You moved the pillow and set it down, looking over at Bucky. “You don’t have to.” You sighed.

He smiled and nudged your shoulder. “I want to. I’m not really into the whole nightclub scene.” Bucky explained, his arms crossing over his chest. Your eyes trailed along his muscles and you bit your lip. Maybe staying in wouldn’t be so bad after all. “Uh, yeah sure. That’d be cool.” You said softly, your mind racing with the thought of being alone with Bucky.


The team had finally left to go party and you were ready to start the movie you picked out for the night. You had quickly threw on a tank top with some yoga shorts, wanting to get more comfortable, while Bucky was in the kitchen getting ready to pop some popcorn.

“Are you almost done?” You asked with a smile. Bucky turned to face you and his eyes landed on your exposed legs. “Y-yeah! Um, do you want butter?” Bucky cleared his throat, averting his eyes away from your body. You smirked and walked over to him. “Do you want it?” You asked softly, crossing your arms.

Bucky raised his eyebrows, his eyes falling to your breasts. “W-what?” He asked, his wide eyes meeting yours. “Butter?” You giggled, tilting your head gently. Bucky gasped, “Oh! I don’t mind.” He said with a chuckle. You blushed a little, moving to get some out of the refrigerator.

After popping the popcorn, drizzling melted butter on it, and settling down on the couch, you started the movie. A few moments in, you reached for the bowl and your hand bumped into Bucky’s. You looked over and he smiled, letting you go first.

A giggle fell from your lips when you watched him get a handful, shoving it in his mouth. “You’re gonna choke.” You said with a smile, watching Bucky shake his head. 

“Nah.” He muffled through his food, only causing another loud giggle to sound through you. Bucky jokingly shushed you and you turned your attention back to the movie. You were stuffing your face with popcorn like Bucky had been doing, only because the scene before you was so thrilling. 

“No, don’t go in there!” You yelled out, sitting up in your seat. Bucky was watching you, but you didn’t notice. He chuckled softly as you gasped. “Don’t! No! He’s-WHY DID YOU GO IN THERE!” You shouted, throwing your hands up in the air.

The male screams coming from the movie only frustrated you more. “Idiot.” You pouted, stuffing more popcorn in your mouth. Bucky laughed harder and you turned to look at him. “Stop laughing, that was so bad.” You sighed with a frown. Bucky shook his head and moved the popcorn bowl from in between the two of you.

He scooted closer to you and smiled at you. Your heart started racing and you gulped nervously. “I’m not laughing at that, I’m laughing at the butter on your face.” Bucky chuckled. 

You gasped and your face turned red. “Oh, sorry.” You whispered, moving your hand to wipe it away. Before you could, Bucky’s right hand moved up to wipe it off with his thumb. Your breath hitched in your throat and he was about to pull his hand away, but you softly gripped his wrist. He stopped moving and watched you closely.

Keeping his hand in place, you leaned forward slowly, keeping your eyes on Bucky’s while his remained focused on your mouth. Your lips rubbed against his thumb and you opened your mouth, taking it in and sucking off the butter.

A gasp fell from Bucky’s lips as he watched you suck his thumb clean. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you pulled away with a pop. Bucky gulped and his eyes met yours. 

Winking at him, you turned back to the movie. Bucky cleared his throat and you knew that you had reeled him in. Sure, he’s way older than you, but it’s not like he stopped you while you sucked on his finger.

The movie continued and Bucky kept shifting in his seat, causing you to become distracted. “Are you okay?” You asked, looking over at him. Bucky nervously looked at you and nodded. “I-I’m fine. Excuse me.” He muttered before bolting off the couch and out of the room. You frowned, staring at his empty spot on the couch.

You paused the movie so he wouldn’t miss anything, but as the minutes ticked by, you were worried you had upset Bucky. You left the room and went to find him, hoping your thoughts were incorrect. Deciding you should check his room first, you took the elevator up and continued your search.

Bucky’s door was cracked open and you gently knocked on it before stepping inside. You could see Bucky sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. “Bucky?” You asked softly, walking inside of his room. His head shot up and his cheeks turned red. “H-hey.” He choked out, resting his hands on his thighs.

You walked closer and stood in front of him, tucking your hair behind your ear. “I’m sorry if I did something wrong.” You said softly, watching him closely. He sighed and shook his head, scratching the back of his neck. “No, no. You didn’t, I just-you’re-” Bucky stumbled over his words. You nodded as you caught the hint.

“You think I’m too young.” You said with a sad scoff. You sighed and bit your lip. Bucky looked up at you and groaned. “Stop biting your lip, Y/N. Y-You drive me crazy when you do that.” Bucky said lowly, his eyes lifting to meet yours. Slowly releasing your lip, you creased your eyebrows. “I’ll just go.” You breathed before turning to leave Bucky’s room.

You felt his hand grasp onto your wrist, stopping you. “Don’t.” Bucky said, his voice laced with authority and dominance. It sent a shiver down your spine and you turned to face Bucky with wide eyes. He was breathing heavily and he swallowed thickly. “Dammit, I’m sorry. Y/N, you’re just-fuck it.” Bucky said before pulling you closer  to him.

You stumbled over your feet and Bucky pulled you onto his lap, your legs either side of his waist. He looked down at you and let his hands run over your thighs, squeezing you. 

Your heart was racing and you could feel the heat rising up your neck, reaching your cheeks. Bucky looked at you and you held onto his biceps, the muscles flexing as he moved his hands against your skin.

Bucky leaned in slowly, gauging your reaction for what was about to happen. When you didn’t pull away, he kept moving until he closed the space between your lips. 

You let out a soft moan into the kiss and your eyes fluttered shut as your hands moved to rest around Bucky’s neck. Letting your fingers rake through his hair, he groaned against your mouth as you tugged on his long locks. Your tongues danced together, his winning the dominance.

Pulling away for air, you leaned your forehead against Bucky’s. He chuckled deeply and you hummed. “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.” You whispered, pulling away to look into his eyes. Bucky licked his lips and nodded. “I was afraid you thought I was too old for you.” Bucky admitted, his hands moving under your tank top.

You let out a giggle, the sound making Bucky’s heart flutter. “I was afraid you thought I was too young.” You said softly, watching Bucky’s eyes land on the exposed skin of your stomach. The contrast between his hands made you shiver. “No way, I love it.” Bucky said, leaning in to press his lips to your neck.

You moaned softly and tilted your head to give him more access. His teeth nipped at your sweet spot and you let out a whimper. “Oh, Daddy.” You breathed out, your eyes widening at what you just said. Bucky stopped his movements, his lips ghosting over your skin, his warm breath causing goosebumps to cover your body.

Bucky pulled away from your neck and met your eyes. “What did you just call me?” Bucky asked, his chest rising up and down heavily. You gulped and blushed hard, biting your lip. “Daddy.” You whispered, hoping you didn’t offend him. Bucky growled and stood up, throwing you onto his bed.

You smiled as you bounced, only for the smile to fade as Bucky hovered above you. He gripped your wrists and held them above your head. You gasped as he ground his hips into yours. “Are you gonna be a good little girl for me, Y/N?” Bucky asked, his metal hand grasping both of your wrists as his flesh hand moved underneath your tank top.

He squeezed your breast and you whined, moving your hips against his, doing anything to soothe the ache in between your legs. “Yes, Bucky.” You breathed softly. Bucky pulled his hand away and shook his head. “No, you know what to call me.” Bucky said, kissing your collarbones. You licked your lips, loving how plump and wet his felt against your skin.

“Yes, Daddy.” You corrected yourself, hearing an appreciative groan from Bucky. “Good little girl.” He whispered, both of his hands moving to lift your tank top off of you. The cool air in the room made your nipples harden immediately and Bucky hummed before grasping your breasts in his hands. “You’re so beautiful.” Bucky whispered, leaning down to twirl his tongue around one of your nipples.

Your hand flew to his hair, tangling your fingers in it. “Daddy, please.” You whimpered, tugging on his hair. Bucky smirked and moved to your other breast, giving it the same attention. Your panties became wetter the more Bucky used his tongue on you, and you wanted so desperately to feel it on your pussy.

Bucky kissed his way down your torso, his fingers pulling down your shorts as he got closer to your core. He threw your shorts behind him and pressed his lips against your hip, his fingers softly rubbing down your clothed pussy. Your hips jerked at the contact and Bucky chuckled. “You’re so sensitive, baby.” Bucky said with a smile, his eyes meeting yours.

You blushed and bit your lip as you sat up on your elbows. Bucky kissed along your thighs as he pulled your panties down and off of you. He kissed his way back up and his eyebrows creased as he moaned at the sight of you. “This is the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen. Oh, Doll.” Bucky said as his fingers dug into your thighs.

He spread your legs further apart and your heart started to race again. Bucky leaned in and stuck his tongue out, licking along your pussy lips. You gasped and watched him closely. Applying more pressure, he teased your clit with the tip of his tongue. “Daddyyy.” You whined, lifting your hips up.

Bucky held your hips down with his metal arm and you huffed. “Be a good little girl.” Bucky scolded you, his eyes meeting yours. You nodded and watched as he leaned back down, licking from your entrance to your clit, circling his tongue around it. “Oh, fuck!” You squealed, falling down onto your back.

Your thighs threatened to close shut around Bucky’s head, only to be stopped by him. He sucked your clit into his mouth, the obscene noises only driving you crazier. Bucky’s tongue was so thick and long, and you could feel his smirk against you as he toyed with your pussy while you turned into a moaning mess beneath him.

You gasped as you felt one of Bucky’s fingers gently slide into you, curling against your g-spot. Your hands found their way into his hair once again, tugging as hard as you could. 

He growled, sending the vibrations right through you. Bucky pulled away and kissed your inner thigh, inserting another finger. “Cum, little girl. Cum for Daddy.” Bucky growled, pumping his fingers in and out of you faster, the wet noises filling the room.

Bucky leaned back down to capture your clit in his mouth and you felt your pussy clench around his long fingers. “Daddy, I’m gonna cum!” You screamed, arching your back and grinding your hips against Bucky’s face. His other hand reached up to grasp your breast and your legs shut around Bucky’s head as you started to cum.

You could hear and feel him moaning against you, his fingers and mouth not faltering in their movements. He rode out your orgasm and you tried to move away, but Bucky held you down even harder than before. 

Your breathing was heavy as you watched him continue making out with your pussy. His hair framed his face and his cheekbones were much more prominent as he sucked all around your pussy, his tongue delving in your lips. The sight of him looking up at you was all too much and you felt another orgasm fast approaching.

As you came down, Bucky stripped himself of his clothes. You smiled as he hovered above you and he pressed his lips to yours again. You looked in between your bodies and saw Bucky’s cock leaking pre-cum, the tip a bright red from him being so hard. It was thick and a tad longer than you would’ve imagined.

Bucky could sense your nervousness and he rubbed your cheek with the pad of his thumb. You looked up at him and blushed. “We don’t have to.” Bucky said softly. You quickly shook your head. “Please, I want to…Daddy.” You whispered the last part and that was it for Bucky. He grabbed your legs and wrapped them around his waist, gently sliding into you.

You whimpered at the feeling of being stretched so much and Bucky was clearly trying his best to hold back until you adjusted to his size. Your legs tightened around Bucky’s waist and he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. “Fuck, you’re so tight. Aren’t you, little girl?” Bucky cooed, resting his forehead against yours.

A moan fell from your lips as Bucky finally slid all the way in. Bucky’s head fell into the crook of your neck and you urged him to start moving. He pulled his hips back slowly and you bit your lip, the feeling of him sliding in and out of you clouding your mind. “You can go faster.” You breathed, digging your nails into Bucky’s back.

He groaned and started to pick up speed, reaching even deeper as he slid back inside of you. “Such a good little girl.” Bucky choked out, his lips pressing kisses all along your chest. You cried out, feeling his tip brush against your g-spot. “Oh, Daddy! Right there!” You gasped, wanting him to hit it again.

Bucky growled, looking down at you. You watched his face as he slid out and slammed back inside of you, your breath catching in your throat as you watched his face contort with pleasure. 

Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as he started to pound into you, harder and faster than before. “There?” Bucky asked with a smirk, his hips slamming into yours relentlessly.

You opened your eyes to look at Bucky again and let your eyes fall to his hips. You could see his thick cock glistening with wetness as he entered you and pulled out. 

Bucky moved away from you and sat on his knees, pulling your hips closer to him. His flesh hand rested on your lower belly as he thrust back in. “There I am, fucking shit.” Bucky groaned, his cock reaching so deep.

Bucky hovered above you again and pressed his lips to yours, his tongue licking your bottom lip. You moaned and let his tongue play with yours. You felt the familiar tingle of an orgasm approaching soon after. “Daddy, I’m close!” You squealed as Bucky kept fucking you, the headboard slamming against the wall. “Does Daddy’s little girl want to cum?“ Bucky rasped, his hands gripping the pillow beside your head.

You moaned even louder, tugging on Bucky’s hair tightly. “Oh, yes please!” You screamed, your pussy clenching around his cock again. “Look at me when you cum, Y/N.” Bucky moaned, his metal hand wrapping around your throat. He added a little pressure and that’s all it took for you to come undone beneath him.

Moans and squeals fell from your lips as your eyes struggled to focus on Bucky’s. “Oh, Daddy yes!” You moaned, gripping onto his arm. You could feel hot spurts of his cum shooting inside of you, coating your fucked walls. “Fuuuck!” Bucky growled, his thrusts deep and hard as he rode out his orgasm.

Your legs trembled around his waist and your pussy was so full, you could feel your mixed cum running down onto the bed beneath you. Bucky pulled out of you slowly and collapsed beside you, a chuckle leaving his lips. “Such a good little girl.” Bucky mumbled as he wrapped his arm over your waist.

You blushed again and turned to look at Bucky with a smile. “Yeah?” You asked shyly, biting your lip. Bucky nodded and kissed your cheek. “Mm, so good. Let me clean you up, okay?” Bucky said before leaving the bed and disappearing into his bathroom.

After Bucky cleaned you both up and changed his sheets, he gave you his shirt to put on while slipping on a clean pair of boxers. You yawned and got underneath his blankets, watching Bucky join you shortly after. He pulled you into his warm chest and you pressed a kiss to his neck. 

“Bucky?” You whispered after a few moments of silence. He looked down at you, his thumb tracing circles on your waist. “Yes, Y/N?” He asked, kissing your forehead. 

“So, I’m not too young for you?” You asked, nervously looking up at him. Bucky smiled and pulled you closer, draping your leg over his waist. “Definitely not. It’s a turn on for me, but I do like you a lot, Y/N.” Bucky said softly, his eyes on yours.

You smiled widely and leaned in to kiss him, your hand moving to rest in his hair. You could feel his cock twitch against your thigh and you giggled. “No way. Not yet.” You said, watching Bucky blush. “I know, I’m sorry.” He chuckled, pulling you in for another kiss.

Note: I seriously hope this doesn’t disappoint :( .c

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remus lupin head canons

Depressed and sarcastic little shit

He’s queer and he’s here (or more specifically bisexual)

Doesn’t make a big deal about being sick or hurt because he truly thinks that its not

Except for stubbing his toe

He’s swears like a bloody sailer

“Stubs toe””Curses to heaven and beyond””closes eyes, takes a deep breath” I’m fine

Is an amazing student but his process on being one is a mess

Will go from studying until he hasn’t slept or eaten for days, to where he can’t even remember how to study and James freaking Potter has to force him

Procrastinates so hard but still gets perfect grades? wtf

Can grow facial hair easily, Sirius is jealous

Stands at the sides during parties because they make him uncomfortable

Only dances if James, Sirius, or lily force him to

Once on the dance floor he starts to loosen up, but the second any of them leave him he is sitting right back down

He’s either dead asleep or up until 4 in the morning there is no in-between

Does everything for pranks expect execute them because if James and Sirius get caught there is no way to tie it back to him

His side of the room makes no sense

Some parts will be tidy but others are a complete mess

Like his side table and trunk look perfect, but his desk and bed look like a tornado floor through their dorm

Messy messy hair

Loves to read. boy has a new book everyday

Always complains about the weather

Snowing? Remus is grumbling under his breath while wearing three coats

Hot out? Remus is acting like a 70 year old man and not a 17 year old kid

Talk shit about his friends and you will end up in a jinx so bad you’re in the infirmary for days

A lot of people think he’s shy but he’s really not

Just very indifferent towards people, and really good at keeping his constant panic in his head

Always looks like the undead, no matter how many hours of sleep he gets

Forgets to eat because when he was younger anytime the full moon would draw near he’d be too anxious to eat anything

Was reluctant to become friends with James and Sirius at first

Wanted to keep a low profile and he knew these two loud ass boys were not gonna help

But then he over heard them talking about a prank and chipped in some advice after hearing their rubbish planning 

They wouldn’t let him go after that

Doesn’t talk in class 

It takes too much effort to not get caught and its not worth a detention

Will throw the other Marauders under the bus if its to get out of detention

Doesn’t understand or care for Quidditch

Breaks James poor heart

Told James and Sirius that calling themselves The Marauders was very cliche and ridiculous but went along with it anyway

Denies that he’s a meddler but he really is

The worst out of the bunch (next to Marlene of course)

He’s just way to smart and observant, so he likes to take control of situations so they will move along faster

James thinks most of the plans to get him with Lily were devised by Sirius, but no that was all Remus

His comebacks will kill you

Cracks Sirius up all the time

Talks/mumbles to himself

Gets migraines easily

Got a nose piercing in seventh year and Sirius almost bust a nut

His accents a mix of English and something else but no ones knows and remus feigns ignorance

It makes Sirius want to pull out his hair

Believes he’s a monster

Anytime he’s told otherwise he’ll roll his eyes and sarcastically say “suuuure”

Frustrates Sirius

Makes James unbelievably sad

Lily is a mix of both

And thats all the head canons i have for now!

It was a joke, baby. I swear

Request: 41,46,or 63. Whichever you’re more comfortable with :))

Could you do #46 with Peter Parker? ps all ur writing is bomb af

Summary: Peter pulls a prank on you and you threaten to kick his ass.

A/N: SO I COMBINED #41 AND #46 OFF THE DRABBLE CHALLENGE. HOPEFULLY IT TURNS OUT GOOD.

Part 2

Originally posted by jessikaort


You gasp at the sight in front of you. Looking back at you through your mirror was yourself, but not exactly. You had just gotten out of the shower, and once you walked by the mirror, something a little blue had caught your eye. You went into the shower with y/h/c hair, and now you’ve come out with royal blue hair. You took deep breathes as you lifted some parts of hair from your scalp to see that all of it really was blue. Some strands were a more faint blue than others. 

Meanwhile, Peter was sitting on your living room couch, giddy with anticipation. You didn’t know it yet, but he was the one who had put the blue dye in your shampoo. It was semi-permanent, he figured it’d be a funny little prank. He impatiently waited to hear something from you, knowing your reaction wouldn’t be subtle. He had heard the shower turn off, “Hows it going in there y/n?” Peter called to you.

It all clicked to you now. Peter was the one who had ruined your hair. Of course it was him. Blue hair to match his red and blue suit. “Peter Parker, I’m gonna kill you!” you screeched as you bolted into your room throwing on two pieces of clothing that were the first items you saw, a pair of underwear and Peters hoodie that you “borrowed”. With your wet blue hair, you marched out to the living room where Peter was laying, laughing uncontrollably. His eyes ran up and down your body and rested on your hair, “Well you look, amazing,” he told you, attempting to stop his snickering. 

“You think this is funny, Parker?” You grumbled, breathing heavily. 

“No, no not at all, I’m sorry. I think it’s hilarious,” He knew you meant war when you said his last name, but he couldn’t help but give himself a small pat on the back at his clever prank.

You groaned at his comment and began to advance towards him. Peter was taking no chances, knowing you were currently wild. So he flexed his arm out, and from his wrist shot out a web that pinned your fist to the bookshelf behind you. Looking at your hand that was covered in a sticky substance, your jaw dropped and features turned to a bewildered look. Oh he did not. You yanked and pulled at your hand, but it wasn’t escaping anytime soon.

“Look just calm down,” he tried to reason, with a wide smile on his face, “wait, is that my sweater?” he asked you in a higher, curious tone of voice. He cocked an eyebrow, as he studied the article of clothing. But because he was a teenage boy, his eyes became glued to your naked legs. He was quite enjoying your outfit, 

“Don’t try to change the subject Peter. What did you do to my hair?” you demanded, ignoring his burning gaze,

It was just a joke, baby. I swear.” He said, taking slow steps towards you,

 “You think it’s funny that I get to match your stupid onesie now?!”

“Ugh, it’s not a onesie,” he whined, squeezing the bridge of his nose between his thumb and pointer finger, “babe, I’m sorry-”

Sorry isn’t going to help when I kick your ass!” you interrupted him, yanking at your hand once again. 

“I’m not letting you out of that till you calm down y/n,” Peter told you, gazing down to webbing. 

“I’m not going to calm down, my hair is blue!”

He sighed, and tilted his head to the side. He began walking towards you again. Once he was within arms reach of you, you brought up the hand that wasn’t pinned down, and swung it at Peters chest. He caught it before it could hit him, and he pressed his body against yours. Trapping you completely, in the corner between the wall and the bookshelf. You tried taking back the hand that he had a hold of, but he held it tightly and closely to his chest. You grabbed a fist full of his grey shirt, and attempted to push him away, but he wasn’t budging. 

Peter lowered his forehead to yours, knowing your wild mood was slowly fading. He knew what he was doing, and he knew the effect he had on your body. “Stop it. I’m mad at you,” you spoke to him sternly, determined to keep your fuming attitude, to prove a point to him. “No, you’re not,” he persuaded you with a smile.

“Yes, I am. Look at my hair!” You argued not looking him in the eye. Again you tried shoving him away, but it was hardly worth trying, without control over either of your arms.

“There’s nothing wrong with your hair. It’s perfect,” he whispered to you. You stopped struggling against him, and decided your best bet now was to give him the silent treatment. Moving your head to the side, you didn’t give him any attention and took your forehead away from his. Shortly after, you felt a pair of soft lips press themselves to your temple. You closed your eyes at excitement of butterflies attacking your stomach. Peters lips pecked a trail of kisses down the side of your face, “I’m sorry,” he muttered in between every one of them. Leisurely, he brought them down to your exposed neck. Sticking to your plan of the silent treatment, you didn’t protest. 

“Please-forgiveme-I’msorry,” he repeated every time his lips left your neck and reconnected them. 

“I hate you,” you whispered, just barely audible for him. Peter smiled against your neck and placed his forehead back against yours, “What was that?” he asked teasingly with a grin. You tried so hard to keep a smile from taking over your lips, but you failed trying, “I hate you,” you said louder to him.

He shook his head with a smile, “No you don’t,” he declared with a laugh. You just nodded your head in response, letting out a laugh also.

“Nice sweater by the way,” he said to you, “mind telling me where you got it?”

5

When I was a little kid, I was a complete asshole. I would run around the neighborhood on Halloween throwing firecrackers in people’s mailboxes, at their houses, and things like that. We were just these little hell raisers. I’m sure I have a lot to atone for, if there is a judgment day. It’s gonna be a long list for me. It goes right up until I was about 18 and then I sort of straightened out.

Happy 41th birthday, Ryan Reynolds! (October 23rd, 1976)

waking up the wolf inside

[here’s the full story, thanks for reading!]

-

Derek Hale is two hours late. At each passing minute, Stiles feels angrier and the only reason he hasn’t left is because Derek needs to come home at some point and when he does, Stiles is going to yell at him so hard he’s going to give him this interview just to send Stiles away.

Stiles can be pretty annoying when he wants to, that’s how he gets most of his job done.

Derek Hale though, he’s been fucking infuriating. For starters he lives in the middle of nowhere, Stiles got lost twice before he found someone who actually knew where Derek’s freaking cabin is. And there’s also the fact that he’s a nobody - Stiles’ only picture of him is from his High School graduation, like, fifteen years ago.

And that’s the most fascinating thing – not many people know about him but the ones who do can’t stop praising his work. The guy is an angel, but instead of protecting people he protects wolves. According to Scott’s boss – who’s like, the one person who has seen Derek in person and can attest he’s real – Derek has a vet degree, doesn’t like people and built his own cabin in the woods. To live amongst the wolves.

Stiles needs to interview this guy. At first because he got curious about a thirty-one year old guy living alone and now it’s about pride. He doesn’t just spend two hours outside someone’s house, especially when it’s snowing.

“Come on.” He groans. It’s freaking Alaska. Angel or not – Derek Hale is also a huge dick.

Stiles is beginning to think about breaking into the guy’s house (he can’t feel his toes) when he hears a car and a minute later a battered truck is parking next to Stiles’ rental car.

The man who steps out looks nothing like the High School picture Stiles found. For starters he look like a mountain man with a beard that does nothing but make him look hotter, the jeans doesn’t leave much to imagination either when it comes to his ass and the huge winter coat only accentuates his broad shoulders.

Stiles swallows. “Hey!” He yells, watching as Derek opens the back door. “Derek Hale?” He can’t hide his groan when Derek barely spares him a glance. “Hey, it’s freaking freezing here, you know?”

Derek lets out a groan of his own as he lifts something in his arms and steps away from the car. “I know.” He walks towards the house and as he gets closer, Stiles notices Derek is carrying a wolf. “Now, help me out here, yeah?”

Stiles doesn’t even think twice before dropping his bag and stepping closer. “What can I do?”

“Grab the key,” Derek instructs, “it’s in my back pocket.”

Later, Stiles will want to hide his face in embarrassment but now he can only think about the poor wolf whining in Derek’s arms as he touches Derek’s ass to find the key to open Derek’s house.

Once inside, Derek deposits the wolf on the floor, wrapping him further with blankets and asks Stiles to light up the fire as he goes around the house collecting things. “Is he going to be okay?” Stiles asks as Derek kneels in front of the wolf and runs a soothing hand over his head.

“Hopefully.” Derek answers. “And it’s a girl.” He tells Stiles. “She’s in labor.”

What.” Stiles squeaks. “Really? But –”

“In the kitchen,” Derek interrupts him, “get some hot water, and close the fucking door.”

Stiles blinks, watches as Derek tells her everything is going to be okay. She’s obviously uncomfortable, but stops squirming when Derek smiles and runs his hands over her belly.

Water.” Derek growls.

“Right.” Stiles gets on his feet. He so didn’t sign up for this.


“So,” he collapses on the floor, “does this happen a lot?”

Derek collapses next to him, eyes on the mother wolf and her six pups. “Is this part of your interview?”

Stiles snorts and rolls his eyes. “No, this is just me trying not to freak out.” He turns to look at Derek – his eyes are green, he realizes, and beautiful, he adds mentally.

“No, this doesn’t happen often.” Derek answers, finally. “Thankfully.”

Stiles nods and smiles when Derek turn to him. “You’re amazing.” He blurts out and Derek blinks, surprised. “Anyway,” Stiles shakes his head, tries to pretend the butterflies in his stomach are just from the adrenaline rush, “we’ll have to postpone the interview, but I think that’s justifiable.” He gets up, looks at his hands and realizes they are covered in blood. Ew. “Uh, can I use your bathroom before I go?”

“Go?” Derek asks, standing up too.

“I’m gonna get a hotel in town.” The nearest town is two hours away, but what can you do? He glances at the sleeping wolves. It’s not like this was Derek’s fault. “I think.”

“Don’t be stupid.” Derek says, bluntly. Stiles snorts – yeah, Derek really doesn’t have a way with people. “I have a spare bedroom.”

Stiles smiles. “Thank you.” He says. “I don’t really like driving in the snow.”

“Who does.” Derek says, asks maybe. Stiles still doesn’t know him, but as he follows Derek up the stairs, he realizes he really wants to.

Keep reading

pretty boy ☾ peter parker

summary : you think peter is very pretty, and your duty as his girlfriend is to tell him every chance you get.

wc : 1.4k 

  Peter Parker has freckles. They’re countless in amount and infinitesimal in size, but they’re spread across his sloped nose, his cheeks, and some of them are scattered across his shoulders from the days he spends at Rockaway Beach in the summertime sun not because he likes the beach, but because you do and you drag him there almost every day throughout July. He doesn’t mind. He can’t have you taking the train there alone, and he’d rather spend time with you in the sweltering heat than leave you by yourself. If you’re sitting close enough, the way you are right in this moment, you can count each one of those stars on his cheeks and play connect the dots with a ballpoint pen, if he’d let you. He most likely would. Peter would let you get away with anything. If you were to try to kiss each individual freckle that was settled there on his skin you’d be pressing your lips to his cheeks for hours on end. He’d like to see you try such a thing. 

   Peter Parker also has the sweetest brown eyes you’ve ever had the pleasure of gazing into. They were warm and kind and they felt like home whenever he turned them on you in that loving way he held. You love the way he looks at you, often and bright with happiness. You haven’t stopped looking at him since you started all those months ago, you couldn’t anticipate a time when you would. He doesn’t mind the permanent way his eyes settle on you, but it’s the way you’re always looking at him that makes him blush and turn his face away. He’s not much to look at, in his opinion. 

    He whines a little when he catches your eye again, trained on him like a reflex once again. His face glows a red the color of a ripe strawberry as he spins around in his chair and stares at the peeling cover of his science notebook. “What’s wrong, pretty boy?” You grinned when he flushed a deeper shade of crimson, still evading the smile that crept across your face. 

   “Y/N,” he whines once more, the heat creeping up toward the tips of his ears. He turns toward you, holding his cheek in his hand and keeping his elbow propped up on the swivel chair. “You know I get all,” he squirmed around in his chair, “flustered when you call me that.” The admittance came with a great reluctancy on his part, but it only made you smile more as you walked across the room and cleared away the clutter of his desk, taking a seat there so you could continue your study in Peter Parker. “I’m not pretty.” 

    “Shhh,” you chastised, using your foot to spin him back around. “You’re very pretty, Peter.” He stretches out his hand, waiting for you to grab it and hold it as careful as always. He presses a kiss to your knuckles whenever you hold his hand, he knows you think it’s the sweetest thing ever and that every single time he does it, you swoon like it’s your first date all over again. He’s big on holding hands. It’s intimate without being too much, and the teachers can’t really scold him for holding your hand the way they can for kissing you against the lockers when you both think no one is around. Still, he kisses your hand, and you close your eyes, smiling shyly. Then, you say, “How’d I get the sweetest, prettiest boy in the universe to be mine?” 

   “Oh, god,” he takes his hand out of yours and covers his cheeks with them, feeling the warmth of his skin against his palms and squeezing his eyes shut. He can’t believe what you’ve made him. A blushing mess undone the moment you call him pretty, sweet, yours. “Feel my cheek,” he demanded, grabbing your wrist and pressing your palm to his face. You laugh. 

   “You’re burning up, babe,” you say, patting his cheek. “I can’t help it. I have to compliment you. All the time. Every hour of every day.” You tap a finger against his cute nose. 

   “I would compliment you but every time I try you swoop in and render my speech incoherent with that little nickname you have for me,” he kept his fist against his cheek as he stared up at you, your legs dangling off his desk as you extend your hands out for him. He takes them, presses them to his cheek. 

   “What nickname?” You question innocently. “Oh, oh, oh, I know which one. Pretty boy.” You held his scrunched up in embarrassment face in your hands, squishing his cheeks. “So pretty.” 

    “I’m gonna spontaneously combust.” The words came out muffled because of the position his face was in, but if he were being honest, he could feel himself light up every time you said he was pretty, as amusing as the word was to him. Even if he doesn’t think he’s much- anything, really- to be fond of, he’s happy, so happy, that you disagree. 

   You call him pretty boy every chance you get. You seize the opportunity with pride, throwing a wink his direction when you can because he has the dopiest little smile on his face for the rest of the day even if he feigns irritation in the moment. 

     You greet him every morning outside his apartment building with a cup of coffee in your outstretched hand and a sweet smile curling at your lips and a, “Morning, my pretty boy,” and Peter starts his school day with a blush, his arm around the shoulders of the girl that he loves. You lean up to kiss the corner of his mouth. He’s invincible. 

    Then, you see him in chemistry class, goggles strapped to your face and a stupid apron around your neck. His heart still stops when he sees you. You slide in the seat between him and Ned, pulling at his goggle strap before it snaps back to his head as gentle as you can manage. “Did you finish the lab conclusion, pretty boy? I’m stuck on the last sent- Ned what happened to him?” You turned to the other boy, eyebrows raised in confusion because Peter is motionless and the redness is spreading all over his neck. 

   “You called him pretty again,” Ned replied, stretching his hand across the table and waving it in front of Peter’s face. “He’s probably just offended that you didn’t greet me with a compliment.” 

   “C’mon, Ned, you know I think you’re gorgeous.” 

   “I’m actually not deaf, guys.” Peter nudged you playfully, rubbing his cheeks with the sleeves of his gray sweater. You ruffle his honey hair. 

  “We know,” you answered. “Ned’s stunning, obviously-” Ned grins at this- “but you’re forever the only pretty boy for me.” Peter scrunches his nose up. Then, he takes off his goggles, placing them next to the looseleaf paper that has his neatly compiled lab report scrawled over the page. He leans forward, scooting his chair close to you so he can remove your goggles, too. He takes your face in his hands and kisses you quick. He’d put more passion into it if the teacher wasn’t standing across the room, looking for any excuse to separate the two of you. Every teacher was the same. He pulls back after a second, his hands lingering on your cheeks when he gazes at you. 

   “I love you, you beautiful and lovely and wonderful girl of mine.” Triumphantly, he removes his hands and places them back down on the desk. He catches it before you turn away toward Ned, and for a brief and fleeting moment, it’s there on your cheeks. “Oh, oh, what’s that I see? Is that a blush?” He jumps around to Ned’s spot, a stupid, prideful grin on his face as he savors the moment for himself, commits the pretty sight to memory. “Pretty girl, are you blushing?” He pressed his hands to against your face, pinching your cheek gently, lovingly. You punched him in the arm, a warning behind your eyes, but Peter didn’t care in the slightest. 

   “Yes, you big idiot,” you mumbled. “Happy now?” 

   “Oh, I’m very happy.” 

   “I hate you.” 

   “Do you really?” Peter raised his eyebrows, resting his palms against your shoulders and rubbing his thumb along the place where your collarbone peeked out of your shirt. 

   “Of course not,” you said, a grumble in your tone. “I love you and your pretty boy face, sweet little freckles and all.” You poked a couple of his freckles and kissed the one by his mouth. Peter sighed, still smiling brightly because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t pretend to be annoyed at you when you called him that name. He’d wear it with like a badge of honor, grateful for it. He had an effortlessly gorgeous love that thought he was the prettiest thing she had ever laid her eyes on, so what more could he ask for? 

Dapper (NSFW)

Originally posted by trycreativitybitch

Eggsy Unwin x Reader

Warnings: Smut

A/N: Had absolutely no fucking clue who to tag in this so I just tagged the usual suspects. Not Marvel, obviously but hopefully you’ll enjoy just the same.


Keep reading

In which we needed to get water from cacti

We were just trying to get into some cacti to get the water from inside when this happened

Sorcerer: Hey, could I borrow a dagger to get into this?

Ranger: Yeah, sure.

Ranger OOC: I throw my dagger into [Sorcerer]

Sorcerer OOC: Wait, INTO?

Ranger: SHIT NO! TO HIM!

DM: Too late, you said into. Roll.

*Hits*

DM: It goes through your hand. Take 7 damage.

Sorcerer: Ow, ah fuck!

Bard then notices this happening.

Bard: Oh my god, what the heck! Jeez, okay, [Sorcerer], I’m gonna take the dagger out.

DM: Take one more point of damage.

Sorcerer: Ow.

Bard then casts cure light wounds

Sorcerer OOC: I hold my hand up trying to stare at [Ranger] through the cut as it heals.

Yall know the drill. 5 miles, BNHA episode recap

  • Every single one of my Group Project With Terrible Group Members anxieties was on fire within 30 seconds of this episode
  • Me, quietly, under my breath: Clearly Deku is trying to do the work it’s his partner who’s not helping tell the teacher Deku deserves an A its not his fault hes in a shitty group.
  • For real this is almost a tongue-in-cheek commentary on schools handling bullying. Turns to the person clearly only being victimized who’s done nothing wrong. “Now I think you BOTH need to work on your get-along skills hmmm?”
  • They sure like to name episodes as “[Character name]: Origin”
  • I really like how Shonen Logic:tm: works where characters can be smashed through buildings and be fine, but Bakugou whapping Deku in the nose with his stupid gauntlet leaves Deku wincing on the ground.
  • and by “really like” i mean “im really fucking hurt. Deku looked so hurt he didnt deserve that”
  • Look at him. Look at him he didnt deserve that. Someone please kick Bakugou’s ass.
  • Status update: the rest of the episode is All Might kicking Bakugou’s ass. Nice. Prick.
  • Bakugou: [yells]
    Deku: [yelling] stop yelling!
  • All Might proceeds to shut Bakugou up. Nice All Might good job listening.
  • I’m so happy for All Might. He’s having the best time being a villain. You know he’s giggling like a five year old on the inside you know it. He gets to just break shit and be evil. I love it.
  • [Obligatory Sans Undertale joke]
  • OKAY SO ALL MIGHT’S NOT FUCKING AROUND ALRIGHTY THIS IS FINE.
  • HI WELCOME TO U.A. THE TOP SCHOOL IN THE WORLD OUR CURRICULUM IS BEATING THE ABSOLUTE FUCKING PULP OUT OF YOUR CHILDREN ANY QUESTIONS?
  • That’s not even hyperbole Bakugou got his breakfast beaten right out of him RIP Bakugou yikes
  • NGL the changing angle made it look for a moment like All Might impaled Deku with that fence and like….little dark, All Might.
  • “You will be my successor Midoriya when I pass the torch on oh shit fuck right you needed those internal organs. Ive lived without mine so long I forgot they were there. My bad. ……Should I move the fence?”
  • Bakugou: “I’m going to beat All Might with my own two fists!”
    All Might:
    -punches Bakugou’s breakfast right out of him-
    Bakugou: “Never mind!!!! Turns out I suck!!! Test canceled!!! I quit!!!”
  • Deku: -slugs Bakugou- listen u shit I’m not throwing away my A for this.
  • “We still have to fight All Might!!” Okay Vomit-Mouth.
  • Poor Deku, for the whole alley scene. Bakugou’s just fucking screaming at him 2.5 inches away and Bakugou won’t wipe his damn mouth like damn at least pop a breath mint or something if youre gonna harrass Deku point-blank like that it’s gross.
  • I LOVE ALL MIGHT’S RUN HE LOOKS LIKE A DOOFY VIDEO GAME CHARACTER
  • Deku: “Finally, with Bakugou’s gauntlet I can use a quirk without breaking my own arm.”
    Deku: -breaks his arm from the recoil-
    Deku: “Oh fucking come on”
  • I love Bakugou just blast-zooming through the air while he and Deku talk it’s like those long-ass Naruto scenes where they hop 2945 feet between branches. Except poor Deku’s gotta like, actually run. Offer him a ride Bakugou you animal.
  • Deku: “That gate’s fucking kawaii and I’m kinda insulted considering how I’ve been nearly killed to death like four times in this thing but okay whatever.”
  • DORK
  • ALL MIGHT THEYRE CHILDREN GODDAMN

I BEAT A MOTHER FUCKER WITH ANOTHER MOTHER FUCKER

  • Bakugou: -uses his quirk to fucking launch Deku toward the goal like a sack of potatoes-
    me, thinking back to the physical tests of season 1: Haha call back.
  • ALL MIGHT THEY ARE C H I L D R EN
  • Bakugou: “what!!?? YOU THOUGHT DEKU WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD BREAK ALL HIS ARMS AND SCREAM!!? I CAN BREAK MY ARMS EVEN FUCKING BETTER THAN HE CAN”
  • ALL MIGHT THIS IS NOT HOW MERCY WORKS
  • this is physically painful to watch im like upset
  • theyre kids theyre just kids leave them a l o n e
  • also Bakugou trying to bite All Might’s hand as a last ditch effort is just….real sad? It hurts? This all hurts?
  • Im glad Deku punched All Might he was being a real jackass today.
  • Recovery Girl, for the 19375th time: “The absolute fucking shit I put up with because of you people”
Shapely🍑

Summary: Bucky and Steve will never let you know that they’re the heads of your booty’s fanclub.

Authors note: It was so hard to find old timey slang for butt. Like we have so many words now I was surprised lmao.

Warnings: None, Bucky and Steve appreciating that cake


  Your jeans only make it halfway up your thighs before they refuse to budge. You groan.

‘And this was my favorite pair too’

You sigh, before peeling off the jeans and rooting around in your dresser for something that you can wear. You never were the skinniest person, especially when it came to your hips and thighs. But then again you never were exactly bootylicious either. So when you became a SHEILD agent you thought your body would kinda slim down into a  svelte mass of lean, toned muscle like the other female agents.

 Boy were you wrong. 

You gained muscle, and a lot of it too. Every single inch of you had at least some definition and your thighs had bulked up considerably. As for your butt….You sneak a peek at it in the mirror ‘I swear it gets bigger every day’ . Since you had joined the Avengers last year and your training had gotten even more intense you swear your booty had doubled in size. Your body was very… in your face nowadays. Wanda kindly described you as ‘shapely’. You pull out a pair of denim shorts that have some slight stretch to them.

You look at yourself in the mirror sighing. ‘ If I get anymore shapely I’m gonna have to buy an entire new wardrobe.’ 


“Pal, why is ya oatmeal always so…” Steve makes a face “…Soggy?”

Bucky and Steve are sitting eating breakfast, at a table that’s situated slightly back and across from the kitchen, next to an open door. Bucky snorts.

“It’s oatmeal Steve, it’s supposed to be soggy.” Steve rolls his eyes but takes another bite of his oatmeal, making a mental note to make breakfast himself the next morning.

Bucky lets out a soft, low whistle. Steve turns his his head, slowly. He knows what that whistle means. He watches as you enter from the other side of the room, cross the kitchen and start rifling in the cabinets. Or rather he watches your ass cross the kitchen and start rifling in the cupboards. You Steve, and Bucky were pretty good friends. You had surprisingly befriended Bucky first, and then Steve. Bucky had been making a good recovery, but was still kind of shy, except around Steve and Sam, and then you. Your sense of humor and openness kind of disarmed him. The three of you would always hang out, watch movies, and talk about anything and everything. But the one thing that Bucky and Steve would never mention is that they both agreed that you by far had the best body they had ever seen. And they were low-key its fan club. The super soldier’s eyes track you as you gather your cup of tea and cheese danish in one hand and exit the room.

“Now ain’t that a beautiful sight to see in the morning?” Bucky says, smirking and sipping his coffee. 

“Yes,” Steve smirks back “As I always say,the lady is truly blessed.”

“Amen.” Bucky says raising his coffee mug. “I mean have you ever seen such beautiful gams on a dame?”

“No,”  Steve pushes back his bowl of soggy oatmeal and crosses his arms over his chest. A devious grin forms on his face. “But that’s not the only thing that’s beautiful.”

Bucky’s grin widens to epic shit eating proportions. “True, Y/N’s a bit broad in the beam, ain’t she?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

 Your voice coming from behind them nearly stops both super soldier’s hearts. They turn, mouths slack, to find you standing in the doorway behind their table, tea and cheese danish in one hand, the other perched on your hip.

“Ah-um-I-um” Steve splutters, unable to form words. Bucky, on the other hand, decides distraction is the best course of action.

“Y/N! Sugar, sweetheart, you look lovely today. How’s that cheese danish? I heard the weather’s going to be nice , maybe we should go to the park?” He exclaims, red slowly creeping up his neck until his whole face is scarlet. You silently look from Steve to Bucky. ‘Well if they’re not gonna spill, Google will’

You pull out your phone and look at it. “Well looks like I have somewhere to be so I’ll see you boys later.”

You turn, hearing twin goodbye’s being called out after you, with at least one voice cracking in the middle.


You retreat back your room and fire up your laptop. Bucky and Steve were always using obscure old timey slang that no one understood. ‘they better haven’t been throwing shade…’ you shake your head. It seemed like they were talking about something physical about you, and not in a bad way. You feel warm and kind of insecure at the same time. You couldn’t deny that the two super soldiers were very attractive.

You open google and type “gams meaning” into the search engine.


gam

/ɡam/

noun,informal

plural noun: gams

  1. a leg, especially in reference to the shapeliness of a woman’s leg.

A giggle escapes your mouth. ‘oh my’ you think.

You type the next phrase into Google, and click on the phrase dictionary that comes up.


Broad in the beam

Meaning:

Having wide hips or buttocks


You stare at the screen for a moment and then  recall the overheard conversation. Your mouth falls open as you choke out a laugh ‘Oh my god’


Later that day you find Bucky,Steve and Sam sitting outside. You join them, and they all greet you, but you notice Bucky isn’t looking you in the eye and Steve’s ears are pink. Sam doesn’t seem to notice the tension and dives into a story about sweeping a girl off her feet in the local coffee shop.

“…then she gave me her number.”

“That’s great!” Steve says “You gonna take her out soon?”

“Yeah this weekend”

“That is great,” Bucky smiles “What does she look like?” he asks curiously.

“Man she had the cutest laugh, and those dimples…” Sam pauses, smiling to himself. “She had short dark hair, and was so curvy…..like damn.” Everyone chuckles a bit at this, and after the chuckles stop you pipe up.

“Curvy? Sam get with the times, you don’t call women curvy anymore, its called being broad in the beam.” You say and smirk at the two super soldiers. They promptly turn bright red, Bucky choking a little bit. Sam whips his head back and forth between the three of you.

“Am I missing something?” he asks.

 Steve clears his throat, holding out his hands imploringly.

“Y/n, sugar, listen. I can explain”


tags: @stephie-senpai @chamongangae

@iamwarrenspeace
The Case of the Bed Stranger

Stiles/Derek, T, 1.5K words, College AU

Written for the following prompt: The house party me and my friends threw kinda escalated and after throwing out everyone I found this half naked person passed out in my bed but I can’t be bothered to wake them up now so I’m just gonna go to sleep and deal with it in the morning, they are kind of cute anyway AU


“Erica,” Derek says calmly—very calmly, he thinks, considering the situation. It’s two in the morning, he just trudged back from the library with a pounding headache behind his eyes, and he comes home to find their apartment the site of a raging house party, with drunk undergrads everywhere.

“Hey, Der,” she says, with that wide grin that only comes out when she’s had one drink too many.

“You didn’t tell me you were throwing a party,” he says, his jaw clenched, and she scoffs.

“This? This isn’t a party. This is a, uh, just a little get-together.”

Derek rolls his eyes. “It’s finals, for fuck’s sake. I’m going to bed, at least turn the fucking music down.”

He pushes through the crowd—accidentally hitting some of them with his backpack, oops—and finally seeks refuge in his room. The noise is dulled, blessedly, when he shuts the door behind him, and he exhales, letting his eyes fall shut. His momentary calm evaporates, however, when he opens eyes and notices the very important fact that someone is currently asleep in his bed, sprawled out on his stomach like he owns the place.

All Derek can see is broad bare shoulders, messy brown hair, and half of a mole-dotted face, pressed into the pillow and currently slack with sleep. Huh.

Derek sighs. He’s fucking exhausted, he doesn’t want to deal with babysitting some drunk kid right now, and he really doesn’t want him to wake up and then throw up in Derek’s bed or something.

Plus, the traitorous little voice in his head says, he’s really cute.

Derek shakes his head, irritated, as he drops his backpack on his desk chair. He strips down to his boxers and skips brushing his teeth—he’ll do it twice in the morning, and people are probably fucking the bathroom anyway, Jesus Christ.

Derek pulls back the comforter and gently slides into the bed, trying not to disrupt the mattress before he realizes that he’s being ridiculous. Why is he even considering a stranger’s comfort? It all seems for naught, anyway, because this kid apparently sleeps like the dead.

He takes a quick peek under the blankets, and at least the guy’s still wearing briefs, thank god. Derek doesn’t want to have to worry about accidentally sexually assaulting someone in his sleep.

He flops over onto his other side—thanks to the king size bed, his only grad school indulgence, there’s plenty of room—and closes his eyes. He’ll deal with this shit in the morning.

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Hey Jude

A/N: This is my really late submission for @percussiongirl2017 ‘s birthday challenge! Hopefully it was worth the wait. I had the prompt, “You can’t tell me how to live my life. You’re not my mother.” & my song is “Hey Jude” – The Beatles. The pairing is Dean x Sister!Reader however there is some Sam in there as well. The reader is the oldest sibling.

Word Count: 2833

Dean x Sister!Reader   Sam x Sister!Reader

“Take care of Sam and Dean.”

That was your motto. You were eight years old when your mother died in the fire that turned your life upside down. You could remember the heat, the fear you felt, and how you had never gripped Dean’s hand or held onto Sammy so tightly then you did that night when you brought them out of the burning house.

Ever since then your father gave you one task, to take care of Sam and Dean. It wasn’t something that was foreign to you; it was something that you had loved helping your mother do. She had always lovingly referred to you as her mini mama because you enjoyed it so much.

So that’s what you did.

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Imagine Kingsman’s Enemies Break Into Yours and Eggsy’s House

A/N: More Eggsy because I would die for this egg srsly. Also, this is violent and swear a lot so you have been warned! Enjoy :P also - send in a request if you want, I’ll write anything tbh (as long as it’s Kingsman - doesn’t have to be Eggsy!)

“Hey, babe. You alright?”

“I’m good. What time are you getting home?” You replied, 

“‘Bout thirty minutes. I’ll bring take out?”

Now he was speaking your language. 

“Mhm, hell yes Unwin. Knew there was a reason I kept you around,” You heard Eggsy’s mock gasp down the phone, then a laugh. 

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So, basically...

Things I liked about the finale:

- Seeing everyone who’d passed away

- Defan 

- Bonnie kicking ass

Things I didn’t like about the finale:

- Stefan dying

- Katherine’s weak ass comeback (she just got stabbed and thrown around, how exciting)

- Stefan dying

- Why the fuck was Vicki in hell?

- SteFaN dYinG

- How the fuck did Bonnie wake up Elena? Also she sort of had Enzo in the end but not really??? Also how did Enzo wake Bonnie up just by touching her I’m??? YOU GUYS I GET THE FEELING BONNIE BROUGHT KAI BACK TO SAVE ELENA IN RETURN FOR HIS FREEDOM WHICH WOULD HAVE MADE SENSE CONSIDERING HE WANTED TO GET HIS ASS OUT OF MYSTIC FALLS AND HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD LIFT THE SPELL. but no. plot holes! :D

- Stefan. Dying.

- THAT WIG LOOKS AWFUL ! ! !

- Stefan always sacrificing it all for everyone and being so loyal and brave and kind and then DYING

- I miss Kai. Why did everyone love the siphon twins but not him.

- Why is Stefan dead

- Why didn’t they just stab Katherine and throw her in the tunnel, or tie her to a chair in the tunnel it makes NO SENSE that anyone had to die

- Did I mention Stefan’s death?

- I was expecting more out of the Delena scenes to be honest

- S T E F A N 

- How did Katherine’s hair magically curl itself between shots?

- he deserved better : ))

- Tyler’s character was tossed off the show like he meant nothing and I’m still mad

- Honestly who cares about Matt’s family

- Didn’t they say we were gonna have a two hour finale? IT FELT SO RUSHED.

- Caroline is the only vampire left which is so weird and I don’t like it

- Alaric deserved better, him and Jo were so beautiful together

- Do you think I’ve forgotten about Stefan bc I haven’t

stay in the dark (a mileven fic)

hey there mileven readers, it’s me, ya girl savannah. the lovely @thecakegoesmeow requested Mike and Eleven hanging out in the cabin and Mike seeing El’s amazing curls for the first time. I hope it’s everything you wanted! (ao3 link) 


“What’s going on in there?” Chief Jim Hopper shouted, for the fifth time- and yes, he was counting. He stood outside the bathroom door, conveniently locked, knocking again. “Come on, kiddo it’s been like an hour.”

“20 minutes!” she yelled from behind the locked door.

Hopper looked around to show the empty room the confusion on his face. “What?” he shouted back.

“You said an hour!” he heard her yell again, “it’s only be twenty minutes.”

“It’s called an exaggeration, El. Wasn’t that your word of the day, what, like a week ago? I’d have thought you would have that one down, you sure seem to like ‘em.” he mused, laughing at his own joke. When the teenager behind the door didn’t respond, Hopper let out a sigh of exasperation. Guess it was still too early to start using Dad Jokes on her.  “Listen, he’s gonna be here any minute. You gonna stay in there the whole time he’s here?”

El’s reflection in the mirror frowned at her, and she untangled her goopy hands from her head. “Stupid hair,” she grumbled, her shoulders falling.

“What’d you say?” she heard her Hopper’s muffled voice ask. El’s forehead collided with the mirror as she let it drop, giving up altogether and letting her hands hang down by her sides.

“My hair.” El half whispered. Her eyes trained in on the the other girl in the mirror, her mind focused on the curls that stuck up way behind her head, willing them to obey and lay flat. They began to fall back in slow motion, El finally smiling. Stay, she prayed.

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Angel in the Darkness (M) pt.3

Originally posted by aestheticvbts

Summary: After a patient urgently pleads you to go and help a friend of his, you naively agree to it. Little did you know, that you would get more than what you agreed to, when he leads you to a brothel, to help a dangerous prostitute named Jeon Jungkook.

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader (ft. Jin, but not romantically)

Genre: Smut (M), angst, mafia!au, prostitution!au

Word Count: 5,997

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4



I can’t believe I’m doing this again, you think to yourself. You close your eyes, and listen to the engine of the crowded bus, as you were currently on your way to pay mister ‘Kookie’ a visit. You start to slowly replay the scenes of Jin yelling at you, to desperately go back and meet the prostitute…

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