and they blame herself for what shes become

Nesta could feel the grey light of dawn pressing against her eyelids, but she refused to open them. Last night had not been what she’d imagined. It had not been what she’d dreamt of or longed for…

But it had been perfect nonetheless.

She’d been sad and angry again, and Cassian had stayed with her, had walked her home after the meeting. He’d not gone to many meetings in the year since the war’s end, and they’d not spoken much in the weeks since Starfall—when he’d left her, crying and alone and hollow in the entryway of her small apartment.

But yesterday had been the anniversary of her mother’s death. A date Feyre was too young to recall, a date Elain was too medial to look back on, a date Nesta was too old to forget.

So Nesta remembered. Because Nesta always remembered. Because Nesta remembered everything even if she wanted to forget.

Because someone had to remember.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I know that Sebastian's Ciel is confirmed to be a boy, but I don't know if the cultist's Ciel is also a boy, Could it be that the manga is running parralell to the 2014 live action Kuroshitsuji movie, in which the "Ciel Phantomhive" was a girl disguised as a boy, to be head of her family. Is that also what the cultist's Ciel is doing? And in the manga, Madam Red shouted out "This "child" is my . . . " before she was killed off by Grell Sutcliff. Wasn't that a suspicious thing to say?

Nah, I’m pretty sure that the twin is male, too. I really see no reason to believe otherwise. He always looked the same as our Ciel, was dressed in the same clothes (for boys), is engaged to Lizzy and I don’t see any reason why Vincent would want to hide a daughter if there’s also a son (our Ciel) if it’s a matter of wanting a male successor – something that may not even be that important since Claudia was the Watchdog, too. So no, I don’t think the twin could be female.

As for Madam Red’s words, I’m not quite sure myself. She saw her sister in our Ciel and despite everything that she had done, Madam Red couldn’t kill her nephew who she loved.

Maybe – with the revelation of the twin’s existence now – Madam Red realized that our Ciel wasn’t the real Ciel but his twin. This is really just a thought that’s coming to me right now and it doesn’t have to be true but maybe Madam Red preferred our Ciel out of the two twins. He was the weaker one, he was like Rachel. And he was destined to not become Earl and not inherit Vincent’s possessions. Madam Red may have seen herself in him since she also didn’t get what she wanted (Vincent, children,…).

But since our Ciel came back as ‘Ciel’ Madam Red thought her favorite child (who she may have thought of as a substitute for her own child) had died. Maybe she blamed ‘Ciel’ for it; Ciel who looked like Vincent and always reminded her of what she couldn’t have; maybe she referred to the real Ciel when she said these words:

But when she wanted to kill him she noticed that this ‘Ciel’ in front of her didn’t look like Vincent but like her sister Rachel and she may have realized that this was indeed not the real Ciel but his twin – Madam Red’s favorite twin. And maybe that’s why she couldn’t kill him and came to her senses.

So her last words may have been something like “This child is my…. nephew, favorite, son?…” I don’t know and maybe that’s not it at all. I mean, I don’t think Madam Red hated one of the twins and loved the other all this time. But I could imagine her having a favorite. And in this situation where she snapped anyway this may have let to such extreme feelings. Madam Red kept all her true feelings hidden so long and all of this led her to become a murderer. So she may have also idolized one twin while loading all the guilt on the other.

Privileged (21/?)

Originally posted by bellamyblvk

“With the remaining Ark citizens lives at stake because of Finn - a few of the 100 become divided. *yn* is forced to go against her friends beliefs and finds herself defending the last person she ever thought she would.” 

Warnings: Swearing, violence, death, little bit of angst 

Notes: Based on 2x08 “Spacewalker” of The 100.

Series Masterlist


“Have you spoken to Raven?”

“No - I’m pretty sure Abby’s got her under constant watch cause of that black eye she gave Byrne.” *yn* spoke sarcastically, crossing her arms in front of her as she spoke.

“I don’t blame her for getting so riled up, those people have no right to decide what happens to Finn. Neither do the grounders for that matter.” Bellamy growled bitterly as he thought about the news the camp had received about Lexa’s demand. 

“Mm.” *yn* hummed, only half listening as she replayed the last few hours events in her mind.

Keep reading

2

God this says so, so much about Touka and where she’s been coming from over the last several years.

It really emphasizes how dangerous it was for her to be going on a warpath after Hinami’s mother was killed, and how huge it was of Ayato to take over her identity. She was right on the verge of becoming her father, but her brother saved her. 

But then for her to turn around and see Kaneki doing it the same exact thing…? How could she not blame herself! So she did everything she could at the time both to stop him AND protect herself from being abandoned by someone she cares about again. 

Inevitably, neither worked. She saw the damage violence does, and over time has been working towards becoming the opposite of Arata: be up-front and honest with what you’re feeling, learn from the past and learn to forgive. 

Veronica mourning Heather Chandler because while she was not a good person she was still a friend and didn’t deserve to die, especially in the way she did. Veronica not being able to sleep or crying herself to sleep because she can’t deal with the secrets and the guilt she has trapped herself into.

Veronica, years after the fact, getting therapy (and though she doesn’t confess during her therapy, she still manages to talk about the issue… i.e. saying she’s blaming the death(s) on herself instead of admitting what she did) and trying so hard to be happy.

Veronica coming out of her shell enough to do something and becomes an advocate for recognizing toxic, abusive relationships (both platonic and romantic) and anti-bullying messages that don’t amount to “let the adults handle it”.

Veronica being happy and getting married and living a long life and occasionally needing to take a mental health day. But she’s alive and damn it if she isn’t going to do something to change the world.

anonymous asked:

Just wondering whether you think that 5.20 etc was planned or something they decided to do because of fan reaction? Thanks!

(I’m guessing by your use of ‘etc’ that you’re referring to Olicity’s progression?)

Not a chance. Hell no. The reunion has been 100% set in stone since before they broke up. @louiseblue1 and @jbuffyangel have explained it so well in the past, much better than I’m about to.

HOW they decided to do it, they figured out between May and August 2016, with a few addendum’s made by 5.05 was filmed. When they knew the time they wanted them to reunite (as in, at the end of a season)? Roughly when they filmed 4.16. I know there are some people who disagree, but I know the truth.

Want facts first?

Bullet point answers coming up:

-  The script for 5.19 was written before 5.14 even aired – which means they’d figured it out before the ruckus that episode 15 inspired.

-  They’ve known all season how much we dislike the LI’s: they still went ahead with them.

-  Before writing scripts for a season, they must first plan the season. Good novelists and fanfiction authors do the same for a story they know will last a while (I don’t and I suffer for it). They don’t have enough time to change things on the spot later on or mess about with the plot because of their tight schedule, which is why they write scripts for episodes that are roughly 4 episodes ahead of the ones being filmed. And then they have to make sure the episodes work with the narrative flows of the season. Advanced prep.

-  When 5.05 aired (an episode that was filmed before episode 1 aired), WM & MG both admitted that they wanted to explore Oliver and Felicity apart from each other for a bit FIRST. First. It implies that it isn’t forever. Just long enough for realisations to set in. And to drive the fandom insane.

-  Before the season started no one said they were over. Yet by season 2’s end and before season 3’s air date, WM was saying said that Oliver wouldn’t be getting back with LL or Sara because their relationships were based on the past and would never last. SA specifically said NO.

-  WM & MG have also said this season that there were a few stories they had left that they ONLY do if Oliver and Felicity weren’t together. It was the truth. Such as explore them with other people and see those relationships fail for a fundamental reason. As well as delving into Felicity’s changes and Oliver’s sin. His darkness. Facing himself. To find themselves before they can find each other.

-  This season was THE one where they could throw Olicity utterly through the blender as they explored other avenues. We didn’t have to like it but it has been implied enough times for us to know that it’s because once these two idiots get together, it’ll stick. Even through bad times. With many seasons to come - like Stephen said - they could afford to slow down.

-  Dig asked a question in episode 1 regarding Olicity that has yet to be answered because like each season there is something in the first episode that gets answered in the last. It hasn’t always been a question. It’s a device used to show progression, whether for good or bad.

Originally posted by timetravelersloth

(Now there are many themes and questions, I’m just picking one for each) Season 1: it delves right into making us wonder who Oliver Queen is, what his mission is and why. Who he’s become. And what it might cost. It ends with a man who is a survivor but not a hero, a man who tried and failed and the cost? Tommy.

Season 2: Can he be a hero in trying a different way? Answer: yes.

Season 3: It’s more of a choice than a question: The Arrow or Oliver Queen.

Season 4: Can Oliver and Felicity be together both romantically and professionally? Does Oliver have what it takes to be the light? Both answers are ‘not yet’. They’re both under a schism.

Season 5: is Felicity going to be part of Oliver’s future and can Oliver overcome what’s been hurting him for so long? Yes and yes.

With Felicity’s help.

It’s a question posed and meant to be answered by 5.23.

-  MG recently said in a tumblr answer that he and the writers view Olicity as much more than just a romance and that it was a very good thing. And it is: it means not only will they pay attention to them as a couple, they’ll give credence to the people they are. Who they’ve become. Felicity’s had more story this year than Laurel did season 1. They’re exploring her personality, whereas LL got thrown a bunch of cases to try and fail at solving and got passed around 2 men. In fact, in each season, Felicity’s story builds. THIS year, the show has explored Oliver more than anyone else but it was always with the goal in mind of truly making him a legend: the GA. This show has always been about him.

I just mentioned Laurel and season 1…

This season, in some ways, is like a fix-it. At least, it is for me. And I promise this ties into the question :)

In season 1, Oliver tried to honour his father and did so by taking his book of names of the members and associates of Tempest and making it a list of marks to hunt, intimidate, coerce or kill. To try and make Starling better this way.

Evil begets evil.

His main love interest was LL, who he’d betrayed; however, he spent the season trying – to a fashion – to find compatibility from a woman with the man he had become.

Helena was the connective thread to his darker side searching for redemption.

Mckenna was his desire for some normalcy: an ordinary, functional but caring relationship.

Laurel was his need to heal the past; to go back in time and once again be the man he used to be, the one everyone missed, the man who hadn’t made a dumbass decision that ended in death, terror and loss.

A man who couldn’t love Laurel because he was no longer the man she fell in love with. That man died in the ocean.

(To anyone who doesn’t like what I’ve just written, please re-watch episode 8: Oliver says this to a version of LL. An episode were he sees people he’s lost and feels guilt over loosing, the people he needs to leave behind because they’re haunting him. The people he couldn’t save because he wasn’t who they thought he was.)

A man who wasn’t a dutiful son. Or the amazing boyfriend who hadn’t slept around behind LL’s back. And he wasn’t Ollie. He’d never be Ollie again except to his sister. It takes 2 seasons for him to figure that out.

Right before the end of season 1, he gets the girl, aims to save the city and declares that - once he’s finished - maybe he won’t need to fight anymore.

By 1.23 he’s lost his best friend, any last chance with LL by CHOICE not circumstance, this is important, he doesn’t save the city and his mother is arrested.

What should have happened after season 1 – I’m going to focus particularly on LL – if a) Oliver wasn’t as damaged as we’ve found him out to be in season 5 and b) if KC as LL had worked, is this:

LL would have found out Oliver’s secret at the end of season 1. After Tommy’s death they would have slept other but he still would have left.

Oliver and LL would have spent up to, roughly, episode 14 of S2 being apart until they couldn’t take it anymore. Instead of sleeping with Sara, it would have been Laurel.

They’d be on and off throughout until the end of S3.

Instead of spending the whole of S2 being an addict and recovering: LL would have also been using boxing or martial arts etc to try to kick her habit and vent some of her anger and guilt at Tommy’s death. She would have become a definite target for Slade and there would have been more than one episode covering this. By the end of the season, Oliver would have started training her. Personally.

In its place, we got an LL who spent an entire season – this is going to sound super harsh - feeling sorry for herself and blaming everyone else but herself for her problems. I know that sounds bad but, she drank and popped pills to take away her pain because it was too much for her. THAT’S FINE. THAT’S UDNERSTANDABLE.

What isn’t fine, is making damn sure that whoever’s with her feels just as bad, if not worse, than she does.

Because she doesn’t just feel guilty, she feels entitled to pass judgement. As if her pain gives her a free pass. It gives no one else on the show a free pass so this isn’t a facet the audience can like.

The last time she does it is with Oliver: that argument in the hallway after she’s just hurt her father, mother, sister and ex all in one go. After she blamed Sara – like she did Oliver – for ‘ruining’ her life. For making every bad decision and every wrong turn shes made, the fault of someone else.

That’s when a character being an addict loses sympathy. The addict part isn’t a problem. It’s how the character affects the people around them. She improves afterwards but, that mark stays with her.

We accepted Thea’s drinking and substance abuse, even if she irritated us, even if she was horribly immature with it; it was understandable and acceptable. She was a teenager lashing out at the world. But they deliberately didn’t push too far with it. They did with LL. They being the writers etc.

They make her into a vigilante for her sister with some ‘I care about Oliver even though I disagree with everything he says and have become a vigilante for SARA yet - when it suits me – also because Ollie’s one too and if he can do it - even though I disagree with everything he does – then so can I’ thrown in.

Season 5 resembles this movement… but it twists it on its head and mends what was broken.

Oliver has resorted back to killing criminals, to being very much the vigilante of season 1. He’s in love with Felicity but can’t be with her because he’s hurt her terribly and there’s something fundamental that hasn’t mended. That hasn’t been fixed. Something in him.

Noticed the similarity with season 1?

He spends the season unconsciously working from the viewpoint that he is someone who infects others. Someone who killed his own happiness and didn’t save the people he cared for.

Tommy, his mother, his father, Laurel etc… Felicity’s presence by his side. She closed off her heart to him and that’s his fault.

But he tries, like in season 1, to build something. He – at Felicity’s behest – builds a bigger team. He tries to be the politician Star City deserves. He tries to move on and date. He tries not to succumb to the monster he was the year before he returned home. He tries to atone and move forwards.

Professionally he mostly succeeds. Personally, he utterly fails.

Rory has left by choice. Evelyn betrayed them by choice. Curtis has destroyed his marriage through choice.

Rene and Dinah are flourishing.

As a politician, he’s destroyed his legacy as the Arrow, even though he thought it the right choice: it’s hurt him and he doesn’t know how to come back from that.

He killed Billy, thereby once again, hurting Felicity and reminding him again that it isn’t the worst thing he’s done.

He settled for the first offer at a relationship that came along, from a woman who he knew initially thought little of him because he needed to prove to someone like that, that he wasn’t bad and could be better. And if he could convince someone like her – even as he lied and was subpar about them – then maybe, just maybe he could be worthy of more. Worthy of Felicity.

He now feels he was an idiot to even try and once he saw that for what he was, once he realised why he’d tried in the first place he dumped Snoozan in the coldest break up I’ve seen on TV in a long time.

He’s been forced to see why he destabilises everything in his life. He’s fallen to his lowest ever point.

And like with every season, Felicity will be the one to make him rise back up.

Originally posted by fponthedl

Originally posted by bookolicitynessa

Originally posted by felicitisqueen

Originally posted by thecwarrow

Originally posted by moan-s

Originally posted by jules85

Unlike season 1, Oliver and Felicity won’t have a quick 2-minute thing and then spend 3 episodes ignoring each other like he and LL had between 21 and 23 S1. 

Olicity had episode 19 to air out the big problem between them. She thinks he doesn’t trust her and he has no idea how to tell her the truth because once he does he thinks he’ll lose her love forever. They’ll have 5.20 to circle back round to each other, to have Oliver explain why he’s been acting the way he’s been acting and have Felicity be openly vulnerable to him. 5.22 it’s his b-day party and 5.23 they all end up on Lian Yu.

Not city wide attack, no loss of a best friend (Diggle), no loss of a love that’s his life and his always and his future.

Perspective will be gained as will a new life. He’ll let go of the rope around his neck: his promise to his father. He’ll FINALLY step off the island. He’ll have the girl who completes him to help him and him, her.

THEY COULDN’T MASH THIS UP TOGETHER IN WEEKS OF PANIC OVER THE OUTCRY OF FANS.

They would never - EVER - give THIS much simply for fan-service. It’s far too much.

Originally posted by gif-007

They aren’t that stupid. A waste of money, time and resources on pleasing some fans.

Ah, no.

Look, we know fans have some power. We know that. They listen to what we like and if enough people like something, they either look at it more closely or it’s given credence.

But it isn’t their motivation for action. And the CW guys, the directors, the producers, Warner Br’s etc: they make calls that we don’t know about BEFORE fan reactions even occur. Before they we loved Felicity, THEY fell on love with her first and asked her to be brought on for more episodes.

By seeing the scripts for season 2 and 3, we’ve had it confirmed that all the small moments between them over season 1 and 2 were created with an epic romance in mind. The break up has been coming since the beginning. We all know LL was the original LI, until they watched the pilot before it aired and realised they couldn’t re-cast their female lead.

Originally posted by ahappypace

The break up and the space between Oliver and Felicity has been deliberate and something they’ve been planning for a long time. As is their reunion. As is Oliver’s rise to glory.

All of this, the romance, has all been about Oliver becoming the GA. It has NOTHING to do with fan reaction.

Take a brief look at season 4’s narrative cues first:

They’re together, moving in with each other and getting married. All in 9 episodes. Wow. At the time I didn’t notice the speed but looking back at it, I’m super stunned I didn’t see the it until it was too late.

They rushed their progress to break them up. To give them lots of time to live differently without each other. I’ve already posted that I believe they’re aiming for 5 more seasons to reflect on the first 5. It had nothing to do with whether whoever makes the decisions likes Olicity or not; it was a piece of the story. They realised they were going to get more than 5 seasons – A LOT more. Revealing this secret child and having them work through that was probably going to happen all in one season. Until the glorious news of more seasons.

So, then they have that scene in 4.16 where Felicity says to Oliver that he would always be on that island and that, though she loves him and wants to be with him, he’ll always resort to being that person. To the man created in those 5 years away. The kind of fiancé who would make the kind of choices that would leave the ones he loves bereft, even if that wasn’t his intention. The man she loves who could one day simply leave her, because of a choice he might make.

It’s a progressive point: something for him to aim to beat. A wall to climb over. And some walls are really high and terrifying to scale.

They’re at a stale mate and a cross roads and to be honest, I understand why. As much as the patience they asked of us is wearing very thin, I get why it took so long.

They couldn’t get back together in season 4 because Felicity was right: eventually he’ll make a decision that will ruin them. And she needed to face her demons. Until he could understand himself, understand what lies at the root of his decisions, they were null.

And Oliver… well he’s the king at burying what hurts. It’s very characteristic of his character to take a full season to GET IT.

This is the core of season 5. His evolution. Stepping past that and becoming the hero Felicity has seen in him since day one.

And yet he hasn’t managed to do this without her. 

Originally posted by seeing-red-arrow

She’s a pinnacle piece of his puzzle. Their break up is at the root of what’s hurting him.

Most of his choices this season have ended in failure and/or pain. The things he’s doing as the mayor, how he’s resorted to killing once again, then openly renouncing the GA without discussing it with his team, dating SW and then dumping her like she was nothing (she was and he knows it which is why he doesn’t understand why he dated her: it was because he was lonely btw), they’ve been based on an underlying principal that he is this bad person who destroys the goodness around him. He went in search of something to prove that wrong… what he found was much worse. He found the truth: or a partial truth.

Being alone hasn’t helped him: it’s simply made him see what he was denying for years. In a very real way, it is a sickness.

But honestly, he was never EVER going to understand himself fully, was never going to see the missing pieces without Felicity Smoak.

Originally posted by ataleofthousandsplendidships

I believe 5.20 will be about this: about the revelation in 5.17 and Felicity showing him that there might be a different way to see this.

The way they’ve filmed the episode tells me they’ve put a good deal of thought and MEANING into it.

It’s sounding like the Olicity episode to end all other episodes: they’re in each scene together. It’s been made so that Felicity has to depend on him, something she’s been deliberately not doing all season. It will be brutally honest, gut wrenching and heart-warming MAYBE OTHER THINGS. 

Originally posted by allreactions

Now, WITHOUT proof, why would they do all that just to tide over a fan-base?

If the narrative flow to Olicity and their reunion wasn’t obvious to some people it’s because they were either too close to the subject or too angry at their break up. I get why. It was a crappy breakup and the length of time we’ve had to wait for the pendulum to swing back around has been almost too much – but they could never get back together until Oliver is at his lowest, until he is at a place he can fully open like he’s never been before. 

All because of her, because she’s changing his world view of her and it is certainly not in any bad way. 

And in doing this - in confessing to the one person he’s most afraid to confess to - he’ll free himself of a burden AND have what is likely going to be an amazing response from the woman he loves. Something to give him hope: a different point of view. Maybe it’s that simple. It’ll connect to their breakup. It ALL connects.

They’re tying up 5 years of story in 5 episodes, but there will be a focus on his secrets (William/his break up with Felicity) and his loose ends (the return of some major villains etc).

She’s been through something now, and she sees him in a different light — and he also sees her in a different light. There’s a lot more mutual understanding, and even though I think it’s hard to top the mutual respect they already have for each other, that goes up as well.” 

WM said this and do you see how brilliant that is?

That they’re creating a couple who no one can stand against, a couple who love, respect and admire each other the most out of everyone. A couple who understand each other enough that their future encounters are bound to fascinate us.

Like someone once said, they’re the DNA that make Arrow what it is. The essential make up now of the show.

Fan-service, they will never be. They were decided BEFORE we wanted them by Warner Bro’s, CW, the directors etc.

(DID I GO ON, OR DID I GO ON? I DO APOLOGISE)

anonymous asked:

About Touka, I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on her unnatural selfless love and the foil with mutsuki. I was always thinking it was strange that her character developed so much off screen; do you think there is potential for more Touka character development? Also, what are your thoughts about her eventual death (will it get postponed at least for a while so her character develops more)?

What, who said anything about Touka dying?

A few characters developed a great deal offscreen between Tg and :Re. It happens in mostly believable ways, so I don’t think particularly even Touka’s example is surprising. Ayato went from this to this after all.

Keep reading

Yandere (ish) Song Masterlist - Vocaloid Edition (part 2)

You asked for it, and it’s finally here! Part one of this list can be found here and my non/Vocaloid list can be found here

Specimen Girl (Kamui Gakupo)

With those beautiful eyes,

Only look at me, always;

Only you, from now on and always,

I won’t let you leave my side;

After all, you are mine.

Gakupo’s beautiful voice narrates the story of a *quite obsessive lover* who decides to punish the girl he loved because of her unfaithfulness. He chooses then to dismember and study her body, with the ending linking to a possible suicide of our main character. Romantic, isn’t it?

Sweet Shackles (Gumi)

I wonder, what will I do now?

But nothing will stop me;

Not many can do a beautiful wedding proposal,

A night filled with love,

I will follow the passions,

And tonight will be a memorable night;

The little giggles, screams and spoken rants really add a special touch to this passion-filled love song. Also, the fact that Gumi is holding a rope throughout most of the video, implying either a double suicide or plain restraint, is a creepy but surely enjoyable factor.

Rip = Release (Megurine Luka)

Don’t tell me a shallow lie for comfort; […]

Even if I overflow with tears many times,

Pain can never be my friend,

I want to rip apart and release your throat, right now,

And so I will keep you only for myself.

Don’t you just love the fact that the first song sung by Luka is a bit of yandere one? Somehow related to Spice, my main interpretation of this song is the thought of a love affair where one of the parts wants to be something more than just that and can’t stand to see the other with other girls. But no matter how many times she’s let down by him, she still wants him all to herself, and falls for him every time. I feel this song a lot  - If I had to suggest the best way to fully understand this is, however, watching the video for the short version.

Monopolized Romance (Hatsune Miku)

Look at me, more, more,

Because I’ll get rid of that kind of woman, now hurry;

I’ll give you happiness, as long as you’re by my side,

Because all those who bothered are no longer here,

Now we have nothing to worry about, right?

We’re getting to the deep stuff! This is the perfect example of the possessive\obsessive yandere type, who keeps her beloved close to herself and kills all the people who try to get between them.

Confinement, Training, Beef Stew (Hatsune Miku)

It’s pointless to try to get rid of me,

I could make a key and get in;

When you’ll get home,

I’ll stab you with a knife and tie you up;

This song is every Vocaloid songwriter’s nightmare; Our poor Miku feels betrayed and used, since she feels like her producer doesn’t want her to sing anymore and treats her like an object. She chooses to tie them up and make them starve, until she gets what she wants, and gets her revenge in the end by…Well…Read the title again…

Eh? Oh, That’s Right (?)

Huh? “You don’t love me”?

AHAH, I don’t think so! 

You told me that, during all this time,

“I love you- ah! Drop that weapon!” […]

I will not let you go,

So, hey, are you ready?

I couldn’t find an English translation of this song or actually any information about it, so I had to do it myself; I don’t even think it’s a Vocaloid song at this point. Some mistakes might be featured in what I wrote above, please forgive me. Anyways this song is pure yandere insanity, just how you like it. 

You’re Seriously Mad? I’m not Mistaken Here (Mayu)

Wait, are you mad? 

Are you seriously upset?

Why do you keep getting in the way?

There’s nothing wrong in what I’m doing;

I dearly want to see you…

Hey, look, I’m right here behind you! 

Coming off as a sequel to An Earnest Unrequited Love, this song centers around Mayu facing the fact that her beloved person might not like her attitude or her creepy ways of expressing her love, considering her obsessive and over protective. But I wouldn’t make her mad, if I were in their place. 

The Day I Die (Ruby)

I think about you wherever I go,

You made me a mess, and they already know;

Bittersweet obsession;

Is this my confession? […]

You are my daydream, you are my nightmare;

“This song takes quite a different turn once you notice the blood on Ruby’s shirt"-q. a comment that perfectly summarizes the song. Te tune is cute and sounds like little charming bells sometimes. Adorable.

Crystalline (Gumi)

I left behind all that I used to be,

So that you could stay with me;

And you’ve become everything that I need for my sanity;

How can something so enticing

Have such awful side effects?

When love becomes addiction. Has some of my favorite Vocaloid quotes.

Uninstall (Kaito)

I have finally realized what to do

To make you look at me only;

Uninstall, uninstall,

You don’t need anyone other than me, right?

So, for the others, I will just […]

With these hands of mine, I will remove them all;

Similar to Yandelenka and Scissorloid, this song features a main character, Kaito, who doesn’t want to share his master\songwriter with other Vocaloids, and decides to murder them all. The piano tune is delightfully sad.

Candy Drops (Gumi)

“Don’t be fooled by the person on your side”

All this time, I’ve always been looking at you; […]

If it’s for your sake, I’ll do everything;

All those who are in my way, 

I’ll make them disappear;

A+ yandere. A self-conscious Gumi is afraid to confess her love to her crush, who seems to ignore the hints she’s throwing, since she’s aware of what her feelings might lead her to.

Sunset Love Suicide (Gumi)

Because I loved you so much, 

I gave you everything I treasured; […]

However, it seems the number of people who love you has increased,

In order that you won’t be snatched away from me, 

We should better die together.

Committing a double suicide to make sure they never cheat on you is one of the most sweet and romantic things to do on a date (also this song was made by Machigerita, the same person who made Rotten Girl Grotesque Romance!)

Forever and Ever, and Ever, and Ever (Hatsune Miku)

Still, that everything belongs to me.

So forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever,

Forever and ever stalking around; […]

Let’s be like this, forever and ever, and ever, and ever,

Isn’t it right?

Catchy, bloody and lovesick! This is how I’d describe this song, that gives us a perfect example of how to portrait a yandere character, who doesn’t seem to realize how dangerous a knife can be in her hands while love is possessing her brain. Plus, Miku looks adorable in her red, bloodstained school uniform.

Saw and Pendulum (Hatsune Miku)

I will love you, I will support you,

I will save you;

The sad thing about your body, is that it’s weak,

It’s fragile, it shatters into pieces;

The only certain thing that kept me satisfied 

Was the fact that you belonged to me;

Whispered over a metal base as the creepiest lullaby of all time, this song rotates around the thoughts of a yandere who might have been a little too rough on the person she loved. But who could blame her, human bodies are so fragile!

Copycat (Gumi)

Day by day, everything has changed;

We’ve grown apart this time,

I can’t figure out the reason why;

“It’s funny how much I’d kinda like to see you cry”; […]

I’ve become what you like,

I am what you wanted, right?

Not *exactly* yandere, but I felt it could fit on this list (I say this all the time, I know, I know.). This beautiful song is extremely relatable, and features a lovestruck main character, a perfectly tuned Gumi, who is ready to change herself in order to please the person she loves, resulting in nothing but scaring them. Love is too hard, we all understand Gumi, don’t we?

Bird Cage (Megurine Luka)

I was always beside you,

My feelings are getting through, right?

I was always beside you,

Don’t embrace me with that kind of eyes;

It hurts to be with somebody else,

She within laughs;

This song expresses how the feelings of our character started to overflow, and how her “yandere” part emerged and locked her more innocent side up inside her brain. 

Love Disease (Megurine Luka)

Who’s that girl beside you? I’ve never seen her before;

I felt something snap in my gnarled heart; […]

I can’t hold back my raging jealousy anymore,

I’ve reached the limit of my self control,

Time to put a stop to this!

The story revolves around our Luka, who spends every day stalking her crush until she finds out there’s another girl in their life. Shocked and raging, she will embrace her feelings and put an end to the situation. The melody is stunning and has some pretty cool and creepy lyrics!

Jealous (Kagamine Rin)

I received the vow,

That I had been the one to love more than anybody else;

Do you understand that this is a promise anyone can make?

The same line said by that child,

But lying is not good;

Who doesn’t hate being put aside and having important promises being broken? Rin knows something about this sort of situation, when a new “child” seems to steal everyone’s attention from her.

You’re Mine (Kagamine Rin)

She claims she loves you so dearly,

When it’s me who loves you more, clearly;

Can’t you see? 

I’m doing this for you;

All because my love for you is true;

Inspired by the popular game Yandere Simulator, this song is 100% pure yandere-ness. It was quite hard to choose which part of the lyrics to add to the list.

Break the Wrist All the Way to the Bone (Sukone Tei)

I know everything about you,

Though you don’t know about me yet;

Look this way, darling,

Can’t you see I’m straining my eyes on you?

There’s no need to be embarrassed, darling,

Our relationship is already past that stage;

You know what’s romantic? Wanting your loved one to have your broken arm bones as a sign of eternal love.

Love Love Love Love Love (Hatsune Miku)

I love you! I love you! I love you!

Love you, love you, love you, love you, come on,

How can you still not see me?

What are you doing now?

I still have received no reply;

I couldn’t find an English translation, so I apologize for any mistakes. Anyways, this song is a totally valid love confession from a yandere to her senpai. Somebody notice her, please.

Don’t Leave! My Prince (Sukone Tei)

I will never let you go, don’t look at that girl! […]

Do you think she’s cute? Uhm? No, it’s fine,

But… Why do you walk side by side? As if you were good friends?

That’s enough for me! That’s… We love each other so much…

Am I right? Answer me!

Now, this is what I call a yandere song. It may seem exaggerated, but I truly think this is the best example of how to depict a yandere character. It starts with a cute, cheerful, bubbly love message, before twisting into pure insanity once the yandere starts to feel betrayed; trying a dupstep approach to this type of character is a perfect choice, and the spoken\distorted parts are absolutely chill-worthy. Bonus points for the sound effects of shattered glass. It’s the embodiment of the yandere trope in a song. Probably the best one so far!


Thanks to everyone who enjoys my playlists! Lots of love\

anonymous asked:

Why give rika a good ending? she doesn't deserve it

Okay, anon… I understand where you’re coming from. Yes, Rika did some pretty bad, disgusting stuff in her life. However, that does not mean that she is 100% not worthy of any sort of redemption.

I’m going to probably end up doing some sort of long analysis on Rika here, so stick by me…

Note: THERE WILL BE SPOILERS FOR THE SECRET ENDINGS IN THIS.

Keep reading

A good heart. I have a good heart.

Sansa felt as though she were in a dream. “Joffrey is dead,” she told the trees, to see if that would wake her.

He had not been dead when she left the throne room. He had been on his knees, though, clawing at his throat, tearing at his own skin as he fought to breathe. The sight of it had been too terrible to watch, and she had turned and fled, sobbing. Lady Tanda had been fleeing as well. “You have a good heart, my lady,” she had said to Sansa. “Not every maid would weep so for a man who set her aside and wed her to a dwarf.”

A good heart. I have a good heart. Hysterical laughter rose up in her gullet […] Why was she crying, when she wanted to dance?

Sansa’s repetition of Lady Tanda’s words you have a good heart point out the contrast between her appearing to grieve for Joffrey and her feeling of freedom because of his death. The implication here is that Lady Tanda would not say that Sansa had a good heart if she knew the truth: that Sansa was not grieving Joffrey’s death and instead was acting out her escape plan. This is, I think, what Sansa is thinking when she “laughs hysterically” at Lady Tanda’s comment, because she’s been brought up to be lady, always kind and courteous no matter how much abuse she faces. Sansa has long wished for Joffrey’s death, but she would never say so out loud, not only because she’s been living with the enemy in King’s Landing and such thoughts would be considered treason, but because ladies are not supposed to have such thoughts. Sansa does have thoughts of revenge, although she imagines Robb as the one committing the violence instead of killing Joff herself. Sansa is an abuse victim who has long wished her abusers dead but who has been taught that she must suppress these thoughts, and she has also been convinced that she is not a good person, that she is responsible for her father’s death and for her own abuse. She doesn’t really understand her reaction to Joffrey’s death, she doesn’t know why she is crying because of something that she feels she should find joy in, and she tries to rationalize it by thinking about Robb’s death and how Joffrey’s death is justice.

Sansa has been brought up with the idea that ladies are supposed to be kind. They are not supposed to want revenge. They are supposed to weep at the sight of violence. They are supposed to remain kind and pure even through all of the abuse they have suffered. Abuse victims who don’t do this are labeled as bad people. Sansa has every right to want Joffrey dead, though, and her celebration of his death does not mean that she isn’t a good person. But she’s spent so long having to hide her true feelings that she’s confused by what she feels when she finally does see Joffrey get his comeuppance.

Also, I love that Sansa “told the trees” about Joffrey’s death. It’s mostly that she’s in shock but how very Stark of her to talk to the trees in the godswood about Joffrey’s murder.

So much of Sansa’s narrative is about struggling against the purity culture that she’s been told defines her and dictates how she should act. This leads to blaming herself for the abuse she suffers and feelings that she has become defective or impure because of what other people have done to her. I know “porcelain, ivory, steel” is often interpreted to be about Sansa becoming stronger but when she says this she’s in shock, and the transition from porcelain, a breakable material often associated with dolls, to ivory, rare and valuable and wild, to steel, something meant for hammering and not at all associated with ladies, underscores her awareness that she is more than a beautiful doll and her feelings of shame that she is no longer that beautiful doll, she’s seen too much of what the world is really like to be that anymore.

The snow drifted down and down, all in ghostly silence, and lay thick and unbroken on the ground. All color had fled the world outside. It was a place of whites and blacks and greys. White towers and white snow and white statues, black shadows and black trees, the dark grey sky above. A pure world, Sansa thought. I do not belong here.

The black and white world of her stories no longer fits Sansa’s conception of herself. She feels utterly displaced from who she is. She has become steel, though, and the rest of her narrative will deal with how she reshapes herself.

Please consider Shiro's mom

mjmaxs submitted:

Shiro’s mom being in the military. Shiro’s mom being 25. Shiros mom being 6'2 and super strong. Shiro’s mom, being a stone cold hard ass, and not knowing how to show her love for her son. Shiro’s mom losing her husband to a drunk driver before she found out she was pregnant with Shiro and trying her best to raise her son with out any help.

Shiro’s mom accidentally attacking her own son when she has a flash back; she cried for hours silently in her room. Shiro’s mom being diagnosed with ptsd. Shiro’s mom always going to her son’s sports games, and cheering Shiro on. Shiro’s mom baking him cookies for after the games.

Shiro’s mom not knowing how to show that she’s proud of her son for making it in to the galaxy garrison. Shiro’s mom blabbering to her coworkers about how proud she is of her son. Shiro’s mom working hard to keep her ptsd and depression under the radar so she can continue to provide for her son. Shiro’s mom suffering silently and alone in the background. Shiro’s mom thinking about her husband and how proud he would be. Shiro’s mom being tough as fucking nails.

Shiro’s mom being 50 yrs old with black hair that’s just starting to grey. Shiro’s mom still being a cold hardass. Shiro’s mom being the commander. Shiro’s mom being the one to chose him for the Kerberos mission. Shiro’s mom watching the video of her son being taken by the galra over and over again. Shiro’s mom taking it in to her own hands and going to Kerberos her self with a few others to find out just what the fuck happened. Shiro’s mom blaming herself for what happened.

Shiro’s mom being taken by the galra, and forced to play in the gladiators games. Shiro’s mom being a bad ass bitch and becoming the new champion. Shiro’s mom meeting Zarkon for the first time and punch that “ turtle faced bitch” in the face. Zarkon sending her Of to be reeducated, but instead voltron comes in and saves her unknowingly.

Shiro’s mom crying at the fact that her son is FUCKING ALIVE AND SOME WHAT IN ONE PIECE. SHIRO’S MOM HOLDING HIM AND SOBBING ABOUT HOW PROUD SHE IS AND HOW HIS FATHER WOULD BE SO PROUD. Shiro’s mom finding out what happened to her son during the year he went missing, and getting angry. Shiro’s mom being the one to put zarkon in a coma after she falcon punches him in the face screaming “THIS IS FOR MY SON, YOU PURPLE TURTLE FACED SON OF A BITCH”. Shiro’s mom baking cookies for everyone back in the castle. The other paladins calling her Space Grandma, and shiro’s mom absolutely loving it.

Thank you


P L E A S E     C O N S I D E R

Samurai Jack: XCV Review

Originally posted by nakamatoo

Hey guys Kris here, now I’m not going to lie but I gotta admit that was a pretty good joke from Adult Swim last week, airing nothing but the newest episode of Rick and Morty all night long. With that being said, DON’T EVER DO THAT SHIT AGAIN ADULT SWIM… any way onto the review.

As most of us predicted Ashi is in fact alive and both Jack and herself get swallowed by some gigantic monster. Now Jack has to find a way out while not only constantly saving Ashi’s life but making sure she doesn’t kill him behind his back. Overall this a very fun episode with a pretty heart warming ending.

First off I again have to gush about the about the art, again it is simply gorgeous. With them getting swallowed by such a huge beas we get treated to a brand new environment that reminds me so much seeing those bioluminescent animals from those deep sea expeditions. Especially with the different kinds of animals they encounter and the use of neon colors.

But of course the highlight of the episode is the interactions between Jack and Ashi. After their battle and hearing Ashi’s threats he realizes that Ashi is just some poor girl who was brainwashed into believing Jack was the evil one and not Aku. She so gone that she doubles over in laughter at the fact Jack might die after getting swallowed even though she herself was eaten too. It’s also comedic in just how Jack is dealing with Ashi’s rants, it’s good to see some lightheartedness from Jack again.

Before Jack thought that these girls chose this path to walk but now he knows that there were just misguided people, Jack himself blames for what these girls have become and in a way he’s not wrong, considering they were born specifically to kill Jack. So Jack takes it upon himself to set Ashi straight, almost like a parent dealing with a hard headed child. 

Originally posted by astross-aqcualigus

I also feel that Jack sees that helping Ashi get redeemed might in a way redeem himself. Jack’s been a very dark place over the past 50 years, to the point where he would ignore people who possibly might need his help to even considering committing seppuku. He sees a possibility of changing Ashi for the better especially considering how much the parallel and contrast each other. 

Though it’s not going to be easy, with Ashi’s constant threats and attempts on his life plus his own subconscious telling him to just leave her for dead Jack has some work ahead of himself. But by the end at least there’s hope for Ashi, she starting to see the difference between how her mother treated her and compare it too what true kindness is from Jack.

So that’s all i gotta say, another episode that I really don’t have any problems with, with stellar art work, and great interactions between Jack and Ashi this was an all around great episode. Now I’m just anxious to see what the future lies for Ashi and can't’ wait to see where the relationship between Jack  and Ashi. So until then see you guys next week… unless Adult Sim tries to be funny again, PEACE :)

WATCH OUT!


P.S. Looks like our favorite Scottsman is back :)

It feels so normal now, the feeling of wanting to die.

August 9, 2015 | 10:24 pm

I moved in to my new condo yesterday. My roommate is asleep right now, so i did 4 cuts on my wrist. I don’t know why exactly, I just felt like I needed the relief because last night when me and my friends had dinner, I wasn’t really in a good mood. I was feeling down and drowsy so I just kept quiet. My friends didn’t ask what was wrong. It was okay though. Because I don’t know what the answer is either.

My dad called me earlier too. I was so happy about it. He told me what was happening with work. I told him about how I was doing too. It was great!

Also, I read my sister’s diary. It says that she blames herself for what I’ve become. Because she was the one who taught me how to cut in the first place. I don’t blame her though. I wanted it. It just makes me feel so depressed knowing that she blames herself for what’s happening to me. I don’t want her feeling like this because it’s actually my fault and I love her. 

Also, I already got diagnosed. I have Bipolar 2 mood disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. I wasn’t surprised. I guess weeks of being troubled that something is wrong with me got me ready for what’s coming. I accepted it already. 

My impulsivity of committing suicide still hasn’t gone. Like the other day, i have all my pills and I impulsively wanted to swallow it all for no specific reason. I just wanted to die. But then a friend from Tumblr messaged me coincidentally so I stopped and realized what I was doing. He practically saved my life.

It feels so normal now, the feeling of wanting to die. Like one moment that I impulsively want to jump off our building, I’d do it. That’s what my psychiatrist is afraid of. I told her to trust me that I wouldn’t do it. It was a lie. I don’t even trust myself. She told me she trusts me, but she doesn’t trust my mood. I don’t trust my mood either. So whatever happens, happens. I learned not to care for myself so far.

School’s starting on Tuesday. Let’s see what happens. Still nervous as hell and I still haven’t done what I’m supposed to do. I’m gonna design a recording studio for my Interior Design class. So i don’t know.

xoxo,

-L

Guilt and Forgiveness in Outlander

The Nettles

It’s one of the more famous––or infamous––scenes in Dragonfly in Amber and one that the show largely avoided: the nettles scene. While the show kept a bit of the difficult reunion and reconciliation between Jamie and Claire, mostly in the form of some of the dialogue, they chose not to depict the more problematic scene in which Claire asks Jamie to physically punish her for sleeping with Louis in order to gain Jamie’s release from the Bastille. Personally, I am in the camp that it’s more than a little unsettling that Claire would ask Jamie to beat her with nettles when she made such a (justifiable) fuss over the strapping he gave her in the previous book. But I can largely overlook this because of the emotional underpinnings of what’s going on as Jamie and Claire find their way back to each other in the wake of the betrayals and loss surrounding Jamie’s duel with BJR and Claire’s miscarriage. 

As I discussed a little in my last Guilt and Forgiveness post (and in response to quite a few anons and asks that followed), Claire at least partially blames Jamie and his duel for the loss of Faith and elements of that blame play a role in her seeking the audience with Louis and acceptance of the price he’ll charge for Jamie’s freedom. But in some of those moments when the blame she projects onto Jamie is articulated, she also expresses guilt for her role in that loss; she blames herself for going to the woods when she knew there was likely nothing she could do and when she knew that her pregnancy was becoming difficult and dangerous. Following Fergus’ revelation about what had provoked Jamie into taking action against BJR, Claire begins to forgive Jamie though she remains outwardly harsh when he first returns and confronts her in the garden at Fontainebleau. 

I would argue that Claire’s initial lie to Jamie about what happened when she went to Versailles and met with Louis is the point at which she has fully forgiven Jamie; that her lie is not because she doesn’t trust him or can’t forgive him but because she has yet to completely forgive herself. When the scene shifts to Jamie and Claire bonding alone together outdoors (stripped of their clothes as they work on stripping away the barriers that their grief and miscommunications have built between them), Jamie has also already forgiven Claire without yet forgiving himself for what he has done. It can seem like a lot of this scene plays into Claire needing Jamie to forgive her for transgressing against him in sleeping with another man––and with good reason since that’s the language Claire relies on in expressing herself and the guilt she feels––but this last time I read through the scene, it struck me that it’s not sleeping with Louis Claire feels guilty about; it’s the anger and especially her desire to hurt Jamie by sleeping with Louis she has yet to forgive herself for (it’s a desire which isn’t the main reason she sleeps with Louis so that is still a case of rape). What hurts Jamie and Claire most is seeing the other hurt (physically and/or emotionally); the guilt that stems from being the one to inflict that hurt is, consequently, one of the greatest they feel and so those acts become the hardest for them to forgive themselves for committing. 

When she first confesses after Jamie admits he knows she’s lying, she emphasizes: 

“If I told you that I had let Louis… you would have asked about it. I thought you couldn’t forget… maybe you could forgive me, but you’d never forget, and it would always be there between us[…] I was afraid…[…] Afraid I’d tell you why I did it[…] But then… and afterward… I half-hoped someone would tell you, that you’d find out. I was so angry, Jamie[…] I wanted to do something to drive you away, to make sure I never saw you again. I did it… partly… because I wanted to hurt you

So much of their relationship rests on the trust they place in one another. While the physical act of sleeping with the king is something Claire sees as forgivable, the betrayal of trust––her desire to hurt Jamie through her actions––is something she’s afraid he won’t be able to forget, that the trust he had placed in her is gone. 

Jamie’s response to her lie is similarly rooted in his fears that he has lost her trust. He had given her his word that he would wait to confront BJR and broke his word. He feels the weight of everything that might have stemmed from that action and is terrified that she won’t be able to forget his betrayal; while he didn’t want to hurt her with his actions and could not have foreseen the full extent of what would happen (the miscarriage and Claire having to go to Louis to secure his freedom), he did know that fighting BJR would cause her pain (the possible loss of Frank, the danger to himself) and he did it anyway. So when he realizes that she lied to him, he worries that, while she may have forgiven him for the duel and understand that he was protecting/avenging Fergus, she won’t be able to forget the breach of trust. He looks at the parallels between her encounter with Louis and his own ordeal at the hands of BJR because he knows the shame, the humiliation, the emotional turmoil that go with being in that situation (and he blames himself for her having to experience any degree of what he did in Wentworth). 

“You took me to your breast and cherished me. You healed me, instead. You loved me, in spite of it[…] I thought, maybe, that I could bring myself to do that for you, as you did it for me. And that is why I came to Fontainebleau, at last[…] Then when ye told me that nothing had happened––for a bit, I believed you, because I wanted to so much. But then… I could tell, Claire. I couldna hide it from myself, and I knew you had lied to me. I thought you wouldna trust me to love you, or… that you had wanted him, and were afraid to let me see it[…] Ye said you wanted to hurt me. Well, the thought of you lying with the King hurt[…] But the knowledge that ye thought ye couldna trust me to love you is like waking from the hangman’s noose to feel the gutting knife sunk in my belly”

The “betrayal” that the other superficially seeks forgiveness for is painful for them to contemplate––Claire in bed with Louis, Jamie dueling BJR––but the deeper pain is the fear of trust lost, especially trust lost due to their own actions, due to intentionally (and unintentionally) causing the other pain. Though Jamie and Claire have a relatively easy time forgiving the other for physical and emotional transgressions committed against themselves, they both have a much harder time forgiving themselves for the emotional transgressions they see themselves as having committed against the other, especially when those transgressions threaten the trust they share. (I really hope that last sentence makes sense).

Going back to the nettles scene, despite the fact that the nettles are textually linked to unfaithful wives, Claire’s desire for punishment at the hands of Jamie stems not from Jamie needing to beat her in order to be even/to forgive her but because she still hasn’t forgiven herself for wanting to hurt him. It’s clear from the scene as it unfolds that neither of them is quite sure how to forgive themselves but they do seem to know that it requires involving the other. 

I wished desperately for some way to break the silence that parted us; some act that could restore the lost truth between us[…] Better violence, I thought, than silence.

The violence Claire seeks in the above quote shifts from the proposed beating to physically aggressive lovemaking where the participation of both is much more equal. Jamie is able to put it into words as they find their way towards healing and that self-forgiveness:

“Open your eyes. Look at me. For that is your punishment, as it is mine. See what you have done to me, as I know what I have done to you. Look at me.”

And I looked, held prisoner, bound to him. Looked, as he dropped the last of his masks, and showed me the depths of himself, and the wounds of his soul. I would have wept for his hurt, and for mine, had I been able. […]

And I voyaged into him, as he into me, sot that when the last storms of love began to shake me, he cried out, and we rode the waves together as one flesh, and saw ourselves in each other’s eyes.

The proposed punishment with the nettles would have been an externalized punishment one inflicted on the other; the final punishment they each endure is an internalized one wherein they see the pain they have caused and must confront it. The pain of their punishment is bearing witness to the other’s pain knowing they caused it and forgiving themselves for it with the knowledge that the other shares exactly the same pain and same guilt. In becoming one flesh and uniting their pain and their guilt, they also unite their forgiveness; having already forgiven the other, they are able to forgive themselves.

In the course of the scene, while no beating takes place, both Jamie and Claire are touched with the nettles and exhibit the resultant painful skin reactions––they share the same physical manifestation of pain––and after their lovemaking, they take turns applying the same topical relief to their nettles burns so that they heal those wounds to one another as well.

Scars

(NaLu Week Flaws Prompt- 7/3/17)

To the outside world, the pretty blonde was almost perfect.  Smart and beautiful, she made friends quickly, got along with almost anyone whether a nerd or from the popular clique.  For years she successfully hid her inner demons but by 16 it was becoming more and more difficult.  No one save her best friend at Magnolia High had any clue what secrets lay beneath the smile…

It had really started by the age of 4 when her mother Layla passed away from cancer.  Her father, who was never very affectionate to begin with grew ever more distant and the older she got, the more she was convinced that he blamed her for her mother’s death; no worse, sometimes she’d blame herself too.  With no friend’s around to interact with and only the servants to talk to, a cancer of its own took hold in the little girl; depression. 

She would steel herself away in her room for hours, reading or surfing the internet and on one of these occasions she googled ‘suicide’, ‘depression’, and ‘chat room’.  Of course, most of the sites that appeared were about getting help and prevention but one chat, the one she zeroed in on was for people who openly talked about what they did to deal with their depression; and not in a good way.  That’s when the cutting began. 

When her 9th birthday rolled around and her father forgot all about it, a chain reaction of emotions flooded the young girl, voices in her fragile mind screaming for her to end the suffering.  Stealing a bottle of pain killers from her father’s room she swallowed a handful. 

It was her nanny that found her unconscious next to the open bottle.

Finally forced to act, her father sends her to the best child psychologist in Magnolia and slowly she began to heal emotionally.  As part of the therapy process, she was enrolled in public school so she could interact with other kids her age; friendship, the doctor told her dad, can be one of the best tools in fighting depression.

Luckily for Lucy, the first girl she encountered turned out to be just what the doctor ordered.  Levy, was a sweet, smart, friendly girl who quickly gravitated to the new student and soon the two were the best of friends; maybe more like sisters.  After a few months, it was during a sleepover at Levy’s home that she finally felt comfortable enough to reveal her painful past.  Much to her relief, her friend was not only understanding but supportive in a way that Lucy’s never felt before.  Even the scars that marred parts of her body didn’t frighten her friend.  And with this positive encouragement Lucy began to blossom into the girl she was always meant to be.

This went on for the next 6 years and Lucy was doing well but now the girls had entered high school and all the typical issues teenagers face.  School work was harder, that didn’t bother her; social standing, she didn’t have problems there; but body consciousness, that was an issue; peer pressure to start dating, that was a major concern.  Sure, she’d had crushes, been asked out by boys, but either she’d turn them down, or never really pursed such relationships because she didn’t want them to see the scars.  She had worked so hard to build a decent reputation for herself but there was always that anxiety that the wrong person would find out about her past and stigmatize her for it or worse… 

When Levy started dating a boy named Gajeel, she encouraged Lucy to do the same, “We could double date.”

“I don’t know Levy, most of the guys seem to only be interested in…. and I don’t want anyone to see… you know what.” 

“You just need to find the right guy Lu, I know he’s somewhere out there.”

“I hope so too.”

“What about the one from your chemistry class that often smiles at you, he seems nice.”

“You mean Natsu?  Yeah, I think he’s hot but I don’t know much about him.”

“According to Cana and Lis, he was adopted when he was a baby but he doesn’t let that bother him.  They said he’s a really sweet guy, but never had a girlfriend ‘cause he said he’s looking for someone special.  Makes me think he’s not like the typical guys we know.”

“Still, I don’t know…”

“Aaaand…” she drags out the word, “…they said, he asked about you…”

“He asked them about me?!”

Levy grins, “Yup, asked them what were you really like, you know nice, mean, blah blah, blah.  And when they told him you were sweet, he asked if you were single.”

Lucy’s face lights up with a tinge of pink.  “So, what they tell him?!”

“Of course they said you are.”

“And??”

“And what, they said he just smiled and left it at that.” 

“Great so what does it all mean?”

“I have no idea Lu; my crystal ball is broken.”

“Ha, ha.  Very funny Levy.”

“I’m sure you’ll find out eventually.  So, wanna go to the mall after school?”

“Sure, I’ve been wanting to check out the summer collection at Forever 21, but I’m supposed to see my therapist at 3.”

“Why don’t you meet me there afterwards, the sessions only like 30 minutes right?”

“Yeah, I can get to the mall by 4, I’ll text you when I arrive.”

“Great.  I’ll see you then.”

Lucy’s feeling great after her therapy session.  Routinely it’s just a check-up by the doctor to make sure everything is going fine in the girl’s life, and aside from a few minor things, all is running smoothly.  Arriving at the mall, she gets onto the escalator and starts texting Levy.

‘Just got here, heading up to the food court now.’

‘I’m by the Cold Stone Creamery.’

‘See you in a mi..’  So focused on the screen Lucy doesn’t realize she’s at the end of the escalator; she trips and starts to fall backwards.  A startled scream involuntarily erupts from her only to cut off seconds later.  “Oomp!” as she lands on something, or rather on someone…

“Hey are you okay?”  Asks a sexy voice as he helps her off the moving stairs.

“I, yeah, thanks to…”  her voice trailing off when she looks up and sees pink hair.  Her cheeks instantly turn red, “Thanks to you I’m okay.”   

“It was my pleasure,” the boy gives her a cheeky grin.  “You’re Lucy right?  From chemistry class?”

She nods, “And y-your Natsu.” 

“What brings you to the mall today?”

“Oh, I um am meeting my friend Levy at the food court.”

“Mind if I walk with you, I was heading that way too.”

“S-sure.”

He sticks out his left arm, “Shall we?”  Blushing again, she weaves her arm through the crook of his.  ‘He’s such a gentleman!’  After a couple minutes of walking he breaks the silence.  “You know Luce, it’s funny I ran into you today ‘cause there was something I wanted to ask you.” 

She tenses a little, remembering her conversation earlier with Levy.  “Oh?”  she mutters, “What did you want to ask me?”

“Are you free Saturday night?”

“I-I um…”

“Yes, she is.”  Levy appears in front of them.  Lucy blinks her eyes and looks around them, she hadn’t realized they were already at the Food court. 

“I-I am?”  is all Lucy can manage to stammer out.

“Yes, you are.”  Levy turns to Natsu, “Be good to my friend or I’ll sick your cousin on you.” 

Natsu salutes Levy, “Yes ma’am!” 

Tch, Smart ass.”  She turns and winks at Lucy who’s still a bit flabbergasted, “Lu, I’ll see you in school tomorrow.”  And skips away smirking.

“Sh-she planned this, didn’t she??”

“Huh,” Natsu turns to the girl who’s still holding onto his arm and runs his right hand nervously through his hair, “Oh yeah sorry, I was nervous about approaching you so she and my cousin set up this meeting.”

“Cousin?”

“Gajeel.  She didn’t tell you he’s my cousin?”  Lucy shakes her head.  “Well um… are you still hungry, where would you like to eat at?”  When she doesn’t respond he teases her.  “Luce I’m not gonna bite ya.”

“Err,” she bites her lower lip and looks at the options around her, “how about Arby’s.”

“Arby’s it is!” 

For the next 3 hour’s the pair sits in a booth at the food court.  Long after having finished their meals, the two had found a lot to talk about and the longer this went on for the more at ease Lucy felt around the young man.  It wasn’t until the mall was ready to close that they finally made their way out. 

Parting at the front entrance, “So Luce, I’ll see you in school tomorrow?”

“Yup,” she smiles.  “If you want to, we always meet at the picnic tables in the front around 7 to chill before school starts.”

“Count me in,” he takes her hand and kisses it.  “Good night Lucy.”

She blushes, “Good night Natsu.”

~~~

It’s been 6 months since their first date and the young couple have become inseparable.  Even Levy is surprised on how quickly her friend let Natsu into her inner space, that’s not something she’s ever done before with a guy.  At first, she was a bit protective, always checking on them, always reminding Natsu that he ‘better not hurt her friend or else…’  But eventually she realized that there really was something special developing and could only hope that Lucy wouldn’t have another episode.  But true to his word, those fears were becoming a distant memory.

~~~

To mark their 1 year anniversary, Natsu takes Lucy out to dinner and a movie, then to his house to relax.  While his parents are downstairs in the living room, the couple head up to his bedroom and throw on some music.  But this always makes Lucy a little nervous, things had been going well with Natsu, and even though he’s never pushed her into anything uncomfortable, in the back of her mind she always worried.  They’ve made out a few times but he’s always respected her boundaries, never tried to grope at her, so she was torn.  She was falling hard for the young man and wanted to go further, but her fears always got in the way.  Levy and her therapist had started encouraging her to open up to Natsu, that he deserved the truth and if he truly cared about her he’d understand.  So, with Levy on call tonight, she planned to do just that.

Sitting on his bed, the couple are making out.  “Natsu…”  she whispers through the kisses.

“Yes Luce?”  he whispers back

“I need to tell you something.” 

He stops kissing her and cups her cheeks.  “You can tell me anything Luce.”  And pecks her lips again.

Her eyes glaze over.  “It’s um…” she sighs, “difficult for me to talk about my past and um… problems… and I’m really grateful that you’ve been so patient, never pushing me but I, I think it’s time I be honest with you.”

“Babe, if it’s too painful, you don’t need to do tell me…”

“No, I need to do this.”  She takes a deep breath… “I think it’ll be easier if I start from the beginning.” …and stands up.  Pacing next his bed as he listens intently to her ramble.  “My mother died from cancer when I was little and my dad was distant… no I believe he blamed me for her death like somehow I made her sick.  By the time I was 7, I was very depressed and I started to do things like cut myself to dull the pain…”  Tears start to trickle down her face.  “I was homeschooled, had no friends, no one to talk to…  I was so lonely.”  He reaches out and squeezes her hand to try and reassure her; this kind act makes her smile a little.  “Finally, on my 9th birthday when he forgot all about it I had a full nervous breakdown and tried to kill myself by overdosing on pain killers.”  She sees Natsu’s face cringe, but he squeezes her hand again.  “It was my nanny that found me and rushed me to the hospital; they said if I hadn’t been found I would have died within 30 minutes.”  She exhales again.  “After this my dad was forced to realize I had a problem and that’s when I started therapy, even our relationship got a little better.”  Natsu smiles.  “I was enrolled in public school as part of the therapy and Levy was the first friend I made.  It’s really thanks to her that I’m a lot better than I was before… She’s the only other person that knows the truth about me…”

“Lucy,” he pats the bed and she sits, “many of us have issues that we try to hide from the world or rather not think about.  Everyone thinks that I’m okay with having been adopted because I act like it doesn’t bother me but the truth is it took me a few years to accept it.  I wondered why my birth mom didn’t want me anymore.”  Exhale, “The adoption agency wouldn’t tell us anything so I just hoped that she had had a good reason, maybe she was a teenage mother who realized she couldn’t take care of me properly and rather me find a good home.  But luckily for me, I had supportive adoptive parents that made sure I felt loved and wanted, and eventually I realized it didn’t matter how my life started out, only what became of it.”

Lucy smiles and rubs his hand, “I don’t know what’s worse to deal with sometimes, the emotional or physical scars.  With cutting myself, the physical pain helped to dull out the emotional ones for short periods of time… But that created a new problem for me, it left me with a few physical scars that I’m… ashamed of.”

“Come here,” he pulls her onto his lap and wraps his arms around her.  “Do you know what attracted me to you?”  She shakes her head.  “I could tell there was something unique about you.  Not only are you beautiful on the outside, but on the inside as well.  And now knowing that you had been hiding all this pain yet was still able to somehow shine through tells me I was right; Lucy you truly are special.”

“You really think so?” her eyes twinkle

He nods and kisses her cheek.  “Will you show me your scars?”

She takes a deep breath and moves off his lap to turn and face him.  “I-I’d need to take off some of my clothes.”  He nods, gets off the bed, locks the door to his room, and returns to her side.  Slightly trembling, and with a blush to her cheeks for this is the first time she’s ever revealed her whole body to anyone, let alone a boy; she pulls her top off and capri’s leaving her in just a bra and panties.  Slowly she points them out, a few on her upper arms, these had been hidden by sleeves, a few on her abdomen between her navel and just under her boobs, and a few on her upper thighs.  “Now you know why I wear the kind of clothes I wear…”

He looks closer at the scars, trailing his fingers along some of them.  “Luce, I’m so sorry you had to go through this…” he has moisture in his eyes.  “But these…” he runs his fingers along the ones on her arm, “don’t make me love you any less.”

“Y-you l-love me?” she stammers

“Yes.” He grins.  “And not just like you.  I mean I’ve fallen head over heels in love with you, the sweet side, the crazy side, every part of you.” 

“Natsu…” she tears up more.

His smile brightens, “I think these could be like your badges of honor, to remind you that while life can be difficult at times you can survive and you can move on.  It may have taken you a few years to get to this point but this also gives you the ability to understand human nature in a way that most people will never fully comprehend.”

She cocks her head to the side, “I don’t understand.”

“You were lucky to have found a good therapist, and a good friend to help you through it but many therapists aren’t as good, or many patients just don’t trust them because in the patients mind they think, ‘how do you really know what I’m feeling?’  But when someone who has genuinely been through what they are going through tells them there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that is more powerful than anything a therapist can quote from a text book.”

“Wow…  I never thought of it that way.” Her face lights up, “How do you know so much about therapists?”

“I’ve been through a few too.  When I was younger I didn’t cut myself but I got into a lot of fights, I guess to let the anger out, and that’s where some of my scars come from.”

“Natsu, thank you for being so understanding…”

He caresses her cheek, “I just wanna see you happy Luce.” He kisses her softly, “I’d spend the rest of my life trying to keep a smile on your face…”

~~~

10 years later…  Dr. Lucy Dragneel PsyD opens a new practice in Magnolia specializing in child psychology.  Hung prominently above her desk is a sign; ‘Scars tell a story.  They are reminders of when life tried to knock you down… But failed.’

You Know I’m Always Here For You, Right?

Pairings: Damon x reader

Reader Gender: Female

Warnings: Mentions of death of mother, mourning.

Word Count: 1067

The finger-like glares of sunlight, shone through the gaps in the curtains and laid themselves upon the silk sheets that encased the h/c haired woman. The woman seemed to be asleep, but she wasn’t. Though to many it would seem that she was in a deep slumber, she wasn’t. Y/N was wide awake, her red rimmed eyes boring into the wall opposite her. She wasn’t staring at anything in particular, but her eyes did not move. Not even when the door to the bedroom opened quietly, releasing a small creak. She stayed stationary in the same spot that she had been in for the last few days, only moving once or twice for the toilet. 

Her dark brown haired boyfriend leant against the doorway, his piercing blue eyes dancing over the immobile woman. 

Damon Salvatore wasn’t usually one for showing his feelings, and he had his many reasons for not doing so. But there was something about Y/N that made him want to express everything, his high moments, his low moments, everything. Even his brother had noticed the change in Damon, he was no longer the heartless vampire he had been prior to meeting her. He cared. 

He and Y/N had become like the couple that everyone wanted. They had their cute moments, their funny moments, their absolutely cliché moments. But that didn’t bother Damon. He loved it, almost as much as he loved her. Seeing her in this self induced state only made him want to pull her into his arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but he knew it wouldn’t work. He knew that she wouldn’t accept his claims. He had already tried it. When she had come back to the Salvatore Boarding house, tears leaking from her e/c orbs. 

Y/N wasn’t the kind of person to take a hug and a kiss and suddenly think that everything was going to get better. Damon knew this. But still, he hadn’t expected her to go on shut down, staying in their room buried in the blankets. But then again, he hadn’t expected her mother to pass away so quickly. Y/N’s mother had deteriorated quickly, even though she had been given at least a few months to live. Y/N had been visiting her mother often, and Damon was usually the one to go with her to visit her mother. But it seemed to be that on the one day he didn’t visit with her, everything fell apart. Although it sounded stupid, he partially blamed himself for what had happened. Not that he could have changed it in any way, it was purely natural. 

Y/N didn’t move. Not even when Damon progressed forwards and sat on the edge of the bed, just behind her legs. He paused for a moment, before running his hand over his face, and sighing quietly to himself. To say he was worried about Y/N was an understatement. He knew that she was practically stopping herself from living, and he didn’t know how far she would go. She was already becoming unsociable.

He reached back and laid his hand on the bed, leaning around and laying down next to her, on his back. He paused for a moment before rolling onto his side, and carefully wrapping his arms around the smaller woman, pulling her gently against his chest. Even though she wasn’t facing him, he could tell that she was somewhat enjoying the closeness. Partly from the sound of her less shallow breathing and partly due to the sound of her heartbeat, which had picked up as he had moved closer. 

He closed his eyes and rested his head in the crook of her neck, breathing deeply, and inhaling her scent. Her scent hadn’t changed, which was a relief to Damon, as it was comforting to him. She almost subconsciously leaned into his touch. It seemed like hours, but it had only been minutes, as Y/N rolled slowly onto her side, so she was facing Damon. Her eyes moved up to lock with the same blue eyes that she had grown to love, her hand raising to his face. She gently skimmed her fingertips along the side of his jaw, he watched her. As if mesmerized by her movements, savouring the small tingles that appeared in the place where her fingers had touched.

His eyes scanned her features, the red lines along the edges of her eyes where she had cried endlessly. Her newly pale complexion, which almost made her look like she had been outside in the harsh, cold air, even though she hadn’t left the confines of Damon’s room. 

He could feel her gentle puffs of breath against his lips, as she continued her quiet breathing. She didn’t need to say anything for him to know that she was thankful for his presence, just the look in her eyes and the careful yet steady beating of her heart. 

“You know I’m always here for you, right?” she paused, taking a slightly longer breath and glanced away from his eyes, before producing a brief nod. 

“I know.” it was the first time he had heard Y/N’s voice since she had returned to the boarding house. It was a joy to hear her voice again, almost as if reassuring him that there was still a chance for her to end the prolonged antisocial behaviour. Damon didn’t mind her mourning, he just didn’t want her to mourn in the way where she was depriving herself of being social and being healthy. He didn’t want her to injure herself or her health without realising it. His fingers traced up to her face as he softly caressed her slightly pale cheeks, his thumb graxing back and forth. She rested her head on his chest as he leant down and pressed a kiss to her forehead, running his free hand through her hair and untangling the ends with his fingers.

It was at this point that Damon knew things were going to get better. Obviously it would take time, but he knew she would be okay. That they would be okay.

okay so people be still saying caitlin doesn’t deserve the backlash she’s getting? that it breaks their heart to see so much hate towards their fave? that in a way it’s the team’s fault for not focusing on her becoming a villain?

you guys are so full of it. I cannot believe that you’re actually blaming the team and fandom for this nonsense; caitlin knew what she was doing she knew that iris’ already endangered life was depending on that shit stone she knew that keeping it could cause a lot of damage but guess what with all that at stake she decided to keep it still. why? because she was only fucking thinking of herself, how many lives were at stake? a lot perhaps even the whole team’s but most importantly of her so called friend iris, but she still kept the stone to keep herself from going all killer frost? her life wasn’t even at stake. don’t you dare just blame barry for this hell no caitlin had a big part in this mess she was hella ignorant and selfish, even julian saw it and that dude has known the west’s and barry less longer. also think about it if iris would have done this huh? what if she would’ve kept that shit stone for her own sake? not to die? and it endangered caitlin or triggered her powers you guys would’ve dragged her fucking ass. the person who doesn’t deserve hate after this episode the only person who doesn’t deserve shit, is wally.

RUMOR

Originally posted by teenwolf--imagines

Looking over her shoulder the whispers stopped, Y/n’s eyes frantically scanned the room to see what the commotion was. It was as if everyone else knew what was going on and they wanted to keep her out of it. Turning her head back to face the front of the classroom, Y/n wanted nothing more than to disappear. 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

In a Persona 4 style universe, what shadow would each Elgang members have?

Elsword’s shadow shows his negative feelings on restoring the El. As cheerful as he is on restoring the El, he also despises on having to save the world. He finds the thought of every village putting all their burdens on a young child terrible and unfair, going as far as to badmouth Yuno for his sacrifice, since the Nasod basically got off scott free while he has to “do all the work, both physically and emotionally.” He also feels inferior to his sister, as she always seems to surpass him in things he is good at.

Aisha’s shadow tells the rest of the gang how she absolutely hates how stupid everyone is. Her ego is exaggerated to the point where she’ll claim everyone more or less burdens her with her presence. She feels overwhelmed that she is not really noticeable or popular compared to others, and blames the members around her. She also complains how she acts at times, finding that her personality drives others away, but her pride prevents her from doing so, making her unable to change and become more likable. Once denied, the shadow will mock Aisha and the Elgang, wondering how they’ll manage to defeat her with their idiocy.

Rena’s shadow is burdened by sadness. Her thoughts ramble on how almost everyone will age and die around her, while she’ll stay young and pretty. The thought of this tortures her, and she finds that she’s afraid of dying alone. Her shadow is quickly placated as Rena comes to terms to this.

Raven’s shadow is apathetic and uncaring. He claims he doesn’t care about this whole mission in the end, or his friends. Atonement isn’t what he truly wants, it’s an excuse to try and run from his sins and confrontation from the other Pongos. He is extremely doubtful of others, and constantly questions if they’re lying or not. Either way, if he feels like they’re lying, they’re all gonna die for trying, telling them to “blame Owen for all of this.”

Eve’s is well, overly human. She manifests herself as a dramatic, emotional person caged by her actual species and inability to be human, thus becoming the “bitchy, toneless freak she is now.” Her attitude demands the Elgang to offer themselves up and treat her like royalty, enjoying the thought of having more friends to surround herself with. She also demands one of the males to serve as her King.

Chung’s shadow is amazingly insecure to his friends, acting like a clingy and extremely dependent child to them, afraid that once the mission is over, everyone will go to their separate ways and he’ll never see them again. He demands that everyone will stay together with him if Chung denies him, even if it means he’ll cripple them and himself.

Ara’s shadow admits that she’s not actually that attached to Aren as she was before, and that her brother is more or less just an annoyance. She wishes to kill him to stop causing so much trouble, considering the lives he’s taken has irritated more than her admiration for him. She’s a lot more sinister, and snarks at those who calls her an innocent and clumsy woman. At the moment she’s more or less contained by Eun.

Elesis’s looks down on Elsword, pridefully scoffing at him as she rises as the Velder Knights. She likes power, and she likes the idea of being more powerful than Elsword. Still, she expresses remorse in being unable to be a caring sister like how the normal family typically has them, having left the household after her father. There’s a sense of pride and self loathing mixed into her character, as she feels like she’s made a bunch of foolish mistakes that might’ve affected Elsword’s well being.

Add’s shadow is much more friendly to the Elgang. He doesn’t antagonize them all, to the point where Eve points out that he’s much more tolerable than the actual Add. His shadow reassures Add to show more respect and friendliness to his peers, as like his mother, they might not last as long as he thinks. They’re his only friends, so he should at least give a compliment once in a while.

Lu’s shadow is power-hungry, and though she shows a tiny bit of respect to her servant, she more or less desires to be crowned as the Steel Queen, and she will stop at nothing in order to achieve it. She finds the idea of having Ciel as her equal foolish, and considers hiding their pact in order to prevent word from getting out a potential vulnerability in her rule.

Ciel’s shadow, like Chung, is deeply dependent, though moreso on Lu. Though he says that Lu is Lu, he still can’t help but think of her as Terre, finding the thought nostalgic. He’s lost two of his lives, he’s not going to lose this one.

Ain’s shadow is severely envious of the other humans. He looks down on himself, calling himself lower than demons, and finds that living as a Celestial is pure torture. He desires to break things, to ruin things, to do anything that’ll leave a trace on the world, even if it will destroy it.

anonymous asked:

I think Touka is really confused and she doesn't know anything about hybrid babies. She doesn't even know how to feed hybrids. She need help if she wants her baby to survive and she need that by asking for help. I hope she asks ppl because she obviously can't handle the case by herself. I think the war outside is the reason she is keeping it to herself but she and the baby need help. This is so sad 😭

It is sad because, the only person who knows much about natural born ghouls is Eto since she is one herself, but she isn’t around at the moment. Touka is currently suffering for something that she doesn’t need to do. But, can you blame her? She believes that her baby needs human meat to survive, and because of this, she’s willing to put her health and life on the line to ensure this happens. It shows how much of a good person she is, even when she ate Yoriko’s homemade food just so it wouldn’t go to waste.

I hope Eto becomes involved with this child in later chapters. I feel like she would be very much helpful when it comes to what a natural born needs.