and then they do back to what they're doing so i'm like

Stuff My Dad Said During Hamilton (Act 1)
  • Hamilton: Is this that musical that has made you obsessed with dead people?
  • Aaron Burr, Sir: If someone started rhyming my name I would leave. It's so annoying.
  • My Shot: Okay they asked who he was - this - this is not the answer to their question. Oh wait now he's spelling his name - YOU KNOW IN THIS TIME MANY PEOPLE WERE ILLITERATE!
  • The Story Of Tonight: Okay so here's drunk dudes being pals and so not flirting with each other.
  • The Schuyler Sisters: AND PEGGY IS MY NEW MOTTO!
  • Farmer Refuted: You said this was the High School Musical dude right? (Me: Yeah.) STICK TO THE STATUS QUO ALEXANDER!
  • You'll Be Back: Okay George whichever shut up and let America rebel. Rebellion is good - *turns to me* That being said ever start to rebel and you'll be grounded till you die.
  • Right Hand Man: Burr got BURR-NED! Get it? Cause Burr. Burrned. It's funny you're just being stupid.
  • A Winter's Ball: Didn't we already listen to - oh wait no this is different.
  • Helpless: Oh God I hope girls don't act like this. *I give him a confused/dirty look* I mean you should make a boy beg for you not fall at his knees. You should make him helpless.
  • Satisfied: This song is just....*exploding hand moves and noise*....Feelings.
  • The Story of Tonight (Reprise): Another drunk song. And the French dude. (Me: Lafayette) Okay well I'm gonna call him French Fry.
  • Wait For It: Did everyone cheat in this time?
  • Stay Alive: Fucking Charles Lee man. Who's Charles Lee?
  • Ten Duel Commandments: They keep saying "Most Disputes Die And No One Shoots" I feel like they're lying to me...
  • Meet Me Inside: Uh ph, Daddy Washington is mad.
  • That Would Be Enough: How do they know it's a boy? I don't think they had ways to tell in this time.
  • Guns And Ships: Rap off. This dude (Me: Daveed) Yeah him, versus like, Eminem, Jay-Z and...uh other rappers.
  • History Has Its Eyes on You: Okay this went from fun to deep...
  • Yorktown: You know we live an hour from this site...*Looks out window*...We should go and reinact this.
  • What Comes Next: Oh right. Georgey is still there. He can piss off.
  • Dear Theodosia: I feel one of them will die...just how everything is worded. AJ, do I get...feels in this?
  • Lauren's Interlude: Wait what the fuck...is he? Oh my God. Alex's boyfriend!
  • Non-Stop: This is too cheery for killing someone. I quit.

teamstopfightingassholes  asked:

Oh man I just went through all of your voltron headcanon when I should be sleeping and they're so so good

here have some more bud ∠( ᐛ 」∠)_ 

  • hunk, barging into keith’s room at 3am: “keith i need your help wi- …are you wearing your boots in bed
    • listen. it pays to be prepared, hunk. hunk no don’t go tell lance-
    • for the next week lance points at keith doing mundane tasks and says “look there’s keith kogane. model paladin. Always Ready For Action”
  • allura: [is an incredible and level headed diplomat] allura, trying to make friends: “hey so uh you got any deep dark secrets you wanna share”
  • if you piss off pidge she’ll turn off the gravity in your room
  • coran: “lance can you-” lance: “can’t sorry i have homework”
  • “okay but do we all have to be paladins? because if we get to choose i wanna be a bard”
  • shiro is a constant victim of spoilers
    • everyone’s behind on tv right now but shiro’s even more behind
    • “man you know what i miss? galaxy wars. i seriously gotta know what happened to drax’s daughter after mira’s betrayal” “wait mira did what-
    • stop! talking! about! galaxy wars! he’s only on season 2!
  • hunk: “why is your back all scratched up” lance, who just spent an hour chasing a space raccoon after hunk told him not to: “i’m having an affair”
  • Pete: Hi
  • Brendon: it was the summer of 2001, and Joe meets Patrick and he's like "yo, I know about music." then Patrick's like "yo I know more about music!" "that's impossible. so you wanna start a band?" and Patrick's like, "yeah that's cool." and then, he's like "yo this is a book store not a music store." and then they met at Patrick's house. so Patrick's wearing shorts, socks, and a hat. Patrick is playing drums for some fuckin' reason and then Pete's there for some reason. and they start playing music together and they're like "oh, let's play some covers from some other bands." it was like Green Day, and fuckin' Misfits, and fuckin' Ramones. Pete said to Joe, "yo, that's dope, but we need a fuckin' drummer." because Patrick's playing drums and he's a singer. Patrick's like "yo, I got a soul voice," and they're like "wait how do you have a soul voice?" and he's like "yo, watch this: YEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEeeeeeeAAAAAAAAaaaaAAaahhh!" and they're like, "oh my god, that sounds like soul!" so they put it in a song, and it was like, "WHERE IS YOUR BOY TONIIIIIIIiiiiiIIIIIIIIIiiiIIIIIIIGHT?!" and they're like "yo that's fuckin perfect, this is Fall Out Boy." and they made records like Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend. Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend, everybody loves it. "it's called Evening Out With Your Girlfriend." with your ex-girlfriend. it's called evening out with your Ex-girlfriend. it's called eating out your girlfriend, and it's real and it doesn't matter. and Pete talked to Patrick and Joe and he's like "you what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. yo, this is gonna be fuckin' doooooooooope!" so they made a record and it was called Take this to Your Grave. they made it without a drummer, and they had like 3—4 drummers come in. The four drummers they had come in were like Josh Freese, Neil Pert, the dude from Toto, the fourth one was like the guy from Papa Roach or something, and they're like "you, we need Andy Hurley. Andy Hurley. Take This to Your Grave. Fuckin' record it." and he did, and he killed it, and he was like "bigidalililililillillilila, PSHHH!" killin' the skin, tapping the skins, tapping the rim, playin' the shit, killing these bitches, rapping it out. you're getting a fucking tattoo right now?! what the fuck is going on?! We should get signed to Fueled By Ramen, 'cause thee guys know what the fuck is going on. and they were like "yo, if you can make our scene any bigger than it is, which is not fuckin' hard, we will sign you guys." and Pete was like "yo, we got this record that's fuckin' dooooooope, dude, it's called Take This to Your Grave, it's called From Under the Cork Tree it's gonna be fucking huge." and then Patrick's like "I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it artistic, these are three songs that are gonna make the album and it's called-BURP-Thnks Fr th Mmrs, 20 Dollar Nose Bleed, and Sugar, Were Goin' Down. and they made this record that was fuckin' dope, and it fucking hit on the charts like one two three, three two one, three four five six seven eight nine ten. ten to one. From Under the Cork Tree sold like four million records. ten million records. fifteen million records. and Brendon Urie had nothing to do with the entire record. and Patrick was like "that's gooooOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOd." Pete was like, "yo, fuck you I can do whatever I want." and Joe was like, "yeah it's cool man whatever I don't give a shit." and then Andy was like "eh, cool." and Pete was like "Make up is fuckin' great for a guy. because it makes a guy look beautiful, which a lot of times, a guy is not beautiful. and I wanna change that. I wanna make sure everyone thinks that guys are beautiful." I'm good so far yeah. yeah I do. SHUT THE FUCK. oh fuck, alright alright. Pete was like "oh my god, I'm so embarrassed about this dick pic." and then I saw the dick pic and was like "ah it's not bad." it's not a bad dick. let's be real. we made Rollins Stones one issue before Fall Out Boy. and Fall Out Boy made the issue right after us and they were so pissed they were like "yo, fuck you guys!" they're like "yo! Panic! has the fuckin' cover for Rolling Stones, yo, fuck these dudes, we're gonna fucking go miles above. we're gonna hit every fuckin' continent there is known to man." but they didn't because they missed a second of time. apparently they were like "oh shit, we got every continent." and they didn't actually hit it. dude, and Pete was like, "WHAT THE FUCK?! 'oh you didn't fuckin' make the continent' it's like FUCK YOU!" so From Under the Cork Tree happens, we fuckin' have three-four years of awesomeness. like, people are coming in themselves 'cause it's so big. Alright so Fall Out Boy was like-- so Patrick's like "yo, we are going to name these records from under the Cork tree and from Innity-- from infinity on high." Pete was like "yo folie à deux means the theatric of two." "The madness of two." oh sorry I'm sorry. follow boy was like "yo we got to take a break." Meaning Pete was like "yo we got to take a break bro." and Patrick's like "I need time for my music. UHUhUhUHuhUUUh." and joes like "yo I need time to find the fucking art dude I got to find some fucking me-- metal" and andys like "i'm just gonna play with some fucking metal bands." and they're like "all right this breaks been like three years long two years long three years long 3 1/2? we gotta fucking come back man we gotta come back strong." you took my beer away what the fuck? "no you poured it all over yourself." "yeah you poured it on yourself man here." "we got to make this shit legit it's gonna be fucking dope it's going to go fucking sky high. we're going to make a fucking record that sails the skies. we're going to call this record save rock 'n' roll." so they made alone together light 'em up alone together Phoenix. and everybody's like "what the fuck? you're working with this guy who fuckin' recorded Avril Lavigne and P!nk." is this pu-- what the fuck is this on my shirt, did I puke on myself? oh god. Pete was like "yo were gonna end up on a tour with Panic! At The Disco and twenty pilots. and that's all and that's all that matters. and that's just how the fuckin' story goes."
How People View INFPs vs. How INFPS Actually Are
  • What people think INFPs are like: Precious sweethearts who are -so- emotional and cry about -everything- all the time.
  • What INFPs are actually like: Warriors that are stuck dreaming about the ways they want to help and rescue the people they love, and win love in return. They want the world to be like the fictional one they have in their head and if they are too overwhelmed by life's problems they want to be -alone-, even away from their closest friends, to be upset and jaded at the world.
  • How people think INFPs socialize: When they see their friends, they weep for joy because it's so beautiful, and they just can't take the sheer beauty of the friendship.
  • How INFPs -actually- socialize: Most of their social interactions happen with the version of you they have in their head.
  • How often people think INFPs cry: Everytime the sun sets. Everytime the icing on their cupcake is perfect. Everytime they walk in the park. Everytime the wind blows. Everytime...
  • How often INFPs actually cry: When something has come along to truly, truly break their heart. Which is actually hard to do. When everything that they have desired in life begins to fall apart and they feel their dreams crumbling. When they realize they don't know what to do, to go back to where they were before. When they're watching a sad movie/reading a sad book.
  • How easy people think it is to befriend an INFP: Be a person. Congrats you're their friend.
  • How easy it -actually- is to befriend an INFP: It isn't. You may consider them -your- friend, but they don't consider you the same. You're not really their friend until you prove that you and they share a true kindred link.
  • What people think INFPs dream about: Being rescued by a knight in shining armor.
  • What INFPs actually dream about: Being a knight in shining armor, rescuing.
  • What people think annoys an INFP: Nothing.
  • What actually annoys an INFP: Loads of stuff, including MBTI posts that type us as crybaby cinnamon rolls. Please stop. It's humiliating. Thanks.
First-Meeting Sentence Starters
  • Several different scenarios that can be combined or modified for your pleasure:
  • "Uh, hi there."
  • "I was here first. Go to the back of the line!"
  • "Excuse me, is there any way you could let me go before you? I'm in a hurry."
  • "Service here is TERRIBLE today!"
  • "Is this seat taken?"
  • "Do you have a moment to talk?"
  • "Hi, listen, there's someone following me, and I'm paranoid so can you talk to me for a few minutes to make it look like I'm not alone?"
  • "Here, take this and run with me. I'll explain later!"
  • "Do you have some cash? This vending machine just ate the last of mine..."
  • "Hey, were you going to use this machine next? It gave me a free bag of chips, and I don't need to eat that many!"
  • "Do you work here?"
  • "Look, I'm not an employee, but the ____ are right over there."
  • "Hey, is this yours? It was by your feet."
  • "Are you from ____ or ____?"
  • "Hello, ____."
  • "I swear I've seen you on TV."
  • "Yes, I'm ____, and I can take a picture with you if you want."
  • "Oh my gosh, can I pet your dog?!"
  • "Sorry, there was a hair hanging off of your sleeve, and it was bothering me."
  • "Oh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to walk into you!"
  • "Wait a minute! I think they mixed up our orders."
  • "Ugh, this isn't my food. Did anyone here order a ____?"
  • "You look so cold. Do you want to borrow my jacket?"
  • "H-Hey, I'm freezing. Is there any way I can s-stand close to you and maybe get warmer?"
  • "You poor thing, you look like you're cooking! Here, take a bottle of water."
  • "It's so hot I think I might pass out. Can you help me?"
  • "Are you okay?"
  • "Oh, good, you're awake. What happened to you?"
  • "Where am I?"
  • "Get in! You're in danger!"
  • "Please, let me ride with you. There's someone after me!"
  • "Grab the spare helmet and jump on."
  • "Are you playing ____?"
  • "Hey, do you want to trade friend codes?"
  • "Hi, my date just stood me up, so now I have a free ticket."
  • "I'd love to take that free spot as long as you don't mind sitting next to me."
  • "Have you seen a lost child around here?"
  • "I found this child, and by the look on your face, I think they're yours."
  • "That coat isn't real fur, is it?"
  • "If you can't tell the difference between real animal pelt and fake, you shouldn't be harassing people on the street."
  • "Are we locked in here?"
  • "Can I use your phone?"
  • "Here, take my phone. No questions asked."
  • "What's cookin' good lookin'?"
  • "If you're trying to flirt with me, you may want to try again."

Oh my god, in last night’s Bob’s Burgers, Bob takes Gene to a laser light rock show at the planetarium (super important to Bob, because it was his favorite when he was a teenager, and this is the last night before they’re closing the exhibit because it’s old and no one goes anymore, also it’s Bob’s birthday), and Gene has no idea what he’s in for, but he gets pumped for it anyway ‘cause Bob’s so excited about it, and finally they get in there and they’re watching it, and Gene has a sensory overload and kinda starts freaking out ‘cause he can’t handle it, so Bob takes him out and they sit in the car for a bit.  Gene’s angry because Bob didn’t tell him it would be so loud and scary, so Bob offers to play the album for Gene at a normal volume, and Gene starts to enjoy it, so he reclines the seats, takes out the cigarette lighter, tells Gene to pretend it’s a laser, and starts drawing in the air, explaining the plot to him (it’s like a full on Pink Floyd or Rush-esque rock opera about a bunch of robot overlords telling rockers that they can’t play music anymore, and one Rebel rising against them).  Gene gets really into it and decides he wants to see the finale of the laser show (which Bob regards as a life-changing experience), so they sneak back into the planetarium (there’s no re-entry allowed) with a few tricks that parallel the story from the album, and watch the climax of the show together (Bob fashions some earplugs for Gene out of a napkin).  On the way home, Bob’s asking Gene how he liked it, and Gene says “I loved it!”, Bob asks him to speak louder ‘cause his ear’s are shot, and Gene yells, “I LOVED IT, DAD”.  Bob yells back “I love you too, Gene”.

I FUCKING!!! CAN’T!!! DEAL!!!! WITH HOW GOOD THIS SHOW IS!!! I know i don’t talk about Bob’s Burgers a lot but this show is flawless and charming and gross and funny all at the same time, the characters are written like people with actual fears and anxieties, and unlike a lot of comparable shows, the comedy doesn’t come from the family being pitted against each other, it’s always the family against the world… I love it, I love it, it’s so pure and refreshing and still somehow manages to be funny without sacrificing it’s heart, and I fuckin’ love it, please watch Bob’s Burgers holy CRAP okay I’m done.

Hogwarts Headcannons
  • Give me Dean, muggleborn that he is, imitating Steve Irwin in Care of Magical Creatures class, much to everyone's confusion except for Harry and Hermione who are. On the ground. Unable to breathe. And refusing to explain why.
  • Give me Harry, demisexual that he is, realizing that the reason he can't stop obsessing over Draco is because Draco is the one who saw - and subsequently disliked - 'Harry', and not The Boy Who Lived. Realizing that Draco was the only one to first talk to him for HIM, in that robe shop, and not his parents or fame (because even Ron and Hermione did that at first). And thus, leading to him randomly starting crying in the middle of lunch and claiming he's doomed, much to everyone's fear.
  • Give me Seamus, pyro that he is, super happy one Christmas when Hermione buys him a book on fire caution, flammable materials, and elements such as magnesium. Thus afterward, the mysterious fires that have always happened are far more safe and controlled.
  • Give me Luna, wonderful airhead that she is, being stared at as, calm as anything, she waltzes right into the Slytherin common room and starts talking to the mermaids like its absolutely normal. A first year drops a book he's staring so hard, because HOW DID SHE KNOW THE PASSWORD. Draco just sighs, gets up, goes over to her, and offers her tea.
  • Give me Draco. Who looks on as Neville offers Harry rhubarb pie that he made himself, as Harry stares forlornly at his Treacle Tart, and makes and annoyed sound. "Dammit Longbottom he hates bittersweets." The Slytherins stare and Pansy just mutters "How do you even know these things. Merlin, help him realize."
  • Give me Parvati, who is being constantly mistaken for her sister by Ron, who panics and screams "IM A LESBIAN" when it gets to be too much.
  • Give me Ron, who stares wide-eyes from a distance whenever he sees Padma from that moment on for a full week, until Padma flips out too and hexes him. Parvati awkwardly wonders why Ron starts getting scared whenever she tries to approach from then on, since she knows Ron doesn't have problems due to that sort of thing from how he handles Harry.
  • Give me the thirty or so of the school's Muggle-raised, who made the mistake of showing their folks howlers, and react accordingly whenever one of the families sends one that is just a recording of Rick Astley, or High School Musical, or spoilers for Doctor Who. And the Wizard-raised just... staring... in fear... watching their savior and multiple other students as they run around screaming and crying in an absolute panic for some reason even though it was a different student that got the weird howler.
  • Give me Harry, whose hair surprises people by being dark red like his mother's when in direct sunlight. And usually at the Weasley den they're inside, but one day Harry joins them outside for a picnic, and Molly is so confused about where Harry went to then has do do a mental tally of her children.
  • Give me George, who in the midst of the final battle, hit Lucius with an Anaticula curse, so that every spell he tries makes a duck instead. And the Death Eaters are just so confused. "Lucius... is that a duck?"
  • Give me the Gryffindor common room. The new first years suggest Monopoly for game night. The entire room goes dead silent. One first year tries to ask what they did wrong. "Never mention that game again," is the only response they get. "But why-" "NEVER TALK ABOUT SIXTH YEAR. WE NEVER TALK ABOUT SIXTH YEAR." Their brave upperclassman Neville yells, trembling. Hermione starts crying. Harry goes into a panic attack. Ron whispers, "There are many reasons we don't talk about sixth year. If The Incident had been the only thing that happened, we would only not talk about The Incident. Many things happened that year. Thus, we do not speak of that year, or of that game."
  • Give me McGonagall, who struggles to control the cat population, because while students are told to have their cats fixed you know not all 100 students that brought cats did so. Her curling up around a litter that lost their mother to illness. Training them to stalk the corridors. Albus had his ways of getting information, and hers is the spy network of cats.
  • Give me muggleborns singing everything from Phantom of the Opera to Katy Perry in the corridors. Singing We Will Rock You to a pureblood who disses them for it. The purebloods thinking the weird songs and their tunes are some kind of Rite of Passage and fleeing whenever a muggleborn student starts singing. Altering song lyrics. "I throw my ferret in the air some-times, singin EEEEEEEYO, this is DRAAAAAACO!"
  • Give me muggleborns that are really confused about the whole quill instead of pens things, throwing transfigured pokeballs in Care of Magical Creatures, the band students bringing kazoos and harmonicas and the wizrd-raised students that are just so confused as to how those things even work, because it must be some sort of air magic, right??
  • Give me muggleborns making entire conversations out of pop culture references specifically to confuse some Slytherin who just called one girl a Mudblood. "These are not the droids you were looking for." "I'm right on top of that now Rose, I promise." -jazz hands-
  • Give me muggleborns with Patronus that are things like Pikachu, velociraptors, the quiet Canadian transfer student with a moose patronus the size of a SMALL HOUSE, the one whose is a angeled-out Castiel, the one whose patronus is the democrat donkey and another the republican elephant and the two, previously best friends, become mortal enemies rivaling the fame of Harry and Draco.
  • Give me muggleborns hugging each other before break, promising to 'call' each other, trading weird codes, how they can't wait to go for 'sushi' or planning that trip together to 'disneyland' where they can go flying?? But no one's allowed magic?? Or flying?? And the wizard-raised think that somehow, shockingly,<i> these children totally new to our world have developed a way to cheat the system?? Muggleborns are badasses!!</i>
  • Give me muggleborns who are fully aware that the anti-tech wards were made when, like, radios barely even existed, much less cellphone towers and microprocessors, so while they can't turn them on inside the stone school walls there's this group that Harry joins constantly that just sit there in silence staring at these tiny things and sometimes randomly laughing hysterically, and every now and then standing and just running all the way across to the other side of the lake all at the same time with no signal whatsoever. The purebloods are <i>terrified</i> of this frequent happening.
  • Give me Harry, Hermione, Dean, and Justin from the D.A, muggleborns they are, doing a movie night every week to help the D.A. relax and bond. They re-start this after the battles, during eighth year, with several other people such as the returned Slytherins joining in. The entire year they play things like Tangled, The Breakfast Club, Brave, Lion King. But then the last four weeks, they announce they don't want to mislead everyone that everything is all fun and rainbows. The last four movies are My Sister's Keeper, The Shining, Marley and Me, and for the last week, a marathon of the entire Jurassic Park series.
  • Give me Hufflepuffs, who secretly are very relieved to be the 'normal' House. Jocks over there, know-it-alls over there, goth wannabees over there, now lets go camp out by the kitchens we're gonna need it to survive the next seven years like this.
  • Give me Ravenclaws who are so done with the riddles when they stumble back at midnight after having fallen asleep in the Library. "What's the truth?" "THE TRUTH IS THAT I WILL SET YOU ON FIRE IF YOU DON'T LET ME IN."
  • Give me the Trio, who use the Marauder's Map to find the most absolutely ridiculous routes to class, knowing every single one of the shortcuts. It's not odd for them to simply appear out of the ceiling. One day the new first years try to follow them, to learn the school better, but it doesn't go so well because then they try to go through a disappearing wall the Trio just did they instead run headfirst into it, and the next time they do behind a tapestry, down a waterside, around some sort of tower, causally past an entire doorless room full of bats, and somehow come out on the complete other side of the castle.
  • Give me Draco whose just completely had it with Harry's staring and confronts him, like they always do, and Harry just blurts out that he likes Draco's new haircut and can he touch his hair, and Draco so shocked he lets him. "Potter stop treating me like a cat I'm evil remember? Bloody hell have you gone daft?!" "But... it's soft..." "I hate you." But he just can't find any anger over this, so there's like no venom whatsoever in it and Harry can't stop giggling.
  • Give me Ginny, who can't stop giggling as Luna confuses the fuck out of an entire crowd with her way of speaking, and who during seventh year could 100% get away with insulting the Death Eaters because of the way she said things. Who after Luna used said tactic to get her out of a Crucio punishment just clung to Luna, shaking, and realizing that she loves Luna so much for this very reason. That there will never be another person like Luna in her life, ever.
  • Give me Harry, who was not really well educated while living at the Dursleys, who couldn't read very well but was wonderful at sneaking around, little tricks like hiding things, and loved music. He taught himself magic tricks, and MERLIN ALMIGHTY THIS 11 YEAR OLD KID HAS MASTERED VANISHING SPELLS, WHAT, HOW, and Percy, uptight prefect he is, just looses it.
  • Give me Ron walking in on Harry talking to some random snake in their dorm room, laughing like the snake said a particularly good joke, tipping his head and smiling as he responds, the python slowly curling up his arm to rest over his shoulder. Ron freezes, stares, and then slowly backs away, closes the door and stands there staring at it for a full half hour in absolute horror.
  • Give me the rest of the D.A. walking into the Room of Requirement and hearing screaming, Dean shrieking that he's going to murder someone, Hermione crying, Justin cursing like a sailor yelling for everyone to stop, and the rest panic and run around the corner and there the four Muggle-raised students are. With some sort of odd device in their hands. Playing Mario Kart.

anonymous asked:

Okay, because I'm a sucker for top ten lists and future Viktuuri sex, so thanks to your post on Chris' best man speech: where are the top 10 most memorable places that they've had sex? I totally HC that now that they're public, they're less reserved about more public locations!

The Top 10 Most Memorable Places That Yuuri and Viktor Have Had Sex:

10) In a limo – they had to go to some Big Important Event and Yuuri finally let Viktor buy a new suit for him after months of protesting that it was unnecessary which backfired on Viktor because Yuuri looked hot as fuck and Viktor couldn’t keep his hands off on the journey there. Everyone ended up sort of side-eyeing them once they arrived at the party because they were all like ‘Nikiforov and Katsuki are looking very stylish tonight but also kind of…dishevelled?’

9) On Yuuri’s kitchen counter in Detroit – theoretically they were supposed to be in his bedroom but they didn’t quite make it. Phichit took one look at them when he got back a few hours later and was like ‘seriously guys? I eat there! And Yuuri your bedroom is like thirty seconds from here you couldn’t keep it in your pants for that long?’ Yuuri couldn’t look him in the eye for like a week afterwards. Viktor had no regrets.

8) On the beach at Hasetsu – they were out on a morning run with Vicchan and Makkachin and Viktor convinced Yuuri it was a good idea and that the beach was deserted so no-one would know. He was wrong but the old couple who saw them were just like ‘ah yes it’s just our Yuuri and his attractive foreign boyfriend, better to walk away before they know we’re here’ and Yuuri and Viktor never knew they’d been seen which was a good thing for Yuuri’s blood pressure  

7) On a plane – they both joined the mile high club after Yuuri won gold at the Four Continents and Viktor convinced him that celebratory sex in the plane bathroom was a good idea. Which it was but the air hostess gave them very knowing looks when they both finally left the room five minutes apart with lovebites covering their necks and their clothes all skewed

6) At a club – Even though Viktor likes the fact that he’s Yuuri’s one and only he also feels a little guilty that he had his wild younger years in his early twenties and got a fair bit of experience while Yuuri never did and he doesn’t ever want Yuuri to end up resenting him for that. But Yuuri was like ‘I don’t care, you were the only person I wanted to sleep with anyway I was never interested in random hook-ups with anyone else’ so Viktor was like ‘why don’t you have a random hookup with me instead then?’ So they ended up doing that thing that some couples do when they pretend not to know each other and chat each other up in a club for fun except Yuuri got really nervous beforehand, took several shots to loosen up, got an unexpected rush of confidence that was partially alcohol  related and partially the anonymity of the club they were in letting him get properly into Eros mode and the night ended with him completely seducing a very willing Viktor, a lapdance and them both screwing in the back of the club because they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

5) In a lift – They were both trapped in a lift in a hotel that broke down for a while and when they were finally rescued everyone was like ‘oh my god are you ok, it must have been so scary being stuck in there alone for like two hours’ and Viktor was like ‘oh. Yeah. Terrifying.’ *shifty eyes* while Yuuri went bright red. Then after when they thought they’d gotten away with it Yuuri was suddenly like ‘Viktor…lifts have cameras in them don’t they?’ and that was the moment they realised they both fucked up. (It was fine though because no footage could ever be released because of the hotel privacy policy. But one security guard certainly got a show)

4) At a restaurant – Viktor did that thing at a fancy restaurant they were at for Yuuri’s birthday where he’s like ‘oh no I dropped my fork *disappears under the table for fifteen minutes*’ and Yuuri nearly bit through his lip trying to keep a straight face and not let on to anyone around them what was happening  

3) In the showers at Viktor’s home rink in St Petersburg – Yuuri decided to surprise Viktor after practice and it all went downhill from there. Yurio once overheard Viktor mentioning it while flirting with Yuuri at the rinkside and has never used any of the showers at the rink again

2) In a cabin in the woods – About a year into their relationship Yuuri started to get really self-conscious and anxious about all the media attention and the obsessed fans and how there was always paparazzi hanging around them and so Viktor rented out a completely secluded cabin in the woods as far away from civilisation as he could find on an impulse to try and give Yuuri a relaxing break. Since neither of them knew literally anything about outdoor survival they just stockpiled it with food and wood for the fire and disappeared for a week. They spent most of that week hiking (mainly consisting of them both getting lost and Viktor nearly dying multiple times), cuddling up together to watch the sunrise and sunset and having sex marathons on the fur rug in front of the fire a la every romance film ever. Viktor still considers it one of the best decisions he’s ever made and now has a yearly reservation.

1) In a bathroom at the European Championships – Yuuri promised to give Viktor a ‘reward’ if he won the Euros which lead to them having sex in the skater’s bathroom after the medal ceremony. Chris happened to walk in on them halfway and because Chris is Chris when they noticed him he was just like ‘don’t let me stop you’ and smirked. Viktor was 100% ready to ignore him and continue but Yuuri, unfortunately, was not. Viktor ended up getting his reward that night in the hotel room instead.

How them 2000s live actions kids shows be
  • Normal Girl: *internally* I'm just a normal high school girl. I suck at math. I hate my parents. When someone asks me about my opinion on complex socioeconomic issues, I just go "What the heck!?" and start "texting" or something like that. My life would be just like yours, except for one thing: I have an amazing power... I can talk to cetaceans!
  • *at the docks, a bell tolls as our normal protagonist hears the voices of cetaceans bubbling in her mind*
  • Normal Girl: *staring deeply into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: Ahoy! What're you doing?
  • Normal Girl: Just staring into the oceanic abyss, thinking about how much I hate my parents. *internally* I have to keep my ability to speak to cetaceans secret or else... uh...
  • Best Friend: Haha, I feel that, friend. What a colorful life we teens live, our seaside environment awakening a rumbling darkness within ourselves of which we mull on our own with nothing but the unbounding depths of the ocean as our one escape. An escape which serves to only maim our fragile egos with newfound adolescent anxieties.
  • Normal Girl: What are you even talking about?
  • Best Friend: I don't know. I haven't slept in a week. Let's go to the mall.
  • *at the mall*
  • Normal Girl: *internally* My town might as well be called Lamesville. Nothing ever happens here, but the mall can be pretty fun. It's only place in the whole town with anything in it that isn't fish or excessive amounts of woodlice.
  • Best Friend: ...So I'd just dance and I'd dance until my feet broke. When that happened, I'd just get up and dance on my broken feet. And I did this until they were raw and blood was everywhere. I kept waking up in the morning extremely exhausted after this dream. I decided to record myself one night and it turns out I was dancing in my sleep. I haven't slept since I saw that. *leans in close to the normal girl* I'm afraid of what I'll do in my sleep.
  • Normal Girl: Wow, sounds weird... I guess. *sips coffee*
  • Best Friend: OMIGAWD! It's Chad Alphakid. He's coming this way!
  • *the normal girl and her best friend squee*
  • Normal Girl: *externally* That's Chad Alphakid. Who is he? He's only the hottest most coolest boy in this entire lame city. I've been crushing on him since I was like twelve.
  • Chad: Uh, okay.
  • Normal Girl: Did I just say that out loud!?
  • Chad: *sits at the table* Listen, I don't care what you or your friend think of me. I need help!
  • Best Friend: Have you murdered somebody?
  • Normal Girl: Do you need a girlfriend?
  • Chad: No, it's the ocean. The sound of her waves crashing against the shore is like a faultless siren song. There isn't a single night where I don't have visions of floating within her cold embrace. The allure of her boundless depths beckon to me like a lover. I'm afraid that if I don't get help soon, I'll find myself taken away by her to a fate unknown.
  • Normal Girl: *internally* Great, this is a chance to finally use my power to speak to cetaceans to my benefit! *externally* But why do you need us to help you?
  • Chad: You guys are the biggest fucking degenerate weirdos in this washed up town. If anyone knows how to deal with this, it's you two.
  • Best Friend: Haha, truuuuuu!
  • Normal Girl: I'm not a weirdo! I'm a completely normal girl.
  • Chad: Dude, you fucking talk to fish.
  • Best Friend: You do talk to fish.
  • Normal Girl: I don't talk to fish! *internally* I talk to cetaceans, they're mammals, not fish. Also, that's supposed to be a secret, dammit!
  • *at the shore*
  • Chad: Ah, Mother Ocean! Take me!! Take me!!! *attempts to run into the ocean, but gets held back by the normal girl and her best friend*
  • Best Friend: Simmer down, aqualad!
  • Chad: Why did you fools take me here, if not to release into the embrace of sweet Mother Ocean!?
  • Normal Girl: We talked it over and we decided that the best way to get you over your obsession is make you hate the ocean.
  • Chad: Does it involve you talking to fish?
  • Normal Girl: Yes, I mean no. I mean, fuck! Cetaceans aren't fish.
  • *the normal girl sits at the edge of shore, her eyes rolls up in her head as she proceeds to make fucked up porpoise sounds*
  • Normal Girl: *falls over limp*
  • Best Fried: She died.
  • Chad: Does this mean that I'm free to wade into Mother Ocean and meet my fate among her ever chaotic waes?
  • Best Friend: *lets chad go* Yeah, dude. I'm too far gone to care about things anymore.
  • Chad: *strips off all of his clothes* Good. I now understand that there was no avoiding this. This was always a forgone conclusion. My fate is with the waves. Sayonara, weird best friend guy.
  • Chad: *runs into the ocean*
  • Best Friend: *kicks the normal girl's body* Guess she really is dead.
  • Best Friend: *walks home as the night encroaches* My closest friend is dead, and Chad is probably dead too. I wonder where my fate lies?
  • Best Friend: *yawns* Maybe I should go to sleep and just dance myself to death finally. No, I don't think I could go to sleep even if I wanted to anymore. I'm probably going to die from exhaustion in the next few days, not having felt rest or comfort again. Or maybe I'll just stay awake forever. I feel like I was supposed to have an epiphany here, or some type of awakening. But, there's nothing. I feel like everything I've ever done has been pointless. God, I'm just really tired.
  • *back at the shore*
  • Porpoise: *beaches itself*
  • *a gray fleshy version of the normal girl crawls halfway out of the porpoises mouth*
  • Normal Girl: There goes my corpse! *drags her weird porpoise body towards the corpse* Why did I die with such a dumb expression on my face? Lame! I hope Chad didn't see.
  • Normal Girl: *looks around with beady eyes* No one's here. I can finally do this.
  • Normal Girl: *kisses her dead body on the lips* Blargh!
  • Normal Girl: *spits out blood* I bit my tongue when I died. Gross. I guess I can cross making out with my dead body and becoming a mermaid off of my bucket list, though.
  • Normal Girl: *sighs*

anonymous asked:

hey there! thanks for answering all our questions on this blog + how possible would it for someone to crack ribs with a solid kick? there's a character i have in mind that's escaping captivity, but they're also young, so i'm not quite sure how easily they'd be able to hurt the (adult) antagonist in such a manner, especially lacking any fighting experience to begin with?

Well, you can break someone’s ribs with a kick. That’s the entire purpose of the roundhouse, especially the version where you strike with the ball of the foot rather than the top of the foot. (And… aren’t like me when I was seven or eight, when I was new to sparring and totally stubbed my toe in another kid’s side at a tournament after my brain/body got confused between the two. I didn’t break my toe, but I could’ve.)

That story above is important, by the way. If you’ve got a character who doesn’t know how to fight then they’re not even going to get that far. If you don’t know how to kick then that’s a great way to get your leg caught by someone who knows what they’re doing. They catch the foot by the ankle, and then drag you wherever they want. That’s assuming the character can get their leg up and out without falling over. Even if they do manage that, say because they’ve watched a lot of martial arts flicks, they won’t know how to generate power and will be very slow. A, B, and C occur anyway. Your protagonist is going to end up back wherever they were being kept, this time in a much less comfortable position.

Even for an experienced martial artist, kicks require fairly constant bodily upkeep in order to be able to do them cold (much less perform them at all). That’s not a combat scenario, that’s just in general. You’ve got a great chance of pulling all the leg muscles you need to get away, including ones you didn’t realize you had and that’s if you don’t break your toes. Board breaks with the roundhouse kick are the most terrifying of them all because you’ve got to remember to curl your toes just right in order to carry your foot through the board.

Kicks are off the table.

More importantly, this is an exact rendition of the “Feel Good Violence” trope: My Instincts Performed A Wheel Kick.

The protagonist is suddenly and randomly enough good at fighting to not only fight, but win when making their first attempt at a violent altercation. They use techniques which require a fairly high level of dedication and aptitude out of “natural ability” and “instinct”.

Unless you’ve got an ironclad reason for invoking the trope (past lives/ immortality/memory loss/the matrix) it will undercut your narrative credibility in ways the story cannot recover from.

When you’ve cracked your foundation, you’re done.

“The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible,” - Mark Twain

Narrative integrity is based on the rules or limitations we’ve set for ourselves, those limitations are the ironclad rules by which the narrative functions. They exist on two levels: in behavior and actions of characters within the world, and on a secondary level the setting’s behavior around them. Everything in your story must be working to uphold the fiction. When it doesn’t the audience’s “suspension of disbelief” starts to crack. You are beholden to the rules and limitations set down by your setting. Without them, you have no story.

When you’re setting out to create a character, there are four questions you should ask yourself:

1) What can the character do?

2) What can’t the character do?

3) What is the character willing to do but can’t?

4) What can the character do, but is unwilling to?

Within these four circles you have your character, their ethics/morals, and their limitations. That is the box you’ve created for yourself. It is important to own it and abide by it. When dealing with a protagonist, those limitations are not just the foundations of a character but the entire narrative.

Your character cannot fight your antagonist in a one on one and come away with any victory because you have established they don’t know how to. That is a limitation you set for yourself. That the audience knows and understands, so they will expect this character to act in accordance with it. They may want to walk up to the antagonist and kick them in the ribs so hard those ribs break, but they can’t. That desire could be a driving force behind them learning to fight later. As of now, though, their powerlessness in active violent conflict serves to reinforce the antagonist’s position. Reinforcing the antagonist’s position is for the narrative good.

They should be making choices based on the Venn diagram’s center: when what they can do meets what they are willing to do.

If what they can’t do conflicts with what they’re willing to do and they go with it anyway then the result is a failed escape attempt. A captive’s survival is based on their value. If they’re valuable enough for the antagonist to go through the trouble of capturing them in the first place, then they’re probably not going to be killed. At least, not until their value runs through. They lose and wind up back in captivity under more scrutiny, more security, and with fewer exit options. This reminds us why they were captured in the first place, and reinforces our villain’s position.

A protagonist can fail and retain their legitimacy many more times than an antagonist can. While this is a perfectly legitimate narrative outcome, I don’t think its the one you’re looking for.

This is the second issue with your question:

A narrative’s antagonist is its backbone.

Your antagonist is one of the most important pieces of your story, if not the most. They are the lingering threat, the shadow hovering over the story, and the knife at your protagonist’s throat. They are seventy percent threat, and the last thirty relies on their ability to make good on it.

One of the biggest mistakes an author can make is assuming their antagonist’s position in their narrative and the threat they provide are impervious to harm.

Unlike your protagonist, your antagonist is always in a precarious position. They must constantly re-affirm themselves and the threat they represent through their actions. That threat is all consuming and when challenged, it must either be defeated or confirmed.

If defeated, then the threat is gone.

If confirmed, then the threat level is heightened because now we imagine what they might do next.

An antagonist can re-affirm themselves after a defeat, but they’ve got to double down on their effort and create a new threat rather than relying on their old one. You as the author must work harder to make up for what you lost, and even then you’ll never have the initial fear ever again.

The first rule of the antagonist is: your capital is limited, so spend it wisely.

When you undercut an antagonist in favor of the protagonist before its necessary, you damage the antagonist’s credibility and, subsequently, their position in the story. When you lose your antagonist, you lose most of your narrative tension.

A character who doesn’t know how to do something is applying a limitation to the character. You are applying a restriction to what they can and can’t do. If you’re character doesn’t know how to fight, then fighting will be off the table. More importantly, having your character succeed at a skill set they have no experience in doesn’t make them “awesome” or “cool”, it means instead that the other characters who put time and effort into honing these skills suck.

When those characters are your antagonists… that hurts.

If you’ve got a protagonist with no hacking experience who manages to overcome a supposedly great hacker on their first or second go round with no time spent learning how to hack, then who looks bad? The second hacker. They’re the ones who are supposed to be good at hacking. If the narrative hinges on them being a major antagonist, then the author just shot their narrative in the foot.

Combat skills are the same way. They’re a skill set, not an instinct. They don’t come naturally, and take a great deal of time and effort to hone.

If your goal is to show your dangerous antagonist is a bumbling moron when an untrained teenager gets a lucky shot so miraculous they manage to lay them up for the rest of the story, then that’s a job well done.

If your goal is for the antagonist to maintain their credibility within the narrative? Don’t use them for a punching bag.

Violent confrontation is based just as much on threat of force as it is on the follow through. The threat is usually more frightening than what follows, and your protagonist is already challenging the fear by trying to escape. From a narrative perspective, if they get over their fear enough to challenge their antagonist directly then it’s game over. You spent your all capital either at the beginning or midway through the story, and you’re not getting it back.

Remember, your antagonist has to do just as much work to earn their street cred as your protagonist. Their position is a delicate balance of power management and threat of force. They rely on show over tell. They need to live up to whatever it is you’ve been saying about them. They need to be as dangerous as they’ve been puffed up to be, unless their reputation itself is the real antagonist. Never forget, your antagonist (whoever they are/whatever it is) is the backbone of your story. They are often the driving force of action, the reason why the protagonist is struggling, and the focal point. In some ways, they are more important than your protagonist because without them the protagonist’s got a whole lot of nothing.

When you undercut your antagonist, you also hurt your protagonist’s development. You cheat them of their chance for growth, and deny them their ability to show off whatever it is that they’re actually good at i.e. using their bravery, intelligence, and cleverness to sneak out.

If your protagonist beats down their Goliath at the beginning of (or even the middle) of the story then there’s no reason for them to go to the mountain master and learn to throw rocks.

-Michi

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Me as a parent
  • kid: mom tell me a story
  • me: it was the summer of 2001, and Joe meets Patrick and he's like "yo, I know about music." then Patrick's like "yo I know more about music!" "that's impossible. so you wanna start a band?" and Patrick's like, "yeah that's cool." and then, he's like "yo this is a book store not a music store." and then they met at Patrick's house. so Patrick's wearing shorts, socks, and a hat. Patrick is playing drums for some fuckin' reason and then Pete's there for some reason. and they start playing music together and they're like "oh, let's play some covers from some other bands." it was like Green Day, and fuckin' Misfits, and fuckin' Ramones. Pete said to Joe, "yo, that's dope, but we need a fuckin' drummer." because Patrick's playing drums and he's a singer. Patrick's like "yo, I got a soul voice," and they're like "wait how do you have a soul voice?" and he's like "yo, watch this: YEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEeeeeeeeeEEEeeeeeeAAAAAAAAaaaaAAaahhh!" and they're like, "oh my god, that sounds like soul!" so they put it in a song, and it was like, "WHERE IS YOUR BOY TONIIIIIIIiiiiiIIIIIIIIIiiiIIIIIIIGHT?!" and they're like "yo that's fuckin perfect, this is Fall Out Boy." and they made records like Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend. Evening Out With Your Ex-Girlfriend, everybody loves it. "it's called Evening Out With Your Girlfriend." with your ex-girlfriend. it's called evening out with your Ex-girlfriend. it's called eating out your girlfriend, and it's real and it doesn't matter. and Pete talked to Patrick and Joe and he's like "you what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. yo, this is gonna be fuckin' doooooooooope!" so they made a record and it was called Take this to Your Grave. they made it without a drummer, and they had like 3—4 drummers come in. The four drummers they had come in were like Josh Freese, Neil Pert, the dude from Toto, the fourth one was like the guy from Papa Roach or something, and they're like "you, we need Andy Hurley. Andy Hurley. Take This to Your Grave. Fuckin' record it." and he did, and he killed it, and he was like "bigidalililililillillilila, PSHHH!" killin' the skin, tapping the skins, tapping the rim, playin' the shit, killing these bitches, rapping it out. you're getting a fucking tattoo right now?! what the fuck is going on?! We should get signed to Fueled By Ramen, 'cause thee guys know what the fuck is going on. and they were like "yo, if you can make our scene any bigger than it is, which is not fuckin' hard, we will sign you guys." and Pete was like "yo, we got this record that's fuckin' dooooooope, dude, it's called Take This to Your Grave, it's called From Under the Cork Tree it's gonna be fucking huge." and then Patrick's like "I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it artistic, these are three songs that are gonna make the album and it's called-BURP-Thnks Fr th Mmrs, 20 Dollar Nose Bleed, and Sugar, Were Goin' Down. and they made this record that was fuckin' dope, and it fucking hit on the charts like one two three, three two one, three four five six seven eight nine ten. ten to one. From Under the Cork Tree sold like four million records. ten million records. fifteen million records. and Brendon Urie had nothing to do with the entire record. and Patrick was like "that's gooooOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOd." Pete was like, "yo, fuck you I can do whatever I want." and Joe was like, "yeah it's cool man whatever I don't give a shit." and then Andy was like "eh, cool." and Pete was like "Make up is fuckin' great for a guy. because it makes a guy look beautiful, which a lot of times, a guy is not beautiful. and I wanna change that. I wanna make sure everyone thinks that guys are beautiful." I'm good so far yeah. yeah I do. SHUT THE FUCK. oh fuck, alright alright. Pete was like "oh my god, I'm so embarrassed about this dick pic." and then I saw the dick pic and was like "ah it's not bad." it's not a bad dick. let's be real. we made Rollins Stones one issue before Fall Out Boy. and Fall Out Boy made the issue right after us and they were so pissed they were like "yo, fuck you guys!" they're like "yo! Panic! has the fuckin' cover for Rolling Stones, yo, fuck these dudes, we're gonna fucking go miles above. we're gonna hit every fuckin' continent there is known to man." but they didn't because they missed a second of time. apparently they were like "oh shit, we got every continent." and they didn't actually hit it. dude, and Pete was like, "WHAT THE FUCK?! 'oh you didn't fuckin' make the continent' it's like FUCK YOU!" so From Under the Cork Tree happens, we fuckin' have three-four years of awesomeness. like, people are coming in themselves 'cause it's so big. Alright so Fall Out Boy was like-- so Patrick's like "yo, we are going to name these records from under the Cork tree and from Innity-- from infinity on high." Pete was like "yo folie à deux means the theatric of two." "The madness of two." oh sorry I'm sorry. follow boy was like "yo we got to take a break." Meaning Pete was like "yo we got to take a break bro." and Patrick's like "I need time for my music. UHUhUhUHuhUUUh." and joes like "yo I need time to find the fucking art dude I got to find some fucking me-- metal" and andys like "i'm just gonna play with some fucking metal bands." and they're like "all right this breaks been like three years long two years long three years long 3 1/2? we gotta fucking come back man we gotta come back strong." you took my beer away what the fuck? "no you poured it all over yourself." "yeah you poured it on yourself man here." "we got to make this shit legit it's gonna be fucking dope it's going to go fucking sky high. we're going to make a fucking record that sails the skies. we're going to call this record save rock 'n' roll." so they made alone together light 'em up alone together Phoenix. and everybody's like "what the fuck? you're working with this guy who fuckin' recorded Avril Lavigne and P!nk." is this pu-- what the fuck is this on my shirt, did I puke on myself? oh god. Pete was like "yo were gonna end up on a tour with Panic! At The Disco and twenty pilots. and that's all and that's all that matters. and that's just how the fuckin' story goes."
“Let’s go, baby”

I usually don’t do this kind of thing, but I’m itching inside while reading some stuff, and I just really want to put this out there…

Jungkook and Jimin have a close and special relationship. End point. 

See, the thing about the recent event is that, no matter the circumstances, it doesn’t matter if he was quoting a k-drama (as I’ve seen some people attempting to point out, which… Sorry, it’s nice to think about stuff from different perspectives and in an unbiased way, but I just think it was a stupid thing to try and compare to, lmao. Especially if none of them have ever mentioned watching it, so…), what matters is that Jungkook is still younger than Jimin, and therefore, this is uncommon behaviour.

Oh but he could have been joking around”, see, if he’s joking around, he’s still playing with hierarchy. He owes his hyungs respect, and if he’s gone and called Jimin “baby” even if as a joke, it’s because Jimin let him, or if he was opposed to it, Jimin would’ve scolded him immediately, and he didn’t.

IN FACT! Jimin didn’t even flinch. He didn’t react. Jimin reacted to it as naturally as the speed of which the pet name came out of Jungkook’s mouth. It was normal for both of them. The act itself is bold. What’s so difficult to understand?

Oh, but he could’ve been talking to Taehyung!” 

Sorry but no, Jungkook wasn’t talking to Taehyung. Taehyung was right beside him, and when he spoke, he spoke louder and looked behind him - precisely at where Jimin was standing - to speak. If he was speaking to Taehyung, he wouldn’t need to look behind him, to where Jimin was. He would plainly and simply look beside him, where Taehyung was, which was much simpler and easier to do. Also, it was Jimin who was ‘holding them back’ because he was the one taking pictures and taking his time when both Jungkook and Taehyung were already ready to go. So, yes, he talked to Jimin.

And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but no, he was not talking to or about the ocean. I mean??? Do I even need to go there? Yeah, I thought so.

Thing is: Why is it so hard for some people to just accept the fact that Jungkook acts in a certain way with Jimin that:

- Is uncommon in between boys in Korea;

- Is uncommon when HE is the youngest in the pair. Jungkook is the maknae, he is Jimin’s dongsaeng. Jungkook is in (technically) a lower position in relation to Jimin. 

Jimin doting on Jungkook, or any of the hyungs really, is common behaviour because Jungkook is the baby, he is the youngest. They will dote on him.

But the fact that some of the shit Junkook says (like speaking informally, calling Jimin princess, manggaetteok, baby) is not normal for the YOUNGEST to say/call/tell to his ELDER, and that is what is so telling.

It’s not the pet names themselves, it’s the fact that they’ve acquired such intimacy and comfort with each other that Jimin lets him do it and get away with it. And not only that, but Jimin is also comfortable with it. If he wasn’t so, he would’ve stopped Jungkook a long time ago. 

So really, the main point here is: the things that Jungkook does to Jimin, he doesn’t do to any of his other hyungs, and the things he does to Jimin, they’re uncommon. It’s a breach in hierarchy, and this is what’s shocking and this, per se, is what speaks so loud about their dynamics and relationship. They’re close. Maybe the closest in the band, and no one can deny it.

I’m not making any assumptions in here, see? I’m just plainly stating facts. For Jungkook to be able to do such thing is because Jimin lets him. And for Jimin to let him, it’s because they’re close. End point.

I have no idea if they are dating or not, I don’t even feel comfortable saying it, this is not even what this post is about.

What I’m trying to say here and I’m rambling is just that I don’t get people being so salty and annoying over facts and why people keep trying to deny facts. They are close. Jikook are close, and that’s it. Just get over it. 

Even if as a joke, even if as a quote, it’s still the dongsaeng calling his hyung baby. It’s the act. It’s the dynamics. @satellite-jeon has spoken about this so many times now, and she explained it well enough in her last post

So, please. I’m not trying to prove shit with this, I’m just trying to say that Jimin and Jungkook have a special relationship. Be it platonic, be it romantic, be it professional, be it whatever. They have something special. 

Just get over it. 

burningocean  asked:

Top 5 Soukoku moments ? 😎

Hi Ann, look at what you’ve done. Thank you for the pain. 

1. “I used Corruption because I trusted you”. All this scene is sort of heartbreaking. Chuuya trusts Dazai so much it physically pains me. He hasn’t used Corruption in FOUR YEARS, and then Dazai comes and says “let’s do it like the old times” / “yes, why not, I’ll just put my life in your hands like I did countless of times despite the fact that you betrayed me and I haven’t heard from you in FOUR FRIGGING YEARS and I could literally die in front of your eyes”. WHO DOES THAT????????? Chuuya Nakahara, apparently. That being said, I can’t believe my favorite skk moment is also the moment that makes me raging THE MOST. Of course I’m still outrageously bitter because Dazai literally called him partner, folded his clothes (yes, I’m bringing back the vintage receipts here), washed his face from the blood and then…left him there??? WHAT THE FUCK DAZAI???

2. When they pull the power couple aesthetic. When they actually work together as a team, they are mesmerizing to watch. You can see that the roots of their partnership are still there, that they know each other so much that sometimes they don’t even need words to communicate. They are not Soukoku for nothing, after all. 

Originally posted by princelelouchs

Originally posted by nikforovs

3. When Chuuya fake killed Dazai (aka, Soukoku in a nutshell). Ah this is such a powerful moment, the cherry on top of a scene where Dazai did everything he could to push Chuuya on the verge of murder, just to see him almost doing it. I can’t help but think how liberating this gesture must have been for Chuuya, he finally let out a little bit of his frustration (that’s why he was there in the first place. After four years he’s still bugged by him, he still wants some sort of revenge, he still needs a closure Dazai is not willing to give him). But that’s it. You can say you’ll kill him all you want, my little Chuuya, but will you really? I don’t think so, because you care and love him so much it’s almost painful to watch. And if you, Dazai, could stop toying with him every chance you get, I’d really appreciate it. Thank you very much.

4. Every time Dazai reminds Chuuya that he knows everything about him. Tell us more about those moves and those thrusts Dazai, we’re all ears. 

5. DORKS. First of all, I want Dazai saying “CHUUUYAAAAAA” as the sound people hear passing next to my grave. Second. I feel so robbed because in the manga Dazai actually laugh his ass off at Chuuya’s “little rich girl” impression. 

Originally posted by seieiryu

Originally posted by zoemichaelisphantomhive

- bonus: all the official art involving them is a blessing sent from the gods, I think that Bones ships them as much as we do if not more (remember the park date one? HONESTLY). But there’s one that has has a special place in my heart:

LISTEN. L I S T E N. I could talk about this art literally for two days straight because ??? You can try to convince me all you want, but this is made to be somehow romantic. Look at the way Dazai is tilting his chin up, it looks like he’s waiting for a kiss. And Chuuya is looking in our direction but if he was to look down he’ll be right above Dazai’s lips and ???? WHAT THE FUCK??? Not to mention what’s probably the most fucked up thing here that is THE FLOWERS. It’s a Camellia Japonica, or Japanese Quince, and they are the symbol of love, temptation, passion and deep desire. That’s it y’all. I’m out. I don’t even know what to say anymore. Soukoku might not be canon, but sure as hell they are baiting it…a lot. 

Thank you for your message!

Ask me my top 5 things!

  • *Aelin, Lorcan, and company sitting at a table*
  • Aelin: *kicks Lorcan's leg*
  • Lorcan: *glares at her*
  • Aelin: *continues kicking*
  • Lorcan: *Looks around to see if anyone noticed. Everyone noticed but they're pretending not to*
  • Aelin: *Kicks more*
  • Lorcan: *Under his breath* Cut it out
  • Elide: Did you say something Lorcan?
  • Lorcan: No, no...
  • Aelin: *continues kicking*
  • Lorcan: *Death glare*
  • Elide: Lorcan, what's wrong with you? Why are you brooding more than usual?
  • Aelin: Yeah you seem a little irritated, do you need some coffee?
  • Lorcan: ...no, I'm good
  • Aelin: *waits a bit and kicks him again*
  • Lorcan: *kicks her back and they start to engage in kicking war*
  • Lorcan: *Gets pissed so he kicks her so hard the table shakes*
  • Aelin: *Leaping backwards* OWWW
  • Elide: Aelin, are you okay?
  • Aelin: *pointing* LORCAN KICKED ME!!!
  • Elide: WTF Lorcan why would you do that?
  • Lorcan: But she kicked me first!!! *he realizes that he sounds like a two year old*
  • Aelin: :) :) :)
Listen up folks...

I’m not gonna talk about what sparked this rant. It doesn’t matter. What does matter is what I’m about to say.

I’m freaking done with the hate.

This SPN Family is supposed to be encouraging, accepting, we’re supposed to at least try to get along. Apparently that’s too hard. Now I could rant for hours about how some people in the SPN Family are treating eachother, but that’s for another time. This rant is going to be about one thing, the hate that the wives of the two leaders of this SPN Family receive. For this post I’m going to focus on one of the wives in particular…Danneel Ackles.

Once again as the Ackles family was nice enough to share parts of their life with us, people decide to be douchebags. This time Jensen isn’t happy with his life because he isn’t smiling in the photo of him & JJ. Also apparently comparing his kids to the comedy & tragedy is just a terrible thing to do. Oh, did you also hear that the twins might not be his because he said “my” twins instead of “our” twins. This is all Danneel’s fault too because she makes Jensen hate his life.

She can’t do anything right in the eyes of some people and it’s pissing me off. What did she do to cause so much hate? Now is the part when I ramble on about all she’s done…

She told her husband to go to a convention for the fans a few days after giving birth to twins.

Jensen told the story about finding out about the twins…JJ gave him a letter about it when he arrived at the airport…meaning he couldn’t be at the doctor appoint. How many doctor appointments do you think he had to miss because of filming?

She uses her “celebrity” to bring awareness to different events and situations going on in the world. I didn’t know about the Yulin dog festival until she talked about it. She does different work for a variety of charities, freaking google it if you don’t believe it.

Her husband is in a different country for the majority of the year while she stays back home in Austin. Have you ever had your husband away for a long period of time? Cause I have. It sucks. I complained about it on social media ALL THE TIME, but she never does.

She was a working woman in Hollywood. IMDb that shit. She was a steady worker in Hollywood however she slowed down/stopped when they had JJ.

Think of all the times she’s been out with her husband, cause that’s what Jensen is, he’s not “omg Jensen Ackles TV star”, he’s Jensen, the pain in the butt who forgot to take out the trash or forgot to grab the milk when he ran to the stores. Think about how many times she’s probably been out with him & had to deal with people coming up to talk to him. Now think about how many times this has happened & people have ignored her existence or used her as nothing more then a photo taker. Fans don’t mean too, but that shit probably happens more often then you think. I would get so sick of that.

Did I forget to mention how Jensen freaking lights up whenever someone brings up Danneel? CAUSE I WITNESSED IT IN PERSON A FEW WEEKS AGO & HE LEGIT LOOKS LIKE A TEENAGER IN LOVE WHEN SOMEONE TALKS ABOUT HER!

But no.

Apparently we’re supposed to hate her just cause.

Now is when the “haters” start to go, “you just like her because of who she’s married to.”

No haters.

No.

I knew about Danneel before I knew about Jensen. I know Danneel from One Tree Hill but I started to admire her when she hosted Maxim’s Hot 100 in 2009. She was the really pretty model/actress that I looked up to because she was funny & pretty. It wasn’t until I started watching Supernatural in 2015 that I had the “holy cow they’re married to each other” moment.

So.

To sum up this rant; you don’t have to like Danneel, just don’t be a dick. If you admire Jensen as a human, don’t disrespect his wife or his family.

Basically if you wouldn’t go up to a person & say it to their face, don’t say it. Plus why bother wasting your time hating something when you could spend your time on something you love?

End rant.

Another 100 Random RP Starters

- does include some swearing; feel free to edit when sending in an ask to fit character’s speech

  • “No. No, no, no. Don’t you dare try to pin the blame on me.”
  • “Did you even bother to think about the consequences?”
  • “Listen here you useless paperclip!”
  • “Meerkats are murderous little bastards.”
  • “For the record, I hate everything.”
  • “Do you even remember me?”
  • “Did you know the guy who wrote Sherlock Holmes may have killed a man?”
  • “I’m going to join NASA and fling myself into the sun.”
  • “I hope you know what you’re getting into.”
  • “Please don’t. Just… don’t.”

Keep reading

🎶🎶When You Collect Records🎶🎶
  • Hipster: *moves dusty old boxes out of the way* Whoa, an old record player. It looks like it's in working order too! *runs outside*
  • Hipster: Yo, dad!
  • Dad: What?
  • Hipster: We're getting rid of all of poppop's stuff, right?
  • Dad: There's something you want, isn't there?
  • Hipster: There's this old stereo record player in the attic.
  • Dad: What do you need a record player for?
  • Hipster: My record collection.
  • Dad: I didn't even know they still made those things. Can't you just listen to music on your phone?
  • Hipster: Dad, there's a big difference between listening to music digitally and on record.
  • Dad: Fine, I don't wanna get into it with you right now. You can take the record player. You just have to get someone else to take it to your place for you. My truck's full.
  • Hipster: Thanks dad! *smooches dad on the cheek*
  • *later at hipster's apartment*
  • Friend: So, like Patch Adams ends with Patch Adams half-naked in front of a ton of people. I don't know if it was meant to be funny or like a weird sex thing, but like the movie was just a deeply disturbing character study. I can't stop thinking about it.
  • Hipster: That sounds boring. *unlocks door to apartment* Ta-da! Here it is! My new record player!
  • Friend: New? Looks fucking old to me, dude.
  • Hipster: Well, it is old. That's the appeal. And we're going to listen to the new Sufjan record on it.
  • Friend: Is that actually how you say Sufjan? Apparently, I've been pronouncing it wrong this whole time.
  • Hipster: Well, you won't after this record. There's an entire track where he just says his name for four minutes. It's amazing. *plays records*
  • Record Player: *coughs* Hello. Hello! Where am I? Doctor? Hello! Why is it so dark...............................Can I breathe? I can't breath. Oh god, I'm not breathing! Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! I.....................................
  • Hipster: Uh, that's not Sufjan.
  • Friend: It totally isn't. Is it some guest vocalist? I like the new direction he's going in. No instruments or singing, and long stretches of silence. Very experimental.
  • Hipster: *stops record player* I think maybe we should do something else for now.
  • Friend: Fucking lame! I wanted to listen to more Sufjan.
  • *days later at the record store*
  • Hipster: Yo, I think the Sufjan Stevens record I bought from here might be some kind of mispress.
  • Store Clerk: Really? It's a pretty major album. I doubt there'd just be a mispress like that.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but listen to it. It's not Sufjan at all. It's some girl talking.
  • *hipster and clerk listen to a completely normal Sufjan Stevens album together*
  • Store Clerk: What are you talking about? This is definitely Sufjan Stevens.
  • Hipster: Okay, but it wasn't like that when I listened to it at home! I even listened to it with my friend and he heard the same thing!
  • Store Clerk: Maybe there's something wrong with your record player.
  • Hipster: Hmm, maybe there is.
  • *back at the apartment*
  • Hipster: *turns on record player and just listens*
  • Record Player: ...I'm awake again. Why did I black out? Did I even black out? God, I'm not breathing, but it doesn't matter. Why don't I need to breathe? Am I even alive?
  • Hipster: Can you hear me?
  • Record Player: Doctor. Doctor! DOCTOR! Why can't I move? Why can't I feel anything. Keep yourself together. It'll all make sense soon. Calm down. Just breathe deeply. Fuck, I can't breathe! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I CAN'T BREATHE! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! HELP! HELP ME, PLEASE! I'M STUCK! I CAN'T MOVE! PLEASE HELP ME!
  • Hipster: *turns off record player* It's just a recording, I bet. I can't believe I talked to it like an idiot... *nervously turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: I blacked out again. I blacked out. For how long? Is there even time here? Hell. This is hell, right? Did I go to hell.........................................
  • Hipster: *listens to the record player for hours*
  • Record Player: Negative 6893 bottles of wine on the wall! Negative 6893 bottles of wine! Take one down, pass it around, Negative 6894 bottles of wine on the wall... fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
  • Hipster: *keeps listening*
  • Record Player: Soul of Christ, make me holy, Body of Christ, be my salvation. God, please forgive me. I'm sorry for all of my sins. Please free me. I'm so sorry. Please. Please. Please.
  • Hipster: *still listening*
  • Record Player: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! SHITTY DOCTOR! FUCK YOU! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! *sobs intensely* FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK EVERYTHING! Please just let me go.
  • Hipster: *nervously walks up to record player and lightly taps on it*
  • Record Player: ...A knock. A KNOCK! PLEASE HELP ME! I'M STUCK! PLEASE! *record player begins shake violently*
  • Hipster: *backs away in fear*
  • Record Player: HELP! HELP! HELP ME! PLEASE, IF SOMEONE'S THERE, HELP ME! HELP ME! I'M STUCK! GET ME OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!
  • Hipster: *unplugs record player*
  • Hipster: *gets hammer from the closet and begins to break apart record player*
  • Record Player: *drips red*
  • Hipster: W-What? *cracks front of record player open*
  • *rotting viscera falls from the record player*
  • Hipster: O-Oh... *stuffs viscera back into the record player and duct tapes over it*
  • Hipster: *turns record player back on*
  • Record Player: ...I can feel. It hurts. Why does it hurt now? Why does it hurt? Why? Why? Why? WHY!? WHY!? WHY!? *spurts blood through it speakers and begins to gurgle*
  • Record Player: *hops forward* Please just let me go. Please... please. I'll do anything. I just want to see you again. I'm so sorry. This isn't what I asked for. I'm so sorry. *hops forward again and comes unplugged*
  • Record Player: *tips over, bleeding heavily onto the carpet*
  • Hipster: *silently cleans up the mess*
  • *some time later*
  • Hipster: *calls dad* Hey, dad. Oh, nothing. Uh, I just need to borrow your truck, If not tonight sometime this week. I just need to get rid of something. No, no, that's fine, I can do it myself. Yeah, tomorrow morning is perfect. Thanks Love you too. Bye.
  • *the next afternoon*
  • Dad: So, what did you need to get rid of this morning?
  • Hipster: Nothing important. Just some old junk... Dad, what kind of person was poppop?
  • Dad: Well, he was only the greatest man I've known in my life. Really caring, dedicated to his family. When you were born he loved you so much. He was a bit of a loner, though. It took a lot to get him to open up. Even around me and your grandmother. He was a bit like you. Always a huge music lover.
  • Hipster: I see. Was he ever a doctor?
  • Dad: That's a weird thing to ask. Nope. He hated doctors. Didn't trust modern medicine one bit. It's ironic. His cancer probably wouldn't have gotten to him if he did. But, your poppop was always so stubborn.
  • Hipster: Oh, okay then.
  • *some days later*
  • Friend: New carpet?
  • Hipster: Yup, old one was ugly wasn't it. It was time for a change.
  • Friend: That's what I've been telling you! I'm glad you finally came to your senses. What happened to your record player, though?
  • Hipster: That thing? I threw it away. It was busted.
  • Friend: That sucks. Are you gonna buy a new one?
  • Hipster: No.
  • Friend: But you won't have anything to play your records on.
  • Hipster: Yeah, but I buy records because I want to support the artists. They're not really for listening. Besides, lossless is better. FLAC is the future.

anonymous asked:

ok everyone is constantly on about neil and allison and neil and matt but WHERE are my discussions on neil and kevin?? don't even TRY and tell me they're not lowkey besties

OH MY FUCKING GOD MY GUY,,, DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED i wrote a whole fucking essay on neil and kevin trying to get into the extra josten squad i’m never ok. anyway even tho i said don’t get me started,,,, im getting started

OK. LIKE. their relationship is so fucky to start with. neil looks at kevin and sees everything he could have had. he’s just… jealous in a lot of ways. but it takes him like 0 time to realise that actually, kevin’s life has been pretty shit, and he’s IMMEDIATELY protective of kevin. like,, he’s so pissed off at kevin for pressuring him into being on kathy’s show but he totally gets where he’s coming from and as soon as riko starts being an asshat he’s just like “you know what? my life isn’t worth anything. i’ll give it up for kevin. no question.” no doubt, he’s a ride or die motherfucker and he gives it all up for kevin

LOOK AT THIS!!! THIS ISN’T BC OF A DEAL OR SOMETHING!! NEIL’S JUST LIKE. NO. WE’RE ON THE SAME TEAM. #FUCKRIKO2K17 

he doesn’t even last two pages and then he’s just. so fucking pissed he literally can’t even let riko talk anymore. what kind of a gem

oh my god and this is just like… the start. this is the first book. this is pretty much the first time neil shows any type of care for anything except surviving this year. he was gonna run away before he even saw riko, and here riko’s not looking at him and he paints a target on his back for kevin??? i love him

alright and that’s not all. it’s not just neil adopting kevin. kevin straight up adopts that boy too. he loves neil for his exy, and he’s certain he’ll make court, but do you see him inviting anyone else to practice at night? nope. AND AS SOON AS KEVIN FINDS OUT THAT NEIL IS NATHANIEL HE DOES THE SAME THING he doesn’t defy riko or smth not yet but

HE STRAIGHT UP ADOPTS NEIL RIGHT BACK!!! and i dont even have to show u guys this quote its the fucking apex of their relationship-

OH MY GODDDDD he believes so much in neil!!!! he’s so fucking upset that neil can’t have a future. he wants that for our boy as much as we do; like nothing else that has happened has hurt kevin that much. 

and they see themselves in each other. they SEE that they’re basically just alternate timelines of each other - that one small difference could have made either one of them into the other

a BUNCH of their compassion for each other comes because they know what they’re looking at. they’re looking at themselves, if there had been one small change in their lives. and both of them know that it wouldn’t have been good either way - both routes were torture in different ways. kevin has a future, but the moriyamas will always be hanging over them; neil was free for a while, but it won’t last. they KNOW that for each other and that fuels them. there’s a bond there that just can’t be ignored ok??

ALSO. LETS NOT FORGET. KEVIN OFFERED TO NOT DRINK FOR NEIL! JUST IF NEIL WANTED TO DRINK!!

even nicky comments like “kevin has CLEARLY just done something nice for neil but kevin’s a BRAT” like. kevin cares so fucking much,, he’s like “you know what? if i were in neil’s shoes i would already be fucking wasted. idk if it will help but if he wants to he should be able to. i got u, bro.” what a BOY. i love him they’re the best friends

and okay if anyone needs more- i swear i’m wrapping this post up - when neil thinks about his future, he sees andrew. obviously. BUT HE ALSO SEES KEVIN THERE.

they’re straight up best friends and brothers and i fucking love them

and as a last point, this is extra content instead of book-canon, but

NEIL IS AS IMPORTANT TO KEVIN AS THEA IS. MIKE DROPPED. MY BOYS.

snaphound  asked:

i'm curious: do you think the animorphs could have won if they were adults? marco starts out as the only one with the maturity to understand death; it's sort of because the others don't have that understanding that they're so eager to fight. jake NEEDS to idealize past soldiers/leaders in order to keep himself, well, 'good', acting like he thinks they did, as much as he can. what do you think??

Interesting premise. Let’s suppose the Animorphs are five adults—thirty-three, let’s say, instead of thirteen—who encounter Elfangor as they walk home from where they were getting a few drinks at the local bar. 

Suppose Marco is a smart-mouthed lawyer with more secrets and lies than genuine wins in his resume.  Suppose Rachel works as a graphic designer for a fashion magazine by day, but she lives for the nights when she goes surfing in the moonlight swells off the California coast or skiing at breakneck speeds in the Canada Rockies.  Suppose Tobias has been an adjunct professor at the local college for five years now and suspects he’s headed nowhere despite his Ph.D., whereas Jake is a high school dropout rocketing up through the ranks of his contracting firm thanks to his canny leadership skills.  Suppose Cassie’s in night school so that she can continue as a vet tech, always exhausted and always telling herself it’s all worth it.  Suppose they’re joined two weeks after the war begins by War-Prince Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, who got his own self out from under the ocean without calling for help.   

  • The first thing the Animorphs do is fly north and tell the governor about the invasion.  She calls the National Guard, the president, and the United Nations.  Within a month, the yeerks have doubled their force on Earth and the two species are in open total war.
  • The U.N. appoints a military commander to oversee the Animorphs, a five-star general with thirty years of combat experience.  Jake and Ax both salute him and call him “sir,” but they’re the only ones. Cassie calls him by his first name when she asks about his family.  Rachel and Marco hold side conversations in whispered thought-speak throughout his briefings.  Tobias sits in the back of the room, either preening feathers or doodling on his intel packet depending on what form he’s in.  Every time he gives them an order they thank him, leave the room, and then look at Jake to find out whether or not they should obey it.  
  • The war wears on for months, then years, and the humans lose steadily. 
    • Here’s the thing that it takes the U.S. and the U.N. a dangerously long time to adapt to: every time they lose a soldier, they lose every single scrap of intelligence contained within that soldier’s brain.  Every single time they’re forced to leave a man behind, they lose every base that person has ever visited, every file that person has ever seen, every scrap of knowledge once kept secret in that brain.  The humans start equipping their soldiers with cyanide capsules; the yeerks start gagging hosts the instant they’re captured.  
    • Here’s the other thing they don’t figure out until it’s too late: even hardened soldiers balk at shooting their own friends and neighbors and siblings.  Even the ones with years of training will hesitate to shoot a child.  The yeerks know this, and they take advantage.
  • David is the son of the deputy director of the NSA, placed with the team in a blatant act of nepotism after he finds the morphing cube.  Rachel gets dishonorably discharged in the aftermath of the “accident” that causes his death.
  • Dissent starts to grow large within the ranks of the humans.  Several believe that the yeerks come in peace; several more believe that the humans should stop fighting and negotiate a truce.  There are still pockets of people who insist that there are no such thing as aliens, and the whole thing is made up to target certain types of people as “controllers.”  
  • The yeerks take the entire Eastern seaboard of the U.S. and Canada.  There are simply too many people, too densely packed; the human military cannot protect those areas.  The humans retreat to the Midwest and Mexico.  
  • Visser One gets put in charge of the invasion force, quietly moving Madra and Darwin offworld in the process.  Marco and Rachel, acting against orders, infiltrate her base and kill her and nearly sixty other high-ranking controllers before they are themselves gunned down.  The U.N. erects a statue in their honor, makes fifty other morph-capable soldiers to take their place, and keeps fighting.
  • Jake and Cassie marry.  She gets pregnant twice during the war, and knows that she can’t afford to keep either pregnancy. She never tells Jake about this.  Later, they will divorce in the last weeks of the war.
  • Visser Three once again takes over the invasion of Earth; he thrives at open war.  He bargains and threatens and calmly assures the human forces that they will lose, and that there is only one way to avoid death.  All they have to do is walk to the nearest yeerk compound, surrender, and let one of his warriors take away all their worry and pain.  
  • The human race is dwindling.  There is no other way around it.  The yeerks kill humans because they already have more hosts than they need, and the humans kill humans every time they succeed in bombing a yeerk base or shooting a controller.  The species has already been decimated; everyone fears that within a decade it will be annihilated.  
    • The humans destroy a Blade ship.  Forty humans and eighteen hork-bajir die.  
    • Visser Three gets revenge by turning his dracon canon on China’s east coast.  Two hundred million humans die.  
    • The humans blow up a yeerk pool.  Two hundred thirty-eight humans die.
    • The yeerks blow up Rio de Janeiro.  Twelve million humans die.  
    • So it goes.
  • The human armies take refuge in Brazil and Argentina, in Tanzania and Angola and the DRC. The yeerks have control over the entire northern hemisphere.  Communications between the two continents are constantly intercepted.  Jake and Cassie and Ax go on mission after mission after mission, no one bothering to tell them what to do anymore.  Tobias comes sometimes; more and more since Rachel’s death he’s nowhere to be found.  
  • Food runs short. Electricity runs out.  In the heat of the summers and the cold of the winters, in the times when a few handfuls of dried sorghum are all that can go around, dozens of humans quietly slip away.  The controllers are well-fed, well-equipped, well taken care of.  All it takes to earn safety and comfort is to give up your soul.  
  • Three years pass this way, and the andalites finally arrive.  
    • They are merciful: they rescue the few hundred free humans who remain before they blow up the planet.  

anonymous asked:

What's your favorite recipe?

not combat rations, thats for sure. ive had enough of those for a lifetime. 

but my latest food hit has been pretzel bites. pretzels are an awesome food but rarely available fresh when i want to eat them, which is usually when i’ve woken up in the middle of the night. they’re relatively labor-intensive to make, which is good once the insomnia sets in. keeps me busy. plus, pretzels are sweet on the inside, salty on the outside, just like me. except im also salty on the inside. dont listen to steve.

when i make pretzels, it’s by the metric ton, so the recipe i have makes approximately a million of them.probably you will not want this many, because you don’t have thor or steve to help you eat them. or clint. probably you could just shove some into a vaccum cleaner instead, thatd be about the same. so divide the recipe in half or quarters for normal human consumption. take 11 cups of flour, 1 cup of brown sugar, ½ cup of oil and mix. 4 cups of warm water gets 11 teaspoons of yeast and sits for a bit, then goes in the flour mix. then mix it and let it rise for about an hour. the dough should be sticky to the touch and absolutely awful to get out of your metal fingers. while you wait, wander your living area for some poor sucker to rope into helping you, because stage 2 is easier with help. or you can sit down and wonder why you talk yourself into doing things like this. consider your choices. it’s already too late to go back to sleep; youve got dough rising.

get a deep fry pan or sauce pan and fill with about two inches of water. bring it to a rolling boil on the stove and add in three or so tablespoons of baking soda. you really can’t do too much of that, as long as the water’s not getting super cloudy. preheat the oven to 400 degrees. wake steve up and tell him he has to help. 

get a couple egg yolks in a bowl with a basting brush, and find some kosher salt or sea salt. grease up a few pans. 

flour a surface and roll the dough out until it’s between ½ and ¼ in thick. get your poor unsuspecting minion to cut out bite sized bits. i use an inch and a half circle cookie cutter, but you can use whatever you want, really. tony used a laser cutter last time i let him help, which was…not ideal.

drop the cut outs into the boiling soda water, and let them sit for a few seconds, then fish them out. you can use your robot hand for that, but again, you’ll be getting dough out of it for days. i let them drip dry on a cookie drying sheet, but you could also drop them on a clean dishtowel i guess. you just dont want them to be wet when you put them on the cookie sheet. 

they’re not gonna expand a ton, so just stuff em up close to each other on the sheet. paint the tops with egg yolks and sprinkle with salt. pop em in the oven for 10-15 min or until golden brown. 

repeat the boiling-and-baking until you want to die, then keep going until you run out of dough. while the last batch is baking, take a half a stick of butter, a quarter cup of flour and make a roux in a saucepan. add two cups of milk and two cups of cheddar cheese, some salt and pepper to taste, and a quarter cup of mustard, give or take. im showing you how much to use with my hands but you cant see it. sorry, i dont really measure stuff most of the time. heat and stir till it’s melty and amazing, and dip pretzels on in there. 

by the time you have completed this process and eaten as many pretzel bites as you want–and there will be enough. it’s a dang big recipe–you will want to enter a food coma and sleep forever. or for 70 years or so.

there. insomnia fixed.