and then they all ate pie

Cutthroat Kitchen -- A Summary
  • Alton Brown:*auctions off lemon meringue pie*
  • Chef 1:*buys pie for $160 trillion dollars and gives it to Chef B* u look like u can handle this ;) ;) ;) ;)
  • Chef B:it OK i once ate a slice lemon meringue pie at my gran mama's when i was 8 yrs old so i kno exactly how to incorporate this into my chicken parmesean
  • Chef C:im super duper stoked i didnt get given this auction bc im already handcuffed naked to an elvis impersonator inside a fish tank n i have to do all my cooking on this antique shotgun from altons basement that he used to shoot cats when he was in middle school :)

According to SBS vol 73: Straw hat member’s dislike food:

Luffy hates Cherry Pie (don’t have any reason)

Zoro hates Chocolate - because it’s too sweet.

Sanji hates Konnyaku (Konjac) -  because it’s not nutritious/ low calor

Nami hate Orangette (a kind of Orange Candy with Dark Chocolate) - because she likes to eat FRUIT in their own original form)

Usopp hates Mushroom - because he once ate a poisonous one.

Chopper hates all the kind of spices - because they are not SWEET.

Robin hates gamu (chewing gum) - because she can’t swallow it.

Franky hates Mashmallow - because they are not solid/hard.

Brook hates Lemon - because his face is impossible to express the sour emotion.

My brother ate two Christmas pies so now he has to eat two more.

Hey. You might remember my turd of a little brother from when he ate all my Halloween candy so I forced him to watch 40 minutes of nothing but commercials.

I’m back home for the holidays, and that little sh*t is back at it again. Our angel of a grandmother, who cooked Christmas dinner two days ago, brought two pies for dessert. Everyone was stuffed, so she couldn’t even give that shit away, and left the pies for my family to eat at our leisure.

Fast forward to today, and my father opens the refrigerator and looks in the bags to find two empty pie tins. Just left there. Empty. As if to mock him.

Haunted by unfulfilled hopes of apple crumbcake and pumpkin pie, he went apeshit yelling at my little brother. That motherfucker ate one whole pie the day after Christmas, then the other whole pie yesterday. No one got a single piece. I honestly don’t even know how he did it– it must’ve been while my dad was napping and I was running errands– twice. TWICE. TWO DAYS IN A ROW. This kid is 19 years old. He went to preschool but apparently failed to retain the concept of “sharing.”

As my dad kept yelling, Chris’s remorseless laughter kept escaping. Because he is a monster.

After threatening physical violence over the loss of pie, my dad exited the house. I assumed it was to cool down, but I was wrong. He comes back into the house with two pies. Oh, good, I thought, He’ll make Chris watch while we eat pie and he gets none.

Wrong. That brilliant, pie-loving bastard instructs me to take a slice for myself and a slice or him, and then makes Chris sit down at the table. He must now eat one and a half pies without getting up from the table. They’re both apple and I hope he doesn’t barf. He says he’s feeling fine but he still has a whole pie to go.

Petty Revenge: Internet`s best petty revenge stories are here. | source

"Thundercats Are Go!" One Shot
Author: ooohesslimandalittlebitfoxy

Original Imagine Link:  Imagine Dean panicking when you tell him your water broke and Sam having to calm him down &  Imagine Cas freaking out when you tell him your water broke.

Warnings: Pregnancy/Labour

Fic & Link to Fic: Link (1416 words)

“Dammit! Who ate the last of the pie?”

The frustrated growl emanating from the kitchen caused you to pause, fork dangling tantalisingly close to your mouth. You look down at the pie tray resting on your belly and are not at all surprised to discover that, bar a small sliver, it was empty.

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i bought a whole frozen cheesecake last night because i’m young and in my 20s and figuring out life. i opened it just now and it’s packaged in just the absolute worst way. like it came in a cardboard box and i was thinking, you know, i’m gonna get a nice plastic lid, at least an aluminum pie tin. nope. this thing came out of the box in plastic wrap sitting on a piece of cardboard thinner than a sheet of paper. like what the hell? it looks like a bootleg cheesecake. like someone packed cocaine into a cheesecake shape and tried to smuggle it in this box. i opened it and i’m eating it and i’ve never been more stressed out while eating cheesecake. all i’m thinking is “how the hell am i going to put this away? this was clearly meant to be thawed out while a group of seven people ate dinner and then served on a tray. it wasn’t for one person to buy and then slowly eat for lunch every day over the course of a week.” it doesn’t even taste good to me, it’s tainted by this looming chore i’m gonna have to do. i think i would rather be forced to try and hide a body. that sounds easier than neatly putting away this cheesecake. this is why as a kid you don’t get to decide what you buy in the grocery store. i’m still not ready. i failed the cheesecake test.

Great Minds Think Alike

Requested by Anonymous
Written at spnfanficskatoli

Author: Assbutt

Character: Dean

Reader gender: female

Warnings: SMUT, fluff, cussing, it’s kinda long but totally worth reading

“Dammit.” You whispered to yourself.

“What is it?” Dean came into the kitchen behind you as you closed the fridge.

“You ate all the pie!” You groaned.

“Um yeah. It’s pie.” Dean laughed.

“I like pie too!”

“Well I LOOOOOVE pie.” Dean stepped closer and stared down at you.

You stood with him chest to chest, glaring at him. “You should go buy some more.” You ordered.

“Make me.” Dean smirked.

“I’m just gonna threaten you.”

“There is nothing that you can hold over me, (y/n).” Dean laughed.

“I will put passwords on all your porn websites.” You folded your arms, waiting for a response.

He groaned and grabbed his keys, “What flavor?”

************

“Here’s your damn pie.” Dean put the plastic and foil container on the table in front of you.

“Dean, you ate more than half!” You laughed and punched his arm.

“What? I told you I love pie.”

Sam walked into the room, “You guys are a pair to draw to.”

“No way.” You laughed.

“Yeah, you guys could be twins in personality and likes and what not.” Sam shrugged.

You and Dean both rolled your eyes at him and scoffed.

“See!” Sam laughed.

“That’s proves nothing.” You shook your head and started eating your pie.

***********

“Well, shit.” You sighed, looking at your last shirt that you owned that could be worn in public.

You walked out into the main room of the bunker, “Shopping time boys, this is my last shirt. And if this one gets ruined, I have nothing to wear.”

“No complaints here.” Dean said, looking at you with a dorky smile.

“Oh my god. Okay, am I going alone or do you guys need anything?” You sighed.

“Yeah, I’m running low too. Sammy?” Dean looked to Sam.

“I’m good.” Sam’s eyes stayed glued to his book. “You two have fun.” He waved you guys off and you left.

The impala roared to life and it always gave you chills at how beautiful it sounded.

“Baby sounds good today.” Dean smiled and pulled out of the driveway, heading towards the closest shopping center.

**********

“We brought grub!” Dean called as the two of you walked down the stairs into the bunker.

“Let me guess, burgers?” Sam folded his arms.

“We got you a salad.” You sighed.

You and Dean spoke in unison, “Geez, Sammy.”

“You guys are exactly alike!” Sam repeated from the other day.

“Are not!” You and Dean denied at the same time. It just made Sam burst into laughter.

You set all your shopping bags on the table next to Dean’s and started pulling the food out.

“What did you guys buy?” Sam started picking through both your bags.

“Just what we needed.” Dean took a bite out of his burger.

“Oh my god!” Sam laughed. “You guys got matching plaid shirts!” He looked at the both of you with just this- look.

“SAM! So what?! Will you give it up already?! God.” You groaned.

“Sorry.” Sam hung his head a little.

You handed him his salad and the room was fairly silent for the rest of the night.

********

TWO HOURS LATER

“Another beer, guys?” You looked at the boys.

“Sure.” Dean said.

“Why not?” Sam added.

You grabbed more beers from the kitchen and brought them out.

“21 questions, anybody?” Dean shrugged and make the ‘not bad’ face.

“Sure.” You sat down at the table.

“You first, Sammy.” Dean said.

“Nah, I’m going to bed. You guys have fun.” Sam got up and started walking to his room.

“Yeah, you too!” Dean called.

“Shut up.” Sam groaned and you heard his door close a moment later.

“What was- OH.” You blushed and covered your face.

“I was just kidding around with him, (y/n). No need to get worked up.” Dean took another swig of his beer.

“Well, okay. So… 21 questions?” You asked.

“Yep. Okay, favorite food?”

“Pie. Duh.” You said.

“Alright.” He smiled and high fived you.

“Favorite… Activity?” You smiled.

“Sex. Duh.” He laughed.

“Alright.” You high fived him again.

“Favorite place to be?” You said, drawing little designs in the condensation on your beer.

“Uh, on the road with my Baby.” Dean nodded.

“It is peaceful out on the road. Just listening to her purr.” You shook a little with fake chills.

“Top or bottom?” He laughed.

“Well that escalated quickly! Haha, uh bottom?”

“I knew it!” Dean chuckled.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. You just seem like a bottom kind of girl.” He looked up at the ceiling.

“And what about you Mr. Winchester?”

“I’m always on top, baby.” He smiled, starting to day dream. You knew that look, the hint of lust in his eyes. He started to blush.

“Pants getting tight there, Dean?” You chuckled.

He shook his head quickly, snapping out of it and gave you his best bitch face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah okay.” You laughed. “Uh, rough or slow?” You asked with a devious look in your eye.

He looked at you, a little shocked. “What about you?”

“I asked you first.” You smiled and took a long sip from your beer.

“Let’s say it at the same time.” Dean said. “1… 2… 3.”

“Whatever she wants.” He said. “Whatever I deserve.” You spoke at the same time and looked at each other, eyes wide.

Dean laughed and smiled over at you with a new look in his eye. “You know…?”

You took a gulp of your drink, “What?”

“Maybe Sam’s right. We are a lot alike.” Dean looked down, avoiding eye contact now.

“Don’t get a chick flick moment started, Dean.” You pushed his shoulder lightly but he bounced right back. You were both leaning towards each other over the corner of the table. Your faces were mere inches from each other’s. “Let’s continue the game.” You said softly.

“Do you want to kiss me?” Dean whispered.

“Yes.” You whispered back.

He leaned in and pulled you close, pushing his lips against yours. You both went to stand and he sat you on the table, pushing himself between your legs. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he started to unbutton your shirt.

You pushed his jacket off his shoulders, helping him shrug it off. He finally got your shirt unbuttoned and threw it behind him. You tugged his shirt over his head and flung it away.

“How do you want it, baby?” He said, nipping at your jaw and down towards your neck.

“I think the question is, what do I deserve?” You breathed.

Dean pulled his face from your neck to look at you with fiery eyes. He growled at your words and unclasped your bra and pulled it off of you. He put a hand on each breast and started squeezing, making you throw your head back in pleasure. He pushed his tongue into your mouth and groaned as you started working on his pants. You got them undone and pushed them down with his boxers. He leaned you back so that you laid on the table, legs dangling off at the knee. He wasted no time pulling your jeans off of your legs with your soaked panties. You sat back up so that you could keep kissing him. Both of his arms slipped around your waist as he lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his hips. You sunk down onto him and you both moaned once he was seated in your hilt. He held you by the ass and started thrusting you up and down on him. Your chests rubbed together, making your nipples go hard. He fell back into a chair which made the thrusting easier.

His head was level with your chest and he took a nipple into his mouth while one hand stayed on your ass and the other went up to tangle in your hair.

“Dean… Oh- oh God. Fuck!” You dug your nails into his shoulders, trying to ground yourself.

“I- I can’t- I’m so close.” Dean moaned into your chest.

“Let go, baby.” You breathed and he spilled his hot seed into you.

His warmth filled your core and you came seconds later. As you rode out your orgasms, both your cum and his dripped down your thighs and onto Dean’s crotch. You pulled off of him and got down on your knees between his legs, lapping at the mess on his hips.

“Babe.” Dean moaned.

You kissed the tip of his dick and then ran your tongue along the bottom, from the base to the head. You pulled him into your mouth as he started getting hard again. He twisted his fingers in your hair and leaned his head back, letting out little whimpers. His hips bucked up and he started thrusting into your mouth. With almost every push, he touched the back of your throat, and that made him get loud again.

“(Y/n)… (Y/n)… Yes baby. Fuck, just like that.” He groaned.

You reached down to play with your clit and moaned around his cock, the vibrations sent him over the edge again. You swallowed around him, and let him out with a pop.

You both stood and ran off to his room. Once inside he laid you back on the bed. He knelt between your legs and pushed your knees apart. One hand went to massage a breast and the other had two fingers pumping in and out of you. Dean leaned in and pushed his tongue into you while scissoring you with his fingers. His movements were building you up fast and you screamed his name, cumming for the second time that night. Dean pulled his finger out of you and licked them clean.

He helped you crawl up to the head of the bed and he got into bed with you. His muscular arms wrapped around you and pulled you into his chest.

“That was so hot.” Dean smiled and kissed the top of your head.

“Fuck yeah it was.” You said, still trying to catch your breath. “Thank you, Dean. Ha, I’ve been wanting to do that for awhile…”

“No problem, baby girl.” Dean pecked your lips. “You deserved it.”

2

Hey Ya’ll! It’s finally fall and you know what that means? Sweaters, cool weather, warm comfort meals and HOCKEY. So in honor of everyone’s favorite Russian, gold chain wearing, buddy of Zimmboni, protector of Snowy, all around kick ass D-Man Falconor… I bring you my latest Check, Please! recipe. A savory potato pie or Mashed-Pie-Tater!

This recipe is crazy easy and tasty af. My GF and I ate half of it for dinner and I keep eyeing my third helping.

So here it is, the easiest pie you’ll ever fall in love with!


Recipe by me Ittybittybakes/ @dandeebaker based on the character Alexei (Tater) Mashkov from the best thing that has ever happened to comics  @omgcheckplease by @ngoziu

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"Imagine Castiel blushing as he gives you a teddy bear, saying that he researched it to be a popular gift." One Shot

This is a part of the re-upload series; From the early days of this blog. These are not in the current format. All new submissions must be in the current format to be posted. 

It started on your birthday. You can only assume that Cas overhead the boys talking about it while you were away, because you sure didn’t tell him that your birthday was coming up. In fact, you hadn’t mentioned it to anyone for quite some time; it seemed something of a miracle that they remembered it at all.

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reasons malec should be your otp:

- alec doesn’t want the world, he wants magnus

- alec is so much more than just magnus’ first shadowhunter

- when they kissed the first time alec realized that that is how love is supposed to feel like

- alec and magnus reading while sitting on the couch in a tangle of limbs and chairman meow on top of them

- magnus staying up all night to heal alec after especially hard hunts

- alec trailing kisses all over magnus’ body and whispering “aku cinta kamu” as he goes and magnus chuckling and moaning beneath him

- watching the stars on the balcony of the loft and soft kisses under the moonlight

- alec didn’t know how to make pie until one day magnus said he was craving it and after a couple of hours the kitchen turned into a hurricane of flour and eggs and kitchen utensils and he burned the pie but they ate it anyway

-them adopting a kid from the shelter and magnus and alec cry the entire time because they are going to be the fathers they should have had



- why do you even need reasons it’s magnus and alec honestly

Kendrick Lamar // Best Rapper Under 25

I’m the best rapper under 25, 24 inches on my ride
Ball like 23 and I shot my first .22 when I was 9

21 gun salute and my soldiers killed 20 of your troops at a time
And I got about nine teens on the corner fucking with marijuana
Jive and heard about 18 rappers say that a bird can go for 17.5
Motherfuck that my sweet 16’s be equivalent to about 15 pie
I was 14 when I wrote a rhyme, All I seen was 13 ghosts every time I wrote a crazy line. All these 12 bars in my verses, that’s what Notorious and Pac arrived God dammit I spit just like a Mac11 every time
I drop jewels, you drop dimes, you pretending to be like mine
I intend to put about 10 of you rappers on channel 9
Straight up, fuck around and get ate up
Cut ‘em up in 7 ways, funeral carried by 6 in 5 days you’ll know I go for
Money when I sink my teeth in Carter III beats
To you from me, my son the victory is mine, I won
I’m the one. The beat was the pussy.. And I cum, hard.

anonymous asked:

“you’re cute when you’re mad.” dean winchester

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

“Dean?” You asked, somewhat nervously. He turned to you, eyes narrowed. He knew that you’d done something wrong, “I… I ate the last slice of pie.”

His face dropped. He certainly hadn’t been expecting that answer, “What? Uh, excuse me, what?!”

“I’m sorry… It just looked so good and it tasted delicious!” 

Dean glared at you, “I’d been looking forward to that slice all day and you ate it?!”

You couldn’t help but smile, “You know, you’re cute when you’re mad.”

Dean pulled a disgusted face, “First you eat my pie and next you call me cute?! Ugh!”

7

Since everyone has already come back from the Texas Meet, I figured I’d post the cartoon cards I sent to Austin along with prints of a couple of my paintings. [A mixture of fandom humour and actual Brick canon.] I have no idea who ended up with what!

Thanks to pilferingapples, who had to sort out the cards and prints on her end because I wasn’t going to send separate envelopes halfway around the world. ;) I hope you all ate an extra slice of pecan pie on my behalf.