and then she head bangs

the girl on the train
she’s sleeping.
her name is ellie
that’s what she says
to strangers, blurry.
call me ellie. it means
leave me the fuck alone.
it means I’m too tired
to be on my own.
her green jacket has
stains on it. her eyeliner
is uneven and worn out
but she smiles softly,
humming in rhythm
with the bumps of the
road. her head doesn’t
bang on the window.
she feels true warmth.
the controller doesn’t
bother to wake her up.
he leaves that to the sun,
gently caressing her strained
cheeks. she looks so frail, so
young. makes you wonder
if the morning does that to
everyone. or is it just for the
lonely souls, dreaming in the
back of a lonely bus, driving
towards the heart of the city.

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.
Move on, leave, run away, escape this place… but don’t forget about me, about us, about this town. Always remember where you come from so you can appreciate how far you’ve come.
—  c.j.n.