I’ve got so much love inside. So much passion, raw energy and vibrant joy to give. From some small ideas of perfect gifts for my hypothetical significant other to an overloading sexual desire that burns every inches of me. It’s bubbling up, every day, every minute, all the time.
So much love and so much emptiness. There were some people to share it with, but I guess I don’t know how to deal with them anymore. Maybe because I’ve been too different and too lonely for such a long time.
I can feel all this love trapped inside me. It slowly festers, turning blood into ice and ashes, poisoning my veins and mind. It’s even worst when I see other people (on the street, in the movies or whatever) that actually have the kind of relationships I became obsessed with. They’re casualy having the only thing I want most on earth. Just in front of me. Everytime, it’s always like they’re stabbing me. Now I’ve lost count of the knives.
I also feel like the Greek Tantalos. Cursed with an inextengible thirst and hunger. Bathing in the very water that could quench him, having a clear sight of a fruit nearby that seems delicious. But both back down every time he moves his mouth forward, always out of reach.
So fucking out of reach.