and then i'll text you 'i wish i could hold your hand'

anonymous asked:

Hi so I absolutely adore the fics you've posted so far for bmc. It really brings to light the emotions of the characters and it's so well done. If it grabs your fancy, would you consider writing one where Jeremy becomes so delirious (from getting sick or a headache from the squip or something) that he spills all the self-deprecating things the squip told him to say to Michael? It would make my world if that existed, especially in your style of writing. <3

“Is Jeremy here today?” 

“Jeremy’s always Heere.” Michael says automatically without looking up from his phone. Where he is currently texting Jeremy. He’s almost forgotten that there are people actually around him when someone hits him across the back of his head. “Ow what the hell, Rich!

“Don’t even try, you brought that on yourself,” Rich says and the lisp does nothing to diminish the glare he’s got fixed on Michael. 

“If anything you brought that pun on yourself!” When Rich looks like he’s going to hit Michael again, or possibly punch him in the throat for better reach, Michael decides the safest thing is probably to just tell him what’s up. “Alright, yeah no, Jeremy stayed home today. I texted him this morning and apparently he’s sick. I’m gonna go see if he needs anything after school so if there’s anything you wanna tell him I can pass the message along.”

“Nah, I was just wondering since I hadn’t seen him even though I’d seen you.” When Michael only looks confused Rich continues, “Dude. You’re pretty much attached at the hip as much as two people who aren’t actually attached at the hip can be.” 

“You’re over exaggerating.”

“Oh yeah? Is that right?” 

“Yeah that’s right,” Michael says, looking down at his phone again. 

“Just out of curiosity,” Rich says with a suspicious air of innocence, “who’s that you’ve been texting?” 

“It’s-”

“This entire time since I came up to you-”

“I don’t appreciate-”

“and probably the entire day since you found out he won’t be he- at school?”

“Well I can’t just ignore him when he’s sick and miserable now can I?” 

Rich’s responding smirk tells him he definitely just rose to a very obvious bait and probably should have just kept his mouth shut. 


The thing is, Jeremy doesn’t do well when he’s sick. To start it off, he has no self-awareness or any clue at what warrants a sick day at home so it’s a miracle he actually didn’t come to school only to have Michael drag his sniffling and swaying ass home. Michael just assumes that Mr. Heere most likely was awake and forced Jeremy back to bed before taking off to his brand new job. 

Michael doesn’t bother with ringing the doorbell when he gets to Jeremy’s house. He knows the key is under the doormat out front, despite how many times he’s told Jeremy it’s the dumbest place in the world to put the house key (”Don’t say I didn’t warn you when you literally get murdered”, “Michael nobody even gets robbed this part of town!”, “Well there’s a first for everything!”). He unlocks the door, grumbling about safety and mostly lack thereof the entire time before he makes his way up the stairs to Jeremy’s bedroom. 

He hear the coughing before he’s even half-way up. He knocks on the door and shouts a quick “Don’t be naked,” purely out of curtesy, before barging in. 

“Hey Mich-” Jeremy’s raspy voice is cut-off by wet sounding coughs that tear through his body and forces him to turn over on his side so that he won’t choke. 

“Holy shit dude,” Michael says eloquently as he sits down on the bed next to Jeremy’s form. “I got you some cough drops,” he pauses as Jeremy’s cough takes over the conversation yet again, “but I honestly don’t think any cough drops in the world is gonna do shit for you right now.” 

“Ugh…” Jeremy looks up at Michael with wet eyes, “dad got me somethin’” he says and makes a gesture in the general direction of his bedside table where a bottle of something Michael presumes is medicine is residing. “It’s meant to like,” he makes a questionable gesture with his hand, “loosen up the crap in my throat, so that it doesn’t get stuck. Which is great and all but in turn means tha I’m coughing up slime every minute.” 

“Gross.”

“Tell me about it.” Jeremy says with a sigh and rolls onto his back again. Michael reaches out and puts his hand on Jeremy’s sweaty forehead, just to check. He nearly snatches his hand back after half a second and the only thing that stops him is that Jeremy had closed his eyes the second Michael touched him and is now letting out a sigh as if he’s actually remembering to relax for the first time today. 

“Dude, you’re burning up.” He feel slightly concerned now. Jeremy had told him he was sick but this is… a lot more than he had let on while texting. 

“Mm-hm…” Jeremy says, his eyes are still closed and there’s no actual indication that he’s heard Michael at all. Michael strokes his hand across Jeremy’s forehead and ignores the disgusting feeling of sweat clinging to it. It must feel nice to get something cool touching his hot skin. 

“Hey Jeremy,” he says as he strokes his thumb up the bridge of Jeremy’s nose, “I’m gonna go get some damp towels so you can cool down a bit, yeah?” and so he can get rid of some of that gross-ass sweat currently covering Jeremy’s body as far as he can see. Jeremy seems to have tossed his blanket practically across the bedroom at some point to alleviate some of the heat but even in nothing but a tank-top and boxers he looks like he’s going to boil from the inside-out. When he comes back with four smaller towels and a bowl of cold water Jeremy hasn’t opened his eyes and Michael thinks he might’ve fallen asleep. He arranges one of the towels over Jeremy’s eyes and the latter lets out a sigh of immense relief. “Does your head hurt, Jer?”

“Why’re you being so nice…” Jeremy’s voice is weak and it sounds like it hurts to talk. Michael frowns at the words. 

“When am I ever mean to you?” He asks with a scoff.

“You’re just always nice even after what I did.” Michael has to swallow down an automatic feeling of dread. Any reminder of the Squip usually has that affect. 

“We’re past that, Jeremy.” He keeps his voice quiet so he still sounds calm and not at all like his heart is beating out of his chest.

“I still hear him sometimes.” The words are so simple, and said so softly but it still seems like Jeremy is screeching, as though he’s calling out for help. 

“What do you mean?” He desperately tries to keep his voice calm as he sits down next to Jeremy, he wishes he hadn’t put a towel over half of Jeremy’s face now, wishes he could see what’s going on with Jeremy’s facial expression.

“I keep trying to-” Jeremy has to pause for a second as his voice breaks, “I just want to be better than what he said I was.” 

“Jeremy whatever he said it-” Michael’s words are interrupted by Jeremy who seemingly isn’t done. 

“He would always tell me how terrible I was, how I was gross and how everyone else thought so too…” Michael grabs Jeremy’s hand and squeezes it, unsure what else to do. “Fuck he was right. He was always right.” 

“That’s not true…” Michael whispers shifting so that he’s sitting closer to Jeremy, still squeezing his hand tight. 

“I still hear him, and- and sometimes I forget I don’t have to listen anymore!” Jeremy’s voice is shaky and Michael knows he’s crying, “I keep forgetting I don’t have to say it too.”  

“What do you mean?” Michael doesn’t want to know, but if Jeremy needs to talk he’ll listen, he’ll always listen. 

“He’d make me say things-things about myself…” comes the delayed response and this time Michael listens to the urge that’s telling him to remove the towel from Jeremy’s eyes, his headache be damned. He won’t let Jeremy get so caught up in his own thoughts that he doesn’t remember he isn’t alone. Jeremy blinks his eyes open, and Michael notices right away that he was right. Jeremy’s eyes are red and the second the towel is off his eyes start to water and he looks so frightened and so small that Michael wants nothing more than to take all of the bad, horrible things the Squip told him and make them disappear. He knows he can’t though, the best he can do is just sit there, and hold Jeremy’s hand. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” he says softly and brings Jeremy’s hand up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the sweaty palm, “but I’m here, okay? I’m right here, and I’m listening.” Michael can’t be sure if his words do any good as Jeremy only seems to cry harder, but Jeremy needs to know he’s not alone. It takes a few minutes but after a while Jeremy seems to calm down enough to continue.

“Everything about me makes me wanna die.” Jeremy sniffs and fresh tears spring to his eyes and all Michael can do is gather Jeremy up in his arms and hold him close. “He’d make me repeat that…” Jeremy continues, “and I didn’t- I felt it. He just took things I already thought and felt and made me- I want him gone!” Michael’s heart breaks as Jeremy’s ramble ends in a wail, “I want him gone I want him- he’s still- Michael!” Jeremy sobs and grabs at the front of Michael’s shirt. 

“I’m here. It’s gonna be okay. He can’t do shit anymore. He-it’s just a voice and it’s awful and I hate it but that’s all it is. it can’t do shit to you anymore.” Even as he says it he isn’t sure if it’s true. With Jeremy still sobbing in his arms, he feels powerless and wonders silently if the Squip isn’t already doing shit, or if he’s just done enough damage to last Jeremy a lifetime. 

He pushes the thought away and squeezes Jeremy tighter. 

12.21 coda

doing the best with what i got here, friendos. grateful to this post.

it’s an extra long one because people seem extra pissed today.

Her eyes snap open past a sheen of cold sweat. It still clings to her forehead, soaks the back of her neck, tangles her hair. She can’t even bring herself to sit up for how bad she’s shaking. 

Mary has no option but to ride it out. She can’t help but think she’s done this before.

When the tremors pass she pushes herself to a sitting position. Hunched over, she fights the urge to vomit. She’s got a headache that she wouldn’t choose over a bullet.

The door clicks open. She lifts her eyes, but it’s a struggle to do so. Her vision is blurry.

“Hello, Mary,” someone says to her. She blinks. “How are we feeling this morning?”

Mary squints. Brown hair. Deep-set eyes. Fat wrists.

“Where - ” she pauses to cough. “Where is… she?” she asks.

The new woman in front of her tilts her head. “She?”

Mary winces. Her head hurts something fierce. “Ponytail,” she whimpers. She looks up and realizes that this woman is wearing a ponytail as well. 

But her hair is too dark. It’s not right. She’s never seen this woman before. Her gut just knows.

“I don’t know what you mean, Mary,” the woman says. Her voice is soft and sweet, lilting with the accent.

Mary closes her eyes. “What about… um. Ketch,” she says, pleased she can at least remember one name. “I want to talk to him.”

The woman’s eyes go sad, pitying in the most insincere way. “He’s indisposed at the moment, I’m afraid. But I’d be happy to talk with you, mum.”

Mom!

Mary hisses and falls back against her cot. The woman doesn’t move forward to help her.

Mary looks down at her lap. There’s blood smeared there.

A cut on her hand is open and stinging. The stitches have torn. 

Or… maybe they were already torn.

The woman sighs and reaches for the door knob. “It’s no good,” she says somewhere to her left. Mary blacks out a minute later.

Keep reading

I’m sorry that I’m so embarrassed. It’s just that he was never the one who asked when we could see each other. So when I heard you ask if we could do something tonight, I didn’t know what to say, because I’m just not used to it.
I’m sorry that I’m so nervous. It’s just that he once said we’d meet up at 3pm, and when he arrived at 6pm he gave me a far-fetched apology and a quick kiss, then he moved on to another subject. So when you and I were supposed to meet up at 11 last Friday and you were already standing there at 10.55, I didn’t know how to react, because I’m just not used to it.
I’m sorry that I’m so awkward. It’s just that he only ever texted me first if he needed something, and I never got a good morning or goodnight text from him. So when I heard my phone vibrate two days ago at midnight and found a “good night sweetheart” from you, I didn’t know what to respond, because I’m just not used to it.
I’m sorry that I’m so shy. It’s just that people only take pictures of what they love, and he never once asked for a photo of me. So when you took out your camera and told me to look at you, I didn’t know how to pose, because I’m just not used to it.
I’m sorry that I’m so clumsy. It’s just that he saw me only when he wasn’t too busy. So when you said that you didn’t have much time but that you’d come and see me anyway, I couldn’t find the words to thank you, because I’m just not used to it.
I’m sorry that I’m so sensitive. It’s just that he always took hours to text me back, and sometimes he didn’t even do it. So when I sent you a message at 6.56 and you responded by 6.57, I could hardly believe it, because I’m just not used to it.
I’m sorry that I’m so terrified. It’s just that I always hoped he would do this or that, and nothing I wished for ever happened. So now that I’m too deluded to dare hope for anything, my hands start to shake and tears fill my eyes when it all happens exactly the way I want it to.
Please don’t hold it against me, and please don’t be surprised. Cause darling you treat me so fucking well, and I’m just not used to it.
—  I’m sorry that I let him steal my trust

When things between us ended, I desperately longed for closure.


I wanted us to talk it out, I wanted to know what I did wrong and what I could have done to make you stay.


I wanted to hear you say to me that you didn’t want me anymore. I wanted you to be brutal with what you said, I wanted you to tell me you don’t need me anymore and that whatever you felt for me, just isn’t there anymore. I wanted you to tell me that you had found another girl. I wanted you to tell me that all this time you didn’t really mean anything you ever said to me. I wanted you to tell me that it all wasn’t real to you. That it was all just a game.


I so desperately needed answers but all I got was silence. No explanation, no goodbye.


From one day to the next you were just gone. In the span of a day you were nowhere to be found anymore. It’s as though the earth just swallowed you whole. I couldn’t get hold of you, no matter how hard I tried. In the darkest hours I was questioning if you were even real, wondering if maybe you were just an illusion after all. I felt like I was going insane.


It’s months later now and although I’ve moved on, I still long for that closure. I still want an explanation because I think I deserve one. After everything we’ve gone through, after everything you’ve said and I said back to you, I think that’s the least you can do for me.


But seeing what kind of man you are, I know that I’ll never get what I want. I know what hides behind your exterior, know that behind your mask is someone who indeed is not as strong as he claims to be. I know that the strong man you portray yourself to be, is just an illusion of yours to keep yourself alive. I know that everything I thought you were, you weren’t. I made you out to be so perfect when perfect is not a word to describe you with. All the things you pride yourself on being, are things you wish you were. I know that you’re still wishing to be all of them one day, you haven’t given up hope. I, on the other hand, know that a man like you, will never turn into that kind of man. And most importantly, I know that I wouldn’t ever want a man like you to be the man I need.

- e.s. // the kind of man you really are.

the telltale skype ringtone echoes from your laptop, and you nearly choke on minty fresh air from hearing it in the bathroom while brushing your teeth. rinsing your mouth in record-breaking time, you dash for your bedroom. before your body could even drop against the mattress, the call connects just in time. you laugh breathlessly when a clueless jungkook appears on your screen, wondering why you are so out of breath.

“sorry that rang for a bit, i was washing up!” you hold up a finger to signal him giving you another second to breathe, ironically stuffing your face into a pillow for a moment, before sitting yourself up and beaming brightly back at him. “why, hello mr. famous-billboard-winner…”

you force yourself not to laugh when he closes his eyes and sighs, already exasperated. “please don’t say it–”

“… and ‘cute guy in the centre.’”

“you said it. god, why did you say it–? i’m hanging up.”

“hey, hey, i’m joking!” finally laughing, you swat your hand around dismissively when you mutter ‘not really’ under your breath afterwards. cheekily shrugging your shoulders as you earn a half-earned glare from him, you truly let the teasing go as you softly clap. “but actually, though! congratulations, you guys totally deserve it. the fans really pulled through, huh?”

this time, a genuine smile graces his features and you feel your heart warm at the sight. “as they always do. oh, i’m sorry i couldn’t get back to you until now– i saw the kakao messages, but i just–”

“was taking over the world after billboards?”

“well, if you put it that way, kind of…”

“you mean ‘most definitely’?” chuckling, you rest your elbow against your knee, arm propping up so you lay your chin on an open palm. 

the time difference was major, flipping to almost around the world. as it is ungodly morning hours for you, it is only early afternoon for him back in korea. he’s been juggling timezones like a champ, according to his earlier text messages, but as you give him a good glance from your screen – you can tell fatigue is clinging at his shoulders despite the nonchalant vibe he gives off. 

“i miss you." 

it takes you a second to register what he just said, blinking out from your reverie and tuning back to reality. he holds a small smile on his face, with the corners quirking up the slightest bit. your favourite one. you mirror the confession easily within your heart, a gentle smile of your own showing back. "i miss you, too, jungkook-ah… hey?”

“hm?”

“take a break from conquering the world, would you? come visit me already.” that soft, pretty laugh he does as a response resonates from your speakers and a funny twist of your heart happens in your chest. his eyes are almost glittering under the light of the practice room he’s resting in, and it’s that moment where you wish he would be right beside you. 

“i’ll be there before you know it. you and i against the world, remember?”

Sometimes, I think of you and I look forward.
I look forward to a bright future.
I look forward to holding your hand and leaning my head against your shoulder.
I look forward to days when you’re only a kiss away.
I look forward to days when I can rest my head against your heart and it will race because I will still make you a little nervous.
I look forward to the deep conversations where we talk about everything and I will ask you way too many questions because I love hearing your voice. I love hearing what you think. I love you.


Sometimes, I think of you and I remember.
I remember my heart breaking.
I remember holding your hand and feeling scared.
I remember all the times we were on the phone and you said you wish you could kiss me.
I remember when you hugged me so tight and my heart was racing because you made me extremely nervous.
I remember the late night conversations we used to have where soft whispers filled the air and sleep filled our eyes.
I remember the time you said my name and took a deep breath before saying you loved me.
I remember my heart breaking when you changed your mind.

Sometimes, I think of you and I’m confused.
I’m confused about where I stand with you.
I’m confused about what we’re doing.
I’m confused about what you want, what I want.
I’m confused because I want everything with you, but at the same time, nothing at all.

I need to make up my mind.

-Wandering-thoughts-lost-voice

a hella long list of random lyric sentence starters (pt. 12)
  • "You can have my heart."
  • "I think we're doomed."
  • "I'm sorry, but it's too late and it's not worth saving."
  • "You know that I'm in love with the mess."
  • "I think I like it."
  • "I think we're doomed and now there is no way back."
  • "I know you're right behind me."
  • "Don't you let me go tonight."
  • "Say you'll be there."
  • "Why do we waste time hiding it inside?"
  • "I want you to be mine."
  • "You know the way I can't resist you."
  • "If we try once more, would you give me it all?"
  • "I'll tell you flat out, it hurts so much to think of this."
  • "I've thrown away so many things that could've been much more."
  • "I just pray my problems go away if they're ignored."
  • "You touch my heavy heart, and when you do you make it light."
  • "I love you. Oh God, I love you."
  • "Life is now worth living, if only because of you."
  • "Who the fuck do you think I am?"
  • "You ain't married to no average bitch, boy."
  • "Don't hurt yourself."
  • "You ain't trying hard enough."
  • "I'm just too much for you."
  • "If you try this shit again, you gonna lose your wife."
  • "I was sitting waiting, wishing."
  • "This world is cruel."
  • "I'm just a fool learning loving somebody don't make them love you."
  • "Must I always be waiting on you?"
  • "Must I always be playing your fool?"
  • "I gave ya friends all a chance."
  • "I can't always be waiting on you."
  • "I keep playing your part, but it's not my scene."
  • "I've had enough mystery."
  • "I'm not you and if I was, I wouldn't be so cruel."
  • "Waiting on love ain't so easy to do."
  • "I wanted that heat so bad, I could taste the fire on your breath."
  • "I wanted in your storm so bad, I could taste the lightning on your breath."
  • "The world is so pale next to you."
  • "Your hair is coxcomb red, your eyes are viper black."
  • "You said every road is a good road."
  • "Every love is your best love and every love is your last love."
  • "Every kiss is a goodbye."
  • "Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek."
  • "You pull away so easily."
  • "You even stay over, but now we stay in our clothes."
  • "I'm only there so that you're not alone."
  • "I'm pouring some whiskey, I'm gonna get drunk."
  • "I'm not afraid. I'm not."
  • "I'll show you my true colors."
  • "No, I won't apologize."
  • "It's like I've waited all my life."
  • "All the pretty girls like Samuel."
  • "It's more than he can handle."
  • "Life is anything but fair."
  • "You’re the only one I’m in love with."
  • "You’re the only thing I’m interested in."
  • "You’re the only one I miss like this."
  • "We’re still two lives in ruin, we’re still boats anchored at sea."
  • "Don’t you ruin."
  • "Here I am, I’ve got to tell you while I can."
  • "You’re the only one I’ve been waiting for."
  • "You’re the only one I have to have."
  • "Somethin' 'bout you makes me feel like a dangerous woman."
  • "Somethin' 'bout you makes me wanna do things that I shouldn't."
  • "I live for danger."
  • "All girls wanna be like that; bad girls underneath like that."
  • "From the moment I first saw you, I was yours and you were mine."
  • "Deep down we both knew you were trouble by design."
  • "Baby, don't you play with fire."
  • "It's too late to say goodbye."
  • "We both knew it was trouble."
  • "Now I'm under your spell."
  • "Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby."
  • "As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine."
  • "Nothing's gonna take you from my side."
  • "Give me the way it could have been."
  • "Give me it all."
  • "I called you up three times last night."
  • "Running through the streets, bloody from a fist fight."
  • "Keep you warm, keep you there, wanna keep you all."
  • "See you there, wanna see you some day."
  • "As you look back, I'm pulling away."
  • "All that remains are words in the rain."
  • "Give me a goodbye said out loud."
  • "I know you could be here with me."
  • "I'll be right there."
  • "I feel there's a fork in the road."
  • "I took a pill in Ibiza to show Avicii I was cool."
  • "Fuck it, it was something to do."
  • "I drive a sports car just to prove I'm a real big baller 'cause I made a million dollars."
  • "You don't wanna be high like me."
  • "You don't ever wanna step off that roller coaster and be all alone."
  • "All I know are sad songs."
  • "I'm just a singer who already blew his shot."
  • "I can't keep a girl, 'cause as soon as the sun comes up, I cut 'em all loose and work's my excuse, but the truth is I can't open up."
  • "People still think I'm a star."
  • "Hold up, they don't love you like I love you."
  • "Can't you see there's no other man above you?"
  • "What a wicked way to treat the girl that loves you."
  • "How did it come down to this? Scrolling through your call list."
  • 'I don't wanna lose my pride, but I'mma fuck me up a bitch."
  • "What's worse, lookin' jealous or crazy?"
  • "Let's imagine for a moment that you never made a name for yourself."
  • "We were made for each other."
  • "It is such a shame you let this good love go to waste."
  • "It's always up and down with you, this game you play is kinda twisted."
  • "I could leave it all behind, trouble is I know I’d miss it."
  • "Even though you play me like an Xbox, I don’t want you to take your hands off."
  • "I'm all about you."
  • "You always make my heart beat faster."
  • "I don’t want you to take your hands off me."
  • "You don't want to act like you care."
  • "Are you gonna give up so easily?"
  • "I thought I meant more, I thought we were strong."
  • "Babe, I've been stressing about us all day."
  • "Guess you bit off more than you could chew."
  • "I've got literally nothing to say to you."
  • "You wanna promise me you'll never go, then you wanna leave."
  • "Don't text me, you're pathetic, bitch, please."
  • "You don't get a goodbye."
  • "You don't get another shot to make me everything I'm not."
  • "I'm a girl on fire, I'm a girl who dreams."
  • "You're a boy who needs to stay the hell away from me."
  • "It was loneliest with you there."
  • "This is the only way you'll hear from me."
  • "You thought you wanted her and got what you deserved."
  • "Used to want you but I don't now."
  • "I can be cruel just like you."
  • "You hit me up again to tell me I'm the one."
  • "Was she worth letting me go?"
  • "I need you right here by my side."
  • "You're everything I'm not in my life."
  • "We're indestructible, we are untouchable."
  • "Nothing can take us down tonight."
  • "You are so beautiful, it should be criminal."
  • "I'll promise you this love will never die."
  • "No matter what, I got your back."
  • "I'll take a bullet for you if it comes to that."
  • "Believe me when I say you're the one."
  • "They'll never forgive us for the things we've done."
  • "Everybody said that we would never last, and if they saw us now I bet they'd take it back."
  • "In a simple skirt you caused a ricochet of courting boys that watch you walk away."
  • "I don't live my life like you do."
  • "Every time you leave, I wanna go."
  • "Don't be so blind."
  • "Am I your one and only desire?"
  • "Am I the reason you breathe or am I the reason you cry?"
  • "I just can't live without you."
  • "I love you, I hate you, I can't get around you."
  • "I breathe you, I taste you, I can't live without you."
  • "I just can't take any more, this life of solitude."
  • "I guess that I'm out the door and now I'm done with you."
  • "I feel like you don't want me around."
  • "I guess I'll pack all my things."
  • "I guess I'll see you around."
  • "It's all been bottled up until now."
  • "Why would you tear my world apart?"
  • "I see the blood all over your hands."
  • "Does it make you feel more like a man?"
  • "Was it all just a part of your plan?"
  • "She liked black caddies, listened to Puff Daddy and danced until her legs were sore."
  • "He loves her definitely maybe."
  • "I see you everyday,I'm too scared to go over."
  • "I wonder what she'd say, I barely even know her."
  • "How much longer will this keep getting stronger?"
  • "I wonder when you'll realize that she means a lot more to me."
  • "He's picking me up at 6 again and I don't wanna disappoint my boyfriend."
  • "She's telling all the girls about all the things that he bought her."
  • "He had his hands on every single girl he laid his eyes on."
  • "Even when he kissed her, he was looking over staring at her sister."
  • "I'm not the type to get my heart broken."
  • "I'm not the type to get upset and cry."
  • "I never leave my heart open, never hurts me to say goodbye."
  • "Relationships don't get deep to me, never got the whole in love thing."
  • "Someone can say they love me truly, but at the time it didn't mean a thing."
  • "I stray from love."
  • "It cut me like a knife when you walked out of my life."
  • "I've got all the symptoms of a girl with a broken heart."
  • "No matter what you'll never see me cry."
  • "I should've never let you hold me, baby, maybe why I'm sad to see us apart."
  • "I didn't give to you on purpose, can't figure out how you stole my heart."
  • "I never meant to let it get so personal."
  • "Am I the reason why you tossed and turned last night?"
  • "Everything was such a blur, it didn't come out right."
  • "All of a sudden it's cold and we're falling apart."
  • "I guess we're really over."
  • "I'm not over it."
  • "You make me feel like I'm desperate."
  • "I'm not desperate."
  • "Little bit possessive, little miss obsessive, can't get over it."
  • "That side of your bed is still mine."
  • "I've never been a fan of long goodbyes."
  • "It's like a fairy tale without a happy ending."
  • "Tell me that you care."
  • "I try to make it through my life; in my way, there's you."
  • "Just don't deny it."
  • "You tried to break me."
  • "If you were dead or still alive, I don't care."
  • "Everything's so blurry."
  • "Everyone's so fake and everybody's empty and everything is so messed up."
  • "My whole world surrounds you."
  • "You know that I'll protect you."
  • "I wonder what you're doing, imagine where you are."
  • "Everyone is changing."
  • "Let me know just how you feel, 'cause I am lost without you."
2
DONT READ THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT POTENTIAL SPOILERS ON CHARACTERS THAT MAY BE ADDED TO UNDERTALE ONE DAY
these are two cut characters, seemingly the female counterparts of royal guards 01 and 02. They lack overworld sprites, but sprites for their hands and helmets were made, although i’d expect they would have a different chest plate.
their text is still included in the text dump of the game
it interestingly enough starts out with the line
“fuckyou”
so i’ve got no idea why thats in there, but ive never seen it in game, only other   time I found an f bomb in this game was another random line saying “What the  fuck is wrong?”

here is the slightly edited for clarity text for 03 and 04. its pretty sweet , I wish i could have helped them like 01 and 02. If Toby ever makes a dlc for Undertale or patches it, I really hope these two get put in, they seem almost done. 
the text is out of order and I’m not sure who says what, but the basic concept is that 04 is the cat and is trying to act solo and like she doesn’t care about 03,   and 03 is the bug who is depressed. turns out they both still wear the friendshipbracelets they made for each other, but you can make them remove their gloves and reveal the bracelets, if both reveal them you can spare them like 01 and 02. if you kill one of them, the other will regret not telling the other and will          become very upset. They go get icecream and presumably would meet 02 and 01 there.

 RG 04 
 DEF* Royal Guard member.* Protective of her armor.
04: Hmph,try not to mess this up.
04: I'll take you down alone!
03 Sigh...team attack,I guess. 
04: I'm a one woman army.
I know, but...
Nice to meet you???
04...!! Why didn't I...
04 !?You... YOU...!
 03 rubs her glove quietly.
 04 hums and looks the other  way.
 03 stands guard.
 04's twitches her tail.
 03 is trembling.
 03 is holding her face in  her hands.
 03 stands still.
 03 seems sick.
 03's breathing intensifies.
 You touch RG 03's glove. It starts to come loose.
 You shake RG 03's claw.
Glove...getting...looser.
 You tell RG 03 that she  should stand up for herself.
My glove..!
>hand1pic
03...Is that...?
Yes.It is.
Go ahead. Laugh at me.
No, I...
RG 04 is looking at her own  glove.
What are you talking about?
My...glove...
Don't touch that!!
03 I didn't want this...
03.....
03...answer me...
03 I never said sorry...
03...!? Why, you...
04 holds her head in her hands.
Sad mews emerge from 04's armor.
 04 is thunderstruck.
 04 does nothing.
 04's breathing intensifies.
 You attempt to touch RG 04's  glove. She bats your hand away.
 You touch RG 04's glove softly.  She nods and begins to take it off.
 You tell RG 04 to remember  what being friends is about.
Actually........
I still wear mine too.
Our friendship bracelets from high school.
03, I'm sorry. I thought you hated me, after what happened...
We did some pretty nasty things to each other, because of...
That old drama? Forget about it.
To tell you the truth, I requested to be partners with you.
I wanted to become friends with you again...
But I didn't know how to breach the topic.
03!
After this...
Do you want to get some ice-cream?
Salmon-flavor?
You know it!
 03 and 04 are planning all  sorts of things to do together.


Baby, I’m sorry that it was hard to love me.

I know during your long days, I was never the right amount of comfort. I know I said that you were just like your mother and the hints of your tinted glasses could never make us both simultaneously happy. I should have dried your eyes when those tears were mine, but I told you stop crying every time. I regret the seventeen year olds who didn’t know a thing about love. I should have kept you closer, I should have been a better man.

Baby, I’m sorry that it was hard to love me.

That’s all I ever write about.

Love. I still don’t know what love means,
but I still write about it like it was my limbs.

I can’t walk straight without feeling the empty spot you left inside of my hands. I clench my fist and I can still feel the warmth left there–

I knew you would be the best thing to ever happen to me, but I didn’t know it would end up like this, if I knew, I wonder if it would change a thing, if I didn’t treat us like something that couldn’t change, if I treated us better and talked to you more often than everyday, if I gave you more room to breathe–

If I didn’t call every night because you loved being talked to bed, if I didn’t write all of these damn poems, if I didn’t look for you in places that I know you’d appear, if I didn’t look for me inside of you, maybe– I’d still have my best friend, but they say maturity comes with time and I hate that I had to lose you to be this way, do you still smoke cigarettes?

I hope you don’t. It’s a terrible habit
to kill yourself from within.

Poetry, the cigarettes
Love, the lighter.
Us, the smoke.

Baby, I’m sorry that it was hard to love us.

I know we weren’t perfect. I should have never gotten onto you about always saying the wrong things. I have unspoken words and they get spilled every night and I know we don’t talk anymore and I know it’s because I chose this,

But have you ever chose defeat and sadness?

A choice that you knew you’d regret.
A choice that would make you better
after a few years of sighs and late night
phone calls you couldn’t dial.

I could call, I would call, I should call–

But what would be the point?

Nothing would change.

Baby, I’m sorry that I couldn’t love you.

Not like how I should. Not like how you wanted. Not like how you needed.

I still can’t get you off my mind.
I still can’t get you out of my head.
I still can’t get you out of my heart.

My mind is still blurry from your kisses.
My head is still feeling every goodbye.
My heart still isn’t all the way home.

I once knew a girl made from all of the seasons and she never withered until last September and I still write about such a purity, but every strip of white only covers so much of the night.

I knew you weren’t perfect, but I still made you feel like such a painful thing. Flawless–

But we are.

I know I could never get you back,
I know that I wouldn’t want it back,
and I know that I shouldn’t think back–

But the past is us and the future
may shine, but it’s always a bit dark
when you’re not around–

Does it still feel like spring for you?

How are you and the new guy?
You graduated? Are you finally happy?

I hope so. I pray for it.

Baby, I’m sorry that we fell in love at such a young age. Baby, I’m sorry that I fell in love with my best friend. Baby, I’m sorry about the spring break where we spent everyday finding meaning in our lips and what hands could do to clouds and I’m sorry about the time when I grabbed the book from you and made your shyness run out of reasons to hide. Baby, I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you the world and about the love letters that you’ll always read, but will wonder if it’s about things I still love or used to, I’m sorry that I became a person that you used to love, I’m sorry that all I have are meaningless apologies to make up for the lack of shit that I could have given. Baby, I’m sorry about this toxic form of love that I gave to you. Baby, I’m sorry that it’s been a whole month since I’ve called, I’m sorry that I can’t anymore. I’m sorry about not replying to your text. I’m sorry about not answering. I’m sorry about being someone who couldn’t be right. I’m sorry about the wrongs and how I couldn’t change unless I broke your heart. I’m sorry that I knew everything about you. I’m sorry that I still write about you. I’m sorry about the little details of nothingness that became everything we stay up to. Baby, I’m sorry that March became a treasure you always look for when spring comes around. I know the end of every month means you’ve cried at least once, do you still cry often? I know your source of tears may seem silly, but it’s tragic being a sensitive individual in such a vivid world. I know you’ve tasted death these past few months and I should have called to calm your nerves, but I feel like you didn’t mourn us–

You say you feel empty. You say you know what it’s like. You say you miss us. You say you missed who we were. Who we were and who we are now–

There’s not much of a difference.

And you were different, but it always ends the same way and it’s never happy–

I have an addictive personality and my choices are stupid and never thought out and I write about silly nothings and I speak about the tragedy of a moron and how love is for fools–

Baby, I’m sorry about grabbing your hips. I’m sorry about all of the dances we did in the dark to our favorite song. I couldn’t hold all of your tears and I forgot why I fell in love with you, I treated you like you were more and you weren’t. Baby, I’m sorry about the heartbreak and the ways that I have shouted. I’m sorry about deleting your number, it sucks because I know damn well every digit. I still call, but it’s never physical. It’s emotional and I know it’s empty, I know it’s black and I know it’s blue and purple and I know you may be suffocating– I hope you can forgive me for not calling, I hope you’re happy because I used to love us too. I still think about you all of the time.

I still love us, but it’s not the same
and, I guess time heals all wounds–

But it numbs at the throat
and I can’t keep saying sorry,
but I must.

And I know I haven’t changed much, and I know things are better this way and I know we can never go back, and I know that we had to love that way to understand about today and I had to be without you to be where I am–

I’m in a better place, but it would be nice if we were still friends, still those two kids who thought they knew it all, but there’s still room to learn and that’s where I am.

I’m proud of you for reaching your goals.
I’m proud of your new relationship.

I never said it enough,
but I always supported you.

Why couldn’t you do the same?

I guess toxic relationships do just that–

I hope you never regret us as much as I do.

Because while I still miss us,
sometimes, I still wish it didn’t have to end.

—  They say the best poetry comes from heartache and loss, but how come everything looks shitty and everything still hurts when I think about the things I could have done better? I’m sorry. I’m sorry we couldn’t be forever. I’m sorry we couldn’t be always. I’m sorry that I still write about you. I’m sorry about still loving you.
// k.c.
lets freefall and see where we land

prompt: “AU where Killian and Emma are actors and were in a movie together, and they had to kiss and now they’ve won the MTV Movie Award for Best Kiss, and “have” to do it again on stage. Only this time it’s different, it’s real, and things shift from then on.”

word count: ~4500

rating: k for kisses and r for rip-my-heart-out-angst

an: the ever lovely katherineswan came to me with this prompt a few weeks ago- sorry it took so long my dear! Thank you so much to thejollypirate for beta reading this with such fabulous side commentary. You make me swoon. <3


Rule One: don’t take roles that involve a romantic interest

Rule Two: if there are no other roles available, then ensure that everything stays professional on (and off) set

Rule Three: don’t make things out to be more than they are

Rule Four: love is nothing but pain, never give into it

The rules are written neatly, tucked away in the top drawer of the bedside table, and its existence only came to be because of a few mistakes Emma Swan would like to forget.

Keep reading

MAD SERIES #1: JACKSON

title: Boxed In 
word count: 2008 
prompt: Jackson + his punching bag in got7′s If I Do MV (please watch & support it!) - Jackson, a competitive boxer keeps to himself, until the day he meets you and his heart – and world – open up. 
note: the MAD SERIES will be a one shot series for each of the members of got7 based on their role in their music video, If I Do


He wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you.

He kept telling himself over and over again to not get involved, but he couldn’t leave you that first night you met. The music was blaring, just like any house party, but it wasn’t loud enough to block out the yelling between you and a guy.

“Just — leave me alone, seriously,” you said, pushing him away. You tried to be nice at first, but you could smell the alcohol in his breath as he grabbed your arm, pulling you in close.

“Why,” he said slyly. You tried to break free, but you couldn’t, so you did what anyone else would have done: yelled.

“Get — off — of — me!” you yelled, pushing him away hard. Good thing he was too drunk to have any real strength, but you could see his eyes turning angry and he plunged for you until —

“HEY!” Jackson bellowed. He rushed toward you, pushing off the guy he recognized from his boxing team off of you. “Let her go,” Jackson says, pinning him against the wall.

“I didn’t mean anything,” he says, throwing his hands up in defense.

“Yeah, yeah, just leave her alone, okay?” Jackson says loud enough for everyone else to hear, “Seriously.”

Just because they were on the same boxing team didn’t mean that they were both equally strong — everyone knew not to mess with Jackson. You could see his arms even through his sleek black knit sweater, and the fierce look in his eyes when he was mad wasn’t something anyone wanted to mess with.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

So this is kinda ehh, but do you have any advice for girls who don't think they're ever gonna find someone to love them? Like I don't think I'll ever find someone who would want to be in a relationship with me and you and Chap are super cute and I was just wondering if you had some words of wisdom?

I advise this. It will be a jumble of things my beautiful mother taught me when she was alive.

Don’t be in a rush to find someone because the person worth your time is busy doing the growing up and learning they need to do to become the person worthy of you just like you’re busy collecting experiences and becoming the person that’s worth ofy them. It’s easy to look at people and think, “Why don’t they like me? I’m great. I’d be such a good girlfriend.” And you would, but they might not appreciate it or treat you as well as you treat them. Not because they’re bad people, but they just aren’t capable and compatible. 

All through out high school, I was the only one in my friend group who didn’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend and I used to think, ‘What is wrong with me?’ but now that i’m older I think “Good. I’m glad I didn’t have to have all the saliva on my face or nights up crying just because some guy didn’t know enough to text back”. Let guys practice with others, let the other girls deal with the garlic breath kisses, the careless weekend treatment, the being fingered in between stalls at Fuddrucker’s by some guy who doesn’t clip his nails, the weird kind of compliments, and the sweaty groping and rude remarks. Let them do their learning and growing, so when they come to you, they’re ready. They have improved and learned and have come to you as a well developed package. 

Chap and I met when I was a teenager and he was still really young. We were crazy about each other, but due to circumstance couldn’t be together the way we wanted. We talk about our other relationships that we were in while being friends and I think, “Jesus, we would not have lasted if he pulled that with me.” and he always says “Yeah, you had so much growing up to do…” I didn’t know what I actually wanted and I don’t think he did either so we would have crashed and burned and who knows if we would have stayed friends? 

Somebody messaged me to ask them how to make a guy like them. What did they have to do? The answer is nothing. Being you is literally the best weapon in your flirting arsenal. You can’t try to make someone like you or fake something because it won’t last. A foundation has to be real because you can’t keep up a front, it’ll crumble. I don’t have a lot of regrets, I’d do a lot of the stupid things I’ve done all over again, but I do wish I hadn’t stayed with people who treated me like garbage or that I tried to change for people who wouldn’t even lift a finger for me in return. Chap has known me at every weight (I’ve been a 2 and I’ve been a 12 and I’ve been everything in between), he’s known me through unemployment, depression, different hair colors, and we’ve been there for each other during scenarios so dark that I’m not willing to discuss them, but we love each other because all those things don’t matter. Your value can’t be determined by your looks or your job. There is someone out there who will understand your significance and appreciate it, but if you didn’t have to wait for them, you could never appreciate them back. If they just popped up out of every bush, it would be no big deal. The reason why we hold on to special people is because we know how rare that connection is. Love doesn’t come around constantly, it’s work and it’s patience, but it’s ultimately worth it. The pay off is delicious. Not every guy is going to understand that though. It takes a while to figure all that out though. My ex before Chap put all of a person’s value on what they wore and who they hung out with, so he could never possibly appreciate a significant other or have a healthy relationship. My point is someone will understand your worth and they will be WORTH the wait. Gosh, I worry I’m rambling.

I don’t know how to conclude this, but I think dating yourself and getting to know yourself is powerful. Education is powerful and sexy. I fully believe that Chap and I would not be together if I hadn’t found some confidence in myself. He knows that I don’t need him and that makes him put in some effort (and people tend to like to avoid effort if they can). So be in love with yourself because that will capture someone’s attention and they’ll want to get to know what’s so amazing. You have to understand your own value before you can be in the hands of someone else. Watch people in a department store, they pick up flip flops and Jimmy Choo’s the exact same way. You want someone who knows the difference.

I hope this is helpful. Just know that for something that is so short, life is long and you won’t spend it alone, but it’s important to be happy alone.

ALSO I DO NOT CLAIM TO KNOW ANYTHING. This is just what I would tell my little sister if she asked me this. She would never go to me for boy advice though because she knows I would ramble.

texts I never sent

25 June 2014, 7:37am
why did it take you this long to ask for my number I’ve been flirting with you as much as I possibly could have for weeks

26 June 2014, 11:58pm
I thought maybe I was imagining that you liked me but you held my hand on the way home and now I think I should have kissed you when we were dancing

28 June 2014, 3:26am
I feel bad that she’s right across the table from us but fuck it’s hard to remember that when you’re touching my leg and leaning into my neck like this

01 July 2014, 10:52pm
I’m going into this thinking “this is it this is the one that’s gonna break my heart” and praying I’m wrong but maybe you’re kinda worth it

14 July 2014, 11:23am
I’ve never met anyone that looks like you and I can’t imagine how you look in the mirror and don’t see stars and I know you hate when I call you cute but god cute doesn’t even begin to describe it

15 July 2014, 1:01pm
I think your ex girlfriend is stalking me on tumblr and I’m flattered you told her enough about me for her to find me

23 July 2014, 11:46pm
He has nothing on you.

02 August 2014, 3:33pm
I heard you guys “have a thing” and I know you don’t like her as much as you like me and I know you didn’t kiss her and I know you’re not mine but it feels like you are and you act like you are and I don’t know how I’m supposed to handle this

07 August 2014, 2:12am
I’m so drunk and i kissed him and maybe it’s because he’s here and you’re not and the alcohol on his breath makes me think i can run away from this empty pit in my chest and fill it with vodka while you’re away but all i really know is that i miss you

08 August 2014, 10:27am
You said “it’s fine, we’re not together, you can kiss whoever you want” and I thought hearing that would kill me but the way you said it made me feel like you cared about me enough to not try to keep me tied down to you from far away and that’s when I realized I want you to keep me tied down. I shouldn’t have kissed him

15 August 2014, 9:56pm
I haven’t heard from you in a week and I can’t get out of bed

16 August 2014, 12:30pm
our friends invited me to stay with them and I know it’s only 15 minutes from where you live and the beach is really nice this time of year and I hate last minute plans but seeing you is the best thing I could imagine right now

21 August 2014, 2:47am
I know the only reason we’re back to talking this much is because we’re going to see each other soon but honestly I’ll take any excuse I can get

29 August 2014, 9:35am
They told us we couldn’t get on the bus and I cried and she held me and rubbed my back and told me that I’d see matthew soon anyways, but you were the only person I cared about seeing there

29 August 2014, 9:48am
We got onto the bus. that’s all that matters right now, I’m actually going to see you again

30 August 2014, 12:44am
all I can think about is your lips on my neck and your hands in my hair and down my back and your body pressed against me and how even when your lips weren’t on mine I still couldn’t remember how to breathe and I swear we found heaven in that little corner of the pool

30 August 2014, 5:21am
there’s no way to explain how waking up next to you feels

01 September 2014, 11:32am
I’m trying really hard not to cry because there are people around and she’s sitting next to me and I don’t want her to think I’m weak but you’re the only thing I can think about right now

02 September 2014, 1:29am
I think I got all my crying out. we’ll see each other in a few weeks, I can toughen up until then

17 September 2014, 12:01am
I know you’ve got to wake up early tomorrow and you should have gone to bed hours ago but my first “happy birthday” text at midnight came from you and maybe that’s good luck

19 September 2014, 10:46pm
We can see the entire concert from the top of this ferris wheel and thousands of little white lights make a sea below us but a hundred feet above ground I’m drowning in your eyes and can’t feel anything except your hand on my neck and while my favorite band plays my favorite song all I can hear is my heartbeat in my throat

21 September 2014, 7:13am
Maybe if I keep telling myself I’ll see you again it’ll come true

24 September 2014, 11:58pm
I know it’s late and we’re tired and unreasonable and we’re deluding ourselves with this but that little bit of false hope is keeping me going. at least I know you need me as much as I need you.

11 October 2014, 3:46am
When you said you cared about me more than anyone my heart grew into the sky and when you finished with “but long distance would be too hard” I felt an arrow shoot into my chest so to keep you happy I said “yeah I agree” but honey I’ve been laying in bed for four hours staring at the stickers on my ceiling and all I can hope is that you’re doing the same and thinking the same and that you’ll text me any second saying you were wrong. I’d drive three hours to your door every damn day if you wanted me to.

11 October 2014, 8:08am
Please change your mind.

31 October 2014, 9:43pm
A boy at this debate tournament I’m at was hitting on me pretty hard and I want you to be here to get jealous and kiss me in front of him like you did at the concert but you’re not here and you can’t kiss me and I’m not yours and it’s frustrating to no end that I can’t tell you things like this anymore because you think we can’t have feelings for each other anymore

13 November 2014, 10:07pm
I’m glad you were honest with me about you seeing someone else but god I wish you’d realize how much this is breaking my heart. I know I told you I’m seeing other people, and I am, but I guess I didn’t tell you that none of them even hold a candle to how much you meant to me

13 November 2014, 10:22pm
I found her instagram. she’s prettier than me. I hope that when she tells you you’re a good kisser you remember who taught you how to kiss.

26 November 2014, 12:35pm
I ate a lot at thanksgiving yesterday. that was the first holiday in two years that I haven’t slipped food off my plate into the trash when no one’s looking and i think you’d be happy for me

10 December 2014, 7:27am
We haven’t spoken in weeks. I stopped caring about a week and a half ago.

16 December 2014, 6:32pm
Do snapchat conversations mean we’re friends again?

26 December 2014, 9:12am
I’m going to be back at the beach in less than a week and it’s so much more disappointing than I thought it’d be, hearing that you won’t be in town

27 December 2014, 12:22am
I’m not going to let you control my mood. I got over you a long time ago and there’s no chance in hell I’m going to let your influence over me come back. I can have fun without you there. I’m stronger than I was when you left.

01 January 2015, 4:05pm
I can’t look at the bed we slept in or walk past the pool where you first kissed me or lay by the beach where you held my hand and pulled me into the water with you and told me you wished I lived there with you. memories of you are fucking haunting this place

01 January 2015, 5:43pm
I made a decision to push you out of my thoughts and take care of our friends this weekend and it’s not working enough to keep me okay but it’s enough to look okay. it isn’t fair that you can fuck with my head from 600 miles away and not even know what you’re doing

03 January 2015, 11:21pm
we’re driving home late at night down the same roads we took with you a few months ago and constant conversations just came on my ipod and I let it play and all I could think of was that last night here with you with our friends asleep in the back of your truck and your hand wrapped around mine and this song shaking the bass around our seats and your eyes switching between me and the road while we flew seventy miles an hour down the interstate and your lips meeting mine and not caring if you wrecked the car because god I would give anything to die in a moment as peaceful and safe and loved as that. it isn’t the same here without you.

04 January 2015, 2:00pm
the second I was alone I couldn’t stop crying and god it feels like someone’s died. I thought I got over you but now fuck you’re everywhere

I'll Be Waiting

Just a quick 6x07 reaction fic

As the kids file out with a peppy energy and enthusiasm that Kurt already finds himself envious of—he hadn’t banked on adulthood being so grueling—he discreetly pulls his phone from his front pocket to check again.

“Quit pining,” Rachel says, breezing past him with her bubblegum scented conditioner and heels snapping against the tile flooring.

He shoves his phone crooked in his pocket, and he feels unbalanced with it put back like that. “I’m not pining.”

In the hallways sneakers squeak and lockers slam, bodies rush past and dawdle past and loiter in doorways and corners. It’s funny how much he both doesn’t miss it as much as he thought he might, and yet isn’t as relieved to be done with high school life as he’d expected. His problems were simpler to solve, his happiness easier to find. Or at least it seems that way in rose-tinted retrospect.

Keep reading

I'll Be Home | Optional Bias |

fluff / slight attempt at angst / holiday themed

The soft sound of ‘Let It Snow’ plays in the background as the lights slightly dims; the only real radiance coming from his eyes as they melt into yours. Nothing was better than this moment.

His gentle touch is on your hips as you comfortably rest your hands on his shoulders; the two of you slowly swaying to the music. Finally he’s yours and surely you’re his, and it was all you ever really wanted this Christmas.

“I could stay like this forever” You bashfully admit, and it was all you wanted him to know, 

“Yeah?” He grins, moving one hand from your side up towards your cheek, “Me too…" 

….

"Are you sure you don’t wanna dance?”

Your best friend offered out her hand after a spin with her boyfriend on the ballroom floor of the yearly Christmas party,

“I don’t want to sound childish or anything” You confessed, fiddling with bracelet on your wrist, “But I was sort of saving the first dance for-”

“For Mr. Superstar?” She chuckled, grabbing a seat beside you at the round table, “It’s fine. I just hate seeing you like this; considering that this is the fifth party we’ve been to together this entire year and five our of five times, he hasn’t been here”

“He was supposed to be here, tonight” You reminded her, words you’ve almost been used to saying, “But his flight was delayed; especially with the weather. It can’t be helped, I guess”

The same feeling began to hit you again. It was a mixture between butterflies in your stomach and warm tears boiling near your eyes; you were missing him like crazy and nights like these only made it feel worse.

“Hey, are you alright?” Your best friend, wrapped an arm around your shoulder, giving her best bear hugs, “I know that look”

You gently lifted off her arm, returning her gesture with your best forced smile, 

“I’ll just be outside” You rose up from your festive decorated seat, “Don’t wait up, okay?”

'You’ve reached my number! I can’t pick up right now, but you know I will when I get your message, so leave one after the beep!’

His comforting voice played through your cell phone speaker as you sat in the cold front steps of the hall building; finding yourself dialling his number once more, maybe he’d pick up.

After the nth time, you flicked through your past messages, scrolling through the countless heart emoticons and emoji’s; stopping on the one text that stood out amongst the rest.

I’ll be home’

Home. Right now, all you could think of was him being your home. And that home was missing for so long and nothing could replace that feeling that home really felt like.

Was this only expected from being with a celebrity, a star like him? Was it wrong to wish on the first star you saw that, begging that he’d be home with you as soon as he could?

“Hey babe, I’ve landed!" His voice is so chirpy for 2AM in the morning as he called you as soon as he could switch his cell back on in the airport, "I interrupted your sleep, didn’t I? haha”

The biggest smile crept onto your face and you couldn’t help but bring the bed sheets up to your mouth as if to hide your grin. You want to tell him that you’ve been up all night waiting for his call, but the best you can do is mumble.

“Sort of…” You drifted off, slumber finally kicking in but the urge to see him was stronger, “When do you think you’ll be home?”

“The customs line is short at this time” He chuckled, you could almost hear him ruffling his hair simultaneously, “Maybe an hour? But truth be told, I still haven’t got you a gift yet and I was thinking of going shopping”

“It’s 2:30AM!” You didn’t believe him, but then again, for someone as famous as him from a group like his, any store would open their doors at this time in the morning, “And anyway, I don’t need a present”

“But you want a present, don’t you?” He teased, “Let me buy us some snacks or something on the way”

You wanted to say it, more so, you needed to say it and nothing was holding you back.

“I need you” You tried to hold back the tears but they fell down your face anyway, “And I just want you home”

He could hear you almost about to tear up, knowing that he had nothing else that he could do,

“I promise..” He assured you just like those months and days ago,

“…I’ll be home”

yaaaaaaay for fluffy stuff hahahahaha this is my gift for everyone! you can imagine whichever bias you like and re read it with another LOL. 

Thanks for reading and please hit like! and tell me your feelz too! hahaha

anonymous asked:

Your words really help me... it's just that rn I feel so down... my self esteem is just nonexistent tbh and I wish I had some confidence, but I feel sad and ugly and like I'll never truly find someone who likes me completely...

I understand, and I want you to know that you’re not alone in feeling that way at all. And I know that may not help much, but it’s true. I feel that way sometimes too, but I’ve had it in my head (more recently than not) that it is not fair to me to feel that way. I may not be perfect, but I’m gonna rock what I’ve got and I’m going to love it. I used to try to fit in in high school but I just never did. I’d get self conscious over my outfits, my hair, my make up, my face, my eyebrows. I’d want attention from boys all of the time. If a boy didn’t flirt with me I’d get worried that I wasn’t attractive. I dated a boy 4 years older than me who told me the first time he saw me he watched my ass all the way down the hall, and then continued to tell his friends he wants to pin me to a wall and nail me. That is how high school started off for me and that is how the majority of my interactions with the opposite sex have been since then. That is what I based my self worth on - my sex appeal, when I was a freshman in high school. The only way I would ever feel confident is if someone wanted me. I thought that way up until not too long ago. Sure it feels great when someone wants you, but that should never be the root of your confidence and self love. You’ve got to bring it from within yourself. You’ve got to stare in the mirror when you’re all dolled up or completely naked right when you wake up and you’ve got to think about how beautiful you are and how lucky you are to have a body to live in, to exist at all. You’ve got to put your hands on your hips. Hold yourself. Get real close and look at your irises. Admire the way your skin folds in the palms of your hands when you move them. I’ve learned that you have to face the things you don’t want to look at, the things you hate, until you start to love them. You’ve got to be aching over it and just know that you’re going to get through that. You have to change your mindset, reprogram what you’re supposed to think about yourself. Don’t look at any magazines. Don’t even read the covers of them. Stay away from the sort of things that push you to be a certain type of person. Stay away from the sort of things that want you to fit into the only mold there is. You’re not meant for it. Not at all. Being sad is okay. Whatever is inside of you is human and acceptable. I think we all forget how human every single one of us is. You could look at a person you hardly know, or even know pretty well, and think that they’re perfect and you wish that you could be like them. But you don’t know how much courage they have to muster up to get up in the morning and present themselves the way that they do. You don’t know what they fall asleep thinking about, or what keeps them up at night. You don’t know about the people they’ve lost or how many times they’ve been hurt. You don’t know what you could mention that’d make them break down, because everyone has something. Everybody kind of has a mask and that’s who you see most of the time. We’re taught to be less human. It makes it easier to be loved and desired and hired and admired. Isn’t that silly? So I’m practicing being transparent. I’m practicing being honest and leaving the mask somewhere. Burying the mask. I’m practicing self love in ways that may seem like I am vain. I’m changing my mind and I’m speaking it. I’m holding myself. I’m being a disastrous mess when I feel like that’s what I’ve got to be. Because I’m so goddamn human and so are you. I’ve had at least a thousand days where I don’t want to get out of bed. I’ve felt unworthy of love and I’ve felt like I’m not good enough for people and like I can’t do what I want to do, like I am not capable of achieving my goals. I’ve felt like less of a person because I put my confidence in the hands of others. I’ve based my confidence and my self worth on really a single thing: whether or not another person wants to be with me. And that’s destructive because I don’t know if I will be with another person. I don’t know if anything will ever work out for me. And that thought used to kill me. That I’d never be enough for another person or I’d be too much, too difficult, too stubborn, too sad, too anxious, too confused, too whatever. I wanted to be enough for certain people I had loved and I wasn’t, but that’s not my fault and that’s not theirs either. That’s just how it goes. So I stopped basing my confidence on that and I started basing it on me. I think these things now: ‘I am proud of myself today because something didn’t work out and I am still moving forward’ or ‘Today I talked myself out of an anxiety attack’ or ‘I have made a successful piece of artwork for the first time in a year today’ or ‘I wrote something.’ It isn’t ‘Today a boy told me he loved me.’ or ‘Today he texted me first.’ No more. I am beautiful because I am alive. I am beautiful because I am human. You are beautiful because you are alive. You are beautiful because you are human. With all of your edges and your soft parts and your bruises and your stretch marks. With all of your nights full of tears and days of not wanting to look in the mirror. That’s beautiful. Your humanness is beautiful. And truthfully, the only person who needs to like you completely is you. That is what is important. Nobody else’s opinion of you is important as your own. So please be human and feel and bring everything from yourself. 

Stop, I’m At Work

A/N: A much requested teasing-phil-at-work smut!

Phil’s job at Radio 1 was the coolest thing ever, you would openly admit that. But it didn’t make you any less bored on the nights he was working. True, his on-air time was much less these days, but it was 15 minutes into his show and you were counting the minutes until he would be back. 

‘I miss youuuuu’ You texted him, and a minute later you watched him pull his phone out of his pocket and smile a little.

'Miss you too. I’ll be home in an hour or two <3" You pouted at the screen. Two hours was a long, long time. 

'Babe, what am i supposed to do without you for that long? I’m boooored’ you sent back, and you had to wait until they started another song for a reply.

'Bake brownies. Watch a movie. Occupy yourself. I can’t keep texting you when I’m on the air, you know that’ He must be getting a bit annoyed now. You weren’t sure why, but you decided to push him a little bit.

'Occupy myself? Whatever you say.’ You rummaged around in your nightstand and pulled out your favorite vibrator and snapped a quick photo, sending it along with the text. You watched with a smirk as he read the text, lips pursed. Dan peeked over at his screen and widened his eyes, and you laughed.

'I wish you were home right now’

'I want you to make me moan.’

'I’m so horny right now, I wish you could taste me, make me feel good like only you can’

You watched the screen, waiting for him to check his phone again. You saw him read each message, taking a deep breath. You hoped he was getting hard. Teasing was fun.

'Goddammit, Y/N. I’m at work.“ He texted back, trying to be discrete. You weren’t actually touching yourself, but you really were getting turned on by teasing him like this.

'Are you going to punish me when you get back?’

'Spank me?’

'Choke me?’

'Tease me to the edge and back?’ He was trying to ignore his phone, you could tell. But he hadn’t shut it off. Finally, nearly 15 minutes later, you got your satisfaction as his cheeks reddened after a quick glance to the screen.

'I love watching you squirm.’

'Is your cock hard yet?’

'I bet it is.’

'I want to taste it.’

The show was drawing to a close, and your heart was pounding, awaiting his response. He went off-air, and now you had no idea of his reactions. You were almost convinced he had forgotten about you, when finally your phone buzzed again.

'I expect to find you naked, blindfolded, on your knees, mouth open and tongue out.’ Just reading that your cheeks warmed, and you were nearly certain there was a puddle in your panties. You closed your bedroom door before stripping off your clothes. You retrieved a plain black tie from Phil’s wardrobe and tied it around your head before slipping it off again. There was nothing to do now but wait.

27 minutes later, you heard a key in the door. You hurried to slip the tie over your eyes again and assume the position on your knees, hands held behind your back, jaw wide open. Only one person entered the flat, heading towards the bedroom. Your heart was pounding in your ears. Your tongue was getting dry, although you were salivating with anticipation. Slowly, someone was getting closer to you, taking his damn sweet time.

"Good girl” Phil whispered, barely loud enough for you to hear him. He ran his hand over your hair before you felt the head of his hard cock hit your tongue. “No hands.” He ordered, just a moment after you started to move them. You swirled your tongue over the head, flicking at the underside before kissing and licking all over the shaft. He took hold of your head and guided you, taking in as much as you could before pulling back, slowly at first, but soon it felt as if he was fucking your mouth. You felt dirty, your clit was pounding and you ached to be touched. 

He pulled you off him without warning, and you heard him circle you, starting to remove pieces of his clothing. “So, you think it’s fun to tease me while I’m at work? Make me blush? Make me hard?” You held back a smirk, no idea what punishment he had in mind for you. “Well, now it’s my turn to tease you. On the bed." 

You stood and made your way blindly towards the bed. You lay down perfectly center on it, waiting for further instruction. Instead, you felt handcuffs around your left wrist. Warm, familiar fingers brought your arms above your head, securing the handcuffs on your other wrist. They were passed over the headboard, making you unable to lower your arms. He then wrapped something that could have been another tie around your ankle, tethering it somewhere before doing the same to your other leg. You now had both legs spread in a lewd display for Phil to enjoy.

Then he simply stood still.

You had no idea for how long, but he was just admiring you from the foot of the bed. You swear there hadn’t been a sound of his movement, but then you heard him near your ear. "I am going to drive you mad.”

He started tracing those long fingers along your arms, then around your torso, just meandering a curvy, winding path. Finally he decided it was time to touch your breasts, tracing the same swirling pattern with one finger all along one, then the other. He just barely brushed across your nipples and you let out the tiniest sigh. You wanted him to pull them, pinch them, suck them.

As if reading your mind, you felt his tongue flick over one, then he suckled on it, just for a moment. He repeated on the other side before going back to his hands, trailing down to travel across your legs, all the way to your toes, then coming back up to circle all around your thighs.

He seemed to have his fill of using his hands, and moved to lips. He started at the top again, kissing all over your arms, the occasional lick or nibble. As he attacked your neck, you moaned. If he wanted to drive you mad, he was certainly getting there. He continued just as he had before, spending a bit more time worshiping your nipples. By the time he was nipping at your thighs, you were writhing.

“See? It’s no fun to be teased.”

You gasped as his tongue hit home, licking between your wet folds. Then it was gone. Then another lick. Another pause. He did this, ten, maybe fifteen times. Each time the pleasure felt doubled. Your breath was getting faster, you never imagined you could get so hot from so few touches.

You felt your legs be released, one at a time, and now you were certain what would come next. Phil lifted your legs up, kneeling over you before sliding into your throbbing cunt. You let out a load moan, finally full. He thrust into you slowly, sighing in pleasure. He moaned a fuck under his breath before upping his pace, slamming into you hard.

“I don’t think I’m going to last that long. Getting you hot and bothered got me pretty close.” He breathed out. Another minute or two, and he let out a slew of grunts accompanied by a “God, Y/N!” as he came.

“Please make me cum.” Since your hands were still secured, you had no way to complete the task yourself. 

“Of course.” Back to his usual softy self, he kissed all over your pussy, using two fingers to rub your g-spot. Your breath quickened, and he sucked and flicked your clit, increasing the pace of his fingers. 

“Fuck!” Your hips bucked as your long-awaited orgasm came, body-slamming into your clit and radiating all over your body. Phil undid the handcuffs, and you took the blindfold off to find his familiar goofy smile. “Thank you.”

Drip, Drip, Splash

Fitz is staying a night away on a mission when he gets a call from Jemma… with slightly awkward timing…

/-/-/

Steam rose from above the shining white porcelain of the bathtub, warming Fitz’s face as he sunk the rest of himself into the wonderfully warm water. A sigh passed out of him as it soaked into his skin, soothing the stiff muscles in his back and arms. It was wonderful.

His eyes were half closed and he was listening to the drip of the faucet, completely relaxed, when his phone buzzed from the table beside him, nearly making him jump out of his skin.

He answered automatically, now used to an urgency in phone calls from years of working for SHIELD.

“Hello?”

“Fitz?” It was Jemma. She didn’t sound in a rush, or in a panic. Actually she sounded downright cheerful. “How was the ride there? Have you settled in for the night? I hope I’ve caught you before you’ve gone to bed-“

“This, er….” His eyes ran awkwardly over his naked form, a flush rushing to his cheeks even though he knew she couldn’t see him. “It’s not… I’m not dressed,” he blurted.

“Fitz I can’t see you,” she reminded him, and he could hear her eyes rolling through the phone.

“Right…” He brought up his knees, covering himself anyway. He was debating whether or not to tell her to call back when she went on.

“I miss you,” she told him matter-of-factly. “I know you’ve barely been gone a day but…” Her breath fuzzed through the speaker. “We have a lot of lost time to catch up on as it is.” There was a pause on her end and he was searching for a reply, thinking she was finished, when she spoke again. “I know that sounds silly-“

“It doesn’t,” he assured her. Unconsciously, he stretched back out again, sitting up and shaking his head. “But we have time now and… what did you want to talk about?”

Keep reading

Harry Styles Imagine for Y/N

Y/N’s POV

Lying on my couch, bored as ever, I was happy when I got a text from my best friend, Harry.

‘Hey babe! Wanna come over to my house? I’m bored as ever!’

I felt my heart leap when he called me babe. I know he calls me it all the time, but I may have a slight crush on him.

Ok, fine. I’m in love with him. But he only likes me as a friend, sadly.

'Sure babe! I’ll be over in 5!’

Yes, I call him babe too. He doesn’t seem to mind. I quickly grabbed my keys and my phone and left to his house.

Once I got there, I walked up to his door. Before I had the chance to knock, the door opened. He stood there looking hot as ever wearing a white t-shirt that fit him perfectly and a pair of sweatpants.

He smiled his perfect smile that I adored so much at me. “Hey Y/N I was thinking maybe we could just watch a few movies together and then do whatever you want afterwards.”

“Sounds good to me” I said as I walked inside. I sat down on the couch as he searched through the movies.

“What movie do you wanna watch?” He asked

“How about The Conjuring?” I hate scary movies, but me being scared is just an excuse to cuddle close to him.

Harry raised his eyebrow at me, but didn’t say anything. He put in the movie and sat down on the couch next to me.

As soon as the scary parts were happening, I immediately cuddled up next to Harry and hid my face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me closer.


Harry’s POV

Y/N had cuddled up close and his her face in my chest when the scary parts happened. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer to me.

I’m glad she chose a horror movie, I love cuddling with her. She is my best friend, but a while ago I developed strong feelings for her. I just wish she would feel the same for me.

I barely paid any attention to the movie. I just couldn’t stop staring at her. She didn’t have her face hidden on my chest anymore, but she still had her head resting on my chest while watching the movie.

I continued to stare at her throughout the movie. I’ve seen the movie before anyways.

Y/N’s POV

I felt Harry’s gaze on me during the movie. If it was anyone else, I would probably be creeped out. But with him staring at me, it gives me hope that maybe there’s a chance that he likes me back.

The movie ended 5 minutes ago, but I’m still cuddled up against Harry and he’s still staring at me.

I decided that I should probably move now because I’m just a best friend to him.

I noticed him frowning as I moved from my position, but I chose to ignore it.

“What movie do you wanna watch next?” I asked him. “Harry?” I said when he didn’t answer.

“Huh? Oh, whatever you want, love.” He said in a nervous tone.

“Harry, is there something wrong?”

“No of course not” he fake laughed. I could tell he was lying.

“C'mon Haz, you can tell me” I said as I sat closer to him and grabbed his hand in mine.

He looked down at our hands and intertwined our fingers. “It’s- it’s just…” He trailed off. “I-I l-love you” he stuttered. He let out a breath that he seemed to be holding in for a while.

Shocked, I didn’t know what to say. He loves me back? This usually only happens in movies.

When I didn’t say anything, he looked at me with sad eyes and said “I knew you didn’t love me back. I’m sorry I just ruined our friendship”

He took his hand away from mine, but I quickly grabbed it again. Harry looked at me with hope in his eyes.

I smiled at him. “Harry, I love you too.”

“Really?” He smiled widely at me.

I nodded my head, also with a huge smile on my face. He gently put his hands on the sides of my face and leaned in closer. I started to lean in too. I could feel his hot breath on my face when we were only an inch apart.

His bright green eyes looked into mine before looking down at my lips. I looked down at his pink plump lips and closed the distance between us.

As soon as our lips met, I felt fireworks rush through me. He kissed me back with so much love. His lips were softer than I imagined they were.

I opened my mouth and he didn’t hesitate to slide his tongue into my mouth.

After our little make out session, I pulled away and looked into his eyes. His eyes were bright with happiness as he smiled at me.

“I love you so much, Y/N” he whispered.

“I love you too, Harry. So so much.” I smiled and pecked his lips.

“So are we dating now?” Harry asked.

“You have to ask me to be your girlfriend first.” I smirked at him.

He got down on one knee in front of me and said “Will you, Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N, be my beloved girlfriend?”

“Of course I will!” He grinned and got up and hugged me close to him.

“Stay?” Harry quietly asked me.

“I didn’t bring any extra clothing.”

“It’s alright, you can just wear mine.” He smirked.

“Okay, I’ll stay.” I like the idea of wearing his clothes.

We walked into his room and he tossed me one of his shirts. I caught it and began to take my shirt and pants off. I was comfortable with changing in front of him even when we were just best friends.

He bit his lip as we watched me. I slipped his shirt on and got into his bed. He took his pants and shirt off and got in next to me.

I immediately cuddled up to him and he wrapped his arms around me. “Goodnight, baby” he whispered.

“Goodnight.” I mumbled back as I snuggled closer and rested my head on his chest.

I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of his heartbeat. It eventually put me into a deep sleep. I dreamed of our future together. I couldn’t be happier than I am right now.