there are two settings. the first is success, a crushing perfection that simmers below the surface, a gritted-teeth force that breaks down more often than it runs. it is relying on panic to wake you up, it is nightmares about numbers, it is being unable to stop shaking when the test comes back, it is empty scores, no flaws found but still feels sore. it is the appearance of self-assurance, top-of-the-class, always-in-yoga. nobody gets into the room when you’re sobbing over your gpa. they only smell the candles and not the burning.
the second is failure. it comes in the wake of the smallest thing. a shrug and “you could have done better” rather than a smile. that’s it. and then it’s time to destroy everything. she frowned at me once, we aren’t really her friend and we must never speak to her again. he didn’t want to get dinner, not only is he not interested but he finds us repulsive. it is realizing you are sixteen minutes late and just skipping class rather than showing up late. it’s refusing to study because you understand nothing. it’s taking something down before someone can rip it down for you. it’s isolating yourself so nothing can hurt you and it’s hurting because you’re isolated. it’s missed calls, never-at-work, always-too-drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that there were already hints in ep1 for what happened to Makkachin in this episode?
I mean, this scene where Yuko shows the magazine to Yuri…
if you look
at the interview…
Interviewer: Makkachin is quite a large dog, isn’t he?
Victor: He’s a standard poodle and I have him for 3 years now. He sleeps a lot, so that’s maybe why he became so large. Another reason (for his size) might be that he often steals and eats food. He’s really good at doing that without being noticed by me.
And apparently Makkachin’s bad habit hasn’t changed after 12 years…
i spend too much of my life thinking about heat leech alec lightwood getting all up in magnus’s business because he’s just so warm and broad isn’t he
so consider magnus has changed into one of those loose drapey shirts after a long day of clients bustling in and out of the loft, and he’s spread out on the couch, a book in hand, a glass of whisky on the coffee table next to him. suddenly he feels the couch dip and he shifts his book out of his line of sight to see this lanky man made of long limbs and dark hair crawling up over him, until his shirt is pulled up and alec’s head just disappears under it. he’s halfway confused and about to protest when alec’s face - which is freezing cold, despite how warm it is all through the loft - presses against his sternum and long arms are pushing to wrap around his torso and he tenses, letting out something between a huff and a chuckle.
alec settles and lets out a slow sigh, nuzzling into his skin, lips pressing a few soft kisses against the planes of his stomach. magnus can’t help but smile, laughing quietly and reaching down to press a hand into the head shaped mass under his shirt.
“you warm enough now?” he asks, rubbing his thumb in a short circle close to where alec’s ear must be.
“yeah…” alec hums against his stomach and magnus goes back to his book, a smirk pulling at his lips as a little shiver rolls through him.
Doubt had always crossed her mind, but the thoughts in her mind had become to much. She questioned everything he did always assuming the worst and believed that she would in the end do something to mess things up.
He was a prince and she was a commoner.
He was a lion and she was the lamb.
He was so close and yet she was so far away.
He was the one and maybe she wasn’t.
In that moment she had never been more afraid to lose someone.