i needed to get my feelings about sherlock out somehow, so i wrote them down and decided to record myself reading it. neither of these things are things i am comfortable with, but i… needed to do it. i needed to get it out.
From: A Queen
You left in August and I completely fell a part. I couldn’t eat for three days–didn’t want to. I sobbed for weeks. I wracked my brain every single day and replayed our last day together in my mind. I’d spend nights on the run with friends and ignored my family. I couldn’t stand to look at pictures of us together, but I didn’t have the strength to delete them. I looked back at our messages and wanted nothing but to go back and relive that time we spent together. I was terrified that I’d forget our memories, so I wept and wrote them down. Most importantly, I feared that you would forget about me. I did everything in my power to ignore the dull ache in my chest. I remembered making fun of heartbroken girls at this young age and thinking "how stupid”, but I had turned into one of them. I changed my wardrobe, I put you in a book, I locked out the people that you didn’t like during our relationship, and I even took the semester off. I couldn’t understand why I was still sad in November when you clearly had moved on. One night I took one of Mom’s desperate attempts to bring the normalcy back in our lives and went on an IHOP run after midnight. I was starting to feel semi-normal again when I overheard a conversation as we were walking towards a booth in front of a group of kids. “That’s Will’s ex. He told me about her. He only dated her because of her boobs. She completely overreacted after and during their break-up”. And then a girl piped up, “she has bigger boobs than me”. I started hysterically laughing. Mom didn’t know what was going on but she started laughing because I was laughing so loudly. After they left I told her what had been said. Later I learned from a new friend I had made while creating a new wardrobe, that you were the boy girls used because they knew who you truly were. A boy that people befriended out of sympathy. One morning I woke up and stared at the beautiful girl before me. On New Year’s Eve I vowed to keep you in 2016 and that’s what I did. Although I am constantly reminded of the Hell I went through last semester while picking up my GPA, I am not affected by you anymore. I hope this message finds you at the most inconvenient time. When your sob stories no longer draw people in and they realize the monster you truly are. I refuse to date at this point of my life because I’m working on my career. I’m brilliant and will succeed, you know it. When I am ready, a very special man will be welcomed into my life. I am golden and I will never settle for anything less ever again.“ #unsentproject
I don't know who Bruno Major is, but I'd be willing to bet good money that he's represented by PRicky
Darren tweeted this last night:
Bruno Major is a British Musician and he is not represented by Ricky. Though conveniently, Ricky did like his IG post earlier in the day yesterday, so take that for what you will.
However, Bruno did co-wrote one of my favorite Darren songs, Words, that there is not a single doubt it my mind was written for Chris, so there is absolutely a connection there:
He is also responsible for posting this little photo from the summer of 2014 that was promptly deleted. After all we would not want to get the wrong idea about Darren and his perceived and way too often talked about straightness (and @mleigh69 did an amazing analysis of this one suggesting that the photographer may be our favorite ninja) (x):
I would assume that he is also connected to Ben with them both having worked with Darren in the past and both of them being in the music biz with roots in England. Also, Bruno did recently have the below interaction with Darren’s girl a few days ago:
So take if for what you will. Seems to be another in a recent series of tweets that are meant to promote artists whom Darren has worked with, is friends with, and/or have helped play the PR games (from both sides).
So I absolutely love the new ed songs but they're just missing something. Something that used to be in the songs I first heard about 4 years ago, like little bird and homeless and one night. I think what those songs have though is kind of a young almost naive voice to them (lyrically) like the lyrics sound like a teenager wrote them and I mean that in the best way possible. I love the new stuff but even the songs on X had a different feel to them. Just feeling a little nostalgic I guess haha
I get that. But I think… what I would say is not that the new songs are missing something, but that they have something which is slightly different.
One of the things that has always been so engaging to me about Ed’s older stuff is his sincerity. I think you’re absolutely right that the words sound like a younger person wrote them, but another thing that makes them sound so fresh is that there’s not a whole lot of production, and everything sounds very… like, natural? (I wanted to say “earthy” there.) Ed as a young singer/songwriter was clearly so talented for his age, and his songs were quirky and packed to the brim with different little thoughts and feelings and stories, and it all felt very true and real and immediate, almost more like having an organic conversation with someone than like listening to a finished song (particularly songs like One Night, which you mentioned). I think that’s something that drew a lot of fans toward his music in the first place.
Ed’s songs are a lot less like that now, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing. He’s much more experienced as a songwriter, and he’s making songs that are a lot more streamlined and polished, and the lyrics don’t seem to be quite as overflowing with separate thoughts. I don’t know if that makes sense… but, okay, let’s take a song like Shape of You. It’s the story of meeting someone, falling for them, and admiring their body. It’s very straightforward, gives sort of a lighthearted narration of how this relationship began, and leaves you with a pleasant feeling about the whole thing. Sing is very much like this as well - just a story about meeting someone and dancing and having a good time with them, and that’s it. You just sort of bop around to it and enjoy it, and then it’s over. Now look at One Night, which is also about meeting someone and being interested in them. It’s so complicated. So much more is revealed about both the narrator and the girl - not just what they go out and do, like in the other songs, but also tiny little details and insecurities and hesitations, all these different things that you really feel on a night like that, not just a simple indication that everyone had a good time and it was fun. That song is packed, while Shape of You and Sing aren’t. But! That doesn’t make it a better song. It’s like the difference between a Snickers bar and a fluffy chocolate mousse. The Snickers has a bunch of different things packed in it and tastes good, but the mousse - even though it’s airy and light - is classier, more professional and commercially appealing, smoother, more mature, and much easier to swallow since you don’t even have to chew. And it still tastes good. Some people would say it tastes better, because instead of having several different types of flavors inside, it is focused on one rich one.
I really think it comes down to experience. You can’t expect Ed - or anyone - to freeze in time and continue to produce the exact same sort of thing over and over without evolving. I dearly love the old songs and the young Ed who wrote them with such thoughtfulness and depth of observation, but I also love his newer stuff, which is not only more accessible to a wider audience but also more focused and organized, with lyrics all working toward a single theme rather than scattered thoughts, and subject matter that is often still deeper than what his contemporaries are putting out, and phrases that retain some of his quirkiness. I think it’s easy to see that his art is still fully Ed but has matured as he’s gotten older – and this is the most desirable outcome for an artist, to stay true but become more and more skillful. His music will likely get even better! And as a fan, that’s such an exciting thought for me.
And here’s something to remember: the old songs will always be there. We love them, and they are certainly worthy of that for a variety of reasons, but there’s no need to feel nostalgic about them because you can listen literally any time you want to. It’s not like you’ll never hear them again, you know? But what we’re getting now is also special and good for other reasons and should be judged against itself and not against what came before. Like, when you get chocolate mousse at a restaurant, are you going to enjoy it, or are you going to stir it around listlessly and wish you’d brought your Snickers from home instead? Your Snickers is waiting for you when you get back. So for now, eat the mousse. It’s really tasty. :D
Do your family members ever read your fanfics, or do you keep that part of your internet life totally separate from real life? Just curious.
My husband has read a few and liked them (and also is a staunch cheerleader at my attempts at art), but my daughter would probably just roll her eyes and sigh if I sent her a link, so I don’t (maybe if I wrote Vampire Diaries fic…). My sister *might* have read a few (she’s a big Marvel geek but doesn’t do online fandom). My parents are both gone now, and my very religious and judgmental in-laws are the reason I do everything fannish under a pseudonym!
They wrote They Don't Know About Us. And Perfect. And Strong. And Happily. And Fireproof. And Home. And If I Could Fly. And even if these are songs they wrote separately, they wrote them together because they talk about their love. And I need to cry forever. Bye.
they all fit together like puzzles pieces so the ones that were written separately found their other half eventually
;; In all seriousness though, I’ve always been too nervous to really do any smut threads on tumblr even though I love writing them. In the past I got messages about how Robin was a slut and how I was out of character with her- and even now I get those now and again. Mostly I just do it on Skype, because I care too much about what people think of my Robin and my blog, hence why I wrote that first post (before all this ridiculous shit happened my god i was snorting so bad). So to see that I haven’t lost a follower yet despite the shenanigans and how you all seem to be so supportive really sets my mind at ease quite a bit. So thanks for that.
D&D is weird. I don’t mean as a concept, or even so much as a system - from what little I recall of earlier editions, 5e streamlines things quite nicely. Just I kind of want to find whoever wrote and edited this fucking Player’s Handbook and beat them half to death with oranges until they learn how to write accessible material.
One of the first things you have to keep in mind when you are writing a game supplement is that for every prospective player who will read every tiny shred of material, retain everything, ask for clarification with the GM about whether or not there are house rules for X or Y section, there are at least two more whose immediate reaction is to skim the material for things that interest them as players and go from there. That informs the structure of a sourcebook, right there. If you want players to understand shit, make damn sure you put the explanations for things in the sections that people are actually going to read.
Following on from that, sidebars are key. One of the huge problems that I encountered - not just from players but on my own bat - is that the layout of the sidebars containing class stats does not lend well to reinforcing that when they say ‘Skill’ in that list, they mean ‘Skill Proficiency‘. You figure it out eventually, but hell, I only figured it out because I’m like 16 episodes into Critical Role now so I know what people can and cannot roll. In their shoes, I’d have entitled the whole segment ‘Modifiers’ instead of ‘Proficiencies’, and instead of just having ‘Weapon’, ‘Armour’, ‘Skill’ etc, I’d have sprung for the extra words on paper and laid it out like this:
And so on. Reinforcing the word ‘Proficiency’ will get you used to using it, and using Modifiers as a chart title reminds you of what ‘Proficiency’ means in the context - that these things listed below are not the only things you can use; just the things you are most proficient at using.
It was like the example I used with @galleywinter - and which she added to in a way that perfectly illustrated my point, by the way; she might not be great at swinging a warhammer herself, but if you gave her a softball bat, she’d be better because she used to play softball and is used to the balance and the best way to swing the thing. The other example is Rey in The Force Awakens; her proficiency is with the quarterstaff, but she can use a lightsaber … if not particularly gracefully because her stance defaults to quarterstaff. Hell, even Finn can swing a saber … just he’s at disadvantage because he largely used ranged weapons prior to Maz shoving a saber hilt in his face.
Translation: you may not choose to take an action that would oblige you to roll something in which you not proficient. That does not mean I am not going to occasionally make you do it anyway. You can do things you’re not proficient in. You just don’t have as good a chance of doing them well as someone who’s proficient. The book states this, sort of, but it doesn’t reinforce it as well as it could. It lacks for concrete examples.
There are a few reasons why I tend to work very hands-on with players doing their character sheets. This is one of them; the book’s a bit vague unless you’re very familiar with the terminology, and even then … well, there’ve been so many changes between this and previous editions that even D&D veterans may have an issue with the streamlining in 5e because it’s not particularly well explained. Also, there’s the whole thing about house rules; sometimes a DM won’t even see the need for those until something comes up in character gen that goes, “Oh, hey, maybe this needs balancing for fairness to the whole group”. And then there’s finding and reinforcing the hooks that will bind the party, but that’s a whole other thing. Point is that the DM is god in this situation, and the PHB is a bit like the Bible - that is, written by people who are not god and whose words are subject to interpretation that will come out differently with every person that reads it so you can only ever be sure that you are operating by the Word of God if said God comes down from on high and tells you so.
I’m thinking that the best way of going about this is to do a sort of “Critical Tumbl 101″ post, or series of posts, here. Who we are, what we’re doing, what sorts of rules adjustments we’re using, some notes on the game world, that kind of thing.
…Of course, I’m also going to be recording games for future reference and, with the agreement of the rest of the party, we might consider posting them Critical Role style, possibly. But a lot’s going to depend on the players for that one because I wouldn’t want anyone to be uncomfortable on ‘camera’. I’ll still record, mind, but only because I want an easy reference point to what went on in previous games, and won’t make it public unless everyone agrees.
So, got my first negative comment on one of my stories this morning. Judging by where the comment was left, he (and the name was male) hadn’t read very far. I think I’m more amused than anything since the comment definitely had echoes of “you wrote a woman character that behaves too much like a man and wasn’t written for men and you know, the story shouldn’t be about her problems.” Because, apparently, it’s annoying to men that women dare have issues, or at least admit them.
On the other hand, it may be motivating me to get over my writer’s block and get on with the rest of the story…
how'd you come out to your parents? i'm thinking about doing it soon😧
I wrote them this whole letter so I didn’t have to say it in person and then one day when my mom and I were talking I felt like it was a good moment and just told her instead of ever giving them the letter. Good luck!!
I’ve been thinking about how odd it was that Eleanor only wrote to find Chidi. Why not the others too? Was it time? Did she think only Chidi would believe her the next time? I would think it would be better to get them all together again. I also found it interesting that she volunteered herself and Chidi to go to the Bad Place. What if she was wrong? She didn’t know for sure that her guess was correct.
Even though she annouced that she was into Tahani, it makes me hope that she and Chidi are endgame.
I went to a notepad site I haven’t used in like a year to write something and found that it had autosaved something I wrote:
“I’ve been panicked and distressed in regards to the idea of never having a girlfriend/wife. I love women so much, they make me feel safe, I despise men for the most part. I don’t trust them. I don’t know what to do. I guess calling myself bi would/should be enough, but for some reason thinking about that upsets me. When I think about if me and my partner ever broke up, I’d never want to be with a man again. I think I’m a lesbian and I’m scared and I don’t know what to do. I’ve been up crying for the past hour and I needed to get this off my chest.”
I can’t stop writing for you, I keep writing these for you in the hopes that maybe you’ll read one and it will reignite the flame of love inside of you. I keep writing these and sending them around to our friends asking for there opinion but when i send them i really want to say can you make sure she gets this, can you make sure she hears this and please make sure she knows it’s from me and that i wrote it for her. I try to write about other things or for other people but i can only get a couple lines in until i have to stop because a single thought of you has inspired a million different writings for you. No matter how drunk i get or how hard i cry my fingers still manage to find the keys so that i can belt out my longing for you Because my feelings never died nor faltered for you if anything they grew in strength because you made me feel like i could fly. There is fire on every nerve when my mind finds its way to you. Words can never claim these feelings bursting from every neuron in my brain.i need you to know that everything leads me to you. When I see someone with the color of your hair, my mouth can’t help but turn up at the sides at the thought of it brushing my face when our lips touched. When I hear a stranger laugh in passing, my thoughts wander to all the times you’ve made me laugh, in a barreling, gut heavy sound that I couldn’t stop. Everything is you. I hope you read this. Please read this. I can’t stop writing for you
exo aren't the first group to have lightsticks that change colour though?? vixx, winner, twice, lmao even coldplay (credit to twitter I had no idea coldplay had light sticks) have light sticks that change colour. exo didn't invent this.
yesterday i posted the pictures of the new bts lightsticks compared to exo’s because someone that couldn’t find them asked about them: it’s in the caption.
i have never, in any moment, said bts’ lightsticks are a copy of exo’s, or that exo’s lightsticks are an original idea that has copyright or some nonsense alike.
fans have the right to compare, of course. but i haven’t, so please leave me alone. i know you guys love discourses but it’s literally 8am and i am not in the mood for a fight over shiny things.
also, in my askbox i clearly wrote “inquiries only, please”. and this is a rant. have some respect for my boundaries. thanks.
If they do go through with a Bonenzo wedding in the finale how do you think they'll try to do it in the final hour?
I honestly think it would be in a montage of the future. Elena writing in her diary about happy moments, where we see BE playing with their son/daughter, maybe a pregnant Bonnie…something like that. They’re putting so much focus into a wedding the episode immediately before the finale, if we did see the BE wedding it would be nothing more than a kiss at the altar or them exiting the church while rice is thrown in the air.
I sound like I co-wrote the script or something. Obviously I’ve lowered my expectations to nothing more than a brief flashback and sound kinda bitter about it. I’m just being realistic while also being hopeful for something more.
things you should definitely 100% not think about when you think about philip shea (except do because philip shea is perfect and you should always think about him)
first of all, don’t think about how Philip was literally almost shot and actually did literally beg for his life for a moment and allowed himself to be
scared about that for approximately .5 seconds before sucking it up and
remaining seemingly calm for pretty much the rest of the show (except for when he realized tommy and tracey were in danger. because philip shea cares about other people. but once they are gone, he accepts it quickly and moves on. that is philips’ like number one skill. accept and move on. don’t think about why that is).
think about how he somehow got to the city in the middle of the night and then
didn’t even risk going inside. Don’t think about how he just curled up on the
couch outdoors as if this was a common, acceptable place for him to sleep and
passed out, alone, after almost being killed.
- Don’t think about how he goes from saying “I’m done. can’t go back, can’t go back there” to accepting he can’t live with him mom again in approximately ten seconds. He doesn’t argue too much about it. Doesn’t beg or plead or threaten to run away. Just says “I know” and gives his mom cigarettes and then sits and comes out to her because she wants to hear nice things about him and to him, lukas liking him back enough to kiss him is a nice thing.
think about how when given the opportunity, Philip will sit next to a man who
has almost definitely abused him and just do nothing but pretend the guy likes
think about his honest confusion when he asks “Why not” after Lukas says he
didn’t have sex with Rose.
think about how Philip is so calm and willing to do or be whatever the person
he loves (read: his mom and Lukas) needs him to be. I mean, yes, he tells Lukas
no that one time and calls him on his shit other times, but really, overall,
the kid is willing to put himself on the line for those he cares about: “Had to
be cool for my mom—I can be cool for you to.” “What do you want me to say? I’ll
say whatever you want.” Ugh, he just—he tells Lukas not to drink the hand
sanitizer but then three seconds later he does the same thing, no questions
asked, because Lukas tells him to. Don’t even get me started on the whole Rose debacle.
- Lukas freaks out when Philip hands him a condom, Philip minimizes it and says “It’s okay. it’s okay, it’s fine” coaxes him back down and no more pressure to do anything. Philip
tells Lukas he told his mom about them, Lukas says “There’s nothing to say” and
Philip just nods quickly, “Okay.” Doesn’t argue. Doesn’t call Lukas on
anything. Just says okay and then offers to take Lukas into the city cause he
thinks that will help him.
won’t get Lukas drugs, but he will help Lukas look for things to sell when he
asks and go with him to the pawn shop and wait outside while he does it.
like, I’m not saying this to say Philip is a pushover or weak, he’s not- he’s
just contained. All the time. He is
the stable one. The calm one. He is careful not to push too much. He thinks of
solutions and waits to see if they will actually be listened to but is very, very cautious with actually being assertive with his ideas/wants/needs. He is just so much more attuned to everyone else.
- Oh, ALSO,
don’t think too much about how Philip overheard Gabe and Helen arguing about
him and chose to step out and put himself in that line of fire anyway. He could
have just hung back and waited a little. Or, fuck, run off until things cooled down. But Gabe was being yelled at and they
were arguing and so he decided to step in. Cause Philip wants to keep everyone
THIS IS AN IMPORTANT POST CONCERNING THE MOVIE “LOVE ON ICE”
GUYS. This is a long post, but please read it if you are in the yoi fandom!
Anyway, a lot of us heard about the movie “Love on Ice” made by the Hallmark Channel, and noticed the ressemblance with “Yuri On Ice”
If you haven’t seen my post about it, a few days ago, I wrote to Hallmark on their facebook page about it (I was really salty when I wrote it so..)
This is the message I sent them:
Hello! If you’re not aware, there has been some controversy about a new movie you’re going to air on your channel soon. Im not trying to start anything here, but here’s a question I think a lot of people are asking themselves right now.
Can any of you guys explain the really supspicious ressemblance between your new movie “Love On Ice” and the japanese animated series “Yuri On Ice” (who was released before)? Im not necesserely saying that you (or the producers of said movie) copied this amazing show (and of course changing the beautiful gay romance for a straight one, but that’s not surprising), but if you did a little research, you have to admit that it’s weird. It could be a total coincidence, and im not trying to be rude, im just looking for answers about the situation. Thank you for your time.
They later answered by telling me that “They would pass along my comments”
Finally, today, they wrote to me again:
Hello again, (my name). I wanted to share with you a statement from the writer of “Love on Ice”:
“Love on Ice script was conceptualized, pitched and commissioned in March of 2015 and written and delivered in March of 2016 – 8 months before the anime project. Many sports films in history are about overcoming odds and triumph. Almost every romance film is about people connecting on an intimate level and falling in love. These are broad, universal themes none of us has a trademark on. I hope the audience will tune in to Love On Ice on Hallmark Channel, Saturday, January 7.” Writer, Matt Coppola
Yes, at first I was mad at them, but I don’t think that they deserve it anymore. They took the time to answer my questions and were polite about it. We need to acknowledge that this movie was just a coincidence. Yuri On Ice fandom, I think it’s time to stop the shit that we started. Thanks for reading.
For people wondering how to take action post-election of a racist demagogue (pulled from Twitter and cleaned up):
Make a spreadsheet or a file for your representatives with names, addresses to their offices, phone numbers, and contact forms. Put everyone there. Make a note in your calendar app to check in on issues once a month.
Pay attention to news. If you get angry, upset, or worried, seek support from friends but ALSO shoot these reps an email, too. Be courteous but firm and blunt. It’s a numbers game. Often we remain invisible because we don’t go to events and rallies and can’t be physically present. But we can attach our names to emails, we can write letters, we can be vocal. We don’t have to be invisible.
You can do this with your national reps, state reps, and local reps. If someone reps you anywhere, note them. Open a line and revisit it. It’s hard work and slow. One email at a time. One letter at a time. One call at a time. Emails are easy these days, so splurge every few months on a stamp and send a letter if you can. Put your humanity in front of these people. Flout it. Some won’t care, but others will. Change ONE mind and results can cascade.
Rural areas are bubbles full of bigotry and now it’s newly revealed. But we white people who live here have the clout and power! We can speak up when our reps say terrible things, and do terrible things, and vote terrible ways. We can go “I am disappointed in you.” It’s work, but as we’ve seen the last six months, it’s time for us to do that work. If someone goes “who are your reps” you gotta know. If you don’t know and you’re mad about this election, it’s time to create that file and keep it with you and use it.
The time for social media rants only is over. Or, do those, but maybe pull those threads out into a paragraph and send them to your reps. And don’t ONLY email or contact when things go badly. Also reach out when things go right. Even if they voted AGAINST something. Treat them like you would want to be treated if you were wrong or mistaken. But we’ve gotta reach out and let them know we’re here.
Anyway, I know this is hard work. If you need help collecting your reps, give me a ping via DM and I’ll help you get started.