and then i made myself leave

4

Don’t be afraid
I’ve taken my beating
I’ve shared what I’ve made
I’m strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I’ve never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you’re asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside you’ve learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can’t be who you are

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed
And don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside you’ve learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can’t be who you are
I can’t be who you are 

[Song]

In loving memory of Chester Bennington (March 20, 1976 – July 20, 2017)
and to mark Sasuke Uchiha’s birthday today. 
youtube

When you’ve suffered enough
And your spirit is breaking
You’re growing desperate from the fight
Remember you’re loved
And you always will be

rule #1 as an artist that creates, well, art: 🗣never! 🗣throw! 🗣your art away!!!!

as i was moving to a new house, i was throwing away a lot of stuff in my room and i had to hurry and leave and ended up throwing away art i made in middle school that came out really well. seriously, every time i would look at it, i was so proud of myself. i was such a deep child. my eyes would go over it and analyze it like, “damn this is so deep and beautiful and i made it when i was like 11.” i still can’t believe i created something so fucking amazing. it’s been almost 5 years later and my heart still hurts whenever i think about it. the thought of it being utterly destroyed, soggy and nasty in a landfill somewhere. it HURTS. always save your art people. keep it all in one giant folder. you created it and it’s special. and it’s awesome to compare your old work to your new work.
Mental health improvement hurray!!

from about mid march until beginning of July I went through so many destructive behaviours because of, and for, my mental health

I won’t go into too much detail but they involved various levels of self harm and alienation from people that I loved. I don’t think I had ever hated myself more or been so panicky in such a short period of time.

But now that I am home and away from those who have had a negative impact on my health I haven’t tried to hurt myself once. I’ve been much better at taking my meds and knowing when I need time outs to recuperate. I finally have the ability to EAT and SHOWER and LEAVE MY BED!!! I’m finally being kind to myself and I’ve finally got over a person I didn’t think I ever could because the way they made me feel about myself was pure self loathing to the extent I didn’t believe I was allowed to meet new people (I even have a date coming up lmao go me - out of my comfort zone bc I usually just sleep with ppl and never talk to them again - another destructive behaviour alas)

So Ye I’m just so happy and proud of myself. I know it’s my own brain that causes me to be ill but there are definitely certain triggers that I know now to avoid and I definitely will from now on! Obviously my friends and family helped tremendously but at the end of the day, I did it on my own and I didn’t think I would ever feel this level of comfort in myself for a long long time :)

(9/100)

The weather has been really kind lately, so I’ve been able to work outside - which is really nice since coding means a lot of screen time. Today I made myself an iced pomegranate and raspberry tea with a little bit of lemonade. It almost tastes like my favorite Starbucks drink - the passion iced tea lemonade! The past few days have been difficult - quitting two of my summer exams, my boyfriend leaving for his trip with the guys, family drama… BUT I’m so happy to be able to say that I will get a proper vacation this summer - my mom and I are going on an impromptu trip to Boston, and I can’t wait!!!

Today’s takeaway: get some fresh air!

11:57 PM - Peter Parker

request - alright i fuckin love tom holland so please like a smut where you catch peter sneaking in after dark and he tells you about his whole spider thing while you take care of wounds and such, and he’s like super scared your gonna leave him and so you reassure him and take care of him in another way if you catch my drift, this was real long but yeah thank you 

a/n - yes finally i post a smut fic on this blog and tbh it was kind of fun and interesting to write so i hope it isn’t a flop like me but don’t forget to request a peter parker/spider-man fic if you want and follow!

10:46 PM. Nearly 4 hours ever since Peter left me alone in his room. We were doing our Calculus homework with one another until he claimed he got an emergency phone call and ran out the door before I could say anything, taking his backpack with him.

The only thing that kept me company was my textbook and the sound of the falling rain from the outside. May was fast asleep in her room while I was far from that, my heart becoming a mix between anger and fear. I bounced my pencil against the pages of the math book, staring at my calculator as time went by.

I checked my phone again, 10:50 PM. Still no texts, no calls, nothing. I stared at my lockscreen for a few seconds before shutting off my phone and pushing it to the side, growing more frustrated by the minute.

“Dammit Peter.” I muttered, throwing my head back in a fit. I listened to the sound of the raindrops to try to calm me down, but nothing was working at this point.

I huffed and got up from the desk, beginning to pack my things up and call it a night, being more than prepared to give Peter the silent treatment for the next week. Just as I was about to zip my bag up, I heard the locks on the window become undone.

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I was whole when you knocked at my door, i was okay when you stepped into my doorstep. I always thought your attention was the extra special of this life. Your presence made me feel one of a kind, your observant eyes made me conscious but knowing that those eyes are staring me, made me think that i am someone who deserves to be loved. But leaving me behind without any single explanation shattered my heart. You made me question myself, you made me think that i wasn’t enough for you. How dare you knock into my door and leave immediately when i am ready to fall for you.

The problem isn’t that multiplayer titles exist. There are some people out there who absolutely love them. and I couldn’t be happier for those players. I’d also be lying if I said that I didn’t play a few myself.

The problem is that for every multiplayer title that gets made, another singleplayer title isn’t. So when developers who previously catered to the story-driven, singleplayer genre leave to create co-op content, who will be there to fill that hole? What will be left for those who don’t want an online title, when that‘s seemingly all that is being developed? 

Players such as myself, who have always gamed on their own -who enjoy playing on their own- are slowly being alienated. Video games just aren’t for us anymore, and that stings. I’ve been gaming my entire life, and I’ve seen the way things have changed. The games I grew up on had soul and meaning, but they’re slowly dying out.

And I know that most of these multiplayer titles can be played alone. However that still doesn’t make them enjoyable to me. Because to make room for playing with friends, or perhaps as an effect of it, the story will have been gutted, the npcs will be bland and the game will be all too eager to waste your time. They don’t have to tell a story, since they’re counting on you to do that for yourself.

So you’ll have to excuse me if I seem overly upset about all of this. But I don’t see why I should just shut my eyes and open my wallet, to support creators of games I barely recognise and feel left behind by.  

Lily + Sirius
  • Of course, Lily hated Sirius’ guts at first. “He’s James Potter’s best friend, of course he’s awful,” she tells her friends back in first year.
  • She has also heard stories of hows his family is so anti-muggle and she does not like it. But then around Halloween she is out of bed at night because she desperately needs a library book and she also likes to explore the castle (but never gets caught like the Marauders do).
  • She runs into Bellatrix, Malfoy and the other Slytherins and she is terrified but she holds her ground and when they are about to hex her Sirius suddenly shows up from around the corner and hisses something like “Back off Bella!”
  • It takes them a few days to warm up to each other, but eventually they become friends much to James Potter’s chagrin.  “How did you become friends with her, Sirius?” (”Maybe I don’t tease her, James”)
  • But he does all the time, and Lily is constantly coming up ways to tease him back, and their prank wars last for several weeks.
  • Once Lily’s entire collection of books of Charms was found hanging from the Quidditch Goalposts.
  • As a result, Lily hexes him to say “Minerva McGonagall is my muse and love” over and over earning him four months of detention
  • Whenever she raises her hand in class, he high fives her, and when he’s not there the other Marauders do. Yes I believe in this headcanon.
  • They are the biggest Quidditch fans in Hogwarts history. During the matches, Lily and Sirius paint their faces gold and scream themselves hoarse
  • They braided each other’s hair, Sirius being more gifted at it than Lily
  • Lily starting to meddle when she realizes Sirius likes Remus
  • She frequently hatches plans with ‘Potter’, albeit reluctantly, until the day she realizes that she looks forwards to these silly plans to hang out with ‘James’.
  • One day Sirius is very upset about Regulus and Lily comforts him. “I have a sister, too, and we’re not very close. I miss her terribly…”
  • When Sirius has the falling out with the Marauders over the Snape Prank, Lily is his only friends. She realizes what he has done (she knew that Remus was a werewolf since first year) and is angry, but she still sticks with him
  • Lily is head girl, and when Sirius’ uncle Alphard dies, she lets him skive off classes and makes excuses for him
  • After graduation, all the Marauders and Lily rent out a flat together, and it feels like Lily and Sirius replaced each other’s siblings. It feels like family.
  • Which is why it is so heartbreaking when they have to go into hiding and leave the little home they made behind

so lots of people have been asking me my thoughts on laci green’s “red pill” stuff recently. some, in an accusatory way (”why aren’t you a good feminist like laci green?”) and some in a confused way (”help im not sure how to process this”).

i’ve largely avoided commenting on it publicly for personal reasons. i dont like talking about individuals instead of ideas anyway, but there was just some stuff going on for me irl that made me not want to comment on this specifically.

but, at this point, i think laci is doing enough harm that it’s worth publicly saying that i really don’t like what she’s doing or how she’s doing it. i could go into a whole like in-depth thing examining every single point in her two “red pill” videos and analyzing her tweets because there’s a lot to unpack, but honestly that’s not worth my time because it won’t convince anyone of anything. people who want to support her are going to support her, and vice versa for those who don’t. i’ve had my arguments about it already and it’s tired and boring.

as an overarching critique, though, all i will say is that she doesn’t need to 1) throw other feminists under the bus or 2) befriend people who engage in online harassment.

you might not think she’s throwing anyone under the bus, and you might not think the people she’s befriending engage in online harassment – but again, i’m not trying to convince anyone of that. that’s just how i see it.

myself and other feminist creators have gotten a lot of backlash for not being ~open to a dialogue~ like laci, and i don’t think she has done anything to defend us. i think she’s tweeted a couple times that “not every feminist has to debate like me” but then the rest of her rhetoric is full of “i hate how so many feminists refuse to engage in dialogue but don’t worry everyone i’m a good feminist”. and not only does that throw us under the bus but it makes the wildly inaccurate assumption that none of us have ever engaged with any competing ideas which is a beloved anti-feminist talking point but patently false. many of us engage with these ideas, just not in the form of livestreamed debates. we’ve had our arguments, we’ve spent hours arguing over the same points, we’ve wasted our time trying to convince people of things they refuse to accept.

it’s just that she seems more interested in pandering to anti-feminists, complimenting them, and making them feel good than she does protecting the people who are at the receiving end of anti-feminist harassment campaigns.

and when people have said extremely horrible horrible things about me and my friends and tried to make our lives hell for months (or years), it hurts to see a large feminist youtuber like laci defending them and leaving me and other feminist youtubers out to dry.

i personally do not think engaging with anti-feminist ideas is a bad thing. contrary to popular belief, i talk to people with opposing viewpoints all the time (but riley you block people on twitter! yeah, conversations happen off twitter, fucking shocking i know right). but at some point, i’m just repeating myself. the arguments have been had. the points have been made. and i don’t have the money, the time, or the energy to devote 8 hours a day to arguing with anti-feminists. if someone else wants to do that, i think there’s a way to go about it that does not involve befriending anti-feminists or elevating small anti-feminists channels to a larger platform. engaging with the ~other side~ is not inherently bad – discussion and dialogue can be useful – but you have to be careful of the way in which you do it. one aspect of that is the difference between discussing privately and debating publicly. public debates are a spectacle, a show. they’re not conducive to learning or growing or conceding points. they’re conducive to proving you’re right and they’re wrong at all costs and being able to say you “owned” them the next day.

i think laci is approaching this in entirely the wrong way, and it seems to me that she has either fallen for a lot of bullshit anti-feminist talking points or is pretending to in an effort to get closer to them. either way, i think it’s kinda messed up.

anyway, that’s all imma say on the topic. the more we all talk about laci and hype up the little drama she has created, the more she profits from it and is incentivized to continue doing it. im done caring about this show she’s putting on, and i’ll continue doing the intersectional work she has abandoned.

Aries: “And here you are, living despite it all.”

Taurus: “The world gives you so much pain, and here you are; making gold out of it. There is nothing purer than that.”

Gemini: “If you were born with the weakness to fall, you were born with the strength to rise.”

Cancer: “I didn’t leave because I stopped loving you, I left ‘cause the longer I stayed the less I loved myself.”

Leo: “Love is not cruel, we are cruel. Love is not a game, we have made a game out of love.”

Virgo: “You are waiting for someone who is not coming back. Meaning, you are not living your life hoping someone will realize they can’t live theirs without you. But realizations don’t work like that.”

Libra: “I was music but you had your ears cut off.”

Scorpio: “You look at me and cry, “Everything hurts.” I hold you and whisper ‘But everything can heal.‘”

Capricorn: “The day you have everything I hope you remember when you had nothing.”

Aquarius: “Loneliness is a sign you are in desperate need of yourself.”

Pisces: “She is water. Soft enough to offer life, tough enough to wash it away.”

—  the signs as quotes from @rupikaurpoems

As A Woman, Watching ‘Wonder Woman’ Served As A Beautiful Reminder That I Could Probably Kill Someone With A Sword

In the days since I saw Wonder Woman, I’ve had a lot to reflect on. The movie not only smashed box office earning records and featured a female director, but it also showed a powerful representation of a strong, confident female superhero kicking ass on-screen. As a woman, watching Wonder Woman was a transformative experience that I’ll never forget, because it served as a powerful reminder that I could probably kill someone with a sword.

As I left the theater, my eyes were opened to a totally new possibility: I could maybe someday stab and kill a person with a sword if I ever wanted to, and the fact that I was a woman wasn’t going to stop me.

When I saw Wonder Woman in full armor emerging from the trenches on a battlefield and killing Germans with her sword, I knew this movie would be different than any other movie I had seen before. As a woman, seeing a powerful feminine figure command the screen and shove her weapon deep within another human made me think about how swords actually don’t look that hard to use, and I could probably stab or slice someone to death, no problem. With the help of a fully fleshed-out, inspiring female character, I learned something very transformative about myself and my ability to harness the power of the blade that I, somewhere in my life living as a woman, had sadly forgotten. “I could… probably do some damage with a sword?” I thought to myself upon leaving the theater. “I could at least at least hack someone up pretty bad, if not outright kill them. Yeah?”

Yeah!

While Wonder Woman fought and stabbed her way through battle after battle, my eyes filled with tears. It finally hit me: I, a female, could buy a sword and kill someone with it, and that was a choice I could make. If I picked a random person on the street and just sort of swung that thing around, just like the totally kickass Wonder Woman showed me, I could probably hurt them pretty bad, if not murder them outright. These are thoughts I never had while watching a film in recent memory, and a thought that I hope empowers women everywhere.

Yes, I’ve seen men kill with swords in movies all the time, but when I looked in the mirror, I never saw Superman or Batman staring back. Now when I look in the mirror, I see myself, a proud woman holding a samurai sword looking kind of confused about how to hold it but also pretty sure she could figure it out if the urge to kill ever hit her hard enough. I wish I had this movie when I was a kid. If I had known at 10 that I could probably kill someone with a sword, where would I be today? I probably would not have killed anyone, for what it’s worth, but to know I could? That would have been priceless.

For me personally, Wonder Woman was a powerful reminder that I could stab someone with a sword. I spent my entire life not even thinking that this was a possibility, but now, thanks to this movie, I’ll never stop thinking about it. So, as a woman, I encourage every woman to see it and know that you could also probably kill with a sword. All you have to do is believe.

midnight leo confessions

i’m lying here awake and i feel more lonely than ever, the night is always thicker and darker for me, it reminds me of whats threatening. wondering if they will leave. or rather if they will ever come at all. wondering if i will ever be truly good enough for anything or anybody, when they are whispering i’m sure it’s about me, what a failure i will be. i’m scared of failing myself and in that letting down the world. sometimes i’d rather hide than go out there and face those blaring lights, i’ve made and worn more masks than anyone could know, trying to be something or someone other than me, because me just seems so intrusive and unwanted 

“He could’ve changed the light bulbs while he was up there!”

B.ESP commentators Nicky Slater, Simon Reed, and Chris Howarth talk about Boyang’s trousers, helicopter blades, and marmite.

Issues (Smut)

MASTERLIST

Request: Jeep sex and a good bit of fluff.

A/N: This is my first story in like 8392 years and I’m so put of practice so please bare with me because it’s not great. Also shoutout to Emily. You’re the real mvp. Feedback would be great. 

Word count: 4,185

We were sitting in the jeep on the highway from Toronto back to Pickering and though we weren’t even half way yet, the drive seemed longer than usual.
Painfully longer. 

Though it was a rather warm summer day, I felt the chills run down my bare arms the soon as we got into the car. The pesky silence between us was smothering, suffocating really and made my entire body linger in the most uncomfortable way possible. 

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experimental error (pt. 2)

pt. 1

→pairing: taehyung | reader

→genre: best friend au | smut

→word count: 6,002


The next time you saw Taehyung, things were not the same.

Maybe it was just you being weird—god, why did you have to be so awkward?—but every time you made eye contact, even when you were with a group of friends, all you could do was picture the way he had been staring at you, his intense, lust-filled gaze locking with yours as he rocked into your frame, leaning his forehead against yours and never, ever breaking the eye contact that had played a crucial role in sending you over the edge. The memory would hit you all at once, and suddenly you would be unable to look at him again for the rest of the day.

If he was feeling anything even remotely similar to what you were, he definitely didn’t show it. He continued to talk to you as if nothing had happened, laughing and joking like you usually did until eventually you would get annoyed. Why isn’t this affecting you like it’s affecting me?! you wanted to scream, but you knew you couldn’t. After all, you had told him from the very beginning that you wouldn’t make things weird. He was the one who didn’t want to do this, and you convinced him; you couldn’t help but wonder if this was all just one huge, irreversible mistake.

But then you reminded yourself of why you wanted to do this in the first place: you had only had sex twice with two different guys before Taehyung, and both times were completely miserable. You couldn’t figure out how sex was supposed to be fun; you’re just laying there getting a dick shoved into you, no? But then you realized, maybe the problem was you. How was one supposed to be “good at sex”; isn’t it all just the same thing? How is one person better in bed than another? And it was these simple questions that sparked fear into your brain, starting off as a flickering flame and soon growing into a giant forest fire of worry and self-doubt. You needed answers, needed to find out the truth before the next guy you seriously liked came along; you didn’t want to mess up any future relationships by being boring between the sheets.

So that’s what prompted you to keep your mouth shut. That’s what prompted you to swallow whatever doubts you were having about this and go over to Taehyung’s again, knowing exactly what your time together would entail. You were ready for your second lesson.


“Okay, so I bought a few things for us to talk about.”

As soon as you walked into Taehyung’s room he immediately sat you down on the bed and pulled out an array of objects, anywhere from lube to anal beads, and you couldn’t help but burst into laughter.

“What?” Tae frowned, obviously not receiving the reaction he expected.

“What is all of this?” You were still laughing, but when you looked up and realized that he wasn’t smiling, you quickly tried to hide your amusement with stifled grins.

“They’re sex toys!” He whined defensively. “Like look, here’s a dildo, and oh—here’s a cock ring.”

“A cock ring?” You smirked, raising an eyebrow. “You’re gonna wear a cock ring?”

Taehyung looked down at the object before seeming to contemplate it in his mind. “Well, these are more for educational purposes—to show you what’s out there rather than for personal use.” He quickly placed it back down.

You couldn’t help but chuckle. “I already know what’s out there, Tae. I don’t live under a rock.”

“Yeah, well toys are important during sex, so we’re discussing them,” he sighed with a plop on the bed. “Now this is an ovipositor. It deposits little alien eggs–”

“Wait, a what?” You leaned away, staring at the phallic-shaped tube incredulously.

“An ovipositor, pay attention.” He rolled his eyes with a huff. “It deposits these little gelatin eggs inside of you, and it’s meant to replicate the feeling of being impregnated by an alien!”

You stared back at him, shocked into silence, mouth hanging open in pure disbelief. “Tae, what the fuck are you into?!”

“I found it on this forum,” he quickly waved off your question before reaching over to his nightstand. “Here, this is one of the gelatin eggs–”

As soon as he dropped the slick, goopy, yellow ball resembling the shape of an egg in your hand, you immediately screamed and let it fall to the floor.

“Y/N! You’re supposed to keep those clean!”

“What the fuck Tae!” You yelled, wide eyes looking from the alien sex toy to your best friend and then back again. “How does that thing even work?!”

“There’s a hole at both ends,” Taehyung explained as calmly as one would discuss the weather, leaning in so he could show you the blue phallic tube. “See, this is where you insert the eggs one by one, and then that forces them up and out the top!”

You continued staring with a look of disgust on your face. “You’re really sick, you know that?”

“I thought you said you already knew what’s out there!” Tae countered defensively as you got up.

“Not being impregnated by an alien!” You whipped around to look at him again. “Who the fuck has heard of that?!”

He simply shrugged. “Guess you’re not as kinky as you thought.”

You shook your head as you looked down at the forgotten egg on the floor, debating on leaving if your problem was just going to be made fun of like this. “You know, Tae, this isn’t a joke to me. I put myself out there and came to you because I seriously–”

“Oh my god, we’re not using them!” He groaned with a roll of his eyes. “I just got it because I thought it’d be funny to show you! There’s an actual reason for all of this; here, come sit down.”

He was patting the spot next to him that you’d just gotten up from, blinking his eyes innocently and smiling one of the biggest smiles you’d ever seen—one he always used to get what he wanted.

You crossed your arms and shook your head, this time in disbelief that you were actually entertaining one of his antics as you took your spot back on the bed, careful to avoid the alien dick as you did.

“Now, as I was trying to say before I was so rudely interrupted,” Taehyung glared at you, “sex toys are what makes a relationship fun and exciting, and can set apart the wild in bed from the snoozers. The kinkier, the better.” He held up the ovipositor with a wriggle of his brows.

You pressed your palm to your face, silently asking yourself why he was the one out of all your friends who you chose for these lessons.

“These are anal beads.” He held up the long string of black balls on his finger. “They can be used to–”

“No way, nuh uh,” you waved both hands at him, quickly shaking your head. “We’re not doing any butt stuff.”

He seemed surprisingly caught off guard by this. “Are you sure? Anal is a given way to make any sex life better.”

“Yes, Tae, I’m sure. No anal.”

The boy just shrugged before putting them down, this time picking up a small, thin, metallic looking object. “Now this is a Prince’s Wand, and it gets inserted into the male's–”

“Okay, you know what? I think I’m good on sex toys,” you immediately jumped up, lifting the objects in your arms and shoving them back into the drawer of his nightstand. “Why don’t we move onto the next part of the lesson?”

Taehyung looked offended at first before his eyes lit up. “Ooh, okay! The next part is sex positions.”

You nearly resisted the urge to smack yourself on the forehead.


45 minutes and 22 positions later, you were currently laying on the bed, your head and shoulders flat against the mattress while the rest of your body was up in the air, your legs bent so far back that they were touching the pillow behind you.

“I don’t really see how I’m supposed to… move in this position,” you called to Tae who was kneeling in front of you, attempting to move your hips which just made your body rock back and forth like the ball that it was shaped into.

“No, that’s my job,” your friend informed you, grabbing onto the back of your thighs which were pointed right at his face. “I move you up and down with the pace of my thrusts; see, you just roll a little! That’s why it’s called the butter churner.”

You glared up at him as he mimicked the movements. “I don’t see how this could at all be sexually pleasing,” you frowned as you put your legs back down and emerged from your ball. “It just seems like it would hurt my neck.”

“Well maybe, but what’s life without living on the edge a little?” He smirked before nudging you playfully.

You didn’t nudge back. “Do people actually do these sex positions?” You rested your elbow on your knee with a sigh. “The only ones I know of are missionary, doggy style, reverse cowgirl… all these others seem like ones that old people would use if they were scrambling to keep their marriage alive.”

He barked out a laugh before answering your question. “Not really, no. Not unless the sex is so bad that you need to start looking up new positions.”

You chuckled before growing silent. “Sex with me isn’t that bad… right?” You bit your lip and looked up at him with worried eyes.

“No!” Taehyung’s booming laughter filled the room as he hit your arm for good measure. “I’m talking about people who don’t move and basically act like they’re dead. No one wants that… unless necrophilia is your thing.”

“Gross!” You hit his arm back with a laugh, the sounds of amusement fading naturally into silence.

Tae looked at you before holding out his hand. “Come on, enough fooling around. Let’s get to the action, shall we?”

You felt your stomach roll as you took his outstretched hand, not sure of where he was going with this until he suddenly sat up against the bed frame and pulled you on top of him.

“O–oh.” Your eyes went wide at the abrupt action before grabbing onto his shoulders and adjusting your position on his lap, your knees bent on either side of his waist and your back straight so that you were straddling him.

Taehyung didn’t notice your awkward movements, or if he did, he didn’t say anything, because soon his lips were on yours and he was kissing you in a way that had all of the air whooshing from your lungs.

You nearly resisted the urge to push him away—you hadn’t been expecting that, the action still so foreign and unfamiliar to you with your best friend—but it didn’t take long for him to refresh your memory on why you went as far as you did with him last week.

Kissing Tae wasn’t the worst experience, you could say.

You were quick to recover from your initial surprise and started moving your lips back against his, his touch and taste slowly coming back to memory after you’d all but shoved the thoughts from your mind in an effort to suppress them. Though at the moment, you couldn’t begin to remember why—not when he already had your lungs gasping for breath and his hands climbing beneath your shirt.

His fervor was just another thing that came as a surprise to you compared to his timid attitude at the beginning of your last session, though you knew it really shouldn’t have; this was Taehyung you were talking about. He could befriend a total stranger in .25 seconds, much less work up the courage to seduce his best friend.

His enthusiasm did wonders to encourage you, though. Already you could feel your hesitation waning and your hunger growing as you moved your hands from his shoulders up to tangle in the soft locks of his matted hair, already tousled on his head from the extensive workout of sex positions (aka trying to figure out which limb went where) that he just put you through.

A few wandering hands, battling tongues and heavy breaths later, it wasn’t long until you felt them: his bucking hips, which contained the one thing that played an essential role in this arrangement in the first place, and it was pressing between your legs with each motion until you suddenly couldn’t take it any longer.

“If I wanted a lesson on making out, I would’ve just asked Jimin,” you abruptly pulled away to bark in an impatient tone; this was your unconventional way of telling him to hurry up, apparently.

Taehyung’s chest was rising and falling with his heavy breaths, his lips were red from the pressure that he used to kiss you, and his eyebrows were knitting together in confusion at your departure before he was suddenly rolling his eyes.

“God, you sure know how to ruin the mood.”

His words came out as a grumble though you could sense there was no true malice or hard feelings behind them. He quickly tore your shirt over your head which was then accompanied by your bra, and you almost made a remark about the speed at which he was moving but you bit your tongue. You had asked for this, after all.

“Get on your back.” His voice was firm now, more of an order than the playful whine that he would usually speak with, and so you had no other choice but to gulp down your protests and do as he said.

As soon as you were against the mattress and left exposed from the waist up with nothing but your nerves driving you forward, Tae’s fingers were on your zipper. “Do you mind if I take these off?” He grinned, a glint of mischief in his expression as he started undoing the button of your pants without waiting for an answer.

Your breath stayed lodged in your throat as you watched him, unable to make any movement from your spot against the mattress as he eased your legs out of their confinement. It was only with the realization that you had forgotten which pair of underwear you put on today that you lifted your head to look down out of curiosity.

“Oh my god,” you groaned out loud when you saw them, completely mortified as you squeezed your eyes shut and collapsed your head back against the pillow with a sigh of defeat.

“Frozen?” Taehyung stated in disbelief, staring down at your panties before looking up at you with wide eyes. “You have Frozen underwear?”

“I bought them when I was a little kid!” You groaned again, covering up your face with your hands and silently reprimanding yourself. You couldn’t believe today was the day you chose to wear these.

“Um, Frozen didn’t come out that long ago…”

“Shut up!” You shouted in exasperation before sitting up. “You’re ruining the mood!”

Me? You’re the one wearing Frozen underwear!” He shot back while trying to hide the giggles that were threatening to escape his lips.

“Whatever,” you scoffed, ignoring the embarrassment that inflamed your face as you fell back against the bed.

“Jeez, Y/N. Why can’t you just let it go,” Taehyung said, and this time he was unable to hold back as he burst into laughter at his own joke.

You groaned louder to drown him out. “I hate you,” you grumbled, fighting the smile tugging at your lips as you crossed your arms over your chest and stared off into the distance.

“Oh really?” He raised an eyebrow and tilted his head at you cockily.

Oh no. You knew that look.

You quickly sat up and opened your mouth to protest when you suddenly felt a long, slender finger being pressed against the center of your clothed slit.

You instantly fell back against the mattress as a shudder ran straight through you. “Tae!” You scolded, gritting your teeth at him. The little shit.

“What is it, Y/N?” He asked innocently, peering down at you with an unsuspecting smile as he pressed his finger against you harder. “You were saying something?”

“I–” You fought to get your words out, but you couldn’t speak between the heavy breaths of air that escaped you as you felt him start to massage small, tight circles around your clit. “I–”

“You—you what?” He teased, his eyes sparkling with amusement as he watched your writhing frame. “You hate me?” In one swift motion he pushed your panties to the side and swiped his cool finger against your now dripping wet core.

“Ah!” You moaned out, throwing your head back and arching your back as he found direct contact with your exposed clit.

“It sure doesn’t sound like you hate me,” he said, tauntingly swirling within your wetness and dragging mewls of desire from your throat. “It sounds like you like what I’m doing to you. Is that right?”

He kept dancing around your entrance, teasingly starting to dip his finger inside only to quickly pull it away again. You started to shake your head no, if only to withhold the satisfaction from him, but at this point your lust outweighed your pride.

“Please,” you whimpered.

His eyes sparkled even brighter at your plea, instantly shooting forward to hover over your body as his fingers lingered over where you wanted him the most, his face now inches from yours and studying your expressions closely.

“You have to say…” He paused, sticking out his bottom lip and looking up at the ceiling in thought. “Kim Taehyung is better than me at everything.”

“What?” You cried out before harshly jerking away from him. “No!”

“Oh? Is that so?” He raised both his eyebrows, peering down at you innocently as his fingers suddenly tore through your walls and entered inside of you.

Your mouth fell open into a frozen gasp, rendered completely speechless as he hooked his index finger before dragging it back out. A deep shudder ran through you as you watched him bring the finger up to his mouth before sucking it clean of your juices.

“You taste so good,” he marveled, eyeing you under heavy lids as he licked a stripe up his finger one more time with his enticingly pink tongue. “It would be a shame for it to go to waste.”

You were panting heavily now, but this time it was solely from the intoxicatingly lustful gaze he was giving you. “Tae, pl–”

“Ah ah,” he interrupted, shaking his head at you with a grin. “You know the magic words.”

You swear to god when this is over, you’re going to kill him.

“Kim Taehyung is better than me at everything!” You cried out desperately, and then the air was whooshing from your lungs as you felt his finger finally enter you again. “Oh my god,” you moaned in pleasure, gaping at the pure ecstasy that took over your body.

Taehyung watched you closely, his mouth in an open-smile and his eyes drinking up every single one of your reactions. It was only when you felt him pull away did you open your mouth to bark out a protest, but to your delight, you realized that he was just properly removing your Frozen underwear (which thankfully was not brought up to ruin the mood again) before returning to pleasuring you.

“More Tae,” you whimpered, completely tossing your pride aside as you all but begged for him. He was definitely going to give you shit for this later. “I need more.”

“Oh?” Taehyung simply cocked his head before obeying your words and inserting a second finger through your walls. “Already ready to be stretched out for my huge cock, huh?”

“God, would it kill you to not be a cocky prick for two seconds?” You couldn’t help but snap.

“With the way you’re moaning my name like that, yes, it really would.” There was a dark chuckle that escaped his lips as he said this, and it took everything in you not to rip his fingers out of you and shove them up his own ass. You might’ve, too, if it hadn’t been for the immense pleasure that was coursing through your veins and clouding your senses right now.

“I–I don’t s–see what your fucking problem i–is,” you barely managed to get out through the constant pumping of his digits.

“Why can’t you just stop being mean to me and enjoy the pleasure?” He groaned out. “God, it’s almost like you don’t want to feel good.”

You scoffed and opened your mouth to berate him some more, but suddenly he was inserting a third finger through your walls and all logical thought was instantaneously wiped from your mind.

“Oh fuck Tae!” You cried out, head thrown back and back arched as you basked in the onslaught of the sudden overwhelming pleasure he was inflicting on you. “Fuck, too much, too much!”

“Too much?” He repeated in confusion before pulling his fingers out and staring at the width of the three of them put together. “But my dick is way bigger than this!”

And?” You screeched. “We had sex one time, it’s not like my vagina is going to magically morph to your size!”

“The vagina is a muscle that contracts and forms around what’s inserted inside of it!”

You couldn’t believe your ears. “Where’s that damn cock ring?!

“Okay, okay, no need to be rash,” Taehyung was quick to calm you down, the fear evident in his eyes as he raised his hands in a settling manner. “Just… come here. Are you ready to fuck? We can fuck now. You can be on top if you want since I was last time.”

Your friend’s sudden cooperative attitude had your nerves calming a bit. There was even a hint of a smile on your face as you raised to your knees, able to feel the wetness sliding between your slick folds as you waited for Taehyung to take your spot on the bed so that you could climb on top.

“This is good variety,” he commented idly while you were busy straddling him. “Should we try one of the positions we tested earlier?”

The frightening memories of sex positions ranging anywhere from “downward dog” to “king cobra” flashed through your mind—images that you were sure were going to haunt your dreams for weeks. “No, that’s okay,” you quickly reassured him. “Let’s just stick to conventional methods for now since they’re the most common ones that I’ll most likely be doing with other guys.”

Taehyung stalled at your words for a moment before seeming to snap back into it and steadying your hips with his hands. “Do you got it?” He asked as you fiddled with his member outside your entrance. “Fuck I’m so hard right now… I can’t wait to be inside you.”

You suppressed the shiver that ran down your spine at his words and forced yourself from not jumping him right then and there. “Wait! Did you get condoms this time while you were out purchasing your weird sex toys?”

Taehyung’s lips formed into a small ‘o’ before he was sitting up and leaning over to the top drawer of his nightstand.

You shuttered when you caught a glimpse of the ominous ovipositor peeking out at you. “Seriously, how much did you even pay for that thing?” You were scoffing before you could keep your mouth shut. “Did you really get it just to show to me, or do you have plans of actually using it one day?”

Your friend only glanced back at you with a wriggle of his eyebrows and a creepy smirk on his lips. “Why, do you want to try it out?”

“No!” You nearly screeched.

“Hey, don’t knock it ‘til you try it,” he put his hands up in mock defense and shrugged. “You know, you’re coming off as a real kink shamer right now, Y/N.”

“Because I don’t want to have alien eggs deposited into my vagina?!”

Tae simply shrugged again before shutting the drawer—thankfully without the ovipositor—and ripping open the small condom packet. “Here, put it on for me would ya?”

You were too impatient to argue as you quickly snatched the rubber from his hands, not wasting any time in coaxing it on with your fingers before proceeding to slowly lower yourself onto his dick, knowing that the foreplay already left you with more than enough wetness to take him with ease.

“Fuck,” you cried out in a long, drawn out voice as a spike of pain shot throughout your lower region. “Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.”

“Are you okay?” You heard Taehyung ask, and if it wasn’t for the surprise that filled you when something cocky wasn’t the first thing that flew from his lips after your reaction, then you wouldn’t have opened your eyes to see him staring up at you in concern, almost all traces of pleasure erased from his features as he put your wellbeing first.

Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you inhaled sharply through your nose before exhaling a deep breath. “It just… took me by surprise is all.”

“Sorry–”

Caring and apologetic? Who was this new Taehyung?

“–I can’t help that my dick is so huge.”

And there he was.

You chose to ignore his arrogance by shooting him a glare before going back to closing your eyes, your head tilted back and bottom lip caught between your teeth as you slowly started to sink lower on his length. The effects were almost immediate; once you sat down on his hips with him buried to the hilt, both of you let out a simultaneous groan.

“God you feel so good,” Tae moaned, unable to stop himself from giving a small buck of his hips up into your heat. “How is it that neither guy liked having sex with you before?”

“I didn’t say they didn’t like having sex with me!” You scoffed in disbelief while experimentally swiveling your hips, suddenly fearful that he misinterpreted your whole purpose for asking this arrangement of him in the first place. “I said the sex wasn’t good for me! I just wanted to make sure I’m not the problem!”

“I can tell you right now, you’re fucking not the problem,” Taehyung let out a small, dark chuckle of disbelief as he tightened his grip and rutted his hips up a bit harder into yours, the action causing you to gain extra height as you bounced on his dick.

“Shit, Tae,” you didn’t even have time to question his words as you were suddenly doubling over in pleasure, the upper half of your body bending at the waist and collapsing onto his chest as you let his thrusting hips take over and send your body to the seventh heaven; if you weren’t religious before, you definitely were now. “Shit, right there, don’t stop!”

Taehyung grunted as he followed your commands, each snap of his hips causing his dick to hit a spot deep inside of you that felt so glorious, so deliciously sweet, that you found yourself screaming out his name like a mantra on repeat. You were enjoying sex more than you ever had in your entire life—which albeit wasn’t saying much, but hell, it was still something.

“I love hearing you,” he groaned with a devilish grin at the sheer audacity of the pleasure that was overpowering him. “Do you like it when I fuck your tight little pussy? Answer me, Y/N.”

Yes, yes I fucking love it,” you cried back as you clung to his chest for dear life, scratches and bite marks sure to be left on his skin from where you tried to hold yourself together, if only for your sheer sanity. “God Tae, don’t stop, it feels so fucking good!”

“Good–ah!–good girl.” His praise was interrupted by an involuntary clench of your walls, one that usually happened when you were either close to cumming or trying to coax them to their climax so it could be over with as soon as possible; this time, it just so happened to be the former.

“Taehyung… I’m…” you were barely able to get the words out between the heavy breaths that labored your chest and moans that spilled from your lips.

“Are you gonna cum for me?” His tone was rhetorical, almost patronizing, though you couldn’t find it in yourself to give a damn, what with the way the sweat was plastered to your forehead and your knees shook every time you tried to lift your hips up and bounce on his cock.

So all you could do was meekly nod, your face buried in his neck and your fingernails digging into his caramel skin while your best friend completely obliterated what was left of your sanity and your pussy.

“Oh my god, Taehyung–!” There was a flash of electrifying white light until there was suddenly nothing at all, your vision going momentarily blind as your earth shattering orgasm took over your body and sky rocketed your soul into a different dimension that not even you could comprehend. It took a few moments to realize that his thumb was on your clit, still vibrating away while you rode out the aftereffects of your euphoric high.

“Holy shit you’re tightening around me so fucking much.” Taehyung was a mess of mewls and moans that finally registered through your ears when you came back to reality. “I’m not gonna be able to last much longer.”

“Then let go.” You were panting, almost exhausted at this point from the whirlwind of bliss that your body just put you through, though that didn’t stop you from gritting your teeth and pressing your hands against his chest while you bounced your hips up and down on his length, each slap of your ass against his skin filling the room with lewd noises that you’re sure it never expected to hear coming from the two best friends that had spent years upon years of their childhood playing within its walls.

“Cum for me, Tae.”

That was all it took; one breathy command of your voice, and he was instantly melting like putty beneath your body.

Gasps of ah! and Y/N! tumbled from his lips like a never ending waterfall of ecstasy, each one shooting straight into your core as you felt his dick pulsate within you. There were sudden pauses from hot cum spilling into the covering of the condom that caused his hips to stutter, movement ceasing from every bone in his body before he was suddenly coming back to reality and gently pulling out of you.

“Holy shit, that was good.” Taehyung was rolling onto his back with a laugh and tugging the rubber off. “Next time I wanna try out the vibrator I bought. Oh, and one of the sex positions!”

You were gaping like a fish out of water as you scrambled to keep up with his words, not even having a second to process things before he was already talking about your next session. “O–oh, okay.” You were nodding your head and sitting up as well to grab your clothes. “So was I good, then? Any pointers?”

“You were fucking amazing–” Taehyung cut himself off as he realized what he was saying before his entire demeanor changed, a scoff that was obviously a facade falling from his lips as he nonchalantly shrugged. “I mean, you were alright, I guess. We’re definitely gonna have to practice again though to fix some more things.”

You rolled your eyes with a laugh as you playfully swatted him before pulling on your underwear and bra. “Where’s my shorts?” You blurted out in amusement once you realized that he must’ve chucked it somewhere in the midst of your heated exchange.

After a few minutes of both of you searching the bedroom high and low, Tae finally found it abandoned beneath the skirt of the bed. “Sorry,” he chuckled as he held his own tshirt in his hands. “I’ll try to remember to throw it somewhere easily accessible next time.”

The sound of his laughter was bright and jubilant as the warm glow of the sunlight that was streaming in from the window behind him illuminated his skin, framing the outline of his body like a halo and shadowing the facial structure of his handsome–

Whoa. Handsome?

You had never called Taehyung handsome before. You always knew that he was, in an objective sort of way—but you had never viewed him like that personally.

And you still didn’t.

You quickly shook away your thoughts before refocusing back on your best friend. “Thank you. I don’t want to have to end up leaving here wearing your clothes. Nothing screams I just had sex more than that.”

“What, are you embarrassed of me?” He raised his eyebrow accusingly as if daring you to say yes, and though his actions were light and playful, you still couldn’t help but frown at this.

“Wait… you aren’t telling people about our arrangement, are you?”

“Not yet,” Taehyung answered. “I was gonna tell some of the guys but–”

“Please don’t.” You we’re blurting out before you could stop yourself. “The last thing I want is for people to find out I had to come to my best friend for sex advice. Especially Jimin. Can we just… keep this to ourselves?”

There was a pause while he frowned. “Why Jimin?” He asked with a tilt of his head in confusion.

You almost tutted in disbelief. “Tae, you know that I like Jimin. Why are you acting like this is new news?”

You friend blinked at you as he processed this information. “Why didn’t you just go to him for sex advice, then?”

“And have him never speak to me again because I’m terrible in bed and ruined our friendship? No thanks!”

“Oh, so you were okay with potentially ruining ours, then.” His words were more of a statement than a question as he crossed his arms and glared at you.

“What? No, I knew something like this wouldn’t ruin ours because you’re my best fucking friend, Tae.” Your expression softened as you took a step closer to him and held out your pinky finger. “Since we were five years old for life.”

The was a moment of silence as tension hung in the room while you waited for him to accept your gesture of friendship, though it wasn’t long before a tut fell from his lips and rang through the air. “Five years old for life,” he repeated, and then he was hooking his finger around yours and interlocking your pinkys, savoring this moment between you that embodied nothing but the strength of your bond and purity of your friendship.

“That has to be the weirdest thing I’ve ever said after sex,” he commented idly while the two of you continued getting dressed, and you couldn’t help but burst into laughter.

Maybe your deal with Taehyung wasn’t going to turn out to be such a mistake after all.

Spread Your Legs For Me C.H

Originally posted by bri3395

warning: smut

word count: 1400+

summary: Calum fingers you while driving

requested?: yes, hope you liked it anon :)) I hope you guys are ready because we have a week full of smut coming out, tomorrow, wednesday and hopefully thursday so get ready. 

this turned out a bit eh but i think it’s alright, also IM OPENING REQUESTS AGAIN YAY

so now song requests and full requests, fluff or smut are open again so go nuts on anon or not on anon, whichever you prefer :))

- Find my Masterlist here -

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Leave This Town Pt 1 (Mechanic!Bucky AU)

Characters: reader, Bucky, reader’s mother, Maria (mentioned)

Summary: Your dreams of kissing your small town life goodbye are about to come true when an unexpected detour leaves you stranded. Meeting the handsome local mechanic has you rethinking your plans. Perhaps happiness is less about where you’re headed and more about the people you meet along the way.

Song Inspiration: Sleep on the Floor by The Lumineers

Warnings: none!

Word Count: 2.2k

A/N: I’m so excited about this series, you guys. I’ve been daydreaming about this story for months and every time I hear the song that inspired it I still get butterflies. I started this part 6 months ago and finished it, but I wasn’t ready to let it out into the world. But when @bionic-buckyb mentioned her 5k AU Writing Challenge and “mechanic” was one of the prompts, I knew it was meant to be. This story is close to my heart. I really hope you like it. Any feedback is appreciated. <3

Part One   Part Two>>> 

Leave This Town Series Masterlist

Full Masterlist

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Originally posted by lifegoesonasusual

Pack yourself a toothbrush dear
Pack yourself a favorite blouse.
Take a withdrawal slip
Take all of your savings out.

Cause if we don’t leave this town,
We might never make it out
I was not born to drown.
Baby, come on.

Those first few hours of freedom were absolute bliss! Flying down the highway with the windows down, music blasting as you sang at the top of your lungs. It was everything you had dreamed of. You did it. You were out. You had quit your job, cashed out your life savings, bought a cheap but reliable car, and hit the road without looking back.

All was going according to plan. That is, until 4 hours later your car started to smoke and sputter, compelling you to pull to the side of the road for fear of dying in a ball of fire. There wasn’t anything you could do at the moment, what with it being 2am at the time. Thankfully, it was the middle of summer so sleeping in your car wasn’t too uncomfortable, at least at night.  

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