and then i drowned in my own tears

I wasn’t looking of anything when I met you. If anything I was over the thought of falling for someone. I had finally gotten over someone and the thought of being flooded with emotions each day again was exhausting.

But we practically stumbled on top of one another. Our paths could have crossed, but instead they collided. And the night we met was like coming up for air after drowning in my own tears. You made me laugh, and you told me stories about your life and for that night I was just happy to be me. It was an odd feeling, to be so happy and free.

Things didn’t work out, and maybe it was for the best. This way you can always be the guy that never hurt me, the one that let me listen and laugh for a night. And I am grateful for you and the part you played in realising I deserved better than those I had met before you.

—  To the one that came out of no where, but was exactly what I needed.

2017 has to be better, has to be less sharp. 

2017 holds endless possibilities, and maybe it is our duty to be open to them rather than fearful of them. Maybe we have to make 2017 better. 

I don't know how to go from drowning in my own tears in 2016 to at least surfacing in 2017 to finally breathe fresh air again.

My hope for you in 2017 is you find good people, that people love and cherish you the way you haven’t been shown how yet. I hope that you become fearless in being yourself, I hope that you master being unapologetically you. 

I hope that you are kind to yourself, that you know that change doesn’t happen in a day, but if you work hard on change, one day you will wake up and see how far your baby steps have taken you.

Promise me that in 2017 you won’t sacrifice yourself for those that weigh you down, for those that put you down and the ones that make you feel less than them.

Finally, don’t be afraid to be alone in 2017. You can be alone, but you don’t have to be lonely. Love yourself unconditionally, surround yourself with good people and enjoy your own company. Don’t change to fit into someone else’s dream, be the centre of your own story.

—  Have a happy and safe New Year, I’ll see you on the other side.
8

“..Because I was never gonna be away from him again. I’m pregnant. He didn’t want me to go out there and I said yes and if I would have gone, if I was with him, maybe I could have helped him. I don’t know if he’s alive. He would have shown me by now, that’s what Michonne said. I just want to see his face. I can’t. I don’t get to know what will happen, I don’t get to know why it happened, what I did right or wrong. Not now. I have to live with that. you do, too.”

Some time ago I made a post about how Aristotle and Dante has ruined me. But you know what? I lied. I fucking lied. You haven’t experienced true pain if you haven’t read The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller. I am fucking serious this time. This book is fucking torture worse than a century in the fucking underworld. I am choking and drowning in a sea of my own fucking tears. I never even knew I could get so emotional over fucking Greek mythology. When I die, bury my ashes with this fucking book.
If you haven’t read it yet, please, do yourself a favour and go do it.

2:38 AM

This is one of the worst nights in my life. My eyes are filled with tears as I can’t seem to get air. My vision is blurred as I’m drowning in my own duvet. Hatred and self harm, my left arm and thigh is now burning, but I say to myself that I deserve it. Please get me out of my own head because I can’t take it anymore. I just want to die… no one would care anyway..

someone: hey u alright?

me, on the inside: “While Liam Payne said “Home” is the most meaningful song on the album for him but demurred about exactly why that is, he revealed Tomlinson tapped into his emotional side while writing and recording. Having seen different things he’s gone through and different stuff this year – and obviously I’ve written a lot of songs with him – he can really get into that sensitive mindset to write songs, which is pretty cool.”

me, drowning in my own tears: yeah im fine

Proof that this entire episode was fan fiction:

(1) THE FLASHBACKS OMG

(2) No seriously though, are the writers telling us that Coulson and May flirted this much on every mission?? Posing as husband and wife with included bra strap fumbling?? I’M DROWNING IN MY OWN TEARS

(3) FITZSIMMONS BEING CUTE AS HELL WITH THEIR UNDERSTANDING AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP GAH

(4) “you have game?” Chriiist the eye sex is real with this one - i mean, how much flirting can one woman do while on mission??

(5) I’m feeling some tension - sexual or otherwise.” CAN SOMEONE HONESTLY TELL ME THAT LINE IS NOT FROM SOME KINKY PHILINDA FIC OUT THERE

(6) ok and let’s not forget that scene in the car (!!!) - like they actually  cannonically admitted that they’re hella interested in dating each other (!!!!) HOW IS THIS NOT FANFICTION

(7) And fiiiiiinally, now half the team are freaking androids?? AND FITZSIMMONS HAVE TO FIGHT THEM OFF? ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE STYLE?? 

WHAT IS THIS SHOW

Take my hand into the deepest waters and I’d tell you the same thing, we’ll never drown. Walking straight into an erupting volcano and I’ll tell you the same thing, we’ll never die. Some words pollute our minds, some words haunt us forever, but some words are necessary. I won’t tell you the same three words that many have died for. I’ll tell you the same thing I’ve been telling my depression. I won’t be drowned by you. I won’t die because of you. I’ll use these hands and build my own dreams and I’ll be damned if you tear them down. Take my hand into the sea, take my hand into the fire– you belong to me.
—  A poem in hand

❝ i can shake everything off as i write; my sorrows disappear and my courage is reborn, ❞  - Anne Frank

time for some recommendation time because i have bookmarked some of my favourites during my hiatus to keep me rejuvenated and quenched and wanna share them with ya’ll♡

i really really love and admire these authors and their incredibly divine writings that just pulled my heartstrings and drowned me in my own ocean of tears. you should have a look and when i mean ‘should’ i mean you MUST because they are insanely good (in my opinion). i’m sure there are way more brilliant writers and stories to discover but then again, there are a billion stars in the night sky and we have all the time in the world to pick one and admire it.

▼please and i mean PLEASE don’t hurtle any hate or annoying rude requests of updates to writers who put in effort to rekindle the passion for reading and craft our fantasies and imaginations▲

fic update: 3 February

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@minthusiast
six degrees of separation (yoongi scenario)
he didn’t (multi-member series)
❝ you guys don’t frickin know how much i love her fics and if you can handle cliffhangers then you will enjoy her masterpieces but if you don’t - well prepare some tissues❞

@jungkxook
arranged love (jungkook series)
hiraeth (jungkook series)
❝ art. alyssa is art. that’s all i can say because she is a fucking masterpiece❞

@annyeongs
to earth (yoongi scenario)
listen (taehyung scenario)
punchline (jungkook scenario)
❝ mia’s writing is like getting a glimpse of what heaven seems like because her stories are just exceptionally beautifully written❞

@taesthetes
cerise (yoongi scenario)
mischance (jungkook scenario)
accismus (taehyung series)
oodal (namjoon scenario)
❝ as you can tell, i’m a mega fan of cat’s writings. like no joke. pls read her stories and love her and bless her for such amazing stories like pls she is a sweet gift from heaven i swear❞

@dreamscript
pressure (jimin scenario)
❝ her comical scenarios and plots makes me smile like there is no tomorrow so maybe her amazing writing will do something to you too…its probably black magic…❞

@vixx17andbtsimagines
bts college!au
❝ okay she makes me feel so frickin fluffy with her drabbles like i can just EXPLODE with floor. she is crazy and her imagines are so relatable i just had to put her in my recommendation list❞

@an-exotic-writer
the taste of love (yoongi scenario)
obliviously obviously obvious (jungkook scenario)
❝ if i could, i would just give you her entire masterlist because i swear, missy’s writings can cure every broken soul. she makes me feel like such a disloyal hoe just because her writings for every member are frickin insanely good❞

@heungtanbts
noise (jimin scenario)
❝ main culprit for making me cry over angst because of this scenario. she is really good guys pls go check her out if you wanna good cry❞

@queenjunghoseok
cinderella (hoseok series)
enchanted (jimin series)
❝ jen is one of the first few writers that got me hooked and stimulated my passion for writing. i’ve talked to her before and she is a genuinely nice person. pls give her love for her incredible writing❞

@jjungkooked
better than words (taehyung scenario)
the little things (jungkook scenario)
untimely confessions (seokjin scenario)
❝ kristen’s stories are masterpieces and i’m not kidding you like they are so genuine and deep - deeper and the ocean - and that says a LOT❞

@exoticarmy127
prince charming - love is easy - after all (jungkook series)
laws of motions and attractions (taehyung series)
limited edition (jungkook scenario)
❝ if you guys want a taste of extreme fluff and angst, go to kaye’s because her writings *sigh* i don’t even know anymore. she is just one of the most talented writers i have ever known in my entire existence❞

@your-miss-right
caller number 9 (yoongi series)
salted caramel (hoseok series)
warning labels (hoseok scenario)
felicity (seokjin scenario)
❝ *screaming because thalia is fucking amazing and i love her writings so much* you have no idea how much i admire her writing. its so new and fresh and just something i want to experience and have it screened in a cinema ya know. oh yeah and her edits makes me question my own artistic talent❞

@pjimns
the insanity called love (taehyung scenario)
❝ issy just slays it. she SLAYS it. if she played me she will slay ya'll❞

@yoongsigh
basically her entire text masterlist
❝ cheesy af and lucy’s texts makes me want to puke butterflies and cry rainfalls. partner in crime but likely to be the one to have to save my ass from the cops because i daydream too much in the midst of schemes❞

@inktae
first light (jungkook scenario)
the swirling way of stars (jungkook scenario)
blue orchids (jungkook scenario)
❝ ya’ll…you have no idea how much i love mari and her stories. she makes magic with her words and fantasies come to life with her imagination that is just beyond the universe❞

@sugajpg
incandescence (yoongi scenario)
supernova (jungkook scenario)
❝ gonna admit ignis’ stories just give me such a novel worthy vibe when i read them. its so well written and im just so awed by her eloquent writing and you all should❞

@sxgah
between the lines (jungkook scenario)
❝ i spent months trying to find this amazing blog who has the amazing fic that reminds me of jodi picoult’s Between The Lines. and trust me, its so beautiful i love it soo much it gets mE SO FLUFFY. kim’s stories are beyond amazing and i’m just nOPE NOT TODAY GURL❞

@gukvory
the devil skates on thin ice (yoongi series)
❝ you all have no fucking clue how amazing ivory is. iv’e been through her past personas and she still strikes me with her flamboyant vocab and outstanding storylines❞

@taechubs
paper hearts (jungkook series)
❝ ERIN NEEDS TO BE STOPPED I REPEAT SHE NEEDS TO BE STOPPED that’s all ❞

@bngtn-blues
iniquitous (jungkook scenario)
❝ idk about you but tina is underrated and i waNT PEOPLE TO LOVE HER WORKS thank you pls. she is new so she doesn’t have that many fics but i’m so excited for new ones because she is just MMHHMMM❞

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there is waaaaaaaaaaay more i assure and i’m pretty sure you guys know waaaaaay more. these are my fav scenarios and authors who have truly inspired me:) pls give them all the respect and love they deserve for their hard work. some of them are on hiatus or either really busy but all we can do is give them support and patience♡ will update the fic soon:))
-Q

I’ve spent too many years sewing my tears together with thread and hanging them like Christmas lights. spent too many nights watching the sun set on the edge of a knife, don’t wanna let myself or anybody else drown anymore… We have cried so hard our tears have left scars on our cheek bones, but who finds the way home by the shortcuts? You wrote your first poem on a homophobe’s fist, you wrote your first poem on your mother’s dying wish. I wrote this line on my own slit wrist.
—  Titanic by Andrea Gibson
Hwarang: Hansung.

The only reason I started watching this drama was Kim Taehyung, but I admit that after the first two episodes it got me hooked. But that doesn’t mean that I forgot about Hansung because everytime he appeared on screen I started smiling like a fool and feeling so proud.

Before the drama started and the character pictures were posted, everybody was sure that Hansung looked like that character that will die. I just laughed it off, “they wouldn’t kill him on his first drama”, but now…

Now it became true and I can’t really blame anyone, yes they did me so dirty, making me cry till I’ll drown in my own tears and it was the first time I sincerely cared about a character, and seeing him go… I just, it felt so real, and he only wanted happines and peace, Hansung.

I’m happy that there are only two episodes left, because otherwise I don’t think I could’ve watched it till the end, without my heart breaking while waiting for Hansung to appear.

I want to applaud Kim Taehyung for his acting and for being such a wonderful person, and… I can’t wait for his next drama. * but i swear to god if he dies in that too i’ll cut somebody*