and then after the latest rage quit

anonymous asked:

So what does Vanderwood do now after he got out of the agency? I mean what job did he take up? I can't imagine him in retail or a customer service job. He'll get pissed with the customers. Maybe he's actually a very good baker? Or he would become a maid? lol. HC please for vanderwood job hunting and employment.

  • Mary Vanderwood the III never once thought they would have to enter the ‘normal’ workforce again. Unfortunately, the collapse of their agency at the hands of Luciel and their resulting secret-agent equivalent of a ‘black spot’ on their record means that the whole… shooting and sneaking around thing? Not gonna happen anymore. 
  • Not that they wanted it to, really. Their job sucked. It sucked super hard. In fact, it sucked so much that any job they do from hereon out is going to be a cinch, right?
  • hahahahahahahahahahahahaa.
  • They try retail first, partially because it’s easy and partially because they can’t actually put their old job on their resume, so it looks like they’ve never been employed before in their life. They get a job in a department store selling clothes, which they think will be great. They love clothes! They love fashion! They’re looking forward to their 20% discount on all items!
  • they walk in to one of the changing rooms, find that someone has used it as an emergency bathroom, and quit immediately.
  • Next is a food-service job. They like cooking. They like cleaning. As long as the poop is in the toilet, they can deal with it, and they actually find a job at a middle-class restaurant within a convenient walking distance from their house. They get hired as a waiter, and the first week or so on the job goes okay. 
  • But things start to build up.
  • One customer complains about the coffee, saying it’s been overbrewed and it’s too bitter. Vanderwood testes it, it’s perfectly fine, but they bring them another cup. This cup is too bitter too. They suggest putting some cream in it, to which they’re told that only girls put cream in their coffee.
  • [deep inhale] [deep exhale] let it go.
  • Another complains about the pasta. They want it al-dente, they say. Oh-fucking-kay, Vanderwood tells the kitchen and brings them a new plate.
  • They are told the pasta is undercooked and they want to kill someone.
  • They call a customer a disgusting, tasteless monster after he asks why there isn’t any ice in his red wine, and promptly quits before they can be fired.
  • They try taking on work as a maid, and find themselves having to navigate a lawsuit when they accidentally set a person’s place on fire after trying to get rid of a centipede infestation.
  • why was there a centipede infestation what hell is this
  • It gets hard for them to find a job. They work at a bookstore, but get fired for complaining loudly about the latest trash novel that’s all the rage. They try IT work, and quit upon realizing that life in the IT profession is meaningless, filled with people who don’t understand what wireless dongles are and why their monitors won’t show any picture.
  • hint: it’s because it’s not fucking plugged in
  • For a long time they stick it out in a computer repair shop, but when a computer case is delivered to them that has an actual termite nest living near the power supply, they put it in a plastic bag, throw it out the window, and turn in their two weeks.
  • they start missing the days when they used to shoot people.
  • Bills start looming, and they’re considering just fucking selling their soul and take naughty pictures of themselves in Seven’s cosplay for funds when Jaehee mentions needing an assistant executive assistant.
  • oh boy
  • oh boy they could do that
  • oh boy THEY’LL DO ANYTHING, PLEASE, JAEHEE, LET THEM MANAGE SCHEDULES AND DO PAPERWORK
  • it’s a hellish life filled with long hours and navigating stupid decisions, but Jumin is the kind of man that doesn’t give a shit if his employees trash-talk him, so Vanderwood is in the clear on that. They just need to work hard, and they do, slaving under the corporate machine with Jaehee.
All the Rage Back Home
Interpol
All the Rage Back Home

All the Rage Back Home - Interpol.

Interpol need no introduction really. This is their latest single off their upcoming El Pintor album (due on 9th September, and sneakily an anagram of Interpol). It’s called “All the Rage Back Home”, and, as a good friend said to me, “Here’s the new Interpol. Surprisingly it doesn’t suck.” And I guess it’s often the expectation, or rather hope that a beloved band’s upcoming album won’t suck *cough* Editors *cough* that leads to the joy, nay, the elation when it’s actually quite good.

It’s good then that after a lengthy hiatus and a few side projects, Interpol’s first single does the opposite of sucking, and this bodes very well for the rest of the album. 

Contributed by @johnpienaar.

So my friends, I am quite sure you are all rather perplexed by the events that recently conspired.

Allow me to fill in the gaps.

Amongst the fair-folk and other veil-dwelling creatures, there is a myth. The Myth of the Batter. They say he was an angel, disgusted by creation, and sought to purify it. He was of course, cast out into hell for displaying contempt for his creator. However, when he saw Hell for what it was, his distgust only grew further, and so swept through with a righteous fury, leaving a path of destruction in his wake. It was said that it took Satan himself, as well as his mysterious ally turning against him to defeat him.

So what, I hear you ask, does such a fairytale have anything to do with the bat ? Well you see, the Batter, although defeated, could not be competely destroyed. Although his physical form had been pulverized, his will, the will to purify all creation, remained. So Lucifer had it sealed in a simple staff, and cast it to Earth. The staff, or the Bat as most now call it, now bound to the physical realm, could no longer cause havoc in the spiritual. That is unless, it could bind to a fellow soul will the same desire to cleanse all evil and filth. The host would then be able to channel the Batter’s rage as they relased each seal, and purge all they deamed as unclean.

However, there is a catch. If the host were to release one too many of a seal, they would be overcome by the Batter’s will, and so become nothing but a flesh puppet, filled only with rage and a lust for destruction. The human soul and body cannot contain such pure energy for long, and so the host is led to their demise.

My master, despite my advice, sought out this bat. After the events of the cave she felt that if she could aquire the power, she would be able to prevent such a tragedy from occuring again.

Making a pact, she became the latest host.

Well, so now my friends, I hope you understand what went wrong there. I shall now return to tend my master. She will certainly have quite a headache when she wakes up!

katejgecko  asked:

kc + "we’ve been celebrating our wedding anniversary on the wrong day for the past nine years" au

This is my basic headcanon so no 4x16, no baby, Kol is all alive and well, inseparable with his bat as he should be.
Set some time in the future. Crack-ish.
Hope I did this prompt justice.


If there was one thing people could say about Caroline Forbes, it was that she surely knew how to throw a party.

So there was absolutely no reason in the world for Caroline to feel nervous about holding a simple family dinner to celebrate nine-year anniversary of her marriage to the certain hybrid.

No reason whatsoever.

And yes, indeed, they got married.

It wasn’t something either of them needed, with Klaus often repeating how he was an Original and thus, above such silly human conventions. Even Caroline had to admit she had got over her simple-human-life fantasy solid thirty years ago or so.

However, when her mother had inevitably grown old, something she was dreading since the day she had fully understood just what her immortality meant, Caroline decided to fulfill one of her mother’s wishes – to see her daughter in a white dress, getting married.

Of course, nowhere in those dreams her mother imagined walking Caroline to the altar so she could marry Klaus Mikaelson, of all people.

For a long time, that wasn’t something Caroline imagined, either.

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