and the towel

AN ANGRY PSA TO MY BROTHERS AND FATHER

Listen, I get it that you don’t have to wipe when you piss but I do

And when I walk into the bathroom after replacing the toilet paper last night and the roll is now empty, well, sons, you’re creating an enemy you don’t want. I CAN’T JUST SHAKE MY DICK CLEAN OKAY I NEED TOILET PAPER

You’re 26+ years old you uncultured fuckers, you were raised to replace the toilet paper, so just fucking do it. And go to a class and learn the appropriate amount of toilet paper you’re supposed to use when you shit because you clearly aren’t doing it right.

GET 👏🏻 YOUR 👏🏻 SHIT 👏🏻 TOGETHER 👏🏻

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mcu meme
Phase Two  | Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

I know I’m asking a lot. But the price of freedom is high. It always has been. And it’s a price I’m willing to pay.

Happy Towel Day!

Happy Towel Day!

“A towel, [The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

"More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have "lost.” What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.“

— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy