playing with fire
*gif credit to owner @jungkook-gifs*
pairing: you x Jungkook
themes: idol!jungkook, friendswithbenefits!au, older!oc, older!jungkook
warnings: swearing, slightly smutty, angst, fluff
word count: 9.8+k
summary: they say friends with benefits never works. fun turns into feelings and everyone gets hurt. you and jungkook are no different to the stereotype. jungkook is in too deep for comfort and you’re not sure if you can return what he wants. after all, he is a sought after celebrity and you know the consequences of playing with a little too much fire.
The sun is bright, almost too bright as you finally open your eyes from your deep slumber. Not only is the sun too bright, but it is also too damn hot in this room. Your vision blurs together to a couple seconds before it clears, comprehending my surroundings. A familiar sight covers your eyes and you go to stretch your body out until you are halted by a heavy entity; another body. You glance up to the left to be met with soft brown hair dangling, closed eyes, and slightly parted mouth that breathes slowly in and out. Memories flash across your mind as you remember the first time you saw the now familiar face.
8 Months Ago
“A vodka tonic please,” you say confidently with a stern voice as you sit back in the barstool you resided in. The bartender gives you a nod and a smile before he starts to create the simple concoction. You grab your phone and quickly message back your roommate Jihyun who is currently drowning in school work.
this bitch seriously has the nerve to give us a twenty page paper and an entire novel due on the same day… seriously thinking about dropping out
honey, that’s what you sign up for when you go to get a phd in english
You send the message with a quick giggle to yourself and you hear your glass finally being placed in front of you.
“Thanks,” you smile to the bartender and you do not hesitate to pick up the glass and take a generous sip. You suddenly feel a presence two seats down from you and you glance over to find a man whose face is pretty much hidden underneath a black mask, hair covered with a black beanie.
The guy pulls down his mask briefly to order a soju, but then all too soon he shoves the mask back up his face. You do not even realize you are still looking at him until he glances over at you, his deep brown eyes meeting yours. You tear your eyes away from him to continue sipping on your drink as you go through the different social medias on your phone.
“You know-“ a sudden voice interrupts what you are doing and you look up, seeing that the masked boy is talking to you, “Looking at you, you seem like one of those girls who like that fruity shit that these places have, so I’m impressed,” and even though you cannot see his mouth, you sense he is smirking at his words. You get that the boy is referencing your pretty much straight vodka drink and you chuckle.
“Well, I’m definitely not your typical girl,” you laugh, tilting your head some, turning your attention to the boy. You have been in Seoul for about a year now and it’s not strange to you that a native is talking to you, as it has happened a lot throughout the year. One thing you have noticed about Korean men, when they see a foreigner that catches their eye, they are pretty hellbent on at least having a conversation with them, if not more. Which on some occasions, you had taken up the offers.
“What brings you here tonight?” the boy asks curiously, and to your surprise, he pulls his mask down so you can now fully see his face. You take immediate notice into how attractive he is. Kind of manly but has a boyish look at the same time. Another thing that sticks out is the scar on his cheek.
“Well, my job has kicked my ass this week,” you breathe out, leaning your elbows on the bar giving him a curious look. “What about you?” you inquire.
The boy shrugs, “Pretty much the same reason,” he takes a big gulp of his soju. “Although, as much as I like soju, I don’t think its gonna cut it for me tonight,” he suddenly speaks up gaining your attention even more, “Hey, can I get two shots of your finest tequila,” he shoots in quick Korean and you raise an eyebrow at him.
The bartender quickly gets the man his shots before he slides one over to you. You give him a curious look before you smirk, grabbing the small glass.
“Cheers,” he gives you a deep smile within his eyes and you both tip the glasses back, feeling the burn in the back of you throat as the liquid glides down the pipe.
You and this boy, which you finally learn his name to be Jeongguk, actually end up getting on pretty well. He moves down a seat so you two are now beside each other emerged into conversation. Jeongguk continues to order a couple more shots for the both of you and before you know it, both of you are basically drunk and both of you are really into each other.
The next thing you know, you both are leaving the bar in a hurry, masks going on both of your faces and you do not know how long it takes for the two of you to be stumbling into his apartment complex, lips on each others like fire, hands tugging and pulling at clothes, and soon, you are underneath him, your nails digging into his flesh as you seal everything with a kiss.
Jeongguk’s body stirs as you try to pry your legs away from the mess underneath the sheets. Once you are finally free from the overly hot space, you glance up and to your disappointment, you had in fact woken him up. His brown eyes stare back at you for a small smile forms on his lips.
“Good morning,” he says simply, stretching his arms a little above his head. “Why the hell is it a million degrees in this room?” he suddenly perks up, giving you a weird look.
“I’m wondering the same thing, although my intuition tells me that it is the work of Jimin,” you say with a small laugh as the two of you naturally separate yourselves on the bed to make it more comfortable. “And as I always say, a woman’s intuition is never wrong,” you give Jeongguk a smirk.
He returns one as he gets up from the bed and you do not even bother to look away from his naked frame as you have seen it many times now. He pulls on a pair of his grey sweatpants before going to the door, peeking his head out.
“Jimin, I swear if this house doesn’t feel like Antarctica in twenty minutes I’m going to kill you!” he half heartedly shouts and you cannot help but laugh at his humor. It’s not that his “threat” was funny, it’s funny because even though he is man, he is basically a kid inside. Jeongguk shuts his door again before turning his attention back to you.
You pull up the covers over your naked torso as you reach over to the nightstand and grab your glasses, as you were not dealing with your contacts today. In an instant, you look up for a split second and your lips are caught on his in a welcoming, soft kiss. You sigh into the kiss, savoring it sweetly.
“We have dance practice and rehearsals pretty much all day today,” he says as he gently pulls away from you.
“When don’t you,” you say rhetorically, giving him a light chuckle. Jeongguk raises his eyebrows before tilting his head reluctantly.
“If we have spare time, maybe you can come over again or we can go out to do something?” he offers as he gives you a big sweatshirt to put on for the time being.
You and Jeongguk’s story may have started that one fateful night at a random bar in Seoul, but so far, it has almost been like a Harry Potter book; never ending. No, you two were not dating. Yes, you two did hang out a lot which often turned into heated and lustful sex. Did you two mind it? Hell no. You can remember the night he talked about his plan with you like it was the back of your palm.
7 Months Ago
“What did you just ask me?” you ask, your tone high and your eyes wide. You looked at Jeongguk as if he was insane. You are just happy that his roommate Jimin is not here to hear this conversation.
Jeongguk honestly had not planned on you questioning his proposition so he was a little stumped to say the least.
“Uh,” he starts, “Let me rephrase,” he pauses again, looking deep into your eyes, a little unsure about his idea now that you have cocked an unexpected attitude with him. “How would you like it if we, like us… were kind of…like there for each other in times of um, sexual…needs,” he says slowly but he still manages to stumble over his words.
You give him a blank look, blinking a few times trying to comprehend what he just said.
You open your mouth hesitantly, “So.. you basically want to be fuck buddies with me?” you raise your eyebrow at him.
He opens his mouth as if he is going to shoot you another long answer, but instead he sighs, scratching the back of his head, “Yeah..” he says slowly and you can see a pink color beginning to rise upon his cheeks.
“Hm-“ you start to say something before he interjects you.
“I mean you don’t have to if you don’t want to, honestly it was stupid of me to ask, but I mean,we can also just try it out to see how we like it, I mean I won’t even be here a lot but for when I am here I guess, there always is that saying don’t knock it until you try it-“
“Jeon,” you say sternly, suppressing a laugh inside of your throat, “Slow down,” you finally release your laugh and he breathes out heavily as if he just got a weight off of his chest.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, his shyness coming out. Jeongguk is a lot more shy than you expected. The night you first slept together he was open like a book, but I guess alcohol can do that to you. Suddenly, he begins to start talking again however you zone out for a moment, deciding to think about his proposition. At first, you did think the idea was crazy, but after getting to know him for about a month after you slept with each other, and you cannot forget when you did sleep with each other how good it was. Besides, he was fun to hang out with and you love sex, so what could go wrong?
“Sure,” you interject quickly, not even realizing you said that out loud until you see Jeongguk’s shocked facial expression.
“Really?” he says surprised, licking his lips quickly.
You take in a deep breath, “Yes, but only if we can stay friends and not have this become awkward, I like your cooking and Jimin too much,” you say confidently. He gives you a reassuring look before agreeing to it.
Ten minutes later, you two are back in his bedroom, already putting the plan into affect.
“If we have spare time, maybe you can come over again or we can go out to do something?” Jeongguk’s question rings through your head again, kind of taken aback by the idea.
In the eight months you have known him, you two rarely went out, and when you did, it was on your terms to get groceries or something like that. You two never really went on “dates” simply because of the fact of who he was.
“Hm?” you inquire, hinting the obvious attitude in your tone. While Jeongguk does wear masks, some people’s eyesight is too great for the fabric covering his face. He gives you a weird look before opening his mouth again.
“I mean, don’t you wanna get out of our apartments once in awhile?” he says, his eyes lighting up at the idea. “We could go see a late movie or something?”
“But we’re not dating,” you shoot your answer out quicker than you expected, not thinking it through. “And plus, you know the risks about going out, hell you barely go out by yourself,” you say looking at him intensely.
Jeongguk stays quiet, looking around his room for a moment. For a twenty-three year old, he was still childish and craved attention like a baby, which is what you concluded for the reason of his proposition of going out.
“Yeah, you’re right,” he says after a moment of silence, scratching the back of his head. All of a sudden your stomach growls loudly and he laughs, “You hungry?”
“Can you tell?” you laugh, throwing your hair up into a ponytail on top of your head, raising an eyebrow towards him.
“Come on, I’ll fix you something,” he says offering you a hand to get you out of his bed. You take it generously, however you drop it as soon as you stand up. The past seven months, you meant what you said when you did not want things to become awkward. That is why you, perhaps more so than Jeongguk, have avoided the “couple” stuff. Once again you blamed his inner child craving attention for his attempts of extra affection towards you. Before you leave his room, you glance around seeing the piles of records, achievements, and posters, reminding you perhaps the main reason you have kept your distance from Jeongguk - although your stubbornness would never let you think that.
6 Months Ago
It was a Friday night. You were in pajamas, curled up on the couch of your apartment, finishing up some paperwork for your job due on Monday. Normally on a Friday you would be heading over to Jimin’s and Jeongguk’s place, however, for the past two weeks Jeongguk said he was going home to visit family since he has not seen them for awhile.
“[y/n]?” Jihyun’s voice echoes through the hallway, quite loudly you must say. “Yes?” you say, glancing away from the workload in front of you for what seems like the first time in four hours.
“Come here,” she says in a wary tone. You move all of the stuff on top of you to your right before you make your way down the hall, into her bedroom.
“What?” you ask.
“What did you say that guy’s name was you’ve been hanging out with?” she looks at you as she closes the book I presume is for university on her bed.
“Jeongguk, why?” you answer simply. You obviously did not give much details about the relationship you two had, but you had figured being the good person you are, Jihyun would want to know where you were going every weekend. She has met him a couple times, although his face mask was only off completely one time for her to see him fully.
“Isn’t.. that.. him?” she points to the TV in front of her bed, a confused look on her face. You glance over to the TV doing a double take. Your eyes widen at the TV, as your mouth gapes open slightly. You both tune into the TV, listening to the broadcaster.
“Bangtan Sonyeondan has comeback for one last time before their eldest member Jin, enrolls into the military early next year. Jin, Suga, J-Hope, leader Rap Monster, V, Jimin, and maknae Jungkook are all very excited yet very emotional about the new comeback.”
Suddenly the camera pans over the people she named and you feel your heart stop when you see Jeongguk, your Jeongguk, or now you guess Jungkook, on national TV, smiling and bubbly as ever. You also see Jimin! What?!
“What the fuck?!” you yell looking over to Jihyun, “He’s a k-pop star?!” you say in disbelief, “Did you know about this?” you look over to her and she puts her hands up in defense.
“No, I swear!” she says glancing back over to the TV.
“I thought you were into that k-pop stuff? How did you not know? You’re Korean for godsakes! I’m the one who should be out of the loop,” you say, not meaning to ramble so much but you honestly cannot believe what you are seeing. Did he think you were never going to find out?
“I was into that shit when I was like sixteen, I-I mean I’ve know of Bangtan for a few years, but they’ve all grown up, I don’t know, I just didn’t recognize them I guess, but one thing is for sure, that is definitely the Jeongguk you’ve brought over here before,” she states, her tone showing confusion herself.
“Oh my god,” you breathe out glancing over to the TV, seeing his face alone on the TV. “We cannot wait to see what this comeback has in store for us, please love and support Bangtan! Fighting!” Jeongguk flashes his perfect - wait no, just smile giving the camera guy two peace signs.
“I am going to kill him,” you say, watching his every move on the TV. “Yup, I’m gonna kill him.”
It is approximately four days after the TV incident when Jeongguk texts you about wanting to see you since he is back in town.
“Back in town my ass,” you scoff to yourself, looking at the message.
The past four days have allowed to think about what you have with Jeongguk a lot. He is now a popular, very sought after male idol who can make anyone thirst for his attention. You did your research on him trying to dig up anything he had never spoken about. So many award show appearances, awards, albums, tours, endorsements, rumors, and more; all with his face attached to each thing you look at.
You moved to Korea not even blinking about getting into k-pop. Obviously you know about it as it is practically one of Korea’s proudest exports, however you saw it as something only teenagers should crave over, not your now twenty-four year old self.
Realizing the power and influence Jeongguk had intimidated you. And you were not one to be intimidated. You now understood why he wore black masks everywhere. You now understood why you two never went out. And you now understood why he asked you to be friends with benefits since he obviously did not have the time to have a relationship - not that you were looking, but everything made sense now.
You down at his message one more time before simply replying;
That night, he texts you when he is almost at your apartment. You had told Jihyun you were going to confront him and thankfully, she had a night class on Thursdays so she would not be home at least until 10 or 11.
You hear sudden knocks on your door and you do not even have to guess who it is. You open it to find him with a mask and a black hat covering his brown locks, which now look lighter as some peep through the bottom of the cap.
“Hey [y/n],” he says with a smile on his face as you close the door, locking it back in place. “Sorry, my flight from Busan got delayed earlier, so I should have been back earlier,” he says completely taking his mask off.
You look at him, taking in his handsome features, pursing your lips you cross your arms over your chest slightly hiding yourself.
“What’s wrong?” he says, immediately noticing a change from your usual flirty and humorous self.
You had thought about how you were going to approach this conversation and being the strong, stubborn woman you were, you were not going to tip-toe around your point.
“Do you think I’m stupid?” you say bluntly, him quickly being caught off guard from your words.
“W-what?” he says, giving you a weird look.
“Did you think I wasn’t going to find out? Find out about you? A-and Jimin too!” you say, having to bite your tongue at the anger you have been feeling the past few days.
“What are you talking about?” he spits at you, his tone raising himself. Although, something in his eyes says he knows exactly what you are talking about.
“Don’t play dumb with me,” you say rolling your eyes, “I know you weren’t in Busan Jeongguk,” you say shaking your head some.
He opens his mouth but closes it quickly, as if he is unsure what to say. He breathes out heavily, closing his eyes briefly, “I-I’m sorry,” he says in a low voice, “I was trying to protect you,” he sighs.
“I’m twenty-four years old Jeongguk, I think I can protect myself,” you shoot back as you can feel your face turning red.
“No, not-like.. that,” he shakes his head, “My job is practically my life, it has been for nearly eight years… I-I know how ruthless outsiders can be not only to me, but others around me and I didn’t want that for you, hell you’re a foreigner you definitely don’t deserve that shit,” he says taking a step closer to you.
You take a slow deep breath before saying what you needed to say, “I don’t think we need to continue this,” you say softly.
“What?” Jeongguk pipes up, searching your eyes for answers. You look away, trying your best for him to understand.
“I can’t keep doing this now that I know who you are,” you shake your head, “It’s not fair to me-“
“Wait, wait, hold up,” he interrupts you, “I’ve been an idol the whole time, what is the problem now that you know? Shouldn’t you be glad that you have an explanation for some of the stupid shit you know I make up?”
You give him a weird look, “Jeongguk, you don’t understand, I thought you were a normal guy I met at a bar and someone I could have sex with once in awhile,” you spill truthfully. “I-I’m sorry, I just can’t do this anymore, it’s too weird for me.”
He does not react at first and he looks around the apartment, as if he trying to think of something to say. You do not know why but you expected him to obliged and just gather his things to forget about you forever. Besides, he is a handsome celebrity, he could find any girl willing to sleep with him.
However, Jeongguk does not leave and suddenly, he surprises you by doing the unthinkable. He strides a step towards you and crashes his lips down onto yours. At first your eyes are wide but soon after, you close them and bring your hands to his neck pulling him closer to you. The kiss has force behind of it, but he is gentle with you at the same time. You snap back into reality and push him away slowly.
“Just let me show you I can be that normal guy you can have sex with once in awhile,” he says still holding your body close to him. You cannot help but get lost in his big brown eyes, after all they were the first feature you saw of his.
“Fine,” you say and you feel him relax beneath your touch, “But don’t drag me into that world or whatever, I like being normal.”
“I wouldn’t even think about babe,” he says with a smirk, leaning down to give you another small kiss which leaves a weird sensation in your stomach, although you cannot tell if it is good or bad.
You remember the day you tried to break things off with Jeongguk vividly. It was so weird because you had never seen that side of him being so gentle and pleading so much. At least not in just a normal conversation. The same feeling that settled in your stomach that night he kissed you, now shows up every time he kisses you. You do think that Jeongguk is very attractive and one of the nicest guys you have met while living here, however, you do not let that distract you from the fact he is an idol. As much as your heart wants to like him on a deeper level, you refuse to bring yourself to do it. Besides, mixing feelings with sex with two people not in a relationship is never a good thing.
To Jeongguk, that night in your apartment when you tried to end the “relationship,” he was scared for a moment. Obviously, he loved having sex with you, but building up to that, deep down he knew he had begun to develop feelings for you. After he kissed you with no sexual encounter in mind, something inside of him felt different. The underlying feelings he had for you began to set on fire inside of him. Now, every time he looks at you, a small pain hurts in his chest due to repressing his feelings. Jeongguk slightly vented about his feelings about you to Jimin one day after they had a few beers. Jimin basically said the cliche, “don’t mix feelings with sex.” It was all horse-shit to Jeongguk. He liked you too damn much not to try. So that is what he started to do. Try.
“Hey [y/n], I got out earlier than expected, will you please just go out somewhere with me, I’m literally so bored,” Jeongguk begs to you on the phone as you make yourself some decaf coffee; your de-stress best friend, minus alcohol.
“Uh,” you look at the time, 9:04, “I don’t know Jeongguk, it’s getting late,” you say.
“Please [y/n], I just want to do something with you that does not involve a bed and moaning, although I am always down though,” he adds the last part quietly and you laugh to yourself rolling your eyes at him.
“I don’t know,” you mumble, biting on your nails for a moment. You honestly could not figure out why he was being so persistent.
“[y/n] please,” he drags out and you being you, you give into his word. “It’s better for me to go out at night anyways, less likely to be seen.”
“Fine, take me to get ice cream,” you state, suddenly craving the sweet treat.
“Hell yes, I’ll be over in ten minutes,” and with that he hangs up the phone. You let out a sigh before going to tell Jihyun you and Jeongguk are going out for ice cream.
“Wow, you two are actually going out?” she inquires as you begin to freshen yourself up by putting on a clean pair of jeans and a simple sweater. “I thought you were against the couple stuff?”
“I am,” you state, throwing on a jacket over the sweater knowing it is pretty chilly this time of the year.
“Then what are you doing?” she fires back.
“You say you hate that stuff yet you’re going to get ice cream with someone who is basically your boyfriend-“
“No he’s not,” you interject, shaking your head. You can see Jihyun rolling her eyes at you out of your peripheral vision, but you ignore her. You both hear knocks on the door and they are all too familiar. You rush to the door and slip your tennis shoes on quickly.
“Hey,” Jeongguk smiles at you and surprisingly, his mask is already down.
“Hi,” you say grabbing your purse as you throwing it over your body, “I’ll be back!” you yell to Jihyun down the hallway.
“I’ll be asleep!” she yells back which makes the both of you laugh.
You two start to walk towards the elevator of the apartment complex before Jeongguk stops you, “Here,” he says handing you a white mask. You sigh, knowing that it is necessary even though it makes you feel anything but normal.
Your heart pounds the whole time you and Jeongguk are walking down the busy streets of Seoul to get to your favorite ice cream parlor. You knew at any moment a fan of his could pop out of nowhere and figure out it was their beloved Jungkook behind the mask. You stayed close to him not wanting to become separated due to all of the people, even at this late hour. Once you finally arrive at the ice cream parlor, you are the one who takes off the mask, letting him keep his on.
You order vanilla for him and mint-chocolate chip for yourself, becoming innerly excited about eating the sweet treat.
After Jeongguk pays, he leads you to an outside area with tables and benches which have been decorated in pretty lights. He finds a seat for the two of you in perhaps the darkest area of the whole place before slipping his mask off.
“Thank you for the ice cream,” you smile at him and he returns one.
“No problem,” he shrugs, keeping his voice low. It’s times like this where you continue to question what you have with him. The friends with benefits thing is not normal in itself, however, not even able to do the “friends” part right is downright shitty.
“How was today?” you ask him.
He shrugs, “Same old, same old, it’s still weird not having Jin there though,” he mutters the last part, sadness covering his tone.
“Yeah, I’m sure he’s fine though,” you say trying to cheer him up.
“Yeah,” Jeongguk lets out a short laugh before taking in a big scoop of his ice cream.
You decide to perk up the conversation by asking your deepest curiosity.
“Why did you want to go out so bad?” you ask simply, thinking it was an innocent question.
Jeongguk’s brown eyes look at you intensely, “I mean, I like spending time with you so why not?” he shrugs continuing to eat his ice cream.
“You do?” you question, sounding a little dumbfounded. You never really thought about spending more time with him than you already do, at least outside of the bedroom.
“I’ve kept up with you for eight months, so.. yeah.. kinda,” he chuckles giving you a weird look you cannot read.
“Is Jimin still the only one who knows about this.. me?” you ask curiously.
“As far as I know, but I think Tae is suspicious of something,” he says truthfully.
“What’s their to be suspicious of? It’s not like we’re together so there’s no dirt really to dish there,” you say not thinking twice about what you were saying.
Suddenly, Jeongguk opens his mouth hesitantly, like he does not really know what he is about to say, “I mean.. we basically are,” he says giving you a glance. Your eyebrows furrow, shooting him a weird look.
“I don’t think so,” you laugh, brushing off his antics.
“Why couldn’t it be?” Jeongguk all of a sudden shoots a question that you were not expecting. You look over to him quickly.
“W-what?” you stare at him with a confused expression.
“I mean, it-it’s just..” he pauses, shaking his head, “Never mind, we should get going, it’s getting late plus I need to be back at the apartment,” he changes the subject quickly, although his words are still stuck in your head.
Why couldn’t it be? What did he mean by that?
“Uh, yeah okay,” you say quietly, trying your best to shove those words out of your head, however words are easier to express than actions.
The entire way back to your apartment is dead silent and you do not find yourself walking as close to Jeongguk as before. Your stomach is fluttering with a sick feeling. Your relationship or whatever anyone wanted to call it with Jeongguk you had thought was strictly just sex and maybe a few movies here and there. However, with Jeongguk’s words tonight, your idea about the relationship obviously was not on the same page as him. Frankly, that scared you. You decided to blame his weird words on his exhaustion and age. Like you have said before, he is younger and he wants attention. That is all it is.
Soon after the mental struggle ends in your head, you are standing at the door of your apartment with him.
“Thanks for the ice cream again,” you finally break the silence between the two of you. Jeongguk smiles down at you, shrugging his shoulders. “Do you wanna come in?” you ask trying to break the tension between you two.
“No, it’s fine, I gotta head back,” he says simply before taking a deep breath, “I’ll let you go.”
“Okay, night Jeongguk,” you say turning around to unlock you door, however your arm is caught and you are whipped around again to be met with lips in front of you and the door against your back.
It takes you a second to realize Jeongguk is kissing you, holding you close to him. The kiss is gentle, sweet, and tender. The same sickly-butterfly feeling drops into your stomach again. You kiss him back but you push yourself away gently after a few moments, slightly freaking out on the inside.
“Goodnight, [y/n],” he says simply before placing a simple kiss on your nose, leaving you be, by yourself leaning against the door to your apartment.
Why couldn’t it be?
The next few days are all a blur to you. You go to work, get drinks with Jihyun when she is free, and watch some shows on Netflix. Jeongguk has texted you multiple times however, you only reply occasionally. You were honestly surprised he had been able to text you so much considering him and the boys went to Japan for a few days for business.
Ever since the night you two went to get ice cream, something inside of you felt different. As much as you wanted to suppress the thought, you could not hide the fact that there was something going on with Jeongguk. He is becoming more persistant about wanting to hang out, more open with his words, and more willing. Your intuition never proved you wrong and this time, your intuition is telling you that Jeongguk has feelings for you. As much as you wanted to deny it, you have been with too many guys and you know the signs like the back of your hand.
As much as you like Jeongguk yourself, you do not know if you could handle being with him one-hundred percent. Just maybe if he wasn’t who he was, you would perhaps think about diving deeper into the relationship you shared, but you refused. You were not going to get hurt, or played, or made a fool out of. You were there for the sex and the sex only.
You were in your room watching TV, sleep almost taking over your body but suddenly you hear knocks on the front door down the hallway. You almost rolled your eyes not wanting to get up from your comfortable bed, but you knew Jihyun definitely was not going to get up.
You slowly walk down the hallway cursing to yourself wondering if it is the landlord of the apartment building because you suddenly could not remember if you and Jihyun had payed the rent last month.
You quickly open the door and your eyes open wide at the sight.
“Jeongguk?” you say in disbelief and you suddenly aren’t so tired anymore.
“Hey,” he smiles at you before you step aside for him to come in. “I thought you were in Japan?” you question slowly, not sure if you are happy to see him or not.
“We got back a couple hours ago,” he states in low voice, taking note that Jihyun was in her bedroom.
“What are you doing here?” you say, the words coming out more spiteful than you meant them to.
“I came to see you,” he says with an obvious ‘duh’ tone to his deep voice.
“Jeongguk it’s late and I’m sure you’re tired-“
“What’s been up with you lately?” Jeongguk suddenly interrupts your sentence and you look him questioningly.
“W-what?” you ask, “Nothing?”
“Can we go in your room?” he suddenly asks.
You shake your head some, “Why? Jeongguk-“
“Seriously I just wanna talk, just in a private space where your roommate can’t hear everything,” he explains and reluctantly you lead him to your room down the hallway. He had been here many times but this was the first time you felt queazy to your stomach.
You shut the door to your room, the dim lamp on your desk providing the only light source at the moment.
“What do you wanna talk about?” you ask crossing your arms over your chest. You didn’t even realize it until he observes your body, but you are wearing one of his sweatshirts he absentmindedly gave you.
“You,” he says simply. You give him a weird look, mumbling a “hm” before he opens his mouth again, “Why have you been ignoring me?”
“I haven’t,” you interject.
“Yes, you have, you only texted me back three times while I was away, did I do something wrong?” his words are fast and panicked like he is unsure of how to word his sentences. You stare at him in disbelief, trying to hide your stiffness in your body. Jeongguk was a smart boy and he was catching on to what you were doing.
“No, you haven’t,” you shake your head.
“Then what’s the issue, I’ve never felt more distant from you than ever before,” he sounds confused and unsure; his immaturity and insecurity coming through.
You have two answers to his question. The first answer was to lie and say work has been stressing you out or the second answer which is truthful to be something like, saying you’re just scared because you feel like he has feelings for you and you don’t know what to do.
“We’re friends Jeongguk, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you say nonchalantly, trying your best to lie to a man who has given you so much.
“[y/n], c’mon I know you,” he persists.
You stay silent, looking at the boy intensely.
“I-I,” you stutter, biting your lip hard, “It’s nothing, work has just been rough lately, I’m sorry if you feel that way, I didn’t mean to ignore you,” you lie right through your teeth and you swear you see Jeongguk’s body relax.
Jeongguk slowly nods his head as if he understands your situation, “Okay, I was just worried about you, you know?” he says cocking his head to the right for a second, a habit of his you have noticed.
“Yeah, I’m fine though,” you breathe out giving him a reassuring smile.
“Good,” he says simply. You glance over to the clock in your room which reads 11:34 PM. You two suddenly hear loud pounding against the windows to your room and you walk over revealing behind your curtain, rain. Really harsh rain. “Shit,” Jeongguk mutters.
Without even thinking you say, “You can stay here if you want.” You suddenly regret your words, but there is nothing you can do about it now that the offer has been thrown up in the air.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to in-“
“Jeongguk its fine,” you interrupt him.
“Okay,” he breathes out, “I’ll sleep on the couch,” he states beginning to leave your room.
“Jeongguk seriously you’ve stayed with me before, just stay here,” you offer not wanting to argue this arrangement. You know it is not the best idea considering your suspicions but it is the least you can do.
“Fine,” he agrees, “But don’t hog the bed again,” he mumbles as he takes his shoes and other clothing off.
“Again?!” you state, “You’re the one who is twice my size!” you justify giving him a glare.
“I’m kidding [y/n],” he laughs.
“Better be,” you say underneath your breath as you crawl back into your bed, turning your attention back to the paused Netflix. Jeongguk follows you before you press play on the remote again.
Without warning Jeongguk pulls you closer to him, your head fitting in the crook of his neck but you keep your attention on the TV. This is so wrong, you think to yourself. You definitely should not be leading him on when all you signed up for was the sex. Which you two have not had in about two weeks. However, after all these months, you could not help but finally realize how good it felt to be in his arms.
You slowly find yourself becoming more and more tired, leaning onto Jeongguk as your body falls limp and the last thing you remember was his hand entangling into yours.
The night Jeongguk stayed over at your house, is when everything became even more confusing than before. You found yourself tugging and pulling at your emotions as you had no idea what you were feeling.
Jeongguk was still continuing to be persistent as ever. You did not mind the attention, however it further confused and scared you. Your heart was saying yes, but your head was saying no. You did not know what to do. So, your next plan was to call in the wingman; Jimin.
You were meeting Jimin at small cafe you knew was never busy so there was little chance of him becoming recognized. By the time you ordered drinks for Jimin and yourself, he had arrived with a white mask over his face.
You greeted each other before finding a table in the very back of the cafe.
“I was gonna ask why you wanted to meet but my gut is telling me its about Jeongguk,” Jimin laughs as he pulls of his mask.
“Your gut is right,” you chuckle taking a sip of your coffee.
“I’m all ears,” he says with a small smile. One reason why you really liked Jimin is that he has never seemed to judge you for doing the whole friends with benefits things with Jeongguk - at least you hoped he hasn’t.
You take a breath, not wanting to load too much on him at once, “It’s just… I don’t know, he’s been acting different for the past few months and I’ve only really noticed it now,” you say hoping that Jimin will have some answers for you.
“Hm, he’s said the same thing about you,” he laughs and you focused your full attention on him, ignoring the coffee.
“Really?” you pipe up.
“Yeah, all that kid does is talk about you,” he laughs taking a drink. You suddenly feel your cheeks blush a light pink.
“I just, need to know-“
“Know that… if he likes you or not? Or if he’s still just thinking about the sex?” he interrupts you with a blunt answer.
“Yeah..” you say slowly, honestly not believing that you are having this conversation with Jimin right now.
“I mean, it’s not really my place to tell you,” he shrugs, “But, he’s in pretty deep for you,” he says simply and your stomach drops, unsure if it was good or bad drop. “I know you two have had this whole friends with benefits situation for awhile, but feelings developing was bound to happen with one of you, if not both,” he says and your mouth goes dry knowing he is right.
“Why hasn’t he said anything?” you ask.
“If he hasn’t said anything, he’s probably just scared or intimidated,” Jimin says honestly, “You know [y/n], you’re the one girl he’s ever been with who has never wanted anything from and I think he likes that, he can just be himself around you,” he explains and you feel a weird fluttery feeling form in your stomach. “Just curious, do you like him?” he asks.
“Yes,” you say without hesitation, “Wait, well, yes but… I don’t know,” you say in defeat. “It’s just so confusing and it scares me because of who he is,” you say truthfully.
“Not to put pressure on you, but I think you really should just talk this out with him, I know it may be weird but you both can’t keep pulling each other around,” Jimin says and you nod your head slowly, completely understanding where he is coming from.
You feel your body relax as you take a deep breath, “Thanks Jimin,” you give him a small smile before the two of you raise your cups to finish drinking the sweet coffee.
“Jeon stop it!” you screech, “I swear to god if you don’t stop!” you try your best to push his hands off of you since he refuses to stop tickling you.
“What are you gonna do about it?” he threatens, stopping momentarily.
“I will hit you where it hurts the most,” you say.
“You wouldn’t,” he mutters and before he has a chance to start tickling you again, you bring you hand down to his precious cargo barely missing it before he yelps backing up. “Okay…you would, note taken,” he says shaking his head backing away from you.
You two had consumed one too many bottles of soju, but hey it is a Saturday night and Jeongguk and the boys had the day off. Jimin had went off with one of the other guys Taehyung earlier so he had no idea the trouble you and Jeongguk were getting in at the moment. You had yet to talk to Jeongguk like Jimin said, but you were going to get to it eventually. You just weren’t sure if you were ready to hear Jeongguk’s story yet.
“Are you drunk yet?” you mumble to Jeongguk who gives you a dopey smile.
“I’m on the way there,” he says with a laugh.
“Me too…” you giggle, “More beer!” you then exclaim reaching forward opening another soju for you and him to share.
The two of you pass the beer back and forth until its contents are empty and before you know it, you find yourself leaning onto Jeongguk’s shoulder, his arm instinctively wrapping around you.
“I have a question,” he mutters and you mumble a ‘hm’ in response, “Were you really that drunk the first night we met?”
“That was so long ago,” you say quietly, “I don’t remember it really,” you say as the alcohol was beginning to catch up with you.
“I remember everything,” Jeongguk says suddenly and you shift in his grip. You glance up to him to find his doe eyes staring back at you.
Before you have a chance to answer him, he closes the small gap between the two of you, his lips finding yours naturally. You move your body to be more comfortable as you kiss him back gently, his hands resting on your neck and jaw pulling you closer to him. The alcohol in your system fuels the fire in your stomach, however you still are not drunk enough to give into him. You can’t do this to him. So you pull away, or at least try because Jeongguk’s grip only gets stronger when you try to pull away. You put your hands on his chest pushing away harshly from him again breaking the kiss.
“Stop pushing me away,” he interrupts, his eyes searching yours desperately.
“W-what?” you stutter.
“Stop pushing me away,” he repeats, his grip on your waist tightening as every second goes by.
“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about?” you say watching as his eyes become darker and darker, almost like he is angry.
“Yes you do,” his teeth grit, “Do you not see it?”
“See what Jeongguk?” you say blindly and you feel like if you were completely sober you would know what was going on. However, deep down you did know exactly what he was talking about.
“Do you not see me? I’m trying so hard and all you’ve done is push me away,” he says with strain to his voice, his fingertips digging into your sides but you try your best to ignore the pain.
“Jeongguk why are you talking about this now? Can’t this wait-“
“No it can’t!” he interjects you with anger, “I want you so bad [y/n] and you can’t even see it,” he then sounds defeated and you feel yourself instantly sober up. The words you were dreading to hear, finally admitted. Your stomach drops.
“Your drunk Jeongguk, don’t say that,” you say trying to make up an excuse for yourself so you don’t have to face this.
“I am not,” he shoots, “[y/n], I know we met and had this plan but I couldn’t help it, every time I look at you I fall even deeper than before, I want to be with you, I’ve never wanted anyone to myself this bad before-“
“Jeongguk I-I can’t,” you shake you head trying to back off of him but his strength refuses you to.
“Please [y/n],” he pleads, “Give me one chance to prove it to you.”
You swallow harshly looking away from him for a moment, leaning into his body. You don’t know what he meant by prove it to you but with the alcohol in your system, much like the first night you two had together, you give into him, kissing him passionately.
Minutes pass and you don’t know when it happens but you two find yourself in his bedroom, now an all too familiar sight to you. The kisses you two share are heated, but they are also slow and sweet, his arms wrapping around you tightly. It felt like it had been so long since you two had been intimate together and the more you kiss, each clothing item being stripped, the more you realize how much you loved it.
He knew exactly how to work your body and give you what you needed. Seconds go by and turn into minutes quickly, everything turning into a blur. The two of you had never been intimate in this way before; gentle, slow, and loving. You and Jeongguk felt like the only two people in the world as each gasp and moan that comes out of the both of you heightens all of the emotions shared. With each thrust, Jeongguk holds onto you tighter and tighter like this would ever be the last time. Both of you reach your highs and you whisper his name to him repeatedly, holding him close to you, sweat the only barrier between you two.
A few minutes later, your head is resting on his chest, his arm holding on your waist tightly. Not many words are exchanged, but the breathing in the room is enough noise for the two of you. When you feel sleep starting to take over your body, Jeongguk nudges you.
“[y/n],” he whispers. “Hm,” you mumble closing your eyes, drawing patterns on his chest with your nails.
“I think I’m in love with you,” he says and you feel your heart stop, your face becomes red, and your stomach flips.
“You don’t have to say anything,” he says.
So, you don’t. You hold onto him and suddenly feel the smallest tears form in your eyes. The tears are not from sadness, but they’re from how you have no idea if you can return the love that this man deserves.
It is around 6 AM when you hear the front door to Jeongguk’s apartment opening and you assume it is Jimin. You also realize that you need to go. You cannot wake up with Jeongguk this morning. The shame will just break your heart even further. Carefully and quietly, you push yourself away from his body and you manage to do so without waking him.
You gather your clothing successfully before you give him one last glance, you leave his room, closing his door quietly. It will be the first time one of you walked out on one another.
Unexpectedly, you run into Jimin in the kitchen on your way out.
“[y/n]? What are you doing?” he asks. “You’re not leaving are you?”
“Don’t tell him you saw me, please,” you say quietly. “I need time Jimin,” you say and he nods, knowing exactly what you are talking about.
With that, you leave their apartment and you leave Jeongguk alone.
A couple hours later Jeongguk wakes up alone. He slightly panics when you are not beside of him and he immediately gets up throwing on a pair of sweatpants, hoping you are out in the kitchen or something.
Jeongguk is disappointed when you are nowhere to be found.
“Jimin-hyung,” he calls and soon Jimin appears.
“What?” Jimin mumbles trying to shake off the sleep and the rough night he had with Taehyung at a bar.
“Where’s [y/n]?” Jeongguk asks quickly.
Jimin shrugs, “I’d figure she was with you,” he replies (lies) quickly. As much as Jeongguk wants to believe his hyung; the way he is so calm is peculiar.
“Jimin,” he says again, “Where is she?” he pushes and Jimin relaxes, letting out a breath. As much as Jimin liked you, Jeongguk basically was his little brother; he couldn’t hide anything from him.
“She left around 6, I ran into her when I got home,” Jimin says.
What the fuck, Jeongguk curses to himself. “Fuck,” he mutters out loud this time.
“What happened to you two last night, she never leaves,” Jimin inquires, although he already knows some of the story.
“I confessed Jimin-hyung,” Jeongguk breathes out, “We were drinking and it just came out,” he says. Jimin stares at him for moment, shocked.
“Did she say anything?” Jimin asks.
“Not really,” Jeongguk shakes his head, “Seeing that she left, I guess I didn’t need much of an answer.”
“Jeongguk, you need to talk to her,” Jimin says, “She’s stubborn we both know that. If she didn’t like you back, she wouldn’t have stayed around for the past eight months,” he continues, his words making sense to Jeongguk, but he was still uneasy.
“Jimin I don’t know,” he shakes his head running a hand through his hair, irritation building up in him.
“Just go talk to her, I’m sure she’s at her apartment, you two can work this out,” Jimin comes closer to Jeongguk giving him a pat on the back, “Besides Jeongguk, you pretty much always get whatever you set your mind to,” Jimin gives him words of encouragement, making Jeongguk smile.
“Thanks Jimin-hyung,” Jeongguk says, hoping that Jimin is for once, right.
“Where is [y/n]?” Jeongguk asks, when to his disappointment Jihyun opened the door to the apartment.
“What did you do to her?” Jihyun retorts with a sassy attitude.
“What?” Jeongguk says with a confused face, “Nothing.. I just need to talk to her,” he continues.
“You obviously did something because she showed up here crying at the ass crack of dawn,” she snaps and Jeongguk’s stomach drops. Crying?
“Jihyun, please I just need to talk to her,” Jeongguk pleads with your roommate and she rolls her eyes.
“She’s outside in the courtyard, but I swear if you do anything funny I’ll kill you,” Jihyun threatens seriously and Jeongguk nods quickly obliging. Jihyun shuts the door and Jeonggul quickly makes his way out to the courtyard of the apartments you and Jihyun lived in.
The complex was basically a square open in the middle which contained a courtyard and a pool for the warmer months.
Jeongguk looks around quickly, being able to spot you as there were very few people outside due to the chilly weather. He walks over to you slowly, not sure how to approach the situation.
“[y/n],” he speaks and you whip around startled from his deep voice. You look up to find Jeongguk wearing a hat but no mask, something that surprises you.
“Hi Jeongguk,” you reply weakly looking back around to the piece of paper you were current doodling on.
“You draw?” Jeongguk inquires when he peeps his head around you to look at the picture of two birds you had drawn.
“Not much anymore, just when I have time,” you explain, not looking over to him once he sits down beside of you.
You were comfortable with Jeongguk being with you, however you were not comfortable with what you needed to talk about, but you knew you had to say what you had to say.
“Sorry I left this morning,” you mumble, shading in the birds body with a red color.
“Why’d you leave?” his question isn’t a surprise to you.
“Did you really mean what you said, last night?” you say putting down the colored pencil to finally look at him.
Jeongguk looks deep into your eyes, “Yes,” he replies without hesitation. “I know, its the cliche, we become friends with benefits and I end up falling too damn hard for you,” he laughs, “I know last night probably came out of nowhere but I had been wanting to say it for six months now. I had been keeping that to myself for so long, I just needed you to know it,” he says.
“Jeongguk..” you say slowly.
“I just want you to know that if you don’t feel the same way as me, it’s okay. I can understand why you would want to move on-“
“Jeongguk stop,” you interrupt him and he glances back up to you. “You are who you are and nothing can change that, your life… is intimidating and honestly, I’m just scared that I wouldn’t be enough for you, I can’t give you everything you deserve-“
“[y/n], shit you are enough for me,” he breathes out, “Don’t even talk like that,” he shakes his head. “I wouldn’t have told you I loved you if I didn’t think that,” he says matter-of-factly.
His words make your heart flutter, in a good way. You give him a small smile before you lean in and give him a slow kiss, something he was not expecting from you.
“I drew these birds,” you start as you pull away from him, “Because I’ve always had some weird envy against them, they’re just so free and don’t have any burdens,” you say. Jeongguk looks at you with a curious look. “That’s what I want us to be,” you then say glancing over to him, “That’s what love should be right? Free,” you say with a smile.
Jeongguk suddenly looks physically relaxed and a smile grows on his face. One in motion, he picks up you from your spot and holds you up closely to him, your legs wrapping around his waist. He places a rapid kiss against your mouth adjusting his strong grip on your body.
“Promise me one thing Jeongguk,” you speak slowly as you pull away from him, playing with the hairs along the back of his neck.
“Anything,” he fires back quickly.
“Promise that you’ll always be there for me,” you say, “And that you’ll continue to protect me from.. your world,” you say, not really sure how to describe it.
“Of course, I promise I won’t let anything happen to you,” he smiles giving you one last peck, “I love you [y/n],” he says.
“I love you too Jeongguk,” the words leave your mouth naturally and no matter how much fire you two are playing with, one thing is for sure; you two will always have each other to fall back on.