can you like briefly describe some signs of emotional abuse... like i've read a lot of articles on it but i feel like they are spittng bs at me if that makes sense?? idk
that makes sense, i know the feeling.
the thing about emotional abuse is that it doesn’t take just one form, it can range from complete and repeated neglect of another person’s feelings to straight up manipulation and verbal lambasting. that’s the most insidious thing about it, it’s very hard to pinpoint. because it’s so wide-ranging, it’s hard to accept that you are or have been emotionally abused. in most cases, if you feel like you are being abused by someone, you most likely are. once it gets to the point where you feel like you can use the word ‘abuse’, even if it feels so so heavy, you’re probably there.
i think that if a person is neglecting your feelings, not taking them into account when/if you bring them up, continually doing things that hurt you even when you bring up to them that it hurts you, and making you feel wrong/crazy/irrational when you bring them up, that’s emotional abuse. if the person somehow always seems to make you feel wrong or guilty/they turn it back around on you when you bring up what they’re doing that’s hurting you,that’s manipulation, and that’s emotional abuse. you’ll most likely stop bringing up to them things that hurt you because you know it’s going to be spun back around to make you feel guilty.
if, in your relationship (whether it’s romantic, platonic, or familial), you constantly feel like you are being drained of emotion/energy or being used for constant emotional labor without the person doing anything in return for you, that’s emotional abuse. relationships are about mutual giving and taking. if you are constanty giving and they ate takiny and taking, they’re taking advantage of you, they know they are, and they often don’t feel bad or guilty about it at all. they will continue to take and take from you because they know that they can. that’s emotional abuse.
if you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around this person, if you feel like this person is isolating you from everyone else, if you feel like this person is tearing you down, if you feel like this person is not supporting you the way that you support them, if you feel like this person is completely disregarding your feelings all the time, that’s emotional abuse. and it may come in the form of something like “well, i lied to you/did this because i didn’t want to hurt or upset you, because i knew you’d be upset” which is a way that abusers try to paint themselves as the good guy when they’re hurting you. it makes you, the victim, feel bad and guilty and like you have no right to be upset, even though you absolutely do. they absolve themselves of guilt that way to make themselves feel better, not you, and that’s not fair, and they really don’t care about your feelings.
a common misconception about emotional abuse is that is has to be intentional on the abuser’s part, which isn’t always true. someone can be abusing you without even realizing they’re doing it because they’re so caught up in their own needs that they fail to realize that they’re abusing, taking advantage of, and manipulating you. that doesn’t mean it isn’t abuse; in fact, it shows that they care so little about your feelings that they don’t even realize what they’re doing, and that’s fucked up. (http://thexfiles.tumblr.com/post/157356728735/the-insidious-power-of-abuse-is-that-it-comes-from)
i know you asked for a short response, so i’m sorry that this is so long and scatterbrained. i’m in class and i can’t sit down and formulate a cogent response, but i’m incredibly passionate about this and wanted to respond as soon as i could.
here are some additional links about emotional abuse that i’ve found particularly helpful:
take care. 💛