and the rest because i'm on break and don't have time to tag everyone

anonymous asked:

Hey, do you know of any fics with trans Remus or Sirius, or just any trans characters in general. Preferably more happy ones, I just got putted to my parents as trans and I'm feeling kinda shitty right now. It's fine if you don't know of any

Oh jeez, it really sucks that you got outed…outing anyone else is just such a shitty thing to do. I hope things get better for you– you’re awesome and strong and I know you can do this, even though it’s hard and it doesn’t feel good right now.

But anyway, yes, I can absolutely provide you with some trans!wolfstar recs! I’ve recently updated my trans!Sirius reclist and my non-binary!Sirius reclist, and for tumblr posts I have a trans!Remus tag, a trans!Sirius tag, and a non-binary!Sirius tag. And for non-wolfstar I only have a small list of trans!Lily fics but if you request other HP characters I’ll see what I can do. All that’s left is trans!Remus fics, so here you go! 

Notes: There are actually so. many. FANTASTIC trans!Remus fics that I’ve had to break them up into “Definitely read” (my faves) and “Also check out” but honestly all of them are fabulous & worth reading. I’ve tried to make this a fairly comprehensive list of trans!Remus wolfstar fics, but I’ve done my best to mark angsty fics & list warnings so that you can decide whether or not to read them.

All fics feature transmale!Remus unless noted specifically that the fic contains transfemale!Remus.

Updated 27 July 2017 to fix the links tumblr apparently broke.

Trans!Remus fics

Definitely read:

  • *TransFigured by picascribit– 26k, E, mwpp era. “We thought you might be a werewolf,” said Sirius. “What?” Remus almost laughed at the absurdity….“I know. All I meant was, we thought you might be, and we still wanted to be friends. Whatever you’re not telling us — how much worse can it be?“” Fantastic fic but beware of angst, esp. in the beginning. TW: suicide attempt, transphobia, bullying, dysphoria. [Sequel: TransLate– 5k, M, mwpp era. Accidental pregnancy.]
  • *I’ll paint a mural of your smile by david8– 33k, T, non-magic/coffee shop AU. “…it doesn’t take Sirius long to sense something different about Remus…And soon, even Remus understands that not everything is as it should be with the seemingly happy, extroverted and flirtatious rich guy…” Also with bipolar, non-binary Sirius. Some angst related to mental illness.
  • *I just didn’t know it yet. by genderisasocialconstruct– 1k, G, MWPP era & post-Hogwarts. “Sirius comes to realise that the time waiting for his soulmate was well worth the wait.” Soulmate AU. Super super cute. Fluff. 
  • *Queer As Day by philiatran– WIP~ 24k, T, non-magic/university AU. “Sirius Black…has two things. 1. A penchant for photography. and 2. A tumblr blog dedicated to picture after picture of Remus Lupin.” Everyone is queer and it is fabulous. Some angst regarding friendships, as well as several clearly-marked triggers, esp. TW: dysphoria, transphobia, past suicide attempt, depression. [fic missing from Ao3]
  • Long Distance by irrationalmoony & LadyAmina– WIP~ 21k, E, non-magic/university AU. “James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter have been inseparable since…their first day at Hogwarts boarding school. So when Remus relocates to France for further schooling…they’re not going to let the distance stop them…” Texting fic, also with genderfluid!Sirius. Fluff.
  • *Succession of Halos by LadyFaceElena– 7k, G, non-magic AU. “When Remus gets talked into seeing his favourite author–Astronomy Professor S. Black–hold a stargazing lecture, he…does not expect the ripped jeans and rolling-stones t-shirt wearing, motor-bike riding Sirius Black….” Also has genderfluid!Sirius.
  • Forbidden by LadyFaceElena– 12k, G, non-magic/university AU. “...Lily and Marlene decide to make a video in response to Israel’s banned book about a Jewish and Arab romance…Artist Sirius Black reluctantly agrees to participate…having no idea he’s on the path to finding love…” Also has genderfluid!Sirius. Contains discussions of family issues & oppression but not overly angsty.
  • *All Hail the Outlaws by LadyFaceElena– 29k, E, non-magic/university AU. “One of Remus Lupin’s three jobs happens to be working maintenance for their flat building…James Potter and Sirius Black move in across the hall…the pair set out to make their neighbours new best friends, and everyone’s life is turned upside down, but in the best way possible.” Some mentions of transphobia & misgendering but mostly fluff.
  • Boys by oliverdalstonbrowning– 3k, G, mwpp era. “Remus doubts himself and Sirius plays Space Oddity.” So much fluff. Remus has some dysphoria in this but really it’s just so fluffy.
  • The Hands and the Heart by oliverdalstonbrowning–3k, T, mwpp era. “Dysphoria is the hardest struggle Remus has ever faced, but Sirius is determined to show him the hands and the heart of his situation. [TW: Gender Dysphoria, self-harm, brief alcohol mention.]” Definitely angsty but oh-so-sweet.
  • No Understanding no Sound from Above by kyuuketsukirui– 2k, M, multiple eras. “Remus has a secret that has nothing to do with the full moon.” Closeted transfemale!Remus. Beautiful writing but very sad– lots of internal and external angst due to canon timeline, no happy ending. 
  • ennui by elliotasterion– WIP~ 12k, M, magic AU set after PoA. “Sirius is cleared of all charges after the events of Prisoner of Azkaban, but Peter escapes anyway. Remus and Sirius have to find a way to come together all over again, while keeping Harry out of trouble. (Not a raising-Harry fic.)” Feels very real, quite well-written. Some angst, mostly related to Sirius’s mental health issues & canon events but also a couple transphobic remarks.
  • *Semi-Automatic by destielspancake– WIP~ 68k, T, non-magic/texting AU. Remus and Sirius start texting because of a wrong number. Lots of fun & jokes but also angst– do heed the warnings, esp. TW: dysphoria, self-harm, and references to past suicide attempts and rape.
  • secrets were made to be known by atlaspeaks– 3k, M, mwpp era. “Remus has always had secrets. He’s gotten used to having them - and even more so, used to having them found out.” Lovely & fluffy apart from brief section in which Remus is outed without his consent.

Also check out (below the cut):

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

sometimes i think about what could have made me like sc*tt. like. s1&s2 sc*tt definitely had his faults- esp. wrt his treatment of derek- but i think he definitely could have developed as a person from there and had a rly interesting character arc? like real personal growth and shit. it gets harder after master plan. is there a way that episode could have gone down the way it did and still made him a likable character after that? is there any apology he could give that would suffice?

cont. - like im not sure of the answer, but id love to see someone manage it. i don’t know if ive ever come across a fic that manages to redeem him from that moment while still acknowledging it. most fics either dont forgive him for it or they just sort of ignore it. for me tho, i think the real breaking point for sc*tt is the true alpha storyline. after that i don’t think there was anything they could have done for him to make him an interesting or likeable character. that storyline ruined it.

I think one of the biggest places where people take issue with Scott –– and this doesn’t mean they hate him or he’s a horrible human being (although some people feel that way too, and are entitled to it), but where many people see Scott falling short as a character is in that the show seems to have decided that “main character” or “hero” should mean perfect, and that’s just… that’s not good for character development, for plot building, or honestly, for a character’s likability.

Characters need to grow to be engaging. And people grow by making mistakes, learning from them, and moving forward. Scott’s mistakes, his flaws as a human being (and yes, he has flaws, everyone does, that’s not character assassination, that’s just fact) are really never addressed. He isn’t made to apologize for the things he does wrong (and why should he, honestly, since no one around him recognizes his problematic behaviors and calls him out on them) or face any apparent payment for them. This compared to the rest of the characters in the series, who are called out on their mistakes –– either by other characters or by consequences in canon. I always use Derek as a comparison, because there are a lot of straightforward parallels, such as the key moments with Isaac. Derek throws a glass at Isaac to get him to leave the loft. We know that’s an absolutely shitty thing to do, it reads immediately on both Isaac and Derek’s faces, and as consequence Derek loses Isaac as a pack member. That’s some hardcore, immediate reaction showing people in the scene and in the audience that This Was Not An Ok Thing To Do. The fact that Derek knew it wasn’t ok as he was doing it, and that he did it on purpose to get Isaac to leave for his own safety, does not make the behavior alright, and Derek acknowledges and pays for that behavior in the permanent loss of Isaac as a housemate and pack member.

When Scott, a short time later, throws Isaac into a wall in a moment of jealousy, it should, on the surface, seem to strike a fairly close parallel. We have Isaac’s Alpha, someone in a position of power over him, physically lashing out at him in some way. But in this instance, neither Scott nor Isaac react much to it, Isaac continues to go on living in Scott’s house and remaining a member of his pack, and there is just… no real follow up to that moment. And while I understand how that can lead some viewers to dismiss the moments as not being parallel (Isaac wasn’t upset there, so clearly Scott’s behavior is acceptable), what I and many viewers are instead left with is the message that Derek lashing out is unexpected and unacceptable, Scott lashing out is expected and acceptable, and that makes him… more heroic?

In season five I believe there finally was a moment between Stiles and Scott where Scott seemed to be being called out on his behavior, but even that came off as very “I’m flawed and you can’t understand that because you’re perfect,” which is… it’s how Scott sees himself, and it’s how the writers seem to see him, but A) that fails to acknowledge the ways in which he is flawed –– meaning that he can’t learn from and improve upon those flaws –– and B) makes for an incredibly un-engaging character. How can we identify with perfection? How can we root for perfection? And how can we fully get on board with someone we are told is perfect, when we can look at them and point out a dozen instances where they weren’t?

This is my major issue with Scott’s character. That we are told he is perfect when we see he isn’t, that he has a double standard of being excused from all of his bad behaviors when the characters around him aren’t, and I do think this connects very much to the True Alpha problem (I got another ask about my thoughts on that so I’ll answer that in more detail separately), because it’s just another level of saying “Scott is a better man, werewolf, and person in general than everyone else.”

Ok, now after all of that, how do I think Scott could have been improved and made more likable for many critical viewers? To be honest, for me it would have been really simple. Include moments where he apologizes for things. That’s… really, honestly, all I would have needed. Because like I said, I’m not looking for perfect characters. Scott acknowledging that he screwed up now and again would make me ecstatic because it would mean that he’s learning and growing and is trying to become better, and that makes for an amazing character arc in any show. If Scott had done the exact same thing in “Master Plan,” except when Derek asked why Scott didn’t tell him Scott had said “I’m sorry… I was afraid if I told anyone then Gerard would find out my plan. And I couldn’t risk that, my mom was in danger” then bam. I would have had a complete turnaround on my attitude toward him in that moment. He would have been humanized, we would have seen that he was in a tough situation, and he would have become more sympathetic by sympathizing with the shitty thing he’d done to Derek. Honestly, that simple.

Her Favorite Criminal:Chapter 3

Her jacket was on his couch in a messy heap. She had tossed it there carelessly minutes earlier along with her holster. She wouldn’t need it now. Kagami’s hands were on her shoulders, rubbing circles into her flesh, tracing the pattern of her muscles further down her back.

Sakura felt the sight leave her lips before she knew what she was doing. She bit back the moan and closed her eyes, content to let her former partner use his hands on her body however he saw fit. She trusted him for this, even as his hands edged deeper and deeper.

Her teeth locked onto her lower lip and stayed there, holding back the moan she wanted to let go. This was all she wanted. No more reports, no more work, just…fun.

“That’s enough uncle, you’re making it gross.”

Kagami looked up from Sakura’s back and smirked. “You’re jealous you don’t get these anymore, or do you wish you were the one who actually knew how to perform a halfway decent massage on our favorite Sakura blossom.”

Sakura looked up from her folded arms and glared over her shoulder at Kagami. “Who said you could stop? I still have knots.”

“As you wish, princess,” the older Uchiha laughed before kissing the back of her head.

Shisui scowled, but made room on a spare chair for himself as he resolved to stay with Sakura while his uncle teased him mercilessly. It was so easy to misinterpret those sounds she made from his office and it drove him insane if left up to his imagination.

“You shouldn’t even still be here, Sakura,” Shisui began, convinced to not make his presence in her room weird. “You’ve been working double shifts with Sasuke, boy wonder, just because he has issues compensating for something.”

Sakura didn’t look up from her arms when she replied. “I don’t mind.”

“I mind. Does he not care what he’s doing to your health?”

“Shisui, I’m on the police force, my health is not a primary concern, otherwise I would have been a secretary.”

Kagami made a dismissive sound behind her as he found a knot and worked it over. Sakura bit her lip and kept her head down as the pressure turned nearly uncomfortable.

“My most favorite nephew is right, you’re overworked. And I know you don’t want anyone taking it easy on you because you are a girl, there’s only so much you can do with a human body, regardless of sex or gender. You’re going to need a break sooner or later.”

“Are you lecturing Sasuke like this?”

Shisui snorted. “No one here cares about that prick enough. We’re happy enough to let him learn the hard way the importance of taking a rest every now and then. I just don’t want to see him drag you down with him. I think even Itachi would kill him if you got hurt because of Sasuke’s stubbornness.”

“I’m resting and relaxing now, aren’t I?”

Kagami huffed angrily, pausing in his work. “A ten minute tune up with me is no such thing. I’m not even using any of my oils or proper treatments. You said you wanted something quick.”

“We’re getting briefed at noon.”

“You just got off the night owl shift.”

Sakura yawned into her arms before looking up at Shisui’s shocked expression. “Don’t look so surprised. I’ve known you to pull a triple every now and then. Besides, after the brief I’m heading home as soon as Obito gives his presentation.”  

“Speaking of Sasuke…where is he?” Kagami asked.

Sakura murmured something that sounded like ‘I don’t know’ into her arms before lifting her head. “It’s my time to summarize a brief for our team. He went home.”

“What the fuck is wrong with him?” Shisui hissed, nearly standing up in his anger. “How does he rate? You were both at the last briefing.”

“Yeah, it was his turn, but it was about a case I was angling so I wanted to be there to hear it for myself. He takes the worst notes.”

“So, because he does a shit job you end up covering extra slack,” Shisui dryly summarized, looking ready to throttle his younger cousin the next time they met.

There were few people that could get Shisui so genuinely annoyed as quickly as Sasuke Uchiha. Not only was he a pretentious child that annoyed Shisui whenever he came over to play with Itachi, but Sasuke also had the stupidly good fortune of securing Sakura freaking Haruno as a partner.

The fact that she had feelings for him was little less than secret as far as eligible Uchiha men were concerned. The fact that Sasuke didn’t return the feelings made a lot of other Uchiha feel like Sasuke was making a waste out of his good fate. Shisui was inclined to think something more along the lines of it all being fine in the end. It was Sasuke’s choice, and his decision to squander the girl’s affection did nothing but make it easier for someone else to come in and look impressive. 

Since last year’s undercover wedding operation it seemed like any potential romance between the two of them was improbable and Shisui felt inclined to not encourage Sakura’s feelings any more if Sasuke passed up on indulging her. Thankfully, Sakura seemed to recover with time.

Sasuke did a lot of annoying things, but the worst was how little he seemed to notice Sakura’s needs or value the contributions he took for granted from her. He even forgot her birthday last year. They had been practically raised together and he still missed her birthday.

“If you need to, you could always partner up with me again,” Kagami chuckled. “I’m sure Obito wouldn’t mind the extra company.”

“How is Obito doing? I haven’t seen him recently. If you think I’m burning the candle at both ends you need to take a second look at that guy.”

“Hmm, one of his informants, a PI has been having some pretty nasty breaks. Great for us, terrible for the PI and his six recovering gunshot wounds.”

Sakura hissed, reminding herself to send flowers to Kakashi. The old goat refused to die, but she worried nevertheless. Being a former officer, he was a quick wit with minor difficulties in respecting chains of authority. The PI gig was pretty recent.

“Who’s in the hallway?” Sakura mumbled.

Kagami paused on her back and Shisui sat up, hearing the running feet as well. Seconds later one of the younger officers staggered in. “The briefing just got moved up, there’s been a development!”

“What sort?” Shisui asked, already standing.

The younger officer stammered before reaching into his pocket and pulling out the crumpled sticky note. “Something about a Kabuto sighting.”

Kagami felt Sakura jerk under him and wanted nothing more than to force her down and make her sleep, because he knew once she heard that name there was nothing that could hold her back. He held onto her as she sat up and glared like some mythic demon.

“Where?” she demanded in a low growl.


Sakura pushed Kagami off and reached for her holster and jacket. There was no way she was going to rest now that she’s heard that name.

Keep reading

lil-miss-banana  asked:

break me with some angsty locklyle because I'm a horrible person

NO YOU ARE A LOVELY PERSON DON’T SAY THAT (Also, a patient person, because this has taken eighty years to write, so thanks for putting up with that. Now, onto the show!

Anthony Lockwood is nothing, if not always in control.

Well, usually always in control.

Which is why he’s terrified out of his wits waking up from a disastrous nightmare, gasping for air like a drowning man, the echoes of the dream ringing like bells in his mind. Those moments are purely chaotic. He sits upright in his bed, hand pressed to his heaving chest, trying to return his breathing and the reeling world around him to normal.

He’s nowhere close to regaining control when the door to his room flies open. There’s Lucy, standing a safe distance away from him, saying his name, but not the usual one. The other one.

Anthony. And it’s buried in a flurry of other words, like just breathe and you’re going to be alright.

It takes some time, but his breathing slows. All around him, everything starts making sense again. Except for one thing: Lucy Carlyle sitting side-saddle on the edge of his bed. That doesn’t make much sense to him.

“What are you doing awake?” he croaks. His throat feels like he chugged acid, and the churning state of his stomach makes matters worse.

“Anthony, you were screaming bloody-murder,” explains Lucy. “I’d be surprised if George and the rest of the neighborhood aren’t awake too.” Anthony. There it is again.

“Nightmare,” is all he says. His hoarse voice cracks, and he coughs, which makes it even worse. Lucy frowns and gets up from her perch.

“I’ll get you some tea.”

When she comes back, Lucy hands him his tea. He nods gratefully and thanks her, the warmth seeping into his bloodstream.

There’s an awkward silence then that’s occupied by Lucy running her hands over the fleece blanket, avoiding eye contact while Lockwood sips his tea gingerly.

It’s nearly pitch-black in his room, the only light bleeding in from Lucy’s room. But even then, Lockwood can just faintly make out Lucy’s profile: the strong jaw, long nose, and perpetually-pouting mouth. Not pretty, but certainly interesting to look at. But that’s not the reason why his heart’s racing.

It has more to do with the fact that he’s still shaken by the nightmare than because the girl he’s loved for the last year or so is sitting on his bed, but still. There she is. Dauntless, clever, remarkable Lucy, who he knew he would never be able to shake from his bones the minute he pulled her back from the mouth of the well at Combe Carey. Anthony Lockwood knows nothing for certain about his future but one thing: if he dies at seventeen or at seventy, he will never be free of her.

And still. There she is. Sitting on his bed, fidgeting awkwardly in the dense silence. There she is, Lucy Joan Carlyle.

And he loves her.

“Well,” she begins, shattering the silence.“If you’re all set, Lockwood, I think I’ll go back to bed now. Need anything else?”


But he can’t say that. Not now, not when everything is already so complicated with the Orpheus Society and all these mad conspiracies. No, saying that would make matters worse. Maybe. Would it?

Oh, damn it all to hell.

“Forgive me, Luce, if you find this forward, but, you. Would you stay?” His voice cracks again, and he clears his throat. “That is, only if you’d be comfortable doing that. Only then.”

He might as well have just thrown up his dinner all over the front of her dressing gown, by the way she doesn’t react. He can’t quite see her face, but he can feel her wide-eyed stare on him. Stunned silence makes the air buzz with tension. Has he gone too far? No, of course he has! He was a fool to ever let those words see the light of day.

Lockwood’s near-panicked thoughts screech to a halt as Lucy plucks the mug of tea from his hands and sets it on the nightstand. She gestures in a shooing motion at Lockwood.

“Budge over,” she says. “I need some room.”

He complies. It’s a bit awkward at first, but soon Lucy’s pressed into his side, face buried in his shoulder and hand resting on his racing heart. He places his hand on her waist and takes a deep breath. This, he concludes, is high on the list of the most reckless acts he’s ever committed.

They whisper good night to each other before sleep overcomes them, taking Lucy out before Lockwood, who spends a good period of time boring holes into the ceiling, thinking so much but so little at the same time. Then, finally, he falls asleep,  and when he does, he rests more soundly than he has in years. 

anonymous asked:

I'm just really confused by something. Everyone says Theon's arc is about finding his identity. I just...he comes out of this he's terribly mutilated and traumatized for life. Even if he stops trying to pretend to be something he's not and admits what he cares about I just don't understand how he can find himself when so much of his limited options are no longer even possible anymore. It just doesn't make sense to me.

OKAY I’M FINALLY HERE *rubs hands* (first thank you for asking this because it means I get to post a bunch of me ranting about Theon in the tag therefore adding something in the midst of dick in a box jokes) (also this post is LONG sorry)

That said: see, the thing is that… he has found himself already. Sort of. And it’s vastly improvable, of course, but as he is and for how the story’s being set up, I think he has more options than it looks like. Wait I’m just gonna break it down.

  • So, the thing is that Theon’s arc is already presented like that technically - all the chapters in ACOK are titled Theon, so that’s who he is, and then in ADWD you have one with that title, the others are all obviously all the personality changes he undergoes through until he finally gets at the end, and count that it basically goes backwards from the ACOK arc. Like, it was incblackbird who noticed it a while ago in the tag somewhere - if you look at the story progression, in ACOK Theon does go from Theon to turncloak to prince in Winterfell to Reek pretty much, while in ADWD it’s the contrary - he starts Reek, goes through all the others backwards and comes back to Theon. So it is about someone finding his identity. And I’m not saying reclaiming for a reason.
  • Which would be: Theon-in-ACOK thinks he knows who he is and that he has it all figured out. He’s Theon Greyjoy who’s also the heir to the islands and an ironborn and he’s also Robb Stark’s bff for the ages and he’s Ned Stark’s ward even if he doesn’t want to really acknowledge that and he thinks he’s done with it. Then since he can’t be both, which is what basically this whole mess stems for, he ends up taking his shitty decisions that bring him to the Reek point, but all of that is basically built on the fact that he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing half of the time. And I say it with all the love in the world of course, but - like, he wants to be an ironborn and then he conquers a castle that he wants to rule like Eddard Stark insofar as doing shit that ironborns would never do like killing the men who raped/tried to rape the women in Winterfell. And that’s because he wants approval and clearly he doesn’t get it because to the northerners it’s the proof that he’s just a thieving ironborn like all the rest and the ironborn think he’s too soft and the north ruined him and shit. He’s pretty much a mess mostly because of that, and count that he’s really fixated on his heritage/on having an heritage at all. As in, if he can’t be prince of the iron islands then he should damn well be prince of Winterfell and so on. In short: this dude is confused as fuck though it’s not all his fault - it’s pretty much the natural consequence of his upbringing - and he gets shit wrong regardless because he behaves the way he thinks he should according to whichever role he’s playing/whatever he thinks he’s supposed to be doing according to his role at that moment. 
  • Tldr: he thinks he knows who he is, he knows nothing. Ygritte would have had a field day.
  • Meanwhile, while he’s Reek, in theory he’s stripped down of everything that made him himself. And sure he’s traumatized for life and he’s mutilated and everything you said, but the thing is that I think one of that entire storyline’s points is showing that he’s actually made of stronger stuff than pretty much everyone in those books.
  • Case in point: even when he’s Reek, he has to come up with the rhyming thing to remember that he’s supposed to be Reek. Like, it’s so fundamentally wrong to him that he can’t fully buy into it even then and so he comes up with the rhyming thing - count that Ramsay never mentions it and that the more ADWD goes on the more the rhymes get ridiculous - I mean, until he says weak and freak and shit it’s all good, but leek? Cheek? It’s obvious he’s kinda grasping at straws there to find anything that will work. The moment he’s away from Ramsay (when he goes Moat Caitlin) he thinks about himself and Robb joking at Roose’s expense during war councils. He thinks of himself as Theon more progressively while the chapter advance the moment the Reek ones are done. And at random times he does shit that he might have done before - like, it’s mostly in the last chapter (which is titled Theon, no shit XD) but he sorta grins to himself when he realizes that the spearwives can’t kill him if they want their plan to succeed, then he goes like ‘if only I had any strength I’d wish I could fuck her against the table’ at the spearwife that looks wrong at him and shit. And if you look at the WoW chapter, other than thinking of himself as Theon at any given time, he sasses Stannis internally pretty damn often all things considered.
  • Tldr: he’s gone through a lot of shit, but he never really was completely fucked up to his core.
  • Also, core difference between last-chapter-of-ADWD-Theon and ACOK-Theon: in acok as stated he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s supposed to be because he had… too many conflicting options and he never could work it out for himself. ADWD is basically him working through most of his shit albeit in probably very unhealthy ways, but by the time he’s walking up the stairs to Jeyne’s room he’s pretty much realized that a) he did some bad stuff, b) that he’s sorry for what he did, c) that he went at things completely wrong, d) that his priorities were scrambled wrong, e) that he might have wanted to be a Stark but not because OMG I LOVE THE STARKS but because it was the closest thing to a home he ever had - he never says that he had one, f) he should have been with Robb.
  • Now, I went about the importance of the Robb thing a lot in the past so I’m just gonna leave links because no one wants me to rehash it again (here is a thing about the parallelism in their storylines and this about Robb seeing in him the person who’d rescue Jeyne Poole rather than the ass everyone else thought he was), so I’ll just do the tldr: the moment Theon realizes that he should have been with Robb all that time I think he kinda put two and two together and realized that it was what he, Theon, not the heir to the islands/turncloak/prince of Winterfell/etcetera, would have wanted. I also have complicated feelings about how Robb saw Theon and the fact that Theon probably never thought that good of himself deep down, but never mind that.
  • Though on that I should add one moment that - well, everything’s Theon ever wanted was validation from others and to be looked up at/seen as a worthy person. If we don’t count his mother (which we don’t really know about in depth), there’s exactly one person who was only too happy to give him that, aka Robb Stark, and we just established that Theon has just realized that he should have died with him, so… let’s just keep that in mind.
  • At this point, someone who’s thoroughly fucked up by the circumstances would probably just give it up, also considering that by this point he’s suicidal. And instead what is the first thing he does after putting two and two together? Right, he saves Jeyne’s life. And - that’s actually kinda hero/fairytale worth - I mean, he can barely even walk and nonetheless he has it in him to grab her, drag her to the roof and forward and when he realizes that it’s either risking death or going back to their abuser he jumps when he could as well have gone back and told Ramsay she had tried to escape and he caught her. That’s… hardly someone who’s broken down in the spirit, if we catch my meaning.
  • And, when he meets Asha and she goes like Theon?, he goes like yes my name is Theon. Not Theon Greyjoy or anything else. And he’s pretty damn sure about that. He knows perfectly where he’s standing at and the WoW chapter doesn’t really deny it imo - I mean, he kinda sounds unhinged at times but can you blame him XD
  • Now, context. It looks like he’s a hostage again and that Stannis is gonna kill him, but as I said other times, GRRM never kills off someone if he already told you he will. Also, Davos has been MIA since mid-ADWD. I’m gonna pay you money that he gets to Stannis’ camp with Rickon before the execution and at that point it’s gonna have to happen that people realize that Bran and Rickon weren’t dead, and so goes the only reason Stannis has to kill him himself, because he has no real title to do it otherwise. And as much as people say Jon might do it… people, he has bigger fish to fry. Like maybe that he’ll have to die, come back to life and come to terms with being Azor Ahai, but never mind me.
  • At that point Asha might try to make a deal or something, but I’m betting you money that he survives at least WoW.
  • Which means that there’s an entire book of storyline and possibly another one (I don’t think Theon’s dying at all for that matter). During which pretty much anything could happen, but… he’s not with Ramsay anymore and I HIGHLY doubt he ever will be again - he escaped on his own, he’s out, not even GRRM would be the kind of sadist to throw him there again especially after he put all that work in the ‘he escapes while doing an extremely selfless thing’ storyline. If Asha manages to make a deal he’d have relative freedom, and the fact that he’s not obliged to be anything that he was supposed to before might actually be good because if he doesn’t have to be his father’s heir or Robb’s friend or the Stark ward… then he actually could have enough freedom to realize what he actually wants. He probably doesn’t know yet and the thing about his SL is that I really hope it somehow is also about him trying to find that out.
  • Sure, proven that the white walkers don’t get there because I have no clue of what he’s supposed to do in the northern storyline tho if he’s there it has to be important, but.
  • That said, if he survives the war - which I think he will - then who stops him from actually looking around, seeing his options and take his decisions, especially since while he’s pretty damn bad off physically I think he’ll eventually be okay enough mentally. Not ever completely okay, but at some point he’s gonna get there somehow. Also let’s be real, GRRM is bad when it comes to realism - the way Theon is right now, he shouldn’t have been able to walk up the stairs without stopping every three steps, never mind running across the roof and throwing himself off it. Like, he’s missing at least four toes and it’s all the outer ones, try walking while curling them so you can’t use them and tell me it’s easy after ten steps. Irl it’d take him years to get back to a semblance of healthy, but if in fiction GRRM just goes like ‘he’s totally gonna go and use a bow again even if he lost all his muscle’ I’ll just roll my eyes and go on.
  • Anyway, I think he actually can have options the moment the war is done and since it looks like he’s coming back to himself all along and he has to a degree already found himself I don’t think he’s in a bad place for the arc to go forward at all. That said, it has to because you don’t bring someone at that point just to kill them off. If you do that kind of arc either the person somehow gets over their trauma and moves on to a degree and says fuck you to who put them there or you kill them long before this point, as the text is right now it would make no sense killing him off. (I think I ranted about it in the above link re why/how he would survive XD) So no, I don’t think he’s gone yet or that he can’t come back from it. It was beyond words horrid of course, but he never really went away in the first place - well, the core part that eventually came out during the last ADWD chapter that I was talking about before. So - I still think there’s a lot of ways it could go and they don’t necessarily have to be bad y’know.

… wow that was long. I hope it made any sense and that I actually covered the issue you were addressing, at some points I really just started rambling, lol.

anonymous asked:

I just started uni and I can't do it anymore it's too hard I haven't met a single person who seems like they could be my good friend none of them even seem to like me.. I'm already behind in work and I'm only 35th in the class.. But I can't leave or even tell anybody that I'm struggling because I've been told my whole life that uni is the best 4 years. If this is the best then I don't even want to try anymore. (Sorry I just needed to say it to someone what do I do ps could you tag it "Norah"?)

Anyone who says “uni is the best 4 years of your life” or “high school is the best 4 years of your life” or “your 20s are the best years of your life” is an idiot. I’m sorry, but personally, I’ve spent SO long freaking out about that and how people said that to me yet when I was in college I was struggling so badly that it was actually the WORST 4 years of my life.

No one can predict when the best time of your life will be. You can’t. The general population can’t. Everyone is different. Everyone finds a different part of their life to be the best years. I’m crossing my fingers and hoping mine didn’t come yet. After everything I’ve been through and my personality, it makes sense that the best years of my life will be when I start a family. BUT, you can’t have those expectations for yourself. You can’t say “THIS is going to be the best part of my life”. You can’t say “when I turn 20 is going to be the best time”. 

Probably one of my best pieces of advice is something I told one of my friends years ago:


If you want to enjoy uni at all, you need to reach out for support. If you’re miserable and you’re not telling anyone, it’s not worth it. You’re not going to enjoy yourself, you’re just going to dig yourself into this hole you can’t find your way out of.

You can leave if you want. You can start uni later, there’s no rule saying you have to start immediately after high school.

You can talk to someone. You can tell them you’re struggling. Family. Family can help. By my senior year and the short time I was in grad school I was going home every weekend. I also finally opened up to my teachers senior year. They already knew I had stuff going on and would help me out and give extensions if I needed them or let me miss class or give me alternate assignments or understand if I had to leave campus and go home for a week out of the blue (which I did). You can also talk to a counselor on campus. They can help you with all of this and with the transition into uni. It’s not the same as high school. It’s different. You need time to adjust and counseling (either individual, or you could see if they have some kind of group for new uni students) could be extremely helpful. 

You don’t have to take the same amount of classes as everyone else. So, maybe you’ll take longer to graduate. Or maybe you’ll need a winter or summer course here and there to graduate at the same time as your class. Don’t overwork yourself. Talk to your advisor and see about lessening your workload and if you can plan ahead in a way where you can take less courses per term and maybe do a winter class online from home or a few weeks of a summer course. Make sure you still give yourself a break to rest. But most colleges will have classes going over the longer breaks (winter, spring, summer) so that you can catch up if you need to or fit something in you couldn’t otherwise. Let your advisor help you too.

Don’t stress too much about friends. They’ll come. Maybe you won’t meet all of them in class. Maybe there’s an outside activity or club you can join. I didn’t keep any of my friends from college because I was struggling so bad the time I was there and it’s a long story but while I was there I did have a few people who I would talk to during the day between classes on campus or maybe spend a little time with… occasionally go out with… I met all of them through the dance program. I was a dance major (we had a small class… there were 4 of us in my year). Even though it was class, for us it was also an activity. We had rehearsals for the company which weren’t classes and we spent a lot of time together because we were dancers and we had that in common. For us, we ended up being in almost all of our classes together as well so it helped. Once you chose a major, if you haven’t already, you’ll start seeing and getting to know a lot of the same people. And you can chose a club or organization related to whatever your major is. You can also join something not related to your major. 

So, since this was so long, key points:

  • tell someone you’re struggling
  • lessen your workload if you decide to stay- talk to your advisor
  • talk to a counselor about transitioning to uni and see if they have a new student group 
  • if you’re away from home, go home to visit when you need to
  • don’t get too stressed about grades, everyone thinks they do worse in uni… my brother went from an A student in all accelerated classes to a C-ish student at college, he didn’t understand it at first but the truth is college IS harder and that’s okay, you’re not the only one and there are more important things than grades
  • join a club or organization
  • DON’T GIVE UP JUST BECAUSE OTHER PEOPLE TOLD YOU THIS IS THE BEST TIME OF YOUR LIFE. Your life is what you make of it. You can make this the best time if you want, but why? Why not AIM to make it the best time of your life… but when you graduate, AIM to make the next part of your life the best. Don’t expect too much from yourself or from life but don’t let yourself feel like it’s all shit either.
One Year


In honour of Hollywood U’s first birthday, I decided to write a fic based around this anniversary and also try to incorporate as many HWU characters as possible. I think I’ve only missed two or three at the most… But there’s some of everything. Various characters we haven’t seen in a while… then there’s some Hunt and Chris and Ethan, of course. Enjoy!

Word Count: 3112

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last call, part 1

pre-series au, eventual NC-17, eventual wincest/weecest, character death (not the boys)

Art from this part, created by the incomparably kind and talented hellhoundsprey, can be found here. Please check it out!

1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8

Or: Read it all on AO3.


Dean watches his father’s body burn on the funeral pyre, stares as though he can see through the brightness to skin melting, bones turning to dust. They stand downwind, the stench of burning flesh washing over and past them. Dean blames the sting in his eyes on the smoke.

He wraps an arm around Sam, pulls him against his chest. His little brother has a fist pressed to his teeth, muffling the sobs that Dean feels shaking in his shoulders.

They watch the fire until the pyre has been reduced to ash, and then they turn and walk away.

Dean is seventeen.

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