and the quote is short but

I’m no longer sure of anything.
If I satiate my desires, I sin but I deliver myself from them, if I refuse to satisfy them, they infect the whole soul.
—  Jean Paul Sartre.
  • Yongseok: Tall people, if we are walking together please take into consideration my tiny legs. I can’t keep up with you! Please think of my tiny legs, I don’t want to be jogging to keep up with your leisurely stroll, you TITANS!
  • Takuya: Just get a pair of roller skates and hang onto my sleeve, we don’t have all day.
moments
quickly we go through them without a thought
then we will speak of how life is fickle
but there is a certain eternity within these moments
within the breaths
within the smiles
within the pain that turns into a lesson
if you are careful enough
they are as clear as day
and certain as the sun rise
they lie within us
bright as the soul
but you will rush through these moments
in search of nothing not
to arrive on the other side
with an empty heart and a burn out soul
weighing heavily on your reason for existence
and the answer
has always been; to just be
for there is always a profound understanding
a tale of recovered fragments
in the eyes of the universe
unfolding chapters without rushing to the end
and life is not as fickle
when every breath is lived

I’m always the one who will stay up late talking you out of your depression state. I will make sure you’re all right before I fall asleep. I will cancel a plan if you can’t make it, even if the others can. Just because I don’t want you to feel left out.

I will go so far for anyone. So far that I’m actually scared of what I’m willing to do for people.

But the saddest part of all of this, is that when it’s time for me to feel sad, there’s no one to even answer my texts.

—  I’m the one who cares more
The other day I was in a certain shop drinking cheap liquor when three elderly men of letters came in and, though I’d never met any of them before, proceeded to surround me and to disparage my writing in a disgustingly drunken and thoroughly misinformed manner. I am one who, however much he may drink, hates to lose control of himself, so I merely smiled and let their abuse go in one ear and out the other, but once I’d returned home, as I sat eating a late supper, the vexation became too much for me and I suddenly began to sob. Unable to stop the flow of tears, I lay down by my bowl and chopsticks and brokenly unburdened my feelings to my wife. “Here I am … her I am, writing desperately … writing for all I’m worth, putting my very life on the line for my writing, and everybody treats me like a laughingstock … Those men are my seniors, they’re a good twenty years older than I am, but what do they do? They gang up on me … Cowardly bastards. It’s not fair … all right, then, if that’s the way they want it, I’m not holding back any more, either. I’m going to come right out in the open and say what I think of them. I’m going to fight … They’ve gone too far this time …”
— 

Dazai Osamu, “Handsome Devils and Cigarettes”

The more I find out about how harsh critics can be, and how much it affected brilliant authors who have changed my life with their words, the more I appreciate all that they went through to do what they loved. I hope all the friends I have who write and all the writers who read this know that for every critic out there who tramples on their writing there are so many more fans out there who love reading their creations are are rooting for them! Don’t get discouraged! We’re here for you!

you’re 19, believe me you don’t know what you’re going to want in a boy when you’re 26 and believe me you won’t figure it out right now. so stop planning who you’ll end up with, or who you’ll want in seven years because you don’t even know what you will want, to begin with. stop making promises to yourself and your boyfriend. because who the fuck knows who you will like seven years hence. but you know who you like right now. him. so cherish that. make plans, eat ice cream in bed with him, hug him, take walks in gardens, go on dates, go to art galleries. cherish it without making promises. cherish it without promising each other a future. you’re just 19. you don’t know who he will want and you dont know who you’ll want in seven years.
—  seven years//nikitagupta
eventually i became paranoid, sitting between 4 walls, listening to the same song on repeat, wondering if you were just as paranoid as i am…
It’s okay if you don’t want the same things as me in the long run. Because I like you a lot and you make me happy but we both will change in ways we can’t be sure of. So it’s okay if we don’t share a forever as long as we have right now.
I hate what is expected of me
I hate what society thinks I should be
I hate explaining me
I just want to be
—  t.m.
I guess you’re not capable of writing it. You ought to study the adult world a bit more. But then, you’re the unlearned man of letters, aren’t you.
— 

Dazai Osamu, “Garden”

This comes from a conversation Dazai wrote about having with his oldest brother, who was the head of the family at the time. His brother didn’t think too highly of Dazai’s writing. But I like the “unlearned man of letters” nickname, because it is such a contradiction and anime!Dazai is all about contradictions!

“If you place yourself somewhere close to raw emotions, where you’re exposed to violence and death, instinct and desire, you can brush against man’s true nature. I thought that way I could find a reason to live somehow,” is what Dazai said in episode 16, but during the Dark Era he was also looking for a way to die.  Not only that, but even after trying to die so many times he is lecturing Odasaku about relying on something and finding a reason to keep going despite the fact Gide had murdered the closest thing to a family Odasaku had. There are things about life that Dazai is so confused and desperate about that he will do two things that are complete opposites, finding a reason to live and finding a way to die, to try and find happiness.

I see lights
in between
our fingertips,
I hear the
sweetest
melodies
flowing out
of your lips,
and here
in this place
lies my dreams
making it
easier for me
to breathe.
—  ma.c.a // You, Me, and My Writings
Everyday I question myself
I question who I am
I question my sexuality
I wonder where I fit in
If happiness is out there for me
—  t.m.