and the essay writing music comes out

Becoming Queer

When I was 8 I was obsessed with Disney’s Aladdin. Not just the original movie, but both of it’s poorly made sequels too. I watched them everyday after school while I drew pictures in our basement TV room, simultaneously fixated on their adventures and creating my own on paper.

I remember being absolutely in awe of how handsome Aladdin was, but also of the beauty of Princess Jasmine. They were the most attractive people I could ever imagine existing.

When I was 10 my mom gave me an American Girl book all about puberty and the female body. I only read through the whole thing once, but I left it close to my bed because of the one page I looked at nearly everyday.

It was one of the sections of the book on bodily changes throughout puberty– body hair, periods, etc. At the bottom of was a picture of several girls in front of a mirror, completely naked, to illustrate the different sizes and shapes of breasts. I was absolutely fascinated by these girls: the soft curves of their hips, their round and full breasts, the way their thighs came together. Despite their cartoonish nature, this was the closest I’d come to seeing a grown girl’s body. It was foreign and beautiful to me.

Somehow, I knew this wasn’t normal, so I always hid the book after I was done in case mom asked why I still had it.

When I was 12 I found my self distracted in classroom discussion circles looking at girls chests and lips and thighs. Every time I caught myself I’d immediately look down at my lap and blush. I’d learned by now that it wasn’t normal for girls to look at other girls like that, what it meant to be gay. But I’d eventually find my eyes wandering again, my thoughts focused on how beautiful one of my female classmates was.

I remember walking down the hallway one day mentally reciting “you can’t be a lesbian, you like boys… every girl must look at each other like this.”

When I was 13 one of the girls that I clung to during PE (because they were just as repulsed by physical exertion as I was) told us she was bisexual. This was the first time I’d been told someone could be attracted to boys and girls at the same time. It was confusing and enlightening at the same time.

I remember she put her arms around my shoulders once, during badminton week, her face inches from mine. It made me nervous, but in a way that I’d never felt before. My stomach had dropped, and I didn’t know why. It wasn’t like the fear I’d felt from scary movies and my dad yelling at me, but it wasn’t quite like when I felt exhilarated from riding a rollercoaster or binging on sugar with my friends… it was something in between, and entirely new.

I’d told my mom about it and she immediately wanted to call the principal and make sure the girl didn’t touch me like that again. That scared me, her reacting like that. I started acting repulsed by the girl afterwards, telling my friends she had flirted with me even though I wasn’t entirely sure she had, how weird it was and how weird she was.

Looking back, I probably wish that she had been flirting with me.

When I was 14 I was acquainted with the first queer couple I’d ever met. They were in theatre with me, and I’d been wanting them to start dating for months. At this point I’d stopped acting weirded out by gay people and claiming that bisexual people were “selfish and should just pick a side already.” I openly showed my support for gay people, citing my theatre friends of examples of how “normal” they could be.

I walked in on the couple in the dressing room one rehearsal, shocked to see them making out. I stood in the doorway a moment, then walked out without either of them seeing me.

I thought about their kiss for the whole day, wondering how their relationship worked, what it was like to date someone of the same gender as you. I was dating a boy at the time, my first boyfriend and the one that would create fear and an inability to trust for my entire high school career when he started abusing me. I wondered if this couple’s relationship could be anything like ours.

When I was 15 I joined Tumblr. I’d just moved from Michigan to Alabama, had my heart broken by my abusive boyfriend furthering the pain he was inflicting by cheating on me, and was just beginning to realize that I had an eating disorder with no idea how to feel about it or whether or not I wanted it to go away.Tumblr became a place for me to escape all this into “fandoms” and “fitblrs” and personal posts from strangers I didn’t know but whose lives intrigued me. It was on Tumblr that I first encountered the word “pansexual.” I was 16.

I was intrigued and slightly obsessed with the concept of it, pansexuality. I’d only just begun to learn about transgender and heard rumors of other genders outside of men and women, and being attracted to all of them or being “genderblind” seemed impossible, but incredible. I spent months randomly researching sexual orientation and transgender people before finally adopting the term as my own.

Though, it was only in my head that I claimed pansexuality as my own. I didn’t want to tell anyone… not because I was ashamed so much, I’d forgotten that stigma several years ago, but more because I was afraid that I only wanted to be pansexual, not that I actually was.

After all, if only ever been in relationships with boys at that point. How could I know if I was actually attracted to other genders if I’d never dated them?

When I was 17 I got my first crush on a girl. I didn’t recognize that that was my motive at the time, but I was constantly staring at her in the two classes we shared, payed special attention when she spoke, and the day she announced that she had a Tumblr I made it my goal to be a part of her life.

By winter we were best friends. By summer I’d begun to realize the extent of my feelings for her. The first time I got drunk at 19 I blurted out that I thought about making out with her all the time. I told her how I felt at 20, 3 years of pining later.

She told me she didn’t feel the same.

When I was 18 and in my first year of college, I binge watched all of Laci Green’s videos on YouTube, deciding that it was time I figured out how my body and how sex worked. Through her I found not only the courage to masturbate for the first time, but my first confrontation with “third genders.”

I obsessively studied nonbinary genders, claiming to just be interested in them, giving speeches and presentations on them for class, messaging nonbinary people to ask about their experiences. I came to accept that I identified with this term the summer of my sophomore year of college.

When I was 18 I also came out to my dad. I’d already come out to my close friends, sisters, and mother at this point– all giving me generally positive responses. This was not the case with my dad.

We were fighting in the kitchen, something that had become a regular thing since I’d started expressing my feminist and liberal beliefs. He was making homophobic comments and I guess I must of have been very clearly upset by this, because he asked, “do you have a problem with that?”

To which I responded, “Yeah, because I like girls, dad!”

My outburst led to two and a half years of him telling me that my identity was fake, a scheme to get attention, that all I believed was a result of my being brainwashed at college and my own self delusion. The full force my panic, bipolar disorder, and depression came out during this time. The first time I thought of killing myself was when he threatened to kick me out and cut me off from my sisters if I didn’t stop with this “feminazi LGBT bullshit.”

When I was 19 I started dating one of my best friend from high school– a boy, but pansexual like myself, I felt like this was the first queer relationship I’d been in.

He told me he didn’t want a monogamous relationship, that he identified as polyamorous– which I knew because this was one of the reasons his last relationships hadn’t worked out. Thinking I wouldn’t fall as desperately in love with him as I did, I agreed to an open relationship.

Two months into the relationship and much research and self reflection later, I’d come to accept that I was also polyamorous and I never wanted a monogamous relationship again.

When I was 20 a girl on Tumblr reblogged a set of selfies that I’d posted, exclaiming in the tags about how handsome I was. I took one look at her blog, saw the profile picture of her staring directly at the camera with intense blue eyes and an expression impossible to read, and immediately followed and messaged her my thanks.

We started messaging frequently, talking about such expansive and random things, things I’d never talked about with anyone. Soon we were messaging everyday and I began to realize how hard I was falling. I wanted her, I wanted her so badly.

I hadn’t had a crush on a girl that’d worked out in my favor and I was constantly pining for a girlfriend. I loved my boyfriend, I was still attracted to men and non-feminine genders, but I felt not only “too straight” to be queer at that point, but also like I was missing some sort of affection in my life that only a feminine partner could fill. And I was beginning to wonder if this girl was the person who could finally end my wanting.

The only problem with this girl was that she lived an ocean away from me, in Denmark to be specific. But my feelings became so strong that I couldn’t just be silent anymore: I told her I liked her.

She said she felt the same.

Today, March 2nd, 2017, Hayley Kiyoko released the music video for her single “Sleepover.” It wrecked me.

Hayley has become someone that I not only admire, but someone who makes me feel so validated in who I am. A mixed, Japanese American, queer girl in love with art and comfy clothing. Before Hayley, I’d never felt like there was anyone in the media who was even remotely like me. With great music and a connection I’d never felt in any other celebrity before, I became an avid fan. So naturally, when the video for “Sleepover” was released it only took me minutes to find it on YouTube and watch.

The music video was so much more than I could have anticipated, actualizing all my experiences as a queer feminine person, admiring from a far, living in my head with my fantasies and no hope of ever being able to experience them in reality. With this video I was thrown back into all the years I spent confused and afraid of how I felt and who I was, all the girls I wanted to be with but knew they couldn’t work out, or didn’t work out even when I tried. And as melancholy as these thoughts were at first, it pushed me to the realization:

I love who I’ve become. I love that I’m queer.

And despite how grueling the process of it all has been, I wouldn’t trade all that heartache for a normal life if I could. I wouldn’t give it all up to be the straight girl with no struggles or worries about who she loved as I once believed I would. Even with the pain that it had brought, becoming queer has made me the person I am today.

And I love that person, even if there are still rough edges to be smoothed, I am finally unafraid of who I am.

A Slippery Slope

An Eddie Redmayne one shot for @messrmoonyimagines requested here.

New Year’s Eve was always my favourite time. I didn’t care too much for Christmas, but I liked the clean slate and unknown that came with a new year. Not to mention my mom always threw huge elegant parties, and I always took the train into London to attend. I loved seeing all the dresses and sharing bringing in the new year with tons and tons of people. Her being a film director made for some interesting guests, too. My longtime friend Eddie would be there, his mom being friends with mine, and I hadn’t seen him in a while. Too bad school doesn’t stop for anybody.

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itsnotasideeffect  asked:

Hello anne how are u today

im just gonna pour myself out to you bc ive been bottling it all up bc i dont want ppl in my real life to know abt it because my school is literally the worst at dealing with mental health and bullying, my best friend had to move away because they wouldnt do anything about the severe issues she had w bullying 

u know about the whole only irl friend dating my ex thing, and basically every tuesday all year shes come to my house so i can tutor her. last tuesday she didnt come because she “had a chiropractors appointment” but i find out from her boyfriend, my ex’s snapchat story that she was on a date with him the whole time and that really kinda hurt. any other day would have been fine. oh and by the way while she was lying about her priorities, i was writing an essay to hopefully be accepted into my schools most prestigious science research program. just saying. 

i dont have any friends. i sit alone for 35 minutes in the music wing every morning and spend lunch in the guidance office because no one will let me sit with them. 

but at the same time whatever because i have the best parents in the whole world and my mom took me out to get doughnuts and they both totally understand and are still in love and when everything else is falling down i can always count on my family and thats such a rare luxury these days

seven days to vacation and then im off to a different state where no one knows me, and i love that anonymity. no one makes fun of me in MA.

i guess i know my place in the world. things suck right now but they wont forever

Homesick

Requested: Ok I really don’t know if I’m in the spot to request but since Shawn is homesick and you make a imagine that he calls you (y/n) and talks about how he misses you and stuff like that. Btw love your blog

~~~

Your phone vibrates on the table next to you, your boyfriends name showing up on the screen. Pulling out hour headphones, you answer the call and put the phone to your ear, “Hello?”

“Hey baby,” Shawn’s voice sounds deeper than normal.

“Hey, what’s up?” You ask.

“I just miss you.”

“I miss you too.” You respond automatically.

“I really, really miss you, (Y/n).” And now you realize that this isn’t just the average I’m missing you call. You both miss each other constantly. That’s what happens when you have to have a long distance relationship most of the time. You’re used to missing each other, you’re used to it being a constant thing, but you sense that this time it is a little different.

Shawn’s been traveling for the past few weeks. His dad was with him for a little bit, but he couldn’t go with him the entire time. Shawn still has his team that goes almost everywhere with him, but you know it’s not the same. You don’t know what it’s like to be Shawn, even though you know him so well, you don’t know what it’s like to actually be him.

“I miss you too. It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, it’s been a while since you’ve been home, huh?”

“I’m just tired, I guess. And I miss home. I miss you.” His voice comes through the phone, sounding even sadder than it did when you first answered the phone, if that’s even possible.

You know what its like to miss home, because you live at your university and it’s too far to go home on the weekends or even during breaks so you feel like you can relate to Shawn in that aspect. However, even though you’re away from home for months at a time, you have another place to call home. You have an apartment that you come home to every night and roommates and friends that have become your family in a way. When Shawn is away from home, he doesn’t have anywhere to call home, at least not lately. He’s living in hotel rooms, and traveling between different countries. He’s talking to a lot of different people, performing, doing interviews, and attending award shows.

“You’ll be home soon baby.” You say, attempting to make him feel better.

“Can I come out to see you?” He asks. “I want to come see you.”

He is still supposed to be out of the country for another week, and then goes home to Canada for a little while, but shortly after he has other work commitments. Truthfully, you two haven’t even been able to figure out a time when you would see each other again. It just doesn’t seem like your schedules are lining up.

“I want you to come too, Shawn, but I just don’t know when you’ll have time do that.”

“I want to come see you baby. I need to see you.” He sounds almost desperate at this point, and it hurts your heart. Hearing him like this makes you want to cry. You don’t like how he’s hurting now and there’s nothing you can do to make him feel better. You don’t like how he just wants to see you, and he can’t because he’s out of the country and there’s no time in his schedule. You feel like you’re at least partially responsible for the way he’s feeling because he’s missing you. You just want to be with him too. Right now there’s nothing you want more than to be with your boyfriend.

“Alright baby, we’ll make it work. I want to see you too, more than anything in the whole world. I just want to see you.” You tell him honestly.

“I love you baby,” He responds, “I just want to come home.”

“I know. You’ll be home soon, and I’ll see you soon.”

“Come to Pickering? And we’ll go for a drive in my jeep.” He offers.

“Can I pick the music?”

“Only because I love you.”

“Okay good. I can’t wait Shawny. Just a week more and you’ll be home.”

“I know.” He sounds a little happier now, “What are you doing right now?” He asks.

“Just writing an essay. I’m waiting for Kira to get out of lab because I promised her I’d go running with her tonight.”

“Sounds like a nice night, do you have to go write your paper?”

“I’d rather talk to you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m sure. How are you, how’s Milan?”

“It’s beautiful. Their apple pie is killer.”

You laugh a little, “I saw your tweet.”

“I wish you were here. I wouldn’t be so homesick if you were here.”

A twenty-minute phone conversation doesn’t do much to stop him from being homesick, but you know it’s better than nothing. You know that his career is important and your education is important and sometimes that means that you have to make sacrifices. As much as it’s hard sometimes and as much as it hurts, you know that missing him and doing this long distance thing is better than not being with him at all. Throughout the conversation, you remind him that he’ll be home soon. He begs you to make the time to come and see him for the few days that he’ll be home, and you promise to make it work. You might have to miss a few classes, and reschedule some other things, but it’s all worth it. You’d do anything for Shawn, and knowing he’s homesick right now, you’d probably promise him anything if it’ll make him feel better.

By the end of the twenty minutes, you both have to go, but you can tell that he’s feeling at least a little bit better. Sometimes that’s all you can ask for, just a little better than before, and that’s okay.

Advice for the Class of 2017 & Beyond

@blueberrystudies

I’m sorry I’ve taken approximately forever to answer your question, but here it is (I’ll probably think of more things later, but…)

ADVICE FOR SENIOR YEAR & COLLEGE APPS

Disclaimer: This is one big summary of all of the things that I learned Senior year. I’d be happy to do individual posts about anything you have questions about, and goodness gracious did the internet help me through this because, as a first-gen, my parents knew nothing about applying to college. (They didn’t even know what the SAT was~)

sorry if this is overkill but I hope it helps somehow LOL

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CXGF

in all the excitement over rogue one i forgot to mention that i finally caught up with crazy ex-girlfriend and am utterly BAFFLED that it’s not a more popular show

as a musical comedy it occupies a magical space that’s somewhere between kooky silliness, razor-sharp humour, endearing social awareness, and an almost abyssal sadness. rebecca bunch–the protagonist, played with boundless energy by rachel bloom–is at once completely over-the-top and so damn relatable. she is so, so terrible to the people around her and yet it is difficult not to root for her or feel for her so much that your heart aches. the show makes no bones about her issues: her depression and anxiety are referenced multiple times in ways that are both funny and sympathetic, and sometimes when you see her through another character’s eyes, you’re taken aback at how self-involved she is and how oblivious she is to the fact that she’s hurting other people. yet it’s so abundantly clear that she’s a good-hearted person, really, and i love her so much, you guys.

(there’s another thing about rebecca that kind of strikes me cold, sometimes: you know how she’s always referencing other people for her opinions? modelling a persona that’s moulded after what is Right and using it to fill some great void called Identity inside of you because you grew up alone and awkward and learning to hate yourself? yikes.)

and the other characters never get lost in the noise, too; they could so easily be caricatures, but they are not. i love paula’s second season arc, and, oh! they could’ve easily made josh chan an empty shell of a character and it wouldn’t have mattered too much, but as he’s evolved through the series–and looking back on his s1 appearances–it’s clear that we too have been looking at him through rebecca’s eyes (that’s another great thing about this show: rebecca as an unreliable narrator, and the show pulling the rug from under us every now and then). why did josh chan return to west covina? why does he seem to have regressed to his high school self? he’s somebody who is desperate not to feel bad, to achieve a kind of happiness and tranquility that he’s idealised from his memories–and that’s not entirely unlike rebecca herself. 

and the musical numbers and the choreography are fantastic. do yourself a favour, and watch the CXGF music videos on youtube right now. i’ll see you in an hour or so.

give this show a try! *waves hands* i’ve not seen a mainstream show feature a protagonist this confidently sexual and not remotely slut-shamed for it; it features a prominent bisexual character (his coming out song is the BEST), casual discussions of polyamory, nuanced portrayals of mental illness, poop jokes and songs about period sex–

i mean. WATCH IT.

Promptly In January - A January 2015 Poetry Challenge

Hey there! 

Do you, like me, like to write poetry, and would like a little motivation to churn out all the good work that we both know is just waiting to pour out of you for the new year? 

You are in luck, friend! My friend amy–li came up with the brilliant idea of doing a poetry challenge in January, complete with one prompt a day if you’re feeling stuck or want to challenge yourself.

(Shout-outs and much thanks to poetryprompts, promptsgalore, and blythebrooklyn [x] for the prompts you’ve all posted in the past that we picked and mixed together here. Very good ideas all - thank you!) 

Those prompts are:

  1. what you make room for
  2. Write a poem that addresses at least one other poem and/or poet by name. You might imitate, parody, disagree with, champion, or generally respond to the other poem and poet.
  3. Write about interpersonal relationships and the games we play to avoid vulnerability.
  4. forgiveness
  5. Write in the voice of a fictional character. Address a real issue, event, or person.
  6. Write for five minutes without stopping, about whatever comes to mind. Then use what you have written to make a blackout poem.
  7. deleted texts
  8. Write a love poem to an inanimate object.
  9. Imagine an archnemesis for yourself. It might be a real person, or an imaginary person, or a particular fear or hindrance personified. How do you engage? Do you fight? Who wins?
  10. space
  11. Personify a place or landscape you really love as a person. What’s your relationship? Their personality? How do they act, what do they do? What do they look like?
  12. Your anima or animus
  13. lies you’ve told
  14. When was the last time you were completely out of control?
  15. Write a poem that serves as commentary on some aspect of popular culture—a movie, a book, a social movement.
  16. a mantra
  17. a rumor
  18. Write about your first encounter with death.
  19. Write a fairy tale.
  20. Write a “Call and Response” Poem.
  21. what you have to offer
  22. An abstract concept: Can you pay tribute to love itself? Write a poem honoring something that can’t be seen or touched: honor, passion, curiosity, or loyalty. Or music.
  23. Write about getting locked out.
  24. Look up some very rare flowers in at least two different countries. Write a poem that incorporates the features of these plants and their many parts.
  25. Write from the perspective of an unreliable narrator.
  26. Write a poem centered around a biome.
  27. Write about coming to terms with your sexual identity.
  28. Write about a city in your country.
  29. Write a list of your five favorite smells, then write a lyric essay that uses sense of smell to tie together seemingly unrelated narratives.
  30. Write a poem which considers the fragility of friendship
  31. Write about reconnecting with someone from your past.

BONUS: Sit outside and write about what you observe.

If anyone would like to join us, feel free - the more the merrier! Just use the tag #Promptly In January (along with your usual poetry tags) so everyone can see your work. 

I look forward to seeing all your work come the 1st!
Happy writing!

Really all I want is a modern AU where Christine Raoul and Meg are three best friends trying to get through college

  • Raoul is studying business and trying to prove that he doesn’t need to depend on his family’s money to survive and spends most of his nights in Meg and Christine’s apartment eating all their food and stressing about some essay
  • Meg is a dance major who struggles between living up to her mother’s strict expectations and over-indulging on this new-found freedom of living away from home
  • Christine is trying to find who she is while coming to terms with her father’s death and pursuing her dream of singing on broadway

essentially it’s a comedy of a bunch of times they get drunk freak out about their future and try to figure out what is up with the weird sullen dude in the mask that lives across the hall and plays beautiful music through the thin apartment walls

timdrakemockingjay  asked:

Hey Bren I think I remember a time in which Tim Drake nearly died, not in the event of being shot, stabbed or smushed under something but that one time that the power went out at Wayne Manor and Tim barely had any internet (some on his phone but that's no good without a computer) and it was out for a couple of hours and it was a good thing that Bruce came back from the other side of town to turn on the generator because Tim could have died that night. And I think you should tell that story. :)

I shall tell this story for you, dear friend.

~*¤*~

Once upon a time, a rather horrid storm blew into the city of Gotham. Rain came down in torrents from dark clouds, making everything horribly slick and quite hazardous to our resident vigilantes.

With the rains and harsh winds, there was little crime to speak of, thankfully, so most of said heroes stayed in their homes, snug and warm while the weather raged outside.

And Tim, he was certainly glad that he did not have to run after small-time crooks or the rampaging villain of the week, but instead he was curled around a warm cup of hot tea, reclining in his favorite leather chair as he typed out the essay due tomorrow with his free hand. He was positively comfortable and cozy.

Until, that is, there was a exceptionally loud crack of thunder, and suddenly the room was eveloped in complete darkness. Tim froze, looking away from the glow of his computer screen and towards the window, where he caught glimpses of the rain pounding against the pane with every flash of lightning.

“Please no,” he whispered, glancing quickly down at the now-blinking battery symbol on the status bar of his screen. The power was dangerously low and Tim resisted the urge to smack his forehead. “I knew I should’ve charged it earlier.”

There was no way to know how long this would last, and the generator was downstairs but Bruce had forbidden Tim from going down there because he knew Tim would probably try to work on something and he was supposed to have a night off which was ruined now

Damn.

~*¤*~

Bruce really wanted to go home already. It was getting late, and he was tired. The chair he had been sitting in for the past five hours, which had at first felt amazingly plush and comfy, now felt hard and unforgiving against his back. But, he had promised Lucius that he would finally finish the stack of paperwork that had been waiting for him to go over.

Poker Face then suddenly began playing rather loudly in the room, and Bruce fumbled for his cellphone, mentally berating Tim for changing his damn ringtone yet again.

“Hello?” He answered quickly, not bothering to check caller ID in an attempt to stop the awful music.

Bruce you have to come home right now immediately,” came Tim’s breathless voice, and Bruce tensed at the barely concealed panic in his son’s tone.

“What is it, Tiger?” He asked hurriedly, unconsciously pushing away from the desk and standing. He heard Tim take a breath, before:

“The power went out, B. And my laptop is dying, my cell is only at half battery, and you hid my tablet– Which, that was super rude. I know I’m grounded but, still. Also I have that essay due tomorrow and I can’t write it while my computer is drawing its last breath as we speak and–”

Bruce sank slowly back into his seat, relief washing over him in waves, now that he knew there was no real danger. Tim paused, probably to draw a breath, so Bruce seized the opportunity to speak. “Tim,” he said as calmly as he could, fighting down the urge to just- Start cracking up. Honestly, this kid. “Tim, you’ll have to wait until I get home to start up the generator. Let me just wrap up some things and then I’ll be on my way, okay?”

“Okay but hurry. I would like to finish this essay by tonight and by tonight I don’t mean like, one in the morning, as that’s what seems to always happen. Even when I start early, it’s like time speeds up because the universe hates me and I end up rushing to get it done but–”

“Breathe, Tim,” Bruce interjected, swallowing back a laugh. “You’ll be fine, I promise.”

“But–”

Tim. Calm.
5

Kick-Ass Chicks: Shriya Samavai

As Vans Girls, we all have a creative intuition, but our friend Shriya Samavai is a Jack of all trades when it comes to the artistic realm. From her versatile photography projects and launching a new clothing line, to writing personal essays and music reviews, she’s constantly finding new creative outlets to give her spin on things. Moving from a small town to NYC a few years ago, Shriya’s not afraid of the spotlight or to break away from her comfort zone. Her engineering-turned-art history college major switch is just the tip of the iceberg on her multi-faceted endeavors. We hung out with Shriya on the edge of Roosevelt Island to shoot in front of the city skyline and chat about her newest pursuits.

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the star signs as things my sister has said
  • Aries: Stop listening to that emo music.
  • Taurus: What is John Cena’s star sign?
  • Gemini: Did you know that in the 5th book Sirius black does not die?
  • Cancer: Write a 500-word essay about how you will never steal chocolate ever again.
  • Leo: Can you shave, can you shave my, can you shave my hairy dirty legs?
  • Virgo: [Replaces the f-word with “stuff” because of a radio edit].
  • Libra: Did you know I used to own yellow crocs?
  • Scorpio: I’m gonna break the law so many times when Pokémon Go! comes out.
  • Sagittarius: PAPA WAS TAKING A VIDEO, ITS PROOF.
  • Capricorn: Hey look, its that sad emo acoustic guitar song
  • Aquarius: But I do love that meme.
  • Pisces: This is a lie. You never go out.

a music video:

(the song is green days “boulevard of broken dreams”, but the lyrics stop after the first line, except for instances of “alone”, “broken”, and the ah-ah bridge. the music alone continues in the background, softer/quieter than with the lyrics. the adlibs/backing vocals are 75% quieter than in the original, and are fully present compared to the main vocals. however they are in broken english instead. there is a slightly off-tune and off-beat guitar playing dissonant and faded far in the background. it is quiet as if someone in editing wanted to remove it completely but wasnt allowed.)


before the lyrics start, in the intro, a lone man stands in a cul-de-sac. the time is late afternoon. the camera is facing him, showing only his chest. he is wearing plain casual clothes, a t-shirt and jeans perhaps. he is facing down the road. as the guitar fades, the video fades to black.
in the beat before the lyrics start, the camera cuts to about knee-height, looking down the road in the same direction the man was. the man steps over/past the camera and begins walking down the road, away from the camera. he keeps walking until he is out of sight. the camera does not move or zoom, and does not track him. he disappears down the road.
the video ends with an abrupt cut to black in time with the music.

as the man is walking down the street it is revealed he is wearing a terribly made replica of master chiefs helmet.

boulevard of broken yeeeems.

anonymous asked:

Can you name 10 women that influence your music, both lyrically and/or sound wise? Thank you! :)

Oh i really like this question! Thank you for asking about female influences, because there are so many incredible women in music that have inspired me! Go Girls!

Where to start.

Feist - What love about Leslie Feist is this kind of calm coolness that just surrounds her. I love the sounds on her albums, i love the sound on her vocals, i love the punch in her album Metals. “The Bad in Each Other” made me both want to become a better guitarist and just the entire album made me more aware of beats and rhythm. I mean she’s a killer guitarist, beautiful vocalist and a brilliant songwriter.

Joni Mitchell - Lyrics. Lyrics. Lyrics. “Both Sides Now” is one of my all time favorite lyric and i can’t say how many times i listened to “River” in my bunk on the tour bus whenever i was feeling pretty shitty. 
I guess one thing i really like in lyrics is honesty. Another perfect song that is all about honesty is the song “Little Green” where she writes about the daughter she gave up when she was young. 

Björk - I think every artist in Iceland is going to name Björk as an influence, She’s just a true artist, She’s constantly challenging herself! And i think that’s something you have to have when you want to make good art/music. 

Lay Low - Iv'e been a fan of Lay Low ever since her first album “Please Don’t hate me” and that’s why i was over the moon when she joined us on tour. When she was with us she was just alone on stage, with a guitar and a stomp box and i know from experience how frustrating and frightening it can be when your alone on a stage and people are talking loudly and not paying attention, but every night she owned the stage and shut everyone up.
She just released an album called “Talking About the Weather” that i personally think is her best album. I was also impressed when i heard she recorded and produced and played all the instruments (apart from the drums) herself. As a person who wants to punch her computer in it’s shiny face because Logic is doing weird stuff past few days i can say that it gave me huge inspiration! :)

Grimes - Because she has this sound that is dreamy and magical and unique and strange and beautiful all at the same time and because she made this post about being a female in music and because she recorded her album on Garageband and she because makes me want to make electronic music and because she uses Tumblr. Yay Tumblr.

Nina Simone - oh Nina! At this point its 2 in the night and i’m tired because for some reason i decided to write an essay on every single artist, so let’s just enjoy this video of this superwoman

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmO_0tIGo-4

Daugther - The lyrics always make me feel pretty depressed hah.. in a good way. Sentence like “I sometimes wish i would have stayed inside my mother, never to come out” make you go. “well, ok..shit, that’s dark!” But i enjoy the honesty and the darkness. :) 

Karen O  - Because she kicks ass, and her voice is like no other.

Mammút - Lyrics again, I really like the lyrics. Their sound is also hugely inspiring. I love the heaviness, specially in their new album.

Emiliana Torrini - Fisherman’s Woman. Enough said.


Goodnight Tumblr. 

Kanye West

Let me give you every reason that Kanye West is nothing but an undeserved scapegoat, who had provided nothing but top-tier music since his debut. Let me school you with some straight facts:
Kanye, despite his publicity stunts, is regarded by many as a kind, compassionate individual. He often talks to his fans, and from all accounts is genuinely interested in what they have to say, what their life is like, and what their goals are. This is somebody who for the past nine years has been public enemy number one. It would be easy for him to go into absolute seclusion, and bitterly resent everybody, but he doesn’t. He has a passion behind what he does, and it reflects in his music. Rick Rubin regards Kanye as the most influential and groundbreaking artist in hip-hop at the moment. Paul McCartney regards Kanye as a genius. He invited Seth Rogen and James Franco to perform their “Bound 3” parody at his wedding. He has won the love and respect of anybody who genuinely takes an interest in his music (Which has won 21 grammy awards, might I add). Despite the VMA incident, Kanye and Taylor Swift are good friends, and Swift herself has a deep respect for Kanye as an artist.
Not to mention, the dude has not had it easy. He slaved for years as a producer before finally making his big break on the production for Jay-Z’s Blueprint, with beats for Ain’t No Love (Heart of the City) and I.Z.Z.O (Takeover). Despite his success as a producer, everybody told him he couldn’t rap, and would never make it.
He eventually dropped College Dropout in 2004, reinventing the game with an album full of incredible soul-beats at a time where everybody was still trying to copy the G-Funk West Coast vibe Dr. Dre’s 2001 had left. The album had smash hits like Through the Wire, where he rapped about his near-death experience in a car crash while STILL WEARING his reconstructive mouthgear; or his club-hit about Jesus in Jesus Walks, at a time where you weren’t going to get anything religious on the radio unless you’re on country/gospel station in the South.
Late Registration debuted 2005, with a completely fresh Soul sound, and featuring the talents of Adam Levine (Maroon 5), Nas, Jay-Z, and of course Jamie Foxx in his smash hit “Gold Digger”. I don’t care who you are, this song had everybody dancing and was played and still is played in every club from New York to Tokyo to Berlin. His other single “Diamonds From Sierra Lione” touched on the issues of Blood Diamonds and the exploitation of Africans by Africans
“Over here, its the drug trade - we die from drugs/ Over there, they die from what we buy from drugs”.
This album also has one of his most heart-felt songs Kanye has produced to date: “Hey Mama”, his tribute to his mother Donda West, who raised him as single black mother in Chicago, with all the trials and tribulations that brought. The song is a beautiful display of a man who has a deepfound respect for the one who gave him everything.
“I was three years old when you and I moved to the Chi/ Late december, harsh winter gave me a cold/ You fixed me up something that was good for my soul/ Famous homemade chicken soup, can I have another bowl?/ You worked late nights just to keep on the lights/ Momma got the training wheels so I could keep on my bike/ … and it don’t gotta be mother’s day/ or your birthday for me to just call and say: ‘Mama!’ I wanna scream so loud for you/ cause i’m so proud of you.”
2007 Kanye released Graduation. This was a completely new sound to his previous Soulful works. This had a heavy techno/EDM inspiration, from artists such as Daft Punk and Deadmau5. His hit song “Stronger”, sampling the also famous Daft Punk song “Harder, Better, Faster” was played once again world-wide in every club from L.A. to London to Sydney. It was groundbreaking, as Kanye melded genres that nobody had been able to meld. He gave popularity to the Robotic Voice trope that many artists copy to this day, and re-purposed auto-tune. It was no longer for untalented hacks who couldn’t sing: It was for artists who wanted to give a specific feel to their music.
Then by 2008, things really started going south for Kanye. His mother passed away due to complications with a cosmetic surgical operation, his relationship with his girlfriend was deteriorating, and he had a hatred of himself. It was in this despair and desperation that he produced his darkest work, “808s and Heartbreaks”, which is essentially his thesis on pop music, providing us with an incredible set of pop beats, all of which were phenomenal, and embracing the cold, detached Robot Voice that he had popularized as a way of reflecting the depression and lack of joy and humanity he possessed. The album provided him an avenue to channel the dark times he was going through. The track “Coldest Winter” is directly about the passing of his mother, Donda
“It’s 4am and I can’t sleep/ Her love is all that I can see/ Memories made in the coldest winter/ goodbye my friend, will I ever love again/ If spring can take the snow away, can it wash away all our mistakes?/ Memories made in the coldest winter/ Goodbye my friend, I won’t ever love again”
Then, in 2010 Kanye releases his Magnum Opus, “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy”. Critically acclaimed and regarded by many as the greatest rap album of all time, this album blew everybody out of the water, with not a single bad track. It received the near impossible 10/10 rating by Pitchfork, putting it in the same league as “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” and “Abbey Road” by the Beatles, “London Calling” by The Clash, and “Animals” by Pink Floyd. It was deeply self-reflexive, and in most senses a powerful declaration that he was not defeated, that he is in fact at the top of his game and that nothing can stop Yeezy season approaching. His song “Power” is nothing short of an inspiring, uplifting, empowering composition which firmly asserts that Kanye is back, and he does not give a flying fuck.
“Screams from the haters got a nice ring to it/ I guess every superhero need his theme music”.
His other single “All of the Lights” has a whopping fifteen extra artists, including Rihanna, Elton John, Fergie, Kid Cudi and many others. I could write a whole essay on Runaway, or Blame Game
Then, in 2013 Kanye released “Yeezus”, a.k.a. ABSOLUTE GENIUS. It is his anti-hiphop album of harsh, grinding samples, and disjointed jarring beats that comes together and by no sense of reason create some beautifully profound music. He denounces the institutional racism of the DEA and the CCA in his controversial track “New Slaves”. He mocks the hubris and egocentrism that everybody sees him as having in his track I am a God, which takes the absolute piss out of the modern man who considers himself a god, with the absurd line
“I am a God/ So hurry up with my damn croissants!”
Kanye has stopped caring what people think about him a long time ago.
But that’s not what makes the album ABSOLUTE GENIUS. It’s the fact that the entire album is in fact an allegory depicting the Tragic fall of the “Yeezus” persona, going from absolute stardom and egotism with the strong, hard hitting, angry, egotistical tracks On Sight, Black Skinhead, I am a God, and New Slaves. Then, it shows the invevitable Tragic fall, like something straight from Aristotle himself: Hold My Liquor and I’m in it deal with Alcohol and Sex addiction in a way that shouts the typical social glorification of the Rockstar lifestyle, whilst robbing it of all its glory.
Had to stop at 7/11 like I needed gas/ I’m lying I needed condoms don’t look through the glass./ Chasing love all the bittersweet hours lost/ eating asian pussy all I need was sweet and sour sauce
The distorted sound of the tracks and the uneasy schizophrenic sampling shows the deterioration of the Yeezus persona as he get in too deep, the distortion of his voice throughout the song makes the listener realise the horror of what it is to embrace these aspects of life.
Blood on the Leaves is the climax of the album. He returns to the Robot Voice to show the detachment and emotionless state that his sinful ways have led him to, removing his humanity and making him a heartless, soulless machine. This song is the Anagnorisis of the album (Similar to when Oedipus realizes that he’s married his mother in the Greek Tragedy). Yeezus has fallen low since he declared himself a god.
“Now you sittin’ courtside, wifey on the other side/ Gotta keep 'em separated, I call that apartheid/ Then she said she impregnated, that’s the night your heart died/ Then you gotta go and tell your girl and report that/ Main reason cause your pastor said you can’t abort that/ Now your driver say that new Benz you can’t afford that/ All that cocaine on the table you can’t snort that/ That goin’ to that owin’ money that the court got/ All in on that alimony, uh, yeah-yeah, she got you homie/ 'til death but do your part, unholy matrimony.”
Guilt Trip is a continuation of Yeezus’ road to redemption, his catharsis (Continuation of his Robot Voice). It’s Yeezus’ attempts to overcome his failed relationship and coming to terms with his own fallibility.
“Focus on the future and let the crew knock her” “If you loved me so much then why’d you let me go?” (x3)
Then, we get into the final stage with the last two songs: Send it Up and Bound 2.
Send it Up is Yeezus coming to terms with what has happened and joyfully choosing to put it all behind him.
“Reliving the past? Your loss”
is the beginning of the song, and it ends with Beanie Mann singing
“Memories dont live like people do; They always 'member you/ whether things are good or bad/ it’s just the memories that you had”.
At the end of Kanye’s verse, he shows that the Yeezus persona has revived anew
“Yeezus just rose again.”
Bound 2 is the 'happy ending’ of Yeezus. Yeezus, after all that he’s endured: the greatness, the loss, the suffering and the revival; he now is redeemed. He no longer is chasing the fame, the money, the superficial things, and he’s found that
“One good girl [who] is worth a thousand bitches”
meaning that he has a legitimate relationship with a woman, as opposed to all the bitchy girls that he’s been dealing with. This girl gives him everything that Yeezus could ever ask for: companionship. The final lines of the song reflect their relationship. It’s not perfect, but “you know, ain’t nobody perfect”. They celebrate the small milestones of making it to thanksgiving and to Christmas; perhaps they can make it all the way to the altar, but first she’s going to need to forget and forgive the person that Yeezus was. In the last two lines, Yeezus sums up the entire journey, on a number of levels: After this long-ass journey and transition that Yeezus has gone through, reflecting the verses of these raps and self-reflection; or the verses of him against his demons; or the verses of the Bible as they get married they’re both tired, and sad at the state of how things are for people still living their lives full of despair, and in a metaphor and reference to the shortest “verse” in the Bible, they weep, just as “Jesus wept.”
“Hey, you remember where we first met?/ Okay, I don’t remember where we first met/ But hey, admittin’ is the first step/ And hey, you know ain’t nobody perfect/ And I know, with the hoes I got the worst rep/ But hey, their backstroke I’m tryna perfect/ And hey, ayo, we made it: Thanksgivin’/ So hey, maybe we can make it to Christmas/ She asked me what I wished for on my wishlist/ Have you ever asked your bitch for other bitches?/ Maybe we could still make it to the church steps/ But first, you gon’ remember how to forget/ After all these long-ass verses/ I’m tired, you tired, Jesus wept”
Now I’ve been writing this comment for the past hour, so I won’t even go into his non-musical exploits, but rest assured that as far as fashion goes, Kanye West is leading the forefront with his Red Octobers or Yeezy Boost Sneakers with a resale value of several thousand dollars each.
Now, I hope that if you actually took the time to read at least half of this, you will see that the hatred for Kanye is little more than an attempt to marginalize one of the greatest artists of our time. His outbursts, though not classy, are not unfounded. Heck, John Lennon literally said the Beatles were bigger than Jesus; if that’s not hubris I don’t know what is. Both Lennon and West are icons and artists who have changed this world forever. Just because you haven’t taken the time to see further than your limited frame-of-reference by no means makes Kanye a bad artist or a bad human being. He is God sent, and full to the brim of musical talent. His new album will undoubtedly bring another wave of incredible artistry.

anonymous asked:

Wait so you have another job beyond touring and music?

I don’t currently have another full time job outside of music (though I did until fairly recently - I’ve worked in a number of fields from wine marketing to book publishing) but outside of Disparition I do occasional sound design gigs or other random bits of work that are not making music but working on promoting it, dealing with the business side of things etc. and random little tasks like writing a couple of essays for the Night Vale transcript books coming out in the fall.

anonymous asked:

Hey Ashlee, do you have any advice on sitting down and getting work done? I know you've already gone through school and I'm having a tough time actually getting things done. I sit down, but the next thing you know it's that night and nothing is done. What can I do to concentrate better? Thanks xx

Whew boy okay you’re talking to the girl who literally just submitted an essay, worth half her grade for the subject, only a few hours before it was due. Though it could have been worse - in my undergrad I once submitted an essay with one minute to spare. That was terrifying, 0/10 do not recommend.

But I’m going to try my best to give you some advice that sometimes work for me, a chronic procrastinator™

Remove all distractions.

I’m constantly lying to myself to come up with excuses for why I can’t work right at that minute, so I have to check off a list of trivial stuff before I can sit down and write essays or do readings or whatever. For example: Tidy up your desk; Go to the bathroom; Get something to eat; Get something to drink (one water, one something else - I usually have a cuppa or two while I work); Pull your hair back out of your face; Make sure the lighting is sufficient; Make sure the temperature is comfortable; Make sure you have your music queued; Ensure you have everything you need, all your notes and all your supplies, there and ready. 

After all that, employ some technological advances to keep you away from time wasting websites like the black hole of tumblr. There are website blockers and such out there that are a big help.

Also make sure your family or housemates know that you’ve set this time aside to study and really can’t afford any distractions - there’s nothing worse than just starting to find your study groove and being interrupted by someone yelling for you.

Break things down into chunks. 

Your work, the time you’re going to spend on it - every aspect of studying should be chunked. 

Don’t look at it as, “I have an entire essay to write”, or, “I need to spend three hours studying tonight”. That’s way too intimidating. When I look at things like that, I panic and freeze up. Instead, think, “Tonight, I’m going to gather up my sources for my essay.” “I’m going to write one paragraph.” “I’m going to write 500 words.” or, “I’m going to study this one concept.” 

And once you’ve finished that small goal, if you want to, give yourself a break. Take up to twenty minutes to reward yourself for your hard work and then dive back in. Unless -

If you’re on a roll, take advantage of it. 

If you’re a paragraph in and you’re really feeling it, just keep on writing. That motivation is rare and you need to make the most of it while it exists, so if you’ve struck something that’s got you in a groove and the work seems to be going a lot easier than it was, just keep going with it. Your brain will tell you when you need a break. 

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