and the batsignal

Blunt talk

ISFJ: hey ENFP, have you ever tried marijuana?

ENFP: nope, but I totally would

ISFJ: knew it

INFP: HIT ME WITH THE GOOD SHIT

ENFP: where did you come from? You weren’t in the group for… dunno, at least 3 or 4 days

ISFJ: blunts are her batsignal lol

ENFP: lol but honestly you wouldn’t know the difference if i hit the blunt or didn’t would ya

ISFJ & INFP: …true.

  • Joker: The stars are beautiful tonight
  • Harley: Yeah
  • Joker: You know what else is beautiful?
  • Harley: ...What?
  • Joker: *points at the sky* The batsignal

anonymous asked:

The bat kids are handing out fliers for their new app called Batsignal. Apparently you can report and ask for help anywhere, and rate the emergency all the way from "need a jar opened" to "Joker has a nuclear bomb." Should be useful. Works #OnlyInGotham though.

Today is Bruce Wayne's birthday!

So to honor the Batdad’s b-day, here are some headcanons about how his birthday goes: 

- The second he woke up he was met with every single one of his kids and honorary kids in his bed screaming “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!” to him at the top of their lungs. 

- Cass, Steph, Dick, Bans, Harper, and Duke all have him huge hugs, practically pinning him to the bed with the strength of their snuggles. Jason just punched him in the face, claiming it was a birthday punch, but Bruce could see the small smile on his face. Tim didn’t go in for a hug right away and was kind of awkward, but he did hand Bruce the homemade card they all helped to make, and Bruce gave him a small kiss on the head. Damian was stiff as usual, but he did hug Bruce for .2 seconds only when he was positive nobody was looking. 

- So. Many. Old jokes. The whole day his kids were making comments and jokes about how old he is and that any normal guy his age would be carrying a cane and wearing glasses, not beating up criminals every night. 

- Jason bought him a jug of prune juice and a crowbar for his gift. 

- The Waynes threw a huge party at the manor, where the batkids got into all sorts of trouble like “accidentally” tripping Damian and making him fall face first into the birthday cake. 

- Somehow all the rogues found out about Batman’s birthday, (Bruce suspects Selina told them, but he has no proof), and so when he went on patrol, he was met by all of his villains not committing crimes like he’d assumed, but instead hosting a birthday party for him?? 

- Harley even baked him a cake shaped like the batsignal, and it only had a tiny bomb in it. 

- It was awkward to attend a party with a bunch of supervillains, but at least the presents were good. Killer Croc knitted him a sweater, and Two Face gave him a Batman action figure. He was touched, to say the least. 

- The entire batcave was decorated with the brightest and most colorful decorations they could find. Streamers hung from the giant dinosaur, Barbara changed the screen on the computer to only show pictures of Bruce photoshopped with a party hat, and Tim installed motion sensor confetti cannons so that one couldn’t walk five feet without being shot with confetti. 

- Nobody really knew how old Bruce is. Tim thought it was 45, but Jason insisted it was at least 50. Damian just insists he’s old and says to leave it at that. So when they put candles on the devil’s food cake Alfred baked, they just bought a hundred candles and crammed them all on, deciding that as of now Bruce is 100. He was not amused. 

- Tim made sure to inform him that he shares a birthday with Tumblr and that he should feel very honored. 

“Admit it, Bruce” - Batman x Reader (NSFW)

Thank you VERY MUCH @craftersdust :). I’m a bit self-conscious about my writing, because I’m French, and I know sometimes I don’t phrase things right, so thanks. 

And here’s for your request, of course, very NSFW :

(My master list, by the way : Right here )

_______________________________________________________________________

-Oh hello, I’m Bruce Wayne, I never have fun because I’m the dark knight, and someone dark cannot smile, like ever, and…

-Are you done ?

-Honey, I’m just warming up.

For the past ten minutes, you had annoyed your husband by (very badly) imitating his voice and just stating all of his flaws (mind you, you thought he didn’t actually have many). You accentuated your annoying behavior by tapping regularly with your fingers on the counter of his bat computer, while he was trying to concentrate.  It wasn’t just because you wanted to annoy him that you did it though, he totally deserved everything. He was refusing to accept that he was wrong, and you were right, and it bothered you because that happened way too many times. He hated being wrong. You knew it, this time his stubbornness just annoyed the Hell out of you. 

-But I can stop if you…admit you were super jealous. 

-I wasn’t jealous Y/N. At all. Why would I be jealous of a guys like that ? 

-Mmmm…Because I used to be in love with him and that he’s very attractive and successful ? Funny and smart ?  

He refused to look at you, but you saw quite distinctly his jaw clenching. You smiled, oh this was gonna be fun. 

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

"You've fought for justice long enough," whispered Commissioner Gordon pinning Batman against the wall, the batsignal still on and being reflected on some overhead clouds. "But when will you fight for our love?" Batman stared into the commissioner's eyes (well, glasses, because Jim's wearing glasses right?) and replied, "I'm sorry, Jim. Justice is the only side ho I can afford to have". Gordon frowned. "Then... who's your main hoe?". Batman closed his eyes amd smiled. "My crusade," he just said.

Idea: the bats give the villains a way to contact them after they realize that since many of the villains compete for resources, it would be in their best interests to report their competitors.

This is a very important idea because it comes with the image of Two-Face and Penguin yelling at each other in a back alley, deciding to report each other at the same time, and diving for their phones. Cobblepot frantically scrolls through his contacts while Harvey screams HEY SIRI CALL BATMAN into his speaker. If only they had put Batman on speed dial

Secrets (NSFW) Bruce X Reader

Requested: Yes

Request: 700 celebration poll results
Summary: Bruce drops in your apartment in a needy mood.
Word Count: 1766

Warning: Almost 100% (like 97%) smut, just a little plot if you squint really hard, slightly Dom!Bruce (just a little tiny bit)

A/N: This is what you guys and dolls voted for! I really hope you like it and it’s not too steamy (is there such a thing? I think not). If you are easily bothered by sexual content and themes, please do not read this! It is very dirty! 

Keep reading

Tagged by @lurkdusoleil

Rules: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better (author’s note: for fuck’s sake nine is not happening)

Relationship status: Single, indifferent about mingling.

Lipstick or chapstick: Matte lipstick, current favorite is E.L.F. Velvet Matte in Ruby Red.

Last movie I watched: The Cutting Edge, the other night someone on Twitter found it on Netflix and the Batsignal went up and a whole bunch of us watched it.

Last song you listened to: Fy Faen by Hkeem feat. Temur (damn you, SKAM, and your amazingly catchy musical choices what the HECK)

Top 3 shows: Right now SKAM, Fleabag, and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.

Top 3 characters: The eponymous Fleabag, and Rebecca Bunch, and sorry, but all five girls from SKAM’s Girl Squad. I can’t just pick one.

Top 3 ships: Rebecca and Greg (forever FOREVER F O R E V E R), Isak x Evan (as a person with MI who writes romances with people who deal with MI, it was nice to see an LGBTQ+ love interest with an MI get a bumpy but ultimately fairy-tale-ish story) and, hm. HMMMMMMMMM. Does it have to be TV? Because Karou and Akiva from the Daughter of Smoke and Bone trilogy, I love them so much.


Tagging…urrrrrgh can I tag @asocialfauxpas and @canuckpagali and @wowbright and @randomactsofdouchebaggery and @devonwood and @znks and @saxitlurg and @queenofeden and @hollyandvice and whosoever else, go nuts.

Hey I made it to nine!

Bruce Wayne Imagine - How you Met

Your P.O.V.

Being a business woman was both amazing and frustrating. Tonight was a mixture of both. Bruce Wayne was hosting a party and I had to go. So here I was, alone in a fancy house full of fancy people. I tried not to look awkward while standing all alone. So I just glanced around curiously as if I was searching for someone.

I was wearing my hair in a low bun with a few accessories in my hair. I had a red evening dress, not too big but it wasn’t too plain either. For once I picked white heels that weren’t killing my legs. They even went well with my white necklace and my earrings.

Live music started playing and I saw how people started dancing. Everyone seemed so happy and relaxed here. Instead of staring at others who had fun I just walked to the bar area and I took a seat. It sucked being lonely. ‘’Can I have a martini?’’ I asked tiredly but I fixed my attitude quickly by flashing the bartender a red smile. He nodded and grabbed a glass.

I could hear someone coming closer and there was a tap on my shoulder, making me turn around. First I saw a white button-up under a fancy black jacket until I moved my gaze up. That face! It was Bruce Wayne. Our eyes met and he smirked a little bit. ‘’Do you mind?’’ He asked me and nodded to the chair next to me. ‘’Not at all’’ I reassured him and watched as he took a seat next to me.

I got my martini and I sipped it while he ordered something for himself. Funny how he asked me if I would mind since this is his party. I guess he was a gentleman. ‘’I’m Bruce Wayne’’ He told me after a short silence. You see even tho I was dealing with people every day, making the first move always wrecked my nerves a bit. ‘’Surprise surprise’’ I giggled and then turned a little towards him instead of facing away. ‘’I’m Y/N Y/L/N’’ I let him know and then reached out my hand. Bruce grabbed it and shook it gently before letting go. 

‘’You’ve outdone yourself Mr. Wayne. This party is beautiful’’ I complimented him sweetly. He just shrugged and grabbed his glass. ‘’Thank you. You can call me Bruce’’ He allowed me. I nodded simply. ‘’Okay Bruce. Do you ever sleep?’’ I asked him curiously. He seemed to be so busy with Wayne enterprises and off of his charity work things. The papers also wrote about his trips and mysterious periods of time while he went ‘missing’. They were always explained by unscheduled business trips.

‘’Good question, I do but probably way too little’’ He answered my silly question. ‘’Do you? It’s like you’ve been really busy lately. I’ve seen a lot of articles about you’’ Bruce admitted smoothly. So he knew who I was and he didn’t just invite me because I was a random business woman? ‘’I guess we share a problem’’ I told him. Bruce chuckled at my response.

‘’So any luck finding Batman?’’ he asked me about my recent work. It surprised me that he was interested. ‘’Nope. It’s like he vanishes during day and at night he’s always on the other side of the city than me’’ I sighed while explaining how bad I was failing. Bruce just smirked mysteriously, but I didn’t pay attention to it. ‘’Maybe you should make your own Batsign?’’ He suggested playfully. It caused me to laugh again.

‘’Yeah. I could try that’’ I thought out loud and then I smiled. I heard how the song changed in the background to a classic piano one. I glanced at Bruce who looked at me warmly. ‘’Do you want to dance?’’ He asked me. My heart skipped a beat because I was so surprised. Then he offered me his hand. ‘’Lead the way Bruce’’ I told him and placed my hand on his. So we got up and he took me to the dance floor. 

We got positioned so his hand was on my waist and my hand was on his shoulder. I let him catch the rhythm before he smoothly started to lead us. People around us stared and some started whispering. I didn’t really care. I just focused on my feet and Bruce. He was a really good dancer! 

‘’Do you know why I invited you here?’’ Bruce asked me while we were dancing. I looked into his eyes and I tried to think. Honestly I had no idea. ‘’Nope’’ I replied shortly, expecting him to tell me more. ‘’I wanted to finally meet you and I thought this was the easiest way to do that’’ He admitted and it made my cheeks flush. I hoped that he didn’t notice. ‘’Why? So we could talk about Batman?’’ I asked him jokingly. At first he looked a little strange but it didn’t take long until he calmed down again.

‘’That too. I also wanted to ask you if you were interested to join a meeting at Wayne enterprises on Wednesday’’ Bruce let me know. Then he spun me around which fit the dance. ‘’What is this meeting about?’’ I wanted to know more. His hand placed back on my waist. ‘’Business’’ He answered shortly. I rolled my eyes playfully.

‘’Fine Bruce’’ I gave in only because I was so curious. ‘’Only if you help me find Batman’’I added a condition. Surprise flashed across his face. ‘’You’re a woman who takes her job seriously’’ He noticed. ‘’I like that. Deal. I can build a batsign for you’’ He offered kindly. What a true gentleman. ‘’Thank you. I hope you give me a time so I know when to come on Wednesday’’ I told him calmly.

Little did I know who I was really talking to..

this is based off & inspired by @indigonite ‘s demigods one. Like same poses and everything. When I saw it I couldn’t help but see the flash family so I had to do it. I also added Wally & Linda’s twins peering in. And Barry made a Batsignal Flashsignal. Please check out the original, Indigonite’s art is amazinggggg. wally was the hardest and i still think he looks weird.