and that means that ot's not only a job for them

Haven Craft’s Tips for Beginner Witches, Part One

Tips for Beginner Witches

Let’s start with this – I am not the witch Pope. I cannot speak for the witchcraft community as a whole; only for my own tradition.

5 Things I Believe Beginner Witches Should Ask Themselves

Note that the answers to these things will change, but that a firm grasp of the answers at any point in your practice may be helpful to you. I recommend actually writing your answers down, and every now and again check back and see if your stance has shifted.

1. Is magick real?

If yes, then what do you mean when you say, “Magick is real”. (Do you mean that you can effect reality with your will, intent, and energy? Do you mean like, Harry Potter real? What will disappoint you to realize might not be probable? What will inspire you to realize you can accomplish?)

2. Where are your lines? (What do you firmly believe is true/false, right/wrong? Violence, doing harm, controlling others, etc. Would you punch someone if they threatened a friend? Would you curse someone if they threatened a friend? What would you do, if your coven head told you it was right but you felt it was wrong?)

3. What are you looking for in a magickal path? (Pro Tip – no one has all the answers and there is no one right way.)

4. What are you prepared to do in order to accomplish your goals? (How many spoons do you have to give this practice? Can you devote one night a week, are you going to randomly pick stuff up on Tumblr, are you going to leave society to pursue your studies under a waterfall, etc.)


I recommend that no one make any oaths or vows in their first year of practice. Get to know yourself, how you feel about magick, and what you actually want to do before you do any big commitments. (Historic anecdote – this is what the original year and a day was for.) More strident, but still personal, recommendation: if someone tries to get you to oath to them within your first week of being a witch, run.


Things People Should Tell Beginner Witches, But Often Don’t

1. Don’t be afraid to change your mind.

2. Don’t throw good energy after bad by continuing to do something that isn’t right for you.

3. Don’t be afraid to continue your education, even if that means learning something that was right for you before is no longer right for you.

4. There is no one right way to do this. There is no Witch Pope - there is no dogmatic enforcement of the path to being a witch.

5. There are absolutely as many assholes in Paganism and witchcraft as there are anywhere else. Don’t think that these people are all spiritually enlightened beings who mean you well and who will give good advice.

6. Yahoo Answers is not your friend. You have the internet – which has access to both all of human information and all of human misinformation. Look for credible sources. Anything that seems too easy or too good to be true probably is. Work on critical thinking.

7. Try Scholar.Google.Com over “this article says so on Patheos.com.” Seriously, recently an article on there claimed Friday the 13th was a sacred holiday in goddess centered pre-Christian Paganism before the patriarchy ruined it. There is no historical validation for that, but a bunch of witches reblogged it. (Things you learn from scholarly sources rather than the latest poorly edited Llewellyn mess: the Burning Times didn’t happen, different kinds of Pagans warred amongst themselves long before Christianity came onto the scene, there was no great unified Pagan religion before Christianity, and Gerald Gardner was probably lying about almost everything he said.)


You Should Probably Learn the Difference Between Paganism, Wicca, and Witchcraft

What is Paganism?

Pagan is an umbrella term for a member of a religious, spiritual, or cultural community, other than those of the main world religions, so:

Non-Abrahamic – it is not Christian, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, or Mormon

Non-Eastern – it is not Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, Sufism, or Sikhism

Theistic – The belief in some kind of divine power, which is sometimes polytheistic (a belief in more than one god), but not always

Some Pagans practice witchcraft – others do not.

This definition isn’t quite right, though it’s in hugely common usage, because there are Abrahamic and Eastern persons who consider themselves Pagan. Keep in mind that there will be exceptions to this definition and that those exceptions are valid.

There are also secular Pagans, so it isn’t even always Theistic. I know – it’s complicated. Though this is the largely accepted Academic definition, it doesn’t really work when applied to the real world, if you’re considering someone saying, “I’m Pagan” as a self-identifying definition, which I do. 

Wicca

Wicca is a religion. Most people consider Wicca as falling under the Paganism umbrella, although not all Pagans are Wiccan. Not all Wiccans are witches, and not all witches are Wiccan.

Wiccan is generally defined as:

Dualistic – There is a God and a Goddess

Pacifistic – Wicca has a rede that requires Wiccan do no harm to themselves or others, though not all Wiccans (such as those who follow Doreen Valiente’s suggested guidelines) are Pacifistic, so there are definitely exceptions to this

Earth-based – Having a respect for and acknowledgment of the powers of the Earth

Witchcraft

The spiritual or secular art, craft, and/or practice of the witch, defined many ways by many different people.

A witch is a witch who says they are one.

Again, there is no witch Pope and no witchy excommunication because you define yourself as a witch differently than someone else does.

Yes, male identifying and/or presenting persons can be witches.


Pagan and Witch Fallacies

There are certain ideas that most beginners in the witchcraft community will encounter over and over again. I’m going to run down some things – with the reminder, again, that I can only speak for my personal tradition.

1. “You should remove all negative influences from your life! You should purge all negative feelings! Be positive all the time!” Not everything that is negative is bad. Not everything negative can be avoided – we can’t all just quit our jobs and live in a witch shack in the mountains. We have to endure negative things, both because it is healthier to experience the full range of human emotion rather than to ignore a large chunk of it, and because it isn’t possible. What we should do is stop victim blaming witches who are going through hard times and stop telling witches they can’t be angry when they encounter something that should be angering.

2. “But, tradition!” Just because an affluent white guy in the 1400-1600s said something, doesn’t mean you should do it. We don’t follow their medicinal advice anymore; we don’t have to follow their magickal advice either. Seriously, I don’t care if tradition says a trans woman shouldn’t be in a sky clad ritual – that’s bullshit. We don’t put leeches on our bodies anymore – let’s leave the past nonsense where it belongs.

3. “We have to make sure everyone feels included and welcome!” Not if they abuse the welcome of others, we do not. The problem with making some people feel included and welcome is that you make their victims feel excluded and unwelcome because you’ve made them unsafe.

4. “We have to support each other and love each other and be a positive force in people’s lives.” Okay, yes, in small doses, this is a great aim. It doesn’t work for everyone (some witches are spite and malice fueled and they are still witches), but okay, it’s a nice idea. Until it becomes ableist or demands free emotional labor from people, which it often does.

5. “We have to educate them!” Okay, it’s great that there is this effort in the community to educate others. But if you don’t have the spoons or if it seems like they’re using the demand for their own education as a way to still have access to a community they are abusing, then no, you have no obligation to put their education over your well being. None. They have access to Google (even if they have to go to a library to use it.)

6. “You have to earn your right to be a witch.” No, no you don’t. Seriously, though, from whom? Dusty white men in graves? A Llewellyn author who couldn’t fact check themselves out of a paper bag? Again – no witch Pope. I’m just gonna keep pointing out the lack of a witch Pope until people get it.

7. “You have to be ________ rank, degree, etc. to have an opinion on this topic.” Yeah, okay, I’ll be sure to wave my certificate in your face before having an opinion on my own tradition. No. Your opinion may be an uneducated one and you may be corrected for it, but that doesn’t mean that you didn’t have the right to it before you completed your O levels at Hogwarts.

8. As a corollary to above, “This is just my opinion and you can’t be mad at me for it!” People absolutely have a right to their opinions. And everyone else the right to decide those opinions make them an asshole.

9. “I’m super special and powerful because xyz, which means I get to tell you what to do.” People only get to tell you what to do if you let them. Sometimes, that’s an exchange we willingly make, but other times, people will feel they have the right to tell you what to do because they are a hereditary witch or because they’ve been practicing longer. Just remember – their position doesn’t trump your humanity and you don’t have to kiss the feet of someone who kicks you.

10. “The person really wants _____ from you, and you should help them on their path. Helping them on their path helps you on yours!” Just because someone wants something from you, doesn’t mean they get it. Being a witch doesn’t take away your right to say no.  


Please remember that you don’t have to earn your right to be here. This one is tricky on some level – to be the respected person in your community, you need to put in your time. However, in order to be part of a group you don’t need to give the High Priest a blow job (seriously, run).

You don’t have to earn admission to witchcraft, but you do have to earn specific positions and other people’s trust. If you teach people not to trust you through your actions, they won’t trust you.

Personality Disorder: Masterpost

What are personality disorders? How many are there? If you need help to self dx or are just curious as I was while researching this, I hope this post helps you.

Personality Disorders: An Overview

Each of us has a unique personality made up of traits that come from both our genetic make-up and our life experiences and is a vital part of what makes us who we are and how we interact with others.  

A personality disorder is a type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning and behaving. A person with a personality disorder has trouble perceiving certain things, such as relationships, people in general and emotions. However, that does not make you dumb, broken or worse.

Personality disorders usually become noticeable in adolescence or early adulthood, but sometimes start in childhood. They can make it difficult for those affected to start and keep friendships or other relationships, and they may find it hard to work effectively with others. They may find other people very scary, and feel very alienated and alone.

In general, individuals with personality disorders may have difficulty sustaining close or intimate relationships. They may experience chronic interpersonal problems, or have difficulties in establishing a coherent sense of self or identity. Others may perceive them to be impulsive, irritable, fearful, demanding, hostile, manipulative, or even violent. Problem alcohol or drug use, mood disorders, certain anxiety or eating disorders, self-harm, suicidal thoughts or attempts, and sexual problems often accompany personality disorder.

The diagnosis applies if you have personality difficulties which affect all aspects of your life, all the time, and make life difficult for you and for those around you.

The different types of personality disorders

Psychiatrists in the UK tend to use an American system of diagnosis which identifies 10 different types of personality disorder. These types can be grouped into three categories, which are usually called ‘clusters’:

♦ Suspicious ♦ - Cluster A ( odd, eccentric )

  • Paranoid
  • Shizoid
  • Shizotypal

The common features of the personality disorders in this cluster are social awkwardness and social withdrawal. These disorders are dominated by distorted thinking. 

♦ Emotional and impulsive ♦ -  Cluster B ( dramatic, emotional, and erratic )

  • Borderline
  • Histrionic
  • Narcissistic
  • Antisocial

Disorders in this cluster share problems with impulse control and emotional regulation. 

♦ Anxious ♦ - Cluster C

  • avoidant
  • depedent
  • obsessive compulsive

One person may meet the criteria for several different types of personality disorder, while a wide range of people may fit the criteria for the same disorder, despite having very different personalities. 

Quick overview of all the different personality disorders

••Antisocial personality disorder (ASPD)••

This is characterised by a lack of regard for the rights and feelings of others, and a lack of remorse for actions that may hurt others. People with this diagnosis frequently ignore social norms of acceptable behaviour; they may disregard rules and break the law. Consequently, if you have this diagnosis you may also have a criminal record; you may also have problem drug or alcohol use. Sadly, this kind of behaviour is also likely to result in difficulties in relationships, with rejection (given or received) a major feature.  

Antisocial personality disorder signs and symptoms may include:

  • Disregard for right and wrong
  • Persistent lying or deceit to exploit others
  • Being callous, cynical and disrespectful of others
  • Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or personal pleasure
  • Arrogance, a sense of superiority and being extremely opinionated
  • Recurring problems with the law, including criminal behavior
  • Repeatedly violating the rights of others through intimidation and dishonestyImpulsiveness or failure to plan ahead
  • Hostility, significant irritability, agitation, aggression or violence
  • Lack of empathy for others and lack of remorse about harming others
  • Unnecessary risk-taking or dangerous behavior with no regard for the safety of self or others
  • Poor or abusive relationships
  • Failure to consider the negative consequences of behavior or learn from them
  • Being consistently irresponsible and repeatedly failing to fulfill work or financial obligations

Adults with antisocial personality disorder typically show symptoms of conduct disorder before the age of 15. 

Treatment:

Cognitive therapy — first developed to help patients with depression — has recently been applied to ASP.

Medication:

No medications are routinely used or specifically approved for ASP treatment. Several drugs, however, have been shown to reduce aggression, a common problem for many antisocials.The best-documented medication is lithium carbonate, which has been found to reduce anger, threatening behavior and combativeness among prisoners. More recently, the drug was shown to reduce behaviors such as bullying, fighting and temper outbursts in aggressive children.Phenytoin (Dilantin), an anticonvulsant, has also been shown to reduce impulsive aggression in prison settings.Other drugs have been used to treat aggression primarily in brain-injured or mentally retarded patients. These include carbamazepine, valproate, propranolol, buspirone and trazodone.  Antipsychotic medications also have been studied in similar populations. They may deter aggression, but potentially induce irreversible side effects. Tranquilizers from the benzodiazepine class should not be used to treat people with ASP because they are potentially addictive and may lead to loss of behavioral control.

••Avoidant (anxious) personality disorder•• 

Typically, a person with this diagnosis fears being judged negatively by others, leading to feelings of discomfort in group or social settings. You may come across as being socially withdrawn, a ‘loner’. Fear and anxiety may mean that you have difficulty in holding down a job, as well as experiencing difficulties in relationships. This can be very painful for you as you can feel lonely and isolated, while at the same time, fearful of those relationships and situations that might make you feel more included and engaged with a community or circle of family or friends.

You are likely to:

  • avoid work or social activities that mean you must be with others 
  •  expect disapproval and criticism and be very sensitive to it 
  • worry constantly about being ‘found out’ and rejected 
  • worry about being ridiculed or shamed by others 
  • avoid relationships, friendships and intimacy because you fear rejection
  • feel lonely and isolated, and inferior to others 
  • be reluctant to try new activities in case you embarrass yourself.

People with avoidant personality disorder experience long-standing feelings of inadequacy and are extremely sensitive to what others think about them. These feelings of inadequacy leads to the person to be socially inhibited and feel socially inept. Because of these feelings of inadequacy and inhibition, the person with avoidant personality disorder will seek to avoid work, school and any activities that involve socializing or interacting with others. 

Treatment:

Treatment of avoidant personality disorder typically involves psychotherapy with a therapist that has experience in treating this kind of personality disorder. 

Medication:

Anti-anxiety agents and antidepressants should be prescribed for avoidant PD only when another psychiatric problem co-occurs (e.g., anxiety or depression). 

••Borderline personality disorder (BPD)•• 

This is the most commonly diagnosed personality disorder. The term borderline originally referred to symptoms being on the borderline between psychosis and neurosis. Typically, with a diagnosis of BPD, you are likely to have a poor self-image and unstable personal relationships, which are likely to result from mood swings that may involve angry outbursts, which tend to drive people away. Conversely, you may find it difficult to break away from damaging relationships as you are frightened of being alone. Others may find it difficult to relate to you, as your response tends to be unpredictable, or people may be afraid of your anger. While seeking contact and support with others, you may also be quite rejecting of this, which makes it hard for people to engage with, or relate to you. While in some ways inviting rejection, you also find it hard to be rejected and may act impulsively in reaction to this, sometimes threatening, or carrying out self-destructive behaviour such as selfharm or suicide attempts. Life can be very difficult and painful, both for you, and for those who care about you. You may have feelings of emptiness and fear abandonment by friends or partners.      

A person with this disorder will also often exhibit impulsive behaviors and have a majority of the following symptoms:

  • Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment
  • A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationshipscharacterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
  • Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self
  • Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)
  • Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
  • Emotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
  • Chronic feelings of emptiness
  • Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
  • Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms

Treatment:

Types of psychotherapy used to treat BPD include:

  • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT can help people with BPD identify and change core beliefs and/or behaviors that underlie inaccurate perceptions of themselves and others and problems interacting with others. CBT may help reduce a range of mood and anxiety symptoms and reduce the number of suicidal or self-harming behaviors.
  • Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): This type of therapy utilizes the concept of mindfulness, or being aware of and attentive to the current situation and moods. DBT also teaches skills to control intense emotions, reduce self-destructive behaviors, and improve relationships. DBT differs from CBT in that it integrates traditional CBT elements with mindfulness, acceptance, and techniques to improve a person’s ability to tolerate stress and control his or her emotions. DBT recognizes the dialectical tension between the need for acceptance and the need for change.
  • Schema-Focused Therapy: This type of therapy combines elements of CBT with other forms of psychotherapy that focus on reframing schemas, or the ways people view themselves. This approach is based on the idea that BPD stems from a dysfunctional self-image—possibly brought on by negative childhood experiences—that affects how people react to their environment, interact with others, and cope with problems or stress.
  • Systems Training for Emotional Predictability and Problem Solving (STEPPS) is a type of group therapy that aims to educate family members, significant others, and health care professionals about BPD and gives them guidance on how to interact consistently with the person with the disorder using the STEPPS approach and terminology. STEPPS is designed to supplement other treatments the patient may be receiving, such as medication or individual psychotherapy.

Medication:

There are no known medications that can treat BPD as a whole. A mental health professional may recommend medications to treat specific symptoms, such as mood swings, depression, or other disorders that may occur with BPD.  
••Dependent personality disorder (DPD)•• 

With this diagnosis you are likely to take a passive position with regard to your own life, allowing others to assume responsibility for many areas of your life. You are likely to lack selfconfidence, assuming that the needs of others take precedence to yours. You may find it very hard to even recognise that you have rights and needs. This can leave you in a very vulnerable position as you are reliant on others looking out for your needs and not abusing the position you take within relationships. Other people are more likely to identify this vulnerability as they recgonise your passivity and submissiveness .
People with this disorder do not trust their own ability to make decisions and feel that others have better ideas. They may be devastated by separation and loss, and they may go to great lengths, even suffering abuse, to stay in a relationship. Other symptoms include:

  • Difficulty making decisions without reassurance from others
  • Extreme passivity
  • Problems expressing disagreements with others
  • Avoiding personal responsibility
  • Avoiding being alone
  • Devastation or helplessness when relationships end
  • Unable to meet ordinary demands of life
  • Preoccupied with fears of being abandoned
  • Easily hurt by criticism or disapproval
  • Willingness to tolerate mistreatment and abuse from others

Complications of this disorder may include depression, alcohol and drug abuse, and susceptibility to physical, emotional and sexual abuse.

Treatment:

Psychotherapy is the preferred form of treatment for people with dependent personality disorder. Cognitive-behavioral therapy focuses on patterns of thinking that are maladaptive, the beliefs that underlie such thinking and resolving symptoms or traits that are characteristic of the disorder, such as the inability to make important life decisions or the inability to initiate relationships. Improvements are usually seen only with long-term therapy or treatment.

Medication:

Certain types of drugs such as antidepressants, sedatives and tranquilizers are often prescribed for patients with dependent personality disorder to treat co-occurring conditions.

••Histrionic personality disorder (HPD)•• 

This disorder is characterised by extreme or over-dramatic behaviour, with a need to be the centre of attention. If you have this diagnosis, you may form relationships quickly, but be demanding and attention-seeking. You may also flirt or behave provocatively in order to ensure you attract or retain the attention of others. To others you may appear to be self-centred, with shallow emotions. While you crave attention, this may also be difficult as you may feel you have to entertain others, be the life and soul of the party and that you are dependent on the approval of other people.

You are likely to: 

  • feel very uncomfortable if you are not the centre of attention
  • feel much more at ease as the ‘life and soul of the party’
  • feel that you have to entertain people
  • flirt or behave provocatively to ensure that you remain the centre of attention
  • get a reputation for being dramatic and overemotional
  • feel dependent on the approval of others
  • be easily influenced by others

Treatment:

Treatment can be difficult if you have HPD. Like many people with HPD, you might think you don’t need treatment, or you might find the routine of a treatment program to be unappealing. However, therapy — and sometimes medications — can help you cope with HPD. Psychotherapy is the most common and effective treatment choice for HPD. This kind of therapy involves talking to a therapist about your feelings and experiences. Such talks can help you and your therapist determine the reasoning behind your actions and behaviors. Your therapist may be able to help you learn how to relate with people in a positive manner, instead of continually trying to get attention from them.

Medication:

If the patient experiences depression or anxiety as a part of their HPD, their primary care provider might put them on antidepressants or antianxiety medication.

••Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)••

People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder have significant problems with their sense of self-worth stemming from a powerful sense of entitlement. This leads them to believe they deserve special treatment, and to assume they have special powers, are uniquely talented, or that they are especially brilliant or attractive. Their sense of entitlement can lead them to act in ways that fundamentally disregard and disrespect the worth of those around them.

You are likely to: 

  • believe that there are special reasons that make you different, better or more deserving than others
  • have fragile self-esteem, so that you rely on others to recognise your worth and your needs
  • feel upset if others ignore you and don’t give you what you feel you deserve
  • resent other people’s successes
  • put your own needs above other people’s, and demand they do too
  • be seen as selfish and ‘above yourself’
  • take advantage of other people. 

Treatment:

Narcissistic personality disorder treatment is centered around talk therapy, also called psychotherapy. Psychotherapy can help you:

  • Learn to relate better with others so your relationships are more intimate, enjoyable and rewarding
  • Understand the causes of your emotions and what drives you to compete, to distrust others, and perhaps to despise yourself and others

Medication:

There are no medications specifically used to treat narcissistic personality disorder. However, if you have symptoms of depression, anxiety or other conditions, medications such as antidepressants or anti-anxiety drugs may be helpful. 

••Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD)•• 

A person with this disorder tends to have difficulties in expressing warm or tender emotions to others. They are frequently perfectionists, things must be done in their own way. They often lack clarity in seeing other perspectives or ways of doing things, and their rigid attention to detail may prevent them from completing tasks. OCPD is separate from obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), which describes a form of behaviour rather than a type of personality.   

You are likely to:

  • need to keep everything in order and under control
  • set unrealistically high standards for yourself and others
  • think yours is the best way of making things happen
  • worry when you or others might make mistakes
  • expect catastrophes if things aren’t perfect
  • be reluctant to spend money on yourself or others
  • have a tendency to hang on to items with no obvious value. 

Treatment:

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a common type of mental health counseling. During CBT, you meet with a mental health professional on a structured schedule. These regular sessions involve working with your counselor to talk through any anxiety, stress, or depression. A mental health counselor may encourage you to put less emphasis on work and more emphasis on recreation, family, and other interpersonal relationships. Relaxation training involves specific breathing and relaxation techniques that can help decrease your sense of stress and urgency. These symptoms are common in OCPD. Examples of recommended relaxation practices include yoga, tai chi, and Pilates.

Medication:

Usually, a SSRI type medication is prescribed to decrease inflexible and detail-oriented thinking. 

••Paranoid personality disorder (PPD)•• 

People with this diagnosis are often emotionally detached and suspicious of other people and their motives. They may hold longstanding grudges, and believe that other people are not trustworthy, are deceiving, threatening, or making plans against them.

  • People with this disorder assume that others are out to harm them, take advantage of them, or humiliate them in some way.
  • They put a lot of effort into protecting themselves and keeping their distance from others.
  • They are known to preemptively attack others whom they feel threatened by.
  • They tend to hold grudges, are litigious, and display pathological jealously.
  • Distorted thinking is evident. Their perception of the environment includes reading malevolent intentions into genuinely harmless, innocuous comments or behavior, and dwelling on past slights.
  • Their emotional life tends to be dominated by distrust and hostility.
  • For these reasons, they do not confide in others and do not allow themselves to develop close relationships.

Treatment:

talk therapy or psychotherapy are helpful. These methods will:

  • help the individual learn how to cope with the disorder
  • learn how to communicate with others in social situations
  • help reduce feelings of paranoia

Medication:

Medications may include:

  • antidepressants
  • benzodiazepines
  • antipsychotics

Combining medication with talk therapy or psychotherapy can be very successful.

••Schizoid personality disorder•• 

People diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder tend to have difficulties in expressing emotions, particularly around warmth or tenderness. They often feel shy in company, but may come across as aloof or remote, and have difficulty in developing or maintaining social relationships.

  • They almost always chose solitary activities, and seem to take little pleasure in life.
  • These “loners” often prefer mechanical or abstract activities that involve little human interaction and appear indifferent to both criticism and praise.
  • Emotionally, they seem aloof, detached, and cold.
  • They may be oblivious to social nuance and social cues causing them to appear socially inept and superficial.
  • Their restricted emotional range and failure to reciprocate gestures or facial expressions (such a smiles or nods of agreement) cause them to appear rather dull, bland, or inattentive.

The Schizoid Personality Disorder appears to be rather rare.

Treatment:

Cognitive behavioral therapy is designed to change behavior. It can be successful in treating this condition because you will learn how to act in social situations. This may reduce anxiety and reluctance to pursue social relationships. Group therapy is another option and can help you practice your social skills. This will help you become more comfortable in social situations.

Medication:

Medication is generally not used unless other treatment methods are not working. Bupropion may be used to increase feelings of pleasure. Antipsychotic medications can be used to treat feelings of indifference. These medications can also help encourage social interactions.

••Schizotypal personality disorder (STPD)•• 

A person with this disorder typically has problems around developing interpersonal relationships. The condition is characterised by thought disorders and paranoia. To others they may appear odd or eccentric; they may dress or behave inappropriately, for example talking to themselves in public.

  • Unlike the Schizoid Personality Disorder, they also experience perceptual and cognitive distortions and/or eccentric behavior.
  • People with Schizotypal Personality Disorder have odd beliefs, for instance, they may believe they can read other people’s thoughts, or that that their own thoughts have been stolen from their heads.
  • Schizotypal Personality Disorder tends to be found more frequently in families where someone has been diagnosed with Schizophrenia; a severe mental disorder with the defining feature of psychosis (the loss of reality testing). There is some indication that these two distinct disorders share genetic commonalities
  • These perceptual abnormalities may include noticing flashes of light no one else can see, or seeing objects or shadows in the corner of their eyes and then realizing that nothing is there.
  • These odd or superstitious beliefs and fantasies are inconsistent with cultural norms.

Treatment:

Several types of therapy can help treat STPD. Psychotherapy, or talk therapy, can help you learn how to form relationships. You can get this type of therapy along with social skills training to help you feel more comfortable in social situations.

Cognitive behavioral therapy can help you address some of the behaviors associated with your condition. Your therapist can help you learn how to act in social situations and respond to social cues. They can also help you learn to recognize unusual or harmful thoughts and change them.

Family therapy may be helpful, especially if you live with others. It can help you strengthen your relationships with family members. It may also help you to feel more supported by your family.

Medication:

No medications are designed to treat STPD specifically. However, some people with this condition benefit from taking antipsychotic or antidepressant drugs if they’re experiencing symptoms that their doctor thinks be improved with these medications. 

**A Former Journalist’s Perspective on the Above:

Ok guys, let’s stop for a second and break this down–

Things Rian has said:

–There will not be a Han-Leia TYPE romance.
–I.e. this will not be a frustrating, unrequited love type thing.
–This TYPE of relationship dynamic will not be a centerpiece.

Things the VF writer assumed from Rian’s statement:

–That this somehow means there will be no romance at all.
–They assumed that just because the romance wouldn’t be the unrequited type that that somehow means no other kinds of romance at all. That is NOT what Rian said.

I used to work as a journalist for a massive international news network, and let me tell you- the number one mistake we were NEVER allowed to make was *assume* something from a statement- ‘assumptions’ being the hallmark of American journalism.

If I were responsible for writing or researching this story for my past job, I’d have had to get a direct quote saying “there is *no* romance in 8″. Hands down, if I did not have that direct quote, I would NEVER have been allowed to make such a statement. But not only is that quote NOT here, but the writer makes the egregious mistake of *assuming* that one type not being there is equivalent to NONE being there.

This, my friends, is most likely going to backfire. A bit like how JJ let slip that Rey’s parents weren’t in 7 and then badly tried to backpedal in a later statement.

Basically I think Rian will come back and personally amend the article’s assumption, either through twitter or in another interview. Because going by his quote, this is literally ALL you can *actually* take from it:

Things that Rian ACTUALLY said according to his statement, without the writer’s assumptions tacked on:

–The TYPE of romance Han and Leia had, i.e. grump vs. lovable cad, is not a type we’ll see here.
–That type of romance seen in the OT will not be a “centerpiece” to this trilogy”


Things Rian did NOT say according to his statement:

–There will be no romance (he did not say this!! He only specified a certain type!)
–That there will be no Rey-Kylo romance. (he did NOT say this! Again, he only specified a certain type! Not a pairing)
–That there will be no Finn-Poe romance. (again, he didn’t say this! Stormpilot wouldn’t even have the potential to fit into the angst dynamic Rian describes anyway)


Keep in mind the writer’s reporting bias!

The writer specifically pointed out ships by name. This is a person who has at least read a buzzfeed article about different types of SW ships, and yes, if you don’t think journalists read other peoples’ work for leads on their own stories, you’re dreaming- we do it constantly. If this person was out to debunk all ships, considering the writer works for ‘Vanity Fair’ and NOT a news outlet, he could swing Rian’s “not this TYPE of romance” statement in any direction he personally wanted to. And it seems he took it and turned it into an assumption of ‘no romance’ when Rian clearly never said that, is not quoted as saying that, only said that a certain TYPE of romance we’ve seen in the past wouldn’t be there. 

Short FAQ:

Q: But wouldn’t LF/Disney have to approve the article before it’s published to make sure it’s accurate???
A: NO. This is not how journalism, even the type VF does, works. I’ve had people in the past ask me for advance copies of stories to ‘approve’ and we’ve always politely told them no and subtly that that was an absurd request. SW also has a VERY long-running relationship with VF, which would mean an even more hands-off approach anyway.

So Let’s Make Our Own More Educated, Objective Assumptions (since the fandom aren’t journalists and allowed to):

–Everyone is STILL outrightly dodging the topic of discussing the Kylo/Rey dynamic. This is significant. This is the type of bone you want to chase. Clearly nobody’s being allowed to. Remember who is depicted on the teaser poster!

–Since only a certain TYPE of romantic dynamic we’ve seen in the past won’t be happening, that leaves us with a whole slew of others. If unrequited love isn’t on the menu, then the opposite of that is REQUITED. If it won’t be “burning”, then it could be MEANINGFUL. All Rian’s done is scratched one potential item off the menu- it doesn’t meant the rest of the menu isn’t still there! When you look at most of our fanfiction anyway, is it really unrequited love? Or is it almost always an underlying understanding of “Oh god, this is happening- this is scary but it’s almost fatalistically inevitable!” We may not have been barking up the wrong tree here on how this will play out.

–When Carrie was asked at the 2016 Wizard World con in Chicago if any of the characters would be friends with Kylo (who she kept calling “her son”) the FIRST WORDS out of her mouth were “Well Rey is very forgiving…” but then after the slip (yes, slip!) she immediately tried to backpedal and say “He’s an asshole”. THAT, my friends is solid- Carrie was asked about friendship with Kylo, and the first person she names is Rey. No, she did not say directly that they would be friends- she CAN’T say something THAT specific. Saying something like that would be extremely specific. But the fact that she named ONE character in a POSITIVE vein with regards to Kylo is the closest she can legally get to saying “Rey and Kylo will have a working, friendly relationship at the minimum” without the Disney lawyers coming after her, which is why she amended with a negative statement by calling Kylo an “asshole”.

KEEP IN MIND: Production for the new SW films is slippery as fuck. They will wrap you up in semantics if they think they can make your brain redirect, and then when something actually DOES happen later, smile enigmatically, shrug their shoulders, and quote obi-wan by saying “Well by a certain point of view!”

So to recap on the highlights:

-DON’T let a writer’s possible anti-shipping bias influence you
-DON’T let poor assumptive journalism confuse you- again, making assumptions without the blatant facts to back them up are a classic hallmark of American journalism and international journalists are VERY keenly aware of this problem and have to work around it constantly
-DON’T take Rian’s statement about ONE TYPE of romance happening to mean *no* romance is happening because that is NOT what he said!

Personally, I’m not that concerned- I do not feel that reylo is impacted by this guy’s assumptions nor Rian’s statements because all he’s said is that OT-type unrequited love won’t be a main strain of the story. Well that leaves a bazillion other juicy possibilities. This writer has made some assumptions that *cast* members have already somewhat contradicted, and personally I’m more inclined to believe them than some dude writing for VF. I also do not condone supposedly reputable publications twisting around quotations from production and making *massive* assumptions, because what this guy has done is exactly that. It’s *massive* to sweep *ALL* romance off the board when Rian didn’t even say that!! This clear bias and disregard for what was actually said makes me question the validity of the rest of his articles. If I were still working in journalism looking for story leads, I’d take things this guy has said with a grain of salt and tread very carefully after reading a good word twisting like that. Those are the sorts of things that make reporting very unreliable.

I’m not sure how to end this, so I’ll just say that I hope this has helped, I hope this has also shed some light on how these things work and how they SHOULDN’T work, and frankly, KEEP SHIPPING, GUYS because I don’t think anything has been killed or debunked or anything like that. If anything I feel like if unrequited love isn’t happening, the requited love is that much more of a strong possibility and BOY should that make the ants quake in their boots with fear. >:3

Credit to @sleemo for the above screencap and for letting me use it- thanks friend.

This week I decided to do something a little different–video recs instead of fic recs! Which will return next week, but today I wanted to cry over STAR WARS videos for awhile and, sure, there’s some absolutely hilarious vids or really exciting, awesome vids, too! But there’s also a bunch of them that totally put tears in my eyes because why are you like this, Star Wars?

Long post under the cut!  (Categories:  Humor, The Sads, Shipper, Meta, Awesome, Serious Fanvids)
(Last updated:  2017.06.28)

STAR WARS - HUMOR
 VIDS:

Fuck This Shit, sequel trilogy
  I thought, okay, I’m going to rewatch this one to write a quick rec, I’m not going to laugh this time. I STILL BURST OUT LAUGHING, even knowing it was coming.
Firework, sequel trilogy/cast
   I laugh every single time I watch this video, this is it, this is me as a Star Wars fan. It’s one of those that takes a serious moment and puts a fun song over it and the result is magic.
Turn Down For What, prequel trilogy
   I will rewatch Satine’s epic speech with dramatic background music every time.
Palpatine Shooting Stars + Shooting Star, prequel trilogy, original trilogy, sequel trilogy
   I love this song more and more every time I see these videos, they’re hilarious. It’s kind of the epitome of meme culture but goddamn if it doesn’t make me genuinely laugh.
BLOCKED, prequel trilogy
   Never has this been so accurate. 

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Pillow Talk #6: Magic ~

PS: This PT inspired a whole fanfic that will try and fix season 7′s mess. Soon to be published in about a week.

His chick had worked magic on him tonight. 

Just half an hour ago, he had been the most tired he has ever felt, but the second her lips moved in that slow and soft way of hers to tell him she wanted him, all of it was gone and his desire for her had worked them out nicely to the point he couldn’t stop smiling.

Jackie was panting beside him, sweating even if she would never admit it, and Hyde looked at her. Her perfect hair was also a mess, but the wide of her smile took his attention immediately and he had to roll over, kiss her and breathe her in again.

“You know, people it’s going to notice we aren’t up there…” He said, carefully lying over her without letting his whole weight crush her. “Not that I care, but… I thought you liked that stuff.”

“Oh, I do!” Her hands went to his cheeks, and she caressed his face softly. Hyde closed his eyes, knowing he was smiling as she kept loving him tender. “But I like it more here. Don’t you?”

“Way better than anywhere else.”

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anonymous asked:

Bee, I'm taking a shot in the dark here and I know it's probably annoying but I'm dying for even a taste. Can you just jot down even the smallest hint of an imagine with Shawn? Doesn't have to be smut. Maybe just leading to a kiss with an older woman who maybe works for him? Like The Assistant reimagined. You hate me I know but help a desperate girl out...

Ugh fuck it. I’m weak and bored and have had a shit time writing anything lately so why not use it as a damn writing exercise.

BEFORE ANY OF Y’ALL START! I am NOT starting a fic. I am NOT taking requests. I am NOT going into the Shawn Fic black hole. Maybe on occasion if I so feel, I will shoot out blurbs just for fun but it will not be a series, fic or anything like that.

SO whatever, here’s a blurb. It’s not smutty so don’t get too excited and I don’t even know if I love it but TAKE IT OT OF MY HANDS.

“What about this one?” Liv held up the seventh shirt she’d plucked from the rack in front of her but was still getting ignored. “Shawn,” she said his name dead toned, wagging the shirt on the tip of her finger. “Shawn,” she repeated, resorting to grabbing an empty hanger and hitting him on the shoulder with it.

“Ow! What?” He raised his shoulder and looked at her, finally breaking from his conversation with three of his crew members.

“The shirt. Yes?”

“Whatever,” he shrugged and went back to his conversation leaving Liv to drop her arm at her side and lean her forehead forward on the rack in front of her in defeat. She’d worked this job for two months already and it wasn’t getting any easier. She had to dress him. That’s it. Seemed easy enough. Not when the client was eighteen and completely disinterested in fashion. She tried to get him to express any kind of enthusiasm over a piece before she put it on him but it was a moot point.

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Toronto Maple Messes & Me: A Love Story

So…the Leafs did a thing. You know, the thing that we were too scared to even say because, yes I love my team, and I believe in them, but they’re the Leafs. I have trust issues, okay? But because they did the thing, I can finally say, THEY ARE GOING TO FUCKING PLAYOFFS BABY!!!

I am a newly minted hockey fan. I knew giants played on frozen water, with knives tied to their shoes but I knew next to nothing about the sport itself. Then one day, for whatever reason, my youtube decides I should watch a video from one Steve Dangle. This was about a week before the World Cup of Hockey started, and Steve was talking about why he couldn’t root for Canada as they were the Goliath of Hockey, compared to (my forever and ever team, amen) Team North America, and the slightly insane person in me recognized a fellow lost cause, I guess. So I looked up the schedules and read a little bit about what Team North America was (Canada exists? And so does USA? But Team North America ALSO exists? Why? Who? What?). Fast forward to the first WCH Team NA game against Finland, and these little shits come out with guns blazing. And their goal song….the gimmick team, the one that was going to get schooled by all the Vets…these fuckers decided to play “Opposite of Adults” as their goal song, and I fucking fell, and fell hard. For the team, for the players, but most of all, for the game. The speed, the skill, the strategy, the beauty of every pass, every goal, the cellys, the heart palpitations and the emotional outbursts. I experienced every range of emotions while I watched the game, and I was hooked.

And to a girl who didn’t have any friends or family who were into any sports, let alone hockey, watching a guy on the screen scream back at me every single thought I had while I watched the game, was strangely enthralling. For a while back then, it was the only way to “share” the joy that this game was giving me, and that translated into me being tricked into rooting for Toronto Maple Leafs (Thanks, Steve!).

And my god, what a trip this has been! From the 4 goals by Auston Matthews in his first NHL game, to Mitch’s stunning first goal at the ACC, to Nylander’s dirty fucking snipes, to Hyman’s short handed goals, to Downtown Connor Brown’s amazing amazing season, to Zaits saving the team and my ass every single night, to Sosh’s chippy, fighty plays, to Kappy’s fashionably late, yet absolutely timely fucking first NHL goal. An absolutely ridiculous rookie crop! They broke so many records that the entirety of hockey media had a hard time keeping up with them. When else will you be able to experience such a team again? And I got to do it in the first fucking hockey season of my life. Talk about good fucking timing!

And the Vets were no less, of course. Naz, JVR, Bozie all having career years. Marty, Boyle and Leo, pitching in when needed and keeping the team afloat. Mo (Captain My Captain) jumping in like superman and making those saves. Gards, for all my threats to beat him with fishes, had some brilliant OT winners without which we wouldn’t be where we are. Connor fight me Carrick, with just relentless defense, tiring the other teams out. Hunlak, for as much shit as they catch, had some amazing moments towards the latter half of the season as well. And of course, Marchenko with that goal against his old team proving that it’s not just ex-Leafs that get that chance. Marincin, filling the defensive gap when needed. Leivo, taking every measly chance he was given to help this team out, and prove why he belongs on the team. And Fehr, of course, giving us a fehr chance against CBJ, maybe winning us that game, even.

And last but by no means least, Andersen and McElhinney. By his own team’s admittance, Freddie has been the heart and soul of the team, and I have no doubt that they wouldn’t be where they are today if it weren’t for how absolutely amazing Freddie had been this season. Goaltending, so many times, is such a thankless job. You don’t get the recognition you deserve sometimes when your team keeps winning, but as soon as the tide turns, the entire focus is on you, but Freddie faced that challenge and fucking stared it down, and in the process won all our hearts. And Mac, put in so many challenging situations, called to relieve Freddie twice, during make or break games, asked to start in games that could have sunk us, and coming through for the team.

This was a team that wasn’t even in the conversation for playoffs when the season started. They defied expectations, they fought tooth and nail to get where they are, and I for one, am so so proud to be a fan of this team. And I cannot ever express how wonderful and lucky I feel to be a part of this amazing season that this team has had. This, I firmly believe, is once in a lifetime experience, and I am terribly glad I got to experience it first hand. No matter what happens in the playoffs, I am proud to calling this mess of a team mine.

PS: Callout to all the Leafs GC gang and the friends on tumblr for giving me someone to scream with, and making the experience that much more amazing and memorable!

Edit Annotating some of 9.06

Ok, so I was looking through Mick’s last scene in 12.17 but I got distracted by the blocking… and Homeward Bound. I also still have to rewatch 12.18 again to finish that post, but @obsessionisaperfume talked about 9.06 and it intrigued me to have a look again since it does heavily remind me of the current arc with Cas. It’s also on Netflix so yay not dealing with ads. I had used this lens before but actually writing it down showed some interesting patterns. Have 3 scenes from 9.06 with Cas and Dean annotated with editing.

As before, bold text doesn’t necessarily mean important, it just means coverage. Not in coverage is a reaction shot. I’ll note inserts of other things but  there really aren’t many. These scenes are all pretty focused.

Some notes about these scenes: There is a lot of OTS (over the shoulder). This shot is often used to show connection and closeness. Having a character in 2D space OTS minimizes the space between the characters in the shot. It also builds a connection and sense of space. Some of these shots could be considered a 2 shot, but they sort of osculate between 2 shot and OTS.

Both denote connection, the 2 shot says that what’s happening from both characters is important.(unless the focus is the environment or space. You can usually tell which is being used when in practice) In western film, if the shot is close, the subject is important, if the subject is far, the environment or space is important. People generally take a more individualistic approach in western cinema, so if someone is in the shot with another character, it probably means something. It could mean that whatever is happening affects both of them, or it could mean that they are the only couple in the crowd. It depends on the narrative.

Scenes below with notes:

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Happier

Hey Guys! Sorry it’s been a while since I posted. I am working on part 2 of “His Redhead Girl” but this is another idea, I got that I had to run with. I usually don’t write a lot with lyrics but I one of the songs on the new Ed Sheeran album gave me this idea and I had to run with it. I didn’t include the lyrics in the story, but I highly suggest listening to the song while reading, before or after you read if you haven’t heard it. It’s called “Happier”. All of the songs on the album are perfection so there might another one of these stories with a different song if you guys like this one. If you would like a part two to this one, I’m open to that too so just let me know! Thank you! As always, let me know what you think! I love reading your comments. Like/Reblog! 


They had loved with everything. The intensity was irreplicable but still, they had gotten torn apart. Torn apart because of being too similar, torn apart because of busy schedules, torn apart because of misunderstandings, but mainly-torn apart because there became a point where love just wasn’t enough. Yes, they loved each other but everything else became too much. The pressure from the public, the pressure from the job and everything that came with it.

So they separated. Sharna and Val had decided it was best for them and everyone around them if they broke things off where they were. It was better for them to be friends. Nothing more, nothing less. So that’s exactly what they did. They both pushed down their feelings and tried to go on like things were back to normal. But they both knew, there was still something there. Whenever they looked at each other they could feel it, whenever they touched they could feel it, and whenever they danced everyone could feel it. They both still loved the other, that much was evident to everyone. Still, they knew it was the best for them to remain apart.

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@sammiielli @fan-fiction-galore
This is my piece for the Dog Days of Summer Writing Challenge. This is the first piece that I’ve actually posted that’s about a wrestler. I will admit I had a bit of difficulty writing this because I couldn’t decide on who to write for and then I was afraid that it would be too out of character but fuck it, yolo. The following list were my prompts:

Quote 7: Wait no I didn’t-I didn’t mean it like that!

Location 12: The side of the road in the desert

Situation 1: The car has broken down and you two are fighting.

I would love feedback but please, make sure it’s creative criticism and not hate/complaints because honestly I don’t have time for that. Normally I do not get anything like that but I know wrestling fans tend to be a bit crazy( I mean that in the nicest way possible.)

Pairing: Marty Scurll x Reader, Pete Dunne x Reader;
Word Count: 3,562
Warnings: mentions of smut, mentions of suicide
A/N: Literally just repeating myself, I would LOVE feedback.

Below the cut you shall find probably the greatest fic I have ever written.

Originally posted by cruelteaparty

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Part of the cost of freedom of speech is that you’re going to hear a lot of gibberish from a lot of fools. Part of the point of freedom of speech is that you don’t get to prevent stupid people from saying stupid things. 

This means racists etc. will get to say things that sensible people do not want to hear. Censorship or physical violence are terrible responses to the expression of bad ideas (for lots of reasons, but mostly because it paradoxically validates those opinions for the intended audience: hint - it’s not you). 

The good news is that the best response to terrible ideas is great ideas. 

Make sure people hear your great ideas.


Update 8 August 2017 (from the comments):

outspokenblackman

You’re full of shit. Freedom of speech does not mean people can say whatever they want without consequence, regardless of how they dish out said consequence. 

Yes, no and maybe. 

Yes: Freedom of speech does not mean people can say whatever they want “without consequence”. In fact, freedom of speech protects various consequences.

No: Said consequences must be legal, for reasons which I hope are obvious to you. At the risk of coming across as patronising, violently assaulting people is not legal.

Maybe: I might be full of shit. I’ll have to leave that up to the judgement of my followers. 

The argument that “you’re just proving them right” is weak, very weak to those who are fed up of people being complacent and turning the other cheek UNTIL it happens to them.

I said that they were “lots of reasons”. I certainly never said the thing you put in quote marks. (If you’re going to use quote marks, it’s traditional to ensure the content inside is verbatim.) 

This is my argument: If your preferred method of protest can be used with pride by confirmed Nazis as a validation of their choices, maybe you should re-think that method. 

Physical, or verbal violence does not equate to proving them right, period. 

I never claimed it did. I’m assuming throughout this whole thing that the racists are making very weak arguments regardless of the response. Aren’t you?

And since when do racists listen to ideas outside of the ones shuffling through their own de-compartmentalized heads? 

That’s more a demonstration of my point than yours. Read my post again, more carefully. 

500 years of slavery, 50+ years of Jim Crow and now we have KKK-lite and people thought all of that were “great ideas”. 

OK. And?

Your dismissive tone pisses me off. 

Try to forget about what you imagine my tone is, and concentrate on the words I’m typing.

Mind you, poc are being abused by the very same people who wear those hoods at night and have modern-day jobs during the day, they couldn’t give two-fucks about your idea of “great ideas”.

You might be right. However, not giving “two-fucks” is still better than being empowered, which is what happens when you use violence against them. They gain power. I would prefer to avoid empowering racists if I could.

This is so obvious that it seems to me the only reason anyone would use violence against these racist asshats would be as some sort of personal revenge fantasy.

Again, the best response to terrible ideas is great ideas.

paleoblogger

>blog for atheism>apologist for islam

There is literally nothing in my post which either states or implies any sort of defence of Islam or any other religion. If you want ot learn more about my position on Islam, please feel free to check my Islam tag

Headcanon: Shouya Ishida

1. The realization of karma when he was a child, as he was dumped in that pool was a striking memory, especially when his hands hold a notebook that does not belong to him. This also led to him becoming empathic in high school.

2. He doesn’t really need to style his hair– but growing up in a salon has earned him tricks. So he can actually style other people’s hair better– from teaching Kawai how to braid her hair in the past, and giving cute hairstyles to Yuzuru and Shouko in the future.

3. He was pretty famous as a part-timer for the five years he worked for getting all the money needed to pay back his mother for the hearing aids. It did hurt a bit to see all that get burned away. Sometimes, he drops by his old jobs to greet the owner and get along with them. In this way, while he might have earned a reputation with his peers, the adults knew he was pushing for the better– but they do not interfere in his life (which is terribly sad, but important, because he needs to learn to rise again on his own feet than be told of this).

4. He gets along pretty well with children. He once had a part-time job in a children’s day care center, a year before his supposed-suicide- and actively sought to teach children to treat one another nicer and better so that no one gets hurt or bullied. The children does adore him– which made him guilty because he has done all those worng things (deliberately misunderstanding and thinking he isn’t a good example).

5. The sting of betrayal and broken friendship means that he will probably never be able to let his guard down around Shimada and Keisuke, by extension even Kawai, Ueno and Sahara. However, Shouya did keep an album of their friendship, and sometimes he glances through it to wonder. 

6. He taught his family how to sign, so Shouko was shocked when he got her around to meet them officially. This was one of the few things that led Yuzuru to trusting him and stop actively pushing him away.

7. He has only ever asked about his father once. When he saw his mother’s eyes fill with so many unshed tears, he has never asked again and resolved ot work harder. When his mother paid for his sins to Nishimiya’s family, it was one of those things that he sincerely regretted so much - hurting her, especially when he was the one at fault.

8. Trigger warning: he once contemplated about cutting. However, his house only had scissors where he remembers learning from his mother how to cut people’s hair, to make them let go of the past and move forward, as a testament of his mother singlehandedly raising her family. While he would had reached probably for other materials, the sharp edges just reminds him of scissors in the hands of his mother. So he never attempted to cut, and decided instead on jumping off a high bridge– something people would have usually connected to him.

9. Sometime he wonders what it would have been to instead be friends with Mashiba and Nagatsuka instead in elementary. Sometimes, he’s happy they weren’t, in fear that he will have also hurt them. Sometimes, he wonders maybe they would be friends earlier.

10. Ishida isn’t aware that he is likeable. In the past, as a child, he recognizes that he should follow rules but chooses not to, preferring to do as he wanted. This led to a lot of his peers, even Shouko, liking him then. In the present, awkward and anxious he might have grown into, he still had a certain charisma around him. It’s just that the news of his past sins and rumors of him that made other people stay away from him. However, he was attention catching despite being a loner, as noted when people could have dismissed him but he was genuinely reocgnized as a nice guy later on when everyone else tried to know him better.

Always Mine - Chapter 3

[Chapter One] [Chapter Two]

A/N: Here is chapter 3! I just wanted to thank all of you again for the tremendous amount of support on this story. It truly means a lot to me. I just recently started to think about a schedule for updating and I think I’m going to try and update every Sunday and Thursday. I hope you guys like this chapter and please feel free to let me know what you think!



Chapter Three:


Katherine sighed tiredly as she walked out of the hospital. She had just finished her shift at the nursery in the hospital where the staff could bring their children. Now don’t get her wrong, she loved her job. But with five infants and five toddlers, it could be a long day. Add on to the fact she had just gotten a phone call from her mother, nagging her about when she’d be coming back home to Atlanta.


Katherine had been lucky enough to get the job a couple months after finishing her degree in early childhood education. Sure her parent’s weren’t thrilled about her going to Virginia by herself. After all, she was only twenty two. But she assured them she’d be fine and she was.


She was so tired, she didn’t even realize the strap on her purse was close to breaking until it snapped and fell off her shoulder, sending all her belongings to the ground.


Groaning loudly, she immediately bent down, careful on how she moved since she was only wearing a sweater dress. She had gotten everything except she couldn’t find her car keys.


She started looking around her. She had been turned around when she heard a deep voice from above her.


Looking for these?” Turning around, Katherine looked up to see a tall, handsome man standing in front of her with a coffee cup in one hand and her car keys in the other. She smiled and stood up.


“I was. Thank you.” He handed the keys over to her and looked at her purse.


Should probably fucking fix that.” Katherine looked down at her broken bag and nodded.


Yea I know. Guess I should have known it was on it’s last leg.” She tucked a lock of her brown hair around her ear, something she always did when she was nervous and boy was she nervous. There was a handsome man in front of her and she saw the way his eyes looking her up and down.


They stood in silence for a few seconds before Katherine smiled.


“Well thank you for finding my keys.” The man nodded as she walked around him and started making her way back ot her car.


Wait!” Katherine’s eyes widened as she turned back around. The man was smirking at her as he walked up to her. “I did just fucking help you out. Don’t you think I deserve to know your name?”


Katherine’s cheeks flushed and she bit her bottom lip.


Well I don’t usually give my name out to strangers. How do I know you’re not crazy?” The man gave a deep laugh. He grinned and poked his tongue out between his lips, licking them.


I fucking promise you, Doll. I’m not crazy.” Katherine felt butterflies in her stomach when he called her doll. She looked up at him as he kept the smirk on his face, waiting for her response. Sighing quietly to herself, she spoke.


I’m Katherine.” The man grinned and nodded.


“Katherine. That’s a nice fucking name.” Katherine blushed and smiled.


Thank you. And what’s your name?”


The man smirked.


Negan.”


Katherine’s heart clenched at the memory she just had. That had been the first time she had ever met Negan. She remembered thinking how handsome he was and how much he seemed to like to curse. After their first meeting, she never thought she’d see him again but the next day while she was working on the nursery, he came and visited. Even to this day, she didn’t know how he knew where in the hospital she worked.


She stared blankly out the windshield as they continued to drive. She tried to move as far away from Negan as possible. She could feel his eyes on her but never looked his way. She wasn’t shocked when he took her. Hell, she would have been more shocked if he hadn’t but that didn’t mean she was silently hoping her father came and rescued her.


The cab of the truck they were in shook as they hit a bump in the road.


‘Probably a walker’ she thought.


“Fucking take it easy, Davey. We got special cargo with us.” Negan smirked, wrapping an arm around Katherine’s shoulder’s. Katherine tensed, much to Negan’s amusement.


“Relax them shoulder’s, Kitty Kat. No need to be so fucking scared.” He laughed but Katherine just remained quiet and tense.


It was mid afternoon by the time they got to where Katherine assumed was their camp. She watched as they pulled into a big factory. She swallowed the lump in her throat and willed herself not to cry. When the truck stopped, Negan opened his door and stepped out, grabbing Lucille before looking at Katherine. He grabbed her right wrist and pulled her out of the truck.


Katherine stumbled slightly before standing straight. She couldn’t help but let her eyes wander. Her eyes widened when she saw a bunch of walkers off to the side in a caged yard. There looked to be men in there, pushing them away and trying to impale them on sticks.


“Welcome to The Sanctuary, Sweetheart.” Katherine looked up at him, seeing a smirk on his face as he let her wrist go and turned around to talk to his men.


Turning back around to look at all the trucks, she saw Dwight pulling Daryl out of one of them. She watched as Dwight started dragging him towards the factory. Their eyes locked and Daryl started to fight slightly but stopped when Dwight held a gun to him. Katherine shook her head slightly. Daryl had already been hurt. She didn’t want anything more to happen to him.


Katherine watched as Dwight pushed him into the factory and shut the door.


“Fuck, he’s a tough one. He’s gonna be fun to break.” Katherine jumped hearing Negan’s chuckling voice right in her ear. She hadn’t even realized he had snuck up on her. He swung an arm around her shoulder’s and smirked down at her. “Let’s go see your new fucking home.”


He started walking, pulling Katherine along with him.When they walked into the factory, she heard bustling down below them. Peaking her head over the railing of the platform they were on, she saw tons of people. Some were working while others were sitting around. She noticed how they looked up and immediately got down on one knee as her and Negan walked past. Negan hadn’t even acknowledged them. Instead he whistled and kept his grip on Katherine.


Katherine kept her eyes on the ground most of the time. She noticed how the floor go nicer as they walked through the factory. She didn’t know where they were going until Negan stopped, making her stop as well.


She looked up and saw a wooden door in front of them. Negan kept whistling as he pulled a key out of his jean pocket and slid it into the lock, unlocking the door. Once he heard the door clicked, he pushed it open and turned to Katherine, grinning at her.


“After you, Doll.”


Katherine looked at him confused, making no move to walk in. Negan just laughed and grabbed her wrist again, pulling her inside. Katherine stumbled but thankfully didn’t fall as she looked around. It was large bedroom. Larger than some of the ones back at Alexandria. It had two black couches, a small wooden coffee table in the middle of them. To her left was a king sized, four poster bed with navy sheets.


It didn’t take a genius to figure out where she was. She was in Negan’s bedroom.


Her heart started beating fast when she heard the bedroom door close and his heavy foosteps coming up right behind her. She tried not to tense when she felt two gloved hands settle on her shoulder’s.


“Make your self at fucking home, Kitty Kat.” He pushed her towards one of the couches. She could feel his eyes burning into her back as she slowly walked over and sat down. Quietly laughing to himself, he walked over and sat on the couch opposite of her. Leaning Lucille next to him, he pulled his gloves off and threw them down on the coffee table.


It was silent between the two for what seemed like forever. Katherine shocked herself by being the first one to speak.


“W-what are you gonna do with Daryl?”


Negan smirked.


“That’s all fucking up to him. But let’s not talk about him, let’s fucking talk about you.” He poked his tongue out between his teeth as he grinned at sat on the edge of the couch.

Originally posted by rikkisixx

 “Now where in the fuck did my little Kitty Kat run off to?”


Katherine swallowed the lump in her throat. He stared at her intently until she answered.


“B-back to Atlanta.” She hated how much her voice shook. She hated knowing how much one man scared her. Since the apocalypse, she thought she had gotten stronger both physically and mentally. But that seemed to have gone out the window now.


“Yea I should have fucking guessed that. You were always going on and on about how you wanted to fucking go home.”


All Katherine could do was nod. He was right. She had always talked about heading back home to Atlanta, even before everything went to shit with her and Negan. Negan becoming crazy just made her want to go home even more. But he was always there, persuading her some way or another to stay. It wasn’t until she had finally had enough that she left without saying good bye or anything.


Negan’s smile suddenly dropped as he stood up and walked over, sitting on the table in front of her. He grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him.


“Who the fuck gave you permission to leave me?” This was another thing she didn’t miss. His mood swings.


“ I didn’t need permission,” she said, trying to keep her voice even. Her answer only seemed to make him angrier since his grip tightened on her chin, making her wince.


“Now that’s where you’re fucking wrong, Katherine.” Katherine knew she was in trouble. Negan had rarely ever used her full name always calling her either Kitty Kat or Doll. He only used Katherine when they were fighting or he was angry at her. “You did need permission. My fucking permission.”


Katherine felt a tear fall from her eye as he continued.


“You are mine,” he growled. “You are in my home now and you will fucking listen to me or there will be severe consequences. This is a new fucking world, Doll, and I’m in charge now. Not your daddy, not that dumbass redneck. Me. Do we fucking understand each other?”


Katherine looked into his dark eyes. When she didn’t answer, he grabbed her chin harder, making her yelp.


“I said do we fucking understand each other?” He raised his voice that time. Katherine swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded as best she could since he had a hold of her chin. Negan nodded along with her.

“Good. Good fucking girl.”


She thought he was going to let her chin go but he didn’t. His eyes dropped down to her lips instead. He flicked his tongue out to lick his while he grinned.


“Ya know, that kiss back there was just to fucking piss your daddy off. Why don’t we have a proper one now.” Before she could answer, he pulled her into for another kiss. His rough lips claimed hers over and over again. 


Katherine didn’t kiss back. Instead her mind flashed back to another memory.


You know, I think my supervisor is beginning to think you’re stalking me.”


Negan laughed as he and Katherine walked side by side through the halls of the hospital, both heading out to their cars. It had been almost two weeks since they had first met and almost everyday since then, Negan would come visit her and the kids at the nursery. He would come just owards the end of her shift and then walk her out to her car afterwards.


She gonna call fucking security on me?” Katherine laughed and shook her head.


Probably not. But she’d probably give me the pepper spray she has.” Negan chuckled as they walked out of the hospital and towards where her car was.


I would be fucking pissed if you pepper sprayed me, Doll.”


Katherine laughed again, her stomach errupting with butterflies like it usually did whenever he called her Doll or Kitty Kat.


I wouldn’t. Unless you go crazy or something.” Negan smirked as they stopped in front of her 2012 black Nissan Altima.


Fuck, I already told you I’m not crazy.” Katherine smiled as she opened her driver’s side door and tossed her new purse inside. She stoo back up straight, jumping when Negan was right in front of her. Since he was taller than her, she had to look up at him. She felt a shiver run down her spine at the look in his eyes.


His hand came up to grip her chin.


“W-what are you-.”

Her question was cut off when she felt a pair of lips on her own. Katherine’s blue eyes widened before they fluttered shut and kissed back. This was something she had been wanting for almost a week now. She couldn’t help but smile to herself as they continued to kiss in the parking lot.


Unlike then, Katherine didn’t want this. She didn’t know what came over her, but she found herself pushing Negan away. Her actions shocked herself. She hadn’t pushed him away when he did it in front of her father, so why did she push him away now?

'It’s cause you’re not in front of your friends and family who Negan could have hurt had you pushed him away.’ Her brain said to her.


She expected Negan to be mad but instead he just laughed.


“I fucking get it, Doll. You’re still upset about everything. Still in fucking shock about us being back together. I get it.”


He stood up and walked over, pouring himself a drink from the cart that was across the room. Katherine sat there, her thoughts racing.


“Who were all those people down there?” She asked after a few seconds. Negan turned back around, a glass of scotch in his hand. He took a sip as he walked back over to sit back on the table. Katherin sat back a little, just enough so her chin was out of his reach.


“They all work for me. They work for points.”


Katherine furrowed her eyebrows.


“Points?”


Negan nodded and sipped his drink.


“Yup. You work, you fucking get points and that’s how you get stuff. You don’t have enough points, tough fucking luck. You gotta work harder. The only ones who don’t have to work, are my wives.”


Katherine’s eyes widened. Wives? As in more than one?


“W-wives?” Negan smirked and nodded.


“Yup. Got fucking five of them. You of all fucking people should know, Kitty Kat, that I am not a one girl kind of guy.”


Katherine shook her head, running her fingers through her hair.


“Oh what’s the fucking matter, Doll. Jealous?”


Katherine shook her head again. She wasn’t jealous. Disgusted was more like it.


Negan finished the rest of his drink and put the glass down on the table.


“Fuck, ya know what? Maybe now that you’re here, I don’t need them. We had a lot of fucking fun from what I can remember. And fucking trust me, I think about that shit all the time.”


Katherine just kept her gaze on the ground. Negan just chuckled and stood up.


“Come on, Doll. Laugh a little. I’ve missed it.” He walked over and grabbed Lucille, picking her up and putting her on his shoulder. “Come on.” Katherine slowly stood and walked over to him. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her out of his bedroom. They walked down the hall until they stopped at a door. Negan opened and nudged Katherine inside. 


Stepping in, she saw it was another bedroom, this one about the same size as her’s back at Alexandria. Her heart clenched at the thought of her old room. When would she see it next? Her thoughts then drifted to Judith, her baby sister.  Would she ever see her again? Ever since their mom died, she had promised to do anything and everything for her baby sister. And now she didn’t know when she’d see her next.


“This is your new fucking room, Doll. Hope ya like it. I gotta go handle some business. Ya know, let everyone fucking know what a success our trip was.”


Her eyes filled with tears as his footsteps came near her.


“I’ll be back in little bit. Think about what I said back there.”


Katherine didn’t answer him but she knew what he was talking about. The whole wife thing.  Negan grinned at her and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him.


As soon as the door was shut, Katherine walked over and sat on the bed. Gripping the flannel blanket below her, she allowed the tears to fall freely. Her bodies shook with as she cried harder and harder.


“What am I going to do?” She whispered to herself. She laid down on the bed, facing away from the door. Her cries slowly stopped as she drifted off to sleep.


Outside the door, Negan smirked hearing her. After her cries stopped and he assumed she had fallen asleep, he lifted Lucille back onto his shoulder and began walking down the hallway, whistling a happy tune.


TAGS: @idonthavehusbandsihavelovers @opheliadawnwalker3 @negans-network @thecynicalnerd @j0322 @suileidead @ericas-negan77 @let-cookies-live @deekaahtj @katshitcrazy @bruhimabitch @crowned-with-laurels @livinontheegebigtime @littlebloodorange @girlwhoisfearless @awalkinghurricane @negansbby  @negans-girl @ryangoslingstanktop @toxic-ink @kathyjimenezg1

[CHAPTER FOUR]

Nothing Like a Lightswitch: M’s Husband’s 3-Month Coma (Part 2)

A week ago today, we published the first half of an interview with “M”, whose husband was in a 3-month coma back in the early 2000s.

It’s one of the posts I’m proudest of in the history of this blog.

This post is even better.

In this half of the interview, M shares what she wishes writers would and wouldn’t do when writing about comas. About survivors. About the strain on families and purse strings.

M, if you’re reading this, thank you. Thank you again.



Aunt Scripty: What would you tell writers to make sure they get right when describing comas, and their care?

Doctors and nurses do encourage family to talk or read to the patient. Having arguments in the same room is strongly discouraged.

They will kick family out if they deem they not taking care of themselves. Family is asked to leave for a little while on a fairly regular basis so the nurses can do their jobs without family or friends being underfoot. The nurses will also come in regularly while the family is there to do a regular check and change IV bags and such.

I did not actually see the more invasive parts. (Moving the patient to avoid bed sores, dealing with bodily fluids, and for the life of me I cannot remember what they did with solids.)

The family or at least the person who is in charge of making medical decisions will be meeting with the doctors regularly for updates they will also like get called for emergency decisions while not at the hospital.

Those decisions can be many and varied. In my experience it was mostly, we need to do x, and we need your permission to do it.

The main point I would insist on is that there is no miracle, “wake up and they are okay.” It is not quick and it is not pretty.

I seriously cannot think of a single book or movie where their treatment of comas and the recovery has not completely snapped my sense of disbelief. Kill Bill comes immediately to mind as it completely doesn’t work that way.

Whatever put them in the coma doesn’t just disappear when they wake up. If it was a medically induced coma it still doesn’t erase the original reason the doctors decided to put them in the coma.

The doctors really don’t want to put someone in a medically induced coma.

I also want writers to realize that awake and aware are two separate things. Awareness also has several stages. The whole “someone wakes up and begins to talk” thing needs to stop. That control over their body is also a gradual process (of course depending on the time in the coma and why).

Muscle loss is going to be a thing, even if it is a fairly short time. Weight loss will happen no matter what the staff does, partially because of the muscle mass loss. PT (physical therapy)  will likely be needed unless it was a very short time period. OT (occupational therapy) as well.

Nerve damage can happen! Even if that part of the body was not affected by the original cause for the coma. Bed sores are a real thing, it takes lots of repositioning by the nurses and luck to avoid them.

Depending on the length of the coma the patient’s body may have extra holes in it that will need to be closed and heal after their recovery is under way (GI at least). They are likely to need to be fed through said hole for a while, eating is something their body may need to relearn how to do.

If there was brain damage it can take up to two years to heal, if it’s going to. Though after that there is little chance of regaining lost cognitive abilities.

On the other side remember how much this disrupts the lives of family and friends, but also remember that these people have to somehow keep their own lives going enough to do things like pay bills (and possibly cover the bills for the patient) and feed themselves.

A lovely thing for writing is that this gives plenty of opportunity for people to take their stress out on one another or throw blame or form closer bonds.

People close to the person in the coma can get PTSD. Relationships that previously were good and healthy can blow up. Friendships can be lost.

As a side note, brain damage can cause personality changes. This can be huge or it can be things that only someone truly close will notice. For us his body language changed a lot. Which threw me for a loop. The little signs that he was open to help or not were not the same. Signs of frustration were different. The little shifts that use to mean he was interested or disinterested had changed as well.


Aunt Scripty: What were some things that happened that you didn’t expect during his care? What did you expect to have happen that didn’t, or were very different from your expectations?

The major surprise at the time was no one else had any idea of how this could have happened either. That it continued to not make sense to some of the best neurologists in the field. Looking back it make much more sense now, brains are weird and doctors don’t always have the answers we want or need.

At the first hospital they actually had him prone because of the pneumonia. That startled and scared the hell out of me.

I think by the time he was at [MAJOR MEDICAL CENTER]  I didn’t have any expectations, I was already shocked and confused.

Looking back something that does confuse me is that no one ever suggested that I or his parents find someone to talk to mental health wise.

Aunt Scripty: Can you talk a little bit about the financial aspects? This can’t have been cheap.

Writers should also take into consideration (at least in the US) that Neuro ICU is not inexpensive. At the time just the stay in the ICU was over $10k a day and that was early 2000s.

Dealing with the insurance was a headache and a half on top of everything else. And we were lucky, our insurance was very good and did not have an upper cap.

After the first few weeks I had a direct number to call a specific person at the company so I didn’t have to explain the whole situation again and again. We still had to talk regularly.

One of the big things I remember was one of the drugs they wanted to try to control the seizures was new to the market. I remember the time release version came out a few year later. So at the time it was really expensive and the insurance refused to cover it at first but one of the specialists wrote up a detailed reasoning of why that drug in particular was important and it was cleared.

I don’t remember what the deductible or copays were but I paid those and had to pay for the transportation out of pocket but did get refunded eventually for most of that.

The eventual total was mind boggling and terrifying, I received the bills for it while the insurance company was still sorting out its end.

For just the stay in the Neuro ICU the bill was well over a million dollars.

That did not include the stay at the first hospital before he was transferred. It did not include the time once he was out of the ICU. It did not include the physical therapy that took months. It did not include the surgery he had to do to get the feeding tube out. It did not include the occupational therapy. It didn’t include follow up care or his meds, that without he would die. I think the meds would have been over one thousand dollars a month without insurance.

Besides the medical bills, life continued to go on around us. Student loans had to be paid. Even though our landlords were amazing and dropped our rent by an insane amount I still could not afford it.

His credit card bill still had to be paid on top of my own bills. I did not have access to his bank account and his parent refused to sign the paperwork that would give me access to pay for just his bills. Car payments still had to be made.

The constant calls from the hospital disrupted me at work so much and I was spending as much time as I could at the hospital that in the end I ended up quitting.

Again here I was lucky, I could move back in with my parents and had some savings. But factor in the gas and parking and car care for at least 6 months of traveling to the hospital or rehab everyday. Oh and food while at the hospital if I remembered to eat.

I had to fight the insurance to get him the physical and occupational therapy he needed to become functional again. Then continue to fight for his meds to be covered as they were changed many times trying to find the best combination.



So that’s where we stand. And personally, all I can say is holy shit.  

I’ll just be over here in the corner, crying softly and screaming at the American  healthcare system.

Thank you yet again to M for her time, her words, her experiences, and for baring her own burdens as the family of a coma survivor.

I encourage anyone with a similar story to reach out to me on Tumblr, or at auntscripty {at} gmail {dot} com. I would love to hear your story.

Be safe, be well, and I love you all.

xoxo, Aunt Scripty

disclaimer

last-exit-to-nowhere  asked:

15 things you love about jackie?(p.s. i loveeee your blog so much )

Hello! Thank you SO much for your question! I’m actually happy someone wants to talk about Jackie with me (lol). And for your kind words, thank you so much too <3

Now, I love plenty about Jackie but made this Top15 was kind of hard. I dind’t want it to get too long, but I guess that’s never posible with me lol. Everything must be long with me, lol. This is in no particular order.

1. Her enormous heart

This woman loves like no one ever. Even when she is mean and selective, she is capable of loving with all in her and beyond. When it comes to love, her selectiveness is gone, she just gives and gives. That’s why she ends up hurt so easily, and yet she still gives everything… and most times, she gets nothing back but a bunch of lies, jokes and hard words.

Honestly, this show hates its female characters, but Jackie was always their favorite target to make crap out of her.

Jackie has the super power of loving with the force and the long of thousand lifetimes, which also leans to…

Keep reading

Thanks for everything / Final.

Summary: After Natsu fell in the floor in tears, unable to remember the one who saved his life, no one could watch him without crying. All the fake smiles they’ve been showing to him before, all the lies they have told him before, all for his sake and to accomplish Lucy’s last wish. But now, they were showing him their true feelings, how they have been feeling these past 2 years. They all were sharing the same feeling now. Sadness.

Final part: I’m home.

They had decided to visit Lucy’s grave in the Tenrou Island, this time Natsu wanted to go with them. Even he if didn’t remember anything about her, he wanted to say thanks. That was all  he could do now.


— We are here… Lucy.. — Began the old man when everyone was standing in front ot her grave. It was next to Mavis’s. Her name and the Fairy tail mark were written on it.

— I..It’s been two years.. Lu-chan.. — The blue haired girl said unable to hold her tears. — W..We are doing our bes.. — She couldn’t keep talking and shut her mouth with her hand.

— W..We have so new members too.. — Wendy said smiling with tears. — W..We have a bigger family.. You know? — She kept saying.

— I..I’ve been growing.. Lucy-nee.. — Romeo bit his lip. — A..And so is A..Asuka - chan.. — He showed a half smile.

— I’ve lost weight.. You wouldn’t recognize me now.. — Droy clenched his fit.

— N..Nab finally chose a Job, Lucy..  — Cana said and everyone laughed for a bit.

— … — Gray sighed. — The guild is so lonely without you… — He said with sad eyes looking at her grave.

— W…We miss you.. Lucy.. — Juvia said holding Gray’s hand while dropping tears. — W..We miss you so much.. — She pressed Gray’s hand.

— I’m sorry we couldn’t.. — Erza looked at Natsu who was standing behind them. — We couldn’t keep our promise to you. — The red haired apologize

— N..Natsu has been doing his best too.. But we just couldn’t.. — Lissana couldn’t continue.

— T..That’s right.. — Gajeel continue. — We couldn’t keep seeing him… So empty.. — He said hugging Levy.

— W..We are taking her of him as you wished… — Mira said. — Even if it’s not what you want.. He needed to know… Lucy.. — She said dropping tears.

— T..There is not a day where we don’t wake up wanting this to be a nightmare.. Lucy.. —The master then said. — We won’t be able to thank you enough for saving.. Us.. —He cried.

— C..Come back.. — Happy flew to the grave and cried. — C..Come back.. Lucy.. — He said in tears.

— … — Everyone kept silence when Natsu started to walk towards the grave.

— N..Natsu.. — Happy looked at him in tears.

— I..I can’t remember you.. — He stood in front of the grave and put both hands above it. — A..And i wish i could.. — Natsu bit his lip, he pressed his hands in the grave.

— Natsu.. — Erza said looking at her miserable friend  in front of them.

— T..Thank you.. — He said softly. — T..Thank you… Damn it.. — He said and  hit the grave softly with tears dropping from his eyes, knowing he couldn’t do anything but say those words.


Natsu turned his back to the grave and while looking at the floor, he walked back to his friends. They kept telling her how much they missed her and how lonely they felt without her walking through the gates of the guild as every morning.

When they turned their back to walk to the boat so they can return to home, a sparkly light showed up in front of them.


— W..What is it?! — Natsu stepped back.

— Be careful, Natsu! — Gray told him since he was close to the light.

— I’ts been a long.. — A woman voice they knew very well, talked.

— M..Master.. — Makarov said surprised. — W..What are you.. — he couldn’t end.

— I..I have something to tell you.. — She confessed pressing the bottom of her pink dress.

— ..Is.. something wrong? — Makarov asked confused.

— I..I’m sorry.. — She said and looked at Lucy’s grave.

— W..What do you mean? — Erza walked towards her — What did you do?! — She asked.

— I..I’m… So sorry.. — She looked at Natsu.

— W..What? — Natsu asked her, wanting an answer.

— Explain us, master. — Makarov told her.

— I’m the one who brought Lucy into this.. — She confessed serious. — I brought her here. — She said.

— S..So you.. — Gray walked towards her. — W..Why Lucy? — He asked.

— Lucy wasn’t having nightmares about Aquarius as she said.. — Mavis told them. — She was seeing END. — Confessed looking at Natsu.

— E..Eh? — Natsu said putting a hand in his chest.

— Zeref created END so he could kill him but as himself said, if END dies so does Natsu and Zeref. — Mavis kept talking. — I told this to Lucy but as.. i guess you all know her… She couldn’t let you die.. — She looked at Natsu.

— … — Everyone kept silence.

— I..I couldn’t do anything as i’m now..  — Mavis said. — N..No.. — She denied. — I wasn’t a stellar mage neither.. — Confessed.

— S..So.. Lucy.. — Gray clenched his fists

— I asked her to do it. — Mavis said serious. — She agreed without hesitation with one condition.. — She kept looking at Natsu.

— Erase my memories… — Natsu finished the sentence. Mavis nodded.

— W..Why now?… — Gray let go Juvia’s hand. — Why are you telling us that now?! — He screamed

— I..I’m sorry.. I. — Mavis apologized once more. — It was the only way.. She wanted to save Natsu at any cost.. — She then said.

— … — Everyone looked at the floor.

— S..She’s alive. — Mavis confessed.

— W..What did you just.. — Gray opened his eyes. — .. said? — He asked

— I..is that possible?! — Levy asked desesperate

— When she purified End’s body, she disappeared.. — Mavis started to walk towards the tomb as everyone followed her. — She was aware of the chances of her survival.. — She kept saying. — I brough her body here, lifeless. — Mavis confessed in front of the tomb.

— L..Lifeless? .. — Gajeel asked. — I..I don’t undestand.. Is she alive? — He asked once more

— She’s still alive. — Mavis touched Lucy’s grave and suddenly a big crystal appeared behind it.

— F..Fairy heart?! — Everyone shouted at the same time.

— T..Thats right.. — Mavis answered.

— It’s  her..? — Gray asked when the flashes started to disappear, revealing a sleeping figure.

— I..Impossible.. — Mira shut her mouth unable to believe it

— L..Lu.. — Gray walked teetering towards the grave — …cy.. — He started to cry as he saw her peacefull face; she was naked and her long hair was convering her intimate parts.

— I..Is she really.. alive? — Natsu asked looking at her face.

— W..What do you mean.. Natsu? — Erza asked

— She’s not breathing.. — He answered.

— I..It’s true.. She’s not.. — Erza couldn’t end.

— She’s frozen. — Mavis confessed looking at Lucy.

— B..But.. — Gray stepped back and looked at Mavis. — S..She is alive.. isn’t she? — He said desesperate.

— I have maintained her frozen this whole time.. — Mavis put her hands in the glass looking at Lucy. — She even has regained her magic but.. — She looked at the floor

— W..Why she doesn’t wake up?.. — Juvia asked desesperately.

It all depends on.. her.. — Natsu said from behind.

— Is that true, Master? — Laxus asked


Mavis nodded.


— Y…You gotta be kidding.. right? — Gray said in dispair

— It’s been two years.. — Mavis bit her lip — I..I can’t do anything..  — She said about to cry.

— You’ve done enough… Master.. — Natsu softly put his hand in her head

— I..I’m sorry.. — She sobbed

— W..Wake up.. — Natsu looked at Lucy within the crystal.

— N..Natsu? — Everyone looked at him surprised

— W..We’re all here… so please.. — Natsu clenched his fist against the crystal — …wake up.. Lucy.. — He begged again. Tears started to bath his face.

— Wake up.. — Gray said under his breath this time.

— We are here, Lucy! — Juvia stepped foward and held Gray’s hand.

— Lu-chan.. We are waiting for you! — This time, Levy cried and held Juvia’s hand.

— Bunny, come back! — Gajeel took Levy’s hand.

— Lucy-nee! — Romeo cried in tears taking Levy’s hand. They were doing a circle around the crystal while Natsu and Mavis were in front of her.

— P..Please.. Lucy! — Cana shouted taking Laxus’s hand

— C..Come back.. Lucy.. — Erza screamed in tears.

— Lucy! — Happy cried

— COME BACK TO US! — Everyone shouted at the same time. They were holding hands around her. A white magic dispersed from the circle, the desire of everyone; they all wanted her to come back.

— P..Please.. Please.. — Natsu hit the crystal in tears. — C..Come back.. please.. — He begged again.

— E..Everyone.. — Mavis was amazed by them. — L..Lucy.. — She said susprised as she saw a tear falling from Lucy’s closed eye.

— S..She hears us.. — Natsu smiled in tears while looking at Lucy’s face.

— COME HOME, LUCY! — The whole guild screamed in tears. The glass started to crack.

— COME BACK TO FAIRY TAIL! — This time, Natsu shouted and the glass broke.

— W..What’s.. — Natsu looked  at the sky confused.  The pieces of the crystal started to fall and Lucy disappeared in a white circle, it was now shining in the sky.

— L..Lucy.. — Gray sobbed as the circle was coming down.

— I..I’m home.. — Finally that voice was heard for all of them. Lucy showed up, dressed with a white dress, barefoot with her long hair and with tears down her face, her cheeks slightly flushed, showing a smile from ear to ear.

— A..Actually.. — Gray started to walk teetering towards her unable to believe it, his tears kept falling to the floor.

— Y..You came back.. — Erza said crumping her face, holding her tears.

— WELCOME HOME! — Everyone shouted in tears and ran towards her. Lucy started to cry surrounded by all his friends.


Except for one.


— Why don’t you join? — Mavis asked Natsu, they were watching the joy of everyone hugging Lucy.

— I..I don’t .. — Natsu denied looking at Lucy’s smile — .. remember her yet.. — He confessed looking at the floor.

— Go.. — She smiled and pushed him from his back.

— E..Eh? — Natsu opened his eyes and looked at Lucy.



The magic that once made him forget about her, had been canceled. The tears starting to fall again when he started to walk towards her. Finally, he recalled. As he walked he recalled bit by bit about her; their first meet, when he bought her to fairy tail.. He recalled all his adventures with her, the tears were falling without control as he recalled every memory.. He realled every single smile of her, her smell, her angry face… He recalled everything. The mages around Lucy opened the circle, leaving Natsu in front of Lucy.


— N..Natsu.. — Lucy walked towards him

— L..Lucy. he doesn’t.. — Gray was about to say

— L..Luce.. — Natsu sobbed in tears.

— I’m home, Natsu. — Lucy opened his arms and smiled to him.

— W..Welcome home.. Lucy.. — Natsu ran to her in tears and hugged her tightly.

— I..I’m sorry.. — Lucy closed her eyes and hugged him back, putting one of her hands in his head, calming him.

— L..Lucy.. L..Lucy.. — Natsu repeated in her shoulders while the tears were falling without control.

— I’m here.. Natsu.. — She said stroking his back

— Y..You said you wouldn’t leave me.. — Natsu said in tears. — L..Lucy.. — He cried again.

— I..I know.. Natsu.. — Lucy said again guilty. — I’m sorry for leaving you.. — She said again and kissed his head.

— I..I love you.. too.. — He confessed — I love you.. I love you.. Lucy.. — Natsu said desesperately.

— I know you do.. — She smiled.

— I..I love you.. so much.. — He repeated in tears.

— Natsu. — Lucy took his face with her hands. Pressing her fingers against his cheeks, their faces were at centimeters. She looked at him and their eyes met.

— J..Just please.. — He begged in tears.

— I’m here, Natsu. — She closed her eyes and softly kissed his forehead. — I’m not going anywere..  — She put their foreheads together, both were crying.

— D..Don’t erase my memories ever again.. — He begged. — You’re the most precious thing i have in my mind so please.. Don’t ever take that from me.. — He put his hands in Lucy’s cheeks.

— I..I won’t.. — She said guitly. — I won’t do it again. — she cleaned Natsu’s tears, passing her thumb across his cheeks.

—You sacrificed your life for me.. — He said softy — You saved my life.. Lucy.. — He bit his lip. — I will be forever thankful with yo.. — Lucy shut his mouth putting her index finger.

—Shhh… I would do it again and again.. — She smiled

— Don’t you dare to.. — He tried to say. Lucy pressed her lips against his. In surprise, he opened his eyes and slowly closed them, pressing his lips against hers too.

— I love you. — She confessed to him.

— I love you too, damn it.. — He said starting to cry again.


* * *

+ BONUS 

Yongguk - Wrong idea

Yongguk was everything you could’ve asked for in a boyfriend and you cherished the moment he walked into your life. From the start he looked after you, always watched out for you  - a very protective man from the beginning. When you started dating, it was intense. Not in a bad way, more, he struggled to keep his hands off you and you spent every waking minute together. It was nice, the two of you clicked so perfectly and the looks you’d get from girls when you walked down the street hand in hand, you secretly loved them. He was completely in love with you but I guess that’s where the problem came in, he was awfully jealous. Recently, he’d been bringing up your work friends; things had been tense – argument after argument. You were just waiting for the time to pass.

You sat, head rested in your hand on your office desk as you stared aimlessly at the computer screen. There were some days you enjoyed this job and some days you didn’; either way it paid the bills and you met some pretty cool people.
“Now that’s a face that screams ‘kill me’” A voice called. Jaehyun plonked himself on your desk, grinning. He was around your age, pretty face but a bit of a shy personality. You rolled your eyes, whacking his arm.
“How about we head to the new Taco restaurant for lunch? I really need some advice.” He waved two vouchers in front of your face. You smiled, grabbing your handbag.
“Girl advice?” You asked, dragging him off the desk. He shrugged shamelessy, heading for the exit.

You took a bite out of your taco as Jaehyun sat in front of you, telling you about the girl he bumped into at the comic book store only he didn’t bump into her he just saw her and she was picking up a comic with his favourite superhero on and, that’s when you zoned out of his convocation and zoned in on a deep, soothing voice.
“’Guk?” You blinked; he never went to Taco restaurants. He stopped in his convocation and turned around, a huge grin on his face, that is until he saw who was sitting opposite you. You knew exactly what he was thinking and as he walked over, you were praying he didn’t make a scene. Jaehyun looked up when Yongguk reached the table, wiping his hand on a napkin to hold it out.
“You must be Yongguk, I’ve heard so much about you.” Yongguk blinked, staring at the hand before shaking his head, storming out of the shop. You gave Jaehyun an apologetic look and took off after your boyfriend.

You were calling his name out on the street but he kept walking at a strong, steady pace. Eventually you caught up with him, grabbing him by his arm into a nearby alley way.
“Guk.” He stopped as you had him leaned against a wall. He couldn’t even make eye contact with you. You called his name once more and he chuckled.
“You know what I was going to do? I was going ot bring you lunch, ask you if you wanted to go on a walk but my mistake, you already took lunch with someone else.” He spoke between gritted teeth, shaking his head. He got the wrong idea but when he was mad, there was little you could say that would calm him down. You gulped, reaching out for his hand.

“He’s just a friend I swear.” You promised, he retracted his hand, arms folding as his cold stare finally met your gaze. You froze; you’d never seen him look at you like that before. That cold stare soon turned to worry, he shrugged.
“Yeah and I was just a friend once too. It’s like you don’t care at all. I mean, you do realize I’m completely besotted with you, right?” He didn’t need to tell you. He was trying his hardest to act cold, to act like he didn’t care but his eyes were starting to water, despite him trying not to show it. 

You let out a sigh, leaning against the opposite side of the alley way, rubbing your forehead.
“Why do you think every single guy I talk to is someone I’m about to leave you for? Do you have any idea how tiring this is?” Your question was met by silence. After a few more seconds of no reply, you looked towards your boyfriend, your heart dropped. He stood centimeters from your face, his hand resting on the wall beside your head. Eyes gazing at every aspect of you, squeezing them shut before the tears began to roll out.
“I don’t want to lose you, not to anyone. I get that I’m annoying and I get moody a lot recently but it’s just because I know it’s very real that you could leave me for someone else and it’s just.” He paused as his voice broke, you went to reach out to hug him but he shook his head, sucking in his lips.

 “I’m scared.”

You bit your lip as you saw the fear in your boyfriends eyes. You took him by his hands and dragged him out into the middle of the busy street, your hands moving to cup his face instead. You pressed your lips against his, his arms instinctively snaked around your waist, holding you against him. You pulled back, pulling his face down so you could rest your forehead against his, thumbs rubbing the skin on his cheek.


“You are the only man I am and want to be in love with, Yongguk. No one will change that. Even in this giant crowd of people; the only one I see – is you. You are the center of my world but baby you can’t keep lashing out at me like this. It’s killing me.” You pleaded. Yongguk sighed, staring at you; his lips formed into a smile. 

You were everything he wanted, intelligent, beautiful, kind hearted and you didn’t care much for what other people thought of you. Even as the two of you stood there in the middle of a busy street, in peoples way with them tutting and yelling for you to move, neither of you took your eyes off each other. It was this kind of romance that you had missed. You let go of his face, arms clasping themselves around your torso as he stroked your hair, his chin resting on the top of your head.
“No more arguments, I promise.”

I Call Bullshit (Jon Risinger/Reader)

I prompted myself: “You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.” + [text]: I call bullshit. with Jon Risinger on OTS from this post

Word Count: 730

Warning(s): Cursing, mentions of sex

Summary: You and Barbara try to get Jon to make your team the winner of this week’s On the Spot.

Author’s Note: So sorry that this fic isn’t one I was technically prompted to do, but I saw the prompt list and I immediately thought of something like this! Also, I’m v sorry it’s not very good, but I really just wanted to put something out there so it didn’t look like my writing was completely dead. I swear I’ll get started on actual prompts soon! My job keeps me pretty busy, but today and Wednesday I have off, so hopefully I’ll be able to get shit done then and more shit done today.

Keep reading

Metaphysicals of witchcraft. Very long

So this is like a huge part of witchcraft and spirituality in general. You need to know what you are doing both physically in the mundane world and what you are doing with the magicks you are using. This applies to everything from praying to God or casting bones at midnight to curse your ex. 

Ill be using a seawitch casting a storm as a catalyst for explaining everything as it fits very well. 

So witchy 101, they teach you to call to the gods, to the spirits, to the land or even to yourself. They teach you all about the correspondences of everything. EVERYTHING. That’s it usually. Sure they go over how to write a spell but who doesn’t know how to come up with a rhyme or express what they want?( alot of poeple actually lol)

So what are correspondences? I mean sure you know a red candle is love/passion/lust/sex and lighting it helps bring those energies to your work right? But why? Easy because since the dawn of time it’s been associated with those things so lighting it basically calling forth and entire worlds histories saying I need your help. But correspondences are certainly personal. Not everyone has the same, some might hate rose as being used in love spells. I love it. So make sure you think outside the box and keep them personal but make sure it makes sense. Don’t just use orange as a love spell because you like the color orange make sure it has meaning to it, your first love, second love and third all had a connection to orange so you think of orange as love. 

So you have your spell, candles, herbs all ready what do you? You say the spell right? Wrong. First you have to make sure you are in the correct state to cast spells, it’s hard to describe but it’s a state where you are shifting yourself into the magickal side of the world. This shift is the first part to truly start casting and something you may never achieve.

“What the fuck are you saying? Are you saying I might never be a true witch or magickal practitioner? ”

Yes I am. I’ve talked about this before. there are natural witches in the world, these witches are powerful and strong. They are more connected with the magickal world than other people. I’ve only met a few myself to believed included. But these people have a spark in them, this spark is just a bit stronger than a normal person. Saying that, you don’t have to have this spark to preform magick, to be a powerful witch. But it’s not gonna come as easy as it for those with this spark. It might take years of work, years of dedication, years of casting, it might even take experiencing this shift first hand and feeling how it feels until you finally get it, and you will know when you achieve it. This isn’t the “charge” or “call” that Wiccans talk about.

This is a moment when casting you finally snap into place you know it, it’s not something you can lie to yourself about. If you do it will hold you back possibly forever. So I implore you to not lie to yourself, it’s okay to not have this shift thing yet, it takes time and even to the people with the spark to master. Mastering this shift is the very first steps of becoming a powerful caster. But not the only thing it takes.

I’ve met a lot of people over the years, people from nearly all traditions. The one thing that holds them all back is lying to yourself. I don’t lie to myself, it’s a part of my craft. Ill lie to the world before I lie to myself. Sometimes casting doesn’t work, for multiple reasons, sometimes those reasons are the caster. So when you are casting you’ll eventually be able ot understand that it was a bad cast or the cast didn’t work. This is when you go over the details of your work and determine what went wrong. Was it an off day? was something distracting you? Did you cast and not get the shift right?

Now one last bit about the shift. This shift is difficult to describe. Time seems to slow but speed up at the same time, at least for me. But generally speaking it feels about the same for everyone I’ve talked to. But this shift feels heavy, the air thickens with magicks, the world dissolves around you, just to the space you are working, the spirits feel your power, the fae get curious, demons seep in and are curious. You feel the connection to the magicks of the world. This shift is the first thing you should be working on after learning the basics, without it you may never truly cast. I’m sure this shift comes in degrees because you can have this shift while casting and be deeper or more shallow. But how deep the shift goes doesn’t matter as long as you can get this shift to a degree you can truly call magicks forth.

Now the second thing, this is the thing I think everyone fucks up at. This is what to do with the power you have raised. These magicks are primal. These magicks are powerful. But when you raise it these magicks aren’t flowing naturally in the land or world, you have called to them. The magicks don’t know what to do. You need to tell them, in detail on what their job is. This is where science and knowledge of the mundane world come into play.

I always say in order for magick to work you have to give it a path. Magick isn’t there to poof a spot in the company you want to work for and place you there. The company needs to have a free space, you need to shift yourself into the position the company needs, make the company want to hire you.

Science is important. It’s how the world works, no matter what you believe we know this world was created a certain way. We know about quarks, atoms, the water cycle, how people die and why they die. These are the keys facts that are gonna determine if you are a true powerful force to not trifle with.

Now a seawitch conjuring up a storm. how does that work? So once the witch has achieved the shift, this shift for example could be shift into the oceans powers, powerful ancient magicks that shape the world and determine it’s future. What does a sea witch do? Does she just say “let there be a storm”? No. She needs to cause the changes in order to call the storm forth. 

What changes? Well what’s the first thing a storm needs? Clouds right? So she has to tell the magicks she’s called forth to cause the ocean to release water into the air and form clouds. 

What’s next? She needs the clouds to move. How does that work? A lower pressure system over the areas the clouds needs to travel. So she needs to lower the pressure of the area of the world that she wants the storm to be called to.

This is important. This is why I don’t believe in white or black magicks. Because the law of conservation of energy states “nothing can be destroyed, only change form” so  by doing this you are creating a high pressure system somewhere else in the world, causing them to loose the storm that was gonna be there to not be. There are unseen complications of every spell. There’s a finite amount of magicks that run through the universe and a finite amount of energy in the universe. So whenever you do something you never doing simply what you want you are causing and equal and opposite reaction somewhere else. 

So what did the sea witch do? She went through steps. She needs the ingredients and a proper spell to call the magicks forth. She needs to shift to the magickal world for the magicks to listen. Then she needed to take control, she needs to tell the magicks exactly what it was doing.

So this is my basic idea of metaphysics. there are steps to every spell. these steps all have important roles. Like attracts like hence the corespondents, even the shift magick isn’t come to a mundane person for no reason make yourself kin to magick and magick will listen. She than needed to take control of the magicks and tell the magick the steps it’s doing. This can be achieved by visually seeing the processes happening.

Following these steps and not lying to yourself, being true to yourself and accepting that you didn’t do anything. until you do. Are keys to how magick works. there many ways to achieve the shift, and to achieve deeper levels of the shift. But the first is practice, and being true to yourself. Don’t lie. 

So yeah that’s the basic idea of how metaphysics are super important to any spellcraft or ritual you are doing. Obviously things are gonna differ between types of spells and working with gods, spirits..etc. And as you go you’ll see how complicated these get. What are the processes of making someone fall in love? How exactly are you cursing the person? how are you gonna get them fired? How are you bringing prosperity to yourself, who’s giving up the money for you?

If you have any questions please feel free to ask ill explain more if you don’t understand a part.

expect a part 2 eventually