and that is why i am astonishingly

No tapes, just blogs

I have to say (or type) this one way or another. Thirteen Reasons Why probably has the biggest spot on my heart, I was even willing to fund its production in the future (well clearly I don’t need to now, haha). So when Netflix decided to give it a shot on bringing Jay Asher’s Novel to life, I was honestly skeptical like any other lovers of Thirteen Reasons Why book version. Reason is that as my history is concerned, never I have loved the big screen version more that I have loved and cherished the book.

Netflix’s Thirteen Reasons Why version is explicitly how I wanted it to be. When I read the book years ago, I was wondering why only Hannah’s version of the story is out (though that was the author’s intention). I was kind of hoping for a third person point-of-view way of telling the story. What are the possible reactions and alibis of each individuals on the tapes could be, because as we all know every story has hundreds of sides. Hannah’s side on the book version wasn’t enough for me, and having Jay Asher on the side of the production team of Netflix, I am so trustful about the revised story line carried out on big screen.

I was absolutely taken aback of how this whole thing was perfectly and astonishingly delivered by Netflix, glad that they’re the ones who produced it and not any other. This is the type of awareness that the big screens should make. Netflix had delivered their message wise and precise, causing a wide range of awareness about suicide now. Well, now hoping for some kind of second season, I think some would agree with me?

I am almost impressed at the speed with which Emmerdale have fucked this up. Who, in that writing room, thought this SL would be a good idea? I mean, this is literally making no sense. Why would she sleep with him again if he forced her to have an abortion four years ago? Why would you flirt with him, and want him again after that? Why is Rebecca being written so astonishingly badly?

The ballet Mayerling, singular, is the reason why I love ballet, whole; this is what opened my eyes to how astonishingly, viscerally moving an art form it is.  I saw the Royal Ballet’s production a few years back (post about it here) and - I spent hours leaning against the railing of the lower slips trying to see, with a crick in my neck and slowly losing the feeling in my right arm, and none of that mattered.  It was gorgeous and transporting and heartbreaking and I am still so sad it was the only time I ever got to see Alina Cojocaru and Johan Kobborg dance.

So when I saw the RB were putting it on again, obviously I couldn’t miss the chance to see my favourite ballet, but at the same time I almost didn’t want to overwrite the memories of the previous production.  This time wasn’t as good as last, but so interesting in its interpretation of the characters.  At first I was surprised at how almost graceless? clumsy? Thiago Soares seemed to be as Crown Prince Rudolf, then it clicked.  The point of his performance is that Rudolf is naive, awkward, a child; pressured from all sides by Hungarian separatists and the expectations of the court, only wanting his mother to break with rigid formality and show him the love he craves. (there’s such absolute yearning in the scene where he comes to her bedroom.) And if she won’t love him, he’ll find comfort and oblivion elsewhere.

It gives a very Oedipal feel to the whole thing; the big pas-de-deux that conclude each act all seem to come after yet another rejection by his mother. (and yet in the arms of her lover Bay Middleton, the Empress opens like a flower - they have this wonderfully fluid, sensuous pas-de-deux, one you wouldn’t believe this stiff, proper woman was capable of, and when Rudolf comes across them, his anger and shame and pain and jealousy, almost, are palpable.)

It also casts a whole new light on his relationship with Marie Larisch - what was the age gap between them historically?  Here she’s very much the sophisticated older woman, whose love is both tender and controlling, and who puts Mary Vetsera in his path as a way of continuing to influence him even after he rejects her.

I have to talk about Lauren Cuthbertson’s confident, self-possessed Mary, who loves Rudolf desperately, who shares and enables his obsession with death, and who has him completely in her thrall. (that Act 2 pdd - Rudolf lights up the minute she fires the gun, is absolutely willingly worshipfully hers.) It’s so different from the usual girlish interpretation of the role, but I absolutely loved it and want to see Lauren Cuthbertson dance all the things.

What I think this production lacks, compared to the previous one, is a certain sexuality - the pas-de-deux in Acts 1 and 2 should leave you unable to breathe, and that wasn’t the case here. (though I really liked the wedding night one - Stephanie is so innocent, so uncomplicatedly romantic, and it’s heartbreaking.  There’s a moment where Rudolf pins her beneath him; she quivers with fear and he realises and hates himself for it, hates himself for trying to frighten her because he’s the one who’s hurting.  When he finally takes her to bed, it’s so sad, so very much about getting what’s expected over with rather than desire.)  However, I’m still so glad to have seen it, not least because it does such great things with all the female roles.

My follower forever

Alright, as previously announced, my follower forever!

Ok I´ll be honest for the longest time I had no idea how these work. I´m still no 100%. But I always thought you tag the people you follow. I that´s not the case, sorry about that.

I´ve already explained in this post what I feel towards all of you. I´d recommend reading that first, if you´re interested in my trashy teenager self. So instead of rehashing all of that, let me just quote my favorite moment in fictional history, which sums up my feelings very well:

Thank you, for being with me. Thank you, for teaching me how to life. Thank you…for wrapping this scarf…around me.  

(ok this was a bit too corny wasn´t it? :P)

Anyhow, mutuals are bolded. There is a chance I messed up here, tumblr wouldn’t properly show me who is a mutual so maybe there are few mistakes. I´m sorry about that, none of those were intended).

I´ve arranged it in Alphabetical order. Enjoy!


@a-heartablaze - something incoherent? more like something awesome!

@ackerscarf - although the real Natiwati may not be around at the moment, she will never be forgotten.

@alphaofdarkness - oh my gosh your art aaaahhhhhh its beautiful

@ao3feed-eremika - gotta stay updated right? Its kinda funny because I always a have an ao3 tab and ff net tab open but oh well.

@armin-gesumin - your crack is the best crack. no doubt.


@bertannie - thank you for fulfilling all my beruani needs on a daily basis

@blufics - your writing…just…aaaahhhhhh!!

@bluinary -  same thing since, well, you know, same person etc. you rock!


@clevergirlraven - I can´t believe I didn´t start following you sooner. What a huge mistake.


@datsteeve - this is one of the two hoomans who knows me irl. IDK why I´m telling you this. I dunno. Go spam him or something.

@daydream24-7 - ok I am sooooo sorry if I kinda weirded you out the other day with that post but…your blog…your art…it´s…astonishingly beautiful.

@didanwhisperer​ - thank you for being the greatest Bertl fan on this website. I need you haha.

@drinkyourfuckingmilk - youarefuckingawesome.

@drunkeremikatexts - your kind of RP blog is what the fandom really needs.


@eremika - yeah I think we´ll all marry Mikasa Ackerman hahaha.

@eremikadefensesquad - Thank you for defending our ship with the very core of yourself, thank you for being able to put up with all that nonsensical hate. You deserve none of that and I have an incredible amount of respect for you.


- fics, fics, and even more fics! fics everywhere!

@eremikaiscanon - you´re goddamn right

@eremikashipper4life - I love your writing, I love your blog!

@eremikaweeks - so hyped for the next one! :D

@eren-and-mikasa-jaeger - your url alone is aesthetically pleasing you have no idea.

@erenmiikas - forever and ever-exactly!

@erensjaegerbombs - you are just awesome and a gift for the fandom.

@erenslips - another brave warrior in war against the haters haha. plus your friendship with ladywongs is goals

@erernika - all of the eremika!


@fady-jaeger - according to tumblr, you were my first follower. IT ALL STARTED HERE!!! But seriously you´re great and Sawano is life!

@fuckyeaherenxmikasa - fuck yeah damn right!

@fuku-shuu - in my entire life I have never seen anyone as dedicated to a fandom as you are. Seriously, you are my fav snk news source and your live translations are my most anticipated thing every month. You are absolutely amazing!


@ghostmartyr - your meta is just fabulous


@iamthewallrose - same here, love your meta and theories

@ieralia - EREMIKA 6EVER!!!!! :D


@jaegerchips - originally I followed you because eremika but your star wars content is just as awesome! may the 4th be with you!


@kodanshacomics - official news everyone!

@kuchen-ackerman - your writing and everything is just A W E S O M E


@ladywongs - you made me ship touken without me ever having read or watched a substantial amount of TG. PROPS!! (plus yeah all eremika, duh)

@leapingtitan - meta! theories! analysis! EVERYTHING!

@leviskinnyjeans - just as fukushuu, you´re an amazing news source! Thank you for all your dedication! And I love the way you love Reiner!


@lyssala - you were the first eremika writer I followed and whose fics I patiently awaited everyday haha. Seriously though, your writing played a big part in my early days in the fandom and you still never fail to deliver ahah



- I never thought I´d make a friend online whom I would speak with as much as I do with you haha. You´re too sweet, I love the way you ship eremika, your writing, your admiration for Sawano (YA FEEL ME RIGHT xD) and everything else and I look forward  to our chats everyday (damn you timezones, why must you be this way), they really are the highlight of my day :D. Ok Im gonna stop before it gets too awkward or embarrassing ahaha *runs away*

@mikasajaeger - your name is my dream

@momtaku - Another person I adore chatting with ahah. But seriously your meta and analysis (and crack) is goals, and I am indefinitely grateful for all the help you provided building up a blog and building up a following. I am a proud member of the TIB and will do my best as your newly adopted son haha. Thanks mom. Love you :D!

@motorcyclles - your comics are a heavenly gift from the Shingeki goddesses themselves, no doubt!

P -

@pizzackerman - I should´ve followed you a loong time ago haha. plus am I wrong, oder sind wir beide deutsch :P ?


@rosehips-and-cherrydips - oh my god your eremika and your stuff and your everything ahhhhh.

S -

@saitamas-hoodie - the dankest of all zeh memes and memesterzs.

@shiganshinatrio - EMA ecstasy!

@shingekinoeremika - your eremika is as dank as your memes.


@someboredloser - Im just SomeBoredFan.

@ss-eremika - I never figured out the ss in your eremika, but I´m a simple man, I see eremika, I press like.

@suits-neechan - all the reibert. all the art. everything!


@thanks-for-the-scarf - thanks-for-your-awesome-blog-and-the-lesson-about-duck-dicks-lmfao.

@the-moblit-sketchbook - The most precious RP blog of them all…..and fuck you for making me ship mobuhan now that he might no longer be around!

@the104thsquad you guys taught me how to spell Tatakae and that’s one of the greatest gifts and one could have given me.


@uncklerman - how would´ve thought that Kenny out of all people ends up with an RP blog. Who would have thought it´d turn out as incredible as it did hahaha.

@utterlypointless-snk-headcannons - it isn´t pointless if its utterly hilarious hehe.


@waytooemily I think I followed you before already but tumblr messed up? idk. I love your chapter reactions and your thoughts and translations!


@yummiecurrie - long live the queens indeed (YMIR WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU).

@yusenki - another incredibly dedicated person! thanks for the news! thanks for the translations! thanks for the eruri!

Aaaaaand that´s it! I think it goes without saying, but I highly recommend every single one of these blogs to all of my followers. Seriously you guys are absolutely incredible! Keep up all your amazing work :DDDDD


Pokémon Go and Enneagram

Valour: Heart Triad

“I’m Candela–Team Valor’s leader! Pokemon are stronger than humans, and they’re warmhearted too! I’m researching ways to enhance Pokemon’s natural power in the pursuit of true strength. There’s no doubt that the Pokemon our team have trained are the strongest in battle!”

Mystic: Head Triad

“I am Blanche, leader of Team Mystic. The wisdom of Pokemon is immeasurably deep. I am researching why it is that they evolve. With our calm analysis of every situation we can’t lose!”

Instinct: Gut Triad

“Hey! The name’s Spark – the leader of Team Instinct. Pokemon are creatures with excellent intuition. I bet the secret to their intuition is related to how they’re hatched. You never lose when you trust your instincts!”

On Hierarchies of Empathy

It’s hard to have nuanced conversations online but I refuse to believe it is impossible. I wrote this essay about the outrage that rose after Justine Sacco made a racist, awful tweet about African and AIDS.

Several people have noted, upon reading this, that Sacco’s father is a billionaire so she’ll be just fine. Sacco is a young, attractive white woman. I’ve always known she will be just fine. And she comes from a wealthy family. She has all the social and political currency she needs. I knew all this when I wrote my essay. Having empathy for Sacco’s predicament doesn’t mean I’m sitting here crying for her. 

I do wonder, though, why we are willing to put boundaries on our empathy. I can only speak for myself, but I don’t want to be beholden to a hierarchy of empathy where one must meet certain criteria before they are deserving of empathy.

I also think there are different kinds of empathy. There is what I felt for Justine Sacco, but that is by no means the empathy I felt when, say, reading about Dasani and her family in this excellent investigative piece by Andrea Elliott. 

As I watched the #hasjustinelandedyet hashtag unfold, I was deeply conflicted because it was funny and people said some amazing things and because she had fucked up and a brand of justice was so swift. It still felt wrong. Knowing so much about a complete stranger in such an astonishingly brief period of time felt wrong. She made a choice and she had to bear the consequences but oh, it was painful to watch.

Really, though, what I was writing about was not what happened to Sacco but rather, what happened to us. I remain interested in the why of such a widespread and vigorous reaction. I am interested in how much injustice so many people have suffered that this small, brief comeuppance looked like recompense.  

I’ve been meaning to do this for some time and I finally got around to writing this post!

In the early days of AFA, I used to update fairly regularly on a weekly schedule, normally on Saturday or Sunday, sometimes Monday. As AFA chugs along, some readers may have noticed that the wait in-between updates has been getting longer. Why, some of you may ask, am I so inconsistent? I had such a good routine going, I got irritated enough about the question for updates that I wrote an FAQ explaining that 7-9 days is a much better expectation of how long a chapter takes to write.

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