and tell me it looks bad

Sometimes I just want to hit people. I am at the gym minding my own business when this idiot comes to me asking: What supplements do you use. Expensive trousers, shoes, comes by car just to look pretty and pick up girls. Started in januari. You know the type. He wants a quick answer, ofcourse.

Name me some pill so I can get that sixpack without effort, cause Im lazy. And I need to get laid yesterday.

I tell him to get arsenic and swedish meatballs. Does that make me a bad person?

I Talk, You Listen : Chris Evans

prompt : you live in a world where soulmates are able to communicate in each other’s dreams, but without letting the other know your name, where you live, or what you look like. you have to find your soulmate using only the voice as an identification tool. and lucky you, your soulmate’s voice is everywhere.

words : 1301

pairing : chris evans x reader

requests : none

warnings : bad-ish writing and slight case of feels

a/n : my first evans writing and it’s a soulmate one this makes me happy

Originally posted by beardedchrisevans

“Good evening.”

“How was your day?”

“Shitty. As always.”

“Tell me about it.”

You live in a world where soulmates exist. You are always linked to your soulmate, from the moment both of you are born to the moment both of you dies. And because you’re linked, you get to have conversations with them in your dreams. You can’t see them, only hear. And you can never tell each other your names, what you look like, or where you live. If you try to, it’ll just come out as TV static and you’ll be banned from talking to each other for a week.

Your soulmate helps you out a lot. Life isn’t the easiest thing, for reasons you won’t mention. But once you go to sleep every night, you get to talk to him. And he makes it all better. To be honest, your soulmate is a better talker than listener. Which you appreciate, but you’d like to get to know him more.

You live in the same time zone as your soulmate. Every now and again there will be a news story about two old people who still haven’t found their soulmate yet driving up and down the timezone just to meet at a rest stop. The only real way you can identify your soulmate is by their voice. Which unfortunately for me, I haven’t heard much.

“Tell me about your day this time.”

“Um, why?”

“I feel like if we were ever to be at the same place at the same time, I wouldn’t be able to identify you by your voice.”

“Never worry about that. I’ll find you.”

“But what if you’re ever distracted? I don’t know. Both people should be able to identify their soulmate’s voice.”

“Fine. My buddies and I had a fun day at work today. We pranked our bosses.”

Now here you are.

“Isn’t he so dreamy?” y/f/n sighs.

“Aren’t I?” y/f/s/m asks.

“Of course babe.” y/f/n says, giving her soulmate a quick kiss on the lips. “What do you think, y/n?”

You sit on her couch, puzzled and bewildered. After your chat with your soulmate last night, you feel hyperaware to all male voices, trying to find the one. And now you think you did. “His voice sounds familiar. Can you play more?” You gulp. Your stomach feels like your grandma’s knitting a giant ball.

“Of course.” y/f/n replies with wide eyes, clicking on another video.

The three of you sit in silence, your brain thinking a million different thoughts. “Yeah, he’s my soulmate.” You exhale.

“Oh my gosh. This is amazing. How do people handle famous soulmates? Like, how does that work? Will you not be able to talk at night anymore? Should you go out and find him?”

“I’ll go home and call the soulmate agency. Thanks for helping me find my soulmate, y/f/n.” You say exasperated. You pick up your coat and look at her one last time before leaving her house.

“I know who you are.”


“Actually, it’s insane for me to not know who you are at this point.”

“I agree.”

“Now, I called the soulmate agency. They said I’m free to find you through my own measures. You aren’t allowed to help me.”

“So, when should I expect you?”

“I don’t know. Just, and I’m allowed to tell you this. My name is y/n y/l/n. Okay? Make sure I can see you.”

“You will. See you soon, y/n.”

“Mini vacation! Woo!” y/f/n screams, boarding the plane.

“This is crazy, y/f/n. I can’t do it.” I ramble.

“y/n. Listen to me.” y/f/n says, dragging you into a seat and sitting down next to you. “This is your soulmate. And he just happens to be Chris Evans. Captain America! You can’t just not go see your soulmate. This is your destiny. I believe in you! Ooh, I wonder if a Captain America movie is on here!” y/f/n’s attention is diverted to the TV screen on the seat.

You take a few deep breaths, giving y/f/n a smile as she puts on your soulmate’s movie.

“I’m going to see you tomorrow.”

“I can’t wait.”

“I’m so nervous.”

“Don’t be.”

“How is it supposed to be?”

“How is what supposed to be?”

“Meeting your soulmate? Y’know, this isn’t the conventional way. I know your name, what you look like, every girl you’ve dated, your childhood pictures, anything I need to know is just a quick Google search away. And you’ve barely told me anything before then.”

“And I’ve heard you ramble for hours, we might be equal. Kind of. Not really. Almost. Anyways, don’t worry. It’s going to be perfect.”



“Hi. I’m y/n y/l/n. I’m here to see Chris Evans?” You say to the security, kinda hoping he won’t let you in.

“ID?” He asks, and you show him your license. “Have a good day.” He hands your license back to you and opens the gate. “Go to lot 2B.”

“Thank you.” You say, biting your lip and driving off. y/f/n gives you directions. Your mind is racing, your heart is beating rapidly, and your stomach is flipping. You park in the lot and don’t move from your seat.

“Hey, y/n? You breathing?” y/f/n asks, waving a hand in front of your face, and you turn to look at her. “Hey, y/n, I know you’re nervous. This is your moment.”

You take a deep breath and walk up to the studio door. “Do I knock?” You ask.

“I don’t know.” y/f/n shrugs. “Ooh, a button! Maybe they can buzz us in.” She says, pressing the button.

“Lot 2B filming Avengers: Infinity War. Joe Russo speaking. Who’s this?” The speaker says.

“Um, y/n y/l/n?” You reply.

“Oh my gosh Chris she’s here!” You hear a voice yell from inside the studio, and shortly after, the Robert Downely Jr. is opening the door.

“Come in, please. So nice to meet you, y/n. I’m Robert.” He says, placing a hand on your back and leading you inside the studio. “Over here we have the talented Russo brothers, then Scarlet Johannson and Chris Hemsworth. And your soulmate, Chris Evans, should be coming out of costume.” Robert leads you over to the chairs, inviting you to sit in your soulmates while you two chat.

Suddenly the whole room goes silent, and you turn your head to where Robert is looking. There, in all his glory, was your soulmate. He smiles at you. That smile causes all your fears to be washed away. You jump out of his chair, running across the set and jumping into his masculine arms. He lifts you off the floor and holds you tightly.

“You’re my girl now.” He whispers softly in your ear.

I’m his girl.

Now, when you meet your soulmate face to face, you can’t talk to each other in your dreams. Because now you can do that during the day.

“Good morning, my beautiful girl.” Chris rolls over, facing you.

“I can’t believe you had to shave. You look like a nerd.” You giggle, rubbing your hands on his chin.

“Oh, I’m the nerd?” Chris replies, gesturing to your bookshelves filled with books.

“Hey, you’re the one playing a comic book character.” You shrug.

“And you’re the one who’s in love with him.” He teases.

“Well, that wasn’t my choice.” You blow a raspberry at him.

“Okay, time to get up.” He says, getting out of bed.

“I said,” he says with a stupid smirk on his face, “time to get up!” He lifts you out of bed and carries you in his arms.

“Darn you. I was going to go back to bed until I woke up to the smell of bacon.”

“C’mon, I gotta drive you to work in 30 minutes.”

“I love you.” You kiss his beardless face. “Now put me down.”

OKAY. Look at this picture of Alfie and Zoe in Alfie’s recent vlog. IF YOU’RE TELLING ME RIGHT NOW THIS DOESN’T RESEMBLE DAN AND PHIL I WILL SCREAM (this is a really bad screenshot)
Alfie is Dan 

Zoe is Phil

if you wanna see the clip at 5:11 :) your welcome

everyone  &  their  mums:  man  adam  is  hot
me:  this  is  true  but  you  can’t  look  at  eve’s  shirtless  ,  tattooed  ,  half  unbuttoned  pants  -  wearing  bad  boy  looking  self  tell  me  you  don’t  think  that  shit’s  hot  

ignore  the  fact  he  has  the  mentality  of  an  8-year  old  &  that  he  isn’t  particularly  bright  you’re  set  tbh

  • me: *casually mentions trauma with no emotion at all because i've distanced myself somehow*
  • neurotypical friend/family: *big wide eyes full of concern*
  • me: ANYWAYS you hungry?
  • me on the inside: ShUT UP STOP oversharing

It was cat day today, so this had to be done– Sae-nyan (or would it be Nyan-ran) goes out to make a friend//

Bonus: a mini Yoo-nyan! ☆


if jimon isn’t real someone should tell dom — (6/??)

he’s got a smile brighter than his hair


I told you, I won’t run anymore.


So why are you still carrying me?


Please don’t repost, edit or claim as your own. Thank you.

honestly as homestucks, we did Rose Lalonde dirty by never reading her as the Gamer Girl she was. playing a game on launch day despite overwhelming evidence that it’s a Bad Idea? writing a game walkthrough and publishing it to the multiverse? pushing the limits of the game in almost every way?

if rose were 13 in the year of our lord  2018, you cannot look me in the eyes and tell me she would not be a game youtuber.

Just because incompatible animals are not actively fighting one another or showing obvious signs of neglect does not mean they are not stressed.

There is no basic moral difference between housing incompatible / solitary animals together if they never ever not once fight or fight all of the time - both are wrong and unnecessary. 

Actual, observable, physical, wounding fighting is the CLIMAX of stress, not the beginning. 

Your incompatible animals are not “fine” if they do not fight. Fighting takes energy and is even more stressful, and a lot of times stress can even inhibit aggression. This does not mean the animals are not stressed in their situation.

You are not special or cool, you do not defy animal behavior and biology, if you are keeping solitary animals together they undoubtedly are experiencing stress. You choose to ignore how these animals live in nature or how they are bred to behave - how they are biologically programmed and should be kept in your home, without exception - and put their welfare at risk for your selfishness, with I’m sure very few and very rare exceptions. Guidelines and standards of care, including housing and cohabitation, are not based on a roll of dice. They exist to best replicate the animal’s natural environment where they are most suited to live and most comfortable in. The satisfaction of or neglect of those standards directly correlates to the animal’s health and well-being or lack thereof. 

Stop putting your ego before what is best for the animals in your care.

  • My friend: So you have a thing for guys rolling up their sleeves, gloves, and suspenders?
  • Me: (thinking about Ignis) yeah