and technically

ok but think about this

IM DRUNK AND THIS BLOG IS NOT FOR TELLNG U GUYS MY PERSONAL THOIGHTS BUT I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS?

WHAT IF Aunt Petunia had never grown jealous or bitter toward her sister? What if she just accepted it? She’d be 100% nicer, HELL, she might’ve never fallen for Vernon at all, or had Dudley. Basically you might have this catty uppity suburban lady that gossips with the neighbors……but also feeds the gnomes in her garden when they aren’t looking. Who fishes out pixies that got stuck in her drainpipe. Plants magical herbs and she doesn’t even know what they do she just thinks they’re cool and besides Lily mentioned never being able to find them at an affordable rate. And all the neighbors whisper “That Petunia down the street is really strange.” And sometimes she hears them but she doesn’t take offense because she knows a lot of strange people and she rather likes them

Baby Harry comes to live with her and she teaches him everything he needs to know from day one. Unfortunately for him he realizes when he gets to Hogwarts that most of Petunias knowledge of the wizarding world comes from wizarding tabloids and he face palms for the entire first book as Ron explains to him “No Harry professor quirrell was never caught singing karaoke at a bar in Barbados” “where in the world did you get the idea that Hogwarts was built on an old burial ground” “for the last time NO there is NO SUCH THING as crumple horned snorkacks I PROMISE you harry”

Petunia taking Harry to Diagon Alley for his supplies and arguing with Madame Malkins about fabric, nd telling the goblins at Gringotts that she’d like to open up a credit card with them for Harry and they’re like ???..?? 

Petunia sending Harry mail at school and the letter is all just talking about which celebrity actress was dating which celebrity actor

Petunia coming for the family visit during the triwizard cup. PETUNIA AT HOGWARTS. Petunia finally seeing the place her sister loved so well but where she herself never got to go. Petunia trying to put Hagrid on a diet. Petunia making friends with Luna “because her father is the journalist of the decade. you should marry her sweetums she’s sitting on a goldmine.” Petunia meeting dobby and knitting him an entire wardrobe. Petunia meeting winky like “honey I feel you. pass the wine”

THIS COUKD BE SO GREAT LIKE. THIS IS A STRAIGHT UP ROALD DAHL BOOK THS IDNT EVEN HARRY POTTER ANYMORE. SIGN mE UP. GOD DAMMIT.