and swooning at the fourth one

Imagine Chris finding you incredibly amusing.

It was a slow day at work, you probably only had ten or so patrons eating at the diner. You were so preoccupied refilling the salt shakers and pepper mills that you didn’t even notice your favorite actor, Chris Evans sitting by the corner window. This was the fourth time in a week that he’d been in because of you, yet you had not once spoken with him.

He always sat in your co-workers’ stations and made sure to slip his cap and sunglasses on when they spoke with him so no one would alert you of his presence. He knew you were a fan- from overhearing you swoon over him numerous times with your co-worker, Ally- and was afraid you’d lose your candid personality if you knew he was in the crowd; your brutal honesty, straightforwardness and sassiness was kind of what enticed him to keep coming back each day. You had no idea but Chris Evans found you incredibly amusing.

He enjoyed watching you work, listening to the way you’d interact with customers- both good and bad. You didn’t enjoy your encounters with the snobby and rude customers, but he enjoyed watching your encounters with them. It was interesting to him, hilarious even. He liked the way you’d come up with witty comebacks that flew right over the customers’ heads, the way you’d smile but roll your eyes the second they turn their backs on you, and the way you’d turn down douchey frat boys and the snobby business men who think they can buy you off with the promise of expensive things.

Your IDGAF attitude and your constant sass gave you the reputation of being cold and rude, but those who really knew you- those who really observed you knew you were anything but. Chris knew, he could tell you were actually an incredibly kind hearted person. He could see it from the way you’d draw adorable faces in a child’s hot chocolate; walk elderly folks out to their cars with an umbrella when it rained; confront customers that treated your co-workers unfairly; and wave those who deserved your kindness and didn’t have the spare change with a ‘don’t worry about it’. You were a good person and he could see that.

Chris watched you from afar, once again admiring how beautiful you were. He smiled every time he saw you conversing with yourself under your breath, wishing he knew what you were saying; whatever it was must have been pretty interesting if you had to constantly fight the urge to smile or laugh. God, you were a sight for sore eyes; he could just watch you forever. But he was done just watching, he wanted to talk to you and get to know you.

“Y/N,” you heard Max call your name as he slid an order across the counter. “It’s for the two ladies at table B, just make the latte first. Her friends wants the soy cappuccino after she finishes her meal,” he told you and you nodded, taking the order from him and walking over to the coffee counter. “Just so you know,” he followed you across with a smirk on his lips. “There’s a really cute guy that’s been sitting in my section for the past four days and-”

“I didn’t know you swung that way, Max,” you teased him and he chuckled softly. “Here I was thinking you always had a thing for me, guess I was wrong. It’s okay,” you reached for his hand and patted it endearingly, “whatever makes you happy.”

“One day, Y/N, one day I’m going to think your quick wit is no longer cute.” He told you and you laughed. “You’re lucky today is not that day otherwise I would’ve walked away and not informed you of your secret admirer.” He beckoned his head to the corner window booth and you rolled your eyes, not bothering to look. “He’s been here four days in a row and I think it’s because of you.”

“Me too, that’s why we’ve been talking so much in the last four days.” You responded sarcastically as you began to make the latte. “Honestly, Max,” you chuckled with a shake of your head. “I’m flatter you think every cute guy is here because of me but it’s getting a little old. Can’t you go and bother Ally? She’s cute, she might have a few admirers too.”

“Perhaps, but not this guy.” Max glanced back over at Chris who had noticed the attention he was getting and had now buried his head in his book; he had left his cap and sunglasses behind today. “This guy is definitely here because of you. Trust me, Y/N,” he turned back to you and you sighed. “I’m a guy, I know when a guy likes a girl and that guy likes you. Just- go over and say hello when you’re done with this latte? Humor me a little.”

“Fine,” you huffed and he smiled. “Why are you so eager to get me off the market anyway? Don’t you want me as a backup plan, or something? In case your current relations don’t work out and you realize I’m the girl for you after all?”

“You are far too special to be my backup plan,” he told you and you smiled. “If I want to be with you, I’ll fight for you when my current relations don’t work out. Until then- you’re more than welcome to date and be happy because you deserve that. I gotta go put this order in, go say hello to him when you’re done.” He waited until you nodded before he headed for the kitchen.

You finished making the latte and delivered it to Max’s table for him, since it was on your way to your 'secret admirer’. “Latte?” You asked the two ladies and was about to put it down in front of the lady that nodded when her friend yelled in your face.

“I said after my meal!”

You scoffed and calmly placed the latte down on the table before turning your attention onto her rude friend. “This isn’t your coffee,” you told her with a volume almost equal to hers. “Did you order a latte?” You quizzed, raising your eyebrows at her. “No, so how about you not yell in my face.” The words formed a suggestion but it didn’t sound like one. You turned back to her friend and smiled sweetly, “enjoy your coffee, ma'am.”

Chris watched that entire encounter go down and he chuckled behind his book; he didn’t realize that you were actually close enough to hear him. You looked over at his table and narrowed your eyes, a curious smile on your lips. You walked over and gently knocked on his table, he lowered his book and looked up at you. Your jaw dropped when you realized who was sitting in front of you.

“Oh my God,” you breathed, “you’re Chris Evans.”

“Hi Y/N,” he said your name with a smile and you felt the air knocked out of your lungs.

“You know my name?” A nervous chuckle escaped your throat. “Captain America knows my name.”

“It’s not my first time here,” he chuckled softly. “Plus- and don’t freak out when I say this,” he quickly added with his hands held up in surrender before continuing, “I kind of come here because of you.” Your eyes narrowed but your heart sang 'cause Max was right. “You’re very amusing to watch work.”

“So you just come here and watch me work?”

“You don’t have to make it sound so weird.” He chuckled nervously, the heat rising to his cheeks. “I have breakfast here, I don’t just sit and- Look, I’m not a stalker or anything,” he rambled and you suppressed the urge to laugh. “I just- you’re very pretty and you’re incredibly funny and- Oh God,” he ran his hand through his un-gelled hair, “I’m drowning here, aren’t I?”

“A little bit,” you giggled. “But you’re Chris Evans and I’m a huge fan so- all this is just cute to me.”

“That’s good to know.” He chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. “I’ve been wondering…” he trailed off, a little afraid you’d reject him like you’d rejected other guys before. “If you um-” he swallowed, the butterflies in his stomach being chewed by rats. “I was just-”

“Would you like to have dinner with me?” You asked before he could. “Or maybe grab a cup of coffee, somewhere where I don’t have to make it?” You suggested and his heart skipped a beat. “That way you can get to know me like a normal person.” You joked and he laughed. “Here’s my number.” You scribbled it down on your pad and ripped the page out for him. “Call me some time,” you told him and threw a smile over your shoulder as you made your way back to your counter.

“Well?” Max asked when you saw you.

Before you could tell him what had just happened, your phone buzzed in your pocket. You pulled it out and narrowed your eyes at the unfamiliar number. “Hello?” You spoke upon answering then smiled when you heard the familiar voice.

“Just me calling you some time,” Chris smiled and gave you a small wave as you turned his way. “Think you could squeeze me in for dinner tonight?” He asked and you smiled. “I know you don’t work nights, so…” He trailed off and you chuckled.

“And you said you’re not a stalker.”


The only day I look forward to more than Flatember the Fourth is Stoned Sleepy Malc Day is Remembrance Sunday.

1.  Because I will NEVER tire of casual Malc with his feet on the furniture (his desk his fucking rules) and his fingers and his glasses and his lovely ruffled hair.

2. Because it is one of the very few bits of TTOI that can be pinpointed in time to not just to the day and the hour, but also – at least for the part in Malcolm’s office – to almost the exact minute.

(original sentiment originally posted in 2013, but all new gifs and somewhat revised text for this year’s exciting celebration.)