pairing: jeon jungkook x reader genre: angst word count: 1.2k(because I don’t actually know how to drabble) drabble prompt: post-argument + “Sometimes I hate you, sometimes I love you. I’m trying to decide which I’m feeling right now.” a/n: Oh dear, I’ve never done Kookie angst. My poor heart. It could possibly have a part two though if I get any request for it
in the aftermath of things, you never did come after me. we didn’t waste time with hopeful antics, never said goodbye. you just woke up one day and decided I wasn’t what you wanted and two weeks later I pulled myself out of bed to live and breathe in a world where I don’t end up with you. the realization that I could have never been what you needed- hurts. but I also know that the things meant to happen for me, will always find a way. when you didn’t call, when you didn’t fight for me, I realized there was no point in stepping foot out onto a battlefield where I’m outnumbered. and so I didn’t. i sold myself to the idea that I’m better without you until I started to believe in it. and today, I believe in it whole heartedly. it took me a long time to get here and maybe I could never get back who I was on the day I loved you the most, but I also know that better things are coming. and I’m finally brave enough to open my arms for new beginnings.
Don’t forget Gorillaz fans, Jamie Hewlett exist! He made all you’re favorite band members come to life in the music videos, shorts, ect! He continues drawing them countless times and works day and night to give you new content with the band members! So please appreciate him!!! ❤❤❤
Wow. Okay. Hey everyone (that’s still around). YCPfE and I are finally back. Like. Actually back.
I know it’s been a long break and I kind of disappeared after saying I’d update - and I know there’s only so much I can say to excuse myself, but a bunch of things kind of all happened at once. (After I got out of the hospital, my father went into hospital (hence the trip back to my other home), and then because it was so bad, I had to move him halfway across the country to come live with me for a while. THEN, if that wasn’t enough, one of my partner’s family members was murdered. And they left behind a 4-year-old daughter, who, for quite a while, it looked like we were going to adopt. (It didn’t end up happening.) Plus a few other things I don’t want to get into.)
BUT, now that my life has somewhat calmed down and there doesn’t seem to be any life-changing things on the horizon, I can finally get back to writing.
I hope you’ll all forgive me for the really long hiatus and not getting a chapter out when I said I would. I promise that I’ll do better at keeping you guys updated. I’m going to do my best at responding to the messages I can and getting back on track with original content here. If you have any questions or just want to rant to me, please feel free to message me.
AS IT IS. I’ll be updating Wednesday. I just need Tuesday to do a bit of editing and I should be good to go. I’ll get you a teaser in a few hours as well, just so you know this is actually happening.
Genuinely good people who accept constructive criticism and change their own views when shown they are wrong
have said on various occasions that every headcanon design for TAZ is valid and Canon in their own way, and that the graphic novel should be taken with a grain of salt
This fucking hellsite, that can't chill out for more than one fucking minute:
uHHH.... TAAKO IS GREEN NOW? tHATD IS ANTISEMITIC AND YOU KNOW IT JUSTIN. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT SMH UNFOLLOWED BLOCKED DONT TRY TO TELL ME OTHERWISE
like. thank you for being my friend. i know we won’t ever say this in person unless we’re too drunk to hold it in and i know if we do we won’t talk about it in the morning but every time you’re next to me i feel like you radiate invincibility. like if i make stupid mistakes you’ll find a way to save me. like i’d do anything to make you happy. like. buddy you’re weird and sort of abrupt and sometimes too honest but i look at all of these traits you hate and i just. really love them. so yeah like don’t ever talk about the fact i told you this or that i got sappy or that once i cried telling you how much you’d be missed but know it’s true. if you died i’d be, like. super pissed. i don’t know. i love you, is all. don’t make, like, a thing out of it.
Sometimes… Poly is watching your partner get their needs that match yours met with someone else.
Sometimes poly is having to accept less, instead of all.
Sometimes poly is, I hate this, but you don’t need my permission to do it anyway.
Sometimes poly is burning. Sitting in your room, your house, alone, burning with all the emotions and there is no one to put you out except yourself. And sometimes, you’re not enough of a firefighter.
Sometimes poly is boring.
Sometimes poly is Netflix and chilling, by yourself, your own hand down your pajama pants.
Sometimes poly is rage. Fierce, hot, molten gold down your gullet, choking you, burning you, cooking you to a not-quick enough death.
Sometimes it’s this is not enough, but this is better than nothing.
Sometimes it’s pain, bright, white hot, cutting into the very core of you. Splintering you into a thousand, million pieces.
Sometimes it’s I don’t know how I survive this.
Sometimes poly is… Acceptance of not so great, because there is no other option.
Sometimes poly is a snide laugh, a kick in the gut, a slap in the face.
Sometimes poly is heartbreak.
Sometimes poly is, I will never feel “safe” again.
Sometimes it’s just… Overthinking. Overanalyzing. Overdoing. Over scheduling. Overtalking. Over… Everything.
Sometimes poly is… Can’t I just go back?
But what poly really is?
Poly is I can’t. I can’t go back. Because going back would mean so much sacrifice. So much giving up of people that I cannot fathom how much I love them. So much beautiful, wonderful, awful exploration of self that I would never get again. I can’t say, I don’t want my lovers and friends and amazing people who blur ALL of my lines and boundaries with their amazing selves. I can’t say, for the sake of some general level of “comfort” that I know is false, I will give up everyone. Their intimacy, their vulnerability, their nakedness. What they look like laughing, and coming, and crying. Versions of them I don’t get to see within the confines of monogamy as I knew it. I have sacrificed so very much to be here, uncomfortable, today.
I feel I’m awake now, with all the discomfort that comes with awakening. But I can’t go back to sleep. It’s shitty, sometimes, being awake. The sun is too bright, the sounds too harsh. It’s easy when I’m head down, dreaming. But it’s not real, you know? It’s an illusion, a construct. It works for some, but I’ve taken the red pill. I’ve seen my life for how it is, my thinking for how it is. I can’t unsee it. Maybe one day how I outwardly perform myself will change, but for now, I can’t go back. I am what I am, doing what I’m doing the ways that I do it. Sometimes it hurts. Fuck yeah it hurts. Don’t ever believe anyone who tells you anything remotely differently. And you know what?
Through this, we grow.
We become something else. We become better, stronger. We know ourselves more. We know more words to use to advocate for ourselves, and that is fucking amazing. Without this pain, without this trial by fire and molten metal, we might not know what we’re capable of. And knowing what we’re capable of is an awesome, incredible thing. That is what makes you, you. That is what inspires you to fucking amazing things. Even if the journey is horrible to get there.