and something a little happier for the end of this tough year

10 Things They Don’t Tell You about Finding Your First Teaching Position

Congratulations on graduating you teacher/educator! Wrapping up your student teaching and walking across that stage is a validation of four long years of work. Now all that’s left is to find your first teaching job.

1.) You will not have a job in May. Breathe.

Especially if you’re not math, science, or SPED expect not to have a job in May. This can be an incredibly scary and daunting position to be headed towards, but it is also completely normal. Schools do not even start thinking about the next school year until late June/early July. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t even start your search until then, but don’t panic until August 1st. Perhaps you’re a self-driven “go-getter” who just knows in your heart you’re going to be one of the few with a job. That’s great, be determined, but know that the system you’re headed towards does not really reward go-getters, and often you’ll feel like you’re constantly speeding up to a red light. The people who are graduating with a job are either: student teaching at a school that has an opening, their CT is head of the department, or they return to the high school they themselves attended. There is nothing wrong with using connections, but if you’re not in the one of the above three categories, it is a tough process to get your foot in the door. Thousands of teachers just like you go through this process every year. Breathe, and you will be fine.

2.) There will be peaks and valleys

There will be days that you are nailing it; there will be days where you are wallowing in self-pity on the carpet blubbering about how you’re un-hirable (and maybe un-lovable) and should crawl under a rock and die. As with any job search, the journey is a long one and is filled with peaks and valleys. This is something that your education prep courses notoriously under-prepared you for. To start with, they do not give you a real scope of just how much time the search itself is going to take you and the courses, (no matter how many resume building classes you attend) can’t prepare you for how personal it feels when you never get a call back, or a reply email. The valleys are so long and so deep and the peaks are so short that you may accidentally trip over one on the way to another valley. You present the best version of yourself for so long and seem to still face rejection at every corner. There will be days where you get that email or a principal will leave a voicemail and you will feel as if you have vanquished a monster every time. Those are glorious times in the kingdom. Know this: it is not personal, there is nothing wrong with you, keep up the good fight.

3.) Take Sundays for you

Obviously being determined is important and you want to start early and have your application materials (resume, letters of rec…etc) as soon as you can get them together. However, nothing ever gets accomplished on a Sunday. It’s rare for any principals to be in their office, district offices certainly aren’t open, and everything shuts down on a Sunday. In the mad, stressful search that is finding your first teaching position, take Sundays for you. Go to the movies, hang out with friends, go swimming. Whatever the case may be you will never get anything accomplished on a Sunday, so you might as well take the day to unwind and enjoy what little of a summer you have. A lot of your search is going to be about balance and not stressing yourself out into a panic. Taking one day a week is a very manageable way to organize your time and make sure you’re not going to get burned out too early.

4.) Everyone’s a critic

Teaching is a unique profession in the sense that everyone around you, teachers or not, will think they know how to do it and will give you advice on your job search. Random people will ask “well, did you call any principals yet?” and you’re supposed to act shocked at this revelation that is going to single-handedly turn your career around. Your friends and family will mean well, which it makes it very difficult to get upset with them when they turn to you in May wondering why you haven’t found work. You have done your research; you know when districts start hiring or when they have career fairs…etc, just hold your head up high. It’s difficult when you feel you’re doing every little thing you can to find a job and your family and friends are breathing down your neck and offering patronizing advice like “make sure you have extra copies of your resume.” Extra copies? WHAT? Slow down, let me get a pen, I want to get all of this written down! The best advice is to smile and nod and don’t let their ignorance of our profession get under your skin.

 5.) Learn to love the hoops

Contrary to what movies (and your family) will tell you, teaching is not a one “30-minute-interview-handshake” sort of thing anymore (see #2). A very plausible scenario: you to attend a career fair and give a 5-minute meet and greet, to which they will schedule another follow-up interview (usually lasting about 30-40 minutes) after that interview you would make it to the second round, which is a 20 minute teaching demonstration lesson, followed by an hour-long debrief on your lesson’s strengths and weaknesses. Finally they’d narrow it down to two candidates, and you would have to interview an additional time for the position, then wait a week and a half while the principal/admin team makes their decision for which you have a 50/50 shot at. That is roughly 4-5 hoops to jump through. Urban districts, rural districts, and every district in between have a lengthy screening process that, (unless you’re in one of the three categories mentioned in #1) will take some time to complete. There is no way around this process, and the only way to win the game is to play it. You will have to love the process, because if you don’t life will become a meaningless abyss and you’ll end up like one of those teaching majors who take some desk job somewhere and convince themselves they’re happier not being in a classroom. Stick with it! It is what everyone else is doing and you will make it out alive.

6.) There aren’t always right answers

So congrats, you landed the interview! That is a feat in and of itself because principals and assistant principals have to sort through so many different resumes and qualified applications that making the cut that first time is a success. When looking for your first teaching job out of college, it is hard to get out of that “right/wrong, black/white, yes/no” mentality. In your education classes there were right or wrong answers. However, in interviews with principals (especially the earlier ones) they are just looking for how you think or how you shape your ideas/philosophy over time. Answer the questions as succinctly and honestly as you can. Sometimes they may ask a question you know nothing about, such as a specific theory or score-reporting software. In these cases, just admit you’re unfamiliar with whatever concept they are asking you about, but are willing to do some independent research. Hundreds of applicants will be b.s.-ing answers all day to their faces, and most principals will thank you for your honesty. Get out of that “right/wrong” dichotomy because it’s going to put a lot more stress on you when speaking with the principal. There is, of course, the possibility that whomever is interviewing you will hate all your answers, and that’s fine (see #7) that just means it’s somewhere you don’t want to be, or wouldn’t “gel” well with the rest of the staff.

7.) Go to every interview

This sounds like common sense, and the angry skeptic might read this point as “oh yeah, let me turn down all the NOTHING I’m getting offered.” Hold tight. After working your way through May and June and maybe even early July you will finally start to get some traction. Schools will start calling you back slowly, but surely. Think of it as the first snowflake of an avalanche, or the first drop in a rainstorm, or whatever various “more will come” metaphor you’d prefer. You start to hack your way through the jungle of hoops and a few schools tell you you’re being “highly considered” or “you’re the favorite candidate for this position.” That is great news! However, be wary of ever assuming you’ve got a job in the bag. There may be a point where you’re so sure one school wants to hire you, and then you’ll get another call. Go to that interview. Until your signature is ink on paper, keep jumping through the hoops. Sometimes the best school will contact you later in the year and might be the best thing for you. The universe is a random and chaotic thing, so keep as many options open as possible and be careful about shutting doors too quickly.  

8.) Don’t kid yourself on where you want to be

In line with #6, be honest about what kind of environment, and what kind of student body you want to teach. Some of your peers will opt for the more rural areas where you have to drive 30 minutes to get to a Wal-Mart; the class sizes are smaller and the kids have a lot of parental involvement. However, some of your peers will opt for more urban areas, some of your peers will opt for a suburb area or a private school; they all have pros and cons. At any rate, make sure you know what kind of area you want to be in, and make those a top priority in your search for a job. Spending a year in an environment you hate will drive you nuts and, frankly, it will rub off on your students and will be a bad situation all around. When you feel like you’re drowning, you might be quick to accept “any port in a storm,” and this is entirely natural. However, fight this urge. Your students will sense it, your administration will sense it, and that’s bad news. You may be waiting a bit longer, and other jobs might pass you up in the meantime, but it is better to wait for a position you could really see yourself in rather than taking the first offer that comes along.

 9.) Your resume will never matter as much as your personality

Over the years you may have added many fellow education majors to Facebook (through classes, for projects, whatever.) You will have seen these peers teach in classes, and through four years you’ll have a rough idea of how these men and women are in a classroom. These peers will forget to turn on projectors, refuse to accept any criticisms of their lesson plans, or speak so softly they couldn’t command an army of ants let alone a classroom. Every other day you will see someone post a status announcing their new position of gainful employment. Some of these people you will remark “oh, good for them!” and for others your jaw will drop in disbelief that some district out there in the world gave that person a job. It’s rude, it’s petty, but you will think it. Bottom line: be prepared to see bad teachers get jobs before you. That’s because they met with a principal who, more than likely, just felt like that applicant would be a “good fit” for their building. Often they are correct. Your resume is incredibly important to getting your foot in the door, but at the end of the day that personality has to shine through because that is what’s going to clinch you the job.

10.) We are all on the same ship

There are some who believe that finding your first teaching job is a zero-sum game. (Your loss is their win.) These people will commonly say things like “I’m not sharing any of my resources!” or “Why would I tell people about openings I know about? Then someone else could get them!” Do not, under any circumstances, choose to be one of those people. Teaching is a profession built on collaboration and the people who respond to the stress of searching for a job by lashing out and treating everyone like the enemy make this process practically unbearable. Sometimes a friend will get a call from an urban school, and she’ll pass your name along to them instead because she’d prefer something more rural. Sometimes it is just that easy. We, as educators, have enough to deal with trying to find that first job without worrying about our peers stabbing us in the back.  We are all passengers on the same ship just trying to get into classrooms to inspire and foster students. Rest assured you will get into a classroom, and all the effort will be worth it. Once you finally secure that job, do you really want to turn around and see that no one’s behind you because you were more interested in stepping on necks than helping people out?

One day your grandkids will ask “what was the best day of your life?” and having kids and grandkids and winning the lottery and solving the world’s problems will pale in comparison to the day a principal calls you to offer you the position. That moment is coming; be prepared and try to relax.

The Least I Can Do

Originally posted by cherrybomb124

Request: Hi!! Love your writing. Can I request a fic where Jensen goes to the big Victoria Secret Fashion Show that happens every year. And the reader is a model who’s in the show. He falls for her right away and then when they meet, he gets all nervous and cute?

Pairing: Jensen x reader

Word Count: 1,200ish

Warnings: none

A/N: First actor x reader piece. Be gentle with it. Also didn’t tag anyone since I wasn’t sure if you guys are into actor fics…


Keep reading

My Mistake Chapter 3

Pairing: AJ Styles x OFC (Jessica), mention of AJ x Charlotte

Rating: General

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 2,154

Summary: Jessica, a stylist for WWE, has a special friendship with AJ Styles, spending most of her time with him. But after the Superstar Shake-up and Charlotte coming to Smackdown, Jessica’s relationship with AJ changes drastically. And Jessica is not sure she can handle these changes.

Inspiration: “It’s my mistake for not making you love me more. It’s my mistake for loving you more than you love me. I did not make you love me more as much as I do. It’s my mistake” - SNSD “My Mistake”

Ch. 1, Ch 2 

The following morning, Carmella and I pack up and head to meet up with Tamina. Normally I would ride with AJ (and unfortunately Charlotte as well) to the next town. But after last night, I want nothing to do with AJ Styles. I cannot bring myself to face him right now. The wound is too new to try and confront AJ just yet; so I’ll just avoid him and Charlotte like the plague.

And that is exactly what I do for the next two weeks. As childish as it might seem, but I do everything in my power to make sure I am never in the same place as AJ or Charlotte at the same time. I change around everything just to try and avoid seeing them, separate or together. I was thankful to have a few people I could trust to help keep me from them without having to explain the situation to them.

Keep reading

MAJIM One Shots - The Multiverse Theory

A one-shot based on @majimforever’s short fiction. To all the Majim shippers - our ship’s not dead.


“So I just got off the phone and the flowers are all okay now, just had a last minute issue with the suppliers but they got that all straightened out,” says Melissa.

Jim was staring out the window of his New York apartment, deep in thought. He didn’t hear a word that his bestfriend just said. He was still unsure about telling Mayim of his important announcement. This is a big deal for the both of them and he knows telling her will not be easy.

“… and then Beth finally confirmed that they’re coming so I can close the final guest list unless you have some last minute changes?” She looks up from her iPad and realized that Jim wasn’t even listening. She walked to where he was and looked out the streets of Gramercy Park.

Jim notices and looks at her with furrowed brows when he was met with her raised eyebrows. “What?” he asks.

“Your mind’s not even here. I was asking about the guest list. Anyone else you want to add?” she asks him.

He looks down on his phone. He pushes the power button to check on the time. She should be in Manhattan by now…

“Yeah… let me just make a few phone calls and I’ll get back with you.” he answers.

“Alright, well I’m heading out for lunch with Ken. Want to go or do you want to wait for Todd?”

“I think I’ll stay in. Thank you, though.” says Jim.

With a hug from Melissa, he was finally alone in his apartment. He went to their study and sat behind his desk. Looking at his phone again, he noticed a notification. Mayim was live on Instagram. He quickly opened the app to to watch.

A smile quickly brightened up his features. She looked radiant - her dress makes her look like an angel. She was telling people how much makeup she had on and he couldn’t help but frown at her dismissal of her fans’ compliments. Without realizing it, he started to type the words, ‘You look very very pretty’ and posted the comment.

He blinks once, twice, a few more times when he realized what he just posted. He waited for her to notice, but with the constant comments coming in, she never did. The live video ended and he placed his phone on the study table. “She looks like she’s having a nice day…”

Even when he said the words, he knows that he wants her there. How he wished Melissa never told him about Mayim’s feelings. Granted, their co-star only revealed it accidentally, but still - he wished he didn’t know.

He decided to call her later that night. When the day is done. She still has a lot on her plate for him to interrupt her thoughts.


Mayim just started getting comfortable in her hotel bed when her phone rang. Reaching for it, he noticed who was calling and smiled.

“Finally! I’ve been waiting for you to call me since I got here,” she rushes answering the call.

“Hey. Yeah, I’m sorry. I’ve been busy too. How are you?”

“ A little tired, but I’m having so much fun, so that balances it quite nicely. And you?”

“I’m doing great. Thank you…” Silence followed his words. He needs to tell her.

“So when are we having dinner? I can only do evenings this week since I still have a few guestings.”

“Yeah… I don’t think that’s possible anytime soon. Listen, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Okay, go ahead.” She tried to play it cool even though she felt like her heart wanted to jump out of her chest. Which was irrational since she had no idea what this was about. But the tone of his voice…

The silence that followed was defeaning. Mayim broke it by asking him what’s going on.

“I’m getting married this Saturday. Todd and I are getting married.” Jim said, point-blank.

Mayim was shocked. Her mouth was agape and for a second she didn’t know how to respond. She quickly recovers and managed to get a few words out. “Co- congratulations! Oh my goodness, that’s - that’s great news! When? How did this -”

“We just - I just decided after we filmed the finale. I wanted to keep it from Todd till everything was sorted out and when I told him, he was so happy and I was happy and… This just feels right. He deserves this.” Jim explains, interrupting her.

She was trying to blink back the tears and keep her voice from sounding like she was choking. “That’s great. Again, congratulations,” was all that she could say.

“Will you be there? We would greatly appreciate it.”

“Of course. Yeah… Jim, I should go. I think Heather wants to discuss something about tomorrow’s schedule,” she lies.

“Mayim,”

“Jim,”

“Okay. I’ll send you an email about the details. Good night.” Jim disconnects the call.

He knows… Of course he knew. Was it that obvious? But why was he so hesitant to tell her? Was he being considerate of my feelings or… She shakes her head. She’s not going to that place. She’s been burned one, too many times. He obviously doesn’t share the same feelings. Otherwise he wouldn’t be marrying another person. She laid her head on the pillow and turned off the light. The bustling traffic is muffled and the city lights glimmer through the window of her room. In the city that never sleeps, a sad soul was lulled into unconsciousness by her tears.


The venue looked incredible - no doubt a work of Jim’s friend. The flowers and the arch under which the couple will stand under in a few minutes was the best one she’s seen. Out of all the weddings she’s been to, that certainly made the number one spot.

Mayim didn’t know how she managed to even get up at all, today. While this event will probably change a lot between him and Jim, she couldn’t be any happier that her friends are finally taking this step. It’s been a long time coming and if she were being honest, she knew that it was only a matter of time. Like all other times, she needs to and will be there to support Jim and Todd.

“Mayim!” A familiar voice came from somewhere in the crowd and she looks in time to see Simon walking towards her.

“Simon! Hi,” exchanging a hug and peck on the lips, Simon and Mayim quickly jumped into discussion about the wedding and her book tour. Shortly after, the guests were ushered in to the room for the wedding.

The music played, signalling the start of the procession of the grooms. When Jim came in, Mayim couldn’t help but admire how handsome he looked - how radiant his face was. Happiness. It was etched on his face. Her eyes moistened and took a deep breath. When he was about to pass by their row, Jim caught her eyes and he nodded with a solemn smile. She did too. She will not let her own feelings ruin this for her or for Jim. This was a special day, for a very special person in her life.

The ceremony went by, the reception program commenced - everything about the wedding was beautiful. The couple looked every bit as happy as all newlyweds should. From her table, Mayim was watching Jim dance with his sister. They were whispering and making each other laugh.

The evening went by quickly and before everyone knew, it was coming to a close. Jim hasn’t seen a Mayim all night and wanted to thank her for coming - that and he wanted to see how she was. He looked around and saw her exiting the room.

“Excuse me for a moment,” he tells Todd and a few other guests.

Jim made his way through the crowd and dodged a few well-wishers to follow Mayim out in the balcony. When he was finally outside, he spotted her at the very end of the walkway. She was just admiring the view with one drink in her hand. He makes his way towards her and she looks up to see him, looking at her with a blank expression. They stood side-by-side, looking at the New York skyline, not saying a word for a while.

“Lovely wedding. Everything was beautiful about today. Including you and Todd. You both look great,” she says, looking up at him. He, in return, looks down and gives her a smile.

“Thank you. And really, thank you so much for being here today.” Jim tells her.

“Of course. I’m really happy for you. You both are dear friends of mine. I wouldn’t miss this for the world,” she responds with teary eyes.

“Mayim, I - ” he starts. He wanted to tell her so much, but he cuts him off.

“I just need to know one thing. How long have you known?” Mayim asks.

Jim looks at her. She was back to admiring the lights in front of her. He knows what she means. He knows what she was asking. He may have found out by accident, but she deserves to know.“

"A couple of year,” Jim tells her.

She nodded. The tears she was trying to hold back just rolled down her cheeks and Jim hugs her. She allowed the tears to fall down - to let it all out. They were silent tears and it broke Jim’s heart to see her like this. She may be tough most of the time, but there are times when even the strongest, let their guards down. He just never imagined he’d be the cause of her pain.

“You know I feel like I need to apologize to every host or media correspondent who asked me if I ever learned any Physics. I lied. There’s one that actually stuck with me,” Jim says, rubbing her arms, while his head rests on hers.

“What’s that?”

“That theory about multiple universe existing along with this one that we’re living in.”

“Why do you think it stuck with you?” she asks, dabbing her eyes with a napkin.

He looks away, up at the sky and back at her before answering. “Because I believe that a universe exists where we are together - in that universe, I am yours and none of these complications exist,” looking away, he writes Mayim on the glass panel in front of them. “In all other lifetimes, in any other world where there’s you and me - we belong together.” As he said those words, tears fell from his eyes.

They held each other for a little while longer. They knew they would have to come back inside to face their friends and for Mayim to congratulate Todd too. But they stayed in that moment for as long as they could. One last time before they come back to reality, one last hug filled with honesty before they embrace what this universe they’re in, holds for them.

At least they both believe that somewhere, out there, a place where they can be more than just friends, exist. That was enough for Mayim.

I Know I’m Not The Only One//Part 3

A/N: One of my favorite little series is coming to an end, I loved writing this! Everyone voted for a happy ending so I hope this does he trick. 

PS: Spencer with long hair is my weakness. 


Originally posted by radspencerreid

In between setting up your new apartment, starting your new job and adjusting to a new city time felt as if it were flying. It took time but had finally found some peace in your new routine. Spencer had been respectful of your choices he hadn’t tried to reach out in any ways.

Penelope called you often to check in, giving you brief updates on any super crazy cases.”Enough about me P, what are you doing?” You asked trying to deflect the attention from your non-existent love life. “Oh nothing just baking cupcakes its Spencer’s birthday tomorrow and the team is–” There was awkward silent pause.

“Oh no, ooh no I did the thing. Y/N I’m so sorry.” This was the first time Penelope had mentioned Spencer in any of your conversations, but you didn’t feel pain, or anger it was something else. It was hard to describe exactly what felt like to hear even a small detail about his life, it was strange. “Hey nothing you need to be sorry about, tell boy genius Happy Birthday, I’m sure you guys will make it fun.”

It had been months since you had thought him. About your relationship, you had pushed all those thoughts away. Instead you worked, a lot, you found different things to distract your self, finding  a hobby was difficult. It was as if nothing worked, nothing distracted you enough, everything you tried still made you feel close to him. It was one in the morning when you put on your old running shoes, slid your head phones in ran until you we’re tired enough to not think anymore, and now it’s what you always did.

So that night after speaking to Penelope you did just that, you ran and ran trying to tire your mind more than your body. Expect this time there was no possible way of out running your own thoughts.

As you laid in bed that night you couldn’t help but think of all the birthdays you had shared with Spencer. Reminiscing about all the small, precious, loving moment you had created together. This is not where you thought you’d be, alone, starting all over again.

It had been couple of days since you had spoken to Penelope which was odd, she had a pretty good schedule and always stuck to it. As you picked up your phone to call her a different name flashed on your screen, JJ.

“Hello,” you said a little confused as to why she was calling, “Y/N it’s JJ, look I know we haven’t talked but this isn’t about us. Spencer is hurt, and it’s looking pretty rough right now.” You could hear her voice as she broke down in tears, “I just think you should be here.”

With out thinking about it twice you got on the first flight to New Mexico. Penelope filled you in on everything that had happened, they had finally closed in on the unsub and they thought they had cleared the place. Spencer was downstairs searching the room the unsub snuck up behind him, he never saw it coming.

Surgery was tough but the doctors said he should be in the clear, but the last two days he’d gotten worse a high fever and what the doctor thought was an infection. This wasn’t how you imagined seeing him again, in a hospital bed, not under these circumstances.

Possibly under better ones, happier ones, one where you had both moved on found some sort of happiness else where. Instead here you we’re sitting beside him watching all the different machines he was hooked up too. JJ had stayed behind, and Penelope had flown to in while the rest of the team was forced into another case.

“It’s so good to have you here, it’s so good to see you” Penelope said rushing to your side when she walked into the room. JJ placed the cardboard cup holder, on the small table. “It’s good to see you too” you said hugging her tightly, “Both of you” you said looking at JJ.

That night you all stayed up talking catching up, JJ tell you about Will and the kids. But once the conversation came to an end you looked at Spencer. “Thank you for coming, seriously.” JJ’s voice caught your attention.

“I know you probably don’t want to hear it but Y/N, Spencer still cares about you. This isn’t something you probably want to hear but he really is sorry, for what he did for how he hurt you. He doesn’t say it often but I know he misses you, a lot”

It was early in the morning when you had volunteered to go grab both of them some breakfast, and some much needed coffee. When you came back to the hospital room the door was opened and you watched as nurses walked in and out. You stood by door and watched as both JJ and Penelope surrounded his bed.

“We’re so glad you’re okay, Spence, you really had us worried” you heard JJ say, “I think you’ve slept enough for a whole year.”

“I dreamt about her, about her voice, she felt so close I can’t explain it”

“Spencer” JJ and Penelope both watched as you walked in standing by the end of the hospital bed. “That’s because I here, JJ called and I got here as fast as I could.”

Penelope and JJ took that as their cue to leave. “I can’t believe you’re actually here” Spencer was already attempting to sit up in her bed, “No, no don’t do that” you said anxiously rushing to his side.

“It’s really you, I’m not dreaming” Spencer said grabbing your hand. “It’s me” tears began to fill your eyes, but there way no way to control your emotions at this point.

“Y/N, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking of what I would say to you if I ever got to see you again. I am so sorry, I hurt you, I lied to you and you didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve you. I still don’t.”

“Don’t do this Spence”

“No, I have too. Y/N I love you, and I would do anything, anything to be with you again.”

“How about we start over, one more time, right from scratch.”

Spencer smiled, delighted by the offer, “Hi my name is Spencer, Spencer Reid, what’s your name?”

“Y/N, Y/L/N, pleasure to meet you”


TAGS: @reiding-and-writing @arizonalovesher @sithlordalice @queenelsaschuyler @thosefantasticbeast2 @obsessed-with-book-boyfriends @baerrylll @matthewgublers @valiantlyprofoundcheesecake @elyse121303 @mermaid-princess-wannabe @thecrownssmith @bolieve-that @angel-hunter-winchester @wundterwall @crimindsaspe @spencerreidtrash @socialscratch @okimdiya @bigcmfan @frickin-bats @coffeeismylife28 @riddle-me-bliss @lalakawe @devilgirlsarah @milkandcookies528 @pack-omega @cranky-blue-boy @do-i-really-know @heatherpotter @thegublerfiles @exitthevehiclenow @sassesu @crimindsaspe @amarislestrange

Eleanor Tomlinson decided she wanted to be an actress, aged just ten, while perched on the knee of a Nolan sister.

Which Nolan, I ask.

Tomlinson is sitting on a sofa in a London photographic studio. Now 24, poised, tall and whip-thin in a jumpsuit with an olive green trilby on her head, which she doesn’t remove for the duration of the interview, which is fine, if a bit off-putting. I’m not sure anyone I’ve interviewed remained behatted throughout; not even Marilyn Manson.

Regarding the Nolan:

“Whichever one was in The Bill,” Tomlinson says. (It was Bernie.)

Keep reading

Do you feel the same?

Hello beautiful people!! How are you doing? Today this is special for @takeiteasyonmyheart. Thank you for all sweetie! You are a sweetheart💕 hope you liked!
___________________________________________

“Hey!” You say getting into the kitchen,finding Shawn sitting there,elbows on the table and head rested on his hands,looking down. “Shawn?” I call got him confused.

“We need to talk Y/N.” He say with his raspy voice.

“Ok,did something happened? Is everything ok?”. You ask pushing the chair next to him and sitting down.

“I think we need to break up.” He said it. He said the words that you wish he didn’t.

“What? You THINK we need to break up? Where did you take this from Shawn?”

“We need to break up y/n, it’s not like we have been that perfect couple from last year.” You could feel your heart breaking down,piece by piece.

“No relationship is perfect Shawn. Last year we could see each other more often,you didn’t had a big tour going on. We are just passing throw a tough time,that’s all.”

“We will not have time to work this out y/n. I’m leaving tomorrow for a big tour. I can be by your side as you and I wish and I could. I won’t be available to help you anymore. We must end this now!”

“Shawn?” He looks at you,seeing your tears streaming down your face.“ Are you breaking up me because you need or because you want to?” You ask but you can see on his eyes that you’re not getting an answer. He get up from his chair,hold you face in his hands an place a kiss on your forehead,and then,he just leaves you there.

6 months later

“So,should we go to the party or not?” You ask Alex,sitting next to him at the couch.

“Only if you want to,I can tell the guys that I didn’t see the text.” He answer looking at you. Alex was the first guy you agree on going out with after Shawn.

“No way,I think we should go! I miss having a little fun at parties!” You agree and he smile at you.

“So let’s go have little fun at that party because it’s totally forbidden to be at college and not have fun at parties!” He say making you laugh as he get up from the couch. He takes your hand and help you get up,taking you to his car.

You arrive at the house and see that it’s full of people you know from classes.
“All good?” Alex ask you.
“Totally,let’s find something to drink!” You say,and he leads you into the house,taking you to the kitchen and picking beer for you both.
“Hey,you two! I thought you would come anymore!” Alex friend get closer.
“We are here now!” Alex answer and you guys talk for a while.
“Hey,here you are!” Sara,another Alex’s friend show up,you talk to her for a while,until she asks.“ Ok,let’s take a pic! Alex,Josh! Come closer,let’s take a pic!” Alex rest his hands at your hips,pushing you closer. You start feeling uncomfortable,but you smile at the pic. He’s hand stay there for at least more 10 minutes,and you have a weird feeling on your chest,like that hand wasn’t supposed to be there.
“Yeah man,me and y/n!” He said that to his friend,who asked if he was at his dorm.
“I’m going to use the toilet ok?” You said to Alex,who just nod at you.

You go out of the house,taking you phone out of the purse and asking for a taxi. On your way to your dorm,you keep trying to convince yourself that you’re not feeling this way because you still did not get over Shawn ,but deep down,you know it.

On the next morning,you had like 10 calls and hundreds of texts from Alex and few other friends. You just ignore all of them and went to the kitchen and start doing your breakfast. When you start drinking your coffee,your phone starts to ring,you look at the name on the screen and feel surprised. Aaliayh don’t call you since you and Shawn broke up,you met her once after all that happened. So you feel surprised that she’s calling to you right now. So you answer right on time.

“Hey Liayh,is everything okay? Did something happened?”

“Y/N?” Your heart stopped. You spends six months avoiding his voice. Hearing it now was also heartbreaking and warming.

“Shawn..I-Why are calling? And why your sister phone?” You let your breath out.

“You wouldn’t answer me if I called you from my phone. We need to talk!”

“I don’t think we have something to talk about Shawn. You let that very clear six months ago.”

“You don’t get it y/n. I’m in Toronto! Can I go see you?”

“Shawn..” You breath out again,trying to hold back the tears. “ You were the one who decided that we should break up,I don’t see why you’re calling me now,why you want to see me now!”

“Ok,pay attention on what I’m saying ok? I’m sorry okay? I’m so so sorry. I thought that you would be happier and better without me,with someone who would have time to spend with you. And I regret doing that from the minute I say it!! And yesterday,Liayh showed me the photo of you and some guy at this party. And all I could think about it was that I need you back to me,because I still love you little girl. I still can’t stop thinking about you love! Please,tell me do you feel the same!!” I could only feel my tears on my cheek,my mouth didn’t open.“Please y/n,please baby girl,tell me you feel the same way.”

“Yes.” I could feel he breathing relieved on the other side of the phone.

“Can I please go see you today?”

“Yes!”

“Thank you baby girl. I’ll be there in 10 okay?”

“Shawn?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t break my heart this time?”

“Never again,I promise! I Love you babe.”

“Love you too!” When he turn off the phone you feel your heart racing,anxious,but happy. He still loved you,and that’s all you needed for now.

James x Reader x Sirius

Request: could you do a James Potter x Reader x Sirius where Sirius likes reader but reader likes James and then reader and james start going out. Then Sirius starts making out with readers best friend so reader punches him in the face. everything gets resolved in the end!! thanks, i know it’s complicated. Love your blog btw <3

@potter-the-marauder i am so sorry this has taken so long to get up!!! my life has been a hectic mess lately and I’m trying to sort everything out. i have a group research paper and a group skit and a group presentation all in different classes. progress reports come out Wednesday and I’m also trying to get into Talented Visual Arts. I’ve also started seeing a physiologist weekly because of my OCD and i’ve been getting a ton of panic attacks lately. I promise I’m trying super hard to update as often as i can, but life’s been a little tough lately.

Also this is really fucking cheesy but i couldn’t help myself.

p.s. not my best writing, this has been a shitty week. lmk if u want me to change it up or whatever or re-write.

____________________________________________________________________

“Hey, sweetheart,” Sirius greeted you as you sat down next to him at the Gryffindor table.

“Hey Sirius,” you rolled your eyes at him.

“So,” he took a deep breath, “you wanna go with me to Hogsmeade this weekend?”

“Sirius,” you sighed, “you know I have feelings for someone else.”

As if on cue, James Potter sat down next to you, “You have what for someone else?”

You blushed and Sirius had a hard expression on his face, “Let me just do you both a favor; Y/n has feelings for you, James,” he stood up and walked out the Great Hall, leaving you with your face in your hands.

James chuckled awkwardly, “T-that was weird, right?”

You sighed, “Look, James. He’s r-right. I… do like you.”

You squeezed your eyes shut and prepared yourself for rejection when al of the sudden you felt warm lips on yours. You opened your eyes in surprise. James Potter was kissing you. James Potter was kissing you!! Wait, James Potter was kissing you?

You pulled back, “W-wait, I don’t understand. You don’t like me.”

“What?” James replied, shocked, “Y/n! Are you kidding me! I’ve had a crush on you since second year. I just… never thought you might…. I don’t know, feel the same.”

You blushed and smiled, “W-well, I do.”

_____________________________________________________________________

It had been about a week since you and James had officially started dating, an you couldn’t have been happier, but something was nipping at the back of your mind. 

Sirius.

He had done his very best to avoid you and James after you began dating. You knew he had liked you for a while and it hurt that your friend wouldn’t talk to you just because you didn’t feel the same. James, being an oblivious twat (in an endearing way), had obviously not noticed his friend’s discomfort. You didn’t want to bring it up, because- while you felt a little selfish -you didn’t want James to break up with you for the sake of Sirius’s hurt feelings. 

You made your way to the Quidditch Pitch, where you were meeting James so you could play a small unorganized game with some of the other Gryffindors, when out of the corner of your eye you saw Sirius with some girl pinned up against a tree, making out furiously. You scoffed in disgust, he was such a player, the poor lass might not even know how she’ll be used and thrown away when he gets bored. As you walked passed you noticed how familiar the girl’s hair looked, how familiar she looked in general. Then, it hit you.

“Y/f/n!?” You shrieked, suddenly enraged. 

Sirius and y/f/n broke apart, your friend looked ashamed while Sirius had a knowing smirk on his lips. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing???!!” You stomped over to Sirius, you had ever been so angry in your entire life.

“Look, love,” Sirius began, obviously enjoying your furry, “I was just-”

*SMACK*

Your fist collided with Sirius’s jaw in one swift move and a harsh pop.

“Bastard!” You shouted. 

Sirius was groaning and holding his jaw.

“Y/n!?” You heard your…. boyfriend.

You turned to face James with wide eyes. How would you explain this?

“What happened?” James looked shocked, confused, and concerned.

Sirius spat on the ground and looked at with an angry sneer as you attempted to stutter out an explanation, “’Guess your girlfriend got a little jealous when she saw her best friend all over lil’ ole’ me.”

“What?” James looked at you, hurt, and your heart broke.

“No, James, I s-swear it wasn’t- he was- I mean-”

“Save it,” James said calmly, but you heard the crack in his voice, “I guess were done.”

James walked off sadly in the direction of the Quidditch Pitch, broom dragging behind him, and you turned to Sirius. 

“You son of a bitch,” you almost laughed through your anger.

“Hey,” Sirius held up his hands in defense, “You’re the one who bloody punched me. Make up your mind, why don’t you.”

Sirius and y/f/n walked away and you sat down on the ground, head in your hands. You had majorly fucked up.

____________________________________________________________________

You saw the sharp looks James and Sirius had been shooting at each other, and heard about the fights they’d gotten in. You couldn’t help but feel entirely responsible (bc u were, u btich), after all, none of this wold have happened if you had just stayed friends with them. But, you couldn’t help the little flutter you got when Sirius winked at you, nor the explosive feeling in your heart when James entered the room.  

You had had some time to think, and you realized what you needed to do.

___________________________________________________________________

“Sirius,” you began, “We need to talk.”

He turned around and looked at you with an unreadable expression, “What is it?”

“Well, I,” you took a deep breath, “I know I got jealous when I saw you kissing y/f/n, and I know that I always get butterflies in my stomach when you wink at me, and I know that you have- or had- feelings for me,” you paused and he nodded, urging you to continue, “but,” he sighed, “but,” you continued, “I don’t love you. Not like that at least. And I think, I know, I love James.”

Sirius nodded once again and you laughed, “I mean, just the way he makes me feel, like my heart is going to implode and explode at the same time when he’d not even doing anything! When anything happens, at all, he’s the first person I want to tell. The way, the way all those cheesy couples in Muggle movies look at each other, I want him to look at me like that. And I know, I know I may be a hopeless cause, he may never even look my way again, but I just can’t stop my heart from beating for him. The thought of him, feels like music. And whenever I think about him, or see him, I get that feeling. And it’s just that feeling that is so surreal and it feels like everything is right in the world and you feel like the world is ending but at the same time like life has never been better,” you laughed at your ridiculous rambling and took a breath, “and you just want it to stop because you can’t handle it but you also want to bottle it up because it’s so bloody amazing. And I know, I am not falling in love with James Potter, I’m flying in love with him. My heart will never hit the ground. There will be no fall, no end. I just want to be with him.”

Sirius looked as though he was about to cry, “That’s what I want. What you feel for James Potter; that’s what I want.”

You looked at Sirius expectantly and he continued, “I don’t love you either, I guess,” he sounded like he had an epiphany, “I guess I just love the idea of love.”

“Is all that true?” You heard James’s voice from behind you. 

You and Sirius whipped around, both embarrassed about being overheard. 

“H-how much did you hear?” You stuttered out.

“Enough,” James began, “to know I’m fucking in love with you too.”

You stopped breathing for a moment and looked into his eyes, searching for a sign that he was joking, playing a prank. There was none.

You laughed and smiled, “I’m so sorry about everything that’s been happening the past few weeks I-”

James interrupted you by literally sweeping you off your feet and kissing you passionately. 

After a few moments you broke apart and smiled at each other.

“So,” Sirius chuckled, “I’m assuming we’re good?” he asked James.

“Yeah,” he smiled and tackled his best friend in a hug.”

“Sirius,” you got his attention, “James and I may be together, but stay away from y/f/n. Don’t ruin her.”

Rick Grimes Daughter (Daryl Dixon x Reader)

Originally posted by theultimatewalker

Warnings: None

You were awestruck when you met Daryl, sure everyone thought he was an asshole… but you couldn’t believe that. You started trying to find reasons to talk to him. When your mother wasn’t sneaking around with Shane you would spend time with Carl. You adore you little brother and you two are very close. Carl has a hint that you may have a thing for Daryl but he doesn’t tell mom. You managed to want to pick up how to hunt better. Carl mentions asking Daryl and that’s exactly what you did. That was where it all started, Daryl started teaching you small things and gradually you become a better hunter.  

Things were different once your father was back… you were so happy to see him. You hugged him tightly and mentally wanting to tell him that your mother was unfaithful. You and your mother started not seeing eye to eye. You had a problem with Lori and it was driving you crazy. That’s when the sneaking around with Daryl started. You would spend time with him in anyway you could. Whether it was to go hunting or just to walk around. Your father never really picked up on it and neither did Lori. You and Daryl kept it on the down-low while you are dating. Its when you are at the farm that you really didn’t feel like sleeping in the same tent as your brother. Carl just teases you a little.
   “You know i’ve got your back if you don’t want to stay in here with me.” Carl says soft.

   “What about Lori?” You question.

   “Can i ask you something (y/n)?” Carl asks.

   “You know you can buddy.” You smile.

   “Why do you call her Lori? Is it because of the whole Shane thing?”

   “I’m sorry Carl, i didn’t mean to make you upset.. Mom and i haven’t seen eye to eye ever since the apocalypse started.” You frown.
   
   “Is it because she left dad?” Carl asks again. You sigh and nod.
   “Mom and i got into it nasty when dad ended up in the hospital. You were at school, i told her we couldn’t just leave him at the hospital.. Shane was the one who made up mom’s mind and i just haven’t looked at her the same. I knew dad wasn’t dead..” You frown. Carl just stands up and hugs you tightly.

   “Go see him, i’ve got your back sis.” Carl smiles.
   
   “I love you Carl, get some sleep buddy.” you smile.

   “I love you too (y/n).” Carl smiles. You quietly sneak out of the tent and wander off to find Daryl’s. He was usually the farthest from the group. You grin and find his tent exactly where you figured it would be. Daryl is a few feet away with a small fire. You grin and sneak over to him and cover his eyes.

   “Guess who.” you whisper.
   
   “my beautiful badass?” Daryl whispers back causing you to giggle.

   “Hello love.” You grin sitting near him.

   “Couldn’t sleep?” He asks. You shake your head and he just smiles. He leans forward and steals a kiss. You snuggle into his side and he smiles.

   “What are you still doing up?” You question.

   “Just keeping an eye out.” Daryl responds.

   “You need sleep mister.” you tease nudging him.

   “Want to stay tonight?” Daryl mumbles soft.

   “Mm, well..”You pause smirking. “Carl says he’s got my back.”

   “Oh really?” Daryl smirks.

   “He’s all for me being happy, although he did say that he’d kick your ass if you ever hurt me.” You say.

   “Wouldn’t dream of hurting you beautiful.” Daryl says soft and kisses you. He puts out the small fire and unzips his tent. He lets you go in first and then crawls in himself. He zips it back up and finds you getting comfortable. Smiling he falls back onto his sleeping bag, you chuckle and he opens his arms. You scoot closer and snuggle into him, his arms wrap around you and he kisses your forehead. Instead of falling asleep though you and Daryl talk about all kinds of things. You tell him more about your previous plans before the whole apocalypse started. Daryl tells you things about himself you didn’t know. Before long you fall asleep on him and Daryl smiles as he strokes your arm softly. It doesn’t take long and he falls into a sleep himself.

************************************************************************************************

Morning comes and Rick decides to go talk to Daryl about some things. Carl however woke up too late to go get you. Carl panics a little, he promised he would have your back. He is out of the tent and going to find his father. However though Rick reaches Daryl’s tent. You are still sound asleep next to him. Daryl has been watching you sleep a little when he leans down to kiss your forehead softly. Your eyes flutter open and your smile widens. You lean up to kiss him on the lips softly and that’s when you hear a familiar voice. Your eyes fly open and you pull away from Daryl. You didn’t realize it was time for your father to be up already… you wanted to be out and down back by Carl… what would your father say? I mean you are 20, would he still give you a lecture? Daryl sees you pondering your thoughts and he decides to say fuck it.

   “Daryl, you awake?” Rick asks.

   “Yeah, uh give me a second.” Daryl says yawning.

   “Just meet me down by the fence.” Rick says and that’s when you hear Carl yelling for your dad. Your heart rate picking up, you hear your father call after Carl and that’s when Daryl opens his tent. He sticks his head out and waits for your father to disappear out of the distance. When he does Daryl helps you out of the tent.

   “That was far too fucking close.” You whisper.

   “Maybe you should tell him?” Daryl says soft.

   “Hmm. maybe i need to. I’ll catch you later handsome.” you wink. Daryl chuckles and watches you walk off. He watches as you interact with your brother who was now walking back over to her. He really was falling for you, the only problem or worry he has is how would your father react. Sighing Daryl walks off down towards the fence. Rick is standing there waiting on Daryl when he hears him walk over. Rick smiles a little and Daryl returns the smile. You and Carl make your way across the yard talking quietly to each other.

   “That was too close, I’m sorry.” Carl says soft.

   “No that’s not your fault Carl, i woke up late.” You sigh.

   “You slept much better.” Carl comments.

   “Yeah, Daryl normally makes the nightmares go away.” You respond. Carl hugs you tightly and you hug him back. “You know you are the best little brother a sister could ask for, you know that?”

   “You aren’t so bad for a big sister either.” Carl grins. You both head over to Glenn and Dale. They are talking about a few things and you sit down at the table. Glenn smiles and comes over.

   “Hey (y/n).” Glenn grins.

   “Hey Glenn, how are you?” You smile.

   “I’m good.” Glenn nods. You all pick up a conversation about other things. Carl eventually wanders off again and Glenn and Maggie go on a run for supplies. Little to your knowledge your mother is pregnant. You didn’t really pay much attention to things. You wander around the farm and eventually find your father. You hadn’t really had much of a chance to really talk to him. Your mother made damn sure of that and it was pissing you off.

“(y/n).” Rick smiles.
   
   “Hi dad.” You smile.

   “How are you?” He asks after he hugs you.

   “Um I’m okay.” You shrug.

   “Can i ask what’s going on with you and your mother?”

   “I’m not trying to start anything dad.” You sigh.
   
   “Hey, come on. We use to talk about everything.” Rick says soft.

   “I know dad, I’m sorry it’s just been a long year.” You sigh. “There’s something i need to talk to you about though.”

   “What’s up sweetheart?” Rick asks.

   “Dad, um.. look i don’t want you to flip out but while you were gone i got really close with Daryl.. and well i gained a crush on him.. he was the only person besides carl that i really had.. mom shut me out after our big fight.. so i turned to Daryl and look..” you start rambling. Rick stops you and smiles.

   “Kid, i know you and Daryl are dating.” Rick says soft. You gasp and he just laughs. “It’s not hard to tell, you really are happier and i know when you are getting more sleep.. Carl told me you are having nightmares, he’s just worried about you kiddo. I had a talk with Daryl earlier about this relationship. He really does seem like a great guy i can’t be angry with you, now will you tell me what the fight with your mother was about?”

   “When you ended up in the hospital i visited everyday.. Shane showed up when the apocalypse happened and told mom  we needed to go with him. And i flipped out, i told her we couldn’t leave you behind but the way Shane made it sound was that you died.. i didn’t believe it for a second. Mom and i got into a nasty fight and we haven’t had much to say to each other since. I’m the only one who looks after Carl when she wasn’t off with Shane. I’m sorry dad i know that’s a tough subject but I can’t look at her the same.” You sigh shaking your head.

   “It’s okay (y/n)..” Rick says soft pulling you into a hug. “Keep an eye out for your brother as always, and i’m proud of you. If Daryl makes you happy be with him. Just know if he breaks your heart i will kick his ass.” You laugh and pull back from your dad.

   “I love you daddy.” You smile soft.

   “I love you too kiddo.” Rick says and you both head back over to all the others. You don’t even care you walk over to Daryl and kiss him. A few gasps come from the group and a few hoot and holler. You pull back red and that’s when you notice the death glare from your mother. You roll your eyes and Glenn is over teasing you both. You laugh and Daryl wraps an arm around your waist. Carl even jumps in with some comments and you all sit down to eat. Its then that your mother wanders off with your father she tells him the news and Rick cries. Lori is pregnant.. the question is.. is it his? Rick walks back over and talks to you quick like and your jaw clenches. You wander off to talk with your mother and father. It starts an argument of sorts but Lori apologizes to you. You resist the urge to roll your eyes but then decide to accept it.

   “It will take time to fix what you all fucked up mom, but I might just be able to forgive you.” You sigh.

   “I’m sorry honey, i should have listened to you.. i love your father so much.” Lori says soft. You resist the urge to make a comment about Shane. After all she was willing to admit to her mistakes. You shrug and then head back to the others. Daryl looks at you questionably and you mouth that you’ll tell him later.

******************************************************************************************************

You and Daryl have been openly dating for quite some time and you were happy. Daryl watches out for you in all things. He made sure you were okay when the farm went down, you all got out except for a few people. You all met up again and make your way to find a new home… it would be a process to make this new home okay but along with your boyfriend and all the people you have come to consider family, you would all make it a strong home.

Forevermore- Daryl x Reader

(Request: Daryl x reader based on the song Forevermore from Beauty and The Beast)

Note: Guys omg i apologise for how bad this came out, im not even joking i am sooooooo sorry. I kinda had a shitty day and i found it really hard to think of something but i hope you can still enjoy it a little. Sorry!

Warning: fluff, the tiniest spec of angst
—————————————————————————————————-

Originally posted by we-love-flandus

You were just a dream that I once knew
I never thought I would be right for you
I just can’t compare you with anything in this world
You’re all I need to be with forevermore

Daryl twisted and turned in the bed. He’d had a rough day and the events of it were replying in his mind. He tried to clear them out, but the more he turned the hotter he got, which led to him getting frustrated. He let out an irritated growl which woke you from your sleep.

“Daryl?” you spoke with ease, not wanting to startle him.

“Sorry” he grumbled, throwing his legs off the bed.

“Where’re you going?”

“Getting’ a drink. It’s too damn hot in here”

He left the room in a hurry as to not worry you. You had always cared for him, and that’s what made Daryl feel close to you, it’s what made him love you. When you two first came across each other in Atlanta, you didn’t get along. Well, you got along with everyone but Daryl being Daryl, he pushed himself away. He hated how nice you were in this fucked up world, you were probably the only nice person left; that made you weak. Daryl wanted to protect you at all costs, hence why he started to open up a little more. It was hard for him at first, he thought you wouldn’t like him because he was always so rude and distant, but you were so sweet to him and you made him feel comfortable.

Daryl sighed as he thirstily gulped down the water. He then ran a hand over his face as he thought of you. You were always patient with him even when he was mad. He never thought he would end up with someone as nice as you, but he was thankful he did as you helped him with his anger outbursts. Daryl walked back up the stairs to find that you had opened the window just a crack to let some air in.

“I thought a lil’ breeze would help you” you smiled at him in bed.

“Thanks (y/n). I’m sorry for before, I just get agitated when I’m too hot” He replied, walking to his side of the bed and climbing in.

You smiled and slid a hand across his chest and up to his face. You smiled at him before slowly pressing your lips to his. The breeze felt cool on your skin as the wind picked up. Daryl’s hands roamed your back as things started to pick up between you. You loved Daryl so much, you couldn’t think of anyone else you would be happier with, and he felt the same.
                                                                                                      *****


All those years, I long to hold you in my arms
I’ve been dreaming of you
Every night, I’ve been watching all the stars that fall down
Wishing you will be mine
I just can’t believe that you are mine now

Daryl held your hand as he led you up something steep. He had your eyes covered with his hand so you couldn’t see a thing, he said it was a surprise. You held onto his arm and you kept one hand out in front of you for safety. After a few minutes of walking, Daryl stood you still and he removed his hand from your eyes. You gasped in admiration as you looked up at the sky. Stars were sprinkled across the black vastness of space, it looked like someone had painted a picture in the sky.

“Wow” you managed to whisper as you sat down and laid back on the ground. Daryl copied your actions and joined you, one arm behind his head as he looked up with you.

“This is where I come when everything gets too much. If we’ve had a tough run or if I’m just feeling shitty, this is my hiding spot.” Daryl said.

He thought back to all the times when he’d come up here just to get away from everything. He’d think of you most of time, wondering what it would be like to feel your body close to his, or how your lips would taste against his. He never expected you to be laying here next to him though, you must have been extremely special because he hadn’t told anyone about this spot. You looked over to Daryl before intertwining your fingers with his. You looked away just as he looked at you and you smiled. This was a sacred place for Daryl and you were happy he could share it with you.
—————————————————————————————————-

Tags: @teenagetragediesforeveryone @youandyourstupidrope @reedusteinrambles @fxckyofav @becky-twd

Based within the AU created by @smstransformers.

The gray sky’s reflection made the choppy water every more ominous, as was the lack of noise from other boats. The lone non-commercial craft bobbing about outside of the cove held no fishing lines in the water nor an anchor, and its single-man crew had no intent of fishing today.

No fishing. It was /hunting/ season.

The fog hanging around the cover deadened the metallic clack of the rifle being loaded. Once its owner was satisfied with it, he slung the strap over his shoulder, then balanced himself inside the boat as he checked several nets weighted nets laying at the ready, along with several coils of rope, one with a long hook meant for hauling up debris from the inlet’s bottom but could double as a weapon. If he got his prey into the boat, he intended to use the hook as an anchor to keep it from escaping.

Over the last several weeks, fourteen bodies of local fishermen had been found underneath the bridge overpass, spotted by the car passengers overhead when they looked down at the inlet cutting between the mainland and the spots of islands dotting the coast until they tapered out into the ocean. Fourteen good men had been dragged out of their boats, mauled, drowned, and then left in plain sight, a clear warning.

The young fisherman grimaced, then checked the tools he always carried with him in the pockets of his dark green, waterproof overalls.

It didn’t make much sense. Mer hated the murky, shallow waters of the inlet. Sure, they were teaming with fish, which was how he made his living, but it was the wrong /environment./ Mer liked clean, deep water. They wanted to be able to hunt. They wanted to be able to hide. Not something easy to do in a shallow inlet normally populated heavily by boats.

In the twenty-two years of his life, he’d never heard of a Mer coming this far inland unless it was sick or injured. And no injured creature methodically killed humans like that.

Maybe it had gone fucking berserk.

Satisfied that he had prepared as much as he could, Springer tugged on a thick camouflage jacket, sat down at one side of the boat, laid his rifle across his lap, and waited.

Everyone always said he was a big guy: tall, thick, and packed with muscles. He’d considered going into the military like the rest of his family, and had been training to do so, but…life happened. He was happier out on the water. Life was tough sometimes, but it would be tough no matter where he went. At least out here he had a chance at serenity and finding peace.

That fucking Mer was screwing it all up. It had chased off all his friends, probably scared all the fish, and now the Coast Guard was patrolling up and down the beaches looking for the bastard.

They wouldn’t find it. The Mer would see and /sense/ their boat coming from more than a mile away. They didn’t have what Springer had.

Patience. The patience of a fisherman, and a /hunter/, willing to sit in one spot and wait for his kill to come to him.

Fourteen good men were dead. Springer didn’t intend to be the fifteenth one.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hours passed, and the sun was trying to burn through the fog when he finally saw it.

A flash of gold in the water.

The red-and-white speedboat of the Coast Guard had passed by not even half an hour ago. The son of a bitch must have been hiding on the bottom and was now making a break for the ocean.

“Not today, asshole,” Springer hissed to himself as he stood up and braced his boots apart as he aimed his rifle.

It was coming out of the cover and heading for the wider inlet. There would be no way past without coming by his boat. The engine was cut and the boat as bobbing around freely in the grey water, so perhaps it thought that the little craft was abandoned. The golden streak showed no signs of stopping or attempting to dodge around him as it closed in, but nor was it charging directly at him.

Springer adjusted his stance, and trained the end of his rifle just forward of the streak, the front which was now paler with a torso that looked almost human, if it weren’t for the patches of gold along its arms and head.

The moment the bullet impacted the water, it would be greatly slowed. Any more than five feet, and the momentum would be slowed so tremendously that it would present anything more than a nuisance to the Mer. Thus…

Thus, he had to wait until it was almost directly under him.

Springer was patient. Even if his heart was beating a mile a minute.

The water suddenly got choppier as the Mer swirled forward. Years of experience at sea were what kept Springer’s aim straight on his mark instead of bouncing up and down with his boat.

At the last second, the Mer seemed to sense that something was wrong, and looked up towards the boat that it was passing. Springer saw a flash of green.

He fired.

The sound of the rifle was louder than the splash that its bullet made. But that was nothing compared to the pained /screech/ of the Mer.

Dark red fluid smoked behind it in the water as it flailed, losing control for a second, screaming and roaring and hissing as it dove down, instinctively diving away from a predator. In those precious few second when it was stunned Springer snatched up a weighted net, and prepared himself.

He’d taken one step backwards when the Mer returned.

Something slammed into the hull, jarring it as badly as if he’d struck another ship at full-speed. The boat rocked, nearly capsizing, and Springer let his rifle fall to the bottom of the boat as he instead grabbed the rail and hung on. The boat rocked back in the other direction, towards the impact as it corrected itself. Springer shifted his weight, ready, and gritted his teeth, one hand clinging to the rail, the other holding the net, ready to throw it.

The water exploded in front of him.

By pure luck, his thick jacket saved him from the Mer’s claws. It swiped at his chest, intention lethal, but instead it tore open the fabric and got nothing but a clawful of cotton. The hit was still enough to send Springer tumbling back, but as he fell, he threw the net at where he thought that the Mer would splash back down into the water.

Just before it went in, he saw the ropes of the net clap over its face, and its unearthly green eyes went wide.

The boat was still rocking and rolling, though not as badly now. The rope that the net was attached to was swiftly being dragged over the side as the Mer plummeted downwards. Springer saw it, then swore and snatched it, bracing himself as he held on.

As he tied the rope to the end of the boat, he could feel the intense writhing and wriggling of the trapped Mer. Dammit, if that thing got its tail loose, it might drag the entire boat back through the inlet and out to sea with it.

He grimaced, then started to reel the rope in, tying it off after each section. Realizing what was happening, the Mer struggled even harder, flopping around and trying to writhe out of the net, but it couldn’t break free.

When Springer at last saw the top of the net again, and black hair and green eyes as the Mer snarled and splashed around, he double-knotted the rope, then snatched up the hook from where it had slipped behind some of his gear.

He could stop this thing from killing anyone else. Springer told himself that it was probably a manic, a nuisance to its kind as well as humans. It would be better for /everyone/ once it was dead.

He had come here to kill a Mer. And now that he had it trapped, it would be easy.

…So…damn…easy…

The Mer saw him coming. He swore that it’s /gasp/ was human.

It stopped struggling, and instead burrowed itself down as far as it could go into the net, as far as it could to get away from him, which wasn’t far. It knew just as well as Springer did that it didn’t have anywhere to dodge.

It made a noise.

It wasn’t a hiss. It wasn’t a growl.

It was a /cry./

It…

This damn thing was /scared/ of him.

Springer paused, one hand on the rope to drag the Mer a few inches closer to him, the other holding up the hook.

Of course it was scared. He was going to kill it. It had killed fourteen innocent fishermen and now he was getting revenge, and keeping the rest of the world safe from its reign of terror.

It was /sick./

It…was hurt.

And not just because its arm was oozing blood from where the bullet had passed through its bicep. Its golden scales were dull, a few of them grey, and it was too skinny. Mers were thinner than humans, but thing was /way/ too skinny for an inlet with so many fish living in it.

It was sick.

It was injured.

It was /scared./

Killing it would be so /easy./

…It wasn’t right. This wasn’t right.

The Mer’s green eyes were round and teary. Yet…behind it was still a fire. The Mer was /daring/ him to kill it, even as it feared death.

If this was a human…he wouldn’t have killed it. He would have declared it trapped and brought it to the police.

This thing was /sentient./ It was a murderer, but it was injured and scared and something about this was wrong, just /wrong./

He had no idea how long his blue eyes kept staring at the Mer’s green ones. Long enough for the boat to stop shaking.

Long enough that when the Coast Guard horn sounded, both of them startled, the Mer attempting to dive again before remembering that it was caught and hissing a growl.

“Shit!”

Springer dropped the hook. The Coast Guard must have heard the sounds of the fight and were on their way. If he didn’t kill it, /they/ would. Maybe it would be in a more humane way than with a debris-hook, but a Mer wasn’t going to get to tell its side of the story before they killed it and shipped its body off somewhere to be studied.

This was /wrong./

Despite the anger and rage that had brought him out here this morning, Springer took one more look at the frightened Mer, and something deep inside him, the same something that had compelled him to leave his plans for the military behind and instead settle down to the quiet life of a fisherman, that same /something/ compelled him.

He grabbed the rope, and hauled the net completely aboard. The Mer fell with a thud onto the floor of the boat, yowling as it impacted its arm and curled around itself the best that it could.

One of the boxes nearby was yanked open. “You want to live?”

It lifted its head up, the wet net weighing it down as it assessed him.

A blue, plastic tarp, meant for wrapping up big ocean catches, fluttered out as Springer unraveled it.

“Stay quiet, stay still, and don’t draw any attention to us. I’m not going to kill you, but /they/ will.” He pointed a finger urgently at where the horn had sounded, and where the red-and-white ship was coming back. “/They will kill you./ You get me?”

He had no idea if the Mer did. But it understood well enough that he was trying to hide it.

He drapped the tarp over the net, and though the creature hissed, it didn’t move. Knowing that the underside of the tarp would get hot quickly, Springer hurried to ready his own craft, then started the engine and took off, sailing back into the cove as quickly as he could.

He swore that the thing was now /wailing./

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Springer awoke to his window being smashed. He startled, throwing off the thick covers from his hammock as he automatically reached for a certain drawer, before flinching as the rest of the glass was knocked away by a second rock.

…A rock?

He paused.

The rhythmic bombardment on his little house continued. Bam, bam, clunk, bang, bam. The sound changed depending on the size of the rock or what exactly was being thrown. A few hit their mark and came flying in through the now-open window, followed by a hissing chatter from the docks outside.

Springer sighed.

Right.

Fucking thing better not be doing that with its bad arm.

“Would you /stop?!/” he roared.

The Mer yelled back at him. Or shrieked. Howled. Whatever.

He heard a splash, and the the metallic creak of the dock, followed by another round of angry chittering from the Mer. Springer had managed to get one end of a thick chain looped around the Mer’s thin waist and padlocked, and the other end tied to the structure of the dock just outside of the shack that he called his home. It was even shallower than the inlet, hot and with little cover other than directly under the dock.

The Mer was NOT happy with its new arrangements.

But it was alive.

When they’d first docked, the Mer had been too exhausted to fight as he tended to its arm, patching it up and wrapping the wound up tightly with gauze. The creature seemed to understand that he was assisting it, and only growled and hissed as he worked, but when he’d come at it with the chain it had attempted to leap out of the boat in a last desperate bid for freedom, despite still being trapped by the net.

The claw marks running along Springer’s arm were evidence of its displeasure. To say the least the side of his house closest to the dock, now littered with whatever the Mer could find within the range of its /leash/.

…But it was alive.

What the heck did a Mer eat, anyway?! And what was he supposed to do about it being sick?!

Sighing again, Springer headed to his icebox for what he’d been able to catch and store, and tried to block out the mournful sounds coming from the Mer as it gave up assaulting his house and now splashed around as close to the exit of the cove as it could swim.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Springer had thought that Mers would dry out on land. And maybe if they were up too long, they would.

His Mer seemed to love to pull himself onto the dock and sunbathe.

…When did it becomes /his/ Mer?! It was a wild animal. And when did it become a /he/ and not an /it?!/

Springer had no idea how long he was going to keep him. /IT./ He had no idea how long he was going to keep /it./ Maybe until it wasn’t sick anymore. It /should/ be eating more than it was, though it refused to.

The boarded-up window had a fish lobbed at it every so often.

But every so often, especially during the mornings or evenings, he’d peek out between the boards, and there would be the Mer, sunning itself on the dock, it’s golden scales sparkling. It never seemed /relaxed/, though. Rather, it had just stopped a moment to try to get a moment of peace, and…lick its arms?

It licked its arms like a cat, cleaning the fins. It wasn’t flexible enough to get its tail, though, and instead hissed and grumbled as it picked at its scales, flicking off debris and rubbing away the algae that grew in the shallow cove.

Whenever Springer came out it would throw itself back into the water, and if he didn’t lift the lid of the trash can fast enough it would bean him in the head with a rock.

It wasn’t as violent anymore. But it was depressed.

It was crying often. It wailed, swimming in circles around the post it had been chained to over and over again, most often lingering as far as it could swim to the cove’s exit, and then back again. It only did it when it thought that it was alone. When Springer came out, or returned from fishing, it went silent.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

He’d had for almost two weeks before he finally made some progress.

Springer was just finishing up lunch and brushing the crumbs off the front of his shirt when he heard chittering from outside. He paused, wondering if he was going to be lured out into an ambush of mud-slinging.

No. His Mer was definitely calling him.

/THE/ Mer was calling him. Not his. It didn’t belong to him.

He’d imprisoned it, it wasn’t a pet.

The screen door clapped behind him as he stepped outside. The Mer was perched on the edge of the dock, tail swirling in the water underneath it, and it scowled at him as it pointed to the gauze rolled around it’s arm.

…It wanted it off? Or changed.

…Huh.

A moment later he returned with his first-aid kit in his hand. The Mer narrowed its bright green eyes at him, but allowed him to approach and then kneel down next to it.

“Okay. Let me see your arm.”

The Mer stared.

“…Your /arm/, dummy. Let me see it.”

No response.

Springer rolled his eyes. Of course. The stupid thing didn’t speak English.

He pointed to his own arm, then at the Mer’s. “Arm.” He then gestured for it. “Give.”

Now the Mer got it. Reluctantly it extended its arm at him, hissing slightly in pain as it did so. As gently as he could Springer took it, careful of the frills lining its edge, and unwound the gauze.

Amazingly, its skin was healing much like a human’s would. There were…things that weren’t quite the same. But the muscle was there, the blood was there. Springer inspected it for signs of an infection, especially considering that the Mer was forced to swim in algae-infested water, but not finding anything he nodded in satisfaction and re-dressed it.

“A couple more changes and it’ll have sealed up. Bet it still hurts you though, huh?”

No response.

“I don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with you. Attacking people, killing people, that’s not something you do unless you Mers are really pissed off. And there’s no other Mers hurting anyone else, so it’s /your/ problem, not the ocean’s.”

Nothing.

“Aught to drive to the aquarium in town tomorrow and see if they know anything about sick Mers attacking people, and what to do about them. You know, besides killing them.”

The Mer shrunk back.

“Now easy, easy,” Springer cooed as he raised his hand towards him passively. “I’m not going to kill you. Not unless you try to kill me again. I–”

He froze.

“…You understood me.”

The Mer blinked.

“You fucker, you understood me. How much do you know?!”

No response.

Springer scowled. “C’mon, asshole, you understood at least one word of that. Which one was it? Aquarium? Attack? People?” He thought for a second. “…Kill?”

This time it reacted again. It /growled./

“Hold up, I ain’t gonna kill you.” Springer pointed to himself and shook his head. “No kill. No kill.”

The Mer considered that, and stopped growling. Bright green eyes assessed him.

By God. It didn’t speak much English, but it understood /that./

…What else did it know? Probably not much. Probably only the words that it kept hearing from him, the words it knew that it needed to know to survive. How many times had he stood on the dock while the Mer fought against its chain and screamed at it that if it escaped that the Coast Guard would ‘kill’ it?!

“…You want a fish?”

It blinked.

“Fish.” Springer mimicked eating. “Fish.”

The Mer snorted.

Then flicked water at him from his tail.

“Fine. No fish.”

Fucking stupid thing.

Springer got up, and started to head back to the house. A warbly voice from behind him stopped him.

“…Fiiiiish.”

What?

He turned back.

The Mer was staring at him. Its hand was extended in the same way that Springer had asked for his arm.

Springer stood bug-eyed at the Mer for only a moment before concentrating on taking cool, confident steps into the house and not make it seem like that he was rushing.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

They weren’t exactly friends. Springer knew that the Mer would kill him if given the chance, but it was smart enough to know that it if drowned him now it would never have the chance to free itself from the chain and would starve in the cove. Fish came by, but not often enough to feed it, and Springer had to go out into the inlet or the ocean to fish for the Mer often.

He noticed that other boats were starting to come back now that the “Killer Mer” had vanished for several weeks. He was shocked with himself for disliking that. When the commercial boats had been driven off, the inlet had been /peaceful./ Individual fishermen like himself he didn’t mind too much; they were just feeding themselves and not much more. It was the commercial boats, the ones that came by with huge nets and interrupted the entire ecosystem by hauling away whatever they caught that bothered him.

An idea started to blossom in his mind as he headed back for the cove, but he shushed it. It was ridiculous. It couldn’t be done.

It refused to leave him.

When he docked the boat outside his shaft, the Mer met him at the other edge, scowling at him from where it was sunbathing. It didn’t run from him anymore, and he wasn’t sure if it was because it trusted him not to touch him when he didn’t like it (the last time he did he’d ended up in the water), or if it was just being impudent.

“Fish?” it demanded.

Springer put down a rattling cooler next to it. The Mer liked its dinner to be caught fresh and still alive. Sometimes it dumped the fish into the water and chased after them. The first time that Springer saw it sink its teeth into a wiggling fish he thought that he was going to throw up.

“You know, when we humans get something we want, we usually say “thank you” afterwards. It’s polite.”

The Mer ignored him as it opened the lid and inspected tonight’s dinner.

Springer sighed through his nose.

“It’s also polite to tell me your name. You already know that mine’s Springer.”

Green eyes flicked up to him, then went back to the inside of the cooler.

“Whatever.”

God. Of the Mer’s limited vocabulary, THAT had to be his favorite word. Springer didn’t suppress a groan as he marched past him, carrying a bigger cooler with his own fish inside of it.

“At some point you’re going to have to tell me your name. Unless you want to be ‘The Mer’ forever.”

The chain rattled, prompting Springer to halt and look back.

The Mer was fingering the chain padlocked around his thin waist.

“Remove. Then name.”

Remove the chain. And then he would tell him his name.

If he removed the chain, the Mer would have no reason to not kill him. He couldn’t do that.

Springer shook his head. “No. The chain stays on.”

The Mer hissed, his frills ruffling up in a manner that looked like when a cat puffed out its fur dangerously. It was almost hilarious, if it hadn’t been directed at him.

“/Remove./”

“You know you’re pretty demanding for a guy who’s chained to a dock for, oh, maybe /the rest of his life?/” Springer snapped back. “The chain stays on.”

The Mer flinched.

Then lowered his head.

Then whined, long and low.

“….”

Then shoved the cooler into the water, but did not chase after it.

“No fish.”

“The fuck?!” Springer set his own down as he ran to the edge of the dock. “The fuck do you mean /no fish?!/ You know how long it took for me to catch all that?!”

The Mer shook its head. “No fish.”

It wasn’t growling anymore.

It was sad.

Depressed. /Again./

…This wasn’t going anywhere. This wasn’t any more humane than if he’d killed the Mer when he’d caught it weeks ago.

It was living its life in /hell./ Trapped in shallow water. Constantly washing off algae. Chained up like an animal.

Because it /was/ an animal. It wasn’t a person. It wasn’t human.

…But it was /sentient./

That’s why he’d let it live, hadn’t he? In the hopes that it would be /convinced/ to stop killing. It would be a happy ending for everyone, including the Mer.

This wasn’t humane.

But if he unchained it, it would kill him. And then maybe go back to killing other fisherman.

He couldn’t let that happen. As heavy as his heart was as he looked everything about the Mer seemed to droop.

“Why did you kill those people?” Springer asked for not the first time since the Mer had begun to understand some English. “Why did you /kill/ them?”

The Mer didn’t answer.

…He was sick.

His Mer was sick, and Springer needed help.

He HAD to go to the aquarium. Maybe if he worded it just right, nobody would get suspicious and come snooping around his shack. He could get in some serious trouble for keeping a Mer as an illegal pet.

“…Sunstreaker.”

“What?”

“Sunstreaker,” the Mer repeated, then pointed to himself with one finger. “Name. Sunstreaker.”

Sunstreaker.

How…appropriate for a golden Mer who liked to sunbathe.

But Sunstreaker wasn’t done. He held up the chain, then offered it to Springer in the signal they’d used to clearly define when one of them wanted to draw the other’s attention to something.

“Remove?” he pleaded. “Name. Remove?”

Springer’s stomach twisted.

He’d given his name. But he’d couldn’t–

“No.”

The chain was shaken once. “Remove!”

He took a step back and shook his head again. “No. No, that deal doesn’t work backwards. I didn’t agree–”

“REMOVE!!”

Saddened blue eyes met pained green ones.

“…No.”

Sunstreaker howled in anger. He threw himself off the dock into the water, and his tail flapped once, drenching Springer as the Mer retreated to hide under the dock, his only sanctuary within the limits of the chain.

…His Mer wasn’t sick.

But he still needed to get to the aquarium.

The deal that his brain had conjured up still tickled at his mind. But how could he get Sunstreaker to agree to it without the Mer killing him the moment that he was freed?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Springer’s hammock creaked as it gently swayed back and forth, his bare foot shoving against the wall every so often as he tried to rock himself to sleep. It wasn’t working.

He huffed through his nose and crossed his arms behind his head as he stared up at the battered ceiling of his shack.

The deal that he might strike with Sunstreaker had swirled around his head so much that he’d finally gotten it down to where it sounded /plausible/, but when it did he was struck by the look on Sunstreaker’s face as he screamed in despair before flinging himself into the water.

Sunstreaker thought that he had no hope for the future other than to be chained to a dock in an algae-filled cove for the rest of his life. He thought that because Springer had /told/ him that.

What kind of monster was he?

That creature, /that/ monster, that one had killed fourteen innocent fisherman. He should still be enraged about that. He tried to draw upon that justified fury once more but…he couldn’t.

Had it been too long? Did he not care about his fellow fisherman anymore?! Did he not care about the /cove/ anymore?!

…No. He did care.

And Sunstreaker was now a part of it.

That meant that he had to take care of him. While he was chained to the dock and trapped, it was up to Springer to care for him. And he’d been treating him like /crap./

He was the monster. Not Sunstreaker.

He still didn’t know why Sunstreaker had killed those people. The idea that Sunstreaker might have been some enraged, dumb animal was long since gone. Sunstreaker was /intelligent./ He knew what he was doing. He’d been setting up a warning to the other humans. But why?

What could make a Mer so enraged that they’d purposely drag people out of their boats and kill them?

Springer didn’t know. He feared letting Sunstreaker go as long as he didn’t go.

His original deal felt slimey. He didn’t want to touch it anymore. Sunstreaker would never hear it.

…A new idea formed in his mind though.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Sunstreaker?”

There was no answer from under the docks, but Springer knew that he was there. Where else would he go?

Sunstreaker’s furthest reach was easy to spot; the shore around the dock was bare in a perfect circle when he’d yanked up all the plants to throw at the shack the first week. Springer made sure that he was standing behind that line when he reached into his pocket and let something fall to rattle on top of the dock.

Instantly there was a burst of water from under the docks. A pair of green eyes peered up from the surface of the water, suspicious, but locked onto the key resting beside Springer’s bare feet.

Both of them knew that Sunstreaker couldn’t reach it. It wasn’t worth the humiliation to try, and the Mer stayed mostly submerged, glaring up at the human as he spoke to him.

“I have one question for you. If I like your answer, if I think you’re telling the truth, I’ll let you go on one condition. Okay?”

There was a surprised trill that echoed around the cove.

The water splashed lightly as Sunstreaker lifted his face up a little more so that his mouth cleared the surface, his voice now carrying a hopeful note that Springer had yet to hear until now.

“Condition?”

“You don’t kill any more innocent humans. No more killing. No kill.”

Sunstreaker /growled./

“Kill.”

“/No kill,/” Springer repeated firmly. “At least not anyone who hasn’t attacked you first. If they fuck with you, go all out on them for all I care. But no more killing fisherman like me.” He pointed to his boat. “Okay?”

No answer.

“…Okay?!”

Still nothing.

…A waste of time.

Springer pursed his lips, and went to pick up the key, but Sunstreaker’s voice stopped him.

“Ok-ay.”

The pronunciation wasn’t quite right. Sunstreaker was still getting it. But that wasn’t a very big deal to Springer, so much as the agreement that Sunstreaker would no longer kill once he was freed.

Supposedly. He had no idea how well a Mer would honor his word.

“Question?” There was that hopeful note again. With the key in sight, Sunstreaker would do anything to be freed.

Springer was confident that he would be as honest as he could, if dishonesty failed and meant that he would not get another bid for freedom again.

“I’ve asked you this question so many times before.” He took a breath. “Why did you kill those other fishermen?”

“…”

…No answer.

No. Wait.

Sunstreaker /was/ contemplating an answer. His forehead wrinkled, his frills puffed, and he floated a moment, trying to put into words his reasoning for needing to be hunted in the first place.

After a long, long time, he spoke, and his voice was quiet.

“Sideswipe. They kill Sideswipe, I kill them.”

…Sideswipe?

“Who’s Sideswipe?” Springer asked. “Another Mer?”

Sunstreaker nodded, the water lapping around his chin. He then prodded one of his frills, showing to Springer. As he did, it changed to a bright-red color, even though there was nothing red nearby for it to camouflage within.

“Sideswipe.”

Springer frowned. His own frill. Now red. What did that mean–?

His mate?

His /family?!/

“He’s like you?”

Sunstreaker nodded. His green eyes had narrowed into slits, but not because he was angry.

…No. No, he WAS angry. But moreso, he was in /pain./

It struck Springer like lightening.

Someone had taken his fellow Mer from the sea.

Sunstreaker’s quest was one of rescue, and when he couldn’t do that, /revenge./ He was killing humans in /frustration/, because it had been humans who had taken the other Mer.

Sunstreaker was in pain.

He was as out for revenge as much as Springer had been that day. He wanted his friend’s life paid with another’s, just as Springer had wanted.

/Sunstreaker was in pain./

He’d kept him here, chained, unable to find his missing friend. He’d been crying and wailing and trying to escape the cover because he wanted to continue the search, not just because he wanted to be free.

God, he really was a monster.

“Sunstreaker. Is Sideswipe…Did they /kill/ Sideswipe?”

Sunstreaker’s gills rippled.

“…Yes. No.”

“Yes and no?”

He nodded.

…He didn’t know. Sideswipe might still be alive, but he was /gone./ He wasn’t in the ocean anymore.

If those were poachers, Sideswipe could be in a tank hundreds of miles away by now. Sunstreaker would never find him.

Sunstreaker was in so much pain. And Springer hadn’t helped.

He blurted it out without thinking. “I didn’t help you at all. I need to help make this right.”

Green eyes flicked back to him, a new light behind them.

…Was he crazy?! He couldn’t–

He would.

Because he had to make things right.

Because he took care of things in this cove, Sunstreaker had been in this cove looking for his fellow Mer, and he’d /wronged/ him.

“…I want to help you find Sideswipe. He might not be in the ocean anymore, anywhere you can swim to. I can’t promise you that I’ll find him. But I want to try.”

Sunstreaker stared.

He didn’t believe him. He had no reason to believe him.

Springer had kept him chained in disgusting conditions for weeks. He had every right to snarl and splash him and hide under the dock again.

But he didn’t.

…But not because he trusted him.

“Remove?”

The chain rattled once against the dock.

“…Yeah. Yeah, of course. You want to continue looking, don’t you?”

Springer picked up the key, walked forward, and knelt down at the side of the dock closest to Sunstreaker. The Mer glided forward, then reached up and lifted himself up on his elbows, presenting the padlock covering one hip. Or…where a hip would be, had he been human.

God, he /acted/ so human.

“No killing,” Springer reminded him one more time, wary.

“No killing,” Sunstreaker dutifully repeated.

He didn’t believe him. But he had no choice but to do so.

The key turned in the lock. The padlock disengaged and was pulled off, and the chain slid off of Sunstreaker and down his tail, forgotten.

The Mer…hadn’t moved.

He kept staring at Springer, his eyes suspicious, but no longer with a dire threat behind them. Springer didn’t know how to take this, and stared back.

He was reminded of when they first met, Sunstreaker caught in his net, staring fearfully back at him as the heavy weight of the ropes prevented him from swimming away. But now that fear was gone. Mostly. It still lingered, but instead of trying to swim away Sunstreaker was coming gradually closer, a hand raising towards his face slowly.

Springer leaned his head down and let the surprisingly soft fingers stroke his cheek.

And then he gasped as the other hand grabbed his shirt and dragged him under the water.

FUCK!!

/FUCK!!!/

He was surrounded by a cascade of bubbles which he quickly realized had come from him and the speed of him being dragged under. Clawed hands clamped around his upper arms, holding him still, and more bubbles flew out of Springers mouth as he cried out and tried to kick the Mer, but Sunstreaker was agile and flexible and barely had to move to pull his stomach and tail back to avoid him.

Fuck DAMMIT!!

He was going to drown him. After all that…Sunstreaker was going to drown him.

Springer shook his head back and forth and screamed, the sound lost along with precious air, but did it really matter? He’d be dead in a few more seconds.

He just hoped that Sunstreaker would make it quick.

God, all those other fisherman were going to be in danger. Sunstreaker was out for blood, and he wouldn’t stop with Springer. He’d next strike–

But he wasn’t /hurting/ him.

Springer was held tight, but he wasn’t hurt.

He blinked his eyes several times, adjusting to being underwater, and was immediately found by a striking pair of green ones. Sunstreaker was studying him again, now at his leisure, as if more confident that he could now that Springer was trapped underwater and about to drown. He ignored Springer whining and continuing to struggle as one hand let go and petted through his hair, fascinated by it.

They must have been near the bottom. Kelp was snagging around Springer’s waist.

He was going to run out of air. He was going to die like this, being /toyed/ with by a Mer.

But then Sunstreaker tilted his head to the side. His gills suddenly puffed, and he leaned in and pressed his mouth against Springer’s.

Springer froze up, shocked.

He…

He was being /kissed?!/

…Maybe. It was more like their mouths were being locked over one another. And Sunstreaker was blowing air, sweet, beautiful /oxygen/ into his lungs.

Had he filtered that directly from the water?!

Springer had completely stopped moving, his eyes wide. Sunstreaker, though, had not. His hands let go, confident now that his prisoner wouldn’t try to swim away when he was the one providing him with fresh oxygen underwater, and his hands went on the move, rubbing through his hair, his head, along his neck and down his shoulders. What he thought was /kelp/ turned out to be Sunstreaker’s tail wrapping around him, both embracing him and preventing him from moving.

It…

It was not bad.

This was actually kind of nice.

Springer didn’t remember his eyes closing. But they did.

He exhaled through his nose, bubbles zipping out and up to the surface. When he was through, more air was pushing into his mouth by Sunstreaker.

This was /weird./ Yet so nice.

He couldn’t believe that he was /enjoying/ himself.

Then, just as quickly, it was over. Sunstreaker pulled away, and Springer shut his mouth as the Mer stroked the back of his fingers along his cheek one more time before releasing him.

Springer floated up to the surface. When he broke it, he gasped, suddenly thankful for full lungs and the fresh night air.
d
When he turned his head, he just managed to catch a flash of gold zipping out of the cove.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The little vessel glided along the surface of the water as it left the inlet and headed out to open sea. Normally Springer stayed within the shallower waters of the inlet, preferring to catch the larger fish of the ocean in a bigger ship to hold them, but with the return of the regular and commercial fisherman he couldn’t risk Sunstreaker being spotted and then hunted once again. When he’d voiced this concern to Sunstreaker the last time that they’d met, the Mer had guided him out to a small island some ways off the coast, too small to present anything more than an obstacle for most boats, but what was a decent landmark for the both of them for a meeting place.

Once there, he cut the engine, and waited. The boat was too small to hold an anchor for water this deep, so he let it bob around at the mercy of the currents, the small door from the ocean to the deck opened invitingly, as if Springer had come out with someone who was diving.

He was a fisherman. He knew how to be patient.

That didn’t stop the thrill of excitement when he heard a splash, and then the front half of what looked like a /human/ pulled himself up through the door and perched himself on the edge of the deck. A long, golden tail draped down the ladder and splashed lightly in the water.

“Sideswipe?” Sunstreaker immediately demanded.

Springer shook his head. “I’m trying. Haven’t found any Mers picked up recently that fit his description.”

The Mer made a noise somewhere between a hiss and a gurgle, which Springer recognized as frustration. His gills flared once and then settled back down, and his tail seemed to droop even lower in the water.

Springer leaned forward in his seat. “Hey. I’m nowhere near done searching. I’ll find him. You’ll see.”

“Then go. Find.” Sunstreaker lifted his head and his arm as he pointed back in the direction of the shoreline. “Go. Sideswipe.”

“I’ve…kind of used up all of my car’s gas money for the week.”

Sunstreaker blinked.

“…I can’t travel any more. Not until Friday. Uh…two more days.”

“Days?”

“Sun goes up, sun goes down.” Springer mimicked this with his hand, raising his palm high towards the sun in the sky, then letting it drop down past the horizon. “Day.”

“…Two days.” Sunstreaker pursed his lips, as if considering if Springer was swearing a promise that he would continue the search in two days, or just making an excuse. “Two days. Then find Sideswipe.”

“Yeah. I will. And in the meantime, I’m going to make sure that he has his Mer-friend to come back to.”

“…Mer-friend?”

“Or whatever you two are.” He shrugged. “Family. Your mate, I dunno. Anyway, you’re getting skinny again. You’re doing more searching than hunting, aren’t you?”

The Mer already had a skinny waist as most of his kind did, but now it was extra-skinny, and some of the muscle was vanishing. Sunstreaker just made a face.

“Sideswipe.” He said it firmly, as if that were explaination enough.

Springer got it.

“I know that you’re upset about him, but you need to take care of yourself too. And if there’s nothing we can do right now, then you need to save your strength for when you /can/ find him. You need rest, and you need food.”

“I do hunt.”

“But not enough. I fattened you up while you were–while you were with me.” Springer danced around the reminder that Sunstreaker had been chained to his dock. “Now you’re getting rid of all that. Good thing for you, I have a hold for live fish.”

He held up a finger, telling him to wait, then lifted up a trap door at the bottom of the floor, to the sounds of fish flopping around in the shallow tank.

“See?”

Sunstreaker’s green eyes looked like they were going to bug out of his head.

“You hunt?!”

“For you. I /did/ pay attention to which fish you liked best.” Springer winked at him. “And if you’re not going to hunt enough, guess I’ll have to do that for you.”

Sunstreaker paused, stunned. He made a short, soft trilling noise as he looked over the offering of fresh fish in the tank.

“…You…good hunter.”

“Thank you.”

“Whatever.”

Springer raised both of his eyebrows up, affronted, but Sunstreaker ignored him as he reached into the tank and snatched up one of the fish to eat. It then occurred to him that Sunstreaker didn’t know and wasn’t much interested in human formalities, and he might not have meant it to be as mean as it sounded. ‘Whatever’, to him, was defined as the end of the conversation.

Or, knowing the Mer he was talking to, he /did/ understand what he was saying, and simply didn’t care what it sounded like.

It also occurred to him that he was /speaking to a Mer./ Two months ago he wouldn’t have believed it if someone told him that he was going to be talking casually to a Mer perched on the side of his boat, helping himself to his catch as easily as if eating potato chips from a bag.

Was this going to become his new normal?!

…Maybe. Maybe until Sideswipe was found.

God, he prayed that the other Mer was still alive somewhere. If he wasn’t…

Sunstreaker had been barely feeding himself now. If he found out that Sideswipe had died, he might stop taking care of himself completely and die of a broken heart.

So he would have to find Sideswipe.

…In two days.

For now, he dug around for his other gift for Sunstreaker. The Mer turned, curious as Springer pulled out a mat from one of the boxes and unrolled it, the edge unfurling close to Sunstreaker.

“What is that?”

“A yoga mat. I saw how much you like to sunbathe,” he explained, “and I thought that since you’re relaxing here, maybe you’d like something soft to lay on.”

Sunstreaker’s eyebrows narrowed, and he made a churring noise from deep inside his throat.

Suspicious.

“I promise that I’m not trying to trap you.” Springer raised his hands in a universal sign of surrender. Or…universal to humans. He wasn’t sure if Sunstreaker understood it. “Just thought that it would make you more comfortable. The metal floor gets too hot under the sun sometimes.”

Sunstreaker considered the mat, then him. Then pulled himself further out of the water, his fin coming with him, and scooted himself along until the back of his tail was resting on the soft but firm material of the yoga mat. He chirred, then made a twittering noise as he shifted himself around on it.

“Sand is better. But this is /warm./”

Springer shrugged. “Sometimes when I don’t have a lot to do and the fish aren’t biting, I roll it out and lay on it. Friend of mine once tried to get me into yoga, and I tried it on my boat, and nearly fell out. It’s just a really nice mat now. But when it gets cold, I pull out a blanket instead.”

Sunstreaker was still shuffling around on top of it. “Sleep?”

“…Not really. I can nap, but I like the hammock back in my shack better.”

Of course Sunstreaker wouldn’t understand the word ‘hammock’, and he wasn’t going to pretend that he cared. He was far to intrigued with his new sun-bathing bed. He chirruped, pleased, his tail flapping once and the fin still hanging out over the edge of the bed, but otherwise he looked comfortable.

Comfortable…and beautiful.

Good god, he was a beautiful creature.

Springer leaned his back on the side of the boat, propping himself up on his elbows. “I’ll make sure that nobody comes by and bothers us, if you want to rest.”

“…Why?”

Uh oh.

Sunstreaker’s other favorite word that he’d picked up on since the day that he’d been released from the chain.

“Because I don’t want anybody spotting you and trying to hurt you. I want you to relax in peace.”

“…Hmm.”

The fin dipped in and out of the surface of the water.

“I’ll feel them.”

“You’ll feel them coming?”

Sunstreaker nodded, his arms crossing behind his head, his green eyes closed as he enjoyed the sun beaming down on his golden scales. “Noisy.”

“Yeah, I guess you’ll feel the waves and ‘hear’ them in the water.”

“No. You noisy.”

Springer choked.

He’d fed the Mer, he’d given him a nice place to sunbathe, and he was complaining that he was /noisy?!/

Vain bastard.

“…I’ll still keep watch, if you don’t mind.”

“No.”

“No?”

“Come.”

The boat swayed slightly as Springer pushed off of the side and turned towards the mat. His blue eyes opened a little wider.

Sunstreaker was extending a hand towards him, the signal they used when one of them wanted something. Sunstreaker was imploring him to come over, /inviting/ him to come over.

The most gorgeous Mer that Springer had ever seen was inviting him to lie down next to him.

His heart leapt up to his throat.

Not quite believing this for himself, he made his way over, and knelt down, shuffling in and crawling up to Sunstreaker’s side. But before he could lie down, Sunstreaker growled, then picked at his shirt.

“Ugh. Remove.”

“…You want me to get rid of my shirt?”

“/Remove,”/ he demanded, throughly annoyed, his fins and frills poofing out slightly.

“Okay, okay, yeesh.”

Grabbing the hem, Springer lifted it over his head, and tossed it to lay on the seat of the piloting chair nearby. That satisfied Sunstreaker well enough, and when Springer went to ask him why he’d wanted him to do that, he grunted as he suddenly found himself on his back, and the Mer’s arms wrapping around him.

A /mouth/ descended on his shoulder.

A tongue…

…A tongue /licked/ him?

Springer blinked up at the blue sky and fluffy white clouds above them.

Okay. Alright. Sunstreaker was /cleaning/ him.

He had no idea why, or what Sunstreaker thought that he was cleaning off of his skin, but when Springer tried to move Sunstreaker growled and held him tighter.

…It was nice, though.

He wasn’t going to ask him to stop.

Springer did his best to relax and enjoy the Mer’s meticulous tongue-cleaning, even when the golden tail slowly lifted out of the water and wrapped around him, further pinning him against the mat.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“And this is the throttle. You push the button here to be able to move it. Pushing it forward makes the boat go faster.”

Good Lord. He couldn’t believe that he was explaining this to a /Mer./

What was even more amazing was that Sunstreaker was paying rapt attention. The Mer was sitting on one of the side seats and leaning over Springer’s shoulder as he looked at where the human was pointing and what he was doing. Every so often he’d sound out an unfamiliar word, getting used to the way it would feel on his tongue (“s-s-s-teeeeering–”), and make trilling noises at anything that sincerely interested him.

Springer had no idea why he was explaining this. Sunstreaker was a Mer. He’d seen him swim faster than his small craft could go, and execute tight turns that made him jealous.

A finger reached over and tapped a dial on the control panel. “This?”

“The RPMs.”

“Arrrr-peeee-eeehms.”

“Basically, uh, it tells me how hard the engine is working, and how fast the boat can go.”

“Oooo.”

A small grin worked itself up on the corner of Springer’s mouth. This wouldn’t be the first time he’d taken a date out on his boat and give them a quick lesson on driving a boat, letting them practice in open water–

But this wasn’t a date. Sunstreaker was a /Mer./ He was just spending time with him while he waited for Monday, when he’d take a bus into the city and continue the search for Sideswipe.

Not a date. Just spending quality time together.

…Fuck.

Spending quality time together with someone of another /species./ If he spent quality time throwing his ball around for a dog, that didn’t mean that he was dating the dog.

But Sunstreaker wasn’t a dog.

He was intelligent. /Sentient./

Fuck dammit. Springer needed to get over himself. The only reason that Sunstreaker was hanging around was because he needed him to help find Sideswipe. That was the extent of their friendship. That was all.

“…You want to go for a ride?”

He couldn’t believe the words had stumbled out of his mouth.

Neither could Sunstreaker, apparently. There was a questioning chirrup, and some of his frills puffed out.

“I /can/ swim,” he deadpanned.

“Yeah, but my boat goes /over/ the water. You can swim faster than me, but I’ll bet you’ve never gone that speed outside the water, have you?”

“I can jump,” Sunstreaker replied, though the annoyance in his voice was fading.

He sounded truly curious.

“Well? Yes, or no?” Springer leaned back in his chair. “I mean, I’m not going to force you to be in the boat while I’m driving it if you don’t want to, if you’d rather just swim. But if you want to try–”

“No.”

Springer’s heart sunk.

Of course. Sideswipe was snatched away by a boat. Sunstreaker likely didn’t want to relive that moment with him /on/ the boat too, unable to control where he was going on the sea–

He squawked as the Mer crawled over and shoved him out of the seat.

“Wha–!!”

But Sunstreaker was already tucking his tail under and around the seat, giving himself some leverage to sit up as he made himself comfortable with one hand on the wheel, the other on the throttle. “I drive. You sit.”

Springer’s jaw swung open.

“…You want to drive?”

“Yes.”

“Mers don’t drive boats!”

“Whatever.”

Just as he’d shown him, Sunstreaker took the throttle, pushed in the button, and shoved the lever forward.

Way, WAY too fast.

The bow jolted out of the water. Both human and Mer shouted in surprise, clinging to their seats, and Springer scrambled to snatch the controls back from Sunstreaker, but Sunstreaker pulled the throttle back to correct himself, and as Springer was thrown into the console with a grunt, the Mer tried again. This time the bow lifted up gently as the boat accelerated, then leveled out once it was traveling at a decent clip.

“Jesus fucking Christ!”

“Jeeeezus fucking Christ!”

Shit. He was picking up on some good ones now.

Springer was wise enough to snatch up the lifejacket on the side of the seat and yank it on. Sunstreaker, though, kept going in a straight line across the ocean, his head snapping left and right to observe the sea around him, hair and fins flopping around in the wind, green eyes wide.

That was probably the widest Springer had ever seen Sunstreaker smile.

“…Mer’s don’t drive boats,” he muttered one more time, even though his grin was returning and quickly matching Sunstreaker’s.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Happier

Part two of the OS series about Ed Sheeran’s new album ‘Divide’. Based on the song ‘Happier’, lyrics in italics.

Save Myself


Genre: Angst, fluff
Word Count: 2265
Summary: Sometimes you have to let go of the things you love to save them. That’s why Baz broke up with Simon. But maybe he isn’t as fine as he pretends to be. And maybe Simon isn’t either.


They say, some things just aren’t meant to be. Do they say it to console us? Or is it true?
Maybe some stories simply aren’t meant to have a happy ending. Perhaps he and I were never supposed to be together.
He and I, we were a fairy tale. Our names alone sounded ridiculously magical and said together, they sounded like a spell.
I’d sometimes still say them out loud. They still feel like magic, though that might be just me. I wonder whether he can feel it, too, sometimes, despite knowing that that’s not fair.
When we crashed together, he and I, there was a storm and I barely made it out alive. He and I together, I know that there will no good come from that. I know that he’d die from it, some day. Sometimes you’ve got to make the tough decisions and be strong in order to write the story in the right way.
Radiating around one another, we lived to set each other on the right path, to love, to live, to burn.
That’s what inevitably ought to happen, once Baz Pitch and Simon Snow met. The world, on fire. So, a happy ending wasn’t possible, for the two of us. Just an ending that hurt less. And for him, I’d choose the less painful version any time.


Walking down 29th and park
I saw you in another’s arms
Only a month we’ve been apart
You look happier


I saw Simon the other day in a bar. (I go to bars more often, these days. Not much else to do when your life is a mess. When you think you might see him again.)
He looked so different from the last time I saw him. The look on his face – oh, that look. He smiled differently than he smiled with me. I wondered whether this was what he looked like when he was happy.
I think maybe that guy beside him managed to do what I was never capable of. That would be nice, wouldn’t it?
I saw Simon Snow sitting there, in front of the bar, talking to another guy. Light brown hair, goregous green eyes, a charming smile. Everything I’ll never be. And I’m bitter when I’m thinking about him. I can’t help it.
But Simon is happy with him. And that’s all that matters to me.

Saw you walk inside a bar
He said something to make you laugh
I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours
Yeah, you look happier, you do


I miss him. I really can’t help it. I’ve got no other choice but to think of him, all hours of the day. Because I’m not like Snow. I can’t just turn my brain off and stop thinking. And I don’t think I want to. Because memories of him are all I have left.

(And I know it’s pathetic. You don’t have to tell me that.)
We still see each other every now and then. He’s got a new boyfriend now. Someone who is more fit for him than me. Someone kind. Nice. And surely not a tragedy. That’s what Simon deserves. That’s the reason I split up with him.

Simon Snow deserves everything. And I wonder if that boy can give it to him. (I hope.)

Ain’t nobody hurt you like I hurt you
But ain’t nobody love you like I do
Promise that I will not take it personal, baby
If you’re moving on with someone new


When I told Simon that I wanted to end things between us, he looked vulnerable and small. He didn’t understand why it was the right thing. I broke his heart. (And mine too.)
I wonder whether he understands it now. I wonder if he would thank me if we’d properly meet another time.
(I hope he doesn’t.)
(Because I’m bitter.)
(I hope he does.)
(Because it means that he’s happy.)
I console myself a little, thinkng that he’d never have been able to be happy with me. A vampire. A monster. A disaster. And I wasn’t capable of curing his sadness. Maybe someone can do it – someone who is positive, and happy, and much more like Simon.
Simon deserves someone who matches him. I thought once that I did. (But we shouldn’t match. Because that means that he’s a mess, too. And I don’t want that for him.)
I saw Simon in a bar once, and he looked happier. (He did.)

‘Cause baby you look happier, you do
My friends told me one day I’ll feel it too
And until then I’ll smile to hide the truth
But I know I was happier with you


When I saw him there, my heart broke a little more. When I saw that glow in his eyes and the crinkles around them and the dimples on his cheeks, when he was smiling so widely, my heart broke. Because I knew that there was a time when I, too, had looked like that.

That exact same expression. When we were together.

But he and I, we weren’t meant to be. I wonder if, after months and years have passed, I’ll be a stranger to you. I wonder if I’ll run across you in the streets, years from now, and you’ll feel nothing when you look at me.
Fiona told me, one day I’d get over him. (I won’t. I’ve loved him since I was eleven years old. I’m not stopping now.)
“I used to smile like that, too,” I want to tell him. But he deserves this and I won’t ruin it for him.


Ain’t nobody hurt you like I hurt you
But ain’t nobody need you like I do
I know that there’s others that deserve you
But my darling, I am still in love with you


Sometimes I get weak and then I have to drink to make myself stop from chasing after him because the longing gets too strong. But the drinking never helps. It only makes my vision blurry and my head feel funny.
And I miss you. I miss you so much, it physically hurts.

I cry for him. I cry because I lost him and it’s my fault. And in these weak moments, I regret it. I can’t allow myself to regret. (Because I don’t want to be selfish. But maybe I have to be.)
I’m scared that he’ll never forgive me. I’m scared because he’s happy now and I’m alone. I’m not even a part of his life now. And I’d take whatever he’s able to give me. If we’d only meet once a year, I’d take that.
Because even though I’m not meant for you, you are meant for me. I used to be happy.

But I guess you look happier, you do
My friends told me one day I’ll feel it too
I could try to smile to hide the truth
But I know I was happier with you

It’s four months and two weeks after I’d broken up with Simon when I meet him again. It’s three months since I’ve seen him in the bar, with the guy.

(It’s not like I’m counting.)
(Of course I’m counting.)
I missed that messy hair of his. I missed all the moles and his face and everything. I missed his stuttering and mumbling and the fucking spectacle he is.
We’re in a bar that’s barely crowded. I saw him sitting there and I couldn’t help it. It was like a force pulled me towards him.
“Hey,” I murmur as I sit next to him.
He looks up from his drink and his eyes go wide. Then they lit up and he smiles at me, but he tries to contain it.
Carefully, he averts his eyes but I can tell that he’s trying hardly not to look at me.
Crowely, I missed him.
“H-hi, Baz,” he eventually says and I smile at him. He looks different, I think. Maybe being away from me did him good. It helped him. (I don’t care.)
(I do care. But only because I want this for him. Crowely, I want it.)
And suddenly, as I watch him (it’s still a disaster and I’m glad that hasen’t changed), I feel something blooming inside of me.

Strange, I think. I thought it died months ago. But apparently I really am still able to feel joy.
Because, all out of a sudden, I realize that all I need to be happy is for him to be happy. And if he can’t be that with me I have to accept it.
“How have you been?”
He laughs silently.
“Really? How have you been? That’s not the question I’d have expected from you.”
“What? Do you want me to insult you?”
He hesitates for a moment.
“Yes. I’ve missed it.”
“That’s pathetic.”
He laughs again. It saddens me to see him like this. Maybe he isn’t as happy as I’ve thought.
“I know.”

“How’s your boyfriend?” I ask. Because I want him to smile again. Please, Simon, smile for me.

Baby, you look happier, you do
I know one day you’d fall for someone new
But if he breaks your heart like lovers do
Just know that I’ll be waiting here for you

Simon’s face falls and he frowns just a little but I notice his discomfort immediately.

“What?” I ask and he stays silent. “Has he hurt you? I swear I’m going to break his bones if he did anything-”
“No, Baz, he didn’t do anything. He was perfect.”
“Oh.”
I go quiet and it still stings to hear him say this. (It will always sting.)
“Oh Baz, he was so bloody perfect. He was kind and a great person and- and-”
It stings and it stings and it stings. I can’t help it.
“And I was just fooling myself. It’s ridiculous.”
“What do you mean? You must have loved Mr. Perfect.”
He looks up at me and studies my face for a second.
“Yes,” he whispers softly. “I did love him.”
He takes another sip of his drink.
Mr. Perfect.
And I don’t know who he’s talking about anymore.

“Simon?” I whisper. “Are you happy?”
“Happy?” he laughs and it sounds bitter again. “Sure. Of course I’m bloody happy. I can’t believe you’re asking me this.”
“But- But I let you go.”
For once, I’m lost at words.
“I let you go so you could go find your happiness with someone else, someone who deserved you.”
He stares at me and I can tell that he’s surprised.
“So that’s why you dumped me?”
“I didn’t dump you. I let you go.
He laughs again. It sounds crazy this time.
“Oh Baz, I can’t believe you.”
“Well, I’m sorry, I only wanted what’s best-”
“You’re a nightmare.”
“Hey, that’s my sentence.”
He grins at me.
“I missed you.”
I don’t know what this means. I don’t know what I’m doing. All I know is that I’m suddenly smiling again and I can’t lie to him.
“I missed you, too. I only wanted to give you what you needed, and that was to be away from me.”
“Oh Baz,” he says again and I start to belive he’s lost his mind. And then he starts singing. “Baby, all I want for christmas is youuuu.”
“It’s not christmas for another three months. Stop making fun of me.”
“I’m not making fun of you. I mean, I am. But it’s also true that… All I needed was you.”
“I thought you were happy.”
“I was happy. When I was with you. These last few months… Not so much. I mean, I tried to be. I had a boyfriend, briefly. And I told myself that I loved him, but the truth is… I’ve never loved anyone but you.”
“You- You haven’t-”
“He was a good guy. And he didn’t deserve to be treated like that. Guess I’m no better than you.”

“Crowely.”
“Yeah.”
“That means I was wrong,” I say grimly.

“I thought you didn’t love me. I thought that’s why you left me. But I guess you loved me too much.”
Still do.
“I suppose it’s too late now to set things right.”
“Baz, you should know by now that it’s never too late.”

“But now you don’t need me anymore.”

“And that’s a good thing! Baz, we were so dependant on each other, we didn’t even know how to function on our own. I’ve had a lot of time to think about that.”
Hesitantly, I reach out and touch Simon’s hand with my own. My heart beat speeds up. Simon takes my hand fully and I’m nervous.

“So you still- I mean, are you still-”
“Of course, you twat. And you?”

“Always.”
“So we’re fine again?”

“I hope so.”
My heart flutters violently and I know that everything will be alright.

Some stories aren’t meant to have a happy ending. Like Simons with that guy from the bar. But he and I, we’re a fairy tale. I know that there was a reason for the time we pretended to hate each other and for the time we were apart. I know that that time was of use, to make us grow and learn.
But I know also that I won’t waste another second. Because I’m happy now and so is Simon and I think we do belong together.
And now I know that it’s not death, not suffering, not jealousy, nor pain that we deserve. Him and me. We got lucky.

This.

This is what we deserve.

anonymous asked:

GASTINA FLUFF PLEASE

I live for hot/fluff gastina mostly bc gastón just wants some love but nina is way too shy (she secretly likes it when gastón begs her for a kiss with those big puppy eyes of his) this is my first prompt/fic so go easy on me please!

Gastón could feel his eyelids getting heavy. Before he could close his eyes he took a peek at the brunette laying next to him. They were laying on the couch, her head resting on his chest. He brushed away her hair and smiled.

He felt different than he had felt a year ago. He felt a rush of adrenaline, like he was about to do something dangerous. But he also felt like nothing could happen to him. Like he could take on the whole world. He had come a long way. The search for Felicity had been tough, but he’d finally found her. His Felicity, his happiness.

Nina and he had decided to watch a movie at his place. His parents were out of town and wouldn’t be back for a few days. Matteo had asked him to come over but Gastón would rather be spending time with Nina right now. Not that he would ever ditch his best friend for his girlfriend, but Matteo hadn’t been himself lately. He was different. He had lied to Luna about Oxford and having a girlfriend. Gastón had told him that he should just tell her the truth. It’s Luna, she would understand him. Matteo refused, he thinks he’s protecting her from getting hurt but he doesn’t see that he’s hurting her even more this way. Luckily Luna has Nina. Her best friend. If anyone gives good advice it’s Nina.

Gastón tried to forget about Matteo and Luna. That was their problem to solve, not his, not Nina’s, not anyone’s.

At the beginning of the year Gastón had promised himself to do one thing: To spend as much time with Nina as possible and to enjoy every waking moment of it. This was his last year at Blake after all. He didn’t know what he was going to do after, where he would be going to college or even what he would study. The only thing he knew is that what he has right now is real. What he has with Nina is real. But it’s not forever.

Secretly he hoped to have a future with Nina, aware of all of the things that might change. Maybe he would go to college somewhere far away. Maybe she would leave him. Gastón shook the thought. He doesn’t know what the future will bring, but he knows that he will fight for her. For them.

He looked at Nina, her head still resting on his chest. Her face was peaceful, almost angelic. He smiled and placed a delicate kiss on her head. She looked into his eyes. The look that would get his heart racing, the look that said a thousand words. The same look she would give him whenever they’d see each other, whenever she dropped her books at the lockers, whenever they talked in the park. It’s the look that saved him, that reminded him of who he was. She had changed him, made him a better person. Or maybe he had done that himself. But she had helped him, showed him the way. He’d helped her too. To conquer her fears, to be herself. They needed each other. They were laying face to face now. So close their noses were touching, her lips brushing his. When they kissed it felt like nothing mattered anymore. The world could end and he wouldn’t care. It was a long and passionate kiss, Gastón smiled half way through. Nina was on top of him now, her hands resting on his chest. His hands were around her waist. He took off her glasses and carefully placed them on the table next to him. They slowly pulled away. Gastón was smiling like an idiot and Nina was blushing so hard she looked as if she got caught doing something wrong. Gastón laughed, a soft but genuine laugh. He pulled her closer again and placed little kisses all over her face and head. She buried her head into his chest. He was happier than ever.

anonymous asked:

How do you manage your fears about the future?

I fear about my future a lot. Sometimes I manage those fears, sometimes I don’t.

In many ways it’s also not just about worry about the future but worrying about the past. It’s living a life that Craig Jenkins describes as, “being haunted by possibilities… fretful that some burnt bridge or wrong turn has quietly and imperceptibly wrecked everything.”

The best thing we can try to do for ourselves at this moment, whether or our own, or with a therapist, is to try to understand the causes of our worries.

Human beings tend find a perverse comfort in searching for patterns, often in places where there isn’t rationally supposed to be one. It’s why we see depictions of animals when we look at the clouds, but it’s also why we feel that events in our life always have a larger meaning and are doomed to be cyclical. I faced a lot of heartbreak and cruelty in my family life growing up, some of those events have not only affected my current behavior towards myself or people I care about, but they have also created this constant persistent suspicion that I am doomed to have bad things happen to me or that I’m going to repeat my self-destructive behaviors to the point where I have ruined the only good things in my life.

One of the largest manifestations of my fear of the future that I’ve noticed is that I constantly procrastinate on my responsibilities. Small menial tasks such picking up the phone to call someone or responding to an e-mail give me anxiety. Long term goals such as turning my health around are always projects that I want to start tomorrow and not now. Perhaps in a weird way to cope with that resulting feeling of emptiness that comes from knowing I’m sabotaging myself, I daydream. I daydream a lot. Throughout the day in my head, entire scenes that take place in the near future are acted out and all of them feature a projected and perfect version of myself, where my insecurities are gone. In those daytime fantasies, I’m in perfect shape, I’m in love with someone who loves me back, I have forgiven my mother, and I don’t have to worry about money. Meanwhile, despite having these lucid visions, I act helpless, putting off doing what I need to do in my life to bring me closer to realizing those dreams.

I know I’m not alone and thankfully, there’s a lot of theories that try to really explain this phenomenon. There’s evidence that we see our future selves not as ourselves, but as a distinctly separate people—and we think of them essentially as complete strangers. Procrastination falls in line with this. When we put something off, we are making an explicit decision for our future selves without their consent, sabotaging them in the process and not fully realizing they are us. We’re not connected with our future selves enough to have their best interests.

These are some of the driving urges behind the persistent feeling of brokenness in my life and for years I have fought them, just as I had tried to fight every dark and self-destructive thought that I have ever entertained. Don’t fight them. They are a part of you and it’s okay to be afraid and vulnerable. Learn to work with your brain, rather than against it. For example, don’t try to see your future self as you, it’ll be a waste of time. Rather, learn to love your future self as a separate entity, accept that this person lives in your head. Learn to love that person to the point that you want to take care of this person and to make decisions that lift that person up.

In fact, learn to disassociate your past self as well and to learn love it equally. It was a younger version of yourself, and making mistakes is a part of being young. Tragedies that were out of your control aren’t doom to happen again. My past self needed more love in his life. I’m no longer that person, or at least I don’t have to be.

A lot of my fears are also rooted in the idea that I want the best life possible, that out of all the parallel universes in which versions of myself exist, that I live in the absolute best one. Subconsciously we often tend to treat our lives as if they are a novel in progress. That there is a narrative arc. There isn’t a narrative arc. There’s a beginning, but it isn’t always followed by rising tension, a singular climax or even a resolution in the end. Some people’s lives sure seem like that, but the reason we’re drawn to their stories is because they appear to be written like one. For the vast majority of people it just doesn’t work like that.  Not everything resolves itself and we don’t always end up living happily ever after. At first this made me even more anxious, but I realize now that I have the chance to create multiple beginnings. That whole fear that something bad will happen to you sooner or later? That’s a narrative! There is no narrative in your life unless you force yourself to have one.

Learn to also notice your feelings when you’re not worried as well. When I remember the times where I felt comfortable of my future, I realized I wasn’t happier. A few months ago I was restless, I felt like I had plateaued and got too comfortable and it was depressing in a very different way. For a while, I felt I was going to keep doing the same thing for the next few years and life was on autopilot. I was letting others make decisions for me. It took an unexpected job change and a subsequent relocation to realize that I’m not done yet, and there are more things that I want to do.

Ultimately, we must accept that despite our best efforts, there will be times of great importance to us that are left to be determined by the decisions of others. Whether it’s an admissions committee, a judge, a more powerful colleague, a partner, or even a child, it is other people who will decide the outcome of some of the most significant turning points in our lives. It’s scary and it’s supposed to be. We don’t like feeling uncertain, but it’s not just a feeling. The uncertainty is very real and we have to accept it. The only thing we can determine is the type of person we are when we meet those faceless gatekeepers. I still have a long way to go, but I want to be prepared. And with that I ultimately must learn to love my present self as well, not in spite of all of its flaws but because of them. I need to acknowledge my strengths and my weaknesses, and to learn to nurture myself even if it means making tough decisions or doing things I’m uncomfortable doing.

I don’t know where I’m going to be in the next year, or how I’m going to get there. If there are major changes in my life, I’m not sure if they will be instantaneous changes or incremental. What I do know is that the change I have most power over, are the incremental ones. It makes sense to start with those. I know I will still be afraid, I know I’ll have plenty of reasons to be afraid. I’ll also have plenty of reasons to daydream again as well. But just as I need to change things in my present to confront those fantasies, I need to also change things in my present to confront those fears. It’s hard knowing exactly what I need to do, but in my experience, most of it falls under continuing learning to love myself, to take better care of my body and to improve upon my skills little by little. I’ll start with that.

18 Things I learned over the 18 Months of Living with T1D

This day, it has been exactly a year and half since my diagnosis of type 1 diabetes. Instead of being upset about this milestone, I’m celebrating and finally accepting that I will never have my old life back. I’ve come a long way to learn to love this disease, I wanted to hate it so badly. However, the more I resented it, the more I saw it as a burden, ultimately the more unhappy I became. Yes, times get extremely hard but those feelings come and go. So, instead of letting diabetes control me and my emotions, I’m going to take my emotions, my dedication and strength to control it. Diabetes may be a huge part of my life, I identify as a diabetic, but I will no longer let diabetes define me and take the reins of my life. Without further ado, here are the 18 things I learned over the 18 months of living with type 1 diabetes.

1. The less I hid my diabetes, the happier I became

I’m going to say that one more time. The less I hid my diabetes, the happier I became. This is the most important thing I learned. I was on injections for the first year of my diagnosis and I felt so ashamed. I hated having to excuse myself to take a shot, or taking shots in front of people. I would hide testing my blood sugar for crying out loud. I was sick of it. I told myself that as soon as I got an insulin pump, no more hiding. This is my health and if people feel uncomfortable about me taking care of my health then they are the ones that can excuse themselves. Now, I wear my pump with pride. I love when it sticks out from my clothes, I love how it’s blatantly visible. I love checking my blood sugar in public. Do people ask questions? Of course they do. Sometimes it can be intrusive but most of the time when people ask, “what’s that?” pointing to my pump I say it’s an insulin pump and they shrug and walk away. It’s a breath of fresh air being able to live my life without hiding a major part of it.

2. Not having perfect numbers 24/7 is fine and expecting perfect numbers 24/7 is not healthy mentally

I’m not a robot and I’m certainly far from perfect, so I will have “bad” numbers. I would freak out (sometimes still do, I’m still working on it) if I’m not in range. But the highs are inevitable just like the lows. They will happen, a lot, and it’s something I’ve accepted. I was driving myself insane striving for perfect numbers 24/7. It’s not a realistic expectation. Oh, and one more thing. I will no longer feel ashamed when a doctor, friend, relative, ANYONE, says “that’s not a good number, you need to get better at controlling your diabetes”. What do you think I’m doing??? No more shame, I’m done with it.

3. I’m strong. Like, really strong

I’ve been strong my whole life but I never knew how strong I actually am until I got diagnosed. I’ve handled so much shit this past year and a half and quite honestly I don’t know how I did it. Diabetes takes such a mental toll on whoever has it and it’s physically and mentally draining. I’ve struggled, cried a ton, wanted to give up, but I’m so so so so proud of myself for pressing on. I’ve surprised myself by seeing what I’m capable of. 

4. It’s truly okay to have a breakdown (or 5) in a day

Even though I just got done saying I’m strong, there are times where it’s okay not to be. I don’t see breakdowns as weakness anymore. I’ve embraced them and releasing those emotions is a relief. Having a burnout doesn’t make me weak or a bad diabetic, it makes me human. This disease is tough to handle at times and it’s okay to breakdown.

5. Not everyone is going to understand my disease and that’s okay

There is a huge difference between the people that don’t know what type 1 diabetes is and those who think they do know and shove their “knowledge” and “health tips” down your throat. There are a lot of people out there that think diabetes is caused by sugar or they don’t know the specifics of diabetes. These people, I learned to be okay with. All it takes is a simple conversation to explain to them what it is. Sometimes they get it, sometimes they don’t and if they still don’t, whatever, not worth my breath anymore. It’s okay if they still don’t understand.

6. How to speak up for myself and all the other type 1 diabetics

The other group of people I mentioned, I can’t get over. They irk me so badly and I will forever speak up to educate them so they stop spreading misconceptions. No, cinnamon won’t cure me. Yes, I’m sure. Yes I need insulin. No, losing weight won’t fix it. I know there are some people out there that don’t feel comfortable confronting people about this (and that’s perfectly okay!!!) but I can’t stand by. I used to, but not anymore. I’ve heard some ridiculous comments and I’m not afraid to say something more ridiculous back to them.

7. Not every single friend is going to be part of my support system

Just because they’re my friend doesn’t mean they have to be part of my support system. My system consists of my family, my boyfriend, his family, my best friend and my fur babies (my kitty and my parents’ 2 dogs). Don’t get me wrong, I love all of my friends but it’s okay that they’re not part of my support system. Quite frankly, it would be exhausting if that many people were! Having to explain every situation to them, no thank you. Not going to lie, my thought process used to be “if they’re not going to be there for me then screw them!” but I learned that they have lives of their own, hardships they have to deal with, and just because they don’t check in on me that doesn’t make them bad friends. I love my friends, every single one, inside my support system and out.

8. But, it’s also okay to cut some people off

I was diagnosed my last semester senior year of college and it SUCKED. I was rarely ever at school, back and forth between doctors and my internship. Eventually my friends and I drifted apart (granted there was other shit involved). Stuff went down, I was singled out, was shit talked on, you know, typical girl bullshit. A few months after graduation I confronted one of them and asked what happened. She didn’t really have an answer except for “well you were never really there….” Seriously?! Did it ever occur to you that I was smacked in the face with a life changing diagnosis? Instead of being bitter about it, I let them go. Some people aren’t meant to be in your life and my diagnosis made me realize that.

9. How to say no

For so long I was afraid to miss out on anything. I literally suffered from FOMO. Even if I didn’t feel good or was super busy, I always wanted to be part of whatever was going on. Post-diagnosis I’ve learned to finally chill, to say no. And not only that, but I also learned to stop feeling bad about saying no. I’m number one in my life and my health comes before anything else. If I’m too tired, if my numbers aren’t good and I feel like crap because of it, then I’m not going anywhere. I will be a little hermit in my apartment and that’s that. It took a lot for me to get over my FOMO but once I did, I became happier.  

10. To never feel bad about diabetes coming in the way of work, obligations, etc

This one is extremely important. It took me awhile that I am my first priority. If my blood sugars aren’t allowing me to perform at work then I need to take some time and chill before resuming. It’s definitely easy since I have an understanding boss but this extends outside of work. If I have to cancel an obligation at the last minute because of my blood sugars, I don’t even care anymore if the other party gets pissed. I’m sorry but my body and my health comes first, everything else is second.

11. How to master survival mode

High blood sugar? Survival mode. Low blood sugar? Survival mode. Almost dying for a hot second? Survival mode. I’m happy I can successfully treat my highs and lows, with little to no panic (sometimes). I can guzzle down 2 juice boxes in 10 seconds flat, which I find impressive. On the flip side, I know to take it easy and lay low when I’m high. It kind of sounds easy as I’m writing this but mastering survival mode certainly wasn’t easy at all but it’s a good skill to have.

12. To never give up

I was in a really dark place for a long time when I was diagnosed. My depression came on strong. I thought about ending it all and wanted to give in but I never gave up. I still fight to this day because I don’t want diabetes to win. It’s easy to quit, it’s harder to keep going. Is it tough? Oh yeah. But I think this life is a beautiful thing and I want to keep on living in it.

13. Humbleness

I’m a giant walking ball of contradictions. I was the most prideful yet unconfident person ever. I thought I was hot shit but also thought I was a piece of shit. Anyway, diabetes taught me how to tame the prideful side of me. When you see something tragic or hear of someone close to you getting diagnosed with something awful you think “oh my God that’s awful but it’ll never happen to me”. That was me. I did that. I took my life and my health for granted. You don’t realize what will happen when the day does come. It was sure one hell of a wake up call for me. I don’t really know how to describe it but diabetes has made me more humble.

14. How to listen and pay attention to my body

Holy crap, I can’t even begin to count how many times I took my body for granted pre-diagnosis. Now? I feel my blood sugars when they’re high and low. I feel when my stomach is unsettled from something I ate. I have a pain somewhere in my body, I better find out what it’s coming from. Paying attention to how my body reacts to things is crucial and could honestly save my life at times. I’m so thankful I learned this and I’ll never take my body for granted anymore.

15. I’m more than my goddamn numbers

Blood sugar numbers, A1C, my weight, number of carbs… it’s never ending. I would get so caught up with all of these numbers and it stressed me like crazy. I’m. More. Than. Numbers. I’m a person, with feelings and a personality, go figure! No longer will I feel ashamed if I had “bad” blood sugar numbers, and a “not so good” A1C, etc. I’m trying my best and that’s all that should matter. I’m so sick of nurses and doctors telling me I need to get better at controlling my diabetes. Well you know what? They have no idea what I go through on a daily basis, they have no idea how much I bust my ass to get good numbers. So I’m done. I’m more than my numbers and they can all kiss my ass.

16. To be more responsible

I’m not saying I was never responsible in the past. However, taking care of myself when I have a chronic illness is a completely different level of responsibility. I have so much more on my plate now and I have to be mindful about taking care of myself. My point about saying no, that right there is being responsible about myself. I also don’t depend on anyone to remind me to be responsible (though it is nice to have a little encouragement). On the flip side, letting loose and not caring is just as important. (Like I said before, I’m a walking ball of contradictions).

17. That I’m limitless

Diabetes can’t, and won’t, hold me back from doing the things I love. Type 1 diabetes may be a chronic illness but it won’t stop me. Exercising was tough at first, I always went low, but I learned how to manage my blood sugars while exercising. If I want to eat pizza, I’ll eat some damn pizza! (Unless my stomach hurts already, pizza irritates my stomach hahaha). I even have a tattoo that says “You are unlimited” because that’s exactly what I am. Unlimited. I’m just like anyone else. Sometimes certain things are a little harder with diabetes (like exercising, which I mentioned) but it makes me want to push past the challenges and try even harder.

18. How to love myself

This one took awhile. I hated my diabetes, so that meant I hated my pancreas. Hated my pancreas because it stopped working which meant I hated my immune system. I hated my immune system for it not working properly. See? It’s a vicious cycle. I learned to love myself on the inside (and the outside too but still working on that one a little bit). I can’t hate myself anymore. God made me the way he wanted me to be made. I’m perfect the way I am.

I’m learning every day and it’s definitely still a work in progress. However, having a more positive outlook on my condition I can say I’ve been happier. Positive vibes my fellow T1D’s, positive vibes.

HIGHSCHOOL POST

The Freshman Code: You are not cool, but you are not annoying, unless you make yourself. Honestly the seniors do not care about you, they will say things but they will stay out of your way as long as you stay out of theirs. Don’t go around thinking that you “rule the school” and everything will be fine. Bottom line: Stay in your lane.
Prepare yourself accordingly. Freshman year you will most likely overpack, it completely normal. By the middle of year you will see you only need a notebook, some folder, and a couple of pencils.
Comfort is key. Its cool to dress cute, but don’t overdress and end up being super uncomfortable. You’re in school for a long time each day, try to find something that works with your schedule.
Know your school. If you’re moving into a new building its always smart to get to know the area before school starts. Go with your friends a couple of days before school starts and run your schedules. Look for places where you guys will meet up/get picked up and common places like the bathrooms, nurse offices, and the main school office.
Grades do matter. Lots of people say that hey “______ year is blow-off year!” for colleges, no year is blow of year. They will look at all your grades and they wont take sympathy for you if you were a straight A student and then “suddenly drop”. This doesn’t mean that you should cry about not having your homework or failing a test/quiz. Just work on your overall semester grade and you will be fine.
Looks are not so important. Don’t stress over looking perfect all the time. Everyone has off days and no one will care if you don’t wear makeup, or wear leggins and sweatshirts everyday. Just be happy with yourself.
Things will change. You are going to loose friends, make friends, change interests, goals, etc.. Don’t feel like you have to stay the same (in any way) because that will end up bringing you down. Change is good!
Join clubs/activities! Joining clubs or certain classes with any particular interests will help you make more friends, while you’re doing something you like. Its the easiest way to meet people who are into the same things you are.
SLEEP. Sleep is so so important. If you don’t sleep enough it will affect your academic performance and your health. Make time to get in as much sleep as you can.
Keep your essentials. It varies for everyone, mine are my phone/charger/headphones, gums/mint, a little bit of money, ID, car/home keys, Advil, pads/tampons, snacks.
Throw away negative people. If you feel like anyone is bringing you down or making you feel bad about anything that makes you happy, drop them. Don’t feel bad about it either, just try to make your experience the best you can.
These will most likely not be the “best 4 years of your life”. High school is tough, there is lots of changes with you and the “environment” around you. You will feel lost at times, sad/angry, etc… You can make it, but don’t feel like you’re “losing”  because you’re not having a blast.
Manage your stress. Things get really stressful really easy, try to find something that keeps you entertained and happy. Something like working out, yoga, reading, art, photography, etc… There is also tea that helps!
Take care of yourself. Try to eat right, exercise, and overall take care of your body. Make sure to try and keep yourself in top condition.
Don’t be the annoying kid who doesn’t have anything and always asks for stuff, it’s annoying and people are going to start avoiding you, come prepared.
Friend your teachers. This will help you out a lot because they will try and help you out when you have grade problems, or maybe want some extra credits. Plus its a lot easier to be comfortable in a classroom when you know the teacher.
Try and be open! I know its difficult (I’m super shy myself) but try to be out going and friendly, people will then be drawn to you and it will help you be happier overall. Be open to new people, ideas and things.
The counselors are there to help. They will help you a lot around the school and any academic areas, and also if you ever have personal problems. Sometimes its easier to talk to someone who doesn’t really know you.
Make the best of it. School sucks a lot of times (most times for me anyway) but there is lots of fun memories and experiences that come along with it. It a part of life so just try to enjoy it as much as you can!

3

For: Anon

Imagine: Being a badass Amity transfer and Uriah falls in love with you.

Y/D/N= Your daughter’s name, Y/S/N= Your son’s name

As a transfer from Amity, everyone thought you’d be weak, little, timid girl, you sure as hell surprised them during your first fight with a guy who was almost twice your size. Being from Amity, meant you always used to run around, climb trees, and practically wrestle farm animals to get them to cooperate, doing things like this sure gave a person a lot of strength. This is why within minutes of your first fight, the Candor boy was out like a light.

During a game of Capture the Flag, you had been chosen to be on Four’s team, alongside a boy named Uriah. You and Uriah had become friends by the end of the game, he even invited you to go zip lining with him and the other Dauntless-born initiates.

Over the course of the following months of training, you and Uriah got closer and closer, especially when you started confiding in each other during the fear simulations. Uriah had become your best friend, and you were desperately crushing on him, but you obviously didn’t want to tell him, you wouldn’t want to do anything that would put your friendship at stake.

You currently stood in the cafeteria, you had just gone through your fear landscapes a few hours ago and now you would be finding out your results. Max stands on the balcony, along with the other leaders, giving you all a speech, finally when the rankings go up, you scan the board, looking for your name. Your jaw drops once finally see it:

1. Y/N

2. Uriah

3. Peter

What?! The entire faction erupts into cheers, you even heard some people chanting your name. The people around you congratulate you, and then you see Uriah pushing his way through the crowd, “Y/N! I can’t believe it! You did it, I’m so proud of you!”

“You did so well too Uriah! Congratulations!” He pulls you into his arms and twirls you around.

Eventually, the faction settles down, and you join Uriah and the rest of your friends for dinner. After eating, Uriah gets up from the table and gestures for you to follow him. He leads you through the dark hallways of Dauntless, until you finally get to a door that leads to the roof.

“Why are we up here Uri?”

“I wanted to ask you something.”

“What is it?”

“Well, Y/N, now that we’re both officially members of Dauntless, I thought it would be the perfect time to tell you. I’m in love with you Y/N, and I have been since that game of Capture the Flag. Y/N, will you be my girlfriend?”

“Aww Uri! I’ve been in love with you too, I wanted to tell you, but I was scared you wouldn’t feel the same way!” You lean in and hug him.

“So I’ll take that as a yes?”

“Yes!” He chuckles, and kisses you. At that moment everything vanishes, it’s just you and him standing there, madly in love.

The moment is ruined when you hear, “I thought you’d be up here Ur-”

You both step back from one another and turn around, you see Zeke and Shauna standing by the door, you hear Uriah curse under his breath, “Yeahhhh baby bro! Get some!”

Shauna and Zeke both laugh as you turn bright red; Uriah flips them off and tells them to get out. They turn to leave, but just before going Zeke calls over his shoulder, “Use a condom Uri, one of you is enough, we don’t need anymore!”

They shut the door behind them and Uriah turns to you, “Sorry about that, Zeke sure knows how to ruin a moment.”

You giggle, “It’s okay, at least we don’t have to worry about telling them that we’re together now.”

“Now where were we?” Uriah pulls you back in, and you can’t remember a time that you’ve ever been any happier.

*Time Skip*

“Mum!” Your three-year-old daughter, Y/D/N, squeals as she runs away from Y/S/N, your five-year-old son, “Mummy help!”

“Y/S/N, stop chasing your sister,” You scold as Y/D/N hides behind you.

He gives you his best puppy-dog eyes, “But mom! I’m only teaching her how to be more Dauntless.”

You shake your head, “You’re just like your dad.”

“Hey, my little man just wants his baby sister to grow up to be a beautiful and tough leader like his mommy!” Uriah says coming up from behind you. The two of you had been together since that day after initiation. You had both been offered leadership positions due to your amazing ranks, a few years later, Uriah had proposed to you. A year after you got married you had Y/S/N, and two years later Y/D/N was born, your lives were absolutely perfect, and your children were adored by everyone in the faction.

“Oh stop Uri!” You laugh, “You’re such a bad influence on Y/S/N.”

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s not my fault that Y/S/N got his father’s charms,” Uriah winks, lifting Y/S/N off the ground. You playfully punch his shoulder, and lean down to whisper into Y/D/N’s ear, she agrees to your plan cheerfully.

You take her hand and she growls as the two of you begin chasing Uriah and Y/S/N around the room. The apartment fills with the shrieks and laughter of you and your children.  

Masterlist // Rules List // To-Do List

Making Fun a Priority

For Ash’s 2k Writing Challenge. My prompt was Negan’s birthday. Never really done anything like this before (talking about prompts and Negan fics, I’ve written smut before), so be nice, ‘kay?? :):)

@flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash

@negans-network

Summary: As much as she thought today would be like any other day, Brandi was wrong. Completely wrong. Today her job was taking her places she’d never been before. Today she was going to find herself face to face with the one and only, Negan. Today was Negan’s birthday. Today he was in a giving mood.

Warnings: Smut and language.

Bamby

Life was good. Considering the world was falling apart and people were dying but not staying dead, life was good. It had been about two, maybe three years since the dead began to walk and the living began to run. Two years since I’d found myself happier than ever before.

I hadn’t had the best life before. Abuse, depression. Violence, anxiety. I’d worked as a waitress for a sleazy, greasy boss. I’d lived with my alcoholic mother and her pervy boyfriend. I was a student at college, where I had no friends and was a constant target for bullying.

To say the end of the world was a blessing for me, would be an understatement. I thrived in this world. I’d finally found my place. I belonged somewhere. I was… Happy.

Pulling myself out of bed, I moved over to my dresser and grabbed my brush before running it through my hair as I looked at myself in the mirror before me.

There was nothing special about me. I was simple. Plain Jane. Thick, wavy, strawberry blonde hair. Thin pink lips. Large hazel eyes framed by round glasses. Fair skin littered with freckles. A small, pointed nose.

I was thin, too- so much so, you could see some of my bones. But seeing as I was a hard worker and didn’t eat much- a problem caused by my past- that was to be expected. Yet despite my frail body, I was strong, and had some curves- nothing too fancy though.

None of that mattered to me. I liked myself, which was important. I didn’t love myself, but I was working on it. That’s all I cared about. How I saw myself was more important than how others saw me.

Well, actually… I cared about what Negan thought of me.

Negan. He’s the boss around here. Keeps the place running. Makes the rules. Protects everyone. He leads us through the chaos of the world today, while trying to keep some order from the world before. He was smart, and brave, and strong. Cruel, yet kind. Gentle, yet tough. He was the most complex person I’d ever met and I was in love with him.

I was hopelessly and completely in love with the man, and he didn’t even know my name…

Shaking my head- now finished brushing my hair- I put my brush down on the dresser before pulling my hair into a quick bun. Grabbing some clothes from my drawers, I got dressed in a pair of faded jeans and a grey top. Moving over to my bed again, I sat and pulled on my tattered pair of dirty white sneakers.

Now ready for the day ahead, I started for my door, ready to get to work.

Keep reading

Hard to Find

Summary: True love is hard to find, but Jensen Ackles may have stumbled upon it at a bed & breakfast in a small, Kansas town.

Part Fifteen: Share My Dreams
Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader
Word Count: 1265
Warnings: None. 

Recommended Listening: True Love Is Even Harder to Find by Roger Alan Wade

Masterlist

A/N: This is the final part to this fic! It’s been a challenge to write, but I’m happy with it, and I hope you are all happy with it as well! New Jensen series is in the works; if you’re not already tagged and would like to be, please let me know!

Your name: submit What is this?

>

Keep reading

My grandmother had Alzheimer’s. She passed away last night but something she said before she died has been keeping me up.

by reddit user defnotleland

Last night my grandmother passed away. She was 79 years old. Which I guess is a pretty long time. It’s actually .3 years older than the US average. So I guess I can’t complain. But, still. It sucks.

My grandma’s death wasn’t unexpected. For the past 5+ years she’s suffered from Alzheimer’s. She was always a little ditzy, so at first no one really noticed something was wrong. Then slowly over time, things became more apparent.

Keep reading