and so i end up giving myself feels

The Big 4: Mommy, Daddy, how did you meet?


Jellal: W-well, we -

Erza: We were childhood friends!

Jellal: Yes, that’s good, listen to your mother … 


*Gajeel stares into the distance in horror while Levy quickly changes the subject*


Natsu: Well, it was sort of a coincidence. We ended up in the same town and your mom bought me food so I had to give her a hand when she almost got tricked into this sex trafficking ring and - 



Gray: Your mother blatantly refused to leave me alone until I finally admitted my feelings to myself and her.

Juvia: ~~ It was so romantic! ~~


top 50 otps of all time ☆ #45. Peyton Sawyer & Jake Jagielski 

“Yes, losing your heart’s desire is tragic, but gaining your heart’s desire? That’s all you can hope for. This year I wished for love … to immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted and if having that is tragic, then give me tragedy because I wouldn’t give it back for the world.”

anonymous asked:

I love how charmed Magnus always seems when Alec is stammering. It's honestly one of my favourite things with them when they interact, it's so sweet and heartwarming seeing how patient Magnus is. I often get my words mixed up and end up stuttering trying to correct myself and it's so embarrassing, like i wish someone looked at me like that when it happens.

awww same, he always looks so fondly on Alec? I mean, Magnus doesn’t want slick and cool; he wants genuineness and heart, and Alec gives it to him in spades. And when he stumbles for words but still looks so earnest and determined to say what he wants to say, I feel like that touches Magnus in a way few others have.

tbh when Alec stutters, too, it’s interesting because you can see his stubbornness even in small moments like this, like. he doesn’t ever stop or give up, he just keeps pressing on because he has something to say and dammit he’s going to say it no matter what – but you can also see the way his face lights up when Magnus gently fills in for him, when he gives Alec the words he can’t quite find. Alec has gone much of his life with so few people really understanding him aside from his siblings.

I also get the sense that while some of it may be nerves, it’s also partially a sign of Alec actively trying to look for the right words to say? Like, Alec is normally quite blunt and I don’t think he’s unaware of this. I think he knows he’s blunt, and so with Magnus because he likes this man and he wants Magnus to like him, too, he’s sort of – maybe thinking twice about how he phrases what he means and that causes a lapse between his brain and his mouth that usually isn’t there (since it only really happens around Magnus.)

anyway, these two are so soft around each other my heart genuinely hurts. :( sometimes i come across a gifset of magnus being angry and then magnus around alec one after the other, and the difference is night and day.

What are you supposed to do when you are falling in love with someone, and your whole body is being drained. What are you supposed to do when you feel yourself losing your sanity because you feel so empty by the end of the day. How are you supposed to explain how you feel to someone who feels no where close to how you feel about them. I’m loosing myself trying to love him. I’m losing my sanity, because I’m so caught up with him. I wait by my phone, waiting for another text, and it’s never quite fast enough. I feel like I care more, I feel like I want this more, and I feel like he doesn’t give a fuck what happens to us. I feel like i bother him constantly, I feel like I annoy him every time I overreact. I feel like he’s soon going to get sick of my uncertainty of myself. Eventually he’s going to forget the reasons why he ever fell for me in the first place. I’m waiting for this heart break to come, just like our over due earth quake.
is this a concept you guys would go for?

Originally posted by jimin-nim

i had this idea and i’m not even sure how i feel about it. it’s going to go into a jimin scenario where you’re on opposite debate teams, and then this happens (if i end up using it). so like this or tell me what you think about it

“Stay where you are, little one. You know that only my name can pass your lips. Besides, I haven’t finished explaining myself.” His voice deepens and you feel him get closer to you. “I’m going to give you one bit at a time, okay? I’m not going to thrust myself, I’m not going to pull in our out, I’m just going to give you more and more until you can’t fit it anymore.”

“You can’t possibly be that big.”

“Baby girl, I’ll show you how big I am.” He pushes in once again and shoves you up against the desk even further. “Do you want more?”

“Yes!” You yell, hearing your voice echo over the desks that you can’t see. “Please, Jimin- Fuck, just go all in.”

“So naughty, what a shame.” He presses himself in further and you gasp. Now we’re getting there. “I’m not going to give more,” he tries to stop himself from grunting, “to someone who’s been so disobedient.”


“Inch by inch.” He whispered, pushing in even more. “And once you’ve taken all that you can, I’m going to use you all up for myself. I’m going to push you down on this desk,” he presses himself into your walls and you yell, feeling yourself stretch around him as he grunted, “and I’m going to fuck you so hard, until you can’t think about anything but me. I’m going to spank you until you’re ready for me again and again.”

if i go with this then i’m naming the fic Inch By Inch

-admin tal

I hate myself for thinking this, but I think it was right that Wang So ended up alone. Don’t get me wrong -  I don’t like the way it was executed, but I do think it was right that Wang So ended up alone. I just felt cheated because if Show was going to tear me apart, they should have done it right, and they didn’t. They had a really good chance to completely rip my heart out and they failed at it, instead giving me this lackluster ending where I don’t feel sad or happy.

The reason why I say So was meant to end up alone is because the show paralleled So with Taejo and Soo with Oh Sanggung. I truly believe that for that era, there was no way a king could be king AND be happy. It’s just too unrealistic; Goryeo is a country that is still unstable at this time. It’s literally a RECENTLY unified country, less than 100 years old, and there were still different clans ruling it. To put it in perspective, the modern-day U.S. is 500 years old and still struggles with balancing the states’ and national governments’ power.

The difference between So and Taejo’s narrative, however, is that Oh Sanggung was willing to give up everything of hers for Taejo, but Hae Soo didn’t do that for Wang So. Oh Sanggung allowed herself to be broken in every way possible, but Hae Soo held back. Perhaps that’s why the way she left Wang So was so jarring to me at first - it was because I had seen Oh Sanggung’s sacrifice, and put that on a pedestal. Then when I saw how selfish Hae Soo was, I was put off by it. Why didn’t she trust So? Why wasn’t she giving him the benefit of the doubt, and trusting everyone else?

I think it was her defense mechanism. If she SAID that she hated So, if she SAID that she didn’t trust him, if she INTENTIONALLY pushed him away, it would be all the easier to leave him. And that was what she needed to do. And it’s NOT BECAUSE THEIR RELATIONSHIP WAS TOXIC, but because the palace was not a place where they could love each other. Their love has been unconventional from the start, but the palace is not the place for unconventional, beautiful love. For that time period, the palace was NEVER going to be a place where Soo could be happy. I would be a fool to think that it could ever get easier for Soo if she stayed there.

Now, the way she left him. It was awful, there’s no doubt about that. It didn’t even really make sense. But I think that’s because there’s no way it could make sense. They loved each other so much. There couldn’t be any good reason why one would leave the other. So, the only possible reasons left were the unreasonable ones. And that’s the route Soo chose. In the end, I don’t think So believed it when Soo said “Sometimes, I hate you.” I think he knew she loved him to the end, but he knew that she was letting go of him. I really think he understood that she was pushing him away and saying all this stupid stuff because she needed to make something up so that she could leave.

What I wish the show did, however, was show us what Soo was thinking. That would have really torn me apart. I wish the show gave us even one candid moment where Soo said to So, “I’m sorry that I’ll be leaving you alone but I need to live.” or even to herself, “I love him but I need to leave this place. But the only way to let go of him is to force myself not to love him anymore.” Where was the girl from the beginning, who wanted so badly to live? Who told people that it wasn’t a crime to want to live? She should have been given a moment to express that, so that I can empathize with her.

I think the show was trying to express that the throne is a lonely seat, no matter how hard you try. And So is a great person to the end - he was kind to the little girl, he freed slaves, etc.etc. But just because he deserves happiness, doesn’t mean he will get it. I just wish the show executed that idea in such a way that it completely skinned me alive and left me raw.


im all wack for almost 2months its ridiculous

 my depression really outdid itself. when i feel kinda happy/positive its not “im ok now” rather, lately, i would call it “less depressed than usual.” i’d get sad randomly its annoying me. also it upsets me. i’d get mad? but at the same time i feel miserable. its so conflicting i’d give up and just end up laying on bed not doing anything and feeling guilty im wasting time. for 2 frikking months straight.

my hype for undertale is slowly fading away as well. i mean those fan pages in facebook still give me updates of the new AU’s and such and i still like em! but drawing the characters myself isnt as fun as it used to. i dont know… i guess my head is busy fighting feels to do anything else

these emotions arrgh.

anonymous asked:

I know this is a bit more serious than your normal awesome anons so I'm sorry, but I really look up to you as an artist and wanted to know if/how you deal with negative feelings about your art? I just spent the past hour trying to draw anything remotely good and I'm crying and so frustrated and hopeless. It doesn't help that I keep giving up for months on end but it's so hard to deal with. Do you have any advice? I'm sorry you don't have to answer I know it's not a cute or funny ask I'm sorry

Please don’t feel the need to apologize, I appreciate your ask, it’s okay!
I understand what you’re going through, especially since I constantly feel like I’m disappointing myself or that I can do so much better. For me, I think the best thing to do is to not deprecate yourself. You’re doing your best, and it’s amazing that you decided to pick up a pencil today, you’re doing great already! 

Try to find the things that you’ve done well in your drawings! Maybe that one brush stroke was really smooth and your lines are amazing or that color looks really good and that one circle actually looks like a circle. Even if it’s a really small detail or something you liked during your drawing process, then you’re succeeding !!

Take your time, and be lenient with yourself. If it feels like you’ve been drawing for hours and nothing turns out the way you want it to, take a break. you can come back to it later, you did your best for the day, it’s okay
Allow yourself to doodle whatever else is on your mind without thinking about how good it should turn out, kind of like as stress-reliever or just to blep down silly ideas

Be proud of what you can do because you’re giving it your all, you’re constantly improving with every line you make, and you’re the only one who can draw the way you do! even if it wasn’t a complete piece, whatever you’ve drawn is already making you a better artist, so please keep going <:

Please tell me that you don’t want to lose me. Tell me that you will never leave me. Make me feel that you want me in your life. Tell me that you want me to stay and keep me in your life. I’ve spent so much time trying to tell everyone who comes in my life to never leave me and never give up on me. I’m so used of people leaving me. It’s always like this, i’ll let them come into my life, introduce myself to them, tell them my story only to let them go in the end once they decided to leave. I just want someone who’s really afraid to lose me and who will do everything just to be with me.
Yuri’ anxiety is so realistic that hurts

This episode was harrowing at the same time beautiful. I know how hard is to deal with anxiety, I love how JJ could finish his program and he did not let himself down. But now, Yuri.. I have anxiety disorder, depression and borderline so sometimes I feel like my worst enemie is myself. It’s like don’t matter what I do, how harder I try or how many times I try to do something that I like in the end I will give up. Not because I made a mistake, but I’m never satisfied with myself. I feel hopeless, my wish is that I’m able to do nothing so in this way I’m not gonna hurt myself anymore. In this episode see Yuri was like see myself. I hope that he doesn’t end like me…


When I get dysphoria I tend to have all of these things people have said on the subject of me being trans that have bothered me end up rattling around in my head and it gives me a headache
And when I get dysphoria I tend to have trouble speaking so this was kind of my way of trying to explain what it feels like
I also wanted to show how much  just using my preferred name can improve my mood. I wasn’t really sure what the title should be and this one just kind of came to me while I was coloring it so I just went with it

Generous Palmstroke

I began a journey this year into submission, into what it means to me to declare with passion that I am a slave who needs to serve, and through this blog I have shown with an open heart the pain and the process of it all. From the start where I had footsteps walking beside me, to the many months now where I have been alone and searching for the purpose to my existence, so many of you have been reading and supporting and reaching out to me through that journey.

But that part of this blog is over now. The search is over now.

Something new is about to unfold here.

My heart has been decimated so many times in my life where I have dared to feel love for another, and the most devastating of all was allowing myself to give it all completely as I embraced being a slave this year, only to end up wrecked once more.

I have been walking wounded and ever since. I didn’t trust my heart to love again; didn’t feel ready, like it was possible. Cold inside… afraid. My desire to serve hampered by the wound. So when I met him… I was not looking to serve. There was no desire, no motive. I came to him seeking a connection with someone else in his life, something else… and yet something happened. Something neither of us expected.

And those are the moments that really count, when you know things are meant to be.

I was so nervous, so afraid when I messaged him the first time. I remember clearly the emotion of it, the feeling of wanting his approval… in a way I can’t describe. He already had my respect; a great man who had achieved so much in his life, a boss of a wonderful family and partner to an equally incredible gentleman whom I’d found myself feeling affection for. Some tolerance of my presence was the most I had aimed for; outright rejection a very real fear.

“I am happy to welcome you, to explore whatever you like in safety and with care and respect from us all”

His words to me in the very first reply. Forever etched into my memory. It was like… an unexpectedly warm hug… one I didn’t know I had been looking for… one I didn’t know I needed… but into those arms I melted… and in that moment I found acceptance and peace.

It was only the beginning.

That first conversation took place one month ago; and in that time many of you have seen me changed, have seen me happy. It leaks out of me like rays of light behind clouds, and it has all been because of him.

We have journeyed together; we have found in each other the missing parts of what we hoped for and yet had started to believe we would never find. It unfolded to us unexpectedly… organically… naturally… romantically. He was not looking for another slave, and I was not coming to him to serve. And yet we fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, a picture now complete.

I have kept myself from saying anything sooner; to take a moment of privacy for ourselves as we began… to be his and enjoy that feeling alone. But now it is time to share my joy.

My friends. I have found my Master.

I have found the man I will serve the rest of my life.

You will learn much of him I’m sure; I cannot help but wish to continue recording the feelings of service, of submission, of letting myself be open and wearing my heart on my sleeve.

But now you will see what happens when a slave finds his Master; what happens when he is collared. When he finds his place. I am not collared yet - that is a moment to come. But a wonderful new start is happening for me and I am so happy… more than I can describe.

I’m so happy to make this post at last. Thank you for all your support, and I hope all pups searching for their owners take comfort that it will happen… just when it is meant to and with the right person.

I love you Master. I wake with thanks every day for serving you and I hope to always do you proud.

- Beast, November 2016.

Pictoral lyrics - Bjork, Generous Palmstroke from Vespertine 2001.

I’m sorry this relationship may feel like a garden you’ve been the only one really tending to. I didn’t think it would end up this way. When I agreed to embark on this journey with you, I was prepared to give you my all. I was filled with excitement and a curiosity that sometimes felt dangerous, only adding to the thrill you gave me with just a smile in my direction. So you could imagine my disappointment when as time went on, these feelings dulled. Believe me, darling. It wasn’t only you hurting, it isn’t only you hurting. I’ve been pressing myself for answers as to how I have nothing to give back to you in return for everything you’ve poured out. You’ve given me your heart but my hands don’t feel like the right ones to hold it, and no matter how much you profess, that feeling doesn’t change. We just don’t match in the way I thought we would. Dreamed we would. Hoped we would. Maybe I got too drunk on the idea of you. Maybe I should’ve taken more precaution and avoided losing myself in your eyes for a little while longer. Maybe we could’ve avoided this, but we didn’t. In some twisted way, I think that’s okay. I hope someday you’ll agree.
—  Maxwell Diawuoh, Request: Someone initiating a relationship with a crush but soon seeing that they aren’t as good for each other as they thought but now their crush has poured their heart out and they have nothing to give back.
Say Something

So usually my titles are more related, and I didddd have a more related one originally, but then I actually wrote the fic and I had to change the title because I feel like ‘say something I’m giving up on you’ was very relatable to some of the parts in this fic. Nothing else fit as well xD I’d imagine this only takes place a day or so after the episode ended, this would be the first time Omelia have properly talked.

All he wanted to do was flop down in the nearest on-call room, and sleep until his pager went off. He hoped that wouldn’t be for at least a couple of hours, but you never knew with ERs and trauma surgery, even more than any other speciality. You never knew. Hospitals were unpredictable, patients were unpredictable.

He headed down the hallway and ran a hand through his short ginger hair, letting out a sigh and stopping in front of an on-call room door. He pushed the door open and was almost at the point of switching on the light, just so he could find is path to the bed better, when he got a shock.

He wasn’t actually alone.

Keep reading

Insecure (MGG)

Warnings: depends on if you think nudity is awkward?
*insecure about yourself and why mgg is with you*

Your POV:
      Horrible thoughts were running through my head. I was home alone sitting, thinking, and being upset. ‘Why am I so ugly, why am I so gross, fat, disgusting. Why is he with me?’ God I hated this feeling in my stomach I got when I was really upset. Why does he want to be with me. I’m not like any of the other girls. I was fed up with my thoughts and decided to turn the TV on so my feelings would subside. Still my feelings were crushed, heart was cracking. God when will it end. I got up and started walking back and forth trying to think of something else. I went to my dog and petted on her to try to give me comfort. Nothing was working. Soon enough my emotions busted through my heart making me cry softly. I tried to calm myself down I tried to run my hands through my messy hair to try to give me some comfort. I swallowed my sobs and tried as hard as I could to hold back my tears. ‘Bath, yeah a bath might help’ I thought to myself as I ran up to the bedroom and walked into the bathroom and started to run a bath. I started to sprinkle epsom salt and then bubble bath into the water. I then put on some ocean waves to try to relax my nerves. 'Its okay, its okay, its okay’ 'Please God make it stop’ I said silently to myself in plead for help. I laid back into the bath and closed my eyes in attempts to help me not spill the warm tears. 'Breath Y/N breath, he can’t see me like this when he gets home’ I started to breath heavily, it was actually working!
*knock knock* I heard on the bathroom door. “Hey babe, you in there?” Oh he’s home… “Uh yeah, I’m just taking a bath’ I said my voice cracking but coving up the mistake by a cough. “Are you okay babe?” “Yes I’m fine, I’m just relaxing” I said trying to stop the tears that silently roll down my cheeks. 'Stop stop, he’s going to walk in’ “Can I get you anything?” “No, no I’m okay.” It was silent for a minute, I could tell he was still there, just listening “May I come in?” I quickly wiped my tears away, and splashed my face with water. “Yeah sure” I said trying to cover my body as well as I could with the bubbles. He opened the door slowly and have me a small smile. “ Hey baby” he greeted me. I forced a smile on my face and kissed his cheek while he leaned down. “Are your allergies bad today?” He asked “I don’t know why?” “Your eyes are just red” “Oh, yeah, my noise has been stuffy all day too.” I said playing off my crying as allergies. “So, what do you want for dinner? I could make us something or we could go out, out we could order take out what do you want?” I asked trying to turn the subject around. “Well, I’d like some Chinese food if you’re up to it?” “Yeah that sounds good, will you go order it for us while I get out?” I asked him as he stood up shaking his head up and down. He helped me stand up and then wrapped a towel around me and kissed my lips. He disappeared into the bedroom and started to order our food. 'Good thing he was so distracted that he thought it was my allergies.’ I walked into it closet going to the section that Matthew kept all of his warn t-shirts. I pulled on the one that was most warn, huge, and had the most faded colors. Those shirts always made me feel better. I pulled on some underwear, but not a bra, I’m too lazy for that. I finished drying off my hair and walked back into the bedroom where Matthew was laying on the bed on his phone. He noticed that I entered the room and smiled at me. I did a soft smile back and went to my side of the bed. “I love you in my shirts” he said add he got closer to my smaller figure. He spooned me and rubbed his hands on my hips smelling my hair. “You smell nice” “Thank you baby” he kissed my neck breathing in my sent more. Then the door bell rang signaling that the food was here. “Yay! I’m so hungry” I smiled as he ran like a little boy to the door and paid. I walked out to him and got us plates, waters, and forks. He started to put a layer by layer of food on his plate excitedly. I got a little on my plate 'I don’t need to eat a lot, I need to lose weight, I’m too fat’ “Babe, why don’t you get more? You love Chinese food” “I’m not really hungry, I atr lunch not too long ago.” I said playing it off like it was nothing. He nodded and went back to his food. “So how was your day, anything exciting happen around here?” “When has it ever been exciting around here when you’re gone at work?” I laughed a little at my comment “Your point is valid” he coninuted to wolf down his food and I ate all that was on my plate and then decided to turn the TV on for us to watch.

       He finally finished eating all of the food. 'That boy can eat’ I put our dishes in the washer and went back out to Matthew. He was laying on the couch almost asleep. I turned off the TV and told him to come up to bed. He complied and followed me up the stairs slowly. He pulled off his clothes to his boxers and got into bed. I tucked him into his side and then got into my side. He turned to face me and took my by the waist kissing my forehead before he slowly drifted to sleep. I wasn’t tired. I was still sad. He was so beautiful, so sweet, so kind. I swiped my thumb over his cheek pushing back his curls that feel onto his face. He was so handsome. He was too hot for me. The feeling came back in my stomach, I sighed and turned over, trying to get to sleep. I started to think of the things I hated about myself the things I swore I’d never speak about to Matthew. It would crush him too much, she how much of a mess I was. I slowly started to cry, 'I guess I should get up and go somewhere not to disturb him’ I slowly and quietly got up. I slipped into the guest bedroom and shut they door sliding my back down the door crying even harder now. I’ve grown upset, I’ve grown tired of my disgusting body, and soon Matthew would to. My wimpers got louder, I had to get a pillow just to contain them.
Matthews POV:
I woke up and felt the coldness of her side. Where was she? 'Hmmm’ I looked to the bathroom to see if the light was on, no she wasn’t there. Something is off with her today, I wonder what it is. Maybe she just feels sick? I got up and walked out of our bedroom. “Y/N?” I said in the darkness of the night. I saw the guest bedroom light on and went to inspect it. I knocked on the door. “Y/N? You in there? What’s wrong? Why aren’t you in bed? Do you feel okay?” There wasn’t a sound, just shuffling feet. I pushed the for open to see her figure in the guest bed. “Why are you in this bed? What did I do? If I said something mean in my sleep I’m sorry I didn’t mean it..” I trailed off thinking what I could’ve done wrong. She sniffled a little and I walked to her side. “Baby what’s wrong” I said softly rolling the covers away from her face, 'Why was she crying, what happened’ I was so upset now. I didn’t even notice that is was sadness in her smile sadness in her voice, sadness in her look. “Baby please tell me, what happened” I said stroking her hair almost crying myself. She just cried more and hugged my arm. I felt so bad for her, I felt so much guilt that I didn’t even notice it. I got into the bed, I hugged her frame tight, not letting go. “Shhh I’m sorry please tell me what has gotten you so upset” she just cried more and more and grabbed at her chest. She couldn’t really breath from crying so hard, “please calm down you can’t breath you’re hurting yourself please calm down please” I said my voice cracking now 'please” I said again quietly. She tried to breath deeply as I turned her around to face me. I wiped away some of the tears falling on her face. I started to kiss her cheek and run my fingers through her hair. I sat up a little and pulled her up with me, slowly rocking her and rubbing her back, I put her on my lap and tucked her head under my chin so I could rock her and kiss her head. She slowly stopped crying. “Please tell me what happened” “I’m just not good enough” she said her voice cracking up. “I’m fat Matthew, I’m ugly, I’m not smart I’m nothing, I just don’t have a purpose Matthew.” My heart slowly broke. It shattered into pieces. I had failed as a boyfriend. I’ve failed as a lover. “Baby, you're  beautiful. You’re not fat, your curves are beautiful, you’re so smart and you’re my everything baby, please believe me you have a purpose baby and you’re more than good enough.” I felt so much love in my heart that I couldn’t contain it. “Would you let me show you? How much you mean to me?” She nodded her head a little and I stripped off my shirt she had on, I left the room and came back with a sharpie. I kissed her lips, tenderly, sweetly, desperately. I started to kiss down her neck, down her chest, around her breasts, down her tummy, around her panties, and down her legs. “Baby I promise you, you’re so beautiful.” I opened the marker I started on her tummy 'beautiful, cute, adorable’ I wrote on her. I moved up to her chest 'sexy, beautiful, soft, good pillows, squishy’ I smiled lightly at that one, I lowered myself inbetween her legs 'hot, soft, nice hand warmer, smooth, sexy’. I pulled off her panties and wrote 'beautiful, sexy, lovely’ across the top of her lower region. She looked so beautiful laying there, I moved myself back up to her lips and kissed her, I took her hands in mine and I helped her up. I took her into the guest bath and took her in front of the mirror. I kissed her neck a bit and ran my hands down to her breasts and slowly cupped them, “these are beautiful, they are so sexy” I massaged them a bit and ran my hands down to her tummy, “this is cute and adorable” I took my hands down to her sex and cupped it. “This..” I started to kiss her jaw and neck “makes me crazy, so sexy and beautiful” “And these my beautiful girlfriend are beautiful and sexy.” I said rubbing my hands up and down her legs. She stood there with evey move I made, she finally smiled, she turned around and kissed me deeply.

Request if you want one❤

I’m a 34A. Growing up ive always felt like something was missing. Ive never felt grown, if that makes sense. Having small boobs makes me feel like I’m not women yet. I’m 18 so maybe yea I’m not a women yet. I question everything as to why my boobs never grew as much. Growing up I loved looking at other girls boobs. To be honest it turned me on, which led to the questioning on my sexuality. But anyways, I even asked God like why didn’t they grow, why couldn’t you give me this one thing that everyone else had…It’s so easy.
I’m a 34A and I love myself. But to feel complete, I know I will end up getting a boob job. And I’ll feel good about it because Ive known Ive worked hard for it. And I’ll feel normal. I’ll feel like I’m how I’m suppose to be now. Normal.

A Rant

Why does sadness hollow out your bones and refill your skeleton with heavy piles of stones so lifting your head takes more energy than anyone could know and no one believes you because the stones don’t show.
Why does sadness droop your face so profoundly why can’t I even fake a smile lately why does it have to hurt like I’ll never remember the joy of family or friends or the feeling of loved ones arms in your hands as you pull them close and feel comfort once again.
Why do I have to feel this way it’s not normal yet here it is and here it stays it’s been so long since I’ve had one whole day where I didn’t stop and be sad once again.
When will it end when will the sadness give up its mission to upend my life as I desperately root myself down in the ground trying to fix up the things that sad-me breaks down.
When will I not feel this sadness
When will it go
When will I be free
Does anyone know?

Feeling accomplished

So earlier this month I signed on to do a freelance project for this amazing branding agency. It was supposed to end Friday but my boss liked the way I worked so much that she ended up keeping me and is giving me more work. I’m beyond proud of myself and finally feel like I’ve accomplished something. Last year was the hardest year of my life, very mentally challenging with me suffering with bad anxiety and now that I have this freelance job I feel so accomplished! I’m so proud of myself : ) I’m in an extremely difficult industry career wise and getting this gave me such a boost of confidence. 

Take my hand and drag me back to where we were. I don’t want to let you go but I woke up this morning and found that you were the last person that I wanted to talk to. I guess I had to move on eventually. Who would have thought it would make me feel so selfish? I wanted to be everything you needed. I guess that just makes me stupid. Please, don’t let me go. Please, come back for me. Please, take me home again.
—  Pathetic and desperate
Dear Heart,

Dear Heart,
I think it’s pretty messed up that you play target practice with our emotions
You never hit the right one and we end up in pain
I feel sorry for you
I envy every beat you give to those who are undeserving
I wish you had ears to know that they don’t beat back
The truth is you stand alone
And I’m all that stands between you and total annihilation
I wish you weren’t so innocent and soft
People kill hearts of that sort first
And I have died too many times for you to keep up this foolishness.
Heart, I love to see you smile but I hate to pay the price.
Stop forgiving every mistake and mistaking bruises for love bites
They are aquired in completely different ways and I am left unsatisfied.
Dear heart,
I know this is hard for you but can you please just be on my team for once
Jump off my sleeve and return to my rib cages
They will protect you
They’ll shield your soft spots and be your armor
Stop searching for someone outside of me to protect you
Lean on me
Be mine for once.
Completely mine.
Let me be the jealous lover that holds you precious.
Dear Heart,
Recognise that he won’t ever love you like I do.
He doesn’t want to.