and so i end up giving myself feels

Cigarettes

Inhale

The air stings the back of my throat

It’s no longer pure air

There’s nicotine

And false hope


Exhale

And smoke comes whirling out

Allowing me to forget the days

Where everything was real

And I could never escape


Inhale

Destroying my lungs

Killing myself

One breath at a time

And they all told me death is beautiful


Exhale

A shaky breath out

The smoke now fighting against the wind

Running back

And stinging my eyes


Inhale

Bring the stick to your lips

And breathe in the poison

It feels so calming

To know you’re ruining everything


Exhale

Try to end the addiction

But the control’s too good

And why would I give up

The one thing I can use to destroy myself?

What are you supposed to do when you are falling in love with someone, and your whole body is being drained. What are you supposed to do when you feel yourself losing your sanity because you feel so empty by the end of the day. How are you supposed to explain how you feel to someone who feels no where close to how you feel about them. I’m loosing myself trying to love him. I’m losing my sanity, because I’m so caught up with him. I wait by my phone, waiting for another text, and it’s never quite fast enough. I feel like I care more, I feel like I want this more, and I feel like he doesn’t give a fuck what happens to us. I feel like i bother him constantly, I feel like I annoy him every time I overreact. I feel like he’s soon going to get sick of my uncertainty of myself. Eventually he’s going to forget the reasons why he ever fell for me in the first place. I’m waiting for this heart break to come, just like our over due earth quake.

I know this is absolute shit and looks like it was made by a 7-year-old instead of a 24-year-old. I’m not an artist by any definition, but I still wanted to do something to celebrate because he means a lot to me, so I just kinda did this on my whiteboard last night. (Don’t know why I didn’t just stick to paper, honestly. Would’ve looked better and been so much easier to deal with.) Anyway, I’ve only been following the channel for about 5 months, and the podcast about 2 months, but it didn’t take me long to get hooked. Ethan’s content has been one of my biggest coping mechanisms these past few months. I was working a job I hated, the living situation at the apartment I shared with my friends had changed, and I couldn’t afford my loans on top of rent and my other bills, so I recently had to move out of town and back in with my parents, which has put me away from all of my friends. All these circumstances, on top of the anxiety and depression I already feel on a normal basis, quickly sent me in a downward spiral. But Ethan’s stuff has been giving me something to look forward to every day, something to smile and laugh at. And his words have often given me more motivation and made me feel better about myself. Even though I haven’t been here since the beginning, and I wish I had been cause he’s wonderful, I’m still so happy to see how far he’s come the past 5 years and all he’s accomplished and what he’s going to accomplish. He deserves it. And despite all of it, he’s still such a humble, sweet, genuine, honest, giving, caring, and compassionate person, and still full of enthusiasm, passion, love, and determination towards his work and his fans. I know this got kind of rambly and ended up being long, so sorry, but I just want to say, congratulations, Ethan. We’re all so proud of everything you’ve done and will continue to do. I’m honored to be able to share this part of your journey with you. Thank you so much for being you and doing what you do. You are so important. 💙
- Anne

this is a long, heavy post, but ive wanted to make it for a while. i hope if you or someone you know has been in an abusive situation, it may help.

when you are abused, the true ramifications of this abuse do not manifest themselves until you are much older.

when you are abused (in any form) as a young person, your first gut instinct will be to turn down therapy/counselling. you might do this because you do not feel you need it, or you do not want to talk about what happened. you need to push past this.

when we experience abuse as young people, we may feel like it was ‘no big deal’. we may compare ourselves to other victims and feel that we are not as bad as them, so that means we are okay. you may feel okay. you may be a young person reading this right now, thinking ‘well, i feel okay.’

i know you do. we all feel like that we’re younger.

you will get older and your untreated abuse will manifest in your life, your body and your emotions. you may develop terrible habits. your body may start to react in strange ways. you may have to struggle with seemingly unexplained bouts of nausea and vomiting as a reaction to ‘normal’ events that have connections to your abuse. you may develop mental health issues and will not understand why. you may grow angry and withdrawn, or deeply depressed for seemingly no reason.

then on one terrible night, you will connect the dots and realise that although you felt invincible as a young person, your abuse affected you.

if therapy is offered to you or you can find it, go to it. abuse does not go away or magically resolve itself. no amount of pretending you are okay will take away what happened. it may hurt to revisit our old wounds, but it is the only way to heal.

it is never to late to heal. if you are an adult who refused therapy and you are struggling, get yourself there, find help, and heal. and if you are a young person reading this, please strongly consider therapy, even if you do not feel you need it.

even if you feel like your abuse did not affect you, let people in. give yourself the chance to heal. do not let your abuser take even more of your life than they already have.

let yourself heal.

To Jungkook, there’s no such thing as love. pt.5 End

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst

Word count: 2,090

[pt.1] [pt.2] [pt.3] [pt.4] [pt.5End]


Originally posted by totallyyehet

Here he was, sat on my sofa with a glass of water in his hands. Why was he here? I don’t have a clue. Why did I open my door for him? I don’t know why I did either. Maybe it was the way he was looking at the door when I looked through the peephole, or maybe it was the way he was punching the door with his fists, demanding that I’d open the door for him. Or maybe even the way his voice wavered as he stuttered calling out to me. ‘Y/N ah! Please just please open the door, let me see you, let me talk to you.’ So I guess that’s how I ended up opening the door because my heart wouldn’t let me do otherwise. I was looking at him from the kitchen door, leaning against the frame of it, pondering to myself. 

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Breaking Up Sentence Starters

The Break Up

  • “So, is this it?”
  • “I don’t want this to be the end.”
  • “There’s no middle ground, either we’re going to work on this or we’re not.”
  • “So you’re just giving up? That’s it? The end?”
  • “I don’t know if I can do this.”
  • “I just can’t handle the distance anymore.”
  • “I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you.”
  • “This is why I don’t get invested, this is why I don’t let myself get close to people. Everyone decides I’m too broken and they leave.”
  • “If you’re going to break my heart, you don’t get to lean on me anymore. You don’t get to talk to me anymore, and you sure as hell don’t get to expect me to feel sorry for you.”
  • “I don’t want you in my life anymore.”
  • “You’re just too damaged.”
  • “I’m not an asshole, I swear I’m not, I just…”

The Aftermath

  • “Are you serious? He/she/they broke up with you over fucking text?”
  • “I guess I’m just too fucked up.”
  • “Maybe I don’t deserve to be loved. Maybe I’m broken and unlovable.”
  • “You deserve better than that asshole anyway.”
  • “Honestly, I saw this coming from a mile away.”
  • “I dunno, I guess from an outside perspective it just always seemed like you were bending over backwards for him/her/them and he/she/they would never do the same for you.”
  • “I mean, whatever. Fuck it. At least now I can do what I want with my life without any strings.”
  • “At least he/she/they never met my family, so I don’t have to deal with any of that bullshit.”
  • “Of course it hurts, and of course I’m upset, but maybe I’m just… better off?”
  • “I’m serious, if he/she/they couldn’t handle that you were struggling, fuck him/her/them. You deserve better.”
10

top 50 otps of all time ☆ #45. Peyton Sawyer & Jake Jagielski 

“Yes, losing your heart’s desire is tragic, but gaining your heart’s desire? That’s all you can hope for. This year I wished for love … to immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted and if having that is tragic, then give me tragedy because I wouldn’t give it back for the world.”

Detention - Theo Raeken

Requested by @ayee-styleHi!Can u do one with Theo and the reader where the 2 of them have this tension and everyone knows it.but both of them has had a heated kiss b4 and a few days after she sees Theo with Tracey being too friendly towards each other then the reader gets angry but doesnt want to lose her pride so she pretends like she doesn’t care.You can end it how u feel is bestANYWAYS idk if there is something out there like this request but if there is and u choose not to write it can u give me some links?Thx ily!

Word Count: 3,977

Proofread: No

Warnings: None.

Author’s Note: Okay, so this came out longer than I planned because I couldn’t help myself with all the flirting and then fluff. I love a fluffy Theo, haha. Also, I changed it up a little bit, I hope you don’t mind.

[My Teen Wolf Master List]

Originally posted by stilinski-jpeg

I looked up from my textbook to see Theo walking in the library. It was like a scene from one of the many rom-com movies I’ve seen where everything suddenly seemed to go in slow motion as my heartbeat increased by the second. He didn’t have a backpack or any books on his hands, clearly he not prepared to be at the library. Yet, he somehow made that look cool and it made him seem like such a bad boy.

Theo walked up to the circulation desk and talked to the librarian, Mrs. Walker. It’s moments like this where I wished I had werewolf hearing to find out why he was here. He seemed so intrigued by the young librarian. Sadly, our librarian wasn’t some old lady with a full head of white hair. She wore huge, ugly bifocal framed glasses with a pretty jewel chain around her neck incase her glasses fell.

Nope. Our librarian was young and hot. She was slim, wore high heels with her tight pencil skirts. She had long dirty blonde hair and she styled it with beautiful, big waves or tied it back in a high ponytail. She made either look absolutely flawless, along with her make-up. When I grow up, I wanted to be just like her, the woman the guys couldn’t keep their eyes off of.

My eyes flickered back to Theo. He was wearing tight black jeans, a white V-neck shirt underneath his grey hoodie. It was a causal outfit and it showed off his amazing fit figure. I closed my legs together as I began to wonder what he must look like shirtless. I imagine his chest broad and tight with washboard abs, the kind you can’t keep your hands off of.

I felt my eyes ready to pop out as Theo turned around and locked eyes with mine. I quickly looked down at my textbook, hoping the ground would swallow me whole since I was clearly busted from admiring him.

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I should just give up. I tried for so long to make myself feel better, but it’s never going to be better. Maybe I won’t end it today or tomorrow, but I know that one day I will end my life. I just can’t do this anymore and no one will care. It’s just me, so why would someone care? I’m worthless, not good enough, not pretty and not thin. Everyone can replace me. It’s sad, but that’s the truth.

blacksmithgendry  asked:

arya x gendry and impending parenthood worries pls

“Oh my god, your brothers are going to murder me.”

For a brief moment, Arya thought that Gendry was being a little melodramatic, but then she thought of what Robb and Jon had done after they’d found out that Sansa’s ex-boyfriend had hit her and… Okay, maybe he had a fair point. Her big brothers are a tad overprotective.

It wasn’t a bad thing – Arya herself had slashed the tires of the boy’s Ferrari out of spite – but things were a little different when it came to her. They knew that she could take care of herself just fine. No boy was ever going to treat her badly or there would be a reckoning before her brothers even knew what happened. They let her handle most of her problems on her own, only stepping in or offering advice if she asked. Jon was especially good at that, not being as nosy as Robb, which was why she often went to her half brother for everything.

This though was something entirely different and she didn’t really know what to expect, much less know how they would react. It wasn’t like Gendry had hurt her or anything – in fact, it was quite the opposite – but things were definitely going to be awkward. Super awkward. Now that she was thinking about her brothers, her mind drifted to the rest of her family and horror finally began to set in. What were her parents going to say?

In front of her, Gendry paced the small living room back and forth. His apartment wasn’t much to speak of, but it was a step up from the studio he’d lived in when they had first met. First of all, he had actual, separate rooms with doors. Still, she knew that it made him uncomfortable sometimes considering the size of the house that she had grown up in. The first time he’d met her parents for dinner at their home, his eyes had gone so wide that she’d laughed. He hadn’t thought it was very funny; he had looked like he was ready to bolt and kept tugging on his clothes the entire night.

However, unlike then, Arya didn’t really know what to do to soothe him now. She felt equally helpless. All she could do was sit on the couch and watch him, feeling both numb and flabbergasted at the same time. No one would ever accuse her of being quiet, but for once in her life, she was speechless and didn’t know what to say at all. She’d never expected to be in a situation like this before. Everyone had so many ideas about where they would be in their life when something like this happened and this was…not it.

To be honest, she’d never given it much thought before, which left her feeling even more adrift.

Finally, after running his fingers through his hair for what had to have been the twentieth time, Gendry paused and turned to face her. His face was pink. Of course he would be blushing now. “I, ah, I thought you were on…”

“I was!” Arya exclaimed indignantly. “I am! I don’t know how–” And then, after hours of wondering and flailing in confusion, it hit her. It hadn’t even occurred to her before. Her face slowly began to match his, just as pink. “Remember when I had a sinus infection?”

“Yeah,” Gendry replied slowly. “You were miserable. Kept saying you were dying. I spoon-fed you the spicy chicken noodle soup from the Thai restaurant down the street from your place.”

Arya didn’t think she had been that bad, but then, she couldn’t really remember. She’d been on a lot of medication and she was kind of a brat whenever she got sick. It was the only time she would ever let her mother fuss over her when she was a child. “Well, I was taking antibiotics and sometimes those can…mess with it – you know, make it ineffective.”

“Oh.”

Silence fell over them. Arya continued to watch Gendry as he looked away from her. For some reason, now that he was still, she was beginning to feel even antsier than when he was pacing the room. She wished that he’d say something – do something – anything, but he just stood there, lost in thought.

When he finally came to, he took a deep breath and sat down next to her, taking her hands in his. They were so large compared to her tiny ones. She loved his hands though, so rough and calloused and always seemingly dirty from his work at the mechanic shop no matter what he did to clean them. “So what do you want to do?”

“I…” Arya felt her throat close up and she looked down at his hands, unable to handle the bright blueness of his eyes. “I don’t know. I mean, I wasn’t expecting this and I wasn’t planning on this happening any time soon, but–” She shook her head. “I don’t know.”

She peeked up at him, but he wasn’t looking at her anymore. There was a strained expression on his face. It was the one he got whenever he was thinking really hard or stressed out, which he was most definitely doing both of right now. But then, without warning, the strained expression faded away and was replaced by something she didn’t expect: shame and fear.

“I’m with you in whatever you decide. You know that, right? I will back you up.” Gendry pulled one hand away from hers so that he could rub his face tiredly. “I know I’m not…” He sighed. “Look, Arya, I know I’m not the best catch, okay? I’ve got a good job, but there are times when I feel like I’m barely making ends meet and I can’t always give you what you deserve. I’ve never been to college. I live in a dumpy apartment and my car only runs because I can fix it myself. I would completely understand if you didn’t…”

Arya jerked her other hand out of his grip, causing him to look up, and glared at him heatedly. “This isn’t about you or what kind of ‘catch’ you are. I wouldn’t be with you – I wouldn’t even be in this position with you – if I didn’t, you know, love you.” She was not one for flowery speeches or talking about her emotions, but hell, sometimes they needed to be said in order to get them through his thick skull. “I’m with you, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, but it’s one thing to date someone, Arya,” Gendry told her, “but it’s quite another to have a kid with them.” His tone was neither cruel or hurt; it just…was. Matter-of-fact, like that was the way life worked. “I would know. My father didn’t stick around for longer than a week after he found out my mother was pregnant.”

“Are you planning to leave?” Arya questioned.

“No, of course not!” Gendry protested.

“Then what are you getting at?” Arya folded her arms across her chest and folded in on herself, like she was protecting herself from something. “Am I…?” She bit her lip, the fear suddenly very real for her now that she was thinking about it. She’d never been afraid as far as Gendry was concerned before. He was always so consistent and there for her, even when they’d just been friends. “Do you not want to have a kid with me?”

“Arya,” Gendry sighed in such a soft voice that she couldn’t help but lean forward so that she could bury her face in his chest. How did he manage to get her like this so easily when everyone else struggled with her? “I would do anything for you. I would do anything with you. I can’t imagine it being someone else. I just… I don’t know. I’d hoped I could offer you more before then and that it wouldn’t be at such a bad time for you.”

Of course he was thinking of her with such little regard to himself. She was only nineteen and a sophomore in college with a part-time job. Right now, pregnancy was the last thing that she needed added to her plate. She was living in a two bedroom apartment with her childhood friend Mycah out of stubbornness since she wanted to prove that she could take care of herself. But adding a child to the mix would change everything.

“I feel like I threw a wrench in your life plans,” Gendry mumbled.

She knocked him in the chest with a fist. “You didn’t get me pregnant on your own, you know. If I recall, I kind of threw myself at you the second I was feeling better.”

When Gendry pressed his face into the top of her head, she could feel him smiling. “You were very insistent.” He took a breath and they both pulled away slightly so that they could look at one another. “So what do we do?”

“I don’t know,” Arya repeated, feeling helpless again. “But whatever it is, we’ll do it together, right?”

“I’m not going to leave you,” Gendry told her firmly. “Whatever it takes – whatever you need – I’ll do it. I’ll get a second job or one that pays better, even if it’s shit. I’ll save up. I’ll go to every doctor’s appointment with you, even if–” A determined look came over him. “I’m not going to be like my dad. I’ll be there with you every step of the way. I’ll be better. I swear.”

“You’re an idiot if you don’t think you already are,” Arya said. It definitely wasn’t the sweetest thing in the world to say, but it made him smile.

She knew that he meant every word though. The first thing she’d ever figured out about him years ago when they first met, back when she was twelve and he was fifteen, was that he was hard-working. She’d never known someone his age to already have a job. The kids she went to school with got their first car before they got their first job. Gendry though was different. He fought for every scrap that he owned and for everything in his life. She could understand that. And she knew that he would do the same now.

For the first time in days, Arya felt at ease and like she could breathe again.

anonymous asked:

Ragnarok brought back my Brodinson feels so I was wondering if you could recommend any fics that really nail their whole sibling dynamic?

oh boy. One of my favorite genres! I read a lot of this, and have written a fair amount myself (what is shameless self promotion) so here’s a selection of what I’ve come up with. 

No Such Liberty by Xparrot

Following the attack on New York, Thor takes Loki back to Asgard in chains; but this does not mean that the god of mischief’s schemes are ended, or that Thor has or ever will give up on his brother. But when Thanos threatens the realm to claim his lost prizes, on which side will Loki fall?

Freefall by galaxysoup

Loki falls. Thor catches him. This does not solve as many problems as Thor thought it would. (Has a sequel.)

Weary and Wary by Erin_A2

More than anything else, Loki is tired.

AKA: In which Loki would like little more than to sleep his life away in his Asgardian prison cell, whereas Thor would very much prefer to talk about their feelings.

Flying from the blast by belmanoir (series)

Thor and Loki go on the run together post-Avengers, road-trip across Australia, and get family therapy. Then Loki is captured by S.H.I.E.L.D., and the Avengers assemble.

in her garden grew hyacinths by LadyCharity (major character death)

There is a tapestry that hung on Frigga’s wall for as long as Thor can remember. He won’t admit it, but the sight of it makes him want to cry.

Jacob and Esau say their goodbyes by LadyCharity (major character death)

After Svartalfheim, Loki is still alive. In the end, it changes nothing.

In which Thor hurts, Loki loves, and Jane learns how to lie.

Four Days With Lazarus by LadyCharity

When the sky falls, he reaches for his brother.

Hospitality by Mikkeneko

When Loki reappears after a three-month absence and invites his brother on a new adventure, Thor has no reason to suspect anything is amiss. Written for a prompt on Norsekink requesting a retelling of the lay of the giant Geirröd, from the Thorsdrapa.

Bargaining by proantagonist

Faced with an eternity without his brother, Loki strikes a bargain to change the past. Post TDW.

Recalibrating by KhamanV (post-Ragnarok)

At the end of it all, the brothers are changed and are still changing. In large ways, and sometimes very small ones.

the end is where we start from by 100indecisions (post-Ragnarok)

“If you were really here,” Thor says with his painfully familiar half smile, “I might give you a hug.“

over the edge of all our knowing by grim_lupine (post-Ragnarok, marked as pre-slash but reads as gen)

A week into their tragic, limping journey through space, Loki finds himself coming face-to-face with his most dangerous foe: boredom.

As it turns out, it’s difficult to fill your day so thoroughly you can’t think, even when you’re sticking to your best behavior and helping heal, and rebuild, and making sure your brother doesn’t forget he has only one eye and trip through a window into space somewhere.

Really, it’s probably in everyone’s best interest that Loki find something to do. When he’s bored, he schemes; and it’s possible he’s come to terms with the fact that his sense of appropriate scale is, at times, lacking.

put out the flames by finalizer (post-Ragnarok)

Thor has his doubts, but he takes Loki back to Earth. Somehow, it gets easier from there.

better stop and rebuild all your ruins by ohliamylia (post-Ragnarok)

Thor and Loki regroup. Immediate post-movie tag.

AND BY ME, CAUSE I CAN’T RESIST

untangle your wings and fly to a sheltered sky by Lise

There are fire giants in Asgard. Thor would really like an explanation, but he needs Loki to stop dying first.

Keeping Time by Lise

Thor keeps a mental count of the days since he last saw Loki. Just in case.

Wistful still, and still aspiring by Lise

Loki feels like he might be losing himself, sometimes. When that happens, he goes wandering.

Or, he calls it wandering. Really, he always ends up in the same place.

Road to Nowhere by Lise

When Loki turns up demanding Thor’s help on a quest to retrieve the All-Mother from Valhalla, Thor isn’t about to say no. But that doesn’t mean he’s forgotten anything, and what better time than a road trip through the backwaters of the universe for trying to talk things out?

who’s left and who’s leaving by Lise

Thor decides he’s about done with letting Loki get himself hurt and pretending he’s okay with it. Loki’s got two feet of steel through his lungs and is finding it difficult to argue. Family therapy, at its finest.

There May Be Better Brothers (But You’re the Only One That’s Mine) by Lise

Loki believed that at its most simplistic, there were two choices in any given situation: the smart choice, and the Thor choice. Very seldom did the two overlap. Very, very seldom. Or: Thor gets himself into trouble. Loki gets him out of it. This is embarrassing.

In five years time,
I see myself sitting in the local
café of wherever I end up.
Sipping on a cup of bitter coffee
I’ll learn to like the taste of because
high blood sugar runs in the family.
Take it with a side of croissant,
and a good book.

My notebook and pen resting just
in case I get the urge to write about
some aesthetic this window seat view
is giving me. Some vibe that the
coffeehouse playlist is setting.
Some feeling that I’m not so lonely
in a place I don’t even know about yet.
How I want to be in a place I don’t even
know about yet.

How am I writing about a place I don’t
know about yet? How am I supposed to
get to a place I don’t know about yet?
I’m not sure.

But I know I’m trying to get to a
place where the coffee is good
enough for me to like coffee.
And the music is making me feel
some type of way about myself,
and how I got there.
Where writing just comes naturally,
and the pen doesn’t feel so heavy in
my hand, and the words are as light
and flaky as the croissant in my other.

Where I don’t have to write about
imagining myself in places I know are
better than here, but don’t know where
to find them yet.

—  “Coffee date in the making”
remnant-thoughts

The Big 4: Mommy, Daddy, how did you meet?

Jerza

Jellal: W-well, we -

Erza: We were childhood friends!

Jellal: Yes, that’s good, listen to your mother … 

Gajevy

*Gajeel stares into the distance in horror while Levy quickly changes the subject*

Nalu

Natsu: Well, it was sort of a coincidence. We ended up in the same town and your mom bought me food so I had to give her a hand when she almost got tricked into this sex trafficking ring and - 

Lucy: NATSU, WHAT THE HELL!!!

Gruvia

Gray: Your mother blatantly refused to leave me alone until I finally admitted my feelings to myself and her.

Juvia: ~~ It was so romantic! ~~

I like affection but I don’t like being smothered in it to the point where I feel like I’m choking, however, I also want a wife, kids & some dogs some day but I have a real problem with people getting close to me thanks to my defensive mentality & my deep rooted issues. I can feel deeply to the point it terrifies me so I force myself to feel nothing and I tend to feel everything or nothing in the wrong situations. I love girls but also refuse to give any a chance because I slyly hate them at the same time. I like being left alone & unbothered in the comfort den I call my room but I also like being away from home for days on end with people I heavy vibe with doing new things & ending up in unforeseen situations. I’ve grown accustomed & comfortable with my solitude even though I feel it in my soul that I wasn’t supposed to be this way. I am a walking talking breathing contradiction.

Never Will I Ever

Summary: You’d waited years to get your soulmark, and when you finally did you realized that you’d never get to meet him.

Word count: 2284

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Genre: Angst with a happy ending

Warnings: Angsty

Author’s Note: So this was an idea that I’d had anyway BUT it wasn’t in the plans to be out anytime soon. However, yesterday I found myself on the receiving end of some hate, telling me to give up on writing because I wasn’t good and that I should delete my blog. Instead it fueled me to write this. So, to that anon, thanks for the motivation! And a big thank you to all of you who have been very supportive, it means a lot. Now, I feel like this started out strong but got a little weak near the end, for that I apologize, its 5am and I’m tired…If anyone wants a part 2 let me know and I can absolutely do it.

Tags: @emilyevanston, @goody2shoessmut

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What it’s Like to Be Bisexual

About the flag

The bisexual flag was created on December 5, 1998 by Michael Page. Page felt that although the rainbow flag was great, that bisexuals deserved a flag of their own. The pink/magenta stripe represents same-sex attraction, the blue stripe represents opposite-sex attraction and the lavender stripe represents attraction to both.

What does bisexual mean?

To me bisexuality is the potential to be able to love two or more genders.

Myths and Misconceptions:

  • People thinking bisexuality is just a sexual thing and reacting to you coming out in the same way they’d react to you randomly saying you have a foot fetish or bondage kink.
  • People have stereotypes about you that you sleep around a lot and won’t have a solid stable relationship for a long time and think you’re really sexual
  • People often think that bisexual people cannot like non binary or trans persons. They are wrong!! Whatever the two or more gender identities a bi person is attracted to is not exclusively within the gender binary.
  • Another one is “Aren’t you just half gay and half straight?” NOOOOO I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I’VE HAD TO REPEAT THAT NO.
  • One of the most common myths is that bisexuals are always down for a threesome. No. NO.

What is it like to be bisexual?

  • Being bi is awesome for several reasons, but I think the best one is that your options are open; you can date almost anyone. Of course, it sucks when you realise that literally everyone else in your town is straight, but hey, I got over it pretty quickly xD. I’m only out to certain people irl, but to pretty much everyone online, and the latter have always been supportive (at least the ones whom opinions matter to me), which I’m very grateful for. However, the people I’ve come out to irl didn’t take it that well. My parents (especially my dad) are still getting over it, and besides them, only three of my friends know. My best friend was weirded out, but doesn’t really give a s*** anymore, and my two other friends were very surprised, one almost vomited (rude, but whatever). I don’t really care what they think, I’m me and have no intent on changing, so they can either accept me for who I am or gtfo of my life, please and thank you. It didn’t make a big difference when I accepted that I’m bi, I was finally able to relate my feelings to something. Also realise that I’ve had a crush on one of my friends (none of the ones above) for several years now, but that’s a story for another day.
  • I thought I was straight for a long time but girls always made me nervous and I didn’t know why. I thought it was because I didn’t relate to them but it turns out those were nervous crushy feels, not outsider feels! I’m so happy to have come to terms. I’m still figuring it out because even though it was under the surface for a long time I didn’t “come out” to myself until after I met my male partner.
  • You don’t just get nervous around the same or opposite sex, YOU ARE NERVOUS AROUND EVERYBODY IT SUCKS
  • I’m a 21 year old dude from Cincinnati. I’m bisexual. I’m mostly closeted and there’s only a few of my friends I’ve come out to. I’m afraid to tell my parents because they will probably kick me out of the house or maybe worse. I was raised Baptist so I was always told homosexuality was a “sin” and I suppressed my sexuality for a long time. I was afraid of what would happen if I told people. I know I saw many students in all years of school who were openly gay and they were bullied and harassed nearly every day. It’s not until about 4 years ago that I finally realized/accepted I was bi. And I’m not exactly sure how it’s affected me so far. I censor myself around people who I’m not out to. And I know that they would be supportive. But there is still that stigma and all that harassment I’ve seen. I fear coming out. I’m privileged in a way. If I want to hide my sexuality I can. I can simply pretend to be straight. But that forces me to suppress the other half of myself. And I guess sometimes I feel a little bit trapped.
  • What it’s like to be bisexual:
    • Making a s*** ton of bi puns
    • Making bi jokes
    • Constantly being invalidated
    • Never knowing if you can be open even when talking to someone from the LGBT+ community
    • Crying because there’s no representation
    • Lesbian and gay individuals always talk over us when discussing issues regarding the bi community
    • No one ever talks about bisexuals who aren’t attracted to the binary genders
    • Answering no to the “Are you straight?” and “Are you gay then?” questions and not offering more explanation for fun
    • I don’t think I have ever seen the bs of “Do I date my female crush or male crush?” dilemma irl
    • Wanting to scream “bisexual” or “bisexuality” when someone treats these words like they’re dirty and shouldn’t be uttered.
    • Saying “I’m gay” even though you technically are not.
    • Your parents/older people saying that it would just be easier to say you were gay instead of bi
  • I’m still trying to figure it out, it can be confusing. I’ve grown up in my home and in an environment that tells me you’re either gay or you’re straight. So I always felt confused as to why I liked guys, but also liked girls. I’m out to only my closest friends. And I’m still coming to terms with it. The best advice I can offer is that you have to be patient with your self discovery.
  • When you crush on/get into a relationship with someone and you aren’t out to them yet, you’re constantly afraid to tell them you’re bi because of biphobia in both the gay and straight communities.
  • So I’m bisexual bi the way and it’s taught me about how I view relationships and how I view gender roles. I currently have a boyfriend, and have had feelings for boys and girls in the past. I won’t let my bf buy our meals every time we go out; we both buy each other flowers. I think there’s less pressure for either of us to fit into a certain role (sometimes we like to be traditional, not always). It’s just nice to be us.
  • What it’s like to be a young bisexual
    • They say I’m gay when I’m with girls and straight when I’m with guys
    • Starting to doubt my attraction to one gender when I’m with someone of the other
    • People waiting for you to come out as your “real” sexuality
    • Having to come out even if people know the gender of your partner
    • Feeling to straight for the LGBTQ community but not straight enough for everyone else
    • After you come out they still assume your partner is one of the other gender unless you say they’re not
  • I’m a bi trans guy. Coming out into a very supportive environment, with my peers anyway, was quite a relief. For a while I called myself nonbinary and queer. Before I came out, many of my supportive friends assumed I was pan. It was hard when I was first questioning my sexuality at first I wanted to call myself but that was before my transition and all of the bi girls I saw were called fake and I didn’t want to be grouped with them. For a while I set aside my sexuality to question my gender. My “lesbo mom” as I like to call her, was so proud of me. Coming out to my father has been a rollercoaster of good and bad, he still won’t let me come out to my little half sisters. My mom is mostly supportive, but we’ve fought more. She has let me come out to some extended family. Questioning my sexuality was difficult because for a while my attraction towards guys was basically gone for a long while. Me being me, I came out to my friends by deepthroating a cucumber. There was a lot of “impressives” going around and one person said “I thought you were into ladies”. To which I replied “I’m flexible”.
  • My life as a bisexual person has been interesting. I’ve faced discrimination from within and outside of the community, but I’ve loved finding people who understand that I just love and am attracted to human beings of all gender identities!
  • What is it like to be bisexual? Great, I love it. Also a lot of people will give hate so be careful. Ttyl bi.
  • When I was younger I had no idea that bisexualty existed. I thought that I had to be either straight or gay. I was confused and scared. I tried and tried to force myself to be straight and every time I was attracted to a girl I’d end up feeling worse and worse about myself. That changed when I found the online community. I learned about bisexuality. I learned that other people feel the same way that I do. It was incredibly validating. It still took a very long time to fully accept myself, considering I’d done so much to change how I felt. Of course, as much as online communities were great, there was the whole bi discourse. That kinda set me back a ways in feeling good about my orientation, especially because I was a lot more comfortable with my attraction to men, since I never policed myself on that. Outside of online, I was super lucky to have people be mostly accepting. My coming out to my group of friends started a chain reaction of everyone in the group feeling comfortable to come out as some LGBT+ orientation. My mom had no idea and did nothing but apologize for using gay as a slur for months after I came out. When I came out to my dad he made it clear that he still expected me to end up with a man, and that hurt. Which reminds me, I hate how much the LGBT+ community as a whole prioritizes my attraction to women, while straight society prioritizes my attraction to men. I’m bi. Neither my attraction to men or to women defines me. My attraction to more than one gender defines that part of me. And it also overlooks that I can be attracted to people who aren’t men and aren’t women as well.

Tips for being bisexual:

  • I always like dropping little hints, like I’d wear bracelets in the colors of the flag, or paint my nails, or wear earrings with the pattern, small things like that. So far, people are oblivious to it, but I’m not surprised. I live in an in-the-middle-of-nowhere country, where people are just now being introduced to gay people, so bi’s don’t exist for them. I’m waiting for the day someone will notice though xD.
  • Make your boundaries and what you want in relationships clear. Really I think that’s a good tip for anyone of any orientation, but for bisexuality, with there being so much misunderstanding around it, you have to make a lot of effort to clarify things, so if you’re upfront about things it can make everything a little easier on you.

Contributions by:

@g-l-i-t-t-e-r

@enyaamoon

@havemypanties

@fluidityproblems

@victorianerafanatic1

@the-bi-pineapple

@taylorharmonies

@a-polite-melody

@bailee-sans-lover

@gender-fluid-flower

I only ever want to live as my true genuine self. But it’s so hard in this day’s society where portraying an image is so much easier and yet so difficult to maintain. It’s unfulfilling. What kind of life stops you from doing things that you want to do because it’s “not like you”? Defy peoples thoughts, never blend in, be the person that never wastes a moment conforming to societies expectations. Be weird and wonderful and feel alive - because in the end none of it matters, nobodies opinions about you matter. Life’s too short to give a damn. 

4

Imagine: George not knowing how he truly feels about you until he sees Ron flirting with you.

For: Anon

You walk into the library and spot the young red head; you go and sit next to him, “Hey Ron, what’re we working on today?”

Ron pushes his charms book in front of you, “I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong Y/N.”

You had been tutoring Ron for two months now, and every week he’d come to you with even more question than the week before.

You stretch out your arms before starting.

George’s POV

I walk into the library and notice my little brother, Ron, sitting next to Y/N, studying. I groan internally and pray not to be seen. I wasn’t the biggest fan of Y/N, I don’t know why, she was a great girl, but for some reason I preferred to stay away from her.

I passed by them unnoticed, and I remained hidden between bookshelves.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Y/N explaining something to Ron when he suddenly fakes a yawn and places his arm around her. She just shakes her head and chuckles as if she’s used to it. For some reason I feel a subtle burning in my heart. Why am I jealous? Don’t I hate Y/N?!

I spend the rest of Ron’s tutoring session watching them. I feel like an absolute creep, but I can’t shake off the feeling of jealously that keeps increasing as Ron gets closer to her.

Finally, Y/N pushes away, “Okay Ron, that’s the end of today’s session. I’ll see you next week!”

“I’ll see you later Y/N,” Ron pulls her into a hug and holds on for just a few moments too long.

I can’t help myself, my feet have a mind of their own and I walk up to them. I not-so-subtly cough, Ron pulls away and gives me an annoyed look, “Hi George…”

“Hi!” I say too cheerfully, “I-um-I just wanted to ask Y/N for some help!”

Y/N raises her eyebrows sceptically, Ron just rolls his eyes and leaves. Once he’s gone Y/N turns to me and smiles, “So what did you need George?”

She’s so kind, why did I always avoid her. Could it be that I-I actually like her…? “Um, hello…George? What do you need?”

“Oh! Um sorry, I just wanted to know, how do you-um-perform a non-verbal spell properly?” I say, panicking.

She laughs, “George, what do you really need? You and Fred are the best when it comes to Charms! You can’t possibly need my help for that.”

I sigh, “You looked a bit uncomfortable with my brother. If he’s bothering you, I can talk to him.”

She puts a hand against my bicep, “You’re too sweet George. Ron always flirts with me; I guess I’ve learned to ignore it. Thank you though.”

“So are you heading back to your common room?” She nods in response, “Mind if I walk you?”

“Sure!” She smiles.

Maybe I didn’t hate her all along, maybe I was just too afraid to admit that I actually have feelings for her.

End.

PART 2

Masterlist // Rules List // To-Do List