and so 'ptsd'

sense8: *has a trans lesbian character, exposes the hardships of being gay in a conservative country, deals with arranged marriage issues, has many POC characters from everywhere, shows a great deal of feminism and how hard it is being a women in asia especially, deals with capitalism, abuse of power, shows how better policemen should be, deals with loss of children and PTSD, shows characters with mental illnesses’s, exposes whitewashing, and many different economic problems in many different countries besides america*

everyone else: sens8 is too sexual and inappropriate for me haha, but i love oitnb :)  

anyways shout out to the traumatized kids who’s schoolwork suffered severely and teachers never recognized it for what it was. for those of us who grew up with the labels of slow or unfocused or inattentive because of how our trauma impacted our development and ability to do school. we’re not stupid, we never were. we were hurting children who fell through the cracks.

3

A perpetual spell to cope with intrusive thoughts

Thanks to severe OCD and PTSD, I’m often stuck in my own head with a bunch of intrusive and obsessive nonsense. I came up with a perpetual banishing and transmutation spell to help process and deal with unwanted thoughts.

The Banishing Bin functions somewhat like a computer’s recycle bin:

  • write unwanted thought/feeling on a sticky note or piece of small paper
  • draw banishing/transmutation sigil over words
  • fold up paper and throw in banishing bin 
  • burn/rip/trash them during the waning crescent or dark moon

This is a great spell if you’re a spoonie or not open about your craft. It’s fairly easy to perform and store without raising eyebrows (it literally just sits on my bookcase unsuspiciously). I found the mini trashcan at a local discount store for a couple dollars. The cheapest one I can find online can be purchased from Amazon here, but you can use any container you like as a bin. If you don’t have a banishing sigil you’re already working with, feel free to use mine

What do I do with these feelings?
These newspaper clippings
These reports, so fucking
statistical
“22 killed, 59 injured”
They don’t add in the words “human lives”
They don’t add in the words “affliction”
22 human lives lost, 59 humans bleeding,
Thousands reeling from trauma
and millions
terrified
that they’re next, another concert
another play, another
place they just wanted to smile

I’m
so fucking sorry
that one idea,
one extremist turned into
teenagers, who were waiting
for their chance to turn this around,
Crying as their best friend
lay unmoving on the ground
in what was supposed to be
the happiest moment
of their finite little 17 years of life


You didn’t deserve this
You deserved
the excitement of your first paycheck
the sorrow of lost love
that vacation in the Maldives you always wanted
You didn’t deserve
to be a liar when you told your mother you’d be home for dinner tomorrow

—  you are more than another incident to add to the list
//
bluestruckholly

*squints eyes* what if I just made up symptoms and false memories of trauma and abuse for attention after seeing the community on tumblr and I really am faking everything???

me: *sees someone who vaguely looks like my abuser(s)*

me, already having a panic attack: they’ve found me and they’ve come to harm me again. i can’t believe i ever thought i was safe. i’m sure i can buy a plane ticket to some deserted island and-

what being triggered is:

  • intense panic attacks
  • 7 hours of sobbing in the bathroom, trying not to throw up.
  • actually throwing up.
  • flashbacks to traumatic events.
  • one side of yourself saying “death will get rid of the memories” and the other side making excuses not to.
  • being unable to sleep in fear of dreaming about said traumatic events
  • being unable to be around anything that even slightly reminds you of said traumatic event
  • tensing up and feeling ill when someone even vaguely mentions anything related to the traumatic event you experienced, trying your best to avoid crying about it.
  • why am i crying? this is irrational, it wont happen again. why does this hurt so much. why can’t i just forget. this is all in my head. stop thinking about it. stop thinking about it stop thinking about it.
  • likely caused by post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or other serious stress causing disorders.
  • nightmares waking you up at three in the morning and trying to keep yourself together just long enough to get back to sleep because you have classes to attend in the morning.
  • shaking and trying to keep it together in public as you’re crytyping when you’re venting to a friend because all you want is to get it off your chest, whether or not anyone can even understand what you’re trying to get across.
  • you know this thing you love doing that’s completely unrelated to trauma? you experienced a vague flashback while doing it so now you can’t do it again out of fear you’ll have worse flashbacks.
  • completely forgetting who you are and being completely numb.
  • maybe if I hurt myself in this way, I’ll stop hurting in that way.
  • stuttering and having a difficult time breathing as you try to ask someone not to bring up the subject again. Being too loud or being too quiet as you try to hide the fact this is extremely distressing.
  • something you need professional help and therapy to “get over”
  • different for everybody

what being triggered is not:

  • being uncomfortable with something
  • a joke
But consider this

Steven’s PTSD getting worse due to witnessing Lars’ (whose basically his big brother now lbr) brutal death, the thought of possibly making him a zombie, and having to leave him behind on a hostile alien planet just after getting so close to him.

No offense but I really don’t think it’s anyone else’s job to dictate whether or not you forgive your abusers. “but it’s healthy!” “you could feel so free!”. You don’t know what that person went through, nobody’s trauma is the same as another’s. Some people might live their lives completely full of spite and anger toward their abusers, and some might have the resources and state-of-mind to forgive them. Good for them. If it will help a situation, if it will help them cope, then good on them. But the moment those people start telling others to do it too, to “suck it up, because some things are difficult but you just gotta to do them!!”, that’s a problem. Whether it’s a safety issue, whether it’s a personal one or something else, nobody should try and force a trauma survivor to forgive anyone. At the end of the day, they know themselves better than anyone, and they know what’s best for them. If they feel physically unsafe doing so, or even straight up don’t want to, then it is not your place to tell them that they should. It’s just not. I really don’t understand why that’s such a difficult concept to grasp.