and smells so horrible

the nights are always cold and the fires are always warm and alex sits close to john, close enough that they brush against each other but far enough that no one would be suspicious.

fires spread in a line, dotted across the sand. they’re vulnerable here, out in the open - but the fires distract from the camp in the trees, and that is how they justify them. few men balk at being assigned to keep watch by the fires. no one has been killed beside one yet, and it’s warmer than a tent. other men, soldiers not assigned to watch, warm themselves beside fires of their own before going off to sleep, and the shore lights up at night, a string of fires not unlike precious gems threaded together.

and here, beside their own fire, alex can laugh with john and drown in his voice. the sky wheels above them, and their toes are freezing despite their heavy stockings, and they smell horrible after so much time spent tramping through mud and rain, but it’s a clear night and the ocean air fills their lungs and in this moment they’re invincible.

one by one, the fires die out. alex can hear sand being kicked over the closer ones. as each jewel winks out, he draws closer to john, and before long the only fires left, the ones manned by other soldiers on watch, are so far away they couldn’t possibly see much of anything from that distance.

alex takes a chance. he seizes john by the cravat, kisses his lips firmly, and then settles back and takes john’s hand.

the fire dances in John’s eyes. “what was that for?” he asks. the corners of his mouth curl upward.

and alex smiles, settles closer against the chill, and says, “just because i can.”
US Government Standard Bathroom Malodor - The Genuine Gov't Designed Stink Bomb
"The Guinness Book of Records lists the two smelliest mixtures. One is "US Government Standard Bathroom Malodor"; a mixture of eight chemicals with a stench resembling human feces, only much stronger.

Warning for incredibly gross picture, but i just stumbled across this eBay listing claiming to sell the fabled “US Government Standard Bathroom Malodor”, a smell so horrible it supposedly makes people start screaming in horror and disgust within moments. The product description is worth a read, and if any brave souls with $25 to spare want to test it out, report back to me, please!

anonymous asked:

Weird question here but do you think Dylann smells good? I'm such a horrible person so I think all southerners smell 😭 me and my bias ass

he probably used to smell like sweat, cheap cologne and dorito dust. now, uh.. whatever soap they sell at the commissary lmao

mihawking  asked:

45 zolaw :')

Law didn’t think much of it when Zoro’s phone pinged on the living room coffee table. He didn’t even pause in his reading for that matter. When Zoro called out to him from the other room to check to see who it was from, Law easily closed the book around his finger and leaned over to grab the other man’s phone.

Hitting the button to light up the screen, Law stopped and frowned as his face stared back at him. It wasn’t even the greatest picture of himself, he thought. His hair was tousled and messy and he looked half asleep. Squinting at himself, it took Law a moment to remember when it was that Zoro had taken that picture of him, figuring out it had been just a few weeks prior when the man had drug him out into the woods for a long weekend to go camping. It had been a nightmare and they both smelled positively horrible upon returning.

“Who texted me?” Law had been so caught up in trying to figure out why Zoro had, not only a picture of him as his lock screen, but that picture, he jumped and actually dropped the phone onto the carpet. With a frown, Zoro bent over to pick it up.

“I’m your lock screen,” Law blurted out, pulling his legs up to tuck under his ass when Zoro smacked him in the shin in a demand to make room for him on the couch.

Sitting down, Zoro’s eyes went wide. “Oh,” he drug the word out, the faintest hint of a blush coloring his cheek bones. “I forgot I just changed it. You weren’t supposed to see that.”

“Ya know,” Law slid his feet out, digging his toes under Zoro’s thigh. “That is highly domestic of you, Zoro.”

“Oh shut up. Whose picture is on your office desk?”

“Where only I can see you.” Law smirked. “How often do you let people in your phone?”

Zoro hummed as he pressed the button to light it up. “It’s a damned good picture of you at least.” Swiping across the screen, he half ignored Law as he made his way to his messages.

“It is not,” Law retorted, reaching out to smack Zoro in the arm with his book. “I look horrible. I just woke up in that picture.”

“That’s the best you though.” Zoro leaned over as far as he could, expecting a kiss and with a roll of his eyes, Law leaned into meet him. “All bed head and groggy. You mumble and sort of whine your words.”

“I do not!” Law barked out, leaning back against the couch arm and opening his book. “Who texted you anyway?”

“Just a notification that the phone bill can be paid.” Zoro tossed the phone back onto the table before sliding down the back of the couch to worm his way between the cushions and Law. Wrapping his arm around Law’s waist, Zoro rested his head on Law’s stomach and took a deep breath.

“You are not allowed to nap on me until you change that picture. It’s cheesy enough that you have it, but you could atleast use a better picture.”

“Only other pictures of you I have on my phone right now are from the night prior to that one,” Zoro mumbled into Law’s shirt, yawning as he did so.

Law stiffened under Zoro, knowing exactly what it was the jerk was talking about. “I guess that one can stay then; until you take a better one that I approve of.” Reaching out, Law ran the fingers of his free hand through Zoro’s hair.

“Yes, Law,” Zoro muttered sleepily. Law smirked as he went back to reading.

Cure Autism!

I started a post on the topic of the cure of autism. Being autistic, my brain decided other things were more interesting so I left it in drafts and went off to do other things. I came back to tumblr and read a bunch of shit from relatives of us nonverbal autistics that said that since we cannot talk we’d rather be dead. 

They don’t allow their nonverbal autistic relatives to use computers because they might break them, they don’t teach their nonverbal autistics to use sign because it is too heartbreaking to take the time when they don’t see any progress in weeks of work. 

They can’t handle seeing their nonverbal autistic pee themselves and not care about it. As if a bit of sterile yellow liquid on our bodies should freak us out the way it does you.

We don’t care that our beds reek of urine. So horrible - but not as bad as the smell of that shit you spray on your bodies when you get out of the shower.

We scream and wiggle and kick and punch when we are touched. We must be suffering and would be better off dead. That we only want to be touched when we want to be touched - pft. Only people care who touches them, not autistics. Autistics should let anyone touch them any time, right?

When I tell you that you are wrong you ignore me because your autistic relative that you refuse to allow to communicate doesn’t tell you what I am telling you. Your relative that you don’t look at because she freaks out when you try to force her to look back. The one that can’t communicate because it was too hard to teach her. The one that you want to hug but won’t because she might pee on you so you leave her alone in a crib and then say she can’t communicate. That relative.

Yeah. Those. Us.

Guess what? We have minds. We have brains. We think. We want to live.

But not with you.

We are here. There is no cure - you have to love us as we are. Stop lying to yourselves and to us and start living. Work with us or admit you failed as a person.

Here is the text of my first attempt at refuting the cure myth:

“There is a recurring topic at this time of year about a “cure” for autism.
No, I am NOT against the idea of removing my disabilities from me.

The problem with the “cure” talk is that it is intentionally framed by groups like Autism Speaks as a possibility. That autism is a disease, like pneumonia, that might some day be cured with antibiotics or extra-special-vitamins, or, their preferred method, killing the fetuses that might develop it.

Autism is not a disease. It is not caused by an outside force, chemical, micro-organism, or event, nor a breakdown of the body’s natural defenses. It is not “inherited” in the popular understanding of the term.

One important point to start from. Normal is not a goal, it is merely a word that means “what is experienced by more than half the population”. It is not a dirty word. We are not normal. We are not representative of more than half the population. Get over it.

Autism is a difference in the way the brain develops from what is considered a normal brain. We have the same brain structure. All the parts are in the same places. There are some studies that HINT (but do not show conclusively) that some early pruning of neurons that happens in normal brains does not happen in ours.

I have been a crash test dummy for about 25 years. Brain scanned so often if my head doesn’t get inside an fMRI machine it starts having withdrawal symptoms.

The conclusion - none. There is nothing beyond our brains react differently.”

Yeah, I am not a happy person. Because you told me I am not a person.

This has to be the weirdest dream I’ve ever had. I was on an airplane, and it crashed. The plane split in half, and everyone on it died, except for me. I had no scratches or bruises, nothing, I was totally fine. Out of nowhere, my (then) boyfriend shows up, and he apparently was on the plane. He was fine, too. He saw all the dead bodies, and thought they looked cold, so he put blankets on every single one of them. Then his brother showed up, who also had apparently been on the plane. He saw the wounds on all of the bodies, and put band-aids on all of them and their wounds. THEN, this girl- who was my best friend at the time- shows up, having also been on the plane (seriously I thought everyone was dead???). Somehow the bodies had already started to decay, so it smelled horrible. Her idea? She spread flowers on every single one of the bodies. So I’m standing there with these three people, as we are surrounded by what seemed to be thousands of dead bodies. All of a sudden, my cousin shows up dressed like Michael Jackson. That’s when all of the dead bodies started rising up, blankets and flowers and band-aids and all. What happened next? My cousin, the dead people, and my three pals started dancing to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” and the song was even playing.


So, the story behind this is that I bought it because I thought it was hilarious that there was such a thing as an “I love Jesus” air freshener. I bought it for our Jeep. It smelled so horrible we had to put it back in the packaging, it was the grossest thing ever. So my dad decides to put it in his mate’s truck when he’s not looking. He texts him an hour later and is like “I saw you put something in my FUCKING TRUCK YOU LITTLE PRICK it smells DISGUSTING.”

And he was really actually genuinely mad because Christianity smells gross.

28034) I’m so disgusted with my body that I don’t even want to shower or shave my armpits anymore. Getting dressed feels like climbing Mount Everest. I smell so horrible and I’m wandering around my house at 5 in the evening still in my pyjamas. I don’t even feel like a human being anymore.