and sit in front of the fire

more post-curse beauty & the beast headcanons, enjoy! (fluff)
  • adam letting only belle tend to him when he’s sick/injured
  • can we talk about the fact that adam would be so protective over belle like he would never let anything hurt her
  • mrs. potts teaching belle how to make the most lovely teas/hot drinks during the fall & winter
  • belle and adam sitting in front of the fire on cold nights, wrapped in each other’s arms and covered in blankets
    • cuddly adam
    • adam falling asleep as belle plays with his hair
  • the kitchen crew teaching adam how to make the grey stuff
    • adam making desserts for belle using the grey stuff once he’s mastered how to make it
  • adam: *is looking at himself in the mirror* “i’m so glad i don’t have that stupid tail anymore”
  • belle watching adoringly as adam befriends phillipe in the castle stables
  • adam: *does the growlbelle: “don’t use that tone of voice with me”
  • belle and adam laying on the castle garden grounds at night, watching the stars
  • adam picking a single rose from each rose bush to make a beautiful bouquet for belle, just because he can
Not Today MV Theory

I think the concept/story in Not Today is rather easy but I’ll show you step by step what I think what happened.

The MV starts with shots of a mountain and BTS and black dressed people running on a road uphill

They want to reach the top so they’re running and rushing.

But suddenly we see Jungkook’s eye and a reflection of himself standing alone between his fallen friends.

I’ll later tell you who shot them. But for now we see a flash back: Jungkook running in front and suddenly Taehyung and Jin get shot right behind him. Jk is shocked.

But the flashback gets cut off by the writing “Not Today” and fire bruns on the screen. This tells us that this sad event won’t happen today, they’ll prevent it.

Now they tell us the story, their story. It starts of in a big building. The camera zooms in on the ground floor, indicating that they started fro the bottom.

Namjoon walks to a group go black dressed people. But he opens his arms welcomingly, they are his friends. The people are sitting on the floor, obedient, looking down. But not Namjoon. He’s dressed more colourful and standing. He tells them to fight (Today we fight!) and that is when they stand up and join him.This is also when the fire from the beginning is there again, representing their power, strength, will. The don’t want to be obedient and live in hiding. That is when the other members join too, helping Namjoon.

And because of their hard work and their power the room starts to break, they came one step closer to their dreams. they want to get higher.

The scene transitions to Jungkook who came to the roof of the building. But he’s alone. He was faster and stronger than the others (like we see in the running scenes later). The members join him shortly after, but he looked lost for a moment, all alone on this big rooftop. The other people are now throwing away their jackets. They are breaking free, ready to fight, letting the old behind them. becoming a little more like their leaders BTS.

But the other members are struggling more than jungkook that’s why Namjoon is next seen still inside the building but with more light than before. It shows that he needed more time than Jungkook.

Next we see a shot of the sky and them running uphill again. They want to reach the sky, they want to fly, they want higher. They broke out of the building and now out in the world looking for a way to achieve their dreams. Everyone is trying really hard but they aren’t all running at the same speed, Jungkook is in the front, once again seemingly progressing faster than the others.

But they are dancing on ice. this means two things: 1. it’s not spring yet, it is still hard and cold it’s still winter, they still have to fight. 2. It is easy to trip and fall if you go too hard or too fast. It’s risky. But it is their path up to the sky (that’s why it is reflecting the sky)

But the problem was that they were running next to each other not with each other. Everyone was going on their own, everyone was using their own strength only focusing on surviving and achieving their dreams, not looking out for the others. So they were easy to attack. So when every single member started facing hardships (got shot) and fell, that was the first time Jungkook was looking at them, but it was too late. They were already on the ground. Even their other friends. They didn’t get chased by them, they were running together.

This is were the actual flashback ends, so we see his eye again.

But this is what will not happen, at least not today! This is what BTS will prevent from happening. So now the scenery switches. Instead of snow and lighter colors, now it’s night. Dark colors and sparks are symbolising their fighting spirit.

And yes they are still running but now they are in a formation, looking out for each other, acting as a teams.

So in the end when the last shot comes, they stand together tightly and no one falls. Together they are bulletproof!

It ends with the fire once again, symbolising that this is what will happen, what they will make happen, what they are capable of. You never walk alone! That’s their message! We’ll all fight together, not just side by side but in a team, our ARMY.


I hope you liked it because I’m really sure that this is true or at least most of it. What do you think?

On February 1st John wakes up to find that Sherlock’s half of the bed is empty, and on his pillow is a single lavender rose.  He smiles softly, picks it up, and presses his nose into the petals.

The following day John finds two of the same flower, their stems cut quite short, waiting for him in his favorite mug when he goes to make tea.  He doesn’t ask Sherlock about it yet, and Sherlock acts as if nothing is different.

On February 3rd there are three lavender roses waiting for John.  One is resting in his left shoe; another is tucked inside his jacket pocket; the third he finds on the doorknob when he’s on his way out.  He puts them on his desk at work and thinks about texting Sherlock for an explanation.  But he doesn’t.  Not yet.

Four roses find their way onto the mantlepiece.

Five are found nestled in John’s chair late in the evening on February 5th.

Six are discovered the following morning, wrapped neatly together with ribbon, in the refrigerator.  Still, neither of them say a word.

It isn’t until the 7th of February–when John finds seven lavender roses, cut from their stems, floating in a bowl of water on the kitchen table–that John’s curiosity gets the better of him.  He’s not much for computers, but he knows how to use google at least.  The results make his head feel light.

Eight roses decorate the sitting room in various spots.

Nine are placed into various beakers and tubes.

Ten litter the surface of the sofa all day on February 10th.  They avoid sitting there all day, but neither of them mentions it.

On February 11th there are eleven roses lining the doorframe of Baker Street.

The 12th brings a bouquet to John’s office where he switches them out for the three that have begun to wilt but that he was unwilling to remove.

Thirteen roses hang from the ceiling of their bedroom the following day.  John isn’t quite sure how Sherlock managed that without waking him, but he lays there for almost half an hour, just watching them sway back and forth.

John comes home from work on the 14th of February and finds lavender rose petals scattered up and down the seventeen steps of 221B.  If he had to guess he would say there were enough petals for fourteen roses.  His chest constricts, and he takes the steps slowly, a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

He expects to find Sherlock waiting for him, but when he reaches the top he finds the door to the sitting room closed, a note taped to it.  Sherlock’s untidy scrawl reads, You know where to find me.

And John does.  He’s back down the stairs and out the door in seconds, and for once it seems he’s got Sherlock’s luck on his side as a taxi rolls to a stop when he flings out his hand.

The lab at St. Bart’s hasn’t changed much since the day they met, and it’s a bit like walking into the past when John pushes the door open to find Sherlock waiting for him in the same exact spot he had been when John had first seen him.  Only this time John isn’t limping.  And this time Sherlock is holding a single lavender rose instead of a pipette, and his gaze is soft and warm as it settles on John.

“Knew you’d get it,” he says, his eyes crinkling with his smile.

John walks toward him, taking his time even though his heart is pounding.  It’s ridiculous, he thinks, because they’ve been together for months now.  “I’m smarter than I look,” he says, unable to keep from smiling in return.  He stops about a foot away, nodding toward the rose in Sherlock’s hand.  “Isn’t that cheating?”

Sherlock shakes his head.  “You see, but you do not observe,” he says, a mischievous glint in his eyes.  He steps closer, holding the flower up between them.  “There were only thirteen on the steps.  This is number fourteen.”

John steps closer and reaches out to touch the petals, letting his hand slip down until his fingers ghost over Sherlock’s.  “I looked it up, you know. Lavender rose.”

“I know,” Sherlock says, his smile widening.  “On the seventh.  I was surprised you held out for so long.”

John can’t help laughing.  “I’m not even going to ask how you knew.”  

He plucks the rose from Sherlock’s fingers and sets it gingerly on the counter beside them, removing the delicate barrier between them so that he can step into Sherlock’s space and draw him down for a soft, slow kiss.  Sherlock’s hands cup his face, his thumbs stroking along the sharp edges of his jaw, and John clings to fistfuls of Sherlock’s shirt at his waist.

When he pulls away it’s only enough so that he can speak, and his lips brush Sherlock’s with every word.  “Love at first sight,” he whispers, and he frees one hand to touch the petals of the lavender rose beside them.  “And you always said I was the romantic.”

Sherlock kisses him again, lingering for a long, sweet moment.  “I thought you should know the truth.  The whole of it.  How long I’ve loved you.”

Something in John’s chest aches, and he spends long, drawn-out moments pressing his lips to Sherlock’s, murmuring his I love yous into his mouth, hoping that it will be enough, that Sherlock will understand that he’s been loved since the moment John saw him in this very lab so many years ago.


Later that night–after Sherlock has led them home, after John has pressed him against the sheets, after countless kisses and touches and soft, pleading words–later, they sit together in front of the fire, half-clothed, legs tangled together, and press the single lavender rose in between the pages of a heavy book.  And when they’ve finished, John takes Sherlock by the hand and leads him back to bed.

I want to take you to the movies and i want to pay for your ticket i want to buy a large popcorn for us to share so that i have an excuse to touch your hand and i want to look at you whenever there’s a joke so i can see you laugh and it will warm my heart. i want to stand outside the theatre at midnight while you wait for your dad to come get you and i want to here you talk about the movie i want to see the combined light of the coming soon posters and the moon on your face.

I want to take you to the beach. i want to put up the umbrella while you laugh every time i think it’s in the sand but falls over a few moments later. i want to see you dive headfirst into the water, i want to stand there in awe of your bikini clad confidence while i stand in my oversized t-shirt and shorts. i want to hold your hand as we walk in the surf i want to feel the water hit my ankles, i want to swim out as far as we can go and see who can hold her breath the longest.

i want to rake leaves with you, with our little brothers… i want to listen to you talk about how much you love him, i want to watch your eyes light up, i want to grab your arm and pull us into the giant pile of leaves. i want to collaps laughing beside you as the sun starts to dip below the horizon i want to notice the leaf in your hair and laugh as i brush it away.

I want to take you ice skating, at the rink they set up in the park next to my house. i want to hold your hand because it’s been so long since i’ve worn a pair of skates. i want to fall on my ass and then on my back because i’m laughing so hard, i want you to land next to me. i want to give you my coat and take you home when you get cold. i want to make you hot chocalate and throw marshmallows for you to try and catch in your mouth. i want to cuddle in front of the fire underneath a huge blanket and tell you how cold your hands are.

i want to take you to the fair at the end of summer. i want to win you something at one of those games tables. i want to scream and giggle with you while we ride the zipper i want to swear that i’ll never do that again but know that i’ll be back next year. i want to eat cotton candy while we sit on a bench watching people walk past us. i want to get stuck at the top of the ferris wheel with you, i want to talk about how small everything looks from up here i want to tell you that no matter how high i got i’d still be able to pick you in a crowd.

I want to take you stargazing. I want to climb onto my roof with a blanket and a bottle of wine. I want to listen to the leaves rustling beside us and i want to listen to your wine drunk ramblings about how the stars are so beautiful. i want to show you how even though we are so very small in this universe i couldn’t feel more comfortable and significant lying here with you.

i want to go shopping with you. i  want to find the dress shirt i need in ten minutes but stay in the store for hours because you can’t decide between the hundreds of dresses you see. i want to sit in the chair outside the dressing rooms. i want you to show me every dress, i want to tell you that you look amazing in every single one of them, half because i want to leave this chair but also because you do look amazing in anything you wear.

i want to take you to the school football games. i’ll have to bring my camera i want to end up having just as many photos of you as i do the game. i want to kiss you every time we score, and because that doesn’t happen very often at our school i want to kiss you every time the other team scores. i want to end the night drinking that crappy hot chocolate that’s really just chocolate syrup and boiling water.

i want to meet your parents because they’re so much more accepting than mine who will still think we’re just friends. i want to hold your hand under the dinner table. i want to pretend to be casual and confident when really my heart is racing my stomach is doing backflips and i can’t catch a breath.

i want to hold you in my bed. i’ll be the big spoon because i want to protect you and keep you warm. i want to put my laptopat the foot of my bed so we can watch movies. I want to play with your hair and kiss your neck. i want to feel you breathe against my chest. i want to pile as many blankets as i can find on top of us. i want to let you fall asleep on my chest. i want to stay awake for as long as i can because i want to savour that moment i want to memorize the curve of your body and the smell of your hair and the rythm of your breathing. i want to only sleep when i can no longer hold my eyes open and dream of nothing but you.

i want to take you on cheesy dates and hug you so hard that you forget everything wrong with the world. i want to kiss you so hard you forget to breathe.

but most of all i want you to want me

Here’s a totally unnecessary hc that i’d like to share with you:

Contrary to all beliefs, Sasuke is the one who’s always warm and Naruto is the one who’s always freezing, and i’ve got these reasons to believe this:
•compare their outfits along the whole series, you’ll notice how Naruto’s are always two layered (a t-shirt and a jacket), long sleeved, and mostly with big, snuggly collars, meanwhile sasuke’s are mostly one layered tops, short/no sleeved, open in the front, or just plainly shirtless. Also his shoes tend to be more ventilated too.
•sasuke’s nature are fire and ray, naruto’s is wind
•what could be better for a cold person than a warm bowl of ramen????
•sasuke sitting in the rain being emo and not giving a shit about it

So consider this:
• Naruto using it as an excuse to keep his hands under sasuke’s shirt
•naruto hugging (wrapping his limbs shamelessly) around Sasuke at nights, and Sasuke instead of pushing him away -because holy shit he swears he’s going to melt in there-, he just pushes off the covers on his side
•everything Sasuke takes off Naruto puts it on (think of all the possibilities)
•when no one is watching Sasuke holds naruto’s hands between his and blows warm air on them
•Naruto overdressing their children for school

Im just saying

Having a child with Newt would include…

- Even though he would make sure that you and your child are always safe, you would usually accompany him when he’d go somewhere

- Him telling your child about all his adventures and how he is one of the very few people who actually saw some of the most rarely seen creatures

- Him usually modifying the bedtime story a bit

- “… And so the prince did not kill the dragon because he realized they are very misunderstood creatures who mean no harm and need to be protected”

- Niffler loving to be around your little one, sometimes even giving some of his own treasures to them to play with for a while

- Pickett actually kind of abandoning Newt because he would simply refuse to leave your child’s side

- Aunty Queenie and uncle Jacob visiting on weekends, bringing all kinds of sweet pastries for the coffee

- Queenie and you going shopping for clothes for your child together

- You sometimes coming home to Newt and your little one deeply asleep, surrounded by drawings of all the creatures they’ll see together at some point

- The three of you sitting in front of the fire place on cozy evenings, cuddled together under a pile of pillows and blankets

- No matter what, your little family would always come first for all of you, because regardless of what would happen, you knew that you could always be sure to come home to the people who love you the most

No One’s Roasted Like Gaston.[Oneshot].

no one writes FANFICS LIKE EMILEE.

Originally posted by luuuuuke-evans

Title: No One’s Roasted Like Gaston.
Pairing: Implied!- Gaston x Reader.
Rating: T.
Words: 2,231.
Summary: Gaston thought he was undeniable to women and even some men. Has he finally found his match?


There was nothing particularly notable about the early mornings, at least, not anymore. The sky above was it usual mixture of pinks, purples and some lighter hues of blue as the sun rose and lit up the clouds, giving them a rather unique looking glow. There was a small wind, but not chilling, and brought in the lingering scent of meadows and trees. You got used to those aspects and they slowly became the norm. You began to not notice them at all, and remarked them as being every day life. If one wanted to really shake things up in a morning routine, they would count the cobblestones that made up each walkway in the village. But, that’s the thing. No one ever wanted to shake things up. They wanted things to stay the same for that is the way they had been living for as long as anyone could remember. With change came the unprecedented fear that something terrible would happen as a result.

It was the hustle and bustle of such a small village did leave one breathless and forgetful on occasion if you didn’t pay attention to where you were going and why you were going there in the first place. If one was aimlessly walking in the morning time while the sun peaked into the valley, one might be trampled by those selling goods and merchandise. Some too expensive, and some not expensive enough and left you wondering whether you had been scammed or if you had gotten a good deal.

Aimless and mindless were surely your vibe this beautiful morning. You had nowhere to be, nothing to do or see and so you actually took your time to walk through the village during one of the busiest times of day. There was a variant of smells, some of which you happened to thoroughly enjoy. Fresh bread, springtime air, a small caddy on the corner before the village square that was selling freshly picked roses. Contrary to the flowers smelling divine, the actual vibrancy of the colors caught your attention and dwindled you to stay and admire them for longer than you had intended . Vivid reds, pastel pinks, yellow whites. It looked as if these flowers belonged immortalized in a painting for the entire world to enjoy.

Smiling at the vendor who was a few feet to your right, you plucked a light, dusty pink rose out of one of the buckets full of water. It dripped down your fingers onto your wrist causing a small shudder to shoot down your arm. Miraculously, it looked as if a skilled painter had dipped their brush in the sky during dusk, mustered up enough color to splotch onto the petals of the flower. Some parts were darker than others, but all around, it was a very delicate and soft appearing flower.

“Beautiful.” You could hear someone behind you say. And without the need to turn around and see the speaker, you were already well aware of who it was. Probably looking at himself in the reflection of a window again, you snickered quietly. It was as if you could see the bright red uniform from your peripheral vision and it was already giving you a headache. Setting the flower back into the metallic bucket, you gave the vendor one more glance over and polite smile before drawing your attention to your left, with the unsuccessful hope of getting out of there without Gaston being connected at your hip.

Keep reading

What Exo is probably doing rn

Xiumin: Got put on hold after he called the local pet shop to see if they had bunnies for sale 3 hours, ago and is afraid to hang up just in case they come back to the phone. 

Suho: Repeating a knock knock joke he overheard a toddler tell his mommy at the grocery store over and over in his head so he can tell the first member he sees later. 

Yixing: Just finished signing papers with SM to release 3 videos, 2 mini albums and get a solo dance in the next comeback song…..all while in China.

Baekhyun: Standing in front of the refrigerator holding it open, trying to decide between a protein whey extra lite smoothie or 3 gallons of rocky road ice cream.

Chen: Sitting at the dining room table googling himself on Baekhyun’s Ipad so that his searches for “Chen’s Sexiest Moments” won’t stay in his own search history.

Chanyeol: Playing videos games in the dark with door locked even though he told everyone he was going to be in the studio writing more fire verses for Sehun to drop on the beat.

Kyungsoo: Reading scripts about a psycho maniac killer and wondering how he always gets offered such relatable roles.

Kai: Trying to calculate how long a break from group activities he’ll get this year if he breaks both his ankles now.

Sehun: In the bathroom with the door closed practicing how to take selfies that show he actually has a jawline. Ended up deleting 3 apps to make space for all the bad shots.

Haikyuu!! Fiction Recommendation Master Post

I have been meaning to make this post since a while now. Let’s share some love shall we? I recommend these fictions based on my personal judgment. If you see your work up here that’s cause I loved it to the moon and back! I welcome suggestions too! ^-^ 

♥ - ultimate fav

★ - they do the do

(★) - implied sexual activities 

ロ - unfinished 

■ - finished

✿ - multi chapters



KageHina (Kageyama x Hinata) 

Summary:  Kageyama balanced his cheek on his fist, leaning an elbow on the counter and smiling, “Do your parents know where you are, sweetie?”
“I— what?! Why would they— I’m twenty-three!”
Kageyama gasped sarcastically, “Are you! Well, I’ll be! I’m still gonna need to see some ID, though.”
“Amazing.” The boy laughed, “You really know how to sass someone who’s holding a gun to your face, huh?“

Summary: There he was.The redhead clicked the notification and waited impatiently for the page to load.“hello again, sunshine! working on any new pieces lately? i’d love to see your progress if you want to share! hope today was great for you!” Hinata grinned from ear to ear as he typed his reply, “i started a new piece just for you, blueberry! here’s what i’ve got so far! :)”

 Summary: A smutty, drunken one-shot for ‘Anonymous asked a question’ 

Summary:  Hinata pines.

Summary:  Oh. He’d never seen anyone give him that expression before. Not with so much raw sincerity. And for a moment, Kageyama had to look away, swallowing awkwardly, thinking that maybe he had just looked into the sun itself. 

Note: Part of a series. The continuation: Facing the Sun

Summary: It’s too dark to go over the mountain, he’d said. You might get hurt, he’d said. What will we do if you can’t play in the practice match on Monday, he’d said. Kageyama had said a lot of things and in the end, he’d coaxed Hinata into staying the night because yeah, everything was true, and yeah, maybe he would be better off spending the night at Kageyama’s, but then they’re changing for bed and Hinata is in nothing but boxers and a shirt and Kageyama is cupping his jaw in both hands and kissing like he might fall of the face of the earth if he doesn’t and Hinata thinks that maybe, Kageyama had some ulterior motives.

Summary: 'Kageyama doesn’t know why Hinata’s face rubs him the wrong way—it just does. So one day, in an attempt to pinpoint exactly what it is that makes Hinata’s Shouyou’s fucking face so fucking annoying, he begins to catalogue all the things that really tick him off.This proves to be startlingly revelatory.’–A thought-provoking study and critical analysis of Hinata Shouyou’s stupid face, by Kageyama Tobio.

Summary:  Hinata finds that he likes standing close to Kageyama on buses and trains. It doesn’t mean anything–probably. Maybe.

Summary: When Hinata Shouyou is 13 years old, his village is raided by pirates. Most everything Hinata knows is destroyed in the attack, lost to the flames, but he and his sister are pulled from the wreckage by a boy with eyes the color of a storm. Their lives are saved, but irrevocably altered - their home is lost forever, and there is something strange about the pirates, something blurry and shadowed and wrong. A darkness is rising out of the depths of the ocean. The sea itself is stirring, and nothing can stop it when it wakes.

Summary: Cooking is hard. Even if you have your very attractive, very grumpy neighbor there to help you. In which Hinata’s lack of cooking skills are a danger to him and others. Luckily (or not), Kageyama is willing to teach him, for the sake of avoiding any burned down apartments.

Summary:  Once a year, all the villages that follow the way of the sun offer up one of their own to be taken to the sun god’s divine temple. Kageyama Tobio, an orphan and loner, never wanted to be chosen—and until the sun god appeared, no one ever wanted to choose him, either. All Tobio wants is to find a place he fits in. What he actually gets is another story entirely.

Summary: The rainforest expedition is to last a full year—365 days of living under the lush canopy of trees. Danger looms. Adventure awaits. The jungle calls. Hinata Shouyou has never wanted anything more. Or so he thinks, until he meets a curious stranger there, who shows him what it means to be truly needed. AKA Tarzan au

Note: the art for this fic are gorgeous

Summary:  It was the boots that caught his attention. They looked new and expensive sticking up from the tall grass, visible from the small trail Shoyo was walking on. He cautiously trudged closer, almost against his will.
What Shoyo didn’t notice, however, was the creature watching him; blue eyes following the oblivious human like a prey. AKA creature!Kageyama au

Summary: 'This was how Shouyou, prince of the kingdom on the hill, ended up sitting on the wooden floor in front of the fire, roasting all the different kinds of meats in the crackling flames to eat. When he was done, he flopped over backwards, sprawling over the floor. Kageyama was watching him again. Shouyou rolled lazily onto his stomach and rested his head on his arm, smiling at him. “That was good,” he said. The food had been delicious. Watching Kageyama eat had been more so; the way his throat worked to swallow as he drank down the creamy, white milk, his white teeth as they sank into the succulent, tender meat, the little groans and sighs of pleasure he made as he tasted it. It had all made Shouyou so very, very hungry for more.’

Summary:  Life as a scrap hunter isn’t very eventful. Shoyo travels across the massive wasteland of an electronics dump in Area 5C every day, searching for machines, gadgets and batteries to sell. Stood in his yellow overall, one boot on a broken toaster, his voltage-tracker suddenly goes frantic in his hand. It’s detected something. Something big.



KuroTsuki (Kuroo x Tsukishima)

Summary: “I see you like it Between the Sheets.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Your drink. It’s good stuff but I’m more of a Blowjob kinda guy.”

Summary: Kei types up an unapologetic flyer titled: Are You Missing Your Underwear? It explains his cat’s thievery and gives his address. He prints a few out and half-heartedly puts them up on his street and at the local store on his way to university. Basically, Kei’s cat is trying to hook him up with the neighborhood hottie.

Summary:  Kuroo and Tsukki lie in bed together being cute.

Summary:  Kuroo needs to come clean, for once in his life, and Tsukishima should probably just start trying to be a better person. It’s hard, though, when things are just so easy like this.

Summary:  Tsukishima has never held a boy’s hand before. Kuroo is desperate to learn every line in his palm. This relationship, they begin to realize, might not end in pain after all.

Summary:  Getting up in the middle of the night to pee really shouldn’t have been such a huge commitment.

Summary:  Maybe it was destiny that Kuroo Tetsurou was meant to fall in love with Tsukishima Kei despite the fact that he was a ghoul, humanity’s natural enemy and Kei was one-hundred percent human.



IwaOi (Iwaizumi x Oikawa)

Summary: "Iwaizumi-san is definitely a top.” “I’d say Oikawa. He seems to like being in charge.” Matsukawa laughed at this, surveying the club members. “It’s a shame that we’ll never be able to find out who’s right.” Unfortunately, they do find out.

Summary:  He always got strangely sentimental, the closer he got to his heat. Which is precisely why today, he should not have shown up to the practice match. He knew better. Had always done better.

Summary: “You’re so cruel to me,” Oikawa whined down the line, and Iwaizumi snorted at that. “All I try to do is be nice, and here you are, saying all I want to do is talk shit on Ushiwaka! Which, you know, I do, but that’s beside the point. Do you like Ushiwaka, Iwa-chan?” “Of course I don’t, what are you -,” “Because I could just get him to fuck me instead.” (Oikawa had slipped into a bad habit of teasing him like this, and he’d had enough of it. It was time for Iwaizumi to shut Oikawa up, and to shut him up good.)

Summary:  “The skirt seems like a fantastic idea in Oikawa’s head.” Oikawa tries a new method of seduction on Iwaizumi, and it proves effective, though not as he expected it would be.

Summary: Iwaizumi blinked his gaze over to Oikawa, “Last time was supposed to be a one time thing,” he said, voice low, lacking some conviction.Oikawa’s lips twitched into a smirk and he brought them hovering just over Iwaizumi’s, “One time thing, Two time thing, what’s it matter as long as it’s not a Relationship thing?”

Summary:  In which Oikawa is a demon whose job is contracting humans for their souls, and his next victim is Iwaizumi. Somehow, what is supposed to be a quick case turns into a two year long affair – and then some.

Summary: In which Oikawa Tooru is a prince and Iwaizumi Hajime is his knight. “I want…I want…” Oikawa opened his eyes and for once Iwaizumi wished he couldn’t read them so well. ‘You. I want you,’ they said. Iwaizumi couldn’t let Oikawa say it for real, he couldn’t. It would destroy him. So he crashed his lips against Oikawa’s, silencing him, consoling him. “I know,” he whispered once they finally parted. He didn’t need to say that it didn’t matter what Oikawa wanted – what either of them wanted. They both knew already.

Summary: ‘A gift for you.’ Matsukawa’s voice echoed in his mind as he recalled the way his high school friend had slyly passed him a folded shopping bag under the table while they were in the middle of lunch. Matsukawa had insisted he look at it only when he got home, and feeling foolishly happy about the spur of the moment gift, he agreed. He wished, in hindsight, that he had looked instead. And that he had throttled Matsukawa for even thinking it was an appropriate gift.

Summary:  Oikawa might be a jealous person, but even that is nothing compared to the intrinsic possessiveness that all dragons have.

Summary:  for the “the new handyman’s hot so i’m gonna keep breaking stuff” au. Iwaizumi is the Handsome Handyman, and Oikawa is… Oikawa?

Summary:  There were things they always came back to. Some of those things were each other.
Or, Oikawa gets hit by an early heat, Iwaizumi carries him home. Something changes for the both of them.

Summary:  Despite common belief, making sure you don’t have to work a single day in your life is hard work. Luckily, Oikawa has mastered the skill.
But when his new target is the awfully… practical businessman Iwaizumi Hajime, Oikawa’s skills are put to the test, since Iwaizumi refuses to spend money on him. Yet, the two can’t ignore their mutual attraction, but with such different expectations for the relationship, there’s bound to be trouble.

Summary: This shower will be quick, Oikawa decides, reaching up for his luffa. He then goes to reach for his body wash. His eyes widen when he narrows in on the two objects in his hands. The luffa is white, and the body wash brand says Old Spice, something musky and masculine. Oikawa has never owned Old Spice in his entire life, and his luffa is definitely not white, looking like it came from some cheap dollar store.~AU where Oikawa accidentally stumbles into the wrong apartment

I’m a host at a restaurant and it’s located in a really rich white person neighborhood(I’m talking I literally heard someone unironically ask if an apple was $20 kind of rich) and most of the servers commute from less affluent areas. The locals are all absolute entitled assholes, but one that came in on Easter took the cake.

So this lady comes in, wearing bigass juicy sunglasses, hoop earrings and “the Rachel” haircut. Keep in mind at this time the wait for a table of 2 was 45 minutes to an hour. She struts up in these super tall heels, and asks how long it would be for a table of six. I told her it would be 2 hours.

Oh boy.

She immediately asked to speak to a manager, and told the manager that I was discriminating against her because she was white, and that “that bitch gave the Mexican couple in front of me a 45 minute wait!”(they were actually Japanese(they didn’t look latinx at all either??) and there were 2 of them but ok). The manager kind of just, rolled his eyes and told her it was because there are only two of them, and that we’ll get to her as soon as possible.

We ended up being able to sit her in like, 1.5 hours, and she complained that out quote time wasn’t accurate, and that she was going to leave us an absolutely scathing Yelp review and I just kinda cringed and sat her in one of the nicer server’s section.

She proceeded to complain to the server for five minutes before ordering a salad with the dressing on the side, then yelling at the server for the dressing not being on the salad(????), and called out the manager again, who comped half of her meal and have her a free dessert. She then forgot her credit card in the check presenter, despite me reminding her when walking by her.

She called the restaurant and accused the server of stealing the card, complained she’d have to drive back from x city(it was like a 15 minute drive in traffic) and when she got there, my manager gave her another free dessert.

I was working two days later and she called to speak to our general manager to report the incident, turned out all three had been ignoring her calls because they had bent over backwards to make up for what wasn’t even a mistake in the first place.

The lady didn’t realize she was speaking to the host who had been working when she came in and told me that, “the host up front was being really rude, I know she was talking about me to this Mexican couple sitting near her”(once again this was a Japanese couple, and they were tourists, so i was helping to interpret the menu for them…in Japanese???idk how that sounded like Spanish but ok lady)

I told the manager, and he took the call and told her, “ma'am I don’t know what else I can do to make it up to you, unless you’re expecting me to fire them.”

Three seconds later he said “oh you expect me to fire them.” And he just…hung up, and told me she tried to tell us that the server was most likely an illegal alien.

I literally hate these customers.

sherlock would def be the sort to drag their mattress into the sitting room for reasons:

  • feels bohemian. feels good, feels organic. 
  • he drags it out one night when john is feeling a little down and they sit up eating ice cream out of the carton and telling bad jokes until john starts laughing again
  • then they snuggle down under the covers and tell each other secrets, all kinds of secrets, because they’ve never felt so safe before 
  • experiment purposes. he forgets to move it back and john just gets into bed right there on the sitting room floor, and sherlock finds that he’s not that interested in his microscope at all when john is just a cosy bundle in the corner of his eye, and sherlock abandons it and crawls in next to him
  • sex in front of the fire reasons. they’re not teenagers anymore, after all, and it’s not all that romantic if they’re both sore and stiff later
  • john has a cold and refuses to go lay down because he insists that he’s fine, but he’s drippy and snuffly and uncomfortable on the sofa and sherlock drags the mattress in and flops down on it until john joins him, achy and too cold because he’s hot with fever, and john falls asleep instantly next to sherlock
  • when sherlock loses on a case and someone dies, john is the one dragging the mattress into the sitting room while they wait out the night, and john holds him, and holds him, until the shaking stops and sherlock finally falls asleep and john holds him, sentinel, keeping his dreams at bay
  • the power goes out and the fireplace is lit in the sitting room. they roast marshmallows and laugh until they can’t keep from kissing, all sweet burnt sugar and warm cheeks in the blankets
  • it doesn’t matter, really, where the mattress is, if they’re being silly or serious, because they’re together, and they’re always, always in love 

anonymous asked:

hi! do you think you could maybe possible perhaps write a soulmate!au? pretty pretty please?? (if you do - thanks, and if you don't - thanks for all of your other fics)

i heard you were looking like the moon

a/n: i decided to go with the ‘you don’t see colour until your soulmate touches you’ au. thank you so much for this anon, and i hope you enjoy it

She’s seven when she decides that the colour she’s most excited to see is purple. She’s watching a documentary with Petunia, sprawled on the carpet in their mediocre, three-bedroom house, watching the TV, enthralled. There are a pair of pretty people, holding hands, gravitational, lovely, and utterly in love. They are describing colour with a glistening film swept across their eyes, tainted by disdain, this supercilious disposition that colour is some kind of buried treasure, open only to those who are a part of some exclusive club where partners and couples clutch at each others’ hands like an anchor dropped in a bed of sand. The delight of love in someone else. It makes her heart race. But it is not this that upsets her. It is Ethel, the near 70-year-old lady on the screen, who lost her husband. She had spent 50 years with colour. And then it was lost.

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anonymous asked:

Can you write up a drarry headcanon where they dance? Even if it's silly dancing in their living room or something fancy like at the Yule ball? I don't care what. I love love love the way you write these nerds

Harry has never been much of a dancer.  In fact he is quite sure the only time he can remember properly dancing was at the Yule Ball and that was definitely more mortification than anything else.  Dancing is not something he ever thinks he needs to do again.

At least that’s what he’s convinced himself, until he and Draco start dating in 8th year.

Harry feels a bit like he’s been punched in the gut when Draco confesses one night, under the influence of about half a bottle of Ogden’s Firewhiskey, that he really loves to dance.  And not just loves, but feels happy and free and finally confesses that he wants nothing more than to dance with Harry before his eyes flutter shut and he falls asleep on Harry’s shoulder snoring.

The next day Draco doesn’t mention it, so neither does Harry.  He isn’t sure if Draco was too drunk to remember or just embarrassed, but he can’t bare to bring it up.  Weeks go by until Harry feels like he might be losing his mind, because every time he looks at Draco his body nearly burns with an ache to bring their bodies together, to hold him closely and move him around the room.

Harry wants more than anything to dance with Draco; to be the one who makes him feel happy and free.  But his own self consciousness and feelings of insignificance stop him every time.

Until one night when they’re sitting on the floor together in front of the slowly dying firing.  The last few embers are crackling softly as Draco shifts closer, reaching over and tangling his fingers in Harry’s.  Neither one of them has said anything for awhile but the silence feels comforting and safe and without letting himself think too hard he jumps to his feet and pulls Draco with him.

“What’re you doing?” Draco asks with the beginnings of a smile.

“I know I’m not great but I did hope you’d at least be able to figure out that we were dancing,” Harry laughs, spinning Draco around the room a bit clumsily.  There is no one watching and he realizes he has nothing to lose and everything to gain so he doesn’t stop despite his insecurity.

“I thought you didn’t dance, Potter.”

“Yeah well I seem to be doing a lot of things I’d swore I’d never do because of you.”

“Oh yeah, like what?” Draco asks, placing his hand on the small of Harry’s back and gracefully taking the lead.  Harry lets him with a sigh of appreciation.

Harry doesn’t answer right away, and Draco doesn’t push.  Instead they just dance like that in the dark of the night, wild and free until Harry opens his mouth and whispers, “Like fall in love.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“I love you too you know.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

And from that moment on Harry decides he definitely likes dancing, as long as its with Draco.

Imagine your OTP- Things I've said to my SO
  • "Why the fuck are there three different rolls of paper towels??"
  • "Do we need lessons on how ziplock bags work?"
  • "Taking off my clothes takes effort. I'm sleeping on the futon."
  • "At what point if any did it cross your mind that this might be a bad idea?"
  • "TECHNOLOGY HATES ME OH MY GOD I KILLED THE MICROWAVE."
  • "Wake me up if you want something!! Seriously! Sleepy sex is awesome!"
  • "Please kill it. Preferably with fire."
  • "See, this is why we're together. No one else could handle our terrible puns."
  • "YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO STAB YOURSELF OPENING YOUR ANNIVERSARY GIFT GO TO THE HOSPITAL."
  • "I love you. but I swear to you if you keep leaving lunch containers in the sink without putting soapy water in them I will kill you slowly."
  • "Dude, we're old... your brother just left with a 24-pack of bud ready to party, and we're sitting in front of the TV with Netflix and fancy cheese."
  • "These potatoes in the fridge are starting to flower... can I toss them?"
  • "Sleep is for those that haven't been struck with inspiration."
  • "I'll sleep when I'm dead."
  • "Sweetie, I appreciate the thought, but I meant A 50c PACKAGE of reeses, I didn't need the whole candy aisle."
  • "Goddamn it why are you so sweet."
  • "I just got out from babysitting and I am having my tubes tied immediately."
  • "I AM NOT CUTE GODDAMN IT I AM INTIMIDATING."
  • "Let me rephrase, I'm getting mongolian. if you'd like, you can come along, but if not, that's cool too. but I want mongolian."
  • "You bought WHAT for HOW MUCH?"
  • "I love your mother, but I almost reached across the table and wrapped my hands around her throat."
  • "Why do we even NEED more bass?"
  • "SCIENCE MOTHERFUCKER"
  • "You may want to hide the alcohol because I may die from how much and how badly I want to drink right now."
  • "Aaaack that freaks me out when you do that!!"
  • "Everything hurts and I'm dying, but I'm not pregnant this month so that's nice."
  • "STOP TICKLING ME YOU ASSHOLE I WILL NIPPLE PINCH YOU"
All the cool fights I plan end up like this.

Our Siren has commanded the enemies to fight each other, our fire nymph has set the battle field on fire and just killed a man, one of the mages is levitating the enemy boss (almost dead) above the battle.

Nymph: Can I use my second action to leap at this other man?

Me (DM): Yeah sure why not *nymph rolls super well* Okay so you are basically face sitting on him.

enemy turn: *a duel dagger enemy stabs his sat on comrade in the stomach twice with both his daggers, everything is still on fire*

Nymph: Can I use my next attack on this shield and sword guy in front of me?

Me:  Are you getting up first?  You’re still sitting on a man’s face, who’s guts are spilling out by the way.

Nymph: No

Me: Are you stabbing him in the DICK?!

Nymph *cracking up*: YES! *everyone else cracks up*

He killed the shield man

Date in a Box

Words: 9.7k
Genre: Fluff. So much fluff. 

Read more at Service Series

Originally posted by jnjk-pkjm

He called and you came running.

Knock Knock.

The door swings open; a boy dressed in a white shirt, blue jeans and timberlands greets you with frightened doe-eyes. “Are you-”

“Yes I am.” You push your way in, not having enough time to slip off your shoes politely. You take one quick scan of his apartment. “How much time do we have?”

“She’s coming in five minutes.” He says in alarm, scrambling to look at the clock.

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Alphabet Game

This is very long so click the read more!!

A— Arguments:

When Barry’s angry he tends to shut everyone around him out. After a squabble with you, he’d storm out to clear his mind, allowing both of you a good amount of time to calm down before he returns and you two can actually talk things through.

We all also know that Barry is a crier so it’s highly possible that he would break down into tears when either he or you try to apologize. But the night would definitely end with some I’m sorry cuddles or some makeup sex.

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Young God

Jughead x Reader

It’s approaching the last night that the drive through is open, so you and your boyfriend Jughead try to make the best of it. Based off the requested song: Young God by Halsey

Warnings: emotions, kissing, and more emotions

Word Count: 2,027

A/N: I think this is angst? I tried my hardest to get the feel right! AHHH I hope you guys like it. I hope it’s okay


he says “oh baby girl, you know we’re gonna be legends

i’m the king and you’re the queen and we will stumble through heaven.”

The drive-in was Jughead’s favorite place to be besides next to you. It was a bit weird to call him your boyfriend, since you had only been best friends since kindergarten. You were there for Jug over the summer when no one else was, and your feelings that had been right under the surface came to light with late night talks, walking to and from Pop’s and of course, movie nights. It only took about half way through the summer for him to confess that he also had a crush on you, for nearly just as long. Half way through the summer is also when the town got flipped upside down at the announcement of Jason Blossom’s death and the news that the drive-in was going to be shut down. You stood by your boyfriend through all of it, and even supported him when he told you he wanted to start writing a novel about it. Not soon after, you told him you loved him. Only problem was, he hadn’t said those words back.

It was the day before the drive-in was supposed to close, and some of your friends were sitting around a table outside trying to decide what movie was going to be played. It had to be a good one, after all.

“What about Mean Girls?” Kevin suggests, sitting across from you, next to Betty and Veronica. You all stare at him for a moment, thinking it over.

“It is a cult classic.” Betty jumps in to defend his suggestion.

“No way is the last night in the drive-in going to be Mean Girls.” Jughead protests, his eyebrow furrowing as you lean in closer to him. He puts an arm around your waist out of sight from your other friends.

“What about Rebel Without A Cause?” you ask, looking up at him. It was the first movie you ever saw together as a couple, and you knew it was one of his favorites.

He smiles, giving your side a light squeeze, “That sounds perfect.”

“Of course he chooses your pick, you’re the queen of his universe.” Kevin chimes in, clearly annoyed that his pick wasn’t chosen. You guys also weren’t hiding the fact that you were in a relationship anymore. Things were too different when you got back to school, and your friends almost immediately noticed something was up. It only took them a week to get the details out from you.

“And he’s my king.” You smile, chuckling along with your friends.

Kevin made a gagging sound which furthered the laughter. It felt good to laugh like this with your friends, with Jughead. Jug had been so focused lately on trying to keep thing running and also his novel, you barely saw him smile anymore. It was always a good day when you could see him happy.

As the laughter dies down I can tell that Jug has something to say, because whenever he does, he bites his lip and his eyes can’t seem to focus.

“Will you all be there?” Jug asks, looking at all of them expectantly. You knew that this meant the world to him, and it would secretly break his heart if your other friends didn’t come.

“Of course, we wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Betty tells him, looking at Veronica afterwards. Ronnie just smiled and flipped her black hair over her shoulder.

“You heard what my girlfriend said, we’ll be there.” She smirks, nudging Betty on the shoulder. You were so wrapped up in your summer with Jughead you had almost forgotten that not soon after Veronica moved here, she asked out Betty. They had been nearly inseparable since.

Everyone then looked to Kevin, who put his hands up in surrender, “It’s not Mean Girls, but I’ll be there.”

That left Archie, who had decided not to join you today. You didn’t know if they had made up at all, but there was a point in the summer where you weren’t even allowed to say his name without receiving the silent treatment from Jughead. You and Betty passed silent words with each other as you gave her a look. She knew that Archie had to be  there, so she would do what she could to make him.

You felt Jug sigh in relief that everyone he cared about would be there. He wanted the last night to go well, and if he wanted it so did you.

Soon Betty and Ronnie and Kevin got up to leave, they had some English project they had to do, leaving you and Jughead alone.

You could tell he was a bit on edge, so you took his face in your hands and made him look at you, smiling softly at the way his hair curled just the right amount coming out of his beanie.

“It will be okay, I promise.” you say, placing a small kiss on his lips. You only could hope that your words remained true.

But do you feel like a young god?

You know the two of us are just young gods

“Why do you write?” you ask later that night, curled up with him on your bed. You fit together perfectly, your head on his chest and his hand playing with strands of your hair as you just enjoy being near each other. This has become a near nightly occurrence, him staying over at your house. He was welcome any time, as you knew what was going on with  his dad, but you still wonder if something else isn’t going on.

“It releases stress,” he says, taking pauses to think about what he says next, “it’s a surreal feeling when you’re the one in control… like you’re the only one in the universe who can write something the right way, and so you do.” he explains, staring at the ceiling.

You nod your head against his chest, trying to understand his brain. You had been best friends for so long, but he still hid parts of himself away from you. He had parts to himself that were for his eyes only.

You sit up slightly, looking at him with admiration. “Are you okay?” You ask.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” he responds, joining you in sitting up. He rests his head on your shoulder, your back to his chest. He slowly begins placing small kisses on your neck, trailing up and down and back again. You tilt your head to the side to allow him more access.

“No reason, just wondering.” you lie. You know why you asked. You asked because you can tell that something is bothering him, something that he hasn’t told you. This is different from other things he hasn’t said. You know that there’s a portion of himself that he doesn’t like to share, but this is something different. He’s become distracted, preoccupied with something else entirely. He was more upset about the drive-in closing than he was letting on, and you wanted to know why.

“You’re thinking too much.” he says, a smile forming against your neck.

You turn to face him and press your lips to his, stopping him from speaking another word. He deepens the kiss, cupping the side of your face as his other hand slips under your shirt. Your breath hitches at his touch on the small of your back, his cold fingers tracing circles, driving you mad.

Your hand slips under his shirt, feeling his chest, committing to memory all the divots and crevices of his body. This boy was beautiful, and he was all yours. You pull his shirt off over his head, breaking your lips for him only to go back to your neck.

“Kevin was right.” he whispered.

You smile, “And you say I think too much?” you let out a small laugh, opening up your neck as he continues down your chest.

“You’re my queen.” he says.

He says, “Oh, baby girl, don’t get cut on my edges

I’m the king of everything and oh, my tongue is a weapon”

The drive-in was packed, cars lined up in neat rows, people in blankets. You and Jughead were near the back, a blanket laid out in the back of the truck your dad let you borrow for the night.

“It’s just about time.” you say, looking over him as you finish setting out the popcorn and drinks to the side. You hop in the truck and pat the space next to you for him to join you, “Everyone is here, even Archie.” you continue, gesturing to the cars and blankets next to you, your friends chatting about nothing.

Jughead looks nervous, his hands fiddling with each other, his leg shaking as he looks out over the crowd. He turns around and heads back to the building that plays the movie.

You follow close behind him, nearly chasing after him to see what’s going on. He enters through the back door and slams it shut. You hesitate to knock, unsure if he would let you in. You try the doorknob and it’s open, so you try to silently open the door. What you see stuns you as you let the door close.

There’s a small mattress in the middle of the room,  shirts and shorts thrown everywhere. There are posters over some of the walls and a small mirror hanging on the back of the room.

The projector sits neatly at the front, the only part of this room that is actually supposed to be there.

“Jug, what is all this?” you manage to get out. He looks up from his work at the projector, his eyes growing wide. He bites his lip, and then you know that this is what he had been keeping from you.

“(Y/N)! You’re not supposed to be here.” he says, frantically coming around to meet you. He tries to push you out but you stand your ground.

“Shit I’m not, have you been living here?” you demand, looking at him with fire in your eyes.

His body slumps, his eyes fall. “Yes.” he gives in, not daring to meet your gaze.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” your voice softens, stepping closer to him. Your heart broke for your boyfriend, upset that he hadn’t come to you about this sooner.

“Because…” he says, trailing off, his leg beginning to bounce again, his hands pulling at the edges of his beanie, bringing it down further over his head.

“Because?” you push, taking his hands in yours, making him look in your eyes. You just wanted him to be honest with you for once, you wanted to see the parts that he’s hidden.

“Because,, (Y/N).” he says, “Because I didn’t want you to think less of me. I didn’t want you to leave.”

He looks at you with sadness in his eyes. He was about to open his mouth to say something else, but you stopped him with a kiss.

Your hands go to cup either side of his face, his hands hesitant at first, still afraid. You deepen the kiss and he finally wraps you in his embrace. This is the moment you had been waiting for since the end of the summer, the moment when he would tell you, when he would finally open up. You didn’t imagine it exactly like this, but it was perfect, in your own little way.

“Jughead Jones the third,” you whisper against his lips, “I am not going anywhere.” You say making him believe it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” he whispers in return.

“Don’t be, just no more secrets, okay?” you ask, pressing your forehead to his, looking in his eyes.

“Okay.” he says, and then suddenly pulls you down to the makeshift mattress, you falling next to him. He was on top of you, placing light kisses down your neck as  the movie began to roll in the background, “there is one more thing I haven’t told you yet.”

“And what would that be?” you smile.

“I love you, (Y/N).”


Tags: @always-chocolate

The Simplest of Plans

So here it is, my first attempt at a whump/sickfic/langst story.  

I would love to get feedback on if I have done the genre justice and where I should improve my writing.

DISCLAIMER: Graphic injury descriptions and explicit language are both used in this story so reader discretion is advised.

—————————–

Lance groaned as he cracked his eyes open just a little, as he tried to see where he was he realised that he was slumped over the control panel inside Blue.  He winced as he tried to move his body, a sharp pain racing up his body from every direction, he could feel everything so that was a good sign, right?  

Raising his head he looked out through the window in front of him and he realised that he had crashed in Blue as he saw that he was in a large crater with small fires burning all around him.  He croaked out a pained noise, hoping to call out to his team when he realised that his helmet had been knocked loose in the crash and was sitting on the ground a few feet away.  He needed to get in contact with the others, he had to let them know that Blue had no power and couldn’t fight.

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Context: After the party finally gets their crap together, they head into a dungeon, sending their halfling thief out first to investigate an apparent guard room up ahead. Inside he finds a trio of bug bears sitting in front of a fire.
Thief: Bug bears? Oh that sounds cute! Can I pet one?
DM: …sure, I guess.
Thief: Oh AWESOME! I go to the nearest one and pet it then!
DM: It turns around, offering you a skewer of meat. After a small pause, it stabs you.
Thief: wait what?
DM: You seem to narrowly dodge at the last moment. What do you do?
Thief: I leave the room and run to the rest of the party for help.
Fighter: Hm? Does anyone else hear that?
Cleric, just waking up: Hell? What, are we going to try to summon Satan again?
Druid: What?
Thief: BEEAAARS HELP
Cleric: What’s he saying?
Thief: H E L P
Cleric: Hull? What? Does he want us to fix a boat or something?
The rest of the party leaves the caves for a moment to look for a boat that needs repaired. At this time the thief manages to catch up, bringing the Bugbears with him.
Cleric: Oh! “Help!” I get it now!
As the fight begins, the Druid rolls to hit one of the monsters with her flail, but critically fails.
DM: Roll to hit the thief.
Thief: Wait, WHAT WHY ME
Druid: *rolls a nat 1 again*
DM: uh-
Thief: ROLL TO HIT THE FIGHTER
DM: Sure. Roll to hit, I guess.
Druid: *Rolls a three*