and she's too tired and emotionally spent

My Mistake

For ease of access please find below links to all my previous stories;
Sam and Dean Series            Requests and Stand Alones    
Lil Winchester             Heart Song
A Love She Never Knew          Dear Diary
High School Sweethearts       Reader Title Challenge
Enjoy my lovelies.
Regards,
Bec
Xxx
                                                  Stand Alone
                                                 
My Mistake

WORD COUNT: 3600

  ‘You really want to do this again?’ Y/N sighed.
  ‘No, but apparently you do,’ Dean snapped throwing his bag across the library floor.
  ‘Excuse me? I’m not the one getting hostile. Once again it’s you.’
  ‘You the one dumb enough to jump on it and take stupid risks. Apparently these hunts are just making you more of an idiot.’
  Dean watched as her eyes narrowed.
  ‘No, that tends to be imprinted on me from the company I keep.’
  ‘Are you calling me stupid?’
  ‘If the shoe fits Dean.’
  He watched as she sat on the table and looked at him. Her Y/C/E’s were tired, not physically but emotionally. She was done. So was he. Their relationship had taken its toll. Sam was even travelling in a separate car to the two of them.
   Dean and Y/N had been together forever. But lately things had been different. The hunts more stressful, the consequences of a bad hunt worse than normal. Dean began to wonder if the fights weren’t just stress related, if it was them. Maybe it was him. They didn’t talk as much as they used too, he spent most nights awake and when he finally come to bed he didn’t want to disturb her so he slept on the opposite side of the bed. The sex, well what sex? They had it but it wasn’t intimate it was more of a mercy jump for sexual relief than anything. They had no physical contact unless it was a quickie. He can’t remember the last time they even really kissed. He had no idea how or when it got that bad. He ran through how miserable they both were and made a decision.
  ‘I think we should just call it quits,’ he muttered.
  He watched as her face changed, as shock came over it.
  ‘What?’
  ‘You and I. We’re done Y/N.’
  He watched as the tears formed in her eyes. She went to talk to him but he stopped her.
  ‘Don’t. It’s not worth the fight.’
  ‘Us? Our relationship? Is not worth the fight?’
  Dean shook his head and grabbed a bottle of whiskey and went to what was their room and shut and locked the door. He could hear Sam telling Y/N he didn’t mean it as he walked off, he hadn’t realised he was behind him when he spoke. He scoffed at the bottle as he took a mouthful. What did Sam know? He continued to drink well into the night, passing out as he finished the bottle.

  He woke the next morning. Memories from last night came flooding back and he felt horrible. Did he seriously end it with Y/N? Was it a good thing that he did? His biggest fear was that he was only with her out of habit and convenience and if that was the case it wasn’t fair on her.
  He walked through his door and stood shocked at the scene in front of him. Where the hell was he? He started to panic, but calmed as he saw Y/N and Sam approaching.
  ‘Hey,’ Y/N grinned at him.
  Dean was relieved maybe he hadn’t ended it, maybe it was all a drunk dream. He slipped his arm around her waist and kissed her. Panic spreading through him as she held her hands up and didn’t kiss him back. Worse when she pulled back.
  ‘If you’re wanting to rehearse lines that’s fine. But a little warning. Plus, you know we don’t normally rehearse that. Are you feeling ok?’
  Dean looked at her.
  ‘What?’
  ‘You didn’t fall asleep on set again did you? Jensen,’ she sighed. ‘Dani’s going to kill you. She had a whole date thing planned last night.’
  ‘What?’
  ‘Dude?’ Sam laughed. ‘Are you drunk?’
  ‘Sammy, what the hell is going on? Y/N, baby? And who the hell is Dani?’
  He watched as Y/N and Sam exchanged looks.
  ‘I’m Jared,’ Sam told him slowly. ‘This is Addison. We’re your best friends and co-stars. Danneel is your fiancé, and she is going to be pissed you missed your date last night.’
   Dean looked at them panicked. Who the hell is Jared and Addison?
  ‘Jensen?’ Y/N said softly, putting her hand on his arm.
  ‘Baby, seriously? What’s going on? I know I was a jerk last night but I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry. I don’t want to break up.’
  He watched as she frowned at him
  ‘Do you think he’s still dreaming?’ she asked Sam.
  ‘Sleep walking?’
  ‘Don’t know but he’s needs a hell of an excuse to get out trouble. Maybe we can tell Dani he hit is head?’
  ‘Maybe,’ Sam frowned.
  Dean kept his eyes on Y/N or Addison. They heard a song break out and Dean watched as she pulled her phone from her pocket.
  ‘Hey Baby,’ she grinned.
  Dean watched curious, mad and a million other emotions. Who the hell was she calling baby? He was her baby.
   ‘No, I’m done for the day. I meet you at home…Love you too.’
   Dean was ready to snatch the phone out of her hand. She was his. Why the hell was she saying “I love you” to someone else.
   ‘Gotta go. I’m not needed for the day and Chris is back in town,’ she grinned. ‘I’ve got a hot date with a spa and my man. I’ll catch you two later.’
   Dean watched absolutely heart broken as she grinned at him and Sam and left.
  ‘Sammy what the hell is going on?’ Dean asked, tears falling down his face. ‘Why the hell is my girl going off to meet some other guy?’
   Dean felt Sam’s eyes on him, he looked worried and concerned.
  ‘Let’s go back to my trailer and talk.’
  Dean nodded and followed.

  Walking inside Dean found several awards on a shelf, and several photo’s of Sam and Ruby.
  ‘What the hell are you doing in these with Ruby?’
  ‘Ah that’s Gen, my wife. Ruby is her character when she was on the show.’
  ‘Show?’
  Sam gave him a run down. They were the cast of a TV show, Supernatural. Dean’s real name was Jensen Ackles, he played Dean Winchester. Sam’s real name was Jared Padalecki who played Sam Winchester, Dean’s younger brother. Addison Smith played Y/F/N Y/L/N, Dean’s love interest in the show. The trio were hunters. In real life, they were actors on the TV show. Jensen was engaged to actress Danneel Harris, Jared was married to Genevieve, and Y/N had been dating Chris Evans for about a year.
  ‘She’s dating that douche Captain?’ he yelled.
  ‘Yes. You’re the one who set it up. You’d think you would remember.’
  ‘What?’
  ‘You heard Chris fangirling over seeing Y/N from a distance and you knew Y/N thought he was just as amazing. So you introduced the two of them. They’ve been happily together since.’
   Dean struggled to breath, how was this even happening. He needed her back, she was his not someone else’s. She had always been his. He felt the tears in his eyes. He couldn’t imagine a life without her.
  He thought back to last night and how stupid he had been. This was his fault, he ended it. He hated himself.
 ‘You ok man?’ Jared asked him.
 ‘Yeah, I just… a lot to take in.’
 ‘Ah, sure ok. You should probably call Dani, before she panics. I wouldn’t go mentioning you and Addy though, she might take it the wrong way. Maybe you should go get the medics to check you over or something. Maybe it’s food poisoning?’
  Dean nodded, Jared walked him to his trailer and Dean walking inside and looked around at the photos of him with some hot girl, he had seen a few times on the TV. He saw a laptop and did some googling. He looked up himself, and Y/N or Addison. There was quite a few pictures of the two of them at Comi Cons. He watched short videos of the two and their relationships was purely platonic. He saw footage of her and Chris taken by some sleezy photographer. Pictures of the two of them at the new Avengers premier. Y/N was wearing a cream Grecian style dress. He looked at the way Chris looked at her. She was his world. Addison was his world, not Y/N. Dean told himself. He felt his stomach churn when he found photo’s of Chris and Y/N kissing. He looked at how tender and loving it was. He looked at the way Y/N looked at Chris afterwards, like he was the only thing in existence. The same way she used to look at him. He felt his heart break.
  He went to look further when his phone rang.
  ‘Hello?’
  ‘Jensen?’
  ‘Yes.’
  ‘Babe, you ok? Jared said you’re not feeling too well. Something about food poisoning?’
  ‘Yeah, bad food.’
  Dean guessed he was talking to Dani, he frowned.
  ‘Is that why you missed dinner last night?’
  ‘Yeah that’s why.’
  ‘Want me to come to the set? I have a few days off?’
  ‘No!’
  ‘Sorry?’
  ‘No, babe. I’ll be fine. Plus there a few big scenes to shoot.’
  ‘Ok, well I have to fly back out soon, so I’ll see you again in a few weeks. I love you baby.’
  ‘I love you too.’
  Dean fought back a sick feeling. He had never told anyone other than Y/N he loved them.

  Dean started researching trying to figure out how he got here. Where here was. How to get back. Twelve hours later he was at a loss.
   ‘Jensen, we gotta go. Make up calls,’ Jared banged on his trailer door.
   ‘Where’s Addy?’ Dean asked climbing down the stairs.
   ‘She’s not due until tomorrow. You feeling any better?’
   ‘Just peachy.’
   After five hours of shooting Robert Singer called it a day. Dean was grateful, he had done the same scene so many times.
   ‘Might pay to read some lines before tomorrow,’ Robert muttered to Dean.
   He nodded and rushed back to his trailer and washed off the make up. He heard a knock on his trailer door. Opening it he found Y/N.
   ‘Hey, Jared called. He’s pretty worried about you. Everything ok?’
   Dean pulled her into his trailer and shut the door.
  ‘What’s going on Jensen?’ she frowned.
  ‘My names Dean, not Jensen. You’re not Addison, you’re Y/N. And this isn’t our life. We are hunters. We have been dating since we were like 10. I have no idea how I got here, but Baby I need you to remember, I need you to help get us home.’
   He watched as her jaw dropped.

   ‘Sweetie, is this some part of the script I haven’t got yet?’
   ‘No, it’s the truth. You have to believe me. This is killing me. You off with that Chris guy. He’s a douche Y/N, you’re mine. We’re meant to be together.’
  Y/N stared at him. Her face full of sadness and pity.
   ‘I knew it was getting too much. Them trying to push the schedule forward. The increased hours so we can make the next convention.’
  ‘No it’s not that.’
  She gave him a hug and Dean pulled her in tight and breathed her in.
  ‘I’ll talk to them, see what I can sort out. Maybe you should head back to LA, spend some time with Dani. Clear your mind, de-stress.’
   ‘What? No. I’m not leaving you.’
   ‘Ok, sure,’ she smiled at him. ‘I should go. I have a fight scene tomorrow with Jared. Get some sleep, and if you’re going to stay, learn some lines.’
    She gave him another hug and left. Dean panicked he didn’t know what to do. He picked up his script off the table and looked at it. It was a hunt they had undertaken a few months ago, he remembered it clearly as Y/N almost died. She went after the Wendigo to stop it getting to Dean and almost died. She spent several weeks in hospital. He thought he lost her that hunt. It scared the crap out of him. He realised how dangerous this life was, how she would do anything for him. He swore then he wouldn’t let her sacrifice herself for him. He wasn’t worth her life. It was not long after that the fights started. Dean read over the script, tears falling down as he remembered what happened.

   The next morning, he went on set and watched as Jared and Addison acted out their parts. As they joked around. He got called up to the set and he took his place and watched as the scene played out. He burst into tears as he watched her fall. He threw himself over her as he had months before, he ran his hand over her face.
  ‘Baby? Baby? Please don’t leave me. I’m going to get you outta this ok?’ he sobbed.
  He watched as Y/N opened her eyes and frowned before cracking up at something behind him.
  ‘I’m sorry Jared’s being a dork. Dude you totally messed up the scene,’ she scowled at Jared. ‘I actually believed he was sad.’
  ‘Sorry man,’ Jared chuckled. ‘Here let me help fix the lady,’ he grinned, bending down to scope Y/N into his arms. ‘Addison my love, I’ve come to rescue you.’
   Dean watched as Y/N went dramatically limp in Sam’s arms.
  ‘My kisses will save the fair princess,’ Jared smirked.
  Dean watched as Y/N’s eyes flew open.
  ‘What? No! Shit!’ she squealed, as Sam blew raspberry’s over her face, neck and collar bone. ‘EWWW Jared that’s wet. Oh my God, you slobbered on me you damn dog.’
   He watched as Jared dropped her with flourish onto her feet and Y/N used his shirt to clean up the mess.
   

   He trudged back to the trailer and found the script for the next episode, Y/N in hospital. Dean didn’t even need to read it to know what happened. She met Tessa then and almost died. Dean traded Y/N’s life for a hunt that almost took his own. Some monster killing people before their time at the hospital.

  Dean spent the next few weeks acting out hunts and their lives over the last few months. The more he acted out the more of jerk he realised he was to Y/N, how the distance in their relationship was all on him. How he had done it in hopes she would just leave the hunting world. How if he criticised her hunting skills enough she might give up and go live an apple pie life. He watched the behind the scenes action he missed, when he left for the bars or drives. He watched Y/N crying on Sam’s shoulder, the sad looks she gave him as he left to go to another bar.
  The more he watched, the more he hated himself. The more he fell in love with Y/N all over again. He watched how she never gave up on him, on them. How all she did was try and find a way to fix it.
   He watched as Addison’s relationship with Chris grew stronger. Jared told him Chris was thinking of proposing and had asked Jared if he thought she would say yes. Dean’s blood boiled listening to him talk about it.

  The scene came up where Y/N and Dean had the argument that lead him here. Dean took his place not sure he could go through this again.
  ‘You really want to do this again?’
  ‘No, but apparently you do.’
  ‘Excuse me? I’m not the one getting hostile. Once again it’s you.’
  ‘You the one dumb enough to jump on it and take stupid risks. Apparently these hunts are just making you more of an idiot.’
  ‘No that tends to be imprinted on me from the company I keep.’
  ‘Are you calling me stupid?’
  ‘If the shoe fits Dean.’
  Dean knew his next line but he couldn’t say it. He looked at his girl in front of him, he couldn’t loose her. He couldn’t walk away. He couldn’t live without her.
   ‘I…I…’
   He watched as Addison looked at him, a small smile on her face. Dean tried to regain his composure.
   ‘I love you Baby, you’re my life. And I was a douche to treat you that way. Please forgive me.’ He rushed forward and took her face in his hands and kissed her.
   Y/N looked at him and frowned.
  ‘Did someone re write the script? Cos that makes it really awkward for Y/N to say no.’  
  ‘No, I swear. It’s all me Sweetheart.’
  ‘Well I sorta need you to break my heart. I need to pack my bags and get outta town for 6 months while I shoot that movie. Maybe longer,’ she grinned.
   ‘You’re leaving?’ he panicked.
   ‘First thing tomorrow. We went through this when Marvel offered me the contract. If the movie goes well, their killing me off, remember,’ she smiled.
   ‘What? No! How?’
   ‘Jensen,’ Robert called. ‘You ok?’
   ‘You’re killing her off?’
  ‘She asked for it. Solo hunt gone wrong. Cos you know how Y/N is, she’s more likely to do some dumb ass hero thing without Dean around to stop her.’
   Dean watched in horror as Y/N smiled at him.
  ‘Dean’s an idiot, hunting solo won’t save her. C’mon Sweetie we need to wrap this up before Jared goes on another stupid kick, I watched him down a whole box of sour straps he’s on a sugar high.’
   Dean swallowed back the tears and finished out the scene. Before storming off to his trailer.

   He lay on his bed, were they right? Would Y/N die if he wasn’t around? Was she more likely to die hunting solo than by his side? Was all that pushing for nothing?
   There was a knock on the door and he got up and answered it.
   ‘Hey, are you ok? You’re really starting to freak me out.’
   Dean moved so she could come inside.
  ‘You’re truly leaving?’
  ‘Yup, bags are packed, ticket booked.’
   Dean swallowed back more tears.
   ‘Y/N, Addy,’ he corrected. ‘I love you. So much. I should have told you more, I should have shown you more. You’re my life, always have been.’
   He watched as tears came to her eyes. She had no idea what was happening.
   Dean moved closer to her, and lent down kissing her softly to start. Gently. Tenderly, letting his lips and tongue ignite her senses.
   ‘Jensen?’ she gasped.
   He pulled her in to his lips, moving with more emotion, than before. More love and desperation. His fingers intertwined through her hair. A small moan leaving her lips. Her tongue moving against his. He pushed her back up against the wall, and for the first time in months he showed her all the love he felt, all the desire and passion he was desperate for her to experience, for him to experience.
   He pulled back and rested his forehead on hers.
  ‘I can’t live without you. I never meant to break your heart. Forgive me please. Take me back.’
   He captured her lips again and moved her towards the bed, running his hands over her body. What happened next was so magical, so amazing that it almost didn’t feel real. After they had finished Dean rolled over and wrapped his arms around Y/N, pulling her flush against him.
   ‘I love you Y/N,’ he whispered as he drifted off.
 

  Waking Dean realised, Y/N was gone and he was holding a pillow. His trailer was dark, his heart broken. She had left anyway. He rolled over and turned on the light, finding himself in the bunker. He frowned and got up walking through his bedroom door and into the hallway. Looking around he realised it was the real bunker. He ran into the library and looked around, his bag from the hunt was still on the library floor. He rushed from room to room checking it was all real and not a stage prop.
   He ran through the halls checking each room as he went trying to find Y/N. Eventually finding her in the room furthest from his. Curled up on the bed with the ratty old blanket from the viewing room.
   He looked at her like he was seeing her for the first time. There was not a chance in hell he was letting her leave tomorrow. Not a chance he was going to live his life without her. He considered his options but nothing seemed right. Not after the jerk he’d been. But right now he needed her, to hold her at the very least.
   He climbed in behind her and pulled her into his arms.
   ‘Dean?’ she mumbled.
   ‘Yeah Baby. I’m so sorry. I love you so much. I can’t do this without you and I was wrong pushing you away won’t keep you safe. It will kill us both. In every way.’
   ‘I love you too Dean.’
   She rolled over and laid her head on his chest. Dean’s heart still trying to recover from the past few hours. Hours, it seemed hard to believe that was only hours not weeks.

   Dean stayed awake the through the night watching her sleep. He was so scared if he closed his eyes she would disappear or he would loose her again. He watched as she stirred and looked up at him sleepily.
  ‘I love you baby,’ he murmured kissing her.
  ‘I love you too. I’m sorry about last night,’ she apologised.
  ‘You don’t need to apologise Y/N. Last night, the past few months was all on me.’
  ‘Speaking of last night…’
  ‘I don’t want to break up Y/N. I can’t live a life without you as my girl.’
  ‘God to hear,’ she grinned.
  ‘Although you may have competition,’ she smirked.
  Dean felt sick and paled at what she said next.
  ‘I had the weirdest dream last night. I was dating Chris Evans, you know Captain America. You were engaged to that Danneel chick from One tree hill and Sammy was married to Ruby…’
 

Okay, so this is my first Swan Queen one shot, inspired by this thing. Hope you like it!


Emma notices the first time Regina almost dies. The damn woman almost gets her soul sucked out of her body by the wraith, is forced to hear that Henry and Emma’s wish was the only thing keeping her alive, and everyone is expecting her to be invincible. That, Oh, she’s the Evil Queen, she’ll be fine. She doesn’t need to be checked on.

Emma grabs Regina’s arm on the way out of the sheriff’s station, pulling her into an empty interrogation room. She asks the brunette if she’s okay, only to receive an I’m fine, Miss Swan, and suddenly she’s alone in the middle of the room.

She doesn’t say a word when she finds Regina throwing up the contents of her stomach in the bushes behind the station, just holds raven locks away from her face and hands her a bottle of water.

The next time is when Emma comes home to Storybrooke after being sucked up by Jefferson’s hat. Something’s different about Regina, she can tell. But when she asks, Regina doesn’t say anything, crossing her arms across her chest. Of course, this shifts the older woman’s shirt and scarf, revealing the dark green and purple bruising marring the usually perfect skin of her neck. Emma gasps, but Regina has already moved her scarf back into place and has rushed out of the room.

Knowing she won’t get anything out of Regina, she turns to David, who tells her all about the monst- no, he’s a person: Daniel, Regina’s Daniel. How he’d almost choked the life out of Regina before recognising the love of his life. And how she’d been forced to put him out of his misery.

Emma’s heart breaks at this and she screams at David for not checking up on Regina.

I’m sorry, he says, holding up his hands. I didn’t think-

Of course you didn’t, Emma spits out and storms from the room.

She finds Regina at the cemetery, sitting on the steps of her family mausoleum. Emma sits beside her, pretending not to notice the tears streaming down the other woman’s face.

The next time, Emma’s a little broken herself. She’s just lost Neal, for the second time. But there’s no time to mourn for the Savior and apparently no time to heal for the so-called Evil Queen. She can tell that Regina is in no way in any condition to be running around, trying to save Storybrooke. The woman is exhausted from being electrocuted for almost forty-eight hours straight. The burn marks on her temples are still fresh, her eyes are rimmed red with pain, and her body shakes with every step.

They don’t seem to remember that Regina’s been tortured until Emma has to ask them to stop and let Regina take a breather. Even then, as Regina leans against the wall, taking huge heaving breaths and trying to control the tremors in her legs, they’re waiting impatiently, because there are so many other important lives to save. It doesn’t even occur to them that the broken woman in front of them might be a little human, too.

Emma stays behind with Regina. She doesn’t say a word, just places a comforting hand on Regina’s shoulder. For once, the brunette doesn’t protest and maybe even leans into the touch, grateful for the support.

And later, Regina is still in no condition to use any sort of magic, but still insists on using a fatal amount to destroy the trigger.

Let me die as Regina, she says, her voice cracking. Emma stares at her, and she can tell Regina is just so tired, tired of the labels, tired of living.

And Emma decides she’s tired of the labels too. She never wanted to be the Savior, but she was going to save Regina, to show her that she was worth it and that her life meant something.

She raises her hands over the trigger and light streams out of her palms, coursing into the glowing black diamond.

And then Storybrooke is saved, but oh god, they’ve taken Henry.

At this point, Regina’s still not strong enough to be transcending realms, but she comes along anyways, pain hidden behind a mask of sarcasm. Nobody seems to realise she not okay, but Regina’s used to it.

And then there’s Emma.

Emma seems to be the only one to be able to see through the facade Regina puts on, and she’s always there, placing comforting touches on the brunette’s arm, shoulder, back.

She says nothing when Regina wakes up in the middle of the night, screaming and sometimes sobbing uncontrollably.

She just scoots over, inviting the petite brunette to slip underneath her blankets and snuggle up into her chest. Long pale fingers run through silky black tresses until Regina’s relaxed enough to fall back asleep, curled up in the warmth of Emma.

My Emma.

She lets that slip one night after a particularly bad nightmare, too tired and emotionally spent to think clearly. Emma blushes, but still doesn’t say a word. Regina smiles sleepily and drifts off to sleep, but not before pressing a feather-like kiss on Emma’s cheek.

The next time is during the second curse, after Emma returned to save them all. Regina goes to the witch fight against Zelena and is tossed through the window of the clocktower. Granted, this time people are more sympathetic, but they fail to see what Emma sees.

She sees the veil of pain in Regina’s eyes, notices the way she holds her ribcage gingerly, cradling her right arm (which under her thick coat, seems to be bent at an unnatural angle), and how she’s only putting pressure on one of her legs, the other also sort of bent and twisted weirdly.

Emma drives Regina home and despite the older woman’s protests, follows her into the house.

Just let me take care of you, she pleads.

Miss Swan, I can take care of myself, Regina replies, but her voice, weak and soft with pain, betrays her.

At least let me help, she begs and finally, finally Regina relents. They work together to magically heal all of Regina’s cuts and bruises and broken bones. Emma takes extra care with her injuries, running pale fingers across olive skin, trying to ignore the electricity that buzzed beneath the surface.

The last time is the worst, with the horrible black darkness swirling around Regina. It sucks the light out of her and Emma can’t handle it.

You’ve worked to hard to have your happiness destroyed! she screams, taking a step forward.

No, there has to be another way! Regina yells desperately. Emma, I won’t let you do this!

Tears fall from chocolate brown eyes as they lock with green ones.

I love you, Emma whispers, and Regina nods, repeating the words back to her Emma.

Emma thrusts the dagger into the black swirling mass and she gets sucked up in the vortex of darkness.

The dagger clatters to the floor and Emma’s name menacingly glints up at Regina.

This time, there’s no one to stop her from dying, and she almost does, searching for a way to get her Emma back. She doesn’t eat, she doesn’t sleep. And there’s no one to stop her from doing so.

Until there is.

Suddenly, her Emma is there, her blond curls slicked back into a tight bun and her red leather jacket switched for a black one. But it’s okay, Regina doesn’t mind a bit of darkness. All that matters is that her Emma is here.

Emma, she whispers.

Hi.

anonymous asked:

"I wish you would come back. I wish I never asked you to make that stupid promise. And I wish you knew that I'll never forget you for as long as I live. And I really wish you were right here, right now."- Caroline

This is a longer one as a little apology for not being able to update last night :)

                                        

Caroline curled up on her childhood bed. Her stuffed brown bear was on her lap as she played with it absentmindedly and allowed herself to think about the past few days. It had been the toughest ones of her life so far. Much harder than adjusting to vampire life, and even that little bit more unbelievable than when her father died. 

The house was the quietest than it had been over the recent weeks. People had been dropping by to pass on their condolences and see how she was doing. Caroline’s in built manners meant she couldn’t throw them out or turn them away whenever it got too much. Her friends were constantly with her, making sure she was never physically alone and, she suspected, making sure she didn’t turn off her emotions.

It had been tempting, Caroline couldn’t deny it. The only time she really had thought about it was the first morning she woke up as an orphan and realised even as a human, she was far too young to be without a family. A sob had racked her body as she slowly registered what it truly meant for her mom to be dead. It wasn’t only that she would never see her again, but she would never get to hug her, talk to her or even receive her assuring smiles when life got tough.

Life had reached its toughest point, but her mom wasn’t there anymore.

She had cleared out her house that evening, insisting that she would be alright for one night by herself. It probably wasn’t the wisest decision considering all she had done was sit on her bed, but she couldn’t take the sympathetic looks or the coddling any longer. She needed time to herself and comfort, but the latter somehow never came. She suspected it never would.

Spotting her phone on her bedside table, Caroline picked it up and scrolled through the messages and missed calls she had received nonstop. There were even a few voicemails, including one from Steven, her father’s former partner.

Listening patiently to them all, her heart stopped when she reached the end of her new messages and played the one she had saved from just before graduation. As Klaus’ voice rang in her ear, informing her about his favourite place on earth, she recalled how she had been meaning to contact him but had simply slipped her mind.

Disconnecting the voicemail, she dialled his number and held the phone to her ear. She wasn’t sure whether she wasn’t him to answer or not, though she got her answer when she felt disappointment shoot through her at the automated voice of his inbox telling her to leave a message.

“Hey, I just thought I’d call and say thanks. For the, uh, flowers,” Caroline said, referring to the mixed bouquet of roses, lilies and carnations he had sent. The card that had came with it had only stated his condolences and signed with The Mikaelson Family, just like every other delivery she had received. “I mean, they’re pretty and are lost among the rest of the bouquets everyone else has left or sent, but thank you for the flowers nonetheless.”

Sighing, she cleared her throat to calm herself down. It didn’t matter how long she had been a vampire for, she had discovered that intense emotions were something she would never be able to control. The biting annoyance she had been too numb to feel the day she had gotten the flowers came back to her now. After everything he had done when he had been in Mystic Falls, after everything he had promised her, told her, vowed to show her; that was what he thought she needed? More flowers? 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean- No, actually, I did,” she began before changing her sentence halfway through when she realised that she had no need to apologise. “I appreciate the gesture but seriously, Klaus? My mom’s dead. She’s gone and she’s never coming back, but you could have.”

The words rolled off her tongue before she could even think about them, but she realised how untrue they were. He couldn’t come back because she had told him not to. It was probably the best decision she had made regarding him (after giving in to her feelings that one time in the woods), but that was when she had a plan for her life. When she had a human life to live, and a human to live it for. Now, her mother was gone and the more she thought about it, the more she realised that the only thing that had kept her in Mystic Falls was her and everything she was doing to make her proud. 

And god, but she could really do with having someone around who wouldn’t always tiptoe around her, or constantly glance at her with sympathy and pity, or ask her how she was doing. Heck, even someone who was just there for her and told her it was ok to stay locked up in her room and under her covers all day instead of having to make nice with any guests who might pop by to see her. Caroline knew she couldn’t have made it through the past couple of weeks without her friends, but it simply wasn’t the same as having a someone

“I wish you would come back. I wish I never asked you to make that stupid promise,” Caroline admitted, clutching her teddy to her stomach at she recalled the long hours they had spent in the woods that day, and how it had seemed she had gotten the best of both worlds. Tired and emotionally drained, she carried on with the realisation that she simply didn’t have the energy to pretend anymore. “And I wish you knew that I’ll never forget you for as long as I live. And I really wish you were right here, right now.”

Pausing, Caroline waited until the tears that pricked her eyes began to subside. She had spent far too much time crying recently, and her eyes ached enough as it was. She would not spill any more, especially over a man. Taking a steadying breath (with a hysterical side of her wondering how she hadn’t been cut off yet), she came to a conclusion. 

“The funeral’s on Sunday, and I have some things to sort out with the house and all, but I think I might come down to New Orleans after. If you’ll still have me, of course,” she stated, realising that perhaps some time away would do her some good. Whether going to Klaus was a great idea or not, she wasn’t sure, but it was the only thing she could think of at that moment that might just keep her from ultimately crashing and burning. “I really hope you will because I feel so alone here without my mom and I could do with a distraction. So, uh, let me know?”

Caroline never heard back from him, and after the next day, she put it out of her mind. Perhaps somewhere like Miami would have been a better place to recollect herself before she adjusted to life without her mother. 

The funeral passed uneventfully, and she was pretty sure she went through it in a trance. Her friends stood by her side; urging her on whenever it was needed, hugging her when she failed to keep herself together or simply squeezing her hand when she hadn’t realised her nails were a millimetre away from breaking the skin of her palms.

It was only at the wake when it finally hit her. The house was filled with almost everyone from the town (everyone knew the Sheriff) and chatter was low but constant. Being the planner that she was, Caroline threw herself into making sure everything was ok; from the food to the drinks to even the paper plates and cups. It was when she was straightening up the napkins that her vampire hearing picked up on a conversation between two people she knew were part of the Founding Families.

“After everything that went on in this town, its surprising it was cancer that took Liz in the end.” 

They were words she had thought before, but hearing them out loud hit her the most. Everything her mother had done to protect the town, everything Caroline had done to try and protect her, and it wasn’t even the supernatural that killed her. It was the most human thing that existed; illness. 

Caroline pushed herself through the groups of people to the back door, shoving it open with all her might as she ignored the murmurings behind her. Clutching the railing of the back porch, she hiccupped through the lump that was perpetually stuck in her throat. Her heart was beating far too quickly for her undead body and her sight was swarming. Shuddering breaths came out unevenly, all the while as she wished her mom was right there to tell her what was happening to her.

She shook off the hands tugging at her waist, slapping them away when they failed to stop trying. She wanted to be left alone, despite feeling like her heart would simply burst at any moment. Perhaps it would give her the reprieve she was looking for.

Caroline wanted to yell, scream and shout at whoever it was that thought it was a wise idea to manhandle her when she was clearly having a panic attack, but words simply wouldn’t formulate. The person was too strong for her to fight, and as they turned her around to face them (a him; tall and blonde, she could decipher through blurred eyes), she felt cool hands against her neck as thumbs swiped comfortingly at her jaw.

“Hey, hey, its ok, you’re ok,” the accented voice assured her softly, trying to catch her eyes when she averted them to try and regulate her breathing. Placing a hand over her chest, she could feel the thumping of her heart like it hadn’t beat in almost two years.

Shaking her head, she pinched her eyes closed as she sobbed out, “I can’t br- I can’t breathe.”

“Caroline, sweetheart, you don’t need to breathe, ok? You’re a vampire; we don’t breathe,” Klaus (she had now determined) told her matter-of-factly. The knowledge shocked her for long enough to inhale a string of shaky breaths before stopping altogether when she simply couldn’t breathe out again. It felt physically impossible to do so. Opening her eyes, she met Klaus’ with a trembling chin as she struggled to keep her wits about her and not fall back into the human need to breathe (however restricting it currently was). “That’s it, love.”

Blowing out her breath through slightly parted lips, she waited until her hiccups subsided to try and inhale again. Though it felt like hours, it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes before she could regulate her breathing again. Her chest still ached from her heaving (though she was sure the pain she felt on the inside was due to something else entirely).

Indulging in his closeness, Caroline matched her breathing with Klaus’ until it stopped burning the rawness in her throat with every intake. Exhaling deeply, she stiffened infinitesimally when she suddenly realised just how close he was and the tender touch of his hands resting lightly on her flushed skin.

Klaus seemed to noticed too, if the way he slowly retracted his hands and stepped back to put a little bit more space between them was anything to go by. Taking him in, she wondered how long he had been in town (or if he had attended the service too). Dressed in his formal black suit, even the sombre occasion made him look dapper. Then again, if nothing else, death was Klaus’ forte.

“Why are you here?” Caroline asked curiously, folding and rubbing her bare arms simply to do something with them.

“I came to pay my respects,” he told her, inclining his head slightly to the house where she hoped her friends were doing their best to the guests from worrying about her. The last thing she needed on top of all this was the rest of the town wondering (gossiping, more like) whether she had had a breakdown.

Furrowing her brows, incredulity overtook her as she tried to cast her mind back to when the Mikaelsons still lived in Mystic Falls. “Did you even speak to my mom? Ever?

Klaus opened his mouth to retort, but she shot him down with a glare. Clearing his throat, he gave her a ghost of his normal smile as he told her, “She accused me and my siblings of many things, most of them true. I believe she threatened me once, too,” he added, words lined with a sense of appreciation.

“Yeah, that’s Mom,” Caroline said affectionately, shaking her head at the thought of her human mother standing up and threatening not only a supernatural creature, but the Original Hybrid at that. If there was ever a moment where she was more grateful for him being in love with her (or had been, at least), she couldn’t think of it. Reaching out, she placed a hand on his arm and squeezed it gently. “Thank you for coming, Klaus. I honestly wasn’t expecting you.”

“Your voicemail got me thinking,” he told her, nodding solemnly. “I never wanted you to feel alone; it was never meant for you. So I came to see if there was anything I could do here until we go back New Orleans.”

His use of ‘we’ hadn’t slipped her past her, but she couldn’t find it in herself to feel the relief or the joy at the fact that he was still willing to fulfil his promise of showing her his city. She knew it meant more than that. It was his way of telling her that he would be staying until she was ready to leave, to be there for her like she had wished.

Acknowledging words with another squeeze of his arm, she dropped her hand to wave it dismissively in the air. “It might be a little while. There’s a lot of stuff I need to do still,” she informed him with a watery smile to give him an out (because she refused to believe he would put her first until she saw it) before scrunching up her nose in thought. “I don’t even know what I need to do, honestly.” 

Klaus chuckled lightly and grabbed the hand she had left hovering in the air. Turning it around, she inhaled sharply when he grazed his lips against the back of it before lowering their joined hands in the space between them.“You can tell me as you find out,” he informed her, making his intentions clear about staying for as long as she needed.

“We, uh- We should go back inside,” Carolie stuttered slightly, realising he wasn’t going to let go of her hand until she made him. Her friends were all inside, and though she knew they wouldn’t make a remark today of all days, she knew they would already be on edge by the fact Klaus was there in the first place. 

But right then, she didn’t particularly care about what they would think, do or not say. In the midst of her anxiety and shock of seeing him, she hadn’t spared a thought towards them. They must have wondered the same thing as she had about his presence, and Caroline knew there would be questions about what had transpired on the porch. 

Sliding her hand around to meet his palm with her own, she slipped her fingers between his and tightened her hold on him. It kept her grounded and level headed for the first time in a while. It was the comfort she had been searching for all along; the one focused solely on her without a care about anything or anyone else.

Straightening her back and holding her chin up high, she met Klaus’ eyes one final time to make sure he was alright with what she had decided on their behalf. His warm eyes and miniscule nod was all she needed to lead them back towards the door that would take them inside.

Making sure to keep the distance between them as small as possible without seeming too intimate, her friends’ eyes sought them out immediately upon their entrance, drifting down to the way she obviously clutched at his hand not a second later. There were going to be questions and curious glances after the moment outside anyway; why not add to it?