and probably a lot of diseases now

i loved you, then i lost you {2}

a/n: hello this is nashi speaking and i am extremely shook by everything thats happened in the past few days omg ive never been this hyped to type


pairing: taehyung x reader

genre: fluff + angst

summary: you watched and watched as taehyung suffered from his one-sided love, comforting him when he cried, comforting him as he threw up those fucking flower petals. it hurt you whenever he would stare lovingly into that girl’s eyes, giggling and playing with her hair. it pained you when he kept throwing up flowers, pushing the thought that his lover didn’t love him away; he was so dejected, yet he never saw how much happiness he brought to you.

Originally posted by taetaehyungs

Oh fuck, oh fuck. Oh fuck. You watched in horror as flowers continued to fall down from your mouth, your continuous coughs seeming to last an eternity. ‘Stop coughing already’ you told yourself countless times - which was useless, your body hated your mind. Every time you tried to muffle your cough and fail, your eyes followed the stairs going upstairs, praying Taehyung couldn’t hear you in his sleep. Sure, he was a deep sleeper - but your coughs were damn loud in your ears. Was this how Taehyung felt when he first got the disease? The suffocating feeling that took place in your throat felt uncomfortable and scary - like you were going to choke. You raised your head towards the ceiling, closing your eyes. A wave of relief washed over you when the flowers no longer came out, wiping the tears away. “I need to clean this up..” You murmured, standing up shakily and walking towards the kitchen to grab a bag. 

When picking up the flowers to dump in the bag, it was surprisingly dry. You’d expect it to be wet, but no - the world really was weird, you thought. After piling them all up into the bag, you threw them in the trash can and wrapped your arms around your waist. “I should see a doctor..” You bit down on your lip. You couldn’t tell Taehyung about this. Snatching your keys and slipping shoes on, you rushed out the house and into your car. Turning the engine on, you gripped the steering wheel tightly to the point where your knuckles became white. “Alright.” You took a deep breathe in, pushing down on the pedal.

The hospital was quite big - well, I mean, of course. How else would they keep patients? You walked in the building quietly, turning around a corner and into a small room. “Seokjin?” You asked quietly, knocking on the door. The well-framed man turned around, his round glasses sliding down his nose. 

“(y/n)! What are you doing here?” Jin smiled, pushing up his glasses and gesturing for you to come in.

“Sorry for the sudden meeting,” you smiled back at him. “I was in a rush.”

“It’s fine.” He tapped his pen on his clipboard, settling himself down on his stool. “What’s up?”

Rolling your eyes, you sat on the bench in front of him and sighed. “You know how Tae has that..disease, right?”

Jin raised an eyebrow, his smile dissolving. “Yeah, why?”

You fiddled with your fingers, looking down. “I think I have it, too, Jin.” 

He leaned back in his chair. “You understand that you just can’t..bam, get the disease right? It develops over time.” You shrugged, taking your time to think about it. Had your feelings for Taehyung been developing over the years the two of you had been friends? 

“I-I swear, I have it, Jin,” you whispered, looking up at him. “The flowers came out today.”

Jin bit down on his lip, clicking the end of the pen a few times before glancing at you. “When did it happen?” He asked, positioning his pen onto the paper on his clipboard.

“Um..at around 1, I think.” You answered softly, butterflies swarming around in your stomach. Scribbling down on the paper, he looked up again.

“Who is the person you’re being involved with?”

“…Taehyung.” 

His jaw dropped, eyes widened, breathe sucked in. “Are you sure? (y/n), you know he has a girlfriend! Why are you-”

“I wouldn’t call her his girlfriend when she cheats on him everyday!” You retorted sharply, curling your fingers around the edge of the bench. Adjusting his glasses, Jin let out a short sigh.

“That may be true, but..you got yourself involved in something weird.” He murmured, writing something down on his paper again. “Anyways,” he continued, “Do you want to have the surgery?”

“Surgery? What surgery?” Your eyes widened at the thought of surgery - the whole concept scared you. The fact that someone would be opening up your body and going through your organs and shit made you cringe. Jin stared at you with confusion.

“Have I never told you about the surgery?” You shook your head. “Alright, well..basically, in the surgery, it cures the Hanahaki Disease, but you loose the ability to love anyone.” His eyes gazed into yours, expression laced with concern and worry. “That would probably be the best, you know.”

You felt your stomach drop down, shaking your head again. “No.” 

“No? Don’t you know that you’ll be suffering from this disease if you don’t get the surgery?”

“Jin!” You stood up, shoving your hands in your pocket. “It’s not that simple! You can’t just convince me to stop..having the feeling to have affection!” Pinching the bridge of your nose, you let out a groan of frustration. “Never mind. I have to go.” You grumbled, approaching the door to leave the room.

“You’re gonna be in a lot of pain. Mentally and physically, (y/n).” Jin called out, jogging after you and into the lobby. “Wait a sec!” You turned around, taking a step back. 

“What?”

“Are you going to bring Taehyung here?”

“Why would I have to do that?”

Jin flicked your forehead. “Because he also had the disease, you idiot.” He groaned, rubbing his temple. “He’s been dealing with it for months now. He’s probably going to die if he doesn’t have surgery, (y/n).” His voice softened at your gloomy expression, adjusting the cuffs of his sleeves.

“Look, I’m sure people in the past have died,” you murmured, turning on your heel to walk away. “But I’m sure Taehyung will survive this.” And with that, you exited the building and let out a loud groan. Checking your phone for a quick second, you shuffled over to the bakery across the street and peeked your head inside.

You slammed the car door while entering the vehicle, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. Letting out a small cough, a tiny flower escaped out and into your hand. You shook it away, roughly running your hand through your hair. “What the fuck am I supposed to do now?” You yelled, slamming your head on the steering wheel. The choices weren’t good at all - if you do let Taehyung get the surgery, he would be free of his pain; but he couldn’t return your feelings. Sure, it was selfish of you, but you couldn’t help it. The next option was for you to have the surgery instead, or both of you could have it. The main problem was that it would make things complicated and awkward between the two of you. If you had to take the surgery, Taehyung would find out you had the disease and pressure you into telling him who you loved. 

“Why me, out of all the people?” You quickly inserted your key in the engine, waiting for the car to warm up and driving yourself back home.

“Tae?” You called out as you entered the house, eyes locating a small note on the counter. 

‘Going out with Suha~~~~ I made ramen for you, enjoy okay bye save some for me BYE’

You glanced at the small pot on top of the stove and crumpled up the note, walking towards it and opening it. “Wow, how fancy.” Inside the pot was instant ramen, which everyone could damn see. Taehyung wasn’t very effective in cooking even after Jin gave him lessons; well, stressful lessons. You grabbed a bowl and chopsticks, pouring the noodles out and glancing at the clock. Six PM. You made your way to the kitchen table, setting your bowl down and grabbing your phone out. Halfway through taking a bite, you felt another cough come up. 

“Shit.” You murmured, covering your mouth to stifle the noise. You just couldn’t get used to the feeling of flowers coming out your body, it was weird. As the flowers continued to scatter, a thought skipped around in your mind - 

Would it be better to leave Taehyung?

You let out a rough cough, standing up from the chair and wiping your nose. Glancing at the clock, your eyes watched the hands tick and tick from minute to minute. Taehyung would be coming home at around ten o’clock - he always did and even  made a curfew for himself. The thought made you smile as your walked upstairs, discarding the noodles and walking into your bedroom. The faint smell of perfume still floated around some places, but thankfully had weakened as time passed. It felt strangely empty in the house without Taehyung bugging you for snacks every five minutes, the only sound you could hear clearly was the faint sound of beeping outside. 

Your fingers tapped on the small icon on your phone, bringing it to your ear.

“HELLO!!” The scream erupted from the other line, causing you to jump away from the phone. 

“Hoseok, I told you not to-”

“WHAT IS UP, MY FRIENDLY FRIEND.”

You laughed and sat on your bed, checking yourself in the mirror. “Taehyung’s out, so I wanted to call you.”

“Ooo! Out where?” 

“Out with Suha,” you grumbled lowly, letting out a sigh and flopping down on the mattress. 

“Suha? That’s his girlfriend, right?”

“Why does everybody think she’s his girlfriend? Am I going crazy?” You kicked your feet up in the air, letting out a screech of frustration. “She is not his boyfriend!”

“Sounds like someone’s jealous~” Hoseok cooed, giggling loudly.

“I am not!”

“I have to go, (y/n)! Your angel has to go to work, ba-byeeeee!” He laughed, hanging up the call. 

“Wa-” You shut your phone off, throwing it on the other side of your bed. “I forgot everyone has jobs..” You coughed, discarding the flowers onto the floor. You had no energy anymore to do anything to prevent it and drifted into sleep, eyes fluttering shut.


Taehyung came back late at night while you were sleeping. His loud knocks jolted you out of sleep. “You’re annoying!” You screamed, stomping out your room and down the stairs, opening the door swiftly. “Why are you knocking on my door at two AM?!” He stared at you blankly, letting out a small sigh and stumbling in. 

“Answe- ohmygodhaveyoubeendrinking.” A strong scent of alcohol slapped you straight across the face, making you stumble back. 

“Yeah,” he let out a deep breath, taking off his jacket.

“Couldn’t you just go back to your own house?!” You whined unhappily, covering your nose with your hand. “I don’t like being woken up.”

Taehyung shot a small smile at you in apology, ruffling up his hair. “Sorry, you were the closest house I could go to.”

“Whatever, don’t come in my room, I don’t wanna die.”

He stared at you again, raising his eyebrows. “But I always do when..you know..” 

Uncovering your nose, you sighed. “..Get a cup of water ready.”

“Actually!” He piped up, his smiling growing wider. “Can we talk about somethin’?”

“Hm? About what?” You asked, stopping halfway between walking to the kitchen. Taehyung jumped up and down like a child, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

“Suha and I are gonna get engaged~~”

You could literally hear your heart shatter into pieces. Your smile disappeared along with the energy you had left in you after you woke up. Inside your mind, you were astonished; did he just really think Suha was working with her co-workers? You had to tell him - or he’d have to live with Suha and suffer even more.

“H-Hey..that’s a bit too fast, don’t you think?” You clenched your sweaty palms into a fist, forcing a small smile. “You’ve only been dating for what, three months now, Tae. You’re twenty two years old, you still have a lot to live up to!” Your voice went wobbly as you took a step towards him, looking hopeless. “A-And! I just..it..” Your words trailed off while staring at him, feeling an comfortable feeling spreading to you. Taehyung stared at you with furrowed eyebrows, chewing on his lip.

“She already checked in with her father, I dunno why you’re so worked u-”

“How many other boys is she getting married to?”

His eyes widened at the sudden statement, raising an eyebrow. “What? Other boys? Are you acting like this because you’re tired?”

“No!” You responded quickly and loudly, your hair falling in front of your wide eyes. “Taehyung, listen. Suha’s cheating on you, she’s been doing it this entire time. You..you’re..too naive and you fell for her tricks so easily,” the tap let out a small drop of water as you spoke. “F-For two months, Taehyung, and you never noticed.”

The two of you stared at each other silently. The room was so quiet you thought you could hear your heart thumping against your chest.

“Go to bed, (y/n).” He spoke quietly, looking down at the ground.

“Taehyung-”

“I think I’ll sleep at my house tonight,” His voice whispered softly, gathering his jacket.

“You believe me, right..?” You squeaked quietly, the forced smile dropping. He paused, shrugging his shoulders.

“No.”

“Taehyung, I swear on my life, don’t do it! Don’t you know you’ll die if you continue this!?”

“I don’t care!” Taehyung spat, rebelling against your words. “God, (y/n). Are you angry that I won’t be over at your house anymore? That I’m growing up?” He glared at you angrily, shoving his jacket on.

You gulped, grabbing his wrist. “Please,” you pleaded desperately, heart pounding and mouth going dry. “I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“Hurt? Suha isn’t going to hurt me.”

“It’ll hurt me!” You screamed at him, your eyes watering up. Don’t go, don’t go, don’t fucking go. You’d go into a dark hole, a hole which you had been scared of your whole entire life. A hole which where Taehyung disappeared from your site, only coming to you when he needed a drink or had a fight with Suha. You’re world was bright with him by your side; and he was leaving without another trace.

“Let go.”

“No.”

You coughed into your arm, your hand which gripped tightly on Taehyung’s arm trembling. “Oh god, not now..”

He ripped your hand off his wrist, staring at you with slight concern. “I know it’s hard,” he spoke loudly to overcome your coughs. Your hand hid the small flowers, turning around and trembling with fear and pain altogether. “But it’s not like I’ll leave forever.” He opened the door, slamming it closed. Your knees have in, crashing to the ground as the flowers came pouring out. They created a large pile on the wooden floor, more intense than last time. Your heart was broken, and he had left. Left without you, without your thoughts, but had brought your smile with him. Why was he going so fast with her? He should’ve had a few months left before making such a vast decision. Tears poured down your face, loud sobs escaping your shaky lips. “Don’t go..” You whispered, clawing at the ground. “Don’t do it..”

With a shaky hand you reached out for your phone in your pocket, dialing a number quickly. “Hello?”

Barely whispering, you let out a strangled cough. “T-Tae..h-hyung..leave- leaving m-mee..”

“What? Are you crying?”

The words came out butchered and unclear, trying your best to overcome the tears flowing down. “H-He went aw..ay so f-a-s.t,” you choked up, clenching a small flower inside your hand. “He wouldn’t even l-listen to me!” 

A sigh floated into your ear from the other end of the phone as your sobbed into your hand. “Hey, calm down. I’m coming to get you.”

“N-No..don’t do th-aa.tt..”

“Are you stupid? I am, hang up this call, and don’t move.”

You were left with a quiet beep. Two minutes went by before someone slammed the door open, banging against the wall. “H-hey!” Crawling away from the sudden burst, you stared at the man in front of you, who was panting and wiping the sweat off his face.

“I tol- what the fuck is that,” he stared at the flowers, switching his gaze between the pile and you.

“I dropped a flower vase!” You hiccuped, rushing over to the pile and laughing nervously. You cupped them in your shaky hands, staring down at them with teary eyes. “Fuck, Yoongi..Suha is gonna take Taehyung away from me.”

“What?” Yoongi sat down on a stool near by the kitchen counter, running a hand through his hair half-way. “Aren’t they-”

“No, they are not girlfriend and boyfriend!”

“What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you so jealous?”

“What’s wrong with being jealous when the boy I love is with another woman who doesn’t give two fucking shits about him!” You screamed back at him, clutching the flowers in your right palm. “Girlfriend this, girlfriend that, shut the fuck up!”

Yoongi stood up from the chair, walking towards you and grabbing your collar in his fist. “You better calm your ass down and explain what this is all about.” His icy voice shook you through your body. His glare, not to mention his scolding, would be able to shut anyone down. His hand released the material, standing back and allowing you to cool down. “Explain.” 

You let out a shaky breath, dropping the flowers. “Hanahaki disease.”

“What?” He cocked his eyebrows, folding his arms. “Isn’t that what Taehyung has?” You nodded. 

“Yeah.”

“So,” he stared at the flower falling down from your hand. “You love Taehyung.”

“..Yeah.”

“And why is he leaving?”

Your knees knocked against each other. “They’re getting married.” 

Yoongi’s jaw dropped open, a small gasped escaping his lips. “Oh shit, really?”

“Yes!” You whined, shoving your hands inside your hair, nails digging into your scalp. “He doesn’t even realize she’s being such a slut!”

“Hey, calm down, don’t go that far.” Yoongi scolded, shooting an icy glare at you. After a few frustrated grumbles and stomps, you calmed down. “It’s weird.” He leaned his body against the couch, looking down at the ground with his legs crossed over each other. “You never act like this. Taehyung must be really special to you.”

“I hate this. I didn’t want to like him that way. The effects of the disease is gonna get worse, too.”

“Wait..what happens if it gets worse?” You shrugged, turning your chin.

“Death or somethin’.” Yoongi shot up, eyes wild.

“Are you fucking insane? Death? Can’t-”

“I will not get a surgery,” you snapped at him, taking a step closer and turning yourself to face him. “As much as I hate having this situation, I just can’t let Taehyung leave my love life this way.”

“Love life, who cares! Your life is fragile, don’t take it for granted!” Yoongi pressed, his hands shooting up in the air. You stood there quietly, avoiding his blazing gaze. Finally, he groaned. “Get in my car, we’re going to the club.”


“Hey! Yoongi!” You clung to his arm, eyes widening at the blasting music in the large building. Everyone swayed their hips, giggling and screaming as the lights blinded you. “Oh fuck-”

“You seriously have never been clubbing before? You really are sad.”

“I just wanted to sleep, it’s five AM!” You protested as you were dragged inside against your will. 

“Yoongi! I missed you!” 

Your head turned towards the source of the silky voice, eyes laying upon a short man with - 

Oh shit.

“Oh my god,” you whispered. “Is that an angel? Did I get run over? Did I-”

“That’s Jimin. I haven’t introduced you to him yet.” Yoongi rolled his eyes, waving at Jimin. “Hey! Come over here, meet (y/n)!”

The man rushed over, extending his hand towards you. “Yoongi has a friend, finally!” He yelped with pain as Yoongi punched him in the shoulder, cursing him out. “Hey, chill, man~” 

“I swear to g-”

“I’m Jimin! You can call me Jimine, Chim Chim, whatever you want!” Jimin smiled while you shook his hand, giving him an awkward smile in return. “Okay! Yoongi! What drinks will we have today? I’m gonna beat you this time.”

Yoongi scoffed, taking your hand off his arm and whacking Jimin up his head. “You wish. We’re doing whiskey today.”

“Hey! You know I wi-”

“Exactly why I chose it, you midget.”

Jimin let out a screech of anger, waving goodbye to you and dragging him to the back of the room. You stood there, trying to avoid everyone bumping into you. “..You forgot me?” You sighed, settling down on the counter stool. 

“Want a drink?” You looked up, locking eyes with a pair of dark, brown eyes. 

“Uh..no. I don’t drink.”

The young male chuckled, wiping the glass with his towel. “Why are you here, then? This place was made for you to get drunk.”

“I was dragged here against my own will, buddy.” You smirked, leaning your chin against your hand. You studied his facial features, as well as the upper half of his body - he wore a loose tuxedo, which was quite bizarre, paired with a strong frame. His face was lightly tanned, eyes soaked with a deep brown color. His hair was also brown, which was literally shining in your face. 

“Who brought you here?” He asked, sliding over a glass of water over to you. You took a sip of the water, eyeing him. 

“Yoongi, my friend.”

He stared at you, confused. “Yoongi? Like, the Yoongi that can drink almost twenty drinks and still be okay?”

You groaned, setting the cup of water down. “Yep.”

“You..you don’t look like he’d-”

“I know.” You laughed. “My name is (y/n). Let’s get to know each other, shall we?” You introduced yourself smoothly, extending your hand out to him.

“I’m Jungkook, international playboy.” Jungkook grinned, taking your hand and shaking it roughly.

“International playboy?” You laughed along with him, watching the corners of his eyes crinkle as his smile widened. 

“Yep!” He chuckled, setting the cup he previously cleaned earlier down. “So, you were dragged here?”

“Yeah.”

“Your eyes are red. Have you been cryin’ or something?”

Your hands shot up to your eyes, leaning back a bit. “Is it that obvious?” Your ears heated up when he nodded, slamming your hand back down on the counter. “I went through something earlier, doesn’t matter.”

“I’m sure it matters, (y/n).”

Your head snapped around, almost choking on your own spit. Taehyung stood there, staring at you with confusion. “W-Wha-”

“Who’s this?” Jungkook asked, obviously alerted by your discomfort by the sudden crash in. The music blared in your ears, staring at Taehyung with wide eyes. 

“Y-Yoongi dragged me here, I swear.” 

“Oh,” was all Taehyung said, sneaking a glance at Jungkook.

“Heyy! (y/n)!”

You turned around, almost stumbling off the stool while Jimin laughed and wrapped his arms around you. “What’s good!”

“Jimin, not now,” you whispered through your teeth, flinching when Yoongi joined the oh so wonderful club.

“Jimin, get your ass back here and finish it like a man!” Yoongi stopped, noticing the problem. “Oh. Taehyung, what are you doing here?”

“I just wanted a drink.” Taehyung responded softly, glaring at Jimin’s drunk actions. “When did you become friends with Jimin?”

You shivered, feeling as if he was pinning your down on the spotlight. His attitude completely changed - his aura felt weird and his gaze wanted to make you shrivel up and die. “A few minutes ago, Tae.”

Just when things couldn’t get any worse and confusing, Suha skipped over to Taehyung and crawled her fingers up his chin. “Hey, what’s taking you so long to get my drink?” Her eyes landed on you, her gaze sharpening. 

“Sorry, Suha.” Taehyung smiled at her weakly, looking at Jungkook. “Whiskey.”

“Hey, don’t order me around, dude!” Jungkook barked, setting his towel down.

“Just do it, Jungkook.” You muttered, standing up. “Thanks for hanging out with me for a bit. I’ll see you whenever.” You shoved Jimin off of you, quickly walking out the club and outside. The air was cold, immediately hitting you and causing you to shriek. 

“It’s cold, why don’t you have a jacket?” Taehyung’s voice called out from behind, you turning around to face him.

You lifted your left shoulder up and down, shivering so mch to the point where it started to make you sore. “’Cause.”

“(y/n), you’ve never went to a club before.” He sighed, shutting the doors to the club closed. “Why are you suddenly shy and..doing all this?”

“I don’t know.”

“How do you not know if what you’re doing are your own actions?”

“Speak for yourself, Taehyung!” You spat, stomping your foot in front of you. “All of sudden, you’re engaged with a fucking slut!”

Taehyung gritted his teeth together, walking towards you. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s true,” you laughed, walking backwards. “She’s been cheating on you, yet you never noticed. Was she there for you when you were on the verge of tears? Was she there for you when you were about to break down?! No! She was always in the background, her lips somewhere on someone else’s mouth!” Your words screamed into his ears, your lips turning slightly numb, as well are your fingers.

“Shut up! She’s not doing any of those things! Can’t you see, (y/n)?!” Taehyung argued, his voice reaching up to level up with yours. “I love her! Why are you being so fucking jealous?!”

“It’s not being jealous, it’s concern!” You stopped walking backwards, allowing him to get closer. “You don’t see it, Tae!”

“Don’t call me Tae.”

“I don’t care!” You sobbed, letting the tears fall out your eyes. The tears that had been holding back ever since Taehyung walked into your life were finally spilling and splattering onto the ground. “Why can’t you just trust me, Taehyung?! Are all our years of friendship just going to go down the drain?” Tears streamed down your face as you yelled at him, voice breaking at how loud you were. Footsteps ran closer to you. 

You raised your hand up in reflex, shutting your eyes closed.

“Chill!” 

You opened your eyes, shaking with fear. Yoongi held Taehyung back, who was looked angry, as well as pained. 

Jimin grabbed your arm, dragging you away. “Hey..why are you guys arguing?” He had calmed down and didn’t act as drunk, his eyes clouded with tears. 

“He doesn’t trust me. He doesn’t..trust me.” You cried softly, you yourself calming down as well. You fell to your knees, sobbing in your hands. 

You had broken off your relationship with Taehyung ever since that day.

Deleted his phone number, stayed in your locked house. You stared at yourself in your mirror. 

“God, I’m so sorry, Taehyung.”


a/n: that was so messy omg,,

“ill make parts longer”

CAUGHT IN A L I E E E E E

The Real Reason I #PRAYFORSHIRO

There’s this tag floating around the internet, a couple actually, it’s the #prayforshiro tag and the #prayforspacedad tag. I bet there are others like it, and I’ll find as many as I can, but for now, here we go.

ALSO SPOILERS if you haven’t watched season 1, or don’t want to read spoilers for season 2, I’m gonna talk about it. 

In the Japanese BeastKing GoLion series (which our beloved Netflix series draws much of it content from) their Takashi Shirogane bites it in the sixth episode. In the American version, they simply made Ryo and Takashi the same person so he can stay alive (nice) so nothing to worry about right? Yeah, except the creators of Voltron LD have stated that they will be staying close to the original anime, and… have you seen the season 2 trailer? I don’t have enough words to describe the pain in my heart, I’m sure you all have felt it.


This isn’t really a post arguing that it’s likely Shiro will die or get hurt. There is a lot of speculation and the official content doesn’t help much to alleviate the fear, but I can say wholeheartedly I hope it doesn’t happen, and I #prayforshiro all the time.

Why?

There are obvious reasons. The creators of Voltron LD have gone out of their way to make the characters likable and relatable and beautiful and uggh, and this personally holds true Shiro. Shiro is complex, he’s a leader, with a serious way about him, and just when you think that’s it, he reveals himself to be caring, and soft. He comforts Pidge, he cradles Lance. He can laugh and make laser gun sounds, and crack jokes, and he’s beautiful, he’s an awesome character. But he has a dark side too that seriously contrast his brighter side. His ties to the Galran empire heavily imply trauma and abuse, especially by the Druids, and seriously… His scene with Sendak in cryosleep (I think) that completely tore down all previous notions that he was a together guy. He doesn’t stop trying though, he still is at it and cheering his team on, in spite of his trauma.There is a lot going on with Shiro, and that’s why we love him, he’s sort of an inspiration. 

Or so I thought. 

See, those are my initial thoughts, I love Shiro, but when I really thought about how I felt about him after completing the first season, I was only worried. His fight with Haggar left him injured, and there was this serious air of uncertainty around him at the end. So with all of that, and the idea that he could die because the creators want to remain true to the original content, it is scary, but in an even deeper sense that goes beyond just losing a favorite character. Shiro stands in for a seriously misrepresented and under-represented group of people.

Shiro represents the person who suffers from PTSD, someone who may have gone through abuse and now struggles with healing and regaining their strength and surviving beyond their terrors.

Shiro ‘interrogating’ Sendak

Sendak: We’re connected, you and me, both part of the Galra Empire.

Shiro: No, I’m not like you.

Sendak: You’ve been broken, and reformed, just look at your hand.

Shiro: (Stares at the thing he received during his time as a prisoner) That’s not me!

Sendak: It’s the strongest part of you, embrace it! The others don’t know what you know. They haven’t seen what you’ve seen. Face it! You’ll never beat Zarkon, he’s already defeated you!

Shiro: I’m not listening to you!

Sendak: Do you really think that a monster like you could be a Voltron Paladin?

There are many characters in mainstream media who have lost everything to past trauma, even if the danger is not necessarily present any longer, they continue to struggle and even perish from it. One person who seriously stands out in my mind (i can hear you cringing right now maybe) is Jenny from Forest Gump. She struggles for perhaps her entire life (with the aftermath of abuse and later addiction) which is cut short in the end when she dies of an incurable disease. Harry Potter and the Hunger Games have lots of characters with PTSD, many who never survive to the end like Lupin, or Snape, or Sirius just to name a few (the symptoms of their PTSD aren’t what killed them, but it certainly didn’t help them to survive) or they’re just left seriously dysfunctional for years following like Haymitch who is now a depressed alcoholic, or Katniss’ mother who has fallen so deeply within herself following her husband’s death that she doesn’t even speak… uggh I just stuck with popular examples and really there are probably better ones out there but my point is……. Shiro belongs to this group. He suffers from paranoia and self doubt. He hallucinates(?) a conversation with Sendak, he loses himself to flashbacks, and his woes affect his connection to the black lion. His trauma is so bad he literally comes face to face with his darkest fears when an evil Shiro takes him by the throat and  and these are some who really stick out in our minds when we think of our favorite series’, those with the tragic backstories who still continue to suffer.

If the creators did in fact choose to kill off Shiro within the next few seasons (I imagine the show is going to get a few) it would send a message to those who live with trauma and struggle with survival that they could share the same fate, and that their PTSD will win.

Now that is sort of extreme…. Of course, they wouldn’t really want anyone to feel this way… I mean these are the same people who made Aang and Korra. The same people that showed that Zuko really could regain his honor and survive from the abuse that his father inflicted on him and become the Fire Lord on a brighter day. But the fact remains that Shiro’s well being is compromised, and if he would die it would be an incredibly dark day in the Voltron fandom.

Perhaps we’re being too cynical believing that the creators would do something so dark. At this point there is just too much left for Shiro to tell, both about himself and his past. We have yet to learn about his ties to Keith and how they knew each other, we don’t know much about how he escaped from Zarkon and what exactly they did to him and what happened during his time as The Champion. My hope is that he’ll be a survivor. Like Harry Potter and Katniss, who, in spite of all that they’ve gone through they defeated the Dark Lord, they won the Hunger Games, they lived… I’m much more interested in seeing Shiro return to Earth and feel safe back home after everything, I’m much more interested in seeing his fate be that of a champion, one who is not defined by his past and can rise above the challenges, and that is why I #prayforshiro, in all seriousness, I have the same hopes for him that I would for a real, flesh and blood person who battles with personal demons. And I have a little bit of faith that the creators think the same way.

So I close with this… Shiro, you’re beautiful and we love you, you can do this! Don’t let no Zarkon freak you out…. because you are a champion.

Alrighty, thank you that’s all, have a good day…

Newb Guide pt1: Getting Started

I figure a bunch of people are probably still joining and you should learn from my mistakes. SO! In this we’re gonna go over villagers and the best way to use them your first few days. The siege is over for the most part so things are different for you than they were for us.

Step 0: Set up your account.

Step 1: Create your first villager. Take your time and look through all the options. The art is BEAUTIFUL and you should definitely appreciate it. Pick one you will like because you can’t change it. You can abandon them and make a new one immediately but idky you’d do that. You CAN change their gender/marker/name whenever you want as far as I know so if you change your mind and want them to be a demi-boy later instead of a andronys or whatever else your heart desires you can!

Step 1.5: Do not buy anything for this first guide unless I put it in here. You will not need anything until later and you can work on other classes.

Step 2: You’re gonna be taken to a screen that looks like this

these are the careers. Oh look you can be a tailor I wanna be a tailor xazz-

Wrong.

You do not want to be a tailor. You want to be an explorer. That is the only way to get started. Your first villager absolutely MUST be an explorer to get started. Your villagers can have a total of FOUR different careers and can change those careers once a day.

Do NOT pick warrior right now. Warriors are currently broken and aren’t super useful. Also the more warriors the more likely the towns are going to be under siege because of how the game calculates if the town is defended. For now it is best if you have ZERO WARRIORS. 

You can be warrior or a doctor or tailor later. For now pick explorer.

Step 3: You start off with 500 FC and one villager slow. Use that FC and buy the next slot. The first slot is exactly 500 FC. You will make more, trust me. Make your second villager, make them an explorer as well. Gather on both of those villagers.

Step 3.5: Right now while the towns are no longer under attack you will get 20 gathers PER villager an HOUR. You get 50 gathers an hour total so you only need 2 explorers to get the most out of hourly gathering without losing gathering turns.

Step 4: Grind for a few hours to get materials. Sell all of the materials you get that are not rare/super rare. Trust me you will have more than enough of the common/uncommon ones.

Step 5: Once you get 1.5k (which should not take too long with 40 gathers an hour) buy your third villager slot. Now things will be slowing down some. Make your 3rd villager and pick their first career to be herbalist. If you have no seeds just wait an hour to gather to get some.

Step 6: On your herbalist plant your field full of the same type of plant. Herbology works on a percentage per plant species and you will fail several times. A full field and a row is usually enough to reach 100% on the seed. Also use common seeds first, it will let you get through the easy ones first and give your explorers time to gather uncommon/rare seeds. 

Step 6.5: Common seeds take 30 minutes to grow. Uncommons take an hour, rares 2 hours and I think super rares are 4 hours?

Step 7: Continue planting and exploring and gathering money. You should not have to sell things from your inventory at this time. You should just be focused on amassing as much stuff as possible. The more you gather the more stuff your explorers will come back with and they will come back with rarer things as well. Do not buy or sell anything and if your villagers become sick use the free clinic to cure them. YOUR VILLAGER CAN ONLY HAVE ONE DISEASE AT A TIME AND THEY DO NOT STACK.

Step 8: So now you have a lot of stuff and probably a lot of money. Or at least some money. Once you have 5k (easier if selling from your inventory but this game is a long play) buy your forth (and so far last) FC villager slot. You can now chose between a construction worker, or a doctor. They can also be duel purpose if you want. Personally I would go construction worker.

Step 9a: If you chose a construction worker, if you have enough wood (150) BUILD A NEW HOUSE. It takes 5 hours and like 500 FC. After 5 hours you can immediately open up villager slot 5 with NO COST. Construction workers are also good because they can make your herbalist new pots from 10 wood, which speeds up plant mastery and thus you can grow more plants and help your doctor sooner. YOUR FIFTH VILLAGER SHOULD BE YOUR DOCTOR.

Step 9b: If you chose a doctor then go to the village clinic and buy all the remedies and a couple of bottles. You will never have to buy the recipes again for that villager. Now see what you can make and just start crafting whatever you can. Potency starts low but you gain 5% potency each time you craft it. Unlike the herbalist there is no chance of failure to get the 5%. Once it is crafted it automatically gains 5% potency. Your herbalist should have enough stock to let you brew enough remedies by now. Your doctor is critical to keeping your pets healthy and able to gather and farm at top quantity because you get only one free clinic visit a day. This is especially important once you get into fighting.

At some point one of your villagers, I would suggest one of your explorers, needs to switch to construction so they can build a house for you. Then that villager can take the place of the explorer you just lost by making it construction for the day. You can chose to change it back later but right now that isn’t important. It IS important to keep seed flow coming in and making sure your herbalist is harvesting what he/she/they can.

Step 10: That’s it for the start up and as far as I’ve gotten. I have my own 5 villagers and this is the better way I would do it than what I have already. I know people are struggling and amazed I have 5 as it is; this is how I did it. 

5

you’ve probably seen this cat… or not… probably not

contrary of what the sketches say, this cat now has a name; her name is Saria, a young cat girl who was born without any fur on her skin. She lives in the desert, and since her skin is unprotected and extremely sensitive to the sun, she wears lots of clothes at all times. Where she lives, people think she has a terrible skin disease, and avoid her or threat her away, this is also the reason why she hides, and has crepuscular habits. 

She’s currently in a journey to find the place where her parents came from, a place where, she hopes, people will be kinder, the sun won’t be so harsh and there’ll be someone capable of give her fur… at least that’s how she idealises the place.

I am doing a practice multiple choice questions block on rheumatology right now… (basically diseases of joints/muscles/ligaments) and all I can think of is
Harold. Harold. Harold.
A patient with a long standing neck pain… Harold.
A patient with limp… Harold.
Patient with back pain… Harold.
.
Also wondering how harold does not have any sensory deficits despite his pain and injury. Back injury like this… he probably should not be able to feel in a lot of places. I mean I need to stop thinking about Harold BUT HOW.

13x08

It’s 3am. I’m an emotional wreck thanks to Grey’s Anatomy and I’ve not even had a drink… Let’s break it down:

I’m just going to start off by saying as a person who’s all things music and a lover of the cello, part of me LOVED this episode and the other part cringed like crazy. Excellent choice of classical music, but the actress trying to play was painful to watch for anyone in the know!

Aside from this, the one-room-perspective was so cool in my opinion. It had a couple of moments where it lagged slightly at the beginning but the concept and the fresh format was different and intriguing.

Richard

We know so much about his history with Ellis, Adele, alcoholism, his career… And now his mother, Gail. Much like everything else in Grey’s, it’s a harrowing story where someone’s mum or dad dies young, this time of pancreatic cancer. We later find out he was taught to dehumanise his patients to the point where he was numb, so the entire episode idea is his. Well done Webber- very wise!

Owen

Oh, hello Megan Hunt! We were wondering how you were going to show your face without being too obvious and hideously predictable. And for once, Greys came through, bravo. Brilliant way of getting to see her, know her face, without having her turn up on Nathan’s doorstep as he’s tucking a Grey-Shepherd child into bed. She is a) a BEAUTIFUL ginger with gorgeous blue eyes b) has that cute sibling banter that Amelia and Derek used to have, a nice vibe for Kevin to play c) probably still alive and soon to be making a very obvious and predictable comeback!

Stephanie

She had a disease as a child and read the FUCK UP on it. I’m sure there are a lot of people in the world that can relate to this. I adored Stephanie sticking up for herself and throwback to 12x09 where Mer told girls to speak up and flll the damn silence. Kudos to the little Stephanie too- very good little actress.

Meredith

Well, where do I start? She’s the reason I’m a wreck right now. For the first half of the episode I thought she was being such a moody spoil-sport! And then she started thinking about the guy’s family, and that night in Dillard, with Derek and her children. (Bailey amuses me everytime he’s on the screen. He just looks so clueless as to why he’s there most the time!). And then we are suddenly transported to the moment that Meredith tells her children their father is dead. “Daddy died”. My tears were as forceful and relentless as 11x21. Ugly crying ensued.

And as if that was not enough, right at the end of the episode, they bring the merder theme tune back with cello (nice full circle there Greys!) and then, AND THEN, Derek just casually walks into the scrub room with his charming smile, wearing his ferryboat scrub cap.

And we all died.
Everyone.
Just a little bit.
Merder forever.
Sweet reminder that Ellen Pompeo is amazing, talented, and what the kids call “queen”.

Gotta go cry myself to sleep. Bye.
2017

Oh I am so ready for you.

I’m working on a journal/planner that I hope to post everyday. 
My fitbit is back on and ready to track some serious business.

Right now the plan is to go to the gym super early (5:00am) because it’s really the only free part of my day. My dog Kail was diagnosed with a disease that requires a LOT of around-the-clock care and medication. With that, plus taking care of 7 other dogs and taking care of my house, yard and self… early just makes sense. 

I’m going to probably stick to doing mostly cardio through out the week at first, to get back into the swing of things. I’m really excited to get back on a bike. 

Originally posted by clterryart

I’m also putting together a meal plan & some new self care routines. 

fingers crossed that i can do it this time…

Welp, I’m done.  Finished episode 2 and Tyrell said, “I want you to be where you belong: here with me,” which is legitimately a thing that happened, when the sentence ending in ‘at this company’ would’ve made 1000% more sense, and then looked like THE SADDEST, KICKED-EST PUPPY EVER when Elliot turned him down.  There was somber orchestral accompaniment to the moment, okay.  I am exaggerating, by the way, NONE of that.  So this had to happen, obvs:

AU, where Elliot accepts the position and Ty doesn’t have to make his horrible sad puppy face.

“You did good today, Elliot.”

No.  I’m not Superman; I did well.  Actually, I did what a moderate-level hacker on an off-day with a temperature of a hundred and three could do.  “Okay.”

“While looking sharp.”  He smirk-smiles down at my wrinkled shirt.

He won’t let me wear my hoodie either; I’ll be damned if he forces me into an ironing board though.  He’s still displaying that unsettling expression like it’s his entry in the talent portion of today’s event.  I couldn’t come up with anything for mine.  Unless I count, ‘hardly abusing morphine.’  I should.

I can’t tell if the baby-faced good looks are hiding malice or narcissism.  I’m not sure which would be worse, truth be told.  At least I know it’s not insipidness, like I’d first suspected upon meeting him.  That one would’ve been unforgivable.  “Okay.”

“You don’t say much, do you?  But I’m betting you always get your point across, don’t you.”

That one isn’t a question.  I don’t have to answer it.

“What did you think of the company?”

His accent’s more pronounced now, sharper, stranger as he puts extra emphasis on compound syllables.  He’s watching me, waiting for an answer, and his eyes are that dark side of invested in it.

I think it epitomizes the moral decay of our fucked up society, I think it’s goliath, greedy, the root of all–“Yeah.  Fine.”

“I was surprised you accepted, because I am sure now.  You don’t care about the money.”

I don’t think he does, either.  Not in the same sense as his underlings, peers and superiors anyway.  Money is only important insofar as its correlation to power.  That’s what he wants and I’m not sure there’s any more thought process behind it than that he wants it.  “It’s the, uh, security.”

Or more it’s that Mr. Robot thought I could be more useful inside the belly of the beast rather than being part of the parasite living off it.

“I see.  It’s a fear of change that made you undergo it.”  He sounds amused; I don’t know what to make of that.  I realize now he’s been leading me from my office to his own; has he made me as a spy that quickly?

He closes the door behind us, uncuffs one of his sleeves.  “It looks good for me, that you came here.”

I assume that’s a lot to do with why he looked so elated about it when I said yes.

He stands in front of his wall of windows; the view is probably something to be proud of in his mind.  In mine, it just reminds me of exactly how far this disease of wealth and commerce has spread.  I stand next to him, because he seems to want me to share in this moment - whatever it is - with him.  Which, if I had to guess, is the equivalent of trying to literally dick-slap the entire city to remind it who’s on top.

I’m surreptitiously glancing at the pages on the top of his desk when he grabs my wrist and hauls me around, thumb slipping up my vein under my sleeve.  “Your buttons are off,” he murmurs.

I don’t realize his hand is up behind my head until our lips have already met.  When the dome of my skull should have been hitting glass, as he pushes me back into the windows, I feel only his palm there to catch it.

He’s kissing me.  He’s kissing me and I’m not stopping him from kissing me and I don’t know why.  His mouth is persistent.  His hand leaves my wrist, finds the curve of my torso, just above my waist and circles his thumb over the fabric of my already wrinkled shirt.

His tongue is in my mouth.  I still haven’t stopped him.  His leg is between mine, pressing up, but I’m not hard.  This much morphine, the regular haze of my entire life, it will take more.  He doesn’t seem to mind.  Still kisses me with conviction and the adjective should seem ridiculous on him.  It doesn’t.  The hand that’s cradling my head is sliding over my hair, leading the tilt of our chins, the dips of our mouths while we get the slot of them just right.  Slick, obscene sounds are slipping out between the press of them, my hands are fisted equally in his jacket and the shirt underneath, his chest warm and solid beneath it.

I have no idea what I’m doing aside from not stopping him.

HIs fingers on my side are inching up my shirt, reaching underneath, and his wedding ring makes my skin jump when the cold metal meets bare skin.

We’re still kissing, he’s moaning, low and guttural but there, when there’s a knock on the closed door.  He doesn’t spring away from me.  Instead he leisurely pulls back, dark eyes boring into mine and he kisses me once.  Twice.  I cat into both like I’ve been trained to do it.

He says against my mouth, “I was hoping you would say yes,” before he straightens himself out and walks away.

I’m beginning to think that ‘yes’ will prove to be the most self-destructive decision I’ve ever made.

Here’s where I stand on the latest Berena drama:

I’m gonna stay out of the tag on Tumblr.

I don’t mind reading people’s opinions on the show, we should have opinions. That’s grand and glorious and fun and all part of it. For me though I’m feeling a bit inundated with negativity. You are entitled to be negative - like that’s your show too man - you do you - but I’m personally opting out in order to save my own happiness over this fictional couple. Also let me add: wishing they hadn’t done something with a character is not being negative. I mean the posts that basically tear the show apart.

I guess I have always known drama was coming. Like, it didn’t take the winter trailer to tell me there’d be drama ahead because I’m used to shows that turn up the drama to the extreme. I’m watching Transparent right now and there doesn’t seem to be a single relationship that works out in that show; gay, straight or otherwise. Everyone is mostly miserable all the time with a few bits of happy that make the miserable crap bearable.

To me the joy of Berena is seeing two midlife ladies getting their love on with one another. I’d love to see more of them on screen but I think holby city’s the wrong show if you’re looking for lots of lovey dovey moments. I totally wish it wasn’t because I’d love to see Berena outside of the hospital being awesome badasses in their life and just being adorable together - but it’s not the show.

Sure we do get the odd scene outside the hospital or special on location episodes like this week’s with the wedding, but mostly it’s going to be at the hospital. That does significantly narrow what we get to see in terms of our dynamic duo being romantic. And also what their drama will be.

I don’t feel they’re picking on Serena. She has had a shit load of drama of course but she has also been on the show for ages and they’re giving C-Russ stuff to work with. Like that’s good! She’s not a supporting/background character. She’s a big part of it all and I love that.

I appreciate the precariousness of LGBT representation (hell I made a video about it) and our want for happiness for our LGBT characters to balance out the utter shit of so many other tv shows that have killed off or ruined the lives of our women loving women. That being said, this show can’t stop being what it is just because it offered up representation. It’s a medical soap drama. Sure some probably saw the same sex make out gifs and went “sign me up!” without giving thought to the show’s genre or what that might mean for the couple involved and are now disappointed. I get it.

Here’s what comes with soap drama medical territory:

*Drama
*Angst
*Death
*Dramatic moments of will they die or won’t they
*Disease
*Lots of angsty screen time
*Little non-angsty screen time
*An enormous cast of characters that all will fight for screen time and they’ll get it when their storylines go dramatic and likely won’t when the drama’s dialed back.

I love Holby City. I mean I came for the lesbians obviously, but now I love the show. I love the precious moments we get, some surprising like the passionate kiss scene between Berena, the “confined to theatre” talking out loud “I kissed you because I wanted to” scene, the arm wrestling, and not Berena related but the beautiful flash mob scene for Arthur when he was dying.

This show gives great characters, interesting stories. It makes me angry, it makes me sad, it thrills me and it makes me ecstatic sometimes.

I love Catherine Russell, I’m surprised I hadn’t discovered her sooner and I literally feel like she’d be a bestie if I knew her in person because we have a similar sense of humor. I love Jemma Redgrave, she’s dynamic and subtle and gorgeous and intriguing.

I’m enjoying the ride I really am. I don’t see Berena being a forever thing (man would I love to be proven wrong) because I understand the nature of a show that has no ending like Holby. And one where one actor will likely leave eventually. But I love the story while it’s here. Of course I may feel betrayed down the line if they kill one of these women, because the producer and actresses have all said that’s not the direction they want to go with this and I trust them. But right now I’m just still here, still a fan. Still adoring Berena in whatever they must go through to make that angst meter tilt in favor of more screen time for them.

I’m sad that some of you have drawn the line and are putting down your Berena flags, but hey - I get it. I’ll likely be waving my flag, soaking wet in the rain until the bitter end and beyond. That’s the joy of television and us making our own choices about it.

While I may not be following the Berena tag anymore, I follow a lot of you individually. Keep being you, keep talking, keep doing what makes you happy. If your happiness is in another genre of show, go out there and find it! Life’s too short!

Back in High School

Request: 37 😻😻😻 By @illbeyourladyriver

#37: “Wanna dance?”

I didn’t have lot of friends back in high school, so the idea of a meeting with all my classmates didn’t tempt me at all. It had ended years ago, and I was a different person, but I knew my partners would probably still being assholes.

“You should go and show them how hot you are now” my best friend said over the phone “I wish I could go too, but I’m a little bit too far”

She was living in Africa at that moment. She moved there to study a weird disease that was affecting children all over the country, and was trying to find a cure. She would have been a better example of self-improvement than me.

I looked in the mirror a thousand times. I was skinnier than I was in high school, and more confident… but in situations like this, I was a mess. 

The party will take place in a hall located in the city center. The invitation said that we should go formal, but was not sure about how formal. 

After choosing a blue dress up to the knee, I called a taxi. It knew that probably it should have taken the car. When I came, the receipt was full of people who did not know. Probably they all were so different that it could not identify them. Scarcely I gave a few steps inside the enormous lounge when I noticed that a group of women was looking at me and murmuring things.

I looked at them with dissimulation trying to discover who were they. When I noticed that she was Solange, my autoesteem grew immediately. It had been a bitch with me back in high school, and now she was obvious neglected. KARMA. 

“(Y/N)?” I listened that someone was asking behind me “is that you?”

It took me a minute to react. The worst thing was hat, after almost seven years, I hadn’t forgotten his voice.

“Evan” I smiled widely. He was nicer than the last time I saw him… His hair was shorter and darker, but his smile was brighter than ever “Good to see you”

“It’s been a long time, you look…. gorgeous” He looked right into my eyes for a while, and my knees were getting weak “how’s life?”

“Good, good. I’m working with a good attorneys’ signature, you know?”

“Really? That’s great! I remember how passionate you were with justice back in high school” he said when the music started to play.

“And what about you?” 

“Me, well… I’m working at Universal Studios right now”

“That’s huge!” I was truly happy for him “Congratulations”

“Thank you” he giggled “cmon, let me get you a drink” 

We walked together towards the bar, when he asked the bartender for two margaritas. I watched him, how good looking he was. He was wearing a suit without tie, and the first two buttons of his shirt were open. 

“There we go” he gave me my drink “let’s have a toast”

“For what?” I raised my glass a little and he did it too.

“For us, and our great lives” We both took a sip of our drinks

“I can see you have everything you ever wanted” I could imagine him with his wife, and maybe two or three kids. And a dog. 

“Actually, I don’t. Or at least I didn’t” he looked into my eyes again “but now that you’re here, I do”

My cheeks were now red, and burning.

“Are you flirting with me?”

“What? Flirting?, no” He replied and I felt the whole world falling over me. I was a stupid! “I’m not flirting…You know, Back in high school I had a huge crush on you” we both giggled “And right now, I think I still” I didn’t know what to say, the man of my dreams was telling me everything I always wanted to hear “I see I left you speechless… Wanna dance?”

Understanding Crohn’s Disease, Ulcerative Colitis and other serious invisible illnesses.

This has been on my mind so much more lately than it usually it. There hasn’t been a single day, even in the rare moments of remission, when I haven’t thought about my disease and how much my life has changed since I started showing symptoms at 17 and was finally diagnosed at 18 and then again at 21. I’ve always had this hang up with openly talking about my disease without fear of judgment. I was told pretty early on by a few different family members that I talked about it too much and that I “wore my disease like a badge of honor”. The latter comment really took it’s tole on me, which lead me to stop talking about it all together for a couple of years. I began to suffer in silence and it put a huge burden on me psychologically. I know for a fact that at one time or another, a lot of you who suffer from a chronic illness have probably had times when you were sick and feeling awful but you didn’t tell anyone. You kept it to yourself. One thing I’ve learned, amongst so many other things, is that there isn’t anything nobel in the act of suffering silently. You tend to think that it makes you stronger and deeper than everyone else around you, but the only thing that it does it break you down physically and mentally while separating you from everyone else. I’m a lot more vocal about my experience with Crohn’s Disease and Ulcerative Colitis now than I was five years ago, but in no way has it lessened the public’s reception to it. I think a lot of us can agree that in general people tend to not take our disease(s) seriously. I know that I’ve been told probably 50 different times that I should be grateful that I didn’t have cancer. As if cancer patients have the monopoly on pain. I’ve learned that you cannot belittle what you have simply because there are other people in the world who are suffering from a different disease altogether. I’m not trying to imply that cancer isn’t horrible and hard and fatal. It is. But there is a huge lack of sympathy, empathy and understanding from those who do not suffer from a chronic illness. 


I think the most frustrating feeling is dismissiveness. It doesn’t really matter who it is coming from, be it a boss or friend or significant other or total stranger, the act of someone telling us that our disease isn’t “that bad” is painfully offensive. If you have a chronic illness or know someone that does then you know how much that person despises sympathy. The last thing in the word that I want is to have someone tell me that they’re sorry. I don’t want your apology. What I want, and what I think a lot of us want, is respect. I don’t want to see someone roll their eyes when I make a comment about how much pain I’m in. I don’t want to hear my father sigh or groan when I talk about how little sleep I got the night before. And I definitely don’t want the unsolicited advice of someone who heard from a friend’s friend that adopting a certain diet helped them cure themselves. There is no cure for what we have. Just the other day I was messaging an old high school acquaintence who said something incredibly rude and dismissive to me. Less than two minutes into our conversation she asked me how I was feeling and I gave her the usual honest-but-down-playing-it-to-avoid-an-awkard-silence answer that I (as many of us) am used to giving. She responded with, “yeah, I know a couple of other people with Crohn’s but they ‘get over it’ eventually”. What?? Excuse me?? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? It’s comments like these that makes us feel like receding back into ourselves to avoid talking about it openly. 

I’m sorry. I know this is a long winded rant, but I think a lot of us think the same thing. I know a girl with another kind of chronic illness who talks about her struggles openly yet the reception she gets is completely different. The disease that she has is fatal and I understand why she gets such a huge amount of praise and understanding, but it’s exceptionally frustrating for my posts and conversations to be met with blank-faced-boredom and the kind of “why are you still talking” reaction. 


Basically, if you feel like you’re not understood or taken seriously, please know that you’re not alone in that feeling. You are understood. You are loved. You are valued and there are most definitely other people who are going through the same exact situation. 

so at my college we have this giant pendulum hanging outside of the science building.

it had to be taken down today because basically half of the male student population stripped down, channeled their inner Miley, and parodied the ‘Wrecking Ball’ video.

really though there are like 234098290 vines going around of naked boys on this ball.

2

400 BIRDS SEIZED FROM ATLANTA HOME UPDATE:
Having signed a secrecy waiver, I can only talk about certain things retaining to the subject of these poor birdies, so here’s my best shot.
Today we moved the rest of the ones that were in small cages to bigger ones.. and now only few are not in appropriately sized cages, but we do have the cages on hand to give that to them, so we really do not need more cages.
The majority of the birds are very ill with a disease that I cant disclose, buy it is bad enough that we are losing volunteer and are told to stay away from our personal birds for 24 hours. I luckily have a second house I am staying at but a lot of people don’t and now they cannot volunteer.
Here are a few pictures I was allowed to rake of the more common birds, and some of the healthiest looking, luckily not all of these birds look beat up.
What we desperately need right now are volunteers and money. We will have to treat ALL of these birds for several diseases and it will cost a LOT of money. Like probably over 10,000$ a lot. It’s terrible and there are people threatening to just euthanize these birds but we cannot let that happen.
We need volunteers daily desperately, if you or someone you know lives in Georgia and wants to help out please message me and I will give you details! We need people who are not afraid of any sized bird and know the risks involved with sick birds and home birds.
It’s amazing to see how many of these birds are actually friendly though. We get an hour every day to interact with a bird of choice, and we have realized that maybe half of them are somewhat or mostly handleable. A lot of lorikeets are just babies and are very nice.. and some Amazon’s are too!
We need your support more than ever.. please donate to the “Dekalb County Animal Services” on their website and specify that it is for the parrots! BOOST

Pairing: Brett x reader

Prompt: You have a heart defect which causes your heart rate to be abnormally slow. But whenever Brett is around it goes back up to normal.

Authors note: I really hope you read and enjoy it cause I loved writing this :)

I always get the same questions. “Is it weird having a heart defect?” “Do you feel different from everyone else because of it?” “Do you get depressed because of it?” And my answer is always the same. The struggle is part of my story.

Keep reading

shenkuchan  asked:

I just noticed something from your food choices, the lack of meat. So i have to ask Jaxblade are you Vegetarian now?

Me…Vegetarian?!?

No, I’m not and probably never will be
But I do eat mostly vegetarian through out the week 
just cause I do it for Health reasons because my mother is pre-diabetic and my father is diabetic so that was just a massive wakeup call. Also a lot of people in my family have high blood pressure, passed away from heart disease and cancers and it was really just something i started thinking of taking care of my diet and a long time ago a friend gave me some advice on various sources of protein besides animal stuff. so I started doing it without even really thinking about it and I usually do it for 4-5 days out the week very sparingly eating it and then on Cheat Days I FEAST ON WHATEVER I WANT

STEAK, FRIED CHICKEN, BURGERS etc lol

I honestly feel pretty good, got a lot of energy, skin looks nice and I feel sweet. 

If I don't respond to you right away please don't be upset

Even if you see me reblog shit:

 1.) I probably am having trouble reading and or writing, reblogging is the easiest thing to do 

2.) I have maxed out my conversation quota for the day, it is a lot easier to max out now & be tired from interaction, I have to think of what to say. Once I think about what I’m saying, I have to type it up, which can be challenging.

3.) or I usually have stuff all ready in the queue, that way even when i am having a shitty day, i am still doing my part to share information I find.

ROS Disease, Haru, and Half-Ghouls?

It’s probably already been discussed and I know a lot of us wondered if Haru was a super young early CCG experiment before rough translations came out, BUT has anyone speculated whether Haru’s condition might be improved by being turned into a half-ghoul?  Perhaps having the kakuhou implant would help regulate the excess RC cells (now I’m getting ahead of myself but I wonder if she could achieve kakuja more easily…)?  If anyone’s already posted on this, I’d love to read it.  If not, I’d love to hear people’s thoughts.  

So a couple of observations regarding the episode Girl Meets I am Farkle (or Girl Meets Farkle… or Girl Meets World talks about Autism)

It threw me off at first that the kids reacted like Farkle was dying instead of probably being diagnosed autistic. Ngl I was a little insulted at that… Then I remembered that these are kids that have probably been exposed to misinterpretation of what autism is or that they have no clue as to what it’s like to be autistic (especially when there’s a chance he has Asperger’s Syndrome, which unless you actually KNOW, to the ignorant – or the “dumb dumbs” – it sounds like a disease).  So it now actually makes sense that their initial response to their dear friend probably being diagnosed with autism is fear and confusion and denial.

Then Girl Meets World did what unlike a lot of OTHER SHOWS have done in regards to Autism – Embraced it and Shed Light On it and Said It’s Not the Monster You Think It Is (did you also note the parallels w/ their parents talk of their past? yes, I caught that.)

The kids, wanting to help their friend cope with this change, did their research (and okay some of it is questionably simple because y’know DISNEY), and still said NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, NO MATTER WHO OR WHAT YOU ARE, WE STILL LOVE YOU AND STILL WANT TO BE A PART OF YOUR LIFE.

And that’s the lesson they taught in this episode. I’m not going to spoil it to those that have yet to watch the episode, but whatever had happened in the end the message was clear – No matter who or what you are, regardless of what you’re labelled with, you’re not alone and you have people who will love and respect and want to be with you.

good thing I had very low expectations for S3E23

No shockers here. None at all. *sigh* 

Twitter explosion? Uh, nope. Nothing happened earning that claim. In fact, every single “reveal” was guessed by Lizzington shippers well ahead of time.

Not a truly awful episode given Red’s set up for Kirk, though it felt more like a filler episode than a season finale.

The best parts (really, the only good parts): Red’s discussion with Cooper - beautiful; Red’s shock at learning of Kate’s betrayal while at the driving range; Red’s “What am I going to do with you, Kate?”

I understand Liz faking her death, doing whatever is necessary to keep your child safe. However, Tom being in on it, that’s a slap in the face to Red, to the story, and to Liz… involving a man who doesn’t have the capacity to love (as evidenced by Tom’s actions and stated by Jon). But, it’s all about the spin off now, to heck with doing right by Liz or what brought success to TBL, Red and Liz.

At the start of S4, I suppose we will have to suffer through Red working with Tom to locate Liz and Agnes? Because that’s certainly loads of fun to watch and makes hell-a-lot of sense. Actually, Red didn’t kill Tom because Liz was dead, so now that’s she’s alive, I imagine one of the first things Red would do is put a bullet in Tom’s sociopathic brain. But, nah, can’t do what makes sense when it comes to Tom.

As for “Masha, I am your father.” They’ll probably retcon that over the summer… don’t want to kill daddybait after all. But if this is daddy (as I’m guessing was confirmed with the blood swab by Solomon), is daddy simply after an organ? Liver disease often requires blood transfusions. Did little Masha hit daddy’s liver when she shot him all those years ago? Or maybe daddy dearest simply wants to have a relationship with his child before he dies… tell her how very awful Raymond Reddington is. Because every bad thing that’s happened since Red was born is ultimately Red’s fault.