and poor andrew was on the spot

Poor Hector

This is a story from our first campaign, where we were sent on a quest to rid a farmer named Hector of a pest who had been messing with his goats. After discovering that the monster was not in fact the gelatinous cube that we had defeated, but instead it was a "Lawful Good" Paladin that had been fucking a goat while on a bender (The goat did consent), we went back to Hector to get our reward. After messing around in his house, my character, a Bard/Merchant named Andrew, spotted a pitchfork mounted on the wall. The following events went like this.

Andrew: I would like to take the pitchfork.

DM: You take the pitchfork.

Andrew: I would like to sell the pitchfork to Hector.

DM: What? You want to sell Hector his own Pitchfork?

Andrew: Well, I try to convince him that it’s not his.

DM: You’re going to have to roll for it.

Andrew: Alright.

Nat 20.

DM: Oh my god. You convince him so well that he’s not even sure he’s ever owned a pitchfork in the first place.

Andrew: Alright. I would like to take the pitchfork back and sell it to him again.

DM: Are you sure? I mean, you can’t convince him that he doesn’t own a pitchfork again.

Andrew: Could Igor (The warforged companion of our healer) intimidate him for me?

DM: Uh, sure. I guess.

Successful Roll. 

DM: Igor successfully intimidates Hector into giving the last of his wealth to buy the pitchfork. He then goes to check on his wife.

Later, our Elf Thief Narvadia locked Hector in his bedroom with his wife. Then we all merrily went along to our next quest, leaving them stuck in their rooms to die.

Poor Hector.

Interviewer: Andrew, do you know how it resolves itself?
Sue: He’s dead by then.
Interviewer: Oh, have you signed on for Series Three by the way?
Andrew: …
Sue: (Laughing)
Andrew: (Pause) Eh… no… uh…
Everyone: (Laughing)
Interviewer: No?
Andrew: (Shaking head) No. 
Interviewer: (Long pause) Anyway… have you…
Everyone: (Laughing)