voodoo dicks dude
honestly, at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if they have that porn somewhere.
Like the whole Onahole thing is interestingly hilarious as fuck because that means Ardyn can fuck and troll Noctis at any point in the game (let’s ignore the obvious non-con and go for comedy porn)
Like, Noctis would just be chilling playing with his phone and then suddenly he feels a dick in his ass and doesn’t know what’s happening at all. Like he knows what a dick feels like because we all know that skank ain’t a virgin, BUT he’s just confused as fuck as to why it feels like this.
But what do you tell your friends??? “Help I think there’s an invisible dick in my ass?” he would die of embarrassment, Nah Noctis would take that shit to his grave. He’ll sit there, feeling how he’s getting fucked non-stop and feeling good as fuck but he has to keep a neutral face while Ignis is making them some Quesadillas and Prompto is showing him pictures of some lame ass bird. He’ll have to just grunt when Gladio slaps his back to say hi and would have to be quiet or else he’ll moan all over the place and talk about how he needs to get fucked harder.
That’s just during camping tho, then they fighting and Noctis suddenly trips when trying to attack because the ghost dick is back and it went in without being announced. Here he is fighting a fucking malboro and getting fucked while literally getting fucked as well. In the end, if you think about it, he’ll become a master of multitasking during sex.
During the night he’s just trying to sleep and then the ghost dick is back but Noctis is like fuck your dick ghost, I’m going to keep sleeping. And that’s how Noctis learned to live with Ardyn trolling him with a voodoo onahole. He has become the master of hiding his pleasure because fuck, when you are getting fucked at any time during the day then how can you not.
But then during the last campfire scene, they all talking about how interesting their lives have been for the past ten years, but Noctis has got nothing to say because fuck he’s been asleep for 10 whole god damn years. He didn’t do shit but pass out and grow a half-assed beard.
So he wants to be part of the conversation and is like “You know, before I took my power nap I was getting fucked by a ghost dick.”
And that’s how the bros find out why Noctis was always so easy to stretch.