and now we have to wait forever

I figured out how to stop loving someone you’re not supposed to love anymore. I know it sounds impossible but trust me, we’ve done it before. I told my first love that I’d love him forever, but I don’t anymore. He has a spot in my heart- just like my dog and my best friends and a teacher that changed my life- but I don’t love him anymore because that was a different person who was with him and I’m not her anymore. And one day, we’ll no longer love the people we love now, we just have to wait for ourselves to change again. And we try to speed it up by starting new hobbies, getting haircuts, moving, learning a new language. Anything. Because the sad truth is we know we need to shed part of ourselves to fall out of love. And that sucks but it’s necessary.
Dear Evan Hansen Soundtrack Summarized
  • Anybody Have A Map: Wait how do you parent
  • Waving Through A Window: Tears and loneliness
  • For Forever: If I had friends
  • Sincerely Me: We're not gay we swear
  • Requiem: You were a douche and I'm happy you're dead
  • If I Could Tell Her: I said it but he said it
  • Disappear: I'm lonely so I'm gonna make a foundation dedicated to some dead kid
  • You Will Be Found: If you weren't crying you are now
  • To Break In A Glove: I got a new dad with the power of shaving cream
  • Only Us: Quit focusing on my dead brother and kiss me
  • Good For You: Screw you for being happy
  • Words Fail: Well I done messed up
  • So Big/So Small: I wasn't there for you before but I'm here now so love me!!!
  • Finale: The room is flooded with tears and that's okay
14 Lines From Love Letters Or Suicide Notes

(reposted by request. cheers.)

 
14 Lines From Love Letters Or Suicide Notes.

1. Don’t freak out.

2. We both know this has been coming for a long time.

3. I have been staying awake at nights, wondering if I should tell you.

4. I bought the kind of crackers you like. They are in the hall cupboard.

5. Now that we have watched all the episodes of True Blood, I do not know what else to do next.

6. I have just been too afraid for too long.

7. This is the kind of thing where waiting for the time to be right would just mean waiting forever; it’s the kind of thing no one else can help you decide.

8. I came home on Thursday and found all of the chairs in the house stacked in a pile in the center of my kitchen; I don’t know how long they have been like that, but it must have been me that did it. It is the kind of thing a ghost might do, to prove to the living he is still there. I am haunting my own apartment.

9. My grandmother was still alive when I was five years old and she told me to check if the iron was hot enough yet, so I pressed my hand against it, and it was red and screaming for hours. Twenty five years later she would still sometimes apologize, in the middle of conversations, I feel so bad about making you touch the iron, she would say, as though it had just happened. I cannot imagine how we forgive ourselves for all of the things we didn’t say until it was too late. But how else do you tell if something is hot but to touch it?

10. I imagine my furniture in your apartment.  

11. I wonder how many likes it will get on facebook.

12. My dad always used to tell the same joke, but I can’t remember the punch line.

13. I was eight years old and it took three weeks (three eight year old weeks— imagine) to gather everything I needed to be Batman. Rope, boomerangs, a mardi gras mask with the beads cut off. I couldn’t find a cave near my house, so I buried them all in a bundle under the ivy. For years after,

I tried to find that spot again.

          The ivy grew too fast.

              I searched in so many spots

it seemed impossible I had missed any.

But I never found it.

How can something be there

       and then just not be there?

         How do we forgive ourselves

             for all the things we did not become?

14. I was never bold enough to buy bright green sheets. I wanted them, but always thought they were too brash, even with no one but me to see them. I bought a set yesterday and put them on the bed. I knew that you would like them.

—-

A life full of “I love you’s”
— 

One day “my bed” will turn into “our bed”, and we will sleep together throughout the night. I will be there if you have a bad dream, to comfort you. And I’ll be there when you wake up for that good morning kiss. “I’ll be home in a minute” will mean “I’ll see you soon”, and all of this waiting right now will be worth it. There won’t be miles between us. Till the day we say “I do”, I will always be looking forward to it. I will always be looking forward to a life full of you.

- A life full of “I love you’s” (via @walker130 )

@joebrown7

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can’t. I’ll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I’m excited. Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B’s. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That’s me! - Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I’d make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I’m glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I’m not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don’t waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That’s why we don’t need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp… under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of… …9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it’s just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it’ll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as… Honey! - That girl was hot. - She’s my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we’re all cousins. - Right. You’re right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you’ll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. What’s the difference? You’ll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. So you’ll just work us to death? We’ll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! “What’s the difference?” How can you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I’ve never seen them this close. They know what it’s like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don’t come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You’re monsters! You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don’t know. Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That’s more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It’s just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you’re wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let’s have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I’d knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We’re hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you’re not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We’re going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you’re interested in? - Well, there’s a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It’s a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I’m not trying to be funny. You’re not funny! You’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You’re gonna be a stirrer? - No one’s listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I’m gonna get an ant tattoo! Let’s open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody “dawg”! I’m so proud. - We’re starting work today! - Today’s the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal… - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them’s yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What’d you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What’s available? Restroom attendant’s open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you’re on. I’m sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey’s always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He’s dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That’s life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should… Barry? Barry! All right, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine… What happened to you? Where are you? - I’m going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You’re gonna die! You’re crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck’s restricted. It’s OK, Lou. We’re gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That’s awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let’s move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It’s got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It’s a little bit of magic. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? That’s pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don’t we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You’re reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It’s a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama’s little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don’t think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you’re about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There’s a bee in the car! - Do something! - I’m driving! - Hi, bee. - He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow… the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan’t fly in rain. Oan’t fly in rain. Oan’t fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don’t need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This… Drapes! That is diabolical. It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What’s number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don’t go for that… …kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn’t talk to them. They’re out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they’re flabbergasted, can’t believe what I say. There’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. I don’t remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don’t kill him! You know I’m allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I’m just saying all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I’m not scared of him. It’s an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can’t. How should I start it? “You like jazz?” No, that’s no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I’m sorry. - You’re talking. - Yes, I know. You’re talking! I’m so sorry. No, it’s OK. It’s fine. I know I’m dreaming. But I don’t recall going to bed. Well, I’m sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you’re a bee! I am. And I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn’t for you… I had to thank you. It’s just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I’m talking with a bee. - Yeah. I’m talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I’m grateful. I’ll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. “Mama, Dada, honey.” You pick it up. - That’s very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway… Oan I… …get you something? - Like what? I don’t know. I mean… I don’t know. Ooffee? I don’t want to put you out. It’s no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It’s just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don’t be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn’t. - Have some. - No, I can’t. - Oome on! I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don’t help. You look great! I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He’s making the tie in the cab as they’re flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, “Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?” Is that a bee joke? That’s the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look… There’s my hive right there. See it? You’re in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I’m right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It’s like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I’ll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it’s no trouble. Sorry I couldn’t finish it. If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Are you…? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then… I guess I’ll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again… for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but… Anyway… This can’t possibly work. He’s all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don’t. - How’d you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your “experience.” Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well… - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I’m not attracted to spiders. I know it’s the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. So who is she? She’s… human. No, no. That’s a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. - Her name’s Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She’s so nice. And she’s a florist! Oh, no! You’re dating a human florist! We’re not dating. You’re flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin’ stripey! And that’s not what they eat. That’s what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It’s bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up… Sit down! …really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We’re us. There’s us and there’s them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He’s in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It’s been three days! Why aren’t you working? I’ve got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You’re barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father’s talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I’m talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I’ll catch up. Don’t be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We’re still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn’t respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don’t listen! I’m not listening to this. Sorry, I’ve gotta go. - Where are you going? - I’m meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can’t decide? Bye. I just hope she’s Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that’s every florist’s dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I’ve got one. How come you don’t fly everywhere? It’s exhausting. Why don’t you run everywhere? It’s faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That’s insane! You don’t have that? We have Hivo, but it’s a disease. It’s a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It’s usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It’s a bug. He’s not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic ‘N’ Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You’ve really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I’ll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don’t have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it’s hard to make it! There’s heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It’s organic. - It’s our-ganic! It’s just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don’t know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You’ve taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it’s on sale?! I’m getting to the bottom of this. I’m getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I’ll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You’re busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you’ll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who’s your supplier? I don’t understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You’re too late! It’s ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they’re on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You’re not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I’m going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I’m going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It’s your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I’m Oarl Kasell. But don’t kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they’re getting it. I mean, that honey’s ours. - Bees hang tight. - We’re all jammed in. It’s a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you’re out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don’t want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood’s about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I’d catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it’s pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee’s got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That’s the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. “They make the honey, and we make the money”? Oh, my! What’s going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn’t last too long. Do you know you’re in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That’s a man in women’s clothes! That’s a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There’s hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That’s a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That’s a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He’s been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn’t stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it’s true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That’s a killer. There’s only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive’s only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I’m Bob Bumble. - And I’m Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we’ll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we’re talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, “I’m a kid from the hive. I can’t do this”? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I’m from, we’d never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It’s a common name. Next week… He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots… Next week… Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They’re scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She’s 81. Honey, her backhand’s a joke! I’m not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I’m helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we’re really busy working. But it’s our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting… - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you’re three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that’s had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit’s a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I’m done with the humans, they won’t be able to say, “Honey, I’m home,” without paying a royalty! It’s an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It’s pretty big, isn’t it? I can’t believe how many humans don’t work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What’s the matter? - I don’t know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn’t the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you’re representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson… you’re representing all the bees of the world? I’m kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we’re ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man’s divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn’t some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there’s no trickery here. I’m just an ordinary bee. Honey’s pretty important to me. It’s important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we’re the little guys! I’m hoping that, after this is all over, you’ll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he’d dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don’t imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn’t hear you. - No. - No. Because you don’t free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They’re very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How’d you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that’s enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you’ve never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven’t. No, you haven’t. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I’m feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say… Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That’s not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you’re devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that’s ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn’t. But is this what it’s come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don’t have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn’t a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn’t someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You’re all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury’s on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I’m a florist. Right. Well, here’s to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn’t think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but… the battery. I didn’t want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There’s a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you’re quite a tennis player. I’m not much for the game myself. The ball’s a little grabby. That’s where I usually sit. Right… there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn’t really a special skill. You think I don’t see what you’re doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That’s just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I’m going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I’ve just about had it with your little mind games. - What’s that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that’s a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can’t seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I’m wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I’ve got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You’re bluffing. - Am I? Surf’s up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don’t even like honey! I don’t eat it! We need to talk! He’s just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I’ve met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you’re one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night… My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I’m sorry about all that. I know it’s got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn’t overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he’s considered one of the best lawyers… Yeah. Layton, you’ve gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it’s gonna be all over. Don’t worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don’t like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I’ll ask you what I think we’d all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We’re friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute… Are you her little… …bedbug? I’ve seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn’t your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but… - So those aren’t your real parents! - Oh, Barry… - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You’re an illegitimate bee, aren’t you, Benson? He’s denouncing bees! Don’t y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I’m going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don’t! It’s what he wants! Oh, I’m hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can’t treat them like equals! They’re striped savages! Stinging’s the only thing they know! It’s their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can’t feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I… I blew the whole case, didn’t I? It doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re alive. You could have died. I’d be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there’s a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can’t explain it. It was all… All adrenaline and then… and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I’m sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We’re just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don’t know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn’t sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don’t check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don’t smoke. Right. Bees don’t smoke. Bees don’t smoke! But some bees are smoking. That’s it! That’s our case! It is? It’s not over? Get dressed. I’ve gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you’ve done step correctly, you’re ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it’s interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don’t make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about… Your Honor, haven’t these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court’s valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I’m afraid I’m going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery’s motion. But you can’t! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It’s a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn’t hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, “Smoking or non?” Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He’s playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I’m OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won’t have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You’ll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery’s right? - What do you mean? We’ve been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we’ll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We’re all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He’ll have nauseous for a few hours, then he’ll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames… But it’s just a prance-about stage name! …unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan’t breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there’s gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We’ve never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We’re shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn’t believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What’s going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They’re home. They don’t know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn’t? It’s the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now… Now I can’t. I don’t understand why they’re not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They’re doing nothing. It’s amazing. Honey really changes people. You don’t have any idea what’s going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They’re all wilting. Doesn’t look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I’m gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn’t think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It’s notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That’s our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course… The human species? So if there’s no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn’t it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I’ll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry… sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They’ve moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It’s the last chance I’ll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I’m sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can’t do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That’s why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I’ve ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I’ve made it worse. Actually, it’s completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it’s greater than my previous ideas combined. I don’t want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they’ve got back here with what we’ve got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They’ve got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It’s real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I’m the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I’m getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let’s see what this baby’ll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic… …without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there’s no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It’s part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we’re lucky, we’ll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It’s got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we’ll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They’ll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I’d like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I’m in a real situation. - What’d you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don’t freak out! My entire species… What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I’m an attorney! - Who’s an attorney? Don’t move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One’s bald, one’s in a boat, they’re both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one’s flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What’s your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I’m a florist from New York. Where’s the pilot? He’s unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who’s that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It’s got giant wings, huge engines. I can’t fly a plane. - Why not? Isn’t John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We’re headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory… That’s Barry! …is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There’s a bee on that plane. I’m quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They’ve done enough damage. But isn’t he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn’t be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small… Haven’t we heard this a million times? “The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense.” - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We’re going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That’s why I want to get bees back to working together. That’s the bee way! We’re not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn’t so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we’re not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let’s get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I’d do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don’t have to yell. I’m not yelling! We’re in a lot of trouble. It’s very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It’s not a tone. I’m panicking! I can’t do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it’s my turn. How is the plane flying? I don’t know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let’s drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can’t see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It’s all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I’m feeling something. - What? - I don’t know. It’s strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We’re going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That’s it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I’m aiming at the flower! That’s a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This’s the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don’t be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we’re not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We’re the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we’re gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We’re bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You’ve earned this. Yeah! I’m a Pollen Jock! And it’s a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That’s our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now’s the time. I got a feeling we’ll be working late tonight! Here’s your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who’s next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don’t forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it’s all me. And I don’t see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I’m sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I’m late. He’s a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can’t get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You’re a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who’s next? All right, scramble, jocks! It’s time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let’s just stop for a second. Hold it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, everyone.Can we stop here? I’m not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that
—  The Bee Movie

She’s gotta do what makes her happy, and tbh it’s starting to seem like leaving SM and having the freedom to create what she wants to create and having more support is the only way she’s going to get there.

I want f(x) to stay together forever, but the reality is that no groups last forever. I suspected she wasn’t happy for months now, and it’s all making sense.

SM just isn’t the place for her anymore. She deserves better, and while I do hope she can reach some kind of compromise or agreement with them, I won’t be surprised if she doesn’t.

Just continue to support her during this time. That’s pretty much all we can do while we wait.

.

Eggsy Unwin walked in to his living room to find one Harry Hart, SuperSpy, Surviour-of-a-Bullet-to-the-Head, Head of a Secret Organisation, and just generally all round Badass, staring at his five year old sister in horror as though she had just declared that Oxfords were repulsive and Brogues the height of fashion.

She hadn’t of course. She was five. Glitter was the height of fashion for her. Also Harry had known Daisy for years at this point, so why was he suddenly terrified? She hadn’t even gotten any of the aforementioned glitter on a single piece of furniture (which was an act of fucking magic really).

“Harry? You okay there bruv?”

“Daisy is five years old. Your sister is five years old.” Harry stated without tearing his still terrified gaze away from Daisy who was happily drawing pictures of what appeared to be a very overweight pug.

“Yep. You was at her party last month. You wore an Elsa party hat. ‘member?” Eggsy was honestly confused and slightly worried by Harry’s behaviour.

“But she’s your sister Eggsy, and she’s five years old.” Harry looked up at Eggsy with pure horror in his eyes and Eggsy thought even if Harry was having one of those ‘oh she’s growing up so fast how is it possible’ moments that his mum was so fond of, he was still kind of overreacting.

“I’m confused Harry. What is going on?”

“Your sister is five years old. I am fifty five years old.”

“Are we just stating people’s ages now?”

“….. My sister-in-law is fifty years younger than me”

Can we talk about the boys?

Yesterday was a very emotional year for all of us. But I’m ready to think now. To analyze what went down… But seriously, can you believe that fucking kiss?? Hahah I am SHOOK!

Okay, each character could have a thesis written about them, based on the last clip. But I’m just gonna focus on the boys for now, because they are the center of the drama I really care about (bye girls!)

First of all, that singing scene was such a blessing. So powerful and peaceful. You could see how much it actually meant for Even, just before he started singing. It was a big deal for him. And Isak adoring him so so much. I was speechless. But the look at Even’s face when the Bakka boys show up. 

Everything changes. Even had built up the confident to sing this powerful song, that probably has a lot of meaning to him, but the sight of the guys makes him lose everything. That look in his eyes is still haunting me. He looks straight up scared. You can see his breathing intensifies, like his heart starts beating really fast. The sight of the boys gives him a physical reaction. But Isak notice straight away, and he doesn’t hesitate for a second. He is there for his man. You are not alone, Even. You are never alone, remember that!… 

While Isak’s focus is on Even; Magnus and Jonas’s attention is drawn to the source of ‘the problem’. They look over their shoulders, and probably see the Bakka Boys entering the room, connecting them to Even’s discomfort. 

And can we just praise the boy squad for a second? Everything the girl squad has lost; the boy squad has gained. They are stronger than ever! They have each other’s back. All Magnus had to do, was basically sending Jonas and Madhi a look, and they knew what to do. I love these boys so much. Their love for each other is so pure, and the way they have adopted Even into their group makes me have no doubt, that Even knows how much they all love and respect him (which is very important). Even’s fear and insecurities disappears again, as soon as Isak is by his side, and everything is just pure and beautiful. And after the song Even is not afraid to show affection for Isak, and Isak is not afraid to show affection for Even. *cries*

We don’t know much of what happens after this. We know Yousef was roaming the room, while Sana and Chris was talking. You would think he would search up Sana, but he doesn’t. 

He is searching the room (maybe looking for Even or Mikael, who left the venue as fast as he entered it.), and then goes back to his friends who stands at the door. It looks like their attention is on something outside. Maybe the boy squad is out there with Mikael?

We know Mikael goes in with the boys, but when we see the boys again, he is gone. Did he leave immediately when he saw Even? And what is going on outside? Are the boys already arguing? Most likely, because only 1 minute later, Yousef comes for Sana to let her know her brother is in trouble. What strikes mere here, is that Yousef doesn’t go with Sana. He stays behind. His best friends are in a fight, and he just leaves the scene and makes it Sana’s problem? That is so weird. Why would he do that? It seems like Yousef is hiding something, we still don’t know about.

When we enter the fight, it has already preaked. Isak has been punched in the face. Even and him are staying in the background at this point, and the rest of the boys are still on it. We don’t know if the fight started because of Isak or because of Even, and Isak just took the punch by accident. 

The scene makes it look like Elias is the one fighting the fight, and he is also the one Yousef says is in trouble (but that could be because it’s her brother, and not because he is the center of the fight). He also looks really pissed when leaving.

But we don’t know who punched Isak, what started it or if it was full on the intention to punch him in the face. Right now, I think they want us to think, that this is simple straight up homophobia, but I don’t think it’s that simple at all. That really makes no sense. Something deeper is behind all this. Elias could also just have entered the fight, when he saw Mikael being outnumbered in a discussion, without knowing what is was about, and it just developed to a physical fight, where Isak’s pretty face was at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Sana needs to find the underlying cause of all this, and I’m sure she will. I thought we would get a better look at Even’s relationship with the Bakka boys, but I’m just left more confused. When Even talked about them with Sana at school, he did it with such warmth in his voice and look. But when confronted with them, he looks so scared. Both when singing, but also when the fight is over, and he is comforting Isak. 

The look in his eyes. He looks so shocked and scared. Like he doesn’t know what to do. And now we have to wait 10 days!!! I can’t deal with this. But I’m sure, Sana will talk to Isak shortly after the break, because this picture shows Isak with, what was presumed to be a black eye, and those doesn’t last forever. It has to take place not too long from now. I really want to hear what happened. Both from Isak and from Elias.

That makes sense with the break teaser, where the black eye is a left eye as well.

Johnny’s Foreword for Disney Pirates: The Definitive Collector’s Anthology

Since early childhood, some point between innocence and ignorance, I recognized, as luck would have it, that I somehow possessed the presence of mind to be incessantly curious and obsessively observant of those around me. Even to the point that for a couple of years - well before my teens, I was convinced that my life’s calling was to be an impersonator. I was utterly blown away by the fact it was possible to change one’s voice and mannerisms in order to elicit an instant transformation of the face, so that, immediately, the person I had been watching, was no longer themselves. They had disappeared and transformed into another being!

I was fascinated by human behavior, especially when the subjects were unaware that they were being observed. Those elusive opportunities where one might witness moments of simple and true behaviour - pure honesty - where the subject simply exists, unaware of anything within their vicinity - floating from thought, to thought, to thought. It then became my sworn duty to alarm, unnerve, startle, shock, annoy, terrorize and panic these unfortunate subjects, who largely turned out to be my family - the poor sods. And all this just to satisfy my need, my fix, for the purity of disrupting their private reveries so as to experience the bona-fide vérité of that inevitable, involuntary reflex and recoil of horror and fear. Why, you ask? Because it made me laugh. I would howl for hours, even days, reliving those instances. But, I needed more. In my youthful glee, I became addicted to these utterly spontaneous, in the moment responses. The truth,’ as they say, ‘will set you free.’ And, it most assuredly did. I’d found my true calling. It was in my DNA to provoke and prod - others as much as myself. I know there is some sliver of cruelty in there, and for that I can undoubtedly salute the chequered history of my unruly gene pool. But, in a bizarre flip, somewhere down the road, all of these rascally provocations from childhood became the tools in my tool box for the work I do today. Was I absolutely positive that there would be ghastly repercussions? Yes! But, I didn’t care. I couldn’t. It was, just simply, plus fort que moi. It was much stronger than me. My props were limited but my mind was not. Rubber snakes, fake spiders, frighteningly strange noises. It had developed to the point where my parents were actually concerned for my sanity as my addled brain conjured up prank after prank to feed my worrying sense of humor and its treacherous obstacle course.

I forged ahead like a bull rhino. The more I learned, the more I became cautious of anyone who might belong to the seemingly straight and narrow, as I’d been driving my teachers insane, and had they been able to catch me in the act, they’d have roasted me! So, I suppose that’s why I never cared much for the suits. They represented the enemy to me. The humor impaired. They were the school principals, the deans, the truant officer, the doctor, the dentist, the fraudulent evangelists. The stern and bitter type folks, incapable of drudging up a smile that hadn’t been born out of their own perverse notion that they held the monopoly on the 'power.’ Authority has always been a problem. Beloved rogues were my heroes. The rule breakers. From Blackbeard, to Dillinger. From Jim Morrison to Iggy Pop. The list goes on. So, my everdarkening adolescent cerebrum reached out to these iconoclastic mavericks, who blatantly scoffed at convention without a care in the world, as organic an urge as taking a breath. They gave me the impetus to escape a life of mundanity. I knew I was destined for something a little more undisciplined and ungoverned. Life was mine to explore! Some have suggested that Captain Jack Sparrow was the pinnacle of that search. But, the truth is that he has always been an integral part of me, from day zero.

Cut To: Day One. Set of POTC 'Curse of the Black Pearl.’ An absurd feeling. Like arriving, for the very first time, in a place you’ve always known. I understood everything. Immediately. This was where I was meant to be. My tumultuous trek, battling toward the edge of honesty’s limits had reached its zenith. However, that battle was not over. It never is, of course, and I had to fight for my vision of the character. My truth. And that vision was realized, thanks to the ‘guts’ of Jerry, Gore, and the finest executive that The Walt Disney Company has ever employed, Dick Cook, not to mention our dedicated and incredible crews - the true soldiers who get these films done with their very blood and sweat!!! They give the film its magic. But, above all, we must thank our dear audience. For, without them, there would be 'no glory.’ We would never have gotten anywhere. But now, here we are, some five movies later with our new directors, Joachim & Espen, administering some fresh wonder, still on the ride and loving it!!!

The future is always a riddle waiting to be solved, but I know that wherever we go, Captain Jack Sparrow will remain close by. His irreverent, absurdist spirit, forever loitering intently beneath the surface of all that threatens to tame us, to bore us, and to trick us.

So, don’t be tamed. Don’t be bored. And don’t be fooled.

Long live the Pirates life.

                                                                  —JOHNNY DEPP (Surrey, 02.05.'17)

“I knew I was destined for something a little more undisciplined and ungoverned. Life was mine to explore! Some have suggested that Captain Jack Sparrow was the pinnacle of that search. But, the truth is that he has always been an integral part of me, from day zero.
Cut To: Day One. Set of POTC ‘Curse of the Black Pearl.’ An absurd feeling. Like arriving, for the very first time, in a place you’ve always known. I understood everything. Immediately. This was where I was meant to be. My tumultuous trek, battling toward the edge of honesty’s limits had reached its zenith. However, that battle was not over. It never is, of course, and I had to fight for my vision of the character. My truth. And that vision was realized, thanks to the ‘guts’ of Jerry, Gore, and the finest executive that The Walt Disney Company has ever employed, Dick Cook, not to mention our dedicated and incredible crews - the true soldiers who get these films done with their very blood and sweat!!! They give the film its magic. But, above all, we must thank our dear audience. For, without them, there would be 'no glory.’ We would never have gotten anywhere. But now, here we are, some five movies later with our new directors, Joachim & Espen, administering some fresh wonder, still on the ride and loving it!!!
The future is always a riddle waiting to be solved, but I know that wherever we go, Captain Jack Sparrow will remain close by. His irreverent, absurdist spirit, forever loitering intently beneath the surface of all that threatens to tame us, to bore us, and to trick us.

So, don’t be tamed. Don’t be bored. And don’t be fooled.
Long live the Pirates life.”

- Johnny Depp (Surrey, 02.05.2017)

9

CRCNKGAMEPLAYS HIT 2K!!

okay wow???? i’m so speechless to have yet another thousand people follow this shitty excuse of a blog?? thank you for everyone who follows, gives me asks, interacts with me, everything really. you guys are the real mvps. i love each and every one of you guys. i know i keep on saying that but i truly mean it. each follower means so much to me and i’m amazed at why you all follow me in the first place?

nOW I THINK YOU’VE ALL HEARD OF HOW i started this blog because i wanted to share my love for youtube, bLAH BLAH. but???? i literally started this blog as also a screesnhot dump. i never thought i would make edits (gifs, graphics, all that jazz) and have people actually enjoy them? i’m so glad that i found this community and to be apart of. it’s such a lively and diverse and spectacular fandom. yes, we may have our ups and downs but in the end we come together and bond over our love of youtube.

is it weird i still remember the joy of reaching 100 followers or even 500 followers? and now to 1k and i’m at 2k!! i had this sideblog for only four months and i gained 2k like that. i’m shook through and through yOU GUYS.

that being said, here’s an updated version of my follow forever!! thank you all for being apart of my life and i can’t wait to continue making more stuff! 

**keep in mind, the people i list are in no particular order!! (except for “biggest fans”)**

biggest fans, as said on my activity. thanks for being active!!

@dionvsus @sayonai @issacat @memeblitzgameing

good friendos

@crankycrcnk @allthingsgtlive @thelastjedix

rad af mutuals who make rad things 

@martziplier98 @markired @nestorquik @ya-oru @lum1natrix @amynelsons @sayonai @rossdonovans @darkplier @jiminy-krispies @jchnmulany @pacifierphil 

cool editors i look up to

@markired @martziplier98 @nestorquik @ya-oru @sayonai @darkplier @lum1natrix @dogiplier @disc-of-riches @aj-squidkid @fluffy-jack @jiminy-krispies @captain-ass-ass @marielgum @rossdonovans @toquotemark @angelboyjack @megsiplier 

iconic people i see on my activity feed aLL THE TIME

@rossdonovans @crankycrcnk @antisepticdie @nats-doodles-and-anxiety @puzzleleaf @cinnamon-grump @sayonai @raisincookiesthatlooklikechocola @whotakuhimes @trash-i-plier @its-a-face-off @memeblitzgameing @i-doodle @shortfancy @donna-watson-winchester @jinxxedcoma @merplerpderpdrowned @silverfairylights @justanothergeekgirl @fusionfirealchemist and others more i forgot, sorry!

I’m in love with her. I know because her voice brings more calm over me than I ever thought was possible. I’m in love with her. I know because her smile warms my whole body and I can’t help but smile myself. I’m in love with her. I know because her laugh is a laugh I want to hear for the rest of my life. I’m in love with her. I know because no matter how many disagreements we get in I don’t want to walk away, I want to work it out. I’m in love with her. I know because we talk of our future, and it no longer scares me the way it used to. I’m in love with her. I know because I found my soulmate, I have the most beautiful girl in the universe, her smile, her laugh, the way she scrunches her nose when I call her cute, she’s stunning, and I once feared the feelings I have now, but with her I embrace them. I am in love with her, and I can’t wait to spend forever by her side.
—  I’m in love with you

Tim and Damian purposely disagree on everything. Even if one is saying something the other actually agrees with, the other will change his view just so he can be on the opposite side of the argument. 


“Father, I must report that I have found a stray kitten in an alleyway and I request that we keep it and add it to our family." 

"We’ve had this talk before, Damian,” Bruce muttered tiredly, not looking away from his computer. 

“Haha, yeah, kid, how about you go make some actual friends instead of buying animals to love you,” Tim added from where he sat sprawled out on the floor under Bruce’s desk. He threw a gummy bear from the large bowl he held and hit Damian in the eye. 

Damian growled, “This does not concern you, Drake." 

"Actually, I beg to differ, demon spawn. After the dog, the cat, the turkey, the cow, and the dragon bat, I think we’re done with the whole pet thing. For a bunch of billionaires with a giant mansion, unfortunately we just don’t have the space for it. There is no reason for us to adopt another animal, especially if you’re just going to train it to fight crime with you like all the others." 

Damian bared his teeth. "I will literally skin you alive." 

"Make me!” Another gummy bear hit Damian in the face. 

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose and stood, dragging Tim our from his spot under the desk despite his protests. “Boys, I’m working right now. Tim, go find some way to entertain yourself besides picking a fight with your brother. Damian, we are not getting you another pet. Now both of you go away and let me work.”  

Damian clicked his tongue. “That is fine, father. After realizing it would have to share a home with Drake,” he sneered, “I no longer wish to condemn an innocent kitten to this house." 

Tim of course couldn’t just let that stand. "Wait wait wait, well now hold on there! I’ll have you know that we have been needing a new pet for years, and if we don’t add that kitten - what’s his name?" 

"French Fry." 

French Fry to our family, I will personally leave this house forever and live at the zoo where I can get a reasonable amount of animal snuggles. C'mon Damian, we are getting you that cat you murderous little monster.“ 

"Well if you insist, you disgusting pile of garbage,” Damian replied, shrugging. 

As Tim towed him from the room, Damian turned his head to give Bruce an evil smug smile, for he had won.   

little adhd things (inattentive type edition):
  • i put a thing down 6 seconds ago and now it has vanished into the fucking ether
  • im going to do something productive, i say, proceeding to do one totally useless thing for 4 straight hours
  • time is an illusion
  • whenever someone interrupts me whatever train of thought i was on is gone Forever never to be seen again
  • except then that train of thought comes back half an hour later and i have to bring it up regardless of what we’re talking about now
  • tf do u mean that’s due Tomorrow. wait what day is it. wait shit
  • im going to take a quick break, i say, getting distracted by one totally useless thing for 4 straight hours
  • suddenly the sun is rising
  • im sorry i have no idea what you just said i got distracted bc my brain got stuck on something you said ten minutes ago
  • i can do this!! (thirty seconds later) im so bored im going to commit a crime
  • movies/podcasts/shows that are longer than 10 minutes an episode: too long. cannot pay attention for that long. going to do some other totally useless thing for 4 straight hours
  • rereading the instructions 16 times and still missing something
  • getting yelled at for forgetting things like Sorry Im Mentally Ill
  • “why am i like this”

feel free 2 add (haAHha) ur own

anonymous asked:

Jem, I'm sorry for this plagiarism saga. And all the salty anon. Let me be the vinegary anon (was going to say sweet, but I'm not really) to balance the palate yeah? Let's play a copycat bingo, shall we? All you have to do is say bingo everytime I guess right because I have been running my investigation in the small pool of SLBP writers and I think I have found your plagiarist. 1) She sounded just like you in her recent fics that we had to double take the byline. 2) a very prolific fic author.

(I apologize for doing this in anon, I’m a coward, but plagiarism is a festering issue that needs cauterising). 3) She openly expressed admiration for you and citing you as inspiration. 4) She is young but old enough to know better. 5) She’s not used to write and sound like you. 6) But now that she has stolen your voice, style and syntax, she seemed to be unapologetically milking it for all the notes. 7) It is especially blatant when you read a certain fic about a certain lord puppy bestfriend.

Bless you, friend. I’m the coward. I’ve since discovered that I might be one of the few, and that there are many people here, amazing and kind, supportive and just, badass and so bright, who are irrefutably not cowards and never will be– including you. It’s a lesson I never expected to learn on the Internet with so much humility. 

Yet here we are.

So, Vinegary Anon: bingo. To all of it. 

anonymous asked:

Hello! I love your writing! Even the fics in fandoms or about pairings that I'm not usually into! It just makes me want to go and write and try to reach your standard :) I was wondering, would you ever do maybe an FMA/HP crossover ? Or FMA/YOI crossover ?? Or a crossover in general? They're pretty hard to do I think. But you'd ace it, because I'm sure if you did, it would be the best darn crossover and I'd love you

thank you that’s so sweet to say!!!!

okay so here’s the thing: i don’t LOVE crossovers usually, it takes a certain something to get me invested, and i one hundred percent don’t have a full fic in me. but –

edward elric, the cleverest wizard of his age. edward elric, who is just as extraordinary in this as he is everything else. he’s a hufflepuff, of course he is, you’d think he’d be a ravenclaw except literally the only thing more important to him than knowledge is loyalty and fairness  and what’s right. so.

he’s quiet and even surrounded by people he seems alone and there’s more than one slytherin vying for his attention, desperate to claim some of that shining talent for their own. but he rebukes them all, has no patience for stupidity or being used or political games. he’s the son of a muggle and a long absent wizard, and his brother – his brother is a squib.

edward hates hogwarts, hates the time he’s forced to spend away from his family. he has a single friend, winry, a fast talking ravenclaw, and she’s the only one who can pull genuine smiles from him.

his house doesn’t dislike him, but they know he likes to be left alone and they respect that. he gets them more points with perfect spells and perfect essays than any other student, so they like him and he’s never mean or rude, just quiet, so they all have a general sense of goodwill towards him but aren’t really friends. except alex armstrong who bursts into tears whenever he seems him, because armstrong is the hufflepuff quidditch captain and ed refuses to be the team’s seeker, or anything at all, even though anyone who’s seen him on a broom knows he’s just as capable and talented at it as anything else.

and lets talk about ed’s talent. ed who midway through first year got bored and started doing spells wordlessly. then wandlessly. who spends every waking moment in the library studying who the hell knows what because it’s certainly not classwork. he does all his spells without a wand or word now, no one has seen him even touch a wand since his second year. and it’s fear and awe that mark him too, because even dumbledore keeps track of his wand, uses it if he doesn’t have to, but ed doesn’t bother. he got straight Os in all his owls and he never pays attention in class but can answer any question or perform any spell asked of him so it’s not like the teachers can do anything with that.

then there’s slytherin seventh year roy okay, and his merry band of people – slytherin maes, gryffindor riza, gryffindor havoc, falman and fuery in raveclaw, breda in hufflepuff. and he’s fascinated by ed, they all are, who wouldn’t be? roy’s the quidditch captain for the slytherin team and hast to listen to armstrong cry at least once a week about ed’s wasted potential.

then the triwizard tournament happens. whole schools are submitted, and the best is chosen from each. everyone expects it to be roy – handsome, popular, powerful, with a special studies in fire spells.

roy knows better. he doesn’t say anything but he’s not surprised at all when edward elric’s name pops out of the goblet. the hufflepuffs are going crazy, and roy makes sure to cheer just as loudly with them.

the other two champions are rose, a quiet girl with a friendly smile, and ling, a not-quiet boy who already spends all his free time attempting to irritate ed into being friends with him, and this isn’t going to help at all.

so the first task happens. the dragons. ling uses a freezing spell to slow the beast down and gets a broken arm and a gash down his side for his trouble, but gets the egg. rose conjured a flock of birds to distract it and went for an egg, but the dragon used a puff of fire to kill the birds and burn half of rose’s body in a singe breath. but she gets the egg.

then it’s ed’s turn. he stands there, staring. does nothing. he takes a step forward. waits. takes another. waits. takes another, and the dragon rears up against him, so he takes a step back. she quiets back down, and he waits, and takes another step forward. that’s what he does. for hours. people have literally fallen asleep in their seats by the time ed has worked his way to the dragon’s nest, being watched carefully but not attacked, being trusted, and picks up the golden egg. the dragon’s nostrils flare and ed holds it up for her inspection, and she realize it’s not her egg at all, and settles back down, and ed backs up and away.

and that’s how ed gets the dragon egg with not a single bit of a magic and without a scratch on him.

roy wonders why ed is even bothering to compete, because he doesn’t seem that invested in it. the other champions are seen studying and practicing, are found with their professors colluding and working. ed continues on as if nothing has happened.

then the second task takes place. ed shows up late but he shows up furious, and roy wonders who it was that they took, because he can see winry sitting anxiously in the stands below him. ed reaches into his sleeve and takes out his wand and roy goes rigid in his seat and maes lets out a curse besides him. ed hasn’t used his wand in four years, hasn’t needed to, and if he’s using it now –

he says a spell they can’t hear and makes large encompassing swish – and then the entire great lake is lifted into the air.

the lakebed is dry and edward suspends the massive ball of water and merpeople and giant squid likes it’s nothing, is holding aloft something bigger than the hogwarts castle, and ed uses his other hand to point and direct, is doing two spells simultaneously, and roy didn’t even know that was possible. a hole opens up in the lake and a mer-person drops out, screaming. then another. then another. the screams are so high and so awful that roy is certain he’s going to have nightmares about it.

“give him back,” he says, voice clear and rippling with banked fury. “give him back

and a merperson swims to the edge, holding out a sleeping boy that looks remarkable like edward. ed lets the lake drop back to earth with a thunderous wave that soaks the judges. the boy comes gasping awake, still suspended in the air, and ed levitates him gently to the ground. the other champions are still in the lake.  the boy clings to ed, wet and shivering, and ed presses a kiss to his forehead and glares at the judges table. they give him a perfect score, shaken by what they’d seen as much as the students, and they march away.

later, roy and company worm their way into a conversation in the library, where ed sits with his brother going through a book in a language roy doesn’t recognize. “so,” he says awkwardly, now with two sets of scarily intelligent eyes fastened on him, “that was an impressive spell.”

ed snorts and rolls his eyes. “spells,” he scoffs, “great big waste of time if you ask me. wave a stick and say some words and you too can do the same damn spell as thousands before you. pathetic.”

“oh,” maes says, taken aback and wide eyed, “that’s uh,” he looks to alphonse, grimaces, and goes, “okay.”

“he’s not saying that because I’m a squib,” al says, “he’s just a nerd who like things that can be quantified and explained. magic isn’t really his thing.”

roy stares. the most powerful wizard he’s ever seen, and magic isn’t his thing.

“fuck flamel,” he snarls, “if he didn’t insist i get my newts before taking me on as an apprentice – he didn’t make you wait to begin learning!”

“but i cant do magic,” al says reasonably, “besides, i’m learning from his daughter now. we’ll learn from him together when you graduate.”

ed wrinkles his nose, “better hogwarts than izumi. i guess.”

“nicholas flamel?” falman breaks in, “you want to learn alchemy?”

“we want to master alchemy,” ed corrects, “the basics are easy enough, but flamel made a philospher’s stone. do you have any idea the level of mastery that takes?”

“we don’t really want to live forever,” al frowns, “but it is the ultimate test. we won’t rest until we make one.”

they all stare. “alphonse,” havoc says hesitantly, “are you – can you –“

he blinks, “of course. i may not be able to do it without circles like brother and flamel, but i’m not inept. that’s why i’m learning from izumi – she’s a squib and has to use circles too.”

“circles,” maes repeats, completely lost, “what?”

al sighs and takes out a piece of chalk, “like this,” and sketches out an array on the table. he grabs a notebook and puts it in the center, and with a crackle of energy its transformed into a bouquet of live flowers.

“nice trick of pulling water from the air,” ed says.

they’re all flabbergasted. “transfiguration?” maes asks.

“yeah sure,” ed rolls his eyes, “the same way cutting out a snowflake from a piece of paper is like origami.”

they keep staring. ed stares back. it’s the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

ed doesn’t win the tournament because he lets ling win for reason he refuses to explain, will only say that it was more important to him.

roy pesters and irritates ed until he agrees to teach him alchemy, and even grudgingly says roy has a knack for it. so he sets it up that when al and ed are studying with flamel roy is studying with his daughter, and he goes to ed and al whenever he gets confused because they’re at least less scary than izumi.

ed and al create the philosopher’s stone, and promptly destroy it. roy becomes a master of fire alchemy. they all live happily ever after.

14 lines from love letters or suicide notes
1. Don’t freak out.
2. We both know this has been coming for a long time.
3. I’ve been staying awake at night wondering if I should tell you.
4. I bought the kind of crackers you can eat, they are in the hall cupboard.
5. Now that we have watched all the episodes of True Blood, I do not know what else to do next.
6. I always imagined this would happen without warning, like suddenly on an ocean cliffside. But this is the kind of thing where waiting for the time to be right, would just mean waiting forever.
7. I’ve just been too afraid for too long.
8. I came home on Tuesday, and found all of the chairs that I own, stacked in a tower in the centre of my kitchen. I don’t know how long they have been like that, but it can only be me that did it. It’s the kind of thing a ghost might do to prove to the living that he is still there. I am haunting my own apartment.
9. My grandmother was still alive when I was five years old and she asked me to check and see if the iron was hot enough yet, so I pressed my hand against it, and it was red, and screaming for hours. 25 years later, she would still sometimes apologise, in the middle of conversations, “I feel so bad about making you touch the iron”, she’d say, as though it had just happened. I cannot imagine how we forgive ourselves for all the things we didn’t say until it was too late. But how else do you tell if something is hot, but to touch it?
10. I keep imagining my furniture in your apartment.
11. I wonder how many likes this will get on Facebook?
12. My dad always used to tell the same joke, but I can’t remember the punchline.
13. I was eight years old and it took three weeks -  three eight year old weeks imagine - to gather everything I would need to become batman - rope, boomerangs, a Mardi Gras mask with the beads cut off. I couldn’t find a cave near my house, so I buried them all in a bundle under the ivy. For years after, I tried to find that spot again. The Ivy grew too fast. I searched in so many spots, it seemed impossible that I had missed one, but I never found it. How can something be there, and then not be there? How do we forgive ourselves for all the things we did not become?
14. I never had the courage to buy bright green sheets. I wanted them, but thought they were too brash, even with no one but me to see them. I bought a set yesterday and put them on the bed. I knew that you would like them.
—  Doc Luben