and now im crying

i started watching football not knowing how emotional it’s going to be in the long run

i’ve cried at knock out rounds, derbies, quarter finals, semi finals, finals, and last night i cried at an international friendly

i cry when my team loses an important match, but i cry harder when they win

i cry when my favorite players retire and hang up their boots

i get emotional thinking that in a few years, the players i grew up watching and admiring will do the same soon

football is such a beautiful sport and before i started watching it, i honestly never realized what an emotional ride it will take you on

however, i am thankful that i got into it and i feel sorry for who doesn’t watch it because they’re truly missing out

tw suicide/ trans stuff

guys I literally cannot think about anything but transition stuff now I’m so hype and distracted I just want the days to go by super fast until I can get hold of the prescription but I also feel like I’m bothering everyone when I talk about it because I’m just so excited and emotional. It’s like I can’t genuinely express how much this means to me… I feel like it’s going to be the start of a better life for me and there’s going to be so much positivity along the way. I really just want to embrace and enjoy the whole process. I’ve had such damn awful times the past few years. My lowest point was after my suicide attempt and being put in the female ward at the hospital and being chided by the nurses for doing such a thing. All night I was still wishing the overdose would end my pain and I wouldn’t have to live as a trans person with bpd. But now I’m surrounded by supportive partners, friends and family with my first day of t on the near horizon and I doubted I would even make it here?? I’ve struggled with so much depression and anxiety and suicidal thoughts and bpd episodes throughout the years that it was difficult for me to even see a future for myself where anything was different. But now living full time as a guy with great people in my life makes such a huge difference and it’s only going to get better. I’m going to be me??? I’m going to finally look like who I actually am?? I can’t wait for the future and damn I’m so happy I’m at a point in my life where I can say that truthfully and honestly.

……………im not feeling good already why do you have to make it worse………

…this chapter just confirmed my worst fear, at least for me….

..jinbe doesnt value his own life as much as he should, im sure he’d have agreed with that wheel thingy if it was only going to affect him

….im sure he’ll sacrifice himself for luffy

Something different that occurred this episode was that, in episode 10, we have Victor as the narrator, instead of Yuuri. He introduces himself the way Yuuri introduced himself in the first few episodes, which solidifies the perspective of the narrator for the corresponding episode. Some important things to note is that he speaks in past tense just like Yuuri does when he narrates, and breaks the fourth wall with the line


「さて、話は戻って、、、」

(sate, hanashi wa modotte…)

“Now then, back to the story…”


Both of these facts heavily imply that Victor is recalling and retelling his and Yuuri’s story of how they met to someone, whether it be us, the audience, or a niece or nephew in the future. Whenever we get a narration line from either Yuuri or Victor in any of the episodes, it’s said in a very wistful and playful tone, which is further evidence pointing towards how they’re remembering the beginning of their love story, as both wistful and playful tones can both be related back to nostalgia.

What does that mean?

I hear you ask. Well it means that long, long after the plot of Yuri!!! On Ice ends, Victor and Yuuri are still happily together. It means that both Yuuri and Victor are willing to accept the other with all their faults, and that they’ve worked hard to build something stable and long-lasting together.

You know what else is just great from this episode? The fact that we can see that Victor is improving the way in which he supports Yuuri.

Back during the China Tournament, we witnessed the game changing parking lot scene, where Yuuri cried his eyes out, and, pushed to the brink, where he shouted at Victor the following


「僕が勝つって僕より信じてよ。黙ってていいから、離れずにそばにいてよ!」

(boku ga katsutte boku yori shinjite yo. Damattete ii kara, hanarezu ni soba ni ite yo)

“Have more faith in me, believe that I will win. It’s okay to not say anything, so just stay by my side!”


What Yuuri asks of Victor during the carpark scene is actually subtly reflected in episode 10, when they’re both walking through the Christmas stalls. During this scene, Victor’s narration goes


「ゆうりが答えを探してる時、黙ってても目がキラキラと輝いてる。 --- 話しかけずにそっとようそうによう。」

(yuuri ga kotae wo sagashiteru toki, damattetemo me ga kirakira to kagayaiteru. — hanashikakezuni sotto yousou niyou)

“When Yuuri searches for an answer, even without talking, his eyes sparkle and glitter. — I’ll just quietly stay near without talking.”


No questions asked, Victor just accepts that Yuuri is looking for something, in other words, he’s believing in him, and quietly accompanies him throughout his search, while appreciating how his eyes light up. The use of the verb 「黙る」(damaru) “to shut up” in both of these dialogues further relates the two scenes. He’s learning how to support Yuuri because of the advice Yuuri gave him previously, and is proving to us that he is getting better at it.

Interestingly enough, Victor’s thoughts here actually mirror the lyrics to the ending song somewhat, especially the lyrics


「輝きながら君が教えてくれた」

(kagayakinagara kimi ga oshietekureta)

“You shine radiantly as you taught me/showed me (the way)”


Which, in this context, would have the “shine radiantly” describe Yuuri’s eyes as they shine and glitter, and the ‘teaching’ section refer to how Yuuri’s outburst in the carpark actually helped Victor in his Yuuri coaching endeavours, how Yuuri taught him how to support him passively. (I actually did a whole general analysis of the ending song here, so go check it out if you like procrastinating and crying over anime ending songs)


There are just so many things in this episode that point towards Yuuri and Victor’s healthy, balanced relationship, how they’re both working and compromising for each other, and how this relationship will last long into the future after the events of Yuri!!! on Ice. And it is honestly the most wonderfully delicate, detailed, and natural piece of storytelling I’ve ever witnessed in anime.

I kinda just want them to go on roadtrips and be happy together

youtube

Time To Dance Live - 2006 vs 2016 

im crying who did this 

yuri is selfish. it’s how he’s been able to get this far, by putting himself first when no one else would. so when he can no longer take the heavy ache in his chest, the dull and constant need for more than gentle touches and soft reassurances, yuri cuts otabek out. 

skype requests get rejected, text messages ignored, & it takes all of yuri’s willpower not to let otabek’s warm voice filter into the quietness of his room after the fourteenth missed call that night. yuri needs to let go, needs to purge from his body the longing that he knows goes unanswered. 

and then, it all stops. yuri notes with bitterness that this is the part that hurts the most. the part where they become strangers again, where otabek walks past him at worlds without sparing a second glance, the part where yuri realizes that despite everything he is still stupidly in love with someone he cannot have. 

how do i let kdin know i love and appreciate her