and now i regret it on so many levels

issues and ...

problems (?).

i wanted to explain, at least for the few people whose showed a little curiosity about my whereabouts or absence.

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“In my first play through of Skyrim, I didn’t really care about the actual role-playing aspect of the game and just wanted to get as much cool stuff and level up as much as possible. Now, at level 75, I have so many regrets with the game that I’ll never be able to undo, such as killing Odaahving without realizing how much I disliked the blades, being a Stormcloak even though I despise Ulfric, killing Cicero in the DBH questline instead of saving him, and marrying Farkas of the companions. I know I can always start a new character, but I put so much time and effort into my first character and now I wish that I had role played more.“

- Image credit: [x]

anonymous asked:

Chris I'm so mad at myself for not doing sports in high school. I almost joined cross country & track as a freshman but decided not to. Now I'm in college and really wish I had that sports background and the relationships that so many people in my schools track team built with each other. And now I'm not a very good runner. I don't know, I can't change anything but I feel like I really missed out on a great opportunity. I don't usually regret things but this is the one thing I really regret :(

Hi babe!!! It is not too late to join a club or intramural team at all!! Literally there are SO many running groups and clubs that exist for all levels and ages and all kinds of runners/athletes!!!! I would definitely look into the clubs and teams and groups that are around your area and join one for sure :) 

IMAGINE Jungkook inviting you to hang out with his friends and as the day passes he regrets introducing you guys, since you and and his bff taehyung are now closer than he is with you.

“ Kim Tae is so cute and squishy! I relate to him on so many levels! I swear ,what did I do with my life before meeting him?!! ”

“You were head over heels for me , before meeting him!”, he pouts “ What has he done to you?! This was your first meeting, for goddess sake!”

“ Is that a jealous kookie that I’m seing, right now?!”

“ Don’t talk to me, I’m not in the mood”

“ But tae is just like a sibling to me! Why are you getting jealous over a guy that I consider as blood afiliated to me?!”


“ You’re my kookie dough ”, you pulled on his cheek

“ W-What ?!!!!!!!!”, he said in disbelief

“ You know I love kookie dough more than anything else in this world ”

“ You only like me because my name is food related and YOU LIKE FOOD" , he scowls at you

You chuckled as you thought that Jungkook was such a precious guy




It’s almost funny that Castiel is relieved to hear that term. It accurately sums up everything he’s been thinking and feeling, all the jibes he’s endured, all the silence he’s weathered, all into one simple, concise word: expendable.

The word bounces around his mind, even now, with Lucifer taking up space in his vessel. Cas throws the word like a weapon, using it to cut off any of Lucifer’s mockery. Expendable. Expendable. Expendable. Until even his brother, the epitome of fallen, is shocked at just how broken his little brother has become.

It’s this word that gives Castiel power to resurface during a particularly bad fight between Dean and Lucifer. Cas doesn’t know the details, he’s retreated so far into his psyche these days, but something Dean says yanks Castiel out like he’s a hooked fish on a line.

“I don’t care that you’re broken, Cas!”

And suddenly Cas can feel himself seizing control. Feeling his fingers twitch of their own accord, feeling his eyes blink as they stared into Dean’s, and most importantly, feeling his mouth open to a shout.

“That’s because you don’t care at all!”

Ironic, really, that the thing that drives Cas to take control isn’t something fluffy like love or hope or faith. It’s hurt. All the hurt that’s been bottled up and tucked away, blowing out of him now like a geyser.

“You don’t care that I’m broken because I’m expendable.”

And with that, Cas drops Dean. He considers withdrawing back into his vessel now. It’s a cowardly move, but Cas doesn’t want to hear what Dean’s reply is. As much as he knows it’s true, Cas isn’t sure he can bear hearing Dean agree that he’s expendable.

But something holds him back.

It’s a look in Dean’s eyes that Castiel has never seen before. A sadness, mixed with regret and…something else Cas struggles to define. Dimly, Cas is aware of Lucifer fighting to regain control, but he remains frozen, in rapt attention of Dean.

“You’re…not…” Dean’s voice is husky, raw. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and tries again. “You’re not expendable.”

Cas should feel bad for him, he does feel bad for him, bruised and aching on the floor, but he simply scoffs. “My grace won’t last forever, Dean.”

“I don’t care about your grace, dumbass. I care about you.”

Cas eyes Dean warily, crouching to a squat so he’s closer to eye level. He wants to believe Dean, with his gruff tone, but there are so many things that seem to refute Dean’s statement.

“Why?” Cas asks, head tilting.

“Because…” Dean looks thoughtful, eyes still full of that worry/regret/?? mixture, “You’re kind.”

Kind? Dean has never seemed to be the sort of person to value that quality. Or even notice. Lucifer claws at Castiel’s grace, but Cas forces him back down, now intrigued by Dean’s statement.

“And you’re brave,” Dean continues, “You, uh, you make me want to be brave.”

“But–” Cas tries to argue. Dean simply cuts him off.

“You’re smart, too. Clever. I never told you, but that angel banishing sigil you carved on your chest? Badass,” Dean’s voice has taken on a more desperate tone now, the words coming out faster and faster, “You’re a skilled fighter, but you’re gentle too. I dunno how. You’re amazed by the world, by so many little things and it’s the sort of thing that makes me smile when I think about it. I say I don’t care that you’re broken, but the truth is, you’ve never been broken. Not to me.”

Lucifer’s trying harder now, Cas’ face contorting in pain as he tries to keep him down. Dean grips Cas’ wrist.

“Listen,” Dean says quietly, “I don’t know if I have much time. And I know I should have said this years ago, but…” he huffs a laugh, “None of those excuses matter now. I was stupid. Point is, Cas…I love you. All of you. All the things I made fun of, all the things I secretly admired, all of you. Grace or no grace. I love you.”

Unconsciously, Cas grips Dean’s wrist, the two of them holding onto each other as Dean begins to break the one word that’s been building power in Cas’ psyche for so long.

“But, I’m…” Cas starts.

“Not expendable. Never expendable.”

Cas’ eyes soften. “He’s coming back…”

“I’d rather have you.”

It’s the final blow, the word “expendable” shattering in Cas’ mind and with it, any sway Lucifer held over Castiel. Cas’ head jerked back and he cried out as Lucifer was forcibly ejected from his vessel at last.

The effort sends Cas to the floor, slumped against Dean. “Did you mean what you said?”

Dean pulls Cas in close, wrapping his arms around the angel. “Every word.”

Cas pauses for a moment. “Would you say it tomorrow?”

“I’ll say it every day you need it.”

“Tell me you love me?”

Cas looks up into Dean’s eyes and for the first time, is finally able to identify the third emotion held within. Pure, unadulterated love.

“I love you, Castiel.”

And for the first time in a very, very long time, Castiel felt something other than expendable. He felt special. No, it was more than that. 

He felt loved.

Starting with a Reactor

Hello! Thank you all who read my other story! It put a grin on my face and inspired this story. Feedback and (polite) opinions always welcomed :D

*This is more pre-relationship and will probably have a sequel :)*

“You lied to me” Sparklez said in a cold voice as he looked towards his supposed ‘friend’. Tom stood in front of him, a red tinge appearing on his face as he crossed his arms.

“I had to Sparklez! Tucker wouldn’t have let me in if I didn’t-”

“Didn’t what? Blow up my reactor? Destroy the only thing I actually can call my own?” Snarled Jordan as he turned on his heel away from the finely dressed man. Hands in his hair he didn’t even bother turning around to face him “Then you go and tell me that a creeper did it?! Jesus Christ Tom I knew you were childish, but I didn’t know it was this bad.”

Tom’s remorseful look swiftly changed into a angry one as his hurt pride took over.

“Well at least I didn’t have to steal my idea from someone else!” He had barely finished his sentence when a sudden weight threw him into the side of Jordan’s wall and held him there as the very man himself bared his teeth and snapped at him.

“Shut the hell up Thomas. One more word and I’ll…”

Tom couldn’t resist having the last word though.

“Or you’ll what? Set fire to my tree?”

That was the final straw for Sparklez. Growling, he turned him around and grabbed the back of his suit jacket as he flew up in the air, his wings carrying Tom out of his work shop and threw him as far away as he could. Landing in a heap, Tom’s spinning head barely caught Jordan’s last words.

“If I see you anywhere near here again Thomas Cassell, I’ll kill you.”


And that was the last Tom heard of him for the next two weeks. Even on missions to crypts in search of Dianite’s body, Jordan spoke to no one and kept as far away from Tom as psychically possible. At first everyone just brushed it off as anger for the destroyed reactor. Anyone would be mad about having to fix that mess.

But as the weeks crept by, people started to worry. Jordan hadn’t been seen in a few days and no one had heard even a whisper from him. Sonja had attempted to speak to him, yet all she got was radio silence. Waglington invited him over to try out new spells, Martha had asked if he would like to visit the Ianita’s, Tucker had sent a message saying that he wanted to show something new he had found with blood magic. Hell, even Mot and Spirit Dianite proposed a tour of Urlulu and Katsir. Nothing had been able to pull Jordan away from his land of machines.

Finally at his wits end, Tom decided it was time to pay Jordan a visit. Knowing that this could end horribly wrong, Tom start the long walk with many thoughts on how this next meeting would go. He flinched at his words he had carelessly spat at his friend, sighing at the 'friend’ part. He had always been attracted to the burnet, from the moment he showed up in the World of Mianite.

Yet, Tom didn’t even know if being friends with the man was even possible anymore, let alone something more. Lost in those thoughts, Tom didn’t even notice how close he was to reactor area until he just about ran into the walls.

Staring at those gray walls, Tom had a moment of complete panic wash over him. Jordan had threatened to kill him if he even came close to this area and yet here he was, standing like an idiot with a face full of wall. Tom was just thinking of turning around and just waiting the man out until he showed back up near the town, when the man in question flew out in front of him. Standing between Tom and his wall, Jordan face held no expression as he held The Price of Betrayal in one hand.

“I’m giving up five seconds to explain why you’re here before I hurt you. One. Two-”

“I’m sorry!” Blurted Tom as Jordan’s count down began. Jordan only pursed his lips and raised an eyebrow at his words, clearly waiting for more. Tom swallowed, “I was a complete ass to blow up your reactor and I shouldn’t have lied about it. I was wrong and stupid and childish-”

“Get to the point.” Jordan cut in, holstering his sword. Crossing his arms, he leaned against the wall as he watched Tom flounder for words.

“Please come back. No one can stand you being gone anymore. It’s not the same without you there. Everyone misses you.” Tom took a breath and mumbled the next words, yet the captain still managed to catch them.

“I miss you”

Jordan’s gazed softened slightly and he sighed heavily, pushing off the stone wall to look Tom in the eyes.

“What you did was stupid, childish, wrong on so many levels. You are a complete idiot, among other things. I actually shouldn’t even begin to forgive you yet.” He stopped speaking when he saw Tom’s face fall, his eyes filled with regret and sorrow. “But I do. You are forgiven, for now. If you ever do anything like this again, I will not hesitate to never speak to you again- OOF!” He was barreled backward as Tom engulfed him in a hug, a mantra of thank you’s the only thing coming out of his mouth. Laughing Jordan hugged back, until Tom let go of him, a cheeky smile on his face.

“So how is your precious reactor doing?”

Jordan smiled back and grabbed Tom’s hand, interlinking their fingers as he dragged him over to the wall.

“Come see for yourself.”

Tom followed, a blush coming across his face as he laughed. Too caught up in his relief over having Jordan back, Tom never did catch Jordan’s own blush as he glanced down at their hands, a grin on his face.


1. Let go of anger. It is much easier to forgive and forget than you think. Holding on to grudges doesn’t help anyone. 2. Stop focusing on who you are not or what will happen in the future. Live in the moment and learn to love your life right now! If you live every year waiting on the next, I guarantee you will regret it when you realize that living like that will never truly satisfy you. 3. Realize that there are literally no rules. Somehow we have grown accustomed to listening to imaginary societal standards for so many different things, but NONE of them matter. There is NO specific thing (career, relationship, children, level of confidence, etc.) you should or shouldn’t have at a certain age. Stating your opinion (whether it is the same as those around you or not) will NEVER be a bad thing. And so on.. 4. Smile more. At strangers, at your family, at yourself in the mirror. Just smile :) 5. LIE TO YOURSELF. I know it’s hard, but replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones can change your whole day. Saying “it’s okay, this is only temporary” or “I know I can get through this” or “he doesn’t deserve me” or “I’m a fricking awesome person”, even if you don’t believe it, can make your day 100x better. If you spout off positive words that you may not believe in, you will eventually start to realize that they are true :) it is so much easier to reject negative thoughts than you think.

Used to Be Mine

Summary: Loosely based on the song She Used to be Mine by Sara Bareilles. Dean comes home drunk and confesses feelings about his life to the reader he buries deep 

Characters: Dean Winchester X Reader

Warnings: Language

Content: Angst

Word Count: 1427

Originally posted by acklesjensen

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FIC: Prison Grove

Summary: Loki crosses another line. Thor does not react as expected. 

Warnings: Nothing really comes to my mind. 

A/N: This fic was written for @claricechiarasorcha. She wanted a fic in which Loki believes that Thor loves him, even if only once. I am not entirely certain she had something like this in mind, but this is what my mind decided needed to be written. Also, I have taken liberties with Asgardian architecture, workings of magic, and probably a dozen other things while writing this fic.

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Yes, I do still feel that 90% of my technical skill has been developed outside of my time at MICA. But I think the rest of those answers almost all depend on the individual and how each person approaches it.

My main reasons for continuing college are that I think it’s valuable for my growth as a person, and it’s helped me broaden my idea range and goals for what I could do with my work. I was very into the self-teaching/concept art forum kind of mindset in high school, and I’d say I’m personally much better suited to that method. My technical/fundamental skills would be further along if I had kept self-teaching instead of coming to MICA. But I think it’s been healthy for me at this time to broaden my perception of where I could go with my work, and to spend some time thinking about whether having the best technical skills should really be my end goal. I guess the biggest difficulty imo for a less-developed student would be that just passively following MICA’s program is a slow way to develop your technical skills, (and it’s easier not to be passive with your studies when you’re teaching yourself,) but that’s just from my perspective as someone who’s always been really excited about self teaching. If part of the reason you’re less developed is that you don’t have the motivation/work ethic to study and make art consistently on your own time, then maybe college is the fastest way for you to improve.

Because I worked as hard as I could before beginning college in order to have the skills to get a good scholarship, and I’m able to do freelance work during the summer/holidays, college is an option for me without being too astronomically unaffordable. If I hadn’t been at that skill level and then received a lower scholarship amount, I would have taken a gap year to work on my portfolio so that college could be financially possible.

There’s an incredible amount of options for art education right now! I want to develop my skills through as many different ways as possible, whether that’s by online classes, self-teaching, atelier programs, internships, or college. I’m still not completely sure that I’m doing the right thing by continuing my education here, but I would regret missing this opportunity. If college is an option for you it’s worth trying out, you can always do other things after.

You have GOT to be kidding me

So this episode of Vampire Diaries has literally screwed me over. 

Elena: No! You can’t be gone! You annoy the hell out of me sometimes, but you and Damon have to be together! You make him happy!

Damon: My baby. My poor baby. He completely put his heart out there. He makes mistakes yes, but he wanted so much to be a good person. He realized that Elena made him want to be a good person, and he needs her. He loves her. Now his heart has been completely ripped out, and he’s back to being bad. Great.

Stefan: I actually liked him a lot this episode. I was really proud of him for not being judgy with Caroline. He was a good friend and I respected him for that.

Caroline: STOP. You really need to stop feeling bad. Especially about hurting Tyler because he’s hurt you so many damn times. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and just do what you want without regrets already.

Katharine: I’m not even going there. My level of irritation is too high. Yes a like your snappy comebacks but you just need to go already.

Nadia: I hate you.

Enzo: You’re a bad influence, but a sexy bastard.

Tyler: Someone hand the baby some tissue

Matt: And by someone I mean you mr. shoulder to cry on.

Piercing words, eyes are red. “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU!” You scream, throwing everything at arm’s reach at your blonde-haired boyfriend, Luke. “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’D DO THIS!”
“WHAT ELSE DID YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?” He cried out in frustration, dodging a lamp and running a hand through his hair. “YOU WEREN’T THERE. I WAS LONELY FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!” You fell to the floor, raking a hand down your face as he tries to flee the room. Your cries were guttural, your eyes red as he walked past you to throw some things in a bag. “I’m leaving for a while.” He declared quietly. “I’ll be in touch.” You shook your head, chuckling bitterly.
“Why bother? You obviously weren’t concerned about ‘being in touch’ when you were on tour.”
“How many times am I going to have to say I’m sorry?” He demanded, spinning to face you, his face looked torn apart, his eyes red from crying or drinking - possibly both.
“I’m thinking a few more times, because obviously however many you’ve said it now isn’t enough.” You said sarcastically, pulling yourself from the floor to face him, he still had over a head on you, but you were slightly more level with him.
“I’m just going to leave then.” He scowled, gently moving you out of the way so he can get out of the house. “Before we say any more things we regret and this relationship becomes even more unfixable than it is now.”
“Why? It’s already broken far beyond repair.” You shook your head, trying to stand in his way and continue the argument but he’s not having any of it. You followed him to the door, leaning on the doorframe as he walked to his car. “Friend’s don’t let friends drive drunk!” You called out to his retreating figure, watching in fascination as the raindrops battered the floor around him, watching as the rain did the same to his hair as he’d done to your relationship when it caught onto his perfectly styled blonde quiff dragging it down, turning it a light brownish colour.
“It’s a good job we’re not friends then, isn’t it?” He called back, climbing into his car. You stared as he drove away as quickly as possible. Watched your taillights in the rain. You cried out, loudly, dragging your hands through your hair as he turned the corner of the street, desperately hoping for him to come back. You’d blamed him for everything. But you know it wasn’t all his fault. I know we were both to blame.

How did it all come to this? I’m going through the motions again and again in my head, as well as the argument. I’m such a liar. It wasn’t her fault at all. It was me. It’s always me. I’m a fuck up. I was thinking of her constantly, but I just couldn’t bring myself to push the other girl off. I was thinking about y/n the whole time. It’s not my fault Of course it’s my fault, I did it, didn’t I? It’s no excuse. Her face was flashing through my mind constantly, I could just see the tears streaming down her cheeks, the horrible cries escaping her mouth, the shakes echoing through her body. Because of me. But I wish, that I’d never made you cry. I dial Ashton’s number.

Y/N (2 weeks later):
And I’m not sorry that it’s over. You know it’s probably what’s right and best for the both of you. But for the way we let it end. You want him to come back so you can say you’re sorry. You haven’t seen or heart from him or the boys since that night.
Your phone is ringing, you think maybe it’s Luke phoning you back. You’ve tried to phone him so much in the past few weeks that you think it’s only right he rings you back. It’s not. It’s Calum.
“You need to get down here.” His voice is desperate, panicked, you can’t help thinking the worst.
“Where are you?” But you already know.
“Memorial Hospital. Get down here quickly.” You put down the phone and hastily get ready, jumping in your car and driving as quickly as you can to get there, breaking every speed limit on the way. Empty heart filled with regret.
You run into the hospital, chanting Luke’s name at the receptionist, because who else would it be? She gives you a dull reiteration of his name and then his room, where you race and see the boys standing outside, as well as Liz, Ben and Jack, who are emerging from the room. “What’s happened?” You pant, hands on your knees.
“Alive.” Liz replies shortly. “Barely. He’s been here for the past 2 weeks. Y/N, what happened between the two of you?”
“H-he cheated on me. We argued, he walked out. Why didn’t you tell me what had happened?”
“He was on the phone to me at the time.” Ashton admits. “He wanted advice on how to get you back. I told the other’s not to phone you, I’m sorry. I didn’t think it’d be fair to you. Thinking it was all your fault all of this time. I figured you’d be in enough of a bad state.”
“When did it happen?” They all exchange glances. “When?” You demand. “Oh My God, it was that night, wasn’t it? He’d been drinking. I knew he’d been drinking! I tried to stop him! It was a weak effort, I should have tried harder!” You sob, Calum hugs you.
“It’s fine, y/n. It’s not your fault, love.” You cry into his chest.
“It is!”
“He cheated on you, y/n. Not the other way around.” Michael says harshly. “And when he gets better? I’m going to beat the shit out of him for you.” you shake your head and Ashton chuckles.
“He won’t really, I’ll stop him, mkay?” He shoots Mike a look and Michael shrugs.
“I’d like to see you try.”
“C-can I see him?” Liz nods wordlessly. You hear Jack and Ben mumbling.
“Can’t believe he’d do that to her.” Jack mutters.
“Really seemed to love the bird.” Ben shrugs. “Ah, well, they’ll sort themselves out.” You sit on the bed beside a sleeping Luke, gripping his hand.
“I’m sorry, Luke. I really am. It wasn’t all you. I’ve tried to explain that to-to-to myself, I guess. I’ve picked up the phone a thousand times, and tried to dial your number, but it’s been so long, it’s never easy. It’s only been two weeks, but it feels like so long.” His eyes are fluttering. You can’t do this. You run from the room, giving him one last sorrowful look.
“I-I can’t do it.” You burst out as you leave the room. “He’s waking up, I’ll be back tomorrow or something. I can’t do it today.” It’s like trying to spin the world the other way. What can I say? What can I say?
“I’ll drive you home,” Calum shrugs his coat on but you shake your head. “He’ll want to see you, Cal.” You run from the hospital, driving home and locking yourself in your room.
You don’t go and see him the next day.
Or the day after that.
Or the day after that.
I hate to think all you had of me, is a memory that I left you, the space between what was meant to be and the mess that it turned into.
What can I say? What can I say? What can I say?