My PS Plus apparently expired today so add that to the growing list of shit I got to do today lol. I have class, gotta go swim for at least an hour, do all my stupid German online homework, and now make a trip to the store at some point
“My light and inspiration, the muse in my soul manifests itself in your image. So long as we bask in the light of each other’s presence, we shall ne’er be lost to the stagnancy of despair. I will be your light, so long as you remain mine.” – Juvia & Gajeel
Something told me it was over (yeah) when I saw you and her talkin.
Somethin deep down in my soul said cry girl (cry girl)
When I saw you and that girl walkin around whoo ooh.
I would rather, I would rather go blind boy
Then to see you walk away from me now naw naw whoo ooh.
I took a deep breath as Beyoncé’s smooth voice filled up my ears after getting off the phone with Chris. As of right now, I’m sitting in my room doing Trig homework in my room trying to forget that my boyfriend is playing Captain Tend-To-A-Hoe. Is it wrong that I’m thinking about myself in this situation? Call me selfish and self-centered, but I don’t want to go down the road of hurt again. Being down that road the first time almost left me dead.
However, I do think about Chris and how this is crazy for him especially being a teenager. If this is his kid, he gotta man up and take responsibility for his actions. Chris told me the reason he was tending to Jasmine was that if it’s his, they can’t say he was an absent father, but if it’s not his, he did something nice for someone. I’m trying my hardest to not be the insecure girlfriend and be the supportive best friend, but I couldn’t shake this fear that he would just walk away from me with her.
Whether it’s his or not.
I grunted tossing my textbook. What’s wrong with you, Karrueche? Leave your petty feelings and problems alone and be there for him! I found myself dialing his number and waiting for him to answer.
“Hello?” He sighed causing my heart to drop but I shook it off.
“Hey. How’s Jasmine?” I questioned nervously.
“I don’t know. Her parents say it’s a bad time to come.”
“Oh. Well, I’ll just go.”
“Wait, Kae. Thank you for being there for me.” Chris stated resulting in me smiling a bit. “I mean a lot of girls would’ve ran but you stayed.”
“It’s ok, Chris.”
“You smart. You loyal. You grateful. I appreciate that.” He did a DJ Khaled impression causing me to giggle.
“Bye, baby. But hold up, your eye healing up right? Looks like it got worse.”
I touched my black eye and it was worse due to the beating Daniel gave me recently. Chris still doesn’t know and I really don’t want him to. He got enough to worry and Daniel is already gone. There’s no point.
“Yeah it’s healing, bae. I’ll be fine. As long as I don’t open anymore pickle jars.” I chuckled.
“Be careful. I don’t want my baby hurt.” He said in a baby voice.
“Bye Christopher.” I hung up the phone and went to the bathroom. I rolled up my sleeves to reveal the purple bruises that were scattered all over my arms. After staring for a while, I sighed deeply turning out the lights.
“Hey! Hey! Hey! It’s Am-Bay! Leave a message and I’ll get back to you ASAP!”
I groaned loudly almost tossing my iPhone as I hung up. This was the third time today I heard her voicemail. She was upset with me for something she thinks happened but it didn’t really happen and won’t let me explain. I sighed deeply thinking of Jackie and a bad flashback came.
“Trey, shut that game off! You’ve been playing all day!” Mom shouted from the kitchen.
I was too into the game I was playing on my xbox to even hear what she was telling me.
“Hold on! Just one more level, mama!”
“You said that 5 levels ago!”
“But I mean it this time!”
The doorbell rang and Mom scurried to the front door. She opened it and cooed immediately.
“Jackie!” Mom hugged a brownskin, hot woman at the door. She was so fine I had to pause my game to look at her. Damn she was sexy and older.
Mom waved me over. “Trey, come say hi to your Aunt Jackie!”
“Mama, she ain’t your sister!”
Mom smacked me upside the head as Jackie giggled. I made her laugh. Sweet.
“I know she ain’t! But she’s my friend and older than you so call her Aunt out of respect!”
“Trey, baby, you can call me Jackie.” She smiled widely kissing my cheek. I touched my cheek in awe. She likes me.
“Jackie, I got to go. Are you and Trey gonna be fine?”
I furrowed my eyebrows looking at Jackie. “You’re my babysitter? Mama, you don’t trust me?”
“No!” Mama snorted laughing. “Trey, you’re 13!”
Jackie’s eyes widened staring at me. “13? He certainly does not look 13.”
“Because I’m a man.” I stated proudly puffing up my chest.
Jackie giggled in response and Mom sent me to my room as she talked to Jackie. I turned on the TV and began watching when the door opened. I looked up to see Jackie closing the door behind her.
“I see the way you look at me, Trey.” She whispered smoothly as she sat down on my bed next to me.
I swallowed hard. “You do? Are you gonna tell my mama?”
She let out an airy laugh. “I won’t. I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine.”
I was confused. “Jackie, my back’s not itchy.”
“Trey, you’re so funny.” Jackie got serious. “Just relax and I’ll do all the work.” Her hands found the waistband of my navy basketball shorts, pulling them down.
That was the beginning of Jackie’s rape. She did that shit multiple times before she moved away due to work. I thought I was free and there was no point in telling my mom, so I didn’t. Now she’s back and I’m officially a man now, meaning she wants me even more. I’m stronger now so I refuse to let her get her way again and I refuse to tell anyone not even my friends.
I ain’t weak and I don’t want Amber to think that.
I tried my hardest to ignore the annoying buzzing noise coming from behind me. It wasn’t a siren or anything but it was my bitchass friends. Bragging about how fine their girls are, some about hitting a fine bitch every other week. I am the only single one who doesn’t go and throw my dick party. I was raised better than that.
“D, when are you gonna get your dick wet?” one of my niggas, Tevin, cackled patting my back. “Maybe you’ll stop being a bitch.”
My other friend, Aaron, spoke up. “Nigga, why you worried about who wets his dick? Nigga, you gay or something? You eat ass, or something?”
“Nigga, fuck up. I’m worried because my boy ain’t acting like a nigga. He acting like a bitch.”
I finally spoke up. “Look, I got a girl.”
They were all surprised. “Oooh shit. Who is it?”
I smiled widely slamming my locker closed. “Karrueche.”
Tevin’s eyes widened. “What? Isn’t that basketball playing nigga Chris’s girl? Blasian?”
I nodded and Aaron gasped in shock.
“You fucking with her?!”
“No! Kae ain’t like that. But I will be.” I smiled even more.
Tevin snickered. “I dare you. Try something with Chris’s girl. That nigga will fuck you up. Just know that we ain’t riding out.”
Speaking of the devil, the fine ass devil, Kae walked up to me dressed in blue jeans, red converses, and a Chicago Bulls hoodie.
“Hey Devante. How about I go over your house this time?” Kae asked with my boys right behind me. I knew she was talking about our tutoring sessions but I’m gonna seem like it’s something else for the dumbfounded niggas behind her.
“Sure. My place it is.” I wrapped my arms around her giving my friends a look. The more Chris fucks up, the closer I am to making Kae mine.
I felt my heart lurch as I approached my parents’ room. Heather, being the good sister she was, forced me to go tell them before she would. If you couldn’t tell, that sentence.
“You can’t hide this from them forever.” Her words were swimming around my head.
I wasn’t trying to hide it. I was trying to get rid of it. I needed parental consent for an abortion and now that I’m close to my third trimester, it’s too late. I’m a child myself. How the hell am I gonna take care of a child?
“Should’ve thought about that before you opened those legs.”
Shut up, Heather.
I knocked a little on the door to insure that I was interrupting anything. My heart was beating even faster. The closer I got, the harder it beeped. On the bright side, I don’t have to wear big t-shirts to hide my belly anymore.
“Come in.” My mom’s soft voice was heard beyond the door.
I swallowed hard. Here goes nothing.
I turned the glass doorknob to my parents’ master bedroom. My dad had his reading glasses and was in bed staring down his laptop. My mom was looking through her jewelry box because I’m assuming she’s going out like she always does. I twiddled my thumbs slowly walking up to their bed.
“Can I talk to you guys?
“Always, honey.” Mom smiled tightly as she pushed her diamond stud into her ear.
“What is it, Jazzy?” Dad took his rectangular glasses off his face closing his laptop. I sighed deeply. Oh boy.
“So there’s a reason why I’ve been so weird lately.” I started nervously.
Dad sighed putting his laptop into its case. “Get to the point. I hate when you beat around the bush.”
“Your father’s right.” Mom agreed closing the box.
I sighed looking at both of them. “I’m pregnant.”
Dad’s face turned stone cold as Mom’s mouth formed an O.
“Jasmine, tell me you’re lying.”
I stood up and lifted up my t-shirt to reveal my growing belly.
“Does this look like I’m lying?!”
Mom shrieked in shock and anger. “Jasmine Nicole Sanders! How dare you?! You are 17 years old!”
I felt tears rising from my eyes. “I didn’t mean for this to happen!”
“Jasmine, go to your room so we can discuss this.” Dad finally spoke, eerily calm.
I sighed. “Daddy-”
“Damn it, Jasmine! Go to your damn room! I’m fucking furious right now!” Dad roared with so much anger and disappointment evident on his face. I looked from Mom to Dad and decided to leave before shit got worse. I scurried to my room locking the door behind me and began to sob. I looked down at my belly and cursed.
Why’d you have to come?
There Mama sat in the kitchen paying the bills. Because I work, I help her out sometimes even though she insists she doesn’t need it. I know she does. With every step I took, I felt my heart pound harder. This is it. I’m finally gonna shatter my mom’s heart. Whatever reaction I get, I deserve it.
Mama looked up at me and smiled. “Hey baby.”
“Hey mama. We gotta talk.” I sat down pushing in the chair. Here we go. She removed her glasses.
“Is everything alright? Is something wrong with you and Karrueche?”
I shook my head. “No. Well kinda. You remember my ex, Jasmine?”
Mama gasped pushing herself away from the table. “Oh lord. Tell me you are not going back to her. Don’t get me wrong. I like Jasmine, but you need to make up your mind and stop playing with these girls!”
I scoffed. “Mama, that’s not the case. I still love Kae.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh ok. You didn’t cheat on her with Jasmine, did you?”
“Mama!” I shouted offended.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m just thinking worst case scenario so the news isn’t that bad. Unless you got Jasmine pregnant.” She began to laugh a little as if she doubt I would do something that stupid. I remained quiet and waited for the big ass gasp that didn’t delay to come.
“CHRISTOPHER MAURICE BROWN! YOU WHAT?!”
I sighed deeply. “Jasmine’s pregnant and it MIGHT be mine. She did have sex with August when we were together.”
“I’m not crazy about you having sex but Didn’t you protect yourself?!” she screeched.
“I did, Mama! All the time! I don’t know what happened. There’s a 50% chance it’s not mine.”
“But 50% chance it is.” Mama shook her head in disappointment walking away from me. I sighed deeply and figured I could go back to Jasmine’s house. I started my car and began down the road and started thinking. What if it is mine? How am I gonna be a father before I even graduate? How am I even gonna go to college? How is my life gonna be? How is Kae gonna stay with me?“
I was too deep in my thoughts, especially the last one to realize I already pulled up in front of Jasmine’s house. She was sitting on her porch steps, with the saddest look ever. I sighed removing my seatbelt and getting out.
She looked up at me with glossy eyes. “My parents hate me.”
I sighed sitting next to her and wrapping my arm around her.
“They don’t hate you. They could never hate you. They’re really disappointed but they can’t hate you. My mom’s disappointed but she’s gonna be there like she always is. Your folks too.”
Jasmine stared at me. “Why are you so nice? Why isn’t August here too?”
I shrugged. “Because August is an immature pussy ass nigga. And I’m being nice because that’s who I am. And you’re carrying my potential child.”
“Thanks Chris.” Jasmine leaned in and kissed my cheek. “For everything.”
“You’re welcome.” I gave her a smile. There was an awkward silence when “G.O.M.D” by J.Cole filled the air. It was my ringtone so I answered the phone.
“Hello?” I spoke into the phone then looked at the caller ID. “What’s up Ty?”
“This isn’t Ty. This is Honey.”
“Oh. What’s good, Honey?” I asked casually as I walked back to my car.
“She helped me out now it’s time I help her.” Honey muttered to herself but I heard furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.
“What are you talking about?”
“It’s about Kae. I think you should know what happened.”