and not transformers

You know it makes a lot of sense that Starscream has an attention seeking complex when you consider that firstly he came off an assembly line of who knows how many other identical bots, then he fell in with Thundercracker and Skywarp who both have outlier abilities while he doesn’t, and then he ended up in Decepticon High Command where almost everybody else is either an outlier, a Point One Percenter, a triple-changer, or just way bigger and stronger than him. 

Hot Crossed Realities~ Chapter One

Summary: One of Brainstorm’s experiments goes on the fritz, with an unexpected consequence. Pulled into another universe, two women have to learn to live alongside their favorite characters on the Lost Light … and all the danger that comes with it. 


The musical chime of the doorbell filled her ears as Fay looked up from her comic book, a knowing smile on her face as she set it to the side and hurried over to the door. Her smile grew into a full blown grin the moment she opened it to reveal her visitor and said, “Hey, JJ!”

“Hey girl!” As soon as the door was open, Jay threw her arms around her friend, pulling her in for a tight hug that might have been a bit too hard in her excitement. She let go with a pat on the arm before moving past Fay into the apartment behind her.

Knowing her friend’s place by heart at this point, she dumped her bag full of stuff on the ground by the couch before plopping down on it with ease. Her eyes landed on the comic face down on the couch as she quickly picked it up, flipping through the pages with a smile on her face.

“Starting over from the beginning huh?” she commented. “It’s been a little while since I’ve read this, I forgot some of the smaller details.” She pointed to a particular page, a character long since dead where she was in the comic yet was still very much alive at that point. She hated when characters had to die…especially her favorites!

“Yeah. Sometimes it’s just nice to go back and see all the things I missed then.” Fay settled into the seat next to her friend and pulled another comic over.

“Rung still your favorite~?” She stated more than asked as she teased Fay, already knowing the answer but enjoying the reaction it brought forth from the blonde woman.

“Pfft…of course!” Came the amused retort, a sly smirk on her face as she waggled her eyebrows.

Jay laughed a bit at Fay’s answer, throwing a hand dramatically over her forehead in response.

“Maybe one day, you’ll finally get together and have a bunch of techno organic babies. Keep on dreaming Fay!” She fell back onto her friend’s lap with a dramatic flop, beaming up at the woman with a ridiculous mix of pride and sarcasm.

Smirking down at her comrade’s antics, Fay chuckled and said, “Oh yeah, just like Rodimus will come whisk you away for a romantic drive across the cosmos.”

Jay put a hand to her chest with playful shock, “It could happen! You never know!”

She was going to say something else–probably more teasing–but her train of thought was cut off by a sudden boom in the distance, the sheer volume startling the two. She jumped a bit before she sat up and moved to check out the window, her curiosity piqued as she scanned the evening sky. There hadn’t even been a cloud on her way over and it didn’t look like it would rain…but then again, Florida weather was known for being a bit finicky and unpredictable.

“That’s strange. The weather map said there wouldn’t be any rain until tomorrow night,” Fay uttered in confusion, peering out the window as well. The sky was thick with heavy rainclouds, but instead of the typical dark gray or near black the clouds were a strange mix of purple, red, and green. Yet not a single drop of moisture fell from the sky, leaving a sense of unease to settle over them at the sight.

“I know I’m not a meteorologist, but I’m pretty sure those aren’t normal cloud colors for this area. Or any area really.”

Jay nodded her head in agreement and added, “Uh yeah, I’d say so. Maybe it’s just one of those freak weather things, you know what I’m talking about?” But even to her own ears she didn’t sound entirely convinced by that reasoning.

K-r-r-r-r-RACK! BWOOM!!

“Holy hell!” Fay yelped in shock when an earth-shattering thunderclap rattled the house around them, the ground seeming to lurch beneath them while glassware rattled in their place. A brilliant flash of red lightning illuminated the sky, painting the world in an ominous shade of crimson as arcs of electricity flickered in and out of sight.

The two shrieked when a stray bolt of lightning struck the nearby transformer, the power cutting off and plunging the two in darkness. “Jeez louise!” Fay uttered, her heart in her throat at the sight of the sparking power pole and how close that bolt had come to hitting the house. “That was way too close for comfort! Are you oka–?” The question died in her throat as a flicker of red light drew her eye to the television. The screen was dark at first, but another flicker of red electricity arched and danced over the surface before the screen came on. Images of strangely familiar faces were darting in and out of existence, too fast for the eye to make out as the two watched the screen with a mix of fear and awe. “J-Jay?” she started, watching the screen as the images blurred together, forming a swirling vortex of bright red and violet light.

“Y-yeah I’m seeing that too…” She watched with eyes full of panic as the very air seemed to ripple, heating up to uncomfortable levels as their skin tingled from the energy surrounding them. She could feel the rippling energy being pulled towards the television by an unseen force, and for a moment she swore that the swirling mass itself was alive.

She felt an invisible tug against her skin as the vortex picked up speed, the very force of the suction causing her maroon curls to wildly dance around her face and knocking smaller items away from their perches before pulling them into the TV. Gasping in shock, she tried to look to Fay for some kind–any kind–of reaction. But despite the light of the vortex illuminating the room like the sun, she could only make out her friend’s general shape, her face distorting and blurring whenever Jay tried to look directly at the woman. It was as though the colors from the TV itself were straining her eyes, making it impossible to distinguish one thing from another. It was all too surreal…was this really even happening?

Although her head ached and everything was spinning around them, she still managed to make some sense of the swirl of colors to notice and snatch her bag from the air just as it was being pulled towards the portal. She looped it over her arm to keep it from flying again and, as she turned back around, saw the Transformers comic flying towards Fay as she caught her own bag.

“Grab it!” she yelled, surprising herself at her own words. She wasn’t even sure why a replaceable comic was so important in that moment, but given the situation she wasn’t entirely thinking straight.

Fay instinctively reacted to the command and reached out, snagging the comic midair. “I got it!” She cried out over the rushing wind, stuffing the comic into her bag for safety and looping her arms through the straps. While their bags were safe, it soon became apparent that they were not as the pull grew stronger, forcing her to grab onto Jay’s hand and the couch. “Hang on!” she tried to shout, only for the howling wind to drown out her voice as she clung to the fabric.

Jay tightened her grip around Fay’s hand without hesitation, tears pricking the corner of her eyes from the sharp wind as fear gripped her heart like icy talons. With her free hand she tried to grab onto the couch as Fay had done, but the breath was torn from her lungs as the energy picked up. She barely managed to scrape the edge of the fabric before realizing that her feet were no longer in contact with the carpet, her body literally floating in the air towards the direction of the vortex. It was so strong she couldn’t even yell or open her eyes, just hold on to the only things she had in that moment; her bag and her friend.

She heard a scream, but whether it was from her or Fay she couldn’t tell, but it was clear that Fay was losing the battle to hang on, her teeth bared in determination as she struggled to pull Jay back towards the couch. With a strangled cry, her hand slipped from their anchor and they were both wrenched back into the swirling mass of red and violet.

There was a tingle against their skin as they passed through the vortex, their world a twisting mix of light and kaleidoscopic colors as they tumbled through the tunnel. Fay grunted as she reached out and clung to her friend, fear and desperation pumping through her veins. “J-Jay!” It was difficult to speak–let alone breathe–and there seemed to be no end in sight as they rolled head over heels down the endless vortex. Her aching fingers began to lose their vice-like grip on Jay’s arms, the powerful energy pulling them apart. “Jay! Don’t let go!”

Though she couldn’t see through the rushing whirlwind she heard her name clear as a bell and latched onto the arms clamped down on her own, but something was shaking–was it her? She couldn’t tell as the pressure forced their grip to slip, leaving only their hands connected. At that point all she could do was desperately try to keep the hands in hers, holding on for dear life.

One second they were there, the next her hands were empty. Before she could react, she heard a distinct ‘pop!’ before she found herself hitting solid ground and bouncing, rolling and tumbling head over heels out of control. Seconds later her body collided with something solid, the impact enough to force the air out of her lungs with a great ‘whoosh!’ as she lay there with her back pressed against the cold floor and her legs propped up against it. She hadn’t thought that she had any breath left in her after that, but apparently life continued to surprise her.

Fay hadn’t fared any better, her lighter frame flying through the air before bouncing and rolling. With a winded ‘Whoof!!’ she slammed into something hard and warm, her body lying flat against…whatever she’d just landed on as she struggled to breathe again. When she was finally able to get enough air in her lungs, she forced herself to lift her head–what exactly was she staring at? Something red and black?–and wheezed as she called out, “Ooough…Jay? You okay?”

Why did everything hurt so much?

Jay managed a low, drawn out groan, eyes still squeezed tightly shut as she took a moment to make sure nothing felt broken on her body. Feeling that her body was still in one piece, she said, “Yeah, barely…but I think I might have hit something made out of metal…”

You did.

There was a pause after that confirmation as it slowly began to dawn on Jay that those words hadn’t been spoken by a voice she recognized. Her eyes snapped open, dread settling over her when she didn’t recognize the white tiled ceiling above her or the … what was it? It was some sort of metal thing, though what exactly it was she couldn’t even tell from the angle she’d landed in.

It only took another second for her to follow the metal object up, up, up and up until she was staring into very foreign yet somehow familiar golden orbs. Except they weren’t even really eyes per se but … her mind instantly drew forth the word ‘optics,’ and in that moment everything snapped into place. With a choked half scream she quickly flung herself to the side, rolling and scrambling over to an equally startled Fay as she scrambled off the other foot, the two instinctively backing away from the supposed danger. With that distance, now the women could get a better grasp of just how HUGE they were, towering over Jay and Fay like giant metal monsters. Giant metal monsters they knew. Giant metal monsters they loved!

That’s when they both started screaming.

“Whoa!” The first behemoth with golden eyes yelped, the name ‘Brainstorm’ instantly springing to mind as he crouched down to their level. “H-Hey, hey! It’s–It’s okay! It’s okay! We’re not gonna hurt ya! Please stop screaming.” He glanced up at the other red, black and white mech– ‘Perceptor!’ their minds screamed at once–and said, “Help me out here!”


It took a good minute or so for the two to calm down, much to Brainstorm’s relief, but instead both were now staring at him with wide eyes and slack jaws. He was tempted to wave his hand near their face to see if that would snap them out of it, but didn’t want them to freak out again; his audials were still aching from earlier. As he stood to his full height, he glanced back at the experimental ground bridge and frowned when he realized it had broken shortly after the arrival of the humans. It was supposed to be a simple test run to see if they could get it functioning to make supply runs easier to obtain for the lost light, but instead he’d gotten … tiny creatures full of panic.

Well, that just means he’ll have more chances to conduct experiments later to figure out what went wrong, and if there’s one thing he loves, it’s experiments! He turned to Percy, making optic contact with the bot who was just as confused as him, surprised to note just a touch of intrigue in those normally cold optics. Maybe not all was lost then! And besides, neither of them had ever had a chance to interact with humans before …

But just as he was considering asking Percy if they could keep the humans, the sound of heavy stomps could be heard just outside their lab before Ultra Magnus practically charged inside. “What’s going on he–?!” His demand was cut off when the humans began screaming again, leaving him staring at the two in shock and disbelief before he rounded a dark glare at the two scientists. “Why are there HUMANS here?” The co-captain all but roared, though it seemed as though he was simultaneously trying to shush the humans in what Brainstorm guessed was his attempt at being non threatening.

Thankfully the humans had stopped screaming shortly after Ultra Magnus’ arrival, though they still looked ready to bolt at any second. With a quick glance at the two females–or at least he assumed they were female–he gestured towards the now decommissioned machine and said, “We were attempting to do a test run with the space bridge before presenting it to the crew when something caused the computers to go on the fritz. I tried to shut it off, but before I could do anything, these two–” he pointed at the humans huddled together, “–came flying out!” He paused for a moment before he added, “On the bright side, at least we know it’s safe for living matter to pass through!”

As far fetched and somewhat morbid as the explanation sounded, it was hard to argue with the proof literally staring up at them with wide, terrified eyes. Ultra Magnus looked between the humans and the space bridge for a moment before he turned his attention back to Brainstorm. “Is there any way to fix it and return them to Earth?”

Brainstorm raised a hand as though to respond, only to think better of it and lower his hand again. “As of right now? No,” he said, moving over to one of the computer systems and pulling off a panel to reveal the inner workings. Smoke drifted out of the opening, and there was a distinct smell of burning rubber and metal that filled the air. “The systems are fried to the Pit and the machine itself has started to melt the circuitry. It’ll take some time to get it up to snuff again, let alone functioning enough to bridge them back.”

It was quick, but Perceptor happened to glance down at the humans just as the dark-haired one shook her head at her companion, a universally clear ‘no’ gesture. He found it odd, but then again he didn’t quite know enough about humans to understand their social norms.

Upon hearing Brainstorm’s explanation and seeing the damage himself, Ultra Magnus sighed and ran a servo over his face, irritation and frustration causing his processor to ache. How did this ship always seem to attract the most bizarre situations and events? But as he glanced once more at the still shell shocked people on the ground, it was clear to him that there was no choice other than to keep them here until further notice. Dropping them off on a planet with a suitable environment, while possible, would be extremely unkind since he doubted they’d be able to adapt so easily. From what he knew of Earth, some humans still didn’t believe or even realize that aliens existed–a fact that was quite obvious given their terrified expressions.

If Verity had been here, she would have wanted him to accept them without hesitation.

“Fix the ground bridge as quickly as you can then,” he ordered. “But before that, I need the two of you to repurpose one of the empty habsuites to better accommodate the humans in the meantime.”

Seeing the excited sparkle in Brainstorm’s optics, he narrowed his own and held up a servo.

“That does not include any kind of weapons, Brainstorm. Their room needs to be safe, not a health hazard.” He turned back to the two humans and moved closer to them, towering over them before slowly kneeling as close to their eye level as he could get. “I know this is all a shock and you must be frightened, but rest assured that we mean you no harm. We are known as Cybertronians, and we are Autobots. You may call me Ultra Magnus, and I am terribly sorry for this incident, but for now we will do our best to return you to your planet.” He lowered his hand down so it was palm up and added, “If you will come with me, you will stay in my office until your habsuite is complete.”

At this point, despite how illogical it was that they were both experiencing the same dream, it was the only way Jay could wrap her head around the situation. Throwing a ‘what-the-hell’ look over her shoulder at Fay, she took a deep breath before climbing onto the offered hand. It was … strange to say the least. It was definitely different reading about the bots versus actually being here with them! She barely took up any space in his palm, and she was certain that he could easily engulf her in his fist and still have room to sit up. What surprised her the most, however, was just how warm he felt beneath her palm. No matter how many times she had wished to meet the characters of her favorite comic, nothing could have prepared her for this.

Glancing over her shoulder again, she noticed that Fay seemed to hesitate for a moment. She reached back to encourage Fay into climbing on, and despite her hesitation she latched onto the hand and allowed herself to be pulled up. The sudden shift of vertigo when he stood up left them gasping in surprise, the new height vantage bringing them almost eye-to-optic level with the other bots before he turned and left the lab.

The ride itself was not much better as he strode down the hallway, keeping his hand steady while the walls and floor passed them by in a blur with each step the massive mech took. Fay found herself eyeing one of the massive fingers, which dwarfed even the thickest oak trees. They already knew that he was a big mech when it came to the comics, but damn! In real life they might as well have been hamsters by comparison!

Strangely enough during the walk they didn’t see any of the other crew members, which was odd considering how many there were supposed to be on the ship. Ultra Magnus finally stopped at one of the many doors (how many had they passed by already?), keying in a code before the metal doors slid open to grant them entrance. Just as he stepped inside, something orange and white caught Fay’s eye before her view was cut off, leaving her little time to figure out just who exactly she’d seen as the door shut behind Magnus.


“I can’t believe it! I mean, I know we’ve had a lot of weird things going on lately but I seriously can’t believe it! Were those actual humans?”

To anyone that was listening they would have heard Swerve continue to babble excitedly as he carried a crate of Engex back to his bar, a wide grin on his face as he tried to recall what he had glimpsed. Two humans–two! Wow!–sitting in Ultra Magnus’ hand! Where did they come from? How did they get on the Lost Light from Earth? Did they come on their own ship? He didn’t think they were that small, but then again everyone seems smaller when it comes to mechs like Ultra Magnus!

Mechs looked up as he hurried in before returning to their drinks, and he slipped behind the bar where a familiar red and orange mech sat. “Hey, Rodimus! Sorry, I’ll be right with you, I had to do a restock run,” he greeted the other mech. “By the way, Ultra Magnus was heading into his office and you’ll never guess what I saw! He was carrying two humans with him! And they’re females I’m pretty sure? I know from all the Earth movies I’ve watched, I’ll have to show you sometime! I also knew humans were small but not that small, do you think that’s normal for them? Where do you suppose–?”

Pfft?!” He was interrupted by Energon splattering onto his face, Rodimus pounding his chest as he started coughing and hacking from his earlier spit-take.

“Wait, what? There are humans? Here?! Why didn’t Mags call me?!?” He shouted as he grabbed Swerve by the shoulders, making the mini bot wince in surprise and pain. Did he have to do that right in his audials??

Not waiting for any further explanation, Rodimus grabbed his glass and downed the remaining Energon in it before slamming it back on the bar and spinning himself off of the bar stool. “Wait, where are you going?” Swerve called as the flame-colored bot rushed towards the exit.

“Well I’m the Captain, aren’t I? I gotta go check it out and greet the humans!!” There was no way in hell he was going to miss this opportunity, he had to see if Swerve was correct and there were really humans on board. He had so many questions and activities he wanted to do with them … honestly he just needed to see them, because he had never seen humans before.

Dashing down the halls he put on the speed as he made his way through the ship, pushing past anyone he ran into with a “Move out of the way, official Captain business!” and swinging around corners before anyone knew what just happened. He slowed down when he finally got to Ultra Magnus’ office, remembering that Swerve had said that the big bot was bringing them here…if they truly existed. Swerve had been known to make up stories or prank others before after all, but on the off chance that there were humans…without any hesitation, he burst into the office, not even thinking about whether or not Ultra Magnus would appreciate it.

“Hey, Mags! I heard there were–!” He was cut off by the startled yelps of two small creatures still sitting in his co-captain’s hands. Ah-ha! They were real!! “So Swerve was right! Hello humans!” He greeted them with a wide grin, bending over to stick his face in theirs so he could get a better look at them. Jeez, they sure are small! Who knew?

“Rodimus!” Ultra Magnus snapped, shifting his hand away from the red and orange bot with a stern frown. “They’re already frightened enough as it is without you invading their personal space. Back off!”

Knowing he’d gone a little too far, Rodimus held up his hands in a placating gesture and straightened up again, but he didn’t move from his spot. With a wary look, Ultra Magnus lowered his hand again so that the captain could better see them once more. His grin seemed to widen even more than before as he waved at the two staring up at him and he said, “Hey, sorry ‘bout that. It’s just that I’ve never seen humans before. Oh, hey! I bet I’m the first Cybertronian ship to have humans on it! Ha, bet that’s something that not even Thunderclash has accomplished before.” He swelled with pride at that knowledge ,so smug at the thought of besting Thunderclash himself at something that he nearly missed their reactions to him.

One of them was looking at him with simple, normal curiosity, while the other had covered the bottom half of her face with her hands, as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. He blinked for a moment before he smirked and raised an optical ridge in amusement, unable to resist the pleased laugh when he noticed her face turn a bright shade of red in response to his attention.

“Hey I know I’m hot–,” he was tempted to show them his fire manipulating abilities but somehow managed to restrain himself as he gave a knowing smile, - “but I didn’t expect that kind of reaction from such a cute human.”

He winked to emphasize his point, and he could hear a distinct sound that resembled choking from the woman, but he didn’t have time to say anything else before Ultra Magnus interrupted him. “Rodimus,” he began with a huff, once more vexed by the other mech’s apparent lack of respect for common sense and decency, “just what do you think you’re doing? Bursting into my office like–like some kind of hooligan?!”

“Mags, I’m the Captain! It’s my job to greet our new visitors!” He paused for a moment when a thought occurred to him that brought another smile to his faceplates. “Oh I think I might even have some Rodimus stars left in my office! To make their stay here official of course.” He could already imagine all the awesome and amazing adventures to be had with humans on board!

Ultra Magnus didn’t reply, too busy setting down the humans on his desk so he could bury his head into his hands in frustration. While he was doing so, Rodimus rambled on to the three, something about introducing them to all the bots on the ship and oh hey, do they want to come see his office it’s awesome! Don’t you think it’s awesome, Mags? Come on, what are the odds of them ever having this chance again!

Shaking his head, Ultra Magnus waited until the Captain had paused to take a breath before he finally said, “I think it would be prudent for the humans to visit Rung before anything else happens, Rodimus. They’ve been through a lot and could benefit from talking to someone who could help them calm down and adjust to their situation.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure thing, Mags,” Rodimus replied, waving a hand in dismissal as he reached over to scoop the two humans up without much warning. “Okay, here we go! When you two are done chatting with Rung we’ll get started on the introductions and all the other fun stuff! You are gonna love it here!”

The door slid shut behind the captain’s heel, only serving to muffle his excited voice as he moved further away from the office. Leering at the door, Ultra Magnus heaved a heavy sigh and sank down into his desk chair before uttering, “Whatever.”

-Lily & Silver

Oh boy I can’t tell you how satisfying it is to fix the Russian Holmes subs, I’m in heaven

Original subs:

New subs:

It’s actually incredible how much more Holmes he sounds after being given a bit of subtitle TLC (and how much better Watson sounds…. and everyone tbh)

It’s a case of You vs The Soviet Holmes She Told You Not To Worry About

Were you guys expecting good art from this blog? Alas, only shitposts are to be found.  I tried to find the worst robot costume to draw so I wouldn’t have to expend effort xD  Based off of this post by @rocksinmuffin here, thanks for the prompt idea <3: