I do get that Pearl being framed as being someone who's still worthy of love and admiration despite being clearly mentally ill and making mistakes is a good thing and an important part of representation - but as you say, too often the narrative frames Pearl as the primary victim of her hurtful behaviour because nobody ~understands~, and that attitude helps precisely nobody.
Especially since, like, Garnet is shown as being every bit as Neurodivergent as Pearl (although Garnet’s emotional state more closely mirrors a mood disorder) and what gets me is that people are more than happy to vilify Garnet and throw her under the bus for not totally sacrificing her own mental health so Pearl doesn’t have to feel bad about doing something truly almost unspeakably horrible to Garnet. Part of the issue we get with Pearl fans is that they’ll often claim “oh, you’re just demonizing a character coded as mentally ill” when, like, actually?? All three Crystal Gems have at least one (1) thing and all three crystal gems make mistakes and people get hurt, inadvertently or on purpose, but somehow Pearl gets to be the double-edged sword.
In the minds of hardcore Pearl fans, It’s Greg’s fault she and Rose never got to be together because Greg didn’t end things when he found out Pearl had feelings for her. It’s Garnet’s fault she repeatedly manipulated her into fusion because Pearl has self-esteem problems that Garnet is going to solve whether she likes it or not. It’s Garnet’s fault their fight took so long to resolve because if she’d just let it go and hear Pearl out, there’s a perfectly cromulent explanation for what she did. It’s Amethyst’s own fault she also has incredibly low self-esteem because she should’ve known that Pearl’s constant stream of insults didn’t mean she disliked or undervalued her!
If someone hurt Pearl, it’s not Pearl’s fault. If Pearl hurts someone, it’s not Pearl’s fault. I’m all for characters making mistakes and growing from those mistakes, but honestly as a mentally ill person I’m tired of watching her walk all over her (also neurodivergent) friends and loved ones while her fans constantly prioritize her mental well-being over everyone else’s.
Especially because I’ve met people in real life who pull that exact kind of shit and wreak a ridiculous amount of havoc on the mental health of other mentally ill people, and then try to use “your reaction to what I did is making me depressed and anxious so please just let it go, also I refuse to apologize or admit to any wrongdoing” to try and blackmail their friends and loved ones into letting them off the hook, like the damage they did to your mental health doesn’t matter because the knowledge that they hurt you is super hard to cope with so they’d really appreciate it if you’d just pretend they didn’t do anything wrong!!
Which isn’t really something I’ve seen Pearl do outside of the Sardonyx arc (where her explanation was basically “I couldn’t help it because I really wanted to do it, for my own benefit, on purpose”) but it is something I’ve seen her fans do, and it’s honestly why I’d caution people to give Garnet and Amethyst and Lapis as much slack for their mental illnesses and conditions as Pearl gets for hers.