and nobody understands

Nobody understands the essence of what makes something badass like a fifteen-year-old. It’s the purest form of badass understanding. Have you ever seen a fifteen-year-old designing a character? They’re fuckin badass as hell. Fearlessly badass. Unfalteringly. They know what they want and they go for it. Millions of spikes. Leather trenchcoats. Tinted shades. Boss.

anonymous asked:

pls expand on your ridiculous experiences during one semester at a fake college

okay I got a few asks about this so let me see what I can remember right now. These might not all be in chronological order

- At orientation, they were talking about the reservation near campus and all these pretty sites and this kid in the back of the auditorium goes “So uhh…heard this place might be built over a Native American burial ground?”

- The speaker: “…Let’s not think about that, okay?”

- The freshman were on campus alone for like a week and a half (other than the RA’s) before the other students and I just. The parties. Were out of control. An ambulance was called basically every night.

- I walked into the bathroom the first night there to find a girl literally dying because someone slipped something in her drink and she was having a Very Bad Reaction

- Sting- you know, the singer- ‘s son lived in my residence hall. This boy almost accidentally killed me on three separate occasions (while I was just trying to do my laundry)

- I told my family about this at Thanksgiving. Everyone in the room advised me to seduce him

- I ate breakfast in the dining hall exactly once. I got scrambled eggs. I noticed no one had brought out ketchup with the condiments and politely asked about it. I received glares from at least ten different people. Apparently people there don’t believe in ketchup on eggs.

- There were these two boys in my English class known as “The Lumbard Guys”. They didn’t live in my residence hall, but they would come over almost every night, start a party, and destroy part of the basement.

- At orientation this one kid got mad and set his shoe on fire to prove a point

- Also at orientation like??? My roommate disappeared???? And I never saw her again???

- Listen like…this campus just looked like the perfect setting for a horror film, but none of the people from the area got that. They all thought I was crazy until some comic from Comedy Central did a stand up act and said “Why the hell is this campus so creepy? I feel like I’m gonna leave here with someone else wearing my face!”. I felt way too validated.

- ALL OF MY CLASSES WERE SO FAKE

- My “math” class was actually a disguised home ec. course???? All we had were word problems that were incredibly detailed recipes or instructions on how to fix things. The teacher, who I swear to GOD was actually my Mr-Rogers-Wannabe guidance counselor from high school in disguise, spent more time trying to come up with names and backstories for the models in the text book than actually trying to teach

- I had to take a class called “first year seminar” because neither of my parents went to college. It was supposed to be teaching you about how the school works and stuff but SUPRISE BITCH WE’RE JUST GONNA YELL ABOUT RACISM AND PRIVELGE FOR AN HOUR.

- Literally that’s all we did. Just the whole class bonding over all these struggles we had gone through and getting fired up. Like, it was great, but I also ended up knowing very little about campus and school stuff bc that was the class that was supposed to be teaching me lmao

- My Psych teacher was fucking hysterical for the first few classes but then he just. Vanished. I had to drop the class

- My Fine Arts teacher just. Couldn’t stick to a teaching plan. Her entire wardrobe was scarves. She was very passionate about African masks. She had a flapper haircut. She spoke quietly, but with a marvelously forced tone of voice that I’m certain was her trying to sound impressive and hide a Boston accent. She didn’t seem to understand the year was 2014. She took us into the city to go to the Art Museum and we lost her in there, never to be seen again

- I’m not even kidding

- My “writing” teacher was my absolute fav omfg. She was this long grey haired hippie lady who worked as a nurse for the Grateful Dead and was still stuck there. She may or may not have hooked up with my uncle. I was her favorite student because one day I came in wearing a “HAIR” shirt. She wanted to take the class to England for the sole purpose of going on a Beatles tour

- But like…she did not teach a writing class omfg. She taught a social justice class. All we did was have informed debates about The Issues and listen to music and occasionally watch the Breakfast Club. Every time there was a big paper due on the syllabus, she’d just sit on her desk and go “I mean, I don’t have to cover anything, right? You guys know how to write!” Like I genuinely don’t think she knew what class she was teaching

- There was a boy who sat next to me in that class. He was deaf in one ear and used that as an excuse when he got caught blatantly not paying attention. It worked every time. But I was right next to him. I saw him playing Yu-Gi-Oh on some website on his phone under the table. One time we started talking about model cars and he pre-cummed.

- There was a boy who roamed the campus in a long black trench coat and a weird hat. I never saw his body and started to suspect he might not have one, just the theory of one. He took interest in me because I was the only person in class who ever got his Doctor Who jokes. He’d come up to me at dinner and blast quiz me on various nerd culture before running off and disappearing into the shadows. Just as I was starting to grudgingly accept I was probably going to have to eventually hook up with him for the greater good, I apparently offended him by saying I like Picard more than Kirk. He didn’t stick around to listen to my reasoning. Whenever I saw him after that he would loudly start talking about how great his girlfriend was. Everyone knew he was lying. I wonder if Kirk ever sucked his theoretical dick as well as I would have.

- I gave a football player a shout out on Yik Yak. He really appreciated it, and gave me some fries laced with weed as a thanks. That was such A Night ™ , I watched the Lorax and left the dimension.

- Every time we had dances, this creepy guy named Horace would find me and use my obvious discomfort to make me dance with him. He’d hold my wrists and shove his crotch on mine while vaguely swaying to the beat. I had to escape to the bathroom every few minutes. Finally the security just banned him from the events altogether. I can still see his face clearly in my mind.

- One night, I walked into the bathroom to find a perfect, untouched pizza laying on the floor…but not in a box. Someone literally just took it out of the box and laid it down. I’m still fuming.

- One time I was in the mostly empty library when I smelled something. I walked down the rows of shelves before rounding the corner, and found the President of the college hidden there, sitting on the floor, smoking, a bottle of vodka in his hands. We held eye contact for a solid minute. He slowly shook his head at me. I said “Sir, your house is like…literally across the street.” He shook his head more vigorously. I left the library.

- One night, I heard screaming. I looked out the window to find a girl in a giraffe costume scaling my building. People were throwing water bottles at her. I was concerned. I didn’t know who to talk to for answers.

- I was in line trying to pay for dinner. One of the lunch ladies climbed on top of the ice cream machine and refused to come down. Her friend came over and they started recreating the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. Very few people acknowledged it.

- Someone jacked up the soda dispenser so it was only dispensing beer. None of the staff cared enough to fix it.

- I caught my RA in the middle of a drug deal so she gave me a coupon for free ice cream

- Also side note: The soft served ice cream machine on campus was actually a frozen yogurt machine. I had no problem with that, but like, advertise correctly, you know? Nobody else seemed to understand my confusion. Nobody else seemed to understand that froyo and ice cream are two different things. What the hell.

- There were just…so many moths all over the campus. A terrifying amount. When it started getting colder I was like, finally, I won’t be attacked by moths anymore! Only for even more moths to appear. I asked a local about it. “Oh, those are the winter moths!” What the fuck are winter moths? What the fuck, Massachusetts? My friend back home grew convinced that Mothman was in the area. I was inclined to believe her. Sometimes I close my eyes and all I can see are moths everywhere, waiting for the moment to strike.

-  I’ve encountered deer many times in my life. I know how they act around people. But the deer on this campus were just weird. They’d run out at people all the time. One almost shoved me into traffic.

- My roommate gave my phone number out to literally anyone she found who mentioned they liked to read or liked Doctor Who. She was concerned I had no friends. No one ever called.

- I met a small Greek girl in my Fine Arts class. Our first day of talking, she made me climb a mountain with her so she could get to tutoring, even though I had no reason to be in that building. Her roommates kept mysteriously disappearing. She was late to everything. She’d call me randomly to get food at 1 in the morning. She kept somehow breaking phones and tvs and other electronics. When I asked her how they kept breaking, she waved it off with “Oh, I have OCD. You wouldn’t understand”. I have OCD, and I still don’t understand. One time she invited me out with her friends from high school. I waited outside her building for two hours, while the other friends waited in the parking lot for two hours, because we didn’t know how to find each other. She eventually came outside at 10:30 pm. We went to Friendly’s. She made us stop at her house so she could grab something. We pulled up a long, winding driveway and stopped in a parking lot. At the end of the parking lot were stone stairs that lead up to a mansion on a hill. She ran inside and the rest of us stayed in the car, listening to High School Musical and talking about Supernatural. When she came out 40 minutes later we decided to try and prank her. It went wrong. We almost ran over her friend’s sister with the car. They invited me to a pumpkin patch. When I started complaining about my roommate, she asked me to move in with her. I thought about the other three girls who had seemingly gone missing. I politely declined. Six months after I left the school, I received a text from her asking for notes for an exam, and radio silence after that. I can’t find her on facebook. I fear she might have gone missing too.

- One night, as I was standing outside huddled in the cold, a boy came up and offered me a cigarette to help me stay warm. I turned it down, but he stood around talking to me for a few minutes afterwards. I felt absolutely no awkwardness at all. He was a musician from Colorado. He sang a bit of one of his songs. He was dropping out of school to go to California the next week. He told me I had beautiful eyes, but his were the most alive eyes I’ve ever seen so I couldn’t believe the compliment. We talked for about ten minutes and I fell a little bit in love. He had to rush off to a club meeting, but he told me he’d rather keep talking. He gave me the sweetest smile before he left. I didn’t get his last name or number and I never saw him again.

- There was a dance on Halloween. I couldn’t think of a sufficiently slutty yet classy costume, so I just went as Osgood from Doctor Who. When I got there there was a huge crowd, but people quickly grew bored and started leaving. There ended up being six people left (myself included). We stayed because we could see the upset faces of everyone who had planned the event, but actually had one of the most fun nights of my life. We- myself, the girl from across the hall, Trench Coat Boy, his tiny friend who never spoke, and a boy and girl I didn’t know who seemed to be professional dancers- danced nonstop for almost three hours. The strobe lights and poppy music solidified an unspoken bond. I had never and to this day haven’t felt as free as I did that night. The tiny quiet boy’s smile could have lit up a city. It’s etched into my mind. We all left the dance talking about the surreal feeling in the air, as if something had shifted. None of us ever mentioned the dance again. It’s still one of my fondest memories.

- For a solid month, there was someone in a gorilla costume running around campus.

- There was a rash of sexual assaults on campus. A gang of boys kept jumping girls in the woods. The only thing the school board did was give out free rape whistles at lunch one day. I missed that day, making me one of the only students on campus without a whistle. Later that night when I ordered pizza, the delivery guy tried to start up a conversation with me about all the assaults. He blamed the girls. I took back my tip.

- Sometimes the showers just…filled up with black sludge. No one knew why.

- The girls in the room next to me were very bizarre. They always shot me odd looks and whispered to each other constantly. I couldn’t figure out if they were sleeping together or not. They never washed their hands when we were in the bathroom.

- The doors to each dorm were thick and heavy and required effort to push them open. My roommate and I made sure to lock ours every night, and would triple check it. It swung open by itself almost every night. The channels on the tv would change with the remote equidistance away from us. Sometimes I heard humming in the showers when I was the only one in there.

- My roommate…deserves a whole separate post dedicated to her, honestly.

- She would call her mother and have her do her homework for her. She blasted music constantly, and it was either country or hard rap, nothing in between. She sexiled me constantly. I once walked in on anal. She’d meet guys on Tinder, fall in love with them after a couple of days, and then bring them into the school and into our room like it was no big deal. One of them made it clear he was a budding serial killer. She was in a new drama every week. One time someone called her a dilf on Yik Yak. She was firmly convinced her cousin was blonde because her aunt dyed her hair when she was pregnant. She tried her hardest to get me laid by a football player. She was the loudest drunk I’ve ever encountered. Honestly there’s just too much about her for this omfg

- John Zaffis, the famous paranormal researcher, came to the school on my birthday. I went because I’m a loser who’s been watching shows with him since I was a kid, and I was having a bad day so I decided it could be a treat. I sat in the front row. He held an uncomfortable amount of eye contact with me the entire presentation. He was impressed with my questions. He lamented about the fact he’s always cut out of movies or replaced by priests that look like him. He apparently came to the school every year around Halloween to do a ghost tour around the campus for the students. A girl allegedly killed herself in my floor’s bathroom. He apparently always got a lot of activity around the campus. Everyone in the freshman class started wondering if the rumors about the Native American burial ground were true.

- One time in “writing” class the teacher gave us a number and then whatever song came up as that when we put our music on shuffle we had to play for the class. I ended up with “Touch Me” from Spring Awakening. Midway through the song, the teacher from another class came to complain that they could hear everything. My teacher tried to defend that all music has an important message. “Molly, dear, tell her the message in this song!” I looked around the room and at the other teacher. “It’s about sex,” I said quietly. She stormed out of the room while the class started laughing.

- There was this girl that just had the natural ability to make anything boring. I feel bad saying that, because she’s such a sweet girl, and she’s smart, and she’s gorgeous, and she’s talented, but just…every time she says anything, it’s boring. I’m still friends with her on facebook, the talent transcends to writing as well. You could be having a fun, lively conversation and she could say something completely relevant to the point and yet it would still just be boring. It’s a baffling talent, I still don’t understand how she does it.

- There was a boy who’d come into my room. He lusted over my s’mores poptarts. He kept trying to hit the high notes in Broadway songs. He didn’t understand my sense of humor at all, so we both were constantly worried we were offending each other. He cried about Selena Gomez a lot.

- The dining hall only offered horrendous food. I had pasta almost every night because it was the only thing remotely edible. If you wanted good food, you had to go to Late Night, which was between like 10:30 and 1 I think??? They set it up specifically for stoners and people leaving parties. I was frequently the only sober person there. Except for the moths.

- The chief at the pasta place found out I like theater and got like…weirdly passionate about it. He kept telling me about different theater groups in the area and wanted to know if I was in the school musical. He asked me every time I went up for food.

- There was a disproportionate amount of large black birds to trees. It wasn’t hard to figure out why we so rarely saw smaller animals

- When I told my advisor I was thinking about leaving (mostly for financial reasons but also the fake classes were preventing me from getting an education I wanted, you know?), this little old man looked around his office as if checking for people listening in, then put his hand on top of mine, leaned in close, and whispered “Oh, you sweet little girl. Run as fast as you can.”

There’s definitely more but listen. This school was weird and fake and vaguely surreal and off-kilter. I am fully afraid that one day, years from now, I’m going to be driving through the back roads and pass the place where the campus should be, only I won’t find anything there at all, and won’t be able to find any trace of it ever existing. I won’t be able to find any record of it. I won’t be able to find a record of any of the people. Every time I think about this place I just get a weird feeling, like I somehow managed to escape the Twilight Zone but left a part of me behind in the process. Be careful when applying to college, kids.

Lessons for the Signs
  • Aries: Think before you act. Sometimes, you are too impulsive and make decisions which can affect you negatively. Be selective of who you open to, but don't be scared to open up to people.
  • Taurus: You are smarter than you think you are. Give yourself some credit and try not to be too harsh on yourself. Learn how to vent your anger in a healthy way for yourself and the people around you.
  • Gemini: Make a concious effort to put your best in everything. Leave no room for messy work. Take charge of your own life and let go of others, especially toxic people who are getting you down.
  • Cancer: You need to let things go and remove the guilt you always feel. You need to move in and leave things behind in times of distress. Try to be more confident and believe in yourself. You're stronger than you think you are.
  • Leo: You need to learn how to love yourself without the approval and flattery from other people. Stop heding from yourelf and let yourself shine, without worrying about what other people think. Try to keep an open mind in all aspects.
  • Virgo: You need to understand that nobody is perfect and sometimes it's okay to ask for help when you need it. Embrace people close to you and be more charitable of their flaws. You also need to ube spontaneous once in a while.
  • Libra: You neeed to cut out toxic people from your life, for the betterment of yourself. You have to take charge of yourself and make decisions. However, try not be someone who you are not. You are going to just end up wasting your time.
  • Scorpio: Stop pushing people who love you away. You need to understand that relationships with other people are very important, and pushing people away will just hurt you. Try to admit when you're wrong. This will help you improve as a person.
  • Sagittarius: Stop biting off more than you can chew. This can make you very overwhelmed. Make fewer plans and stick by it. If something really bothers you, talk about it and let it out. Find your balance in your life.
  • Capricorn: You need to trust others and open up about your emotions. Let them know how you feel, and people will appreciate you in return. Sometimes, you also need to take some risks once in a while.
  • Aquarius: Don't bottle up your emotions inside. It isn't good for your health. Be honest more often, even though it can be hard. Start to embrace people as they are and your life will improve tremendously.
  • Pisces: You need to reliaze you're not alone. There are a lot of people who go through the same thing as you do. Don't feel like you are burdening others with your problems. You are allowed to have friends.
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Let’s be real for a moment shall we? The guy on the right eats healthy and works out regularly. The guy on the left does the exact same thing. Social media is a place where we all filter out everything but the best representations of ourselves and share it with others. Because face it we all want others to see us at our very best. What happens though is when you compare yourself to the very best version of someone else it makes it incredibly hard to be happy with any version of yourself. So here’s a comparison of a real world me and a flexed best version of me. Because let’s face it I don’t walk around flexing everywhere I go. I wear comfortable cloths, I lounge around, I like to relax and I certainly don’t always look like the best versions of myself I share from time to time.
Social media plays a major part in body image issues and even I can say I’ve fallen victim to it comparing my progress to someone else’s. There’s a constant pressure to look perfect and it’s a toxic mindset to fall into.
Don’t compare yourself to the person that’s posing in front of the camera and only showing you the very best version of themselves. You have to remind yourself of who you are and what is real.

When people get all snippy about enforcing antiquated grammar rules, all I can think of is Edmund Spenser.

In the 1590’s, some dude named Edmund Spenser decided to write a flowery epic poem, basically a transparent allegory praising Queen Elizabeth. Fair enough. He was like, “I want this work to be remembered forever, so I don’t wanna use, like, MODERN SLANG or the CASUAL DISREGARD FOR GRAMMAR or FOREIGN INFLUENCE that THESE YOUNG UPSTARTS keep using. Nobody will read or understand their stuff in the future. I know, I’ll write in the style of Chaucer, because Chaucer is a ‘well of English undefiled.’ Now my piece will be a classic of pure and untainted English. 👌👌👌”

So he wrote this semi-incomprehensible fake-Chaucer poem. But FUNNNN FACT, guess who else was writing poetry in the 1590’s? Some young upstart using modern slang and casual disregard for grammar and foreign influence named William Shakespeare. And his stuff was good enough that a huge chunk of literary education is devoted to understanding his use of language… meanwhile, who’s ever heard of a Spenser Theatre Troupe, a Spenser Studies degree, or Spenser in the Park?

So ease up on that grammar policing. Shakespeare is widely praised for his inventiveness with language, creating and popularizing tons of new words and being the first recorded example of loads of common slang terms. Let’s appreciate it when 21st-century creators do the same!

2

The AU Nobody Asked For. (Samurai of Ga'Hoole) info below cut

Part 2

Yep. I did this. Guardians of Ga’Hoole for the win, my dudes

(The AU below has a lot of canon from book 7 and beyond so if you never read the whole series and don’t understand I’m sorry D=)

Keep reading

How to figure out your MBTI type, according to Tumblr

If you play sports, do drugs, regularly injure yourself and have no idea what the words “future” or “long term” mean, you’re an ESTP.

If you are loud, fun, have never had an intelligent thought, and party for 27 hours a day, you’re an ESFP.

If you are a psychopathic bag of internet trolls, secretly are building Frankenstein and/or an Iron Man suit in your basement, and have never had a conversation that wasn’t an argument, you’re an ENTP.

If you eat rainbows and poop butterflies, can’t stop daydreaming about love and/or memes, constantly flake out on others, and have never finished anything in your life, you’re an ENFP.

If you love rules, yelling, unborn babies, crushing the dreams of your NF children, and being emotionally insecure, you’re an ESTJ.

If you are social, caring, and also extremely shallow, fake, and boring, you’re an ESFJ.

If you consider yourself intelligent, occasionally think about the future, and have zero respect for others, you’re an ENTJ.

If you founded a charity to save all the children in Africa and were born with the ability to read minds, you’re an ENFJ.

If you ever go out into the woods in a leather jacket and skinny jeans to build motorcycles with your bare hands you’re an ISTP.

If you have deep feelings, nobody understands you, and you like to get high and draw emotional pictures, you’re an ISFP.

If you have zero feelings, moderate six subreddits, love to procrastinate, and are secretly twelve calculators in a trench coat, you’re an INTP.

If nobody understands your tortured, selfish soul and you write dramatic poetry every waking hour that you don’t turn and toss in bed, wondering if anyone will ever understand your terrible plight of life, you’re an INFP.

If you are quiet, considerate, and literally made of chocolate, you’re an ISFJ.

If you love rules, never have ideas, and are extremely boring, you’re an ISTJ

And if you have ever thought about the future ever and consider yourself at least slightly above average intelligence, well you obviously must be an INTJ.

And finally, if you have ever thought about the future, have feelings, and want to be special, you must be INFJ. Did you know it’s the rarest type?

UPDATE: if u wanna talk about this personal vent that blew up send me a message, i’m not answering the anons lol. i know there are autistic people that disagree but this is directed specifically at allistic people that participate in ableism and yet do the whole meme thing and that it made me and yes, many others uncomfortable. particularly as many of the joke posts start with someone not understanding why the joke is funny, etc. if you’re not autistic however literally you can like not even interact with this post like i really do not care.


like i get the Joke or whatever but i’m here to be that annoying reminder that autism exists and all of you are complicit in ableism re: the babadook 

the movie is… pretty…clearly about ableism? her son is autistic- that’s why he’s bullied, that’s why he has meltdowns and sensory issues and doesn’t pick up on social cues, that’s why he’s ‘annoying’, that’s why her sister just Hates him- and she’s your typical autism mom. she takes it all out on her son, she hates that she gave birth to a child that was fucked up and Wrong and lost her husband in the process, she doesn’t have enough ‘support’, nobody understands, etc. he’s annoying and loud and complicated and she hates him the way some of you in the audience did. 

the babadook is her hatred of him, her inability to accept his autism, etc. that’s why she tries to kill him(the way so many autism moms do, the way autism speaks tries defend), that’s why she tries to physically abuse it out of him, that’s why she has to ‘feed the monster’ every so often (the way autism moms™ have their ‘mom days’ to complain about how much they can’t stand their kid, how sometimes they wish they’d never been born, how they consider drowning them in kiddie pools bc it’d be ‘kinder’, the way that famous anti-vaxxers report having to go stand in rooms and throw shit at walls to avoid hitting their kid)

it’s…really apparent to me as an autistic person and it is so many others, too? sam has to protect his mother from the babadook. he’s terrified of it (her)- the movie even makes clear that she was the one that wrote the book. she tries to kill both herself and sam (glass in the food). she becomes more and more unstable, aggressive, and violent, and sam’s response as an autistic child is to mirror what he sees. his meltdowns increase, he has less support, he spends all his time latching on to the remnants of the only person he has. 

like it’s…idk, really uncomfortable for me to see all these allistic people first making fun of how annoying the (autistic) kid was, and misinterpreting the movie to a frankly astounding degree, and then the Joke is that straight people don’t get how he’s a ~gay icon~ (which… many of the people in the first few posts from which the meme comes were autistic…. )

idk. it’s really weird for me to see allistics carry on with this elaborate lgbt icon joke by laughing in the faces of people that don’t understand why, when half of us are autistic… being mocked for not understanding a movie…about ableism…by allistic people. the mind boggles. 

i mean whatever its a joke gay babadook etc but y’all didn’t even get it the first time and you’re joyfully, self-assuredly ableist all the time so it’s really weird that this is just kind of drowning out all of the #actuallyautistic posts i was enjoying reading in the tag but i mean, allistics will be allistics, i guess 

gorillaz

damon, singing: mumbling, incoherent lyrics, ????, nobody ever understanding anything of what he’s saying, multiple theories about what the official lyrics are, nobody ever figuring anything out, the official lyrics still sounding different than what is being sung

the fans: