“You would not dare”
CLEXAWEEK, DAY ONE
ENEMIES TO LOVERS
“What the HELL were YOU thinking?” Clarke’s voice echoed through the room as Lexa attentions were still fully concentrated on locking the door “What were you even…” the blonde continued, but this time the commander stared at her for some eternal seconds before answering. Her eyes were as cold as her voice, as harsh as her tone “I saved you, Clarke. You and your people. I don’t really see how you can complain, after…” and in that moment Clarke’s words cut off hers, possibly in the roughest way “You…” she started taking a step closer “Raven almost died! And Octavia… she could have ended up with…” she continued moving her body imperceptibly towards the other woman.
Lexa raised her eyebrows, and Clarke felt almost frightened from her icy gaze. Almost. After that, the Commander’s soft voice reached her ears “Success stands on the back of sacrifice, Clarke.” and after a moment of hesitation her tone became stronger and angrier, and, Clarke had to admit to herself, sexier. Her green eyes stared at her and Clarke felt so small, so powerless. It was the Commander of the Canadian Private Service she was speaking to, it was one of the most powerful people she had ever met, not just a random girl and it was difficult not to feel inferior in her presence.
She was so strong. And fearless. And brave. And beautiful, so beautiful that Clarke almost got distracted and almost didn’t catch her following words. Almost. “Even YOU should know that by NOW, Clarke.”
After that, Clarke almost felt the urge to laugh hysterically, energetically, but she fought that, and with her most serious tone she hissed “I DO know, Commander. But what you’ve done today…”
“What your fellow companions were willing to do, willing to risk…” the brunette continued for her, never avoiding the blondie’s raged eyes.
“Don’t go there” Clarke warned her, but Lexa needed far more than that to be intimidated “I know that those kinds of choices haunt you, Clarke. But you need to learn how…”
“I don’t want to learn how to live with that, Lexa!” she cried, calling the other with her name for the first time in a long, very long, time. In that moment Lexa made a smiled that was half exasperated, half amused and her voice reflected that “You’re not above it all, Clarke!” she exclaimed “You are just like us, stop pretending otherwise” she continued irritated, and the blonde looked at her with a gaze that almost showed… disgust.
After that, Clarke stayed silent for a couple of seconds, allowing her anger to full her before continuing “We are not like you. WE don’t work like that, we… we have a moral! We perform our duties, we serve our country WITHOUT causing irremediable damage, WITHOUT…”
“Really Clarke?” Lexa whispered almost offended “Really?” she repeated with a smirk.
“Really” Clarke confirmed “I genuinely don’t understand how you can justify it, in your heart, in your… soul! These… terrible… shortcuts! You’re a curse, you’re… an abomination!” and after that, she looked away, in a motion of angry discontent but Lexa rolled her eyes exasperated before forcing the other one to look at her, then she grumbled “You know what, Clarke? Our job requires our hands to be drenched in blood” and saying that she took a step closer, forcing Clarke to take a step back and after that, she continued “And you know it, you’ve always known it. You…” she stopped for a moment, mad at the hypocrites the blondie was showing, then she went on “You, who have led so many to their destruction know it, you… the one that killed her own boyfriend with bare hands, you…” and in that instant, Clarke’s arms reached Lexa’s shoulders in a desperate movement. Not that Clarke accepted that “Don’t you dare! I warn you!” she cried “Don’t you…”
And Lexa’s hands responded that frontal attack reaching Clarke’s neck, pulling it closer “You killed him” she started “You killed him, without hesitation because you knew that what we do is far more important than a couple of human lives, you did that even if it was an impossible choice for anyone, and you did that because you knew that it was the right call.”
“Don’t you dare!” Clarke responded trying to free herself from that twisted embrace “Don’t…” she continued but the only result was that Lexa tightened her grab “You are no better than me, Clarke” she said seriously, but after a moment her tone became more kind “This is what we both are, my love” she whispered with a small smile.
Then she continued, “You can’t run away from who you are. From what we both are”.
In that moment Lexa suddenly felt Clarke’s body shaking under her pressure, but still didn’t let her go, no matter how many tears Clarke was starting to spill in that moment.
“I was 18” Clarke began “I was 18, and he was my first love!” she cried desperately “And what I did to him it almost destroyed me! It surely changed me and completely broke me. I was 18! And I loved him!”
Lexa nodded and tried to reassure her, or at least this was what she was trying to do “I know, Clarke. I was there, and I respected and supported your choice.”
“You did more than that” Clarke replied, with a calmer tone this time, “You encouraged that choice… And you helped me… And I hated you for that…”
“And I let you,” Lexa whispered doing something that Clarke had never expected her to do. She hugged her, trying to calm her down “It was the only reasonable choice, Clarke” she whispered again “It was needed, Clarke, and you know it, as it could have been needed today, as it could be needed in the future”
“Shut up… Just shut up…” Clarke repeated “Just…”
“Clarke…” Lexa called her again, kissing her forehead in an infinite moment of peace and sweetness “You did the right call back then. You did what I would have done and what I pray I will never have to do.”
Lexa separated from her and moved her head near Clarke’s, staring at her, her beautiful, deep, green eyes. Clarke tried to control herself, but then those words escaped her mouth regardless.
“I hate you, I detest you.”
“No you don’t, you never have and you never will.” Lexa said shaking her head in a sweet movement, and after that, she kept staring at Clarke’s mouth without saying a further word, and the blonde noticed that and reacted accordingly “You would not dare” she warned her, and this caused the brunette to smirk evidently “You’re right, Clarke. I wouldn’t. And I won’t” and then she paused for a moment before continuing “I won’t because you will.”
Clarke rolled her eyes before saying “You’re such an arrogant, superb, petulant, irritating… pain in the ass.”
“I love you, t…” Lexa started, but Clarke cut her off by kissing her roughly “Shut up Commander” she said pushing the other to the wall and reaching under her shirt impatiently “Just shut up.”