and my pizza is cooking

Jealousy

Summary: You ask your best friend to pretend to be your boyfriend to make your ex jealous.

Pairing: Kim Seokjin (Jin) / Reader

Genre: Fluff / Smut

Words: 3.5k

A/N: (Feat. Wonwoo from Svt) Sorry Svt fans, I made him the enemy. I love Wonwoo though :)

Masterlist


“Okay that’s the last one.” Your new step father said.

Your mother just remarried and she figured it’s time that everyone lived together. Your step father was sweet so you had no complaints but as for his daughter. She was a snob but all you could do was play nice.

The last of the boxes finally settled so you thought you would try to step out.

“Hey mom….can I go to Jins?”

“No, we are having our first dinner tonight as a family.” You mother complained.

“I’ll be back….he only lives a few blocks away.”

Your mom didn’t like the fact that Jin lived by himself, technically he had a roommate but she still didn’t approve of you going there. He only was a few years older then you, three years to be exact. She also didn’t understand that you were just friends so nothing ever happens between you two. One more year and you can move out, you were counting the days.

“Fine you better be here….you got two hours.” You smiled and left quickly.

-

You knocked outside of your friends door. The door opened and you saw Namjoon. “You’re not pizza.” He said disappointed.

“Rude.” You pushed him out of the way. “Why do you need pizza when you have Jin….he cooks better then my mom.”

“I do.” He laughed from the kitchen.

“Can you make me my-” Before you could finish he rolled his eyes annoyed.

“Every time….you only come over for my goodies.” He whined.

You laughed as you wrapped your arms around him from behind. “That’s not true.” You giggled. “That’s the second reason.”

“Okay fine…one apple strudel coming up.”

“Thank you….my mom loves them too so I’m gonna have to hide them.”

“Or I could give you the recipe and you could make them yourself.” You glared at him causing him to do his famous laugh.

You heard a knock on the door. “Now this better be the pizza.” Namjoon got up.

He opened the door and you saw their friend Hoseok at the door with the pizza. “Thank you for the free pizza.” Namjoon grabbed it off his hands.

“No not again….you got me in trouble.” Hoseok complainted. “This is my third job in a year can you please not get me fired.” Namjoon glared and gave him his card so he could swipe it.

“What’s the point of working there if you can’t give your friends discounts.” You laughed.

“Hey what the hell (Y/N), you used to be on my side.”

“I am.” You didn’t noticed Jin look down upset as you bear hugged Hoseok.

You were like a little sister to all of Jin and his friends but the one thing you didn’t know was that Jin had feelings for you.

“Do you want some pizza?” Namjoon asked.

“No…..my mom is making me go home to dine with my new family.” You said in a mocking tone.

“They moved in?” Hoseok asked.

“Yeah.” You arched your eyebrows.

“Bummer.” Namjoon said.

“I have to get back to work.” Hoseok said goodbye and left.

You walked over to the kitchen just as Jin put your strudel in the oven. “What time do you have to go back?” He asked.

“I have an hour.” You both sunk in to the couch next to Namjoon and put on a movie.

Before you know it the movie ended and you felt your phone buzz in your pocket. When you looked at the ID, you saw it was your mother. Shit!!

“Hi mom.” You said cheerfully.

“Where are you?”

“I’m on my way home.” You lied as you started putting your shoes on.

“You always do this.” Your mother said disappointed.

“I’m sorry I’ll be there any minute.” And you snapped and hung up.

“I better go.”

“Don’t forget your strudel.” Jin said and you grabbed it and left.

-

As soon as you entered the chamber you call home you heard loud laughter coming from the dining room. When you entered the room you saw your mother and your step father on each side of the table and the backs of your annoying step sister Mina and the back of some guys head.

“(Y/N) Your late.” You mother tried to not sound annoyed.

“I’m sorry.” You said as you made your way around the table getting a view of your mystery guest. You felt your stomach sink once you saw him. What the fuck is he doing here?

As soon as he saw your face, he went pale, like he seen a ghost. It was Wonwoo, your ex boyfriend. Why was he here? He can’t be dating her.

“(Y/N) this is Wonwoo, my boyfriend.” Mina said to break the awkward silence. This is unreal.

“Hi.” You said with no emotion. He nervously smiled. It wasn’t a surprise your mother didn’t recognize him, she was always busy with her work.

“I thought this was a family dinner?” You sassed.

“(Y/N) What’s with you?” Your mother whispered but it was clear that everyone could hear.

“Nothing it’s just that I didn’t know we could of invite guest unless I would of.” You rolled your eyes looking down.

“Mina gave us permission, but you can invite people over too (Y/N).” Your step dad nicely said.

“My mom never told me that.” You continued your gaze down at your plate.

“Invite your friend over tomorrow.” He said.

“You have friends?” Mina smirked.

She can act like that and get away with it but when you do it your mother acts like all hell broke loose.

“I have lots of friends actually and they all exists.” You snickered. “Can I invite Jin over mom?”

“Who’s Jin.” Mina said annoyed.

My boyfriend.”

You heard your mother cough while swallowing her food. “Boyfriend?”

“Yeah.” You said it like it was obvious.

“You told me-”

“Mom we had this talk already I know you don’t approve because he’s older but you never even got to know him.” Which was kind of true but with the wrong message.

Your mother looked at you confused and angry at the same time. “We need to talk about this later.” You nodded.

-

“Sorry what?” Jin asked because he thought he misheard what you said.

“Did I tell you how handsome you look today.” You avoid his question.

“Did you just ask me to be your boyfriend?” He was still confused.

“So handsome.” He just glared at you confused. “Okay fine…… that’s exactly what I said.”

“Why?” He carried out the word.

“Don’t get offended or anything because you’re my best friend and I love you.” You held your hands together placing them over your chest.

“Can you please pretend to be my boyfriend because my evil witch from another planet step sister is dating my ex.”

“Wonwoo?” He asked.

“Yes Jin…because I’ve been in so many relationships.” You said sarcastically. “So will you help me?”

“Why do you need me, you said you were over him.”

“I am I just want to show him that I’m not pathetic and I can get another guy.” You said grouchy.

“Being single doesn’t make you pathetic.”

“I know I just don’t want Mina to find out, she’ll gloat in my face.”

He rolled his eyes. “Technically you don’t have a choice because I kinda told everyone already.” You bit your lip nervously. He glared at you.

“Okay.”

“Thank you.” You gave him the biggest hug ever. “I told my mom that you could come to dinner tomorrow night.”

“I don’t know if I can fake it.”

“Jin come one….its not hard.”

He looked at you concerned. “Let’s practice.” You sat closer to him. “Kiss me.” His eyes shot open wide. “It’s okay.” You giggled.

He wasn’t making any movements so you grabbed his cheeks and brought your lips to his. It took him a while to work against your lips but he eventually responded. You removed your hands from his face and leaned them on his shoulders. You can’t believe you are saying this but it felt nice.

“Woah, what’s going on?” You heard Namjoon enter the room.

You both looked at him stunned. “You guys are together now? It’s about time.” He laughed.

“No, it’s a long story but I’ll see you tomorrow right?” You got up ready to leave.

He nodded. “What was that?” Namjoon asked Jin.

“It’s a long story I guess.”

-

You watched as your mother set the table with an attitude. “You still mad at me?”

“You lied to me.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” You mumbled. “I’m sorry if I told you the truth then you wouldn’t have let me go.”

“That’s right I wouldn’t of.” She argued.

“Why are you so mad….you said you liked Jin.”

“Yeah but you said you were just friends.”

“We still are mom….we are exploring.” Your mother rolled your eyes.

“Jin’s a gentleman…he hasn’t even touched me yet.”

“Aish.” Your mother rubbed her forehead stressed.

“Hey dear.” Your step dad entered.

“He’s here.” You followed the knocking at the door.

You bumped into Mina on your way to the door. “Jeez what has gotten into you?”

“My boyfriends here.” You gloated.

You opened the door and there he was your best friend/pretend boyfriend. You noticed the slight change in his hair color. You arched your eyebrows at him.

You greeted him and wrapped your arms around his neck kissing him on the lips. He was caught off guard again but soon responded.

You heard a voice clearing behind you. Mina. “Jin this is Mina my step sister ” You said rushed, so she can go away.

“Hi.” She greeted cheerfully. “Nice to meet you.” She shook his hand. She was putting on some shy act. Was she attracted to Jin?

You looked at her and shoo'ed her away. She smiled and met your parents in the kitchen.

“I don’t see you for a day and you die your hair pink.” You noticed the slight tint of rose color coming off his blonde as soon as he stepped in the light.

“It was Namjoons idea.” He laughed.

“Why do you listen to him?” You grabbed his hand and led him to where the rest of the house was.

Your mother played nice even though she was in the past. Did Mina forget she had a boyfriend? She has your ex boyfriend and now she wants your fake boyfriend. You could tell that Jin was uncomfortable by the way she would constantly gaze at him.

“So Jin how long have you two been dating?” Your step dad asked.

“We have-” You started but your mom interfered.

“He asked Jin.” Your mother warned you.

He looked at you before he answered. “About two months now.” He lied. Your mom looked more ashamed of you because you lied but you knew in the end she prefer him then other guys.

-

The rest of dinner was pretty awkward. You walked Jin to his car. “Good job buddy.” You patted him on the back.

“How long are you going to make me do this?” He sounded disappointed.

“I don’t know.” You shrugged your shoulders.

“Good night (Y/N).” He opened his car door.

“Hey, are you okay?” He nodded. You knew something was wrong but you didn’t want to push it.

As soon as he drove away, another car pulled up. Wonwoo. What is he doing here?

“Hey (Y/N).” He got out leaning on his car.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m picking up Mina.” He answered.

“This late.” You sassed. “Never mind I don’t care.”

“You know I had no idea she was your sister.” He said.

“Step sister.” You corrected.

He walked up closer to you. “So you really seeing someone huh?” He was strangely close, which made you uncomfortable for Mina’s sake.

“Yup.” His eyes lingered down to your lips.

“You sure or are you just saying that to make me jealous.” He smirked leaning in closer to you.

You pushed him away from you. “What the fuck are you doing? What happened to you…you’ve changed.” You said distressed.

“Did you pull these stunts when you were with me…is that why you broke up with me because you were afraid I was going to find out?” You continued.

“I was just kidding chill….I broke up with you because you were a clingy bitch.” You were stunned those words left his mouth. He was never like this, or so you thought.

“Wow…best to luck with you and Mina because I’ll tell you she’s something…..she couldn’t even take her eyes off my boyfriend at dinner.” You smiled deviously and head towards the door.

As soon as you opened the door you saw Mina walking down the stairs. “The garbage man is here to take out the trash.” You smiled at her confused face and went to your room.

-

All week you begged Jin to go to your house to hang out instead of his. You couldn’t help but noticed Jin’s cold attitude towards you lately, but it was only when you two were alone other then that he acted fine. And boy could he act, he acted like a true boyfriend around your family. You liked it.

Every time you would kiss him, you actually felt butterflies in your stomach. You loved when he held your hand and you loved how he complimented you. Were you falling for your best friend?

As cliche as it sounds when you kissed him for the first time just a week ago, you felt a spark. The only problem was you thought he didn’t feel the same way.

You two were sitting on the couch watching a movie at your house. You were alone together, or so you thought. You looked at Jin as he was focusing on the movie. He was so handsome. You hated yourself for never seeing him that way before. Things were different now, you saw him different now.

You felt butterflies as you watched him bite his lips. You couldn’t control yourself much longer. You grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him towards you as you kissed him desperately. He responded immediately as he smiled into the kiss. You deepened the kiss as you explored his mouth with your tongue. You moved your hand down his chest feeling every inch of him. You were surprised he wasn’t stopping you. You had a little hope that he felt the same way.

“Woah get a room.” You heard an annoying familiar voice ruining the moment behind you. Both of you didn’t say anything as you watched Mina and Wonwoo head up stairs.

“We’ll be upstairs.” Mina said. You caught a glimpse of Wonwoo’s face, it was pure jealousy.

You slightly smiled and faced Jin once again. He had a look of realization, but then turned to anger.

“Wow for a second I thought that was real.” Then he got up and grabbed his jacket.

“Wait Jin.” You ran after him but he was almost to his car already.

“It was real.” But he didn’t hear you as he drove off.

-

You knocked on the door quickly hoping he would answer. The door opened and to your surprise it was Namjoon.

“He doesn’t want company.” He tried to close the door.

“Wait please I need to talk to him.” He wasn’t budging. “Please.” You said sadly.

He opened the door for you and looked at you ashamed. “Do you think you could leave us alone for a bit.” You smiled sadly.

“Only if you promise not to break his heart even more.”

“Trust me I won’t.” You smiled and Namjoon grabbed his keys and left.

You knocked on Jin’s door softly. “Namjoon I told you I’m fine.” He answered but you just knocked again. You heard a groan and movement. He opened the door and his facial expression changed as he noticed you. He didn’t expected you of all people.

“What are you doing here?” He looked at you hard.

“To apologize.” You didn’t let him answer you just wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him into your lips.

He slowly pulled away and looked at you crushed. “Why are you doing this to me?”

“I wasn’t acting Jin….I didn’t know they were there.”

He gave you a look that he didn’t believe you. “I know what I did was wrong but this past week with you.” You blushed. “I realized how I felt about you.”

“Your not saying that just to save our friendship are you?”

“Nope.” You pushed him farther back and shut the door behind you. He had a smile on his face but he still looked confused.

“You really have feelings for me?” He said worryingly. You pushed him again until he fell back on his bed.

“Yes Jin…I’m sorry that it took me this long.” You climbed on to him straddling his hips.

You leaned down kissing him intensely. You felt him grab onto your hips tugging on your shirt. You sat back up to pull off your shirt.

“How long have you like me?” You said lustfully.

“A while.” He smirked.

You leaned back done kissing his neck. You could already feel him getting aroused underneath you. He got confident and flipped you both over so he was on top. You reached for your own jeans and sliding them off as he kissed your neck.

“Jin.” He mumbled against your neck to show he was listening. “Please make love to me.”

He pulled away looking at you seriously. Jin knows that you’re a virgin and asking him was a big step because even when you were with Wonwoo you held out as long as you could because you weren’t ready.

“I want you to be my first.” You whispered. He sweetly smiled at your request. That signaled you to continue so you reached for his pants buckle as he pulled off his shirt.

He then pulled down your panties kissing up your thigh all the way up your stomach until he reached your lips again. He was so fragile with your body and it gave you shivers.

He knew that your first time was a memory that would linger your mind forever and he wanted it to be special. In that moment you knew you made the right decision. You couldn’t have asked a better person to be your first. Your best friend to fake boyfriend to your real boyfriend.

You reached your hand down his boxers feeling his erect member. You felt butterflies as you gently stroke him. This was all new to you and you couldn’t help but feel excited.

He pulled off the rest of his pants as he reached into his side table grabbing a condom. You quickly removed your bra as he started to unroll the latex down his length. You felt nervous. He leaned over you again and kissed you passionately.

“This is going to hurt a little.” He blushed.

In that case you didn’t care you just wanted to feel connected with him. You felt comfortable and warm. You responded by kissing him once more.

You felt his member brush your folds before he slowly slid into you. You quietly screeched from the sting. “You want me to stop.” He sweetly asked with concern.

“No….just move slow.” You smiled. The first few thrust were slow and painful but it felt better as your body finally adjusted to his size. He continued slow until you told him to move faster.

“You sure?” You nodded. As he picked up the pace the pain turned into pleasure. The pleasure was nice. You could get used to this.

He kissed your neck roughly probably leaving marks as he rocked against your body. You wrapped your legs around his waist from under the blanket to get better angle. You moaned feeling the pleasure stir up in your stomach. This new feeling was like a drug to you and you wanted more of it.

He reached around kissing your lips softly. He interlocked his fingers with yours as you both worked against each other. You felt the tingling feeling wash over your body as it made its way down to your toes numbing them in the process. You let the feeling take control of your body as you weakly laid there under Jin.

You felt Jin slow down his pace as he quietly moaned against your lips. You felt him warm up your insides as his slow thrust came to a complete stop. You still felt like you were in a daze. You were replaying every detail in your mind as you still tried to catch your breath. Jin swiftly rolled over to your side trying to steady his breathing as well.

You couldn’t help but giggle from the feeling. “That was amazing.” You sounded cliche like some predictable Rom-Com but you couldn’t help it.

“Your welcome.” You smiled from the fact he was still trying to catch his breath.

You rolled over so you could lean into his arms. He wrapped his arms around you as you both cuddled enjoying the moment. You looked up smiling at his beautiful face. He leaned down pecking your lips cutely.

“Finally!” You heard someone shout from the other end of the apartment. Namjoon? What the fuck.

-

Masterlist

Another TFLN Meme

[text]: Just please try not to piss _____ off, I really can’t afford to find a new drug dealer again
[text]: Well I’ve made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I’ve got this babysitting thing down
[text]: Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
[text]: He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn’t disappointed.
[text]: alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a sprained ankle. i die now
[text]: Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming I’M UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
[text]: This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
[text]: I’m fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
[text]: You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when I’m drunk because “I could have died”.
[text]: He’s tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should’ve shaved my armpits
[text]: You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
[text]: i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
[text]: anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
[text]: Someone said we’re out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying ‘but where will all the polar bears live”. That drunk.
[text]: I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when I’m drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
[text]: He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
[text]: I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
[text]: At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
[text]: Quick question. What’s the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
[text]: Go back and try to find another to go home with.
[text]: I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
[text]: Ah, but I don’t wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
[text]: I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone’s foreheads so they kicked me out
[text]: This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It’s now a love polygon and I want out
[text]: You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
[text]: There’s so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
[text]: Just told myself the phrase “You’re not THAT single” while dressing myself
[text]: who are you and why are you in my phone as Dr. Seuss
[text]: so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
[text]: you tried to order a margarita mcflurry and when they said they didn’t make those you tried to call 911
[text]: all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
[text]: not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn’t use stairs
[text]: I wonder if wearing only a tiara counts as being clothed.
[text]: Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a “shady motherfucker.” Can’t argue with that one.
[text]: thanks for bringing me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
[text]: I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.

Final Goodbye - E.D

Warning: I’m kind of proud of this, but it does include topics of death, cancer and loss. If this is something that you find hard to read, please do not read it. If you ever need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open and I will always be there to support each and every one of you x


I stare blankly at my wall as my mind keeps me awake with unwanted thoughts. I struggle to recall what it felt like to feel. What it felt like to worry, and to laugh, to cry and to feel this deep seeded rage within me. It’s not that I missed the feelings, it’s more so that I was curious as to what they would feel like again without you being the one that caused them. I lied there wondering what happened to me to make me this way, to force me to shut down into a state of self-preservation. But even the recollection of events brought me nothing but numbness. Would you be proud of me Y/N?
“Ethan” a soft knock echoed throughout the dark room as a silhouette figure appeared at my darkly lit doorway. I didn’t bother moving or standing up to greet them.
“How are you?” my brother soothed as he sat down softly on the edge of my bed, the mattress dipping at the sudden shift in weight.
“I’m fine Grayson, you don’t need to check up on me” I replied in a monotone, rolling onto my side away from his gaze.
“Okay. Well if you want to talk, you know I’m always here” he smiled weakly as he slumped out of my room, defeated. I know that this isn’t his fault. I’m not blaming anyone, I promise. I know that I should care that I’m hurting him by being this way, but I just simply can’t. All of your friends have stopped by with foods and comforting words, as they offer their apologises and say their biggest regrets, but if they really cared, why weren’t they there for you? They all say it will get better and how much they loved you, but they don’t know anything. Your mum came over the other day, and seeing her face was almost enough to bring the old me back; the broken, bruised and shattered, me. She’d lost so much weight since I saw her at the funeral last, and her face still smiles the same as yours, even if it was forced. Her eyes reminded me of yours, and I’m sorry to say I couldn’t look at her. I know you told me to look after her and to be strong for you, but it’s another promise lost in the mist of your passing. I know you told me you loved me, and you wanted nothing to change, but I can’t justify living this life that we planned without you. I know, I know, I know, I know all these things you said and you asked and you promised, but even though this knowledge is embedded in my memories and my thoughts, I can’t accept it.

~ ~ ~ ~

“A package came for you today” Grayson beams as he barged his way into my room, holding the heavy box in his arms as he placed it beside my bed. I looked over at it and immediately dismissed its presence.
“I didn’t order anything”.
“It’s from her” he says quietly, standing beside it and staring like it contained a ticking time-bomb that would obliterate everything in its destruction. I threw my legs over the edge of my bed, the sudden surge of movement causing stars to appear before my eyes, but I shook off the dizziness and picked up the box, placing it on my lap. I punched a hole into the cardboard and ripped it open. Various objects flew into my vison, but most importantly a letter with ‘Ethan’ scrawled upon it caught my attention first. I opened it and scanned over the messily written words, forcing myself to read it over twice.

To my Ethan, the dork that I had the pleasure of loving,

So, if you’re reading this it means that I didn’t win, even though I promised I’d kick cancers ass. I know it was a promise that was hard to keep, but I honestly did try my hardest. So, like everything, I have a plan. Yes, another plan and before you start complaining and groaning like you always do, you’re going to shut up and listen (well read) this masterpiece. Because let’s be honest, every plan I have IS A GOD DAMN MASTERPIECE (But this is definitely top 5 of insanely impressive plans that I have created). Within this aesthetically pleasing box that I had creative myself, you will find a serious of items. 1. Multiple College Catalogues. Now, I know that you said you don’t want to go, even though it’s been 2 years since we’ve graduated, and I know that we have had a series of fights about this topic but guess what, I’m not there for you to fight me on it anymore so shut up and read the god damn catalogues and give it a shot. You’re so intelligent, and you can achieve anything you put your mind too and I just want you to reach your fullest potential. I personally have already highlighted some courses that I think you’d be amazing at, just saying. 2. Some really corny and cringe letters that I have written that YOU WILL READ BECAUSE I WROTE THEM OKAY. 3. 4 USB’s which contain FIRE PLAYLISTS BECAUSE I’M A MUSICAL GENIOUS. 4. A brief description of why I am a musical genius and why I selected this fire as mix tape. 5. A list of reasons for you to continue living without me. Yeah I know, gosh who brought the depressing vibes but I’m guessing because I am the most lovable person on this world, losing me will inevitably crush everyone because I am just so god damn amazing, but I don’t want you to not live because of me. And if you ever need a little help, this list is here. And finally 6. My bucket list that I didn’t get time to finish, so I want you to finish it for me.

I don’t want you to think about the life we could have had, or what could have been. I don’t want you to mourn me and think about how it ended. Instead, I just really want you to remember me as who I was before that day. I want you to remember how amazing my cooking was in comparison to your terrible pizza ideas, even though I strongly suggested that pineapple does in fact, not belong on pizza. I want you to remember all the long trips we took at night because I couldn’t sleep because god damn, those shows really screwed me up. I want you to remember everything, all the laughs, all the fights, all the first memories that we shared together and how I made you feel. Even as time passes and your memories start to fade, I want you to remember how you felt. I want you to feel everything. I don’t want you to live your life half-heartedly and playing it safe. I want you to throw yourself in the deep end and experience everything you can, even if it’s heartbreaking all over again. I want you love again, and love her more then you ever loved me, and I want you to have kids because even though I would have been the better parent out of the two of us, you will be an extraordinary father.

I love you, forever, and always.

And surely enough, all of the items she listed were placed neatly in the box just like she had planned. I didn’t realise that I was crying until Grayson held my body upright so I didn’t fall onto the ground. My chest was heaving up and down with so much pain that in that moment, I wished I wasn’t breathing at all. But you were right, I couldn’t live my life like this. So for you, my Y/N, I will do as you asked. I will teach your little brother to shave because your father doesn’t really shave at all, and I will look after your mother like I promised you I would. I’ll live my life as if you never left, and I know a part of you will forever be within me, and no one can ever replace that.

I’ll live the life you never got to live.

anonymous asked:

I'm sorry if this question is triggering or anything, but I was wondering in what ways an autistic child could be bullied and manipulated by their parents or other important adults using their autism as a centre focus? For example, a young child with sensory issues that prevents him from tolerating liquids on his skin being forced kicking and screaming into the shower (the parents know that he doesn't like water) etc?

Hoo boy, this is a very personal subject for me. I grew up in an abusive family, and I have lots and lots of personal experiences I can share as examples. Obviously this is not even close to an exhaustive list, just some examples from my personal experiences.

Do be aware that this post will contain descriptions of emotional/verbal abuse and some physical abuse. If anyone is uncomfortable with this topic, feel free to skip the rest of the post.

First off, let’s take a moment and look at why autistic children get abused. In some cases, a parent would be abusive regardless of whether the child is autistic or not. In such cases, the parent has their own psychological issues that influence them. If you’re writing this type of abusive parent, it’s a good idea to delve into their backstory a little bit and decide what their reason is for being this way. Portraying them as “evil” without a reason isn’t accurate and can even be harmful for real-life victims of abuse whose situations are not so clearly black and white. There are many possible reasons someone might be abusive, including having been a victim of abuse in the past and certain psychological disorders which can cause some people to act abusively, such as narcissistic personality disorder - but this blog isn’t about those topics. If you are looking for resources for writing such characters, we recommend paying a visit to @scriptsocialwork and/or @scriptshrink.

Another type of abusive parent is abusive specifically because their child is autistic. They may not realize the child is autistic. They may believe the child’s behavior is due to environmental factors, or that the child is willfully difficult. They may think they can make their child less sensitive or more social - more “normal” - by forcing them to “face” the things that upset them. They might feel like a victim who has been cursed with a difficult child and lash out at that child, or they might feel they need to be a superparent who cures their child of their difficulties by force. They may believe they are doing the right thing with this abusive behavior. They may also be responding to pressure from teachers or other parents who think that the child’s “problems” are the result of the parenting style and push them to be stricter, etc. They may be praised by others for this abuse of their child. And then there is “therapy” where autistic people are abused by “experts” who think their autism can be cured.

It’s important to note that abuse does not have to be intentional. If the abuser doesn’t realize what they’re doing is wrong, or isn’t intending to hurt the victim, that doesn’t make it not abuse.

That said, let’s look at some specific ways autistic children can be abused by their parents. Sadly, these examples are far from rare, and in most cases, the parents even believe they are doing the right thing by hurting their child in this way. As a side note, while we like to push for positive representation of autistic people, this is a subject which is not often addressed, and having an autistic child living through abuse in a story could be a very helpful thing for the world to see and learn to understand, so that changes can be made.

Physical Abuse

All types of physical abuse that can be used on allistic children can be used on autistic children as well. If the child is particularly sensitive, the abuse can be even more harmful. This includes all types of hitting, spanking, and other physical attacks on the child. All of these methods have been proven to be detrimental to the mental health of a person as they grow up, and children who are physically abused (even just spanking) have been shown to have greater psychological problems later in life.

In addition to these “classic” methods of physical punishment, anything that involves the autistic person’s particular sensitivities can be abusive as well. The example given in the ask of a child being forced screaming into a shower is a good one. From my experience, I can also add:

  • Being forced to go swimming despite sensory issues with still water on the skin. I was forced to take swimming lessons at a summer camp despite the water on my skin causing me to panic, and was consistently reprimanded for “refusing” to pass the tests at the end of each level and remaining in shallow water at all times. 
  • I was also once, as a teenager, picked up and thrown into a natural pond by my father’s girlfriend. Everyone else was going swimming on this hot summer’s day, but I didn’t want to because, in addition to not liking swimming, I was having my period. I didn’t want to communicate that in front of everyone, so I tried politely declining. My father’s girlfriend, who was “fed up” with me refusing to participate in group activities, physically picked me up, fully clothed, and threw me screaming into the pond. Everything fell out of my pockets and sunk to the bottom, and the pad in my underwear was soaked through. I ran sobbing into the house while my dad’s girlfriend continued to shout after me that I was being ridiculous and rude to everyone.
  • Once, as a “punishment” for not taking part in a social activity (I was overloaded and went off on my own to read for a while in a quiet spot), my bed was sabotaged by my father and sisters. Everything metal in the room, including a set of metal dumbells and a guitar stand, was hidden underneath the blankets and pillow of my bed. When I jumped into bed (as I always did, onto my knees, something everyone in the family was aware of), I landed on metal. I hurt my knees quite badly, but was ignored when I asked for help. Afterwards, when I was limping for a few days, I was yelled at for “making a scene” and “trying to get attention”. (I still have issues with my knees.) After removing the objects from under the blanket, I threw myself down on the pillow, not realizing something was under that, too, and got quite a lump on my head.
  • I was once forced to eat food the taste and texture of which made me gag. My dad’s girlfriend had cooked a sort of strange pizza with unusual ingredients, and I couldn’t choke it down despite being desperately hungry. I tried to get up from the table and was shouted at, told that it was extremely rude to refuse to eat someone’s cooking, and that I was not to get up until my plate was clean. Everyone else quietly ate, finished, got up. My sisters went to play. My dad and his girlfriend went off to do whatever they did. I sat at the table crying for two hours, feeling bruised from the hard wooden chair, my stomach aching with hunger, but unable to eat the food. Eventually my father relented and allowed me to simply go to bed without eating rather than force-feeding me the “pizza”.
  • My mother and grandmother were obsessed with making me “ladylike” (I was widely regarded as a tomboy). Throughout my childhood, I was forced to wear my hair up in braids and ponytails, tightly pulled together with elastics or scrunchies. My scalp was particularly sensitive, and I could feel every hair being pulled out. I cried all the time and begged to be allowed to let my hair down, but was refused. My grandmother frequently insisted that “beauty hurts sometimes” and my mother told everyone that I was known to “make up” aches and pains for no real reason other than to get attention, encouraging everyone to ignore my tears. As soon as I was out of sight, I would always let my hair down. My scalp would hurt for hours afterwards, and then I had to endure being screamed at when I was found out.

Physical abuse can also involve meltdowns, which are often mistaken for tantrums by parents, and shutdowns, which are often mistaken for refusal to speak (the “silent treatment”).

  • I remember having a meltdown at the end of a camping trip with my dad, his girlfriend, and my sisters. The overload of an entire week without any time alone, sleeping on a hard surface, constantly bit by mosquitoes, eating food I didn’t like, and other sensory nightmares of the forest, had taken too much of a toll and I finally couldn’t stand it anymore. When I was ordered to help clean and pack the tent, my brain went SNAP and a meltdown started. All I remember is feeling a need to escape, to be somewhere quiet. I tried to run, and I was chased by an angry father and his girlfriend. I tried to hide in the backseat of the car, which was the only suitable hiding space I could find, and was grabbed by the ankles and ripped out of the car. They were screaming at me to calm down, holding onto my arms and legs with a much-too-strong grip while I thrashed around, unable to control my body, sobbing my eyes out. I was “in trouble” for weeks after that for “throwing a tantrum” instead of helping out like the others.
  • During shutdowns, when I typically go nonverbal and am unable to speak, I have frequently been grabbed, shaken, pushed, etc. as attempts to force me to speak while I “rudely” “refuse” to communicate.

These are just a few of the many examples of physical abuse from my childhood. There were also plenty of unpleasant situations that weren’t abuse - for example, when I had to put my shoes on quickly because we were late for something important, but I didn’t have time to straighten the seams on my socks, and my feet hurt all day as a result. I don’t really blame my parents for things like that. But when a child makes it clear that something is painful or very unpleasant for them, there is no reason to force them to endure it, and the parents insist on forcing them anyway, or use sensory overload or other such things as “punishments” for autistic behavior / failing to act allistic enough, then it is abuse.

Emotional and Verbal Abuse

Even more common is verbal and emotional abuse. All physical abuse is also emotional abuse, but there are many types of verbal/emotional abuse that often go unrecognized because so many people think of abuse as a physical thing. Emotional abuse of autistic people is very common, as many of our traits and behaviors are seen as “deviant” in some way, and it is a common cultural idea that deviant behavior, regardless of whether it hurts anyone, should be corrected or even punished. There are also many parents who feel entitled to a “normal” child and will blame an autistic child for making their lives more difficult. Then there are, as always, some parents who will be abusive regardless of what type of brain the child has.

While most of my physical abuse was at the hands of my father, his girlfriend, and my sisters, my mother was a neverending specter of verbal and emotional abuse. I should note that my mother has her own psychological issues and was equally abusive towards my allistic sisters, though they were far better equipped to deal with it than I was. Here are some real-life examples from my childhood.

  • It was made clear to me from a very young age that what I felt and what I wanted was not important, especially if what I wanted was different from the majority. If my mother wanted something and we didn’t give it to her / do it for her, we were being selfish. If we wanted something, we were being selfish. This was done both to my sisters and to me, but my sisters had the support of friends and teachers at school, who reassured them that it is normal to put yourself first sometimes and that it was not acceptable for a parent to treat their child this way. I did not have any friends and I didn’t know how to communicate my problems to my teachers (or even that I had a right to), so I had no support, and slowly developed a complex of believing I was a bad and selfish person. This led to a series of further abusive relationships later in my life, as I felt I had no right to refuse someone’s demands or stand up for myself. This was made worse by hyperempathy - whenever I felt I might have upset someone, hurt their feelings, or done anything they might find unpleasant, I suffered terribly, so controlling me was always as easy as warning me I would upset someone if I didn’t do exactly as I was told.
  • I always did my best to follow all rules and instructions exactly as they were explained to me, but often misunderstood because I didn’t catch the tone or implications of something. I was screamed at on a nearly daily basis for “refusing” to follow “simple directions”. I was constantly confused, constantly trying to do exactly what I was told, never understanding what I had done wrong. I learned not to trust my own instincts and to think of myself as inferior, stupid, lazy. There was a period of time I considered committing suicide in order to rid the world of my hideous presence, but (fortunately) I could never work up the nerve to do it because I didn’t actually want to die.
  • My sisters and I were all sent to a therapist after my parents’ divorce (when I was 5). I continued to see a therapist or counselor for many years after that, usually through the public school system. My mother frequently attended part of the sessions with me. Frequently, she would contradict me immediately after I spoke (or even interrupt) by claiming something was untrue, that I had made it up, that I had a history of doing that. You might think the therapists would believe their patient over their patient’s mother, but most of the time, they believed her. I was awkward and communicated strangely. I didn’t make eye contact, which they took as a sign that I was being dishonest. And my mother was good at playing the “loving and patient mother” around other people. She actively prevented me from being diagnosed with anything until I was 18, prevented me from getting any actual help, and prevented me from getting any accommodations, because she claimed I was being lazy and entitled.
  • She did the same thing with medical doctors. When I, at age 12, tried to talk to my pediatrician about sleep issues, she butted in and claimed that I slept fine (despite the fact I slept very little and was constantly tired). She did the same when I tried to talk to the doctor about depression and prevented the doctor from recommending a psychiatrist. When I was given medication (such as an asthma inhaler), she took it away and prevented me from using it. She claimed I was simply “being too sensitive” and needed to “toughen up” rather than relying on extra help, or, that old classic, that I was making it up for attention or “just being dramatic”.
  • Due to hyperempathy, I took the deaths of pets very badly. Having to look at or touch a dead animal could cause shutdowns, meltdowns, or panic attacks, as I automatically imagined how it would feel to be dead and was unable to handle the thought. My mother forced me to hold dead pets and bury them myself, then insisted I get another one. She always made me chose animals with short  lifespans so that I would have to face death repeatedly (this is by her own admission, as she proudly explained to me a few years ago - she thought she could make me stronger by forcing me to face death regularly).
  • When I was exhausted or overloaded, I was regularly forced into difficult situations, like going to a crowded shopping center or a party. I was not allowed to spend time alone. When I inevitably had a meltdown as a result, I was screamed at and punished for “throwing a tantrum” and embarrassing her in front of other people.

Again, this is a short list of examples from an entire childhood living with an abusive family. I could write a whole book about this, but this should be enough to get you started.

I am fortunate enough that I was never subjected to ABA therapy, and I was almost always verbal, so I never had to experience certain types of abuse firsthand (and can’t offer personal experiences as examples). We will have a post on ABA therapy soon where you can find more information.

If you decide to write a story with an autistic character who is abused, please do so with care. Rather than relying solely on the examples I’ve given, try looking for other sources. Please find at least one or two beta readers who are autistic and grew up in abusive households (sadly, they’re not that hard to find) so you can be absolutely sure you represent the experience fairly and accurately. All too often, it is seen as socially acceptable to abuse autistic children, because it is not seen as abuse: it is seen as a parent trying to teach a difficult child how to be normal. It does not work that way, and it causes a lifetime of psychological issues and trauma. Stories that show how wrong this is can be a big help in showing the general public that this behavior is not okay, does not work, and should be stopped.

And please, whenever you’re writing about topics like this, be sure to include content warnings somewhere.

Thanks, good luck, and happy writing!

-Mod Aira

earth au f*nnpoe where they live in the city (IDK WHERE YET ALRIGHT) n they’re jus tryin 2 figure out life Finn isn’t really sure what he wants to do career wise but he really likes painting and photography but he’s been in a creative rut for stuff he doesn’t want to talk abt *ooo* and he’s currently a dog walker and he rly loves that a lot n Poe wants to b a journalist but is strugglin w the fact his dad doesn’t rly support him cos he was gna b a pilot but he’s not gna join the military n they’re in love but like not together Finn has a hard time explaining his feelings n cos of past stuff he’s scared! N Poe doesn’t kno abt finn’s past a lot except he’s been through some stuff and doesn’t want to push him into anything but they’re always super affectionate n they’re working through it

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My Gay Kitchen: PALEO(ish) PIZZA

This was almost as big of a mess as my actual life :)

No Good, Very Bad Days

Warren x Reader x Alex

A/N: Self indulgent fluff for my favourite self indulgent ship and my main fave @kurtwxgners who had a bad day and deserves cuddles from our favourite boys

Your brain feels like it has melted and is about to come pouring out of your ears. Fumbling for your keys in the bottom of your bag, you slump against the wall next to your apartment door, doing your best not to think about the terrible, awful, no good, very bad day you just had. There had been no real coffee that morning, so you’d had to settle for decaf, nothing seemed to go right at work, everything felt hellishly stressful and all you really want to do is curl up in your cosiest pyjamas and stay in bed for the next hundred years or so. Finally locating your keys at the bottom of a pocket in your bag they definitely were not supposed to be in, you walk into your apartment and straight through to your bedroom to change out of your work clothes.

Pulling a sweater over your head (you’re not sure whether it’s Warren’s or Alex’s, and you really don’t care at the moment), you head out to the main living area where both boys are watching TV on the couch and flop down into an arm chair, curling up against the cushions. A couple seconds later, you hear the volume on the TV drop, and then Warren is scooping you up, lifting you gently out of your chair before carrying you over to the couch and settling you in his lap, rubbing soothing circles across your shoulders.

“Bad day?” Alex asks, voice gentle. You mumble incoherently, burying your face against Warren’s chest, too tired and brain dead to form a comprehensive reply, and Alex hums sympathetically, giving your hand a comforting squeeze before getting up from the couch. Warren presses a soft kiss to your temple, tucking you closer against him.

“You wanna talk about it or no?” He asks gently and you shake your head, leaning back into the circle of his arms.

“I just wanna eat dinner, watch some bad TV and go to bed early,” You mumble tiredly, and he just nods. You hear footsteps as Alex returns to the couch, sitting down beside Warren and slinging an arm around his shoulders.

“I put a frozen pizza in the oven. I figured you didn’t want to cook and none of us want to endure my terrible cooking, so we can eat pizza in front of the TV,” He suggests, reaching out to tilt your chin up so he can lean in and kiss you. “How does that sound?” He asks, thumb brushing softly across your cheek, and you smile gratefully up at him.

“That sounds perfect, baby.”

You and Carlisle on His Days Off; Drabble #2

Scenario: Carlisle cooking fancy meals for you, the air occupied with the smell of spices; you sitting on the counter watching him cook and listening to him talk, scrunching your face up when he dabs your nose with flour (WC: 452 words)

Based off this post. Also read: drabble #1, drabble #3

Warnings: Fluff, my dudes. A lot of fluff.

You smiled fondly from where you were perched on the counter, Carlisle’s sweet humming occupying the kitchen air along with the mouthwatering scent of herbs and spices. Your eyes followed the mastery motions of Carlisle’s hands as they spread sauce and grated cheese, the ease of his cooking process astonishing you.

“For someone who doesn’t eat, you sure do know how to cook,” you commented, noticing the halt of his humming and the soft laugh that took its place.

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