and my half rims

Fight For Me. (Part 1) ::Sami Zayn Mini-Series::

{Part 2} {Part 3}

Pairing: Reader x Sami Zayn

Word Count: 3,596

Warnings: Swearing.

Tagging: @ofgasolineandhurricanes @hardcorewwetrash@therattlesnakedaughter-devon @musicismylife120191 @wweslut@amaranthine-reign @squirrel666 @withwordslikeweapons @gelinas22@guatebabyxo @wweimagines-oneshots @shadow-of-wonder @lavitabella87@ilovesamizaynn @fearlessflawlessdior @alexahood21 @fan-fiction-galore@wwelover22 @lisa-likes-wrasslin @ambootyos @blondekel77@ilovesamizaynn @jesaigne @twiistedbliiss @alexispoo @iceninekiller-blog-blog

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The rest of my writing can be found here: Masterlist

Many thanks to @withwordslikeweapons for her support and encouragement with this piece. As the title might suggest, there will be a Part 2 to this and hopefully, a Part 3.

Originally posted by heyambrose

I was beginning to feel more and more like a fool as the minutes ticked by. At least I was tucked away in the hotel room with no one to witness my humiliation, as I waited for Sami to return from wherever the hell he was. My heels had already been abandoned on the floor and my eye make up was probably smudged by now, due to my attempts to keep my tears in check. Glancing at the clock again, I had to accept the inevitable. Sami had forgotten date night. Again. No one was a hour late to a date. 

I also knew exactly where he would be right now, pumping away at the gym again. I was half tempted to storm down there and have it out with him, but my humiliation prevented me from doing so. This last month and a half had been a struggle in terms of my relationship with Sami. And that struggle had one root cause, Braun Strowman.

Standing up from the bed, I made my way to the bathroom, not bothering to smooth the wrinkles from my dress. Looking at my reflection in the mirror, all I could see was an distinctly miserable looking woman. My eyes were red-rimmed, mascara slightly smudged and lipstick half missing, as I had been chewing my lips in worry, ever since I had begun to realise that my boyfriend was a no show tonight. I was torn between exploding with anger and crying. As there was no one to witness or feel my anger, I settled on the latter option, cradling my face in my hands as I burst into tears.

Thinking the situation over, it was distinctly unfair to lay the blame at Braun’s feet. It was Sami’s attitude towards Braun, that was at fault. It was Sami that was obsessed, letting Braun, or more specifically the need to beat Braun, invade his entire life. It wasn’t the first time I had witnessed this kind of behaviour from him. I had been there for the entirety of the Kevin debacle. At least that I had kind of understood. Kevin had not only been his friend, but our friend. The night of Kevin’s betrayal, a hurt Sami had been the one to hold me back, I had been so incensed by the whole thing. I still remembered how tightly he held me as I fought against his grip, his soothing, whispered words of comfort, as he tried to calm me down and keep me from getting myself fired.

Today though, today I just felt neglected and the truth was, this wasn’t an new feeling. I had been experiencing this for the last month or so, Sami hardly seeming to have time for me and by extension, our relationship. Sometimes in my darker moments, I wondered if his heart was even in it anymore.

Straightening myself from my hunched position, I let down my painstakingly curled hair from the half-updo I was currently sporting, throwing the grips down on the counter with such force, that they bounced and scattered. I reached for my make-up wipes next, scrunching the material tightly in my fist, before forcing myself to relax and begin to clean my face up.

Every waking moment seemed to about Braun for Sami. If he wasn’t at the gym prepping himself, he was hounding Foley for another opportunity at his nemesis. If that failed, he was tweeting about it. I had even spotted Stephanie giving me a sympathetic smile and she wasn’t that kind of person. I mean, for fuck’s sake, she was hardly Sami’s greatest fan and therefore by extension, not particularly fond of me either. And even she was noticing the state of our deteriorating relationship. The only one who seemed to remain completely clueless, was Sami himself.

I paused as I heard the hotel door open and shut, Sami coming into view moments later via the mirror’s reflection. He didn’t even look up as he passed by the open bathroom doorway, too busy muttering something under his breath.

“Y/N, why aren’t you cuddled up in bed?” I heard him call out only moments later. Infuriated by the complete innocence in his tone, the complete lack of knowledge of what he had done, I slammed the bathroom door shut, locking it behind me.There was a moment of silence as Sami eventually realised that something was wrong and I could hear him walk slowly over to the door in between us, knocking on the wood. 

“Y/N, sweetie. What’s wrong?” he questioned, concern evident in his voice. My fingers tightened momentarily on the edge of the sink, before deciding that actually, I was quite in the mood for an argument. I flung the door open widely, stunning Sami for a moment. I could see him take in my appearance, my face might now be devoid of make-up, my curls in disarray, but my favourite date night dress still clung to my body, clearly spelling out to him what it was that he had done. It was hard to miss the moment that he went white as a sheet.

“Why don’t you tell me, Sami? Why don’t you tell me exactly what’s wrong?” I fumed as he winced under my glare.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. Give me a minute and I’ll take you out. Or we could order in room service and watch your favourite mov…” he began to try and say, but I really wasn’t in the mood for his excuses. I had kept my mouth shut for long enough and now everything was coming to a head.

“Forget it. I’m not interested” I replied, stalking past him and out of the bathroom. He reached for me as I passed him, but I pulled away from his touch, seeing the hurt expression on his face from the corner of my eye.

“Y/N. I’m sorry. It was an accident. Please let me make it up to you. I promise…” he pleaded, but I cut him off once again.

“I’m not interested in apologies and promises, Sami. It’s not even about our date anymore, it’s everything about this relationship! This obsession with Braun has to stop!”

“What’s this got to with Braun? You’re not making any sense. I forgot one date, our relationship is fine” Sami protested. He ran his hand over his hair, sighing tiredly to himself. Almost as if having this conversation, was simply too exhausting for him. And with that simple gesture and without meaning to, he made me feel like nothing. And it greatly angered me.

“Three! You’ve missed three! But that’s not the point. And this has everything to do with Braun, because you make it so! You’re never here, it’s all about Braun, about defeating him. And you’re so tunnel blinded, you’re complete clueless as to how it’s taken over your life. It’s all you talk about, it’s all you work towards and I’m sick of it!” I yelled, all my emotions spiralling out of control. I saw the familiar look on his face, the same one Sami had whenever someone mentioned Braun’s name. That passionate, stubborn, prideful, defiant look. Except this time I was the direct recipient.

“What exactly is it you expect of me? To just lay down? Back down? Braun is a bully and someone needs to stand up to him. No one else is going to do it” Sami protested, talking with his hands as well, as he was prone to do.

“And you’re missing the point again! It’s not about Braun. I couldn’t care less about Braun, himself. I care that this bloody crusade you’re on, is causing you to neglect me. To neglect our relationship” I yelled back. Deep down, I knew it wasn’t a good idea to allow this conversation to escalate into an argument. I was too upset and Sami too much of a passionate person, for this to end well for either of us.

“I’m not neglecting you. I’m here aren’t I?  Just because not all my focus is on you right now, doesn’t mean I’m neglecting our relationship. I have other things in my life. I thought you of all people would have understood where I was coming from, stood by me. Don’t you believe in me?” Sami shouted back, as he too, began to get angry.

“I have stood by you! I have always stood by you! My point is you’re not standing by me. Too wrapped up in your problems..” I tried to explain, attempting to reign in my tone of voice, but not quite succeeding. 

“Oh, too wrapped up in my problems? I’m not the one acting selfishly right now. You are! You say you’re supporting me, by how? Yelling at me as soon as I enter through the door!” he roared, throwing his hands up into the air.

I deflated under his words, having heard enough angry sentiments for the night. If he couldn’t see what it was he was doing, then this was just an argument I was destined to lose. I blinked in his direction, shaking my head at him and his attitude. I reached for my Ugg boots, blindly pulling them on. I just had to get out of here before I completely broke down.

“Y/N, what are you doing? Fuck, don’t do this” he spoke up, his anger shifting to panic as he clocked my actions.

“I’m leaving. I can’t… won’t spend the night here” I answered as firmly as I could manage, reaching for the nearest hoodie and shrugging it on. I moved past him, picking up my mobile as I exited our hotel room. His hotel room. 

He didn’t even try anything further to stop me, just let me leave. He refused to look at me, one hand rubbing his face tiredly, the other hanging dejectedly by his side.I couldn’t tell if I was relieved or hurt that he hadn’t chased after me. After all, he was always fighting for everything, never once backing down. Yet he wouldn’t fight for me.

I wandered down the hall looking for a specific room number. If it wasn’t for the fact that I had left my purse behind, I would have gotten myself another room. Besides, my appearance left a lot to be desired at the moment and I was in no mood to face the receptionist. Lana would have been my first choice to go to, but it was late at night and she was rooming with Rusev. Instead I settled on TJ, who was my next best friend on the roster. I also knew, that he didn’t particularly have the healthiest sleep routine in the world and the odds were in my favour that he would still be up.I nibbled my bottom lip nervously as I knocked and waited. 

Sure enough TJ seemed to be up, taking little time to open the door, a pair of those glasses of his, perched on top of his head and the TV on quietly in the background. He looked rather aghast at my appearance, ushering me into his room quickly, seeming to check the hallway before closing the door behind me. I knew I must have looked a state to him, a fancy black dress, paired with Ugg boots and a oversized hoodie, not to mention how obviously upset my face looked.

TJ just looked at me sympathetically, already knowing what the problem was, seeing as I had confided in him beforehand. I awkwardly played with the zipper of the hoodie I was wearing, before finally realising the reason it was so big, was because it was Sami’s. It even smelt like him. Usually his scent comforted me, but after tonight it was the last straw and I suddenly burst into tears, for what felt like the hundredth time tonight.

My friend seemed noticeably alarmed, making short work of pulling me into his arms, hands rubbing soothingly over my back. He made no attempt to talk, just allowing me to shed my tears, no doubt creating a very damp spot on the shoulder of his t-shirt.

“He’s impossible. I love him so much, but he’s just impossible to deal with” I began to spill, knowing that TJ would understand. He always did.

“Where is he?” he murmured, continuing to try his best to calm me down.

“Back in our room. We had an argument and I told him was I leaving and he didn’t even…” I was interrupted as I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. Pulling it out I could see Sami’s name across the screen, the first couple of words of the text message on display.

From Sami:

I know you’re angry, but please just let me know that you have a safe place to stay tonight. I love you xxx

My face almost crumpled again at the written words, TJ recognising the signs, stood back next to me, rubbing my shoulder before stroking my hair soothingly.

“Tell him you’re safe. You can stay and take the spare bed” he offered, without me even having to ask the question that had been on the tip of my tongue. I smiled sadly at him, silently telling him that I appreciated his kindness. I had to steady myself before texting Sami back, my fingers too shaky. I told him that I was safe, but for some unknown reason I couldn’t bring myself to type that I loved him too and I ended up sending the message as it was, with just a few simple words.

I crawled into the bed dressed as I was, despite TJ’s offer of a shirt of his. I was grateful to be in his room, I didn’t want to be on my own, but I also didn’t want to talk. Luckily, he seemed to have understood, wishing me a good night with one last hug. He turned the TV off not much longer after that and climbed into his own bed. A change in his breathing let me know when he had fallen asleep, though it wasn’t as easy for me. I tried to keep my tossing and turning to a minimum, not wanting to wake him. Several times I checked my phone, though I didn’t know what I was expecting to see, the screen remaining stubbornly blank. Eventually, after a couple of hours, I dropped off, having tired myself out with all the possibilities running through my mind.

I awoke the next morning with tired eyes and a throbbing headache. In the background I could hear the sound of the shower running, TJ tellingly absent from his bed. I scribbled him a note on hotel stationery, thanking him for last night, before exiting the room, hoping to avoid running into anyone on the walk back to Sami’s room. 

My line of sight being obscured by Kevin Owens, informed me that this wasn’t going to happen. I stared grumpily up at him, watching the minute expressions change on his face, as he clocked my less than stellar appearance. He merely shook his head at me, surprisingly stepping out of my way, leaving me standing gormlessly in the hallway. 

Pulling myself together, I took the final steps to the hotel room, forced to knock when I realised I had left behind my door key in my haste to leave last night. For a moment I panicked as my wait was drawn out and I began to wonder if he was even there. Eventually though, Sami seemed to reach the door, looking as terrible as I felt. He was still wearing his gym clothes from last night, his eyes red rimmed and bloodshot. He said nothing, just shuffled backwards, giving me enough room to enter.

The silence engulfed us, neither of us knowing what to say, both of us shifting awkwardly. I might as well have been in the room with a total stranger. But Sami wasn’t a total stranger. He was the love of my life, I just wasn’t so certain that I recognised the man stood in front of me anymore.

“I’m …..” I began to say, before immediately trailing off, my words getting stuck in my throat. 

“Where did you go last night?” he asked softly.

“TJ’s” I admitted, despite knowing the trouble this would cause.

“Him?” Sami asked incredulously. “Him of all people? I’ve seen the way he looks at you Y/N! Why would you choose to… Christ!”. He ran his hand over his head, obviously frustrated.

“TJ is my friend. You know this Sami. We’re just friends. I slept in the spare bed, okay?”. I was angry at him for bringing this subject up again, but I also couldn’t deny the slight thrill that ran through me at his protectiveness, because that meant he still cared, didn’t it? 

TJ was a bit of a sore spot for Sami. He was usually well aware, that I made my own choices on who I was friends with, but he seemed adamant that TJ wanted more than friendship from me. Needless to say I thought he was bloody mad.

“And besides this isn’t about TJ!” I protested angrily, not wanting to be side-tracked from the real issue in play.

“Fuck. I know that! I just…. Fuck, I’m doing this all wrong. Look, it’s really not my intention to argue again” he said, rubbing tiredly at his temples. He was mere steps away from me, but the distance between us seemed so much wider. As he looked back up at me, I could see the troubled expression in his eyes, the mournful set to his face. I began to get a distinct sinking feeling in my stomach, like he was about to say something that I wasn’t going to like. Sami let out a deep sigh, as if all the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

“You’re obviously not very happy anymore, Y/N” he paused, obviously debating how to say what he wanted to say and my nervousness only increased. “I’ve been up all night thinking and… and I really think we should take a break”. 

I stood there momentarily stunned, before a turmoil of emotions confused me. I was upset, hurt. I felt as though I was being tossed aside, unwanted. Most of all though, I was just plain angry. Sami so willing to fight everything and everyone, but he wouldn’t fight for me.

“What the hell is a break going to solve?” I snapped, my expression grim, my eyes burning with unshed tears. I clung to my anger, afraid that otherwise I would just break down. 

“If we took a break, got some space between us, maybe we could work this out” he tried to explain. Sami didn’t look much better than I did, his fists clenched in frustration, sadness evident in his own eyes. He looked like a man who had lost everything, which only served to confuse me even more, in regards to his current suggestion of a break.

“So you’re basically giving up?” I asked, my anger fading, a more mournful quality to my voice.

“I’m not giving up. I’m just trying to help us both out” he stuttered and just like that my anger flared violently again and I ignored the fact that I had never heard Sami stutter before.

“Bullshit! You’re just trying to help yourself!”

“Y/N, please! That’s not true! I’m just trying to fix this. I don’t like seeing you so unhappy. I’m obviously not what you need at the moment. A break would…” He seemed increasingly distraught as he continued to explain his actions to me.

“I don’t want a break!” I yelled, my voice more shrill than I wanted. The other occupants of the floor probably could hear me, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. It felt as though my heart was breaking. I just had never expected that sweet, caring, kind Sami would be the one to do it. 

“Y/N..”. His voice was soft, a slight lost tone in his voice, but I could also tell that he was determined to carry through with his plan of action. Ashamed and devastated, I finally burst into tears. A pain-stricken expression crossed Sami’s face and he rushed to my side, moving to comfort me.

“Don’t touch me!” I ordered, trying my very best to ignore the way he recoiled from my sharp words. The way he looked, as if I had just slapped him in the face, when I chose to pull away from him. I brushed the tears from my face, attempting to regain some control over myself and stop the tears from coming.

“Fine, if you really think this is for the best, fine! But I’m not dragging out the inevitable with a so called temporary break. We’re over, Sami.” I told him, standing as tall and collected as I could, to show him that I was serious. My voice trembled slightly but I remained firm, blinking back further tears.

“Y/N, don’t! Don’t do something you’ll regret” he pleaded, moving to approach me once again. I let him hold my hand as I stared up into his eyes. I could see the conflicting emotions, the intense sadness and it only made me feel more guilty for what I was about to do. But I had to do it, I couldn’t handle being treated like an afterthought anymore. I couldn’t handle this Sami, who thought a break and basically avoiding each other was going to fix our relationship. This wasn’t the Sami I had fallen in love with.

“Sami, we’re over”.

All I Wanted; C.H. 21

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17, part 18, part 19, part 20

A few days had passed. Not many. Although, I’m not quite sure how much time had passed; I had thrown myself onto my schoolwork, leaving the internet and my phone aside. Meredith did ask a few times if I was feeling better and I lied – told her it was a simple bed bug that I needed to sweat out and I’d see her soon. I’m not sure if I were to hang out with them again; I was scared something might’ve leaked, or that I had to explain something – anything.

Of course I had taken the time to think everything over, convincing myself at first that I had overreacted; which, in a sense, indeed I did. But on the other hand, I don’t think any girl would appreciate being toyed with. And I think your reaction to something possibly life changing is a reflection of your emotions. So me reacting that way was an indication to myself.

I never thought I would ever admit it out loud, not even to myself, but there is no denying anymore. I had developed feelings for Calum which had come back to bite me in the ass. All the warning signs, alarm bells - read: Meredith - were there, but I simply chose to ignore them all. And now I had absolutely no idea what to do – to just let it go, to let him go or to let everything go.

So here I am, at one of the bars I completely despise because I can’t go where I want to anymore, all on my own. I wanted Meredith with me, I really did, because I used to always confide in her. This wasn’t about all I wanted anymore, it was about all that I did and the consequences it had carried along with my actions. My best friend didn’t even know what had crawled up my ass in the last few weeks – and I, well, I had done this to myself, after all.

“Another?” The older man asks as he pulls the empty beer glass from my hands, something that sounds like a growl but should’ve been a noise of agreement leaving my lips. I receive a pointed look; I am aware of that. But I can’t be bothered. “You know, Y/n, I don’t know you very well yet, but I’m fairly certain this isn’t you.”

“Oh, what made you think that? My never ending frown?” I laugh humourlessly. This older man, Paul, and I had spoken a few times when I was the only one in the bar. No, no. I wasn’t confiding in him either – but it was nice to talk to someone other than my parents even if he nagged me about the renovations of the back part of the bar that – in his opinion – took too damn long.

I try my best at a genuine smile when a new, filled glass is set in front of me and I’m quick to wrap my fingers around the wet glass. “You seem like a grumpy old man like this.” Luke’s voice startles me so much I always drop off of my seat, nails digging into the wood as I direct a glare at the blonde.

“Deep down inside that’s what I am.” I bark, crawling back properly on my bar seat, bringing the glass to my lips as Luke settles in the seat next to me. He doesn’t say anything else, and neither do I. But it nags at me. I like the silence when I’m surrounded by strangers - if you can call that silence – or when I’m alone. But knowing he’s here for one particular reason, one I don’t want to hear either, aggravates me. I sigh a few times, the volume of the breath escaping my lips increasing as time passes. “How did you find me?” I question eventually, glancing in his direction but facing straight ahead.

“Doesn’t matter. What have you been up to?” Luke motions to Paul for a beer and the man glances at me for a split second to see my initial reaction. I had never brought anyone here, I had never talked about anyone to him, I’m sure he’s quite bewildered as to why someone as handsome as Luke is dropping his scrawny ass beside me. And I wondered the same.

“Crying, sitting in the shower and eat my own weight in McDonald’s. Pretty productive.” I laugh humourlessly, but I know Luke is frowning. He doesn’t say anything to my statement though. I’m not sure if he is perplexed or he knows it’s best not to lecture me. I start to nervously tap against the wood of the bar as my other hand traces the rim of my half empty glass.

“One way or another you’ll have to explain this to Mer. And face Calum. Or are you planning on staying away completely?” Luke questions as he too focuses straight ahead, his own beer glass pressed against his lips. “I didn’t think of a game plan yet, to be honest. Other things have been occupying my mind.” I shrug nonchalantly. I had given it a thought, but I wasn’t ready to face the decision I had to make. I wasn’t quite certain what the right thing to do would be – yes, I did. Tell Meredith everything and eventually beg for her forgiveness – but anyhow, I was planning on taking my sweet time on deciding on which way I wanted to destroy the current life I was living.  

“Why are you even here?” It sounds like I suddenly realize he’s here, and I’m okay with him thinking that. Luke knew what was going on with Calum and I, but that didn’t mean that we had ever spoken more than a few words to one another. Luke didn’t seem like the guy I was going to have deep conversations with, so I usually stuck to Ash and Mikey. It seems as if Luke suddenly wants to become my knight in shining armour, something that had crossed my mind multiple times in the past weeks – mainly when he had seen Calum kiss me or me walking out of Calum’s room and he’d throw a wink in my direction. “I worried.”

“About me? Why would you?” For the first time since he entered I turn my head in his direction and grant him my full attention. I can’t help it; he has sparked my interest. I almost completely discard my drink and the soft radio tunes resonating from a speaker somewhere behind me on my right, eyes almost glued to Luke’s jaw.

“Not just you, Y/n. Calum has been my friend since we were four and shit he feels bad about this.” Luke groans, one of his hands rubbing over his stubbled chin. I think he realises that I’m not interested in hearing how Calum feels about this, because I have my own emotions to get in check. I don’t know why, but I feel the same burst of anger crawl on my back like a leech that Calum had erupted in me and I ball my hand into a small fist as I bark at Luke.

“Stop trying to convince me to talk to him.” Of course Calum would’ve sent one of his mates to do the dirty work for him. Sending Michael or Ashton wouldn’t have worked, and he knew that. I would rather listen to someone I barely know than to my own friends trying to suck me back in.  

“I am not. He doesn’t know that I was planning on talking to you. The others, including Meredith, may be blind but I am not. I’ve seen the way you look at him and even better - seen the way he has looked at you. I’ve known such intense longing as well and I am genuinely worried about your well-being, Y/n.”

This little speech of his seems heartfelt and somewhere in the beginning he has turned towards me, his blue eyes boring in to mine so I would pay attention and wouldn’t miss a thing he had to say. My heart flutters at the intentions of this man and if I weren’t so persistent on being a stoic bitch, I am certain I would’ve thrown myself against him and hugged him – something I had craved from someone other than my dad for days now.

“I’m fine. At least I will be. Give it time.” I feel a blush creep onto my cheeks, shaking my head slowly as I try to suppress my smile. It’s nice to feel loved and appreciated by someone you didn’t expect it from.

“Will you please hang out with us? I’ll promise you Calum won’t try to talk to you, I’ll make sure of it. We’re all missing our mate.” Luke smiles, probably hoping to have reached a break through. Sadly, a woman’s mind isn’t that simple to decipher. I can’t help but feel my stomach constrict at the thought of possibly seeing Calum; I want to avoid confrontation.

“Luke that isn’t a good idea… it would just be a thorn ripping my flesh open.” I shake my head violently, fingers tapping nervously along the by alcohol sticky wooden bar. I have so many of these little ticks, I’m starting to amaze myself. Maybe I should go for Guinness Book of World Records – how many ticks I can do under a minute.

“You’d make him crave you even more if you’d show him you’re perfectly fine without him.” Luke wiggles his eyebrows but he receives an eye roll in return.

“That’s absolutely what I live for. Taunting Calum when I’m desperate to drown memories of him in alcohol.” I laugh loudly, raising my glass once more. I finish the rest of my drink but keep my glass hoovering in the air as I turn towards Luke.
“So, you in?” I hadn’t even seen it, but I had heard it. Luke was smirking as his eyebrow raises in expectance of my answer. “Well?” He crosses his arms over his chest, tapping his foot impatiently. “Guess so.” I try to get the last droplets out of my glass – kind of to drink myself some courage – and slam the empty glass loudly on the counter top. “Well, let’s go.”

Quote of the day

Originally posted by jjungkook

Warnings: A late night book talk on Valentines Day can’t do any harm right? So let’s have a little fun. Rated V for very smutty.

“He was the kind of guy that made a woman want to rip his shirt open and watch the buttons scatter along with her inhibitions.” 

I gaze at Namjoon from the rim of my book. His face is half hidden behind the cover of Reflected in You, the sequel to the book I’m reading. It was a recommendation from him, as well as a Valentine Day’s present. I told him once somewhere last year that I was looking for something new to dive in, a different genre of text that can keep me engage for hours. So tonight, the day lovers celebrate their relationship, a book titled Bared to You wrapped in pretty pastel pink paper with little heart shaped patterns was given to me. I can’t quite figure out the purpose of giving me an erotic romance novel. Was it because I was lacking of romance in our sex life? Or because… Never mind.

The view of Namjoon immersing himself in the words written of the ivory pages, occasionally fixing his round glasses every time they slide off the bridge of his nose is unexpectedly amusing. It’s hard to deny that the content of the book is heating my body up, with the addition of Namjoon’s existence. My mind is so keen on imagining him as Gideon and me as Eva that my temperature is rising to match the burning fireplace. He suddenly glare at me. I can feel my heart bounces off my chest.

“What’s wrong? Do you not like the book?” He puts the book on his lap.

“No… It’s not that…” I mumble with the embarrassment of being caught red handed. “There are just a lot in here that I want to share with you.”

Namjoon tilts his head at my excuse. “Like a book talk?”

“Yeah… I want to hear about your book, too.”

He seems thrilled of the idea and immediately jumps into the interrogation. “So which is your favorite part so far?”

“Well this part…” I clear my throat. “Chicks before dicks, and all that.”

He bursts out laughing, stirring up the subtle air around us. His laugh makes me laugh too. It has always been contagious ever since I’ve known Kim Namjoon. But the irony is now, we are laughing over such dirty jokes instead of some late night talk show.

“Great taste.” He compliments.

“Well it’s very well written.” I shrug, acting all cool and confident with the ignorance of the thousand other parts that blush my two cheekbones. “Your turn.”

Namjoon’s flips through the pages. He examines every single detail carefully, struggling to decide which one he would like to share. I wonder what his criteria are, since the way his brain processes never fail to exceed my expectation. He somehow manages to make the sandy sound of paper rubbing into each other calm and collected. It doesn’t sound like he’s rushing, but enjoying the fresh scent of a brand new book.

“I want you too much. I want you with me, in my life, in my bed. If I can have that, nothing else matters.” The words coming out of his mouth lightens my heart. The sentence sounds so simple, yet it creates so many different layers of feeling that I can never peel off to the end. He looks at me dearly, squeezing my tiny feet tighter between his feet. His smoky silver hair appears to be fluffier once it’s dry. With his black long sleeves hanging loosing on his shoulders, flaunting the depth of his collarbones, Namjoon himself is truly aesthetic.

“That’s romantic.” I smile softly.

“And very idealistic.” He adds.

“Do they have sex after he says that?” My body leans forward.

“Finish the first book then read this to find out.” His eyes widen looking at the book on my lap. “I don’t want to spoil you with any juicy stuffs.”

I pout, crawling towards him. “Why not?” Swiftly like a cat, I find myself on top of him. It must be because of the book that I recklessly start this whole situation. My hand goes on his dick, takes it into my hand and rubs up and down gently. “What do they do next?”

Namjoon lies back on the couch, dropping his book on the floor. “If she keeps provoking him, she may regret it later.” I can tell by the look on his face that he is suffocating because of my hand. So free the beast inside him and let me write the next chapters of this novel.

“He would be surprise if he knew how wet she was.” I whisper into his ear, unleashing something that once it’s out, it can’t be tamed. He sits up, making me fall backwards down on the couch and now our position is switched. His hands grab on my shorts and pull them down. He traces his fingers on my high socks up to my rosy pink panties, all were bought by him from my last birthday. Thongs and see through fish net high thighs were never his interest. But when I put on things that he bought: mostly cute pastel panties and white knitted or kitten high socks, his orgasm flies out of the roof.

“Look at daddy’s little girl!” Namjoon strokes my hair then sends his hand down to squeeze my ass. I yelp, a normal reaction of being surprise, but a taboo when we’re having sex. He spanks my ass, making me squirm under the umbrella of his body. The throb still feels so real even when his hand has left. “Did I allow you to speak?” Another smack lands on his butt cheek, this time even harder. He spreads my legs, noticing a darker and damper spot between my thighs as it slowly expand its territory. The way he looks at me stuffs more embarrassment into me, knowing that I’m wetting on his favorite panties. I would be more than lucky if tonight we only stop at spanking.

Namjoon slaps my ass again, multiple times in a row. Rather than pain, the wet spot between my thighs keep spreading wider. The cycle of breaking the rules and receiving punishments seems to be endless for me. He turns my body around and places his hands on my neck. They start pressing down onto the couch. The pressure of his strength and my muscles encounters, blocking the pathway of my breath. My body starts to numb from the tip of my toes and fingers. I trade my ability to feel for this strange sensuality. His image becomes foggy in front of my eyes as they struggle to open. I grab tightly on his wrists, trying to get rid of this compressed air that is choking my lungs. Just when I think everything’s over, he releases me. The pain on my neck leaves marks of his fingers and the natural redness of the skin when being pressed for too long. I gag out the toxic is my throat as I realize the disappearance of the sensuality from earlier.

Namjoon pulls me up from my wrists and pin the on my back. He slams my body into the wall so that my cheek sticks on the cold bricks. His hand releases my wrists but quickly grips on my hair. He yanks my head backwards, putting my face up to the sky. My back makes a letter C with my ass heading towards him. He uses the other hand to pull down my panties as well as his own bottoms. Slowly, his dick was penetrated in me from behind. The faster he thrusts into me, the tighter he holds on to my hair. I drips more than I usually do. Namjoon keeps on grinding into me with anything but mercy. Drops of sweat tickles my skin as my nails dig into the wall.

“Scream for me baby girl. Let me know how good you’re feeling.” He clenches his teeth.

“Ah…” I breathe. “Daddy…” Now that he lets me talk, I find myself lack of words to describe my emotions. I scream, from the top of my lungs, so that even though I can’t speak he still knows how pleasurable it is to have him inside me. Juice starts to drip from my core to the sides of my thighs, gradually come down to wet my socks. It takes him a short while to shoot his cum inside me. He feels warm inside my tensed pelvis and trembling core. The sound of his dick as it comes out of my core tells me how wet be both are. I flop down, sitting on my sore ass as I let my feet shudder without control. Namjoon sits down beside me. Placing my head on his chest, he embraces me passionately. My eyes close. I drift away into the endless happiness of a happy ending story.

Thank you for the inspiration @khoifeesh and @malef-minhan~ Happy Valentines Day to you all! I love you~

Dear October,

I’m welcoming you with open arms. I bid farewell to September already, and I’m now anticipating for whatever you may bring. Tell me you’re going to give me much more than what September did. Settle softly next to me and offer your delicate hands. Tenderly whisper kindness and bravery to my ears. September was a rush of half-fullfilled promises and shadow-rimmed emotions. Bring me to somewhere new, but I don’t mind a trip to nostalgia every now and then. Don’t stagnate me just like September did. Show me the world resting on your palms. Breathe life into me. Be gentle with my heart and soul. Let me fall into your cool touch, your gentle vibrancy, and your soothing spectrum of colors. Do be kind, October.

Part one of my destiel Pacific Rim au because half way through watching the movie for the first time I decided this needed to exist

“Four points to zero.”

A loud sigh passed Dean’s lips as he pushed off of his opponent, the scrawny boy scrambling away from him and fleeing into the line of other men waiting to see if they were drift compatible with the esteemed pilot. Dean was growing sick of this, having to take down opponent after opponent while making no progress towards finding a worthy co-pilot. An hour had painstakingly slipped by, and not only was Dean growing frustrated, he was growing bored.

“Come on, Marshal Harvelle. Is all of this really necessary?” Dean asked with a groan as he turned to the woman watching the matches with arms tightly crossed and a disapproving frown pulling at her lips. Dean was pretty sure she was becoming just as frustrated and bored as he was. “Sammy should be good as new soon enough, why waste time trying to pair me up with one of these idiots?”

The older woman’s eyes narrowed as she squared her shoulders. “The doctors say your brother’s injury will take months to heal, and, as much as I hate to admit it, you’re too damn valuable to be on leave for that long. You will do as I say and you will find a new co-pilot for the time being. I’ll hear nothing more about it. Is that clear, Winchester?”

“Crystal,” Dean grumbled as he turned back to the line of candidates.

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