okay so where do I begin…WOW.
okay so… on Monday October 3rd at 10:25pm, I was sitting on my phone in my room listening to holy ground and I was on twitter and BOOM. “TAYLOR NATION SENT YOU A DIRECT MESSAGE” I STARTED SHAKING AND CRYING WHEN I READ THE CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE I WAS SO CONFUSED BECAUSE THEY DONT EVEN FOLLOW ME (yes I’m still trying to work out technology ok) AND I FLIPPED OUT AND I RAN INTO MY MOMS ROOM SOBBING AND I TRIPPED OVER THE HOOVER BUT ITS OKAY. MY MOM WAS SAYING ALL SORTS OF THINGS LIKE SOMEONE MAY HAVE HACKED INTO TAYLOR NATIONS ACCOUNT (?????? idk). Anyway I died and my mind was a mess and I couldn’t control myself at all, I had knew what it usually meant when people got these messages and I explained everything to my mom ( she is genuinely worst-case-scenario-Christine ) and she started crying with happiness for me. THAT DAY WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED.
The next day October 4th at 5:27pm, I was (trying) to study when BOOM. I RECEIVED THE CALL. Ali phoned and told me about a special secret event on Friday the 13th of October and I was shaking so so much and could barely even talk but she was honestly the nicest ever (I noticed she said “wonderful” about a million times and I’m now so in love with that word). Side note: My mom still wasn’t really convinced this wasn’t a set up to get me kid napped but SHE FINALLY CALMED DOWN A LITTLE AND MEANWHILE I WAS SHAKING, CRYING AND BASICALLY DEAD.
Okay so then it was the waiting game…the days DRAGGED in as I found out a whole 10 DAYS before the event and I saw Taylor lurk people on tumblr/Instagram AND she liked the post about me and my best friend Eve. PEOPLE WERE ALSO TALKING ABOUT WHAT COULD HAPPEN ON THE 13TH AND I WAS JUST SITTING THERE LIKE HELP ME WHATS GON HAPPEN.
Fast forward to Friday…so because I live in Glasgow I had to fly to London… I COULDNT SLEEP AT ALL AND I ONLY GOT 4 HOURS SLEEP LOL BECAUSE I GOT UP AT 4AM. We went to the airport and I was genuinely so nervous and excited about what could possibly be happening. We then got a bus and then a tube and wandered about Covent Garden and EVERYTHING kept reminding me of Taylor. We then got a tube and another bus ( NUMBER 13 ) to our hotel. I got really stressed out because I opened up my case and there was makeup spilt on my dress BUT MY MOM CAME TO THE RESCUE AND FIXED IT FOR ME. I curled my hair and fixed myself up then I went to out to the secret meeting point and recognized so many people from tumblr/twitter etc and it was SO surreal. ALSO A FEW PEOPLE CAME UP TO ME AND WERE LIKE OMG ABBIE I KNOW YOU AND THAT MADE ME FEEL SO SO SPECIAL SO I LOVE YOU FOR THAT IF THAT WAS YOU. We checked in and got really cool wristbands saying United Kingdom (IN THE REPUTATION FONT) I WAS ALREADY DEAD.
We went to drop off our bags and me and I met 2 beautiful, amazing girls called Emma ( @taylorsmusic ) and Flora ( @spoookyswift ) and we were FREAKING OUT TOGETHER. We just couldn’t comprehend that we could potentially meet our idol. We talked about everything and I genuinely think I have 2 new best friends for life. I LOVE YOU GUYS. We were on the last bus to leave so we waited foreverrrr and my nerves were building up so much and I was FULL ON ALL OVER SHOOK.
Everyone on the bus was SO EXCITED and we were all dying together. It was such a combination of nerves and excitement like I can’t even describe it. So we FINALLY arrived at our secret destination and were escorted to the entrance to be searched etc (there was a big box of socks for some reason and it made us laugh so just thought I’d add that in and also a few half finished smart water bottles👀).
Okay so then we went through to TAYLORS HOUSE. It was beautiful and there was so much food laid out and I had a REPUTATION COOKIE and CUSTOMIZED REPUTATION M&MS and CHICKEN TENDERS. Taylors playlist of the songs she loves was playing in the background and we were LOVING LIFE. (Side note: my mom loved the olives you put out taylor so thanks for that) So basically me, Emma and Flora were chilling together (we were not chill at all tho) and everything was fine THEN Flora goes “oh my god, that’s Scott” AND IM LIKE WTF AND WE ALL LOOK OVER AND DIE LIKE WHAT WAS HAPPENING BEFORE OUR VERY EYES THE KING OF GUITAR PICS WAS HERE. We went and spoke to more amazing people and life was good…THEN TREE COMES THROUGH AND IM LIKE WHATATSTSS THATS A LEGEND THEN NOT LONG AFTER THAT WE SEE ANDREA AND WE ALL DIED. I CRIED WHEN I SEEN ANDREA IDK WHY IT JUST GOT TOO MUCH AND SHES MY QUEEN. IT GENUINELY FELT LIKE A DREAM LIKE SURELY THIS WAS NOT REAL.
Finally, after a while, we went through to THE LIVING ROOM. YES. A CHAIR. A SPEAKER. WE ALL KNEW WHAT THIS WAS. ME, EMMA AND FLORA HAD A LITTLE SUPPORT NETWORK GOING ON BECAUSE WE WERE ALL HOLDING HANDS BECAUSE WE WERE NOT PREPARED AT ALL. I cried - yeah she wasn’t even here yet and I cried. So anyway THEN I’m like I can’t even do this and my heart is beating abnormally fast. And that’s when she appeared…
I COULDNT BELIEVE MY EYES. MY ANGEL. MY EVERYTHING. GENUINELY LIKE A METER AWAY. NO WAY. Okay so then I SOBBED even more and I was uncontrollable (I finally did calm down but omg it was so hard I couldn’t stop crying) - thank you Emma and Flora for helping me LOL. Side note: her hair was so curly and pretty and she wore this camo dress thing and SNAKE BOOOOOOTS and a snake ring and yeah I was like GO GURLLL. IN THAT MOMENT I DIED IT WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING.
On to the album, obviously you guys understand I can’t say much at all BUT REPUTATION IS MY FAVOURITE ALBUM BY FARRRRR. Like it’s genuinely so different but so genius - it’s incredible. She’s so talented and you can tell she’s worked so super hard for it and I can tell she’s happier than ever through the way she talks and she just seems so content with life and it makes me so proud and happy of how far she’s came. It’s so emotionally complex and THE LYRICS (she’s a genius okay). But there was one song that made me full on SOB and everyone in that room felt something…ANYWAY Taylor herself, during the whole of the session, she was so funny and she’s just so genuine…it was unreal. UNREAL. Some highlights that stand out to me include when during one of the songs she looked right at me for about 20 seconds or so and we just danced and smiled at each other. IVE NEVER FELT SO LOVED IN MY LIFE. To say I’m proud of her for this album is an understatement.
okay so then….IT WAS MEET AND GREET TIME. We were all sitting reading the magazines and talking to each other and it was adorable and even though I was a nervous wreck, everyone was so nice and amazing towards me. When it was time for the picture I was at the waiting point I can’t tell you how I felt. It was indescribable. I seen the 2 girls before me hug Taylor goodbye and it was my turn. I ran up to her and hugged her so hard and she looked at me and went “ITS ABBIE ISNT IT?” AND I WAS NODDING AND I WAS LIKE YEAH ITS ME and she was like “NO WAY I CHOSE YOU LIKE A YEAH AGO LIKE SOOOO LONG AGO” and I was like NO WAY and then I was like “THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING YOUVE HELPED ME THROUGH, YOU’VE HONESTLY GOT ME THROUGH SO MUCH” and she was listening so intently and she smiled at me and hugged me and we held hands for a few seconds which was BEAUTIFUL and she was like “you are SO beautiful like SO beautiful and you are SO funny like you’re posts are hilarious” and I started shaking and I told her she was like a big sister to me and then we got a really cute huggy picture and then we got one with my mom which was cute and THEN (THIS WAS THE FUNNIEST MOMENT) the camera guy said to my mom “do you want a pic alone with her” and my mom was like “oh it’s okay I’m just her mom” and TAYLOR WAS LIKE" OH WELL THANKS" IT WAS SO FUNNY. THEN I told her I loved her and she was like I LOVE YOU BUDDY and I gave her one final hug before I left which was MAGICAL (I swear we hugged about 27468273 times).
As soon as I left the room, I BURST INTO TEARS I COULDN’T BELIEVE I HAD JUST MET MY IDOL AFTER LIKE 6 YEARS OF LOVING HER AND FANGIRLING OVER HER. My mom went to talk to mama swift and she said to her “thank you so much for making a beautiful, amazing role model for my daughter” and mama swift was like AWWW THANK YOU SO MUCH THEN MY MOM GAVE HER A HUG AND THEN I GAVE HER A HUGE HUG AND MAMA SWIFT WAS LIKE THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING HER AND DOING THE CRAZY THINGS SHE MAKES YOU DO AND I CRIED MORE.
WE THEN WENT TO GET OUR MERCH AND GET ON THE BUS AND I WAS GENUINELY STARSTRUCK AND ME AND EMMA JUST KEPT LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AND BEING LIKE DID THAT REALLY JUST HAPPEN?!?!?!
Thank you so so so much for inviting me to your London Secret Session - it was an HONOR to be there. I can’t believe I was given such a beautiful, amazing opportunity and I meant everything I said to you in there and it truly came from the heart. I love you so much and I can’t wait to hopefully see you on tour. You mean the world to me and I can’t wait to hear reputation again and DIE ANOTHER MILLION DEATHS.
I love you so much girl.
My loves, as much as I enjoy my regular visits at expensive spas, every now and then come these moments when nothing seems more appealing than a warm bath at home.
The past couple of days have really taken a toll on me psychologically and there’s nothing that can relax me more than spoiling myself a bit. Tomorrow morning I’m leaving fo a 3-day trip so I thought it was a great opportunity to pamper myself while preparing for this mini autumn vacation.
Tonight I’m sharing with you my super extra pampering routine (cause I’m a queen like that 👸🏼💁🏼💋)
Dry brushing is a crucial step at my every day body care and I rarely omit it. Not only does it exfoliate the skin, turning it baby soft, it also boosts blood and lymph circulation, thus aiding in the natural process of detox and fighting cellulite! Use upward motions towards your heart ❤️
After that I hope straight in the shower. First I take care of my hair, currently I’m using the new kerastase aura botanica line. I really enjoy the shampoo and the hair oil, the conditioner though isn’t sufficiently hydrating and the Essence d’Eclat is a complete waste of money! The whole line though smells really good, to me it smells exactly like the nestea peach iced tea, fresh, fruity, and just sweet enough. I find that it subtly and pleasantly lingers on the hair for quite a few days. After I shampoo I combine a fair amount of conditioner and two pumps of the hair oil in the palms of my hands and I apply the mixture from the middle down focusing on my ends. I pull my hair in a bun.
At this point I’ll clean my face. I use a balm or oil ( grapeseed oil is great for acne prone skin and the darphin rosewood cleansing balm is one of my top choices as well) to remove any makeup or impurities from the day. Then if I need to I’ll use a face scrub. (Please do not use baking soda to exfoliate your skin!!)
I begin filling the tub. I sprinkle ¼ of a cup baking soda and half a cup Himalayan pink salt while the water’s still running. Once the tub is full I pour 1 cup raw apple cider vinegar, one bottle of milk and top the bath off with fresh rose petals and bougainvillea flowers. (What I had in hand today 🌹🌸)
The baking soda and the salts help detox your body, the vinegar balances the pH levels, the lactose in the milk gently exfoliates revealing healthy, glowing skin ✨and the flowers heal the soul.
I love lighting a few candles. I find the dim light they provide extremely comforting and I truly enjoy a beautiful scent!
I lay in the warm water for a good twenty minutes, in the meantime I like to use a face mask. Tonight I combined raw honey, tomato paste and turmeric. Honey and turmeric are ingredients I love and use regularly on my skin, honey softens and acts as a humectant, hydrating the skin, plus it has antibacterial properties. Turmeric is anti-inflammatory and helps achieve a healthier, more even pigmented complexion. Finally the tomato paste is just so much more practical than fresh tomatoes! The AHA’s naturally present in tomatoes help gently exfoliate and reveal glowy, even-toned skin.
Regular scrubbing is also essential to my body care routine! It promotes even toned skin, helps fade marks and scars, gives healthy, baby soft skin and ensures a close shave. For a wintertime bodycare treat I like to combine equal parts of chocolate flavored coffee and sugar and mix everything with enough almond oil to create a nice consistency. I like to top everything off with a few spoonfuls raw cacao and some vanilla extract to make it extra special! The caffeine tones and firms the skin and helps conceal cellulite, the oil lightly moisturizes and provides a cushion against the razor blades, the cacao is full of nutrients and minerals plus it enhances the chocolate aroma and finally, vanilla is an antidepressant and aphrodisiac 😉.
After I scrub myself for a few minutes I rinse the granules with warm water but do not wash off the oil. The oil moisturizes and gives the necessary slip for a gentle, close shave! I find that it works much better than any cream/gel I’ve tried.
Once I’m done shaving I use a wooden foot file to maintain my pedicure and proceed to rinse off the mask (if I haven’t already done that) and my hair.
Finally I use the John Masters Organics blood orange body wash. It’s gentle and natural yet effective and it smells delicious 😋
Before I towel dry my body, and while I’m still in the shower, I use coconut oil all over. Except from deeply moisturizing, it has antibacterial properties that keep body breakouts at bay!
Once I’m dry I’ll proceed normally with the rest of my skincare routine! I also like to apply aloe Vera gel at my bikini line to prevent razor irritations. To ensure ultra soft skin I apply a body cream ( I LOVE the Kiehl’s mom and baby moisturizer) and a foot and hand cream. I’ll cover my feet in gel-lined socks and use cuticle oil around my nails.
That was it babes! Remember to always take some extra time for yourself ❤️👸🏼
Free Styling 101: Unexpected Suggestions for Where You Should Go and How You Should Dress if You’ve Never Free Styled Before
We’ve done it, best friend. We have agreed that free styling is the way to go. But if you are anything like me, you’ve known that there was a good argument to free style. You’ve read the posts that say to put on the best clothes you have and to just go out there and do it. Men will knock you over if you just dress up and go to the best bar in town. If you’re anything like me, you read each of those posts and then hopped right back on SA after rolling your eyes. Go free style they say. But there has to be so much more to it right?
There isn’t. Now, wait a minute. Don’t roll your eyes at me. I don’t like those posts that feel like they’re just trying to throw us to the wolves, but there are some things that they got right. The most important one?
To learn how to do anything, you’ve got to get out there and do it.
Duh. Simple but challenging advice. I’m going to suggest that you free style in a new way. But before we address the new way of doing things, let’s address the problem. Why don’t we free style?
I think the problem can be answered with one simple phrase: fear of the unknown. That’s silly. One of two things will happen. You’ll meet someone and exchange numbers or you won’t. But let’s get specific. I think we always wonder where we should go, what we should wear, and how we should act.
Where should you go the first time you free style? Some place you’re already familiar with.
Go where you’re comfortable. I don’t care if it’s a local dive bar or college hang out or it’s TGIFridays. Actually, I’d love it if you did go to the TGIFridays in the sort of suburban kind of affluent part of your city. The most interesting people hang out there.
Why should you go to a familiar place? Because then you won’t have to stress about what to wear, who will be there, what you should order, how you should behave. You’ve been to this place dozens of times. There’s nothing to think about. Nothing to be nervous about. You can go in with confidence.
What should you wear? Well, that’s the beauty of starting in your comfort zone.
What do you usually wear to this place? I don’t care what you wear as long as it’s not ratty sweats and a tee, but even that’s a lie. You can make ratty sweats and a tee super cute with the right accessories. At least, that’s what I tell myself when I leave the house in them. The most important things are your hair and makeup. But Shea, I’m not good at doing my hair or makeup, you say. Well, best friend, that’s why the ancestors helped us create YouTube. The trick is to master the basics. Learn how to apply foundation, put on blush, and maybe some lipstick if you’re feeling fancy. Learn a 20-minute hairstyle that you can’t possibly mess up. The less you do, the less likely you are to look crazy.
Unless he’s chocolate wasted or belligerent, you talk to him. He’ll say something to start the conversation. You’ll say something back to keep it going (can’t think of anything to say? check this out) and a conversation will begin. Do you need to be attracted to him? Does he need to be rich? Does he need to be SD potential? No. No. And no. This is target practice best friend. We are not at all invested in whether you meet your SD in a dive bar. In fact, we are already positive that it won’t happen. The point is to sharpen your skills, to get you used to going out with the sole intention of attracting and maintaining the attention of men for as long as you desire. If he approaches, talk to him. You’ll find out what he does for a living. He’ll discover the same about you. Blahblahblah. You get ready to leave. You give the man your sugar phone number.
Then you text him. For a week. Some of you have started pouting. Best friend, I’m sorry. I know some Tumblr blog told you that you’re supposed to be making money on every date you go on every single time you leave your house. I used to think that too, pumpkin. I want you to leave that idea alone. I want you to remember that you’ve had training for every job you’ve ever done and it’s the reason why you could do that job with confidence. This is training. You have one week to get this man to ask you to dinner at a restaurant that you find acceptable given his income (which you should have googled. He did give you his occupation). If you can’t accomplish that, dump him and get back in the bars and find another victim to practice on. If he does agree to dinner in an appropriate location, remember that post on figuring out if he’s cheap? Time to practice that too. At the end of the date, you should know if he’s a cheap or not.
What do you do with them when the date is over? That’s up to you. If you like him but still want to sugar you have two options. Keep dating him but don’t let it get so pressing that you lose sight of your sugaring goals. Or you can dump him and move on to the next victim (if you get caught up in love and relationships and feelings easily then this is how you want to go). Tell him you had an amazing time but you don’t think the two of you are the best fit for each other. Done. On to the next.
What do you do if no one approaches you?
This may happen. The first time I free styled I sat at the bar and realized it was couples night. Great. I had two options. I could wallow in my sorrows, and my gin and tonic or I could pick my ass up and go somewhere else. I chose option two and met a very nice man whose family owned a local snack company. But there’s a chance that you’ll go to location two and no one will talk to you there either. There’s a chance. So you go home, and you restrategize. You figure out if it was you. Were you on your phone all night avoiding eye contact? Did you make eye contact and then quickly drop it thinking this made you look coy and cute (it doesn’t. if you make eye contact hold it for at least five seconds before looking away)? You figure out if it was the location or just an off night. These will happen. You’ll have a lot of them. I hope you have a lot of them. They will be how you learn. They will show you how badly you want this life or if you want it at all. I hope no one approaches you at first. If you give up at the first obstacle, you don’t deserve to win. It sounds mean, best friend, I know. But failure has been my best teacher. It has shown me what I really want and what I really like to talk about. Besides, this is just training remember? We didn’t expect to meet our future SD in TGIFridays.
Best friend, what do you think? Is this a free styling plan that you can get behind until you build your confidence or have I lost my natural mind? Tell me your thoughts and your plans. Let’s talk!
i quit sephora and now i feel much more comfortable being able to talk about my issues with makeup culture as it has evolved, so here’s a bit of a venting session from me! wall of text ahead!
to start: i think makeup is great, it’s incredibly fun, and i will alway stand by it as an invaluable method of immediate and non-permanent self-modification. it can help a lot of people with self expression and (mostly gender) presentation, and the fact that there are so many people who feel truer to their internal selves with the help of makeup is wonderful.
BUT, that said, makeup culture itself is awful. i was in cosmetic sales for about 3 years, i’ve been an avid makeup enthusiast for a good decade, and it disheartens me the way people come to view themselves because of makeup culture. before i worked at sephora i was much more optimistic about makeup, and y’all would see me go blue in the face defending it– working in cosmetics shed a LOT of light on the things i would prefer to ignore.
request: (thanks! @incoherent-smiles ) hi! I saw that you’re taking requests and I’d love to make one! How about a Pietro x Reader, they get into a fight because he sees somebody flirting with Reader (Tony, maybe?).Full of angst, ending in Pietro teaching reader a smutty ‘lesson’ (if you know what I mean ;) ) also, DADDY!PIETRO. pretty sure he has a daddy kink
a/n: hi guysss! my drabbles and one shots have gotten quite a bit of attention and I’m so thankful! I couldn’t keep a smile off of my face. Please know that requests ARE open and that I’m pretty much willing to write anything! thank you all again :)
warnings: there’s some language, some drinking, and some sexy time! nothing too bad, but it is definitely smutty. bare with me, smut isn’t my strongest point! sorry if that isn’t your taste. more fluff to come! xoxo *not my gif*
As I’m sure many of you are aware, I moved into my own house at the start of the year. Obviously I was excited for a whole multitude of reasons (like having my own mortgage… yay… adulting) but one of the biggest was having the freedom to crossdress whenever I like.
Originally, I thought this would simply mean that I wouldn’t have to worry about when I would have a free house and I wouldn’t need to plan my crossdressing photoshoots around whether someone else would be home or not (a lot of photoshoots had to be cancelled because of family members not leaving when they were supposed to…). It wasn’t that I would crossdress more often, just that I wouldn’t need to hide when doing it.
However, over the last week, I’ve been breaking one of my cardinal rules.
I’ve been crossdressing without makeup.
Fuck me, I didn’t even wear a wig.
I’m very much a go hard or go home kind of girl; I’ve always said that I wouldn’t see a point in crossdressing without doing the makeup and the hair. For me it’s all part of the same package. I wouldn’t apply that rule to anyone else of course, but for me I’ve always either done everything or nothing at all.
So what was the point then? Is it really such a big deal that I wore a dress around the house without bothering with the rest?
For me? Yes. Yes it is.
It might sound a bit backwards, going from looking like a woman (or at least a close enough approximation…) to being a bloke in a dress, but it’s certainly something I needed.
This wasn’t about being convincing. This was about being comfortable.
I guess that’s the real point of this post; being comfortable. I’ve spent years upon years telling others and myself so many different rules.Wear concealer to hide beard shadow… get a wig the same colour as your natural hair… dress for your body type… All of these different things without remembering the key rule:
Do what makes you feel comfortable and happy.
You want to wear a dress and keep your beard? Do it.
Wearing a bra under your work clothes? Do it.
Wanna walk around your house naked in platform heels? Do it.
We all should do what we’re comfortable with and what makes us happy. For me, that’s about looking as feminine as possible, but sometimes I might just want to wear a skirt because fuck it why not.
DISCLAIMER: Ok so this post got kind of sidetracked… It was actually meant to be about how you can live your regular life as a crossdresser, but you’re all sensible enough to know how to do that anyway.
I did also have the photoshoot just over a week ago (thank you again to everyone who tuned into the Q & A on Instagram!) and I’m going to be posting photos from it on a weekly basis, starting…. NOW
I’m going to post more about this outfit later on in the week, so just consider this a teaser for now!
a/n: first smut so bare with me! (and let me know what you think 🙈)
“Thomas,” you whisper shouted at the feeling of his hand ghosting the inside of your thigh. You glanced over at your boyfriend who, along with several other friends, listened intently to Harrison’s story.
“Hm?” He hummed, glancing back at you with a smirk.
You were relieved to notice that no one was paying attention to the two of you. You took a deep breath, cleared your throat, focused back on Harrison.
Within seconds, Tom’s hand slid further up your thigh. Your stomach did flips as you nearly choked on your drink.
A/N: So I have decided to make a series of scenarios based on specific lyrics from Harry’s songs which I’m so excited about because i’ve been writing all day. Some of them will be smutty, some wont, but ill put the warnings before hand. I want to thank a lot of you who have been supporting of me and my writing. If you have any lyrics requests please don’t hesitate to let me know. But I really hope you like this one, enjoy! -K
Word Count: 4K
Pairing: Y/N and Harry
This week is the ARIA awards in Australia and Harry has been scheduled to perform. Because he has been on tour and constantly traveling I just think that he needs a few days off instead of going to an awards show. His manager Tommy had insisted on him declining the invitation to the show and have a non hectic couple of days, especially to spend time with me. But of course Harry being Harry he didn’t want to let anyone down and he decided that he wanted to go.
Harry always wanted me to come with him on tour, which is something I would be so happy to do. But my job is always my main priority. Through out our relationship, we had seen that we had been focusing too much on our carers, and neglecting our relationship. With both of our singing carers it was hard. But now with my tour over I’ve decided to take some time off to be with Harry and actually try to be here for him. Its his very first tour with just him and his band and of course he needed me to be there with him. Its not easy being on the stage by yourself, its very intimidating to say the least. But with me travelling with Harry I get to see and experience new things with him, and write new songs along the way. Knowing that Harry feels more at home with me being here for him, and knowing that I give him comfort when he sees me standing at the side singing along to his songs means everything to me. It just makes my heart swell at the thought.
“Babe, its either going to be the Gucci or the Alexander McQueen outfit, just pick one?” Harry came out of the hotels wardrobe with both his hands filled with these unusual coloured suits, with a puzzled look on his face, scrunched eyebrows waiting for my reply. “H you always go for Gucci so wear something different” I looked up at Harry, dragging my concentration from my novel in my hands to him then back to my book. “Okay sold” His cheeky grin spread across his face and put down the suits of the side of the bed, then making his way over to me. “Babe?” His hands sprung up to my book and pulled it away so my attention was on him. “H” I looked up and his face which still had the cheekiest grin on it. “Do you wanna grab something to eat?” “Yeah sure, I actually am quite hungry” “Okay cool” He knelt over me to grab the hotel phone to order in. I yanked the phone out of his hand and put it back to the server. “Do you not want anything?” The confusion setting into his face, I grabbed his chin to pull the smile back and I pushed my fingers into his dimples which I know he loved. “How about we go downstairs to the restaurant and eat? We can look cute and go out for a romantic meal?” “Sweetie I am so washed I cant be bothered going anywhere tonight” He pulled himself onto the side of the bed beside me with a sigh leaving his lips. “Harry its just for an hour or so, we haven’t had dinner together in a while” I looked back around at his face, still with a awkward look to it. “We had dinner yesterday” “Yeah, a salad in the dressing room” I sighed and pushed my body to lay on his chest with my arms wrapped around his waist facing him. “Im sorry it was just a thought, I know your really tired” “Im sorry baby ill make It up to you, when I have a day off we can do whatever you want, I promise” He pulled my forearms up so he could kiss me ever so gently on the lips then across my cheeks to my temples. “So do you want Chinese takeout or Indian?”
The next morning was the rehearsal for the awards show which was tonight, and as usual the preparation is crazy. People running around grabbing the lights, seating arrangements, the routine of the awards, scheduled performances, and of course the celebrities that are there to rehearse. I sat in one of the seats in the audience waiting for to watch Harry’s sound check for tonight when I seen him walking out with six people running after him. He immediately was looking for me in the room and his eyes landed straight on me. I gave a wave and made my way to the front of the stage where the cameras sit. “Hey baby girl” He crouched down kissing me and sat back up. “Hey H, you excited for tonight?” “Yeah I am, ill be fine once the performance is over and I get to sit beside you” I could feel my cheeks burning as if the lights were glaring down heat onto my skin. “I love the way I can still make you blush” “Shut up Harry and get up there” I giggled as I swatted at his shoe giving a smile his way. “Your going to be here right?” “Where else would I be?” He kissed my hand and got up to the band to organise the performance for tonight. “Y/N” I heard a shout from the left of me. I turn around and see Ella, or as most people know her, Lorde, came running to me and greeted me with a hug. “Oh my gosh hey girl no time no see” I screamed when we hugged for more than too long, but not seeing her for ages it made up for lost time. Me and Ella were really good friends when we first got into the industry. We are both signed on the same label and we kind of grew together. But over time obviously with our different lives and fame we kind of grew apart, but of course we still are good friends. “Congrats on the big tour chick” “Aw thank you, I’m just glad that I now have time to see and spend time with Harry, he’s having so much fun and I’m so happy to see him happy” I giggled at her. Her face didn’t rocipacate. “Are you happy though?” “Of course I am why wouldn’t I be?” She pulled her arm out, initiating to take a seat beside her. “Look Y/N I know when your not happy about something, is it Harry?” “No no its not Harry at all” “Then what is it?” I took a deep breath, and just let it out to her. “I don’t know, I just feel like recently we haven’t been as close as what we were before he released his music. Dont get me wrong we are still close, but I mean, I hate to say this, but- I kinda feel like we are growing apart a little” She looked down at my hands that were clawing down my jeans, which might as well have holes in them at this point. “If that’s the way you feel then maybe you should talk to him about it” “Yeah” I look over to Harry that was talking to one of the guitar players in the band, showing him the certain chords on the guitar he wanted played. Looking at him I know I couldn’t do it to him, not here and not when the whole tour is happening. It was crush him. “No, I cant bring it up now, its just, theres too much going on right now” “Well, I do think you need to talk eventually” My gaze went straight back to Lorde, which she had a sympathetic smile to it. She does have a point, but right now, it needs to be shot to the back of my head. My main concern right now s supporting Harry tonight. The chords from Kiwi came on and my full attention went straight to him with the music going straight through my body.
A few hours later I was finally finished hair and makeup when I hear him coming into the room with a few other people talking about the show tonight. I looked at Lou that was telling me a story about Lux and how she has started to take an interest in makeup. “And I said to her no yeh cant use nail polish for eyeshadow, I nearly had a heart attack then” Her accent strong like Harry’s always made me feel more comforted, I’m not sure why. Was probably the accent, which is stupid, but its always the small things for me. “Baby you look beautiful” Harry came over with food in hand and pushed a kiss to my head while Lou was still trying to perfect it. “Harold get away, glam squad here, no boys aloud innit” My face srunched up with laughter seeing Harry’s reaction. “Fine Im leaving, in a huff” He flicked his imaginary hair and walked off to the door. “As long as your huffs over in an hour to come back so I can do your hair you can huff to your hearts content pet” The laughter coming out of me was nearly the worst laugh in history, but the way they get along just makes you want to piss your pants. “You guys are so funny together Lou” “I mean its a pure comical show so yeh cant really get it anywhere else can yeh?” We both giggled and I got up to make my way into get changed.
When we were close to the red carpet of the ARIA’s I start to see Harry tense up a litte beside me, which made my hand glide up his thigh. “Hey youll be fine” “I know love, just not a huge fan of the red carpet bit” “I know, that’s what I’m here for, remember?” My eyes looked up into his nervous ones, reading him is so easy, you just know what he is feeling just by looking at him. “Just keep your eyes on me, right?” “Right” I felt a small kiss to my cheek as I looked back to the window of the car. I sometimes think to myself how can I make him feel better, he should be used to this kind of stuff. He has been doing it longer than what I have been. But then again everyone doesn’t like any of their job do they?
The night went smoothly, no humps or hiccups with the whole night. His performance was outstanding as normal, and on top of that he won best international artist which is amazing. He never gives himself credit for what he has done and want he can do. But then again when I think of myself being an artist I never think that I’m perfect. “I’m so glad to be home, well, back to the hotel I guess” He chuckled as I went to set my bag down on the kitchen table and he look off his blazer. “Babe I have to say, if that skirt was any shorter, I could of easily slipped inside of you when you were sitting on my lap after the show, fuck you looked so hot tonight” His hands automatically went straight to the back of my thighs and rubbed there way up underneath my skirt, clutching my bum. I quickly turned around so his hands couldn’t get where they wanted to. I knew where this was going. “Oh so you want to do it now?” His breathes got deeper as his eyes trailed around my body, eyeing me up like a piece of candy. “Of course, love, I just wanna bend you over this table” His ring covered hands found their spot again straight to my bum, clutching it in his palms, giving me a good squeeze. “Baby you torture me” His eyes reverted back to mine, trying to read me. I wasn’t really feeling the whole atmosphere. Since I talked to Lorde it really got me thinking about us and this whole ‘problem’ if that’s what I even wanna call it. I need to bring this up now before its too late. “Harry, every time I wanna have sex you say your too tired, now you want to?” “Well, yeah, why wouldn’t I?” His eyes gave out confusion that set to my lips then back to my eyes. “Look Harry, I really need to talk to you” I pulled his hands away from my bum and pushed him away to I could look at him properly. “Y/N, are you okay love?” He leaned on the chair that was sitting in front of him, waiting for me to make a coherent sentence that didn’t seem too stupid. How can I even start this conversation. “Harry, I feel like recently, this between us, well, they aren’t the way they used to be before” His face grew puzzled at my statement, never taking his eyes off of me. “I feel like somethings not right here, with us, is there something wrong with us?” “Of course there isn’t baby girl, I mean all couples kinda go through this I guess, but there is nothing wrong with us” He started to make his way back to me and I pulled myself back to the same distance that we were in before. I didn’t want him thinking that this conversation was over when it was just getting started. I didn’t want to brush off this conversation for the sake of not getting into a fight. I hate confrontation but this just needs to be said to him. “Harry I’m not happy. Im not happy that the fact that when I bring up something to do or something that I want to do that you always brush it off to the side and not make it a big deal. Like the few times that ive asked you to come with me and have a romantic meal or go for a walk, or even just to get coffee and spend some alone time together before you have a show. Look I know that you have the tour and I know that it can be stressful. But I’m here too, I know that I’m here for you to support you but I’m here, I need some Harry time to myself, and not with other people around shouting at you one million things.” His face just sat there, emotionless. He had no vibes coming from him, which is never a good thing when it comes to Harry. Not being able to ready him makes me think did I do the right thing and even bring this up?
“We do have alone time, when I come home from a show and we cuddle in bed with a dvd” “Harry that’s not spending time with someone, that’s just laying down before bed. We aren’t talking, we are just laying there until we fall asleep. That’s not being with each other” “Well in my eyes that counts for something” “Well in my eyes it doesn’t” The air in the room gets thicker and the tension starts to rise. “I feel like your not trying anymore H. I gave up my whole life to be here with you when I could have been at home right now” “Oh please, don’t give me this guilt bullshit” “I could have been writing songs for another album, and gee I don’t know, spending time with my family?” “So to get your own way in this fight you want to make me feel bad about you coming out here with me and throwing that back in my face?” “Oh so now its an arugment?” “Did you really think that this was going to be a good and smooth conversation Y/N?” His voice raised to a scary tone as he started to walk across to the other side of the kitchen. “I don’t know what you want me to do Y/N, just say to everyone ‘hey I wanna spend time with my girlfriend so I’m going to cancel a few shows here and there. Its not like that you know, I cant just take time off when I want it. This is my job. I am exhausted” “Harry I’m not asking you to give up tour dates for me, I’m asking you to make an hour just for us. Im not asking for a whole day. Even just a dinner, or something. But your not even trying, I feel like I’m the one that’s only trying here” I walked to the side of the sofa and sat down on it, looking down at my hands as the tears streamed down my face. “I feel as if you don’t love me anymore Harry” “What the fuck kind of statement is that? If I didn’t love you anymore, I wouldn’t care where you would go, I wouldn’t care if you were here or not, I wouldn’t give two fucks about you” My blood started to boil again and I got up to face his red complextion. “If you even fucking cared about me and our relationship we shouldn’t be even having this conversation. Im only asking for one fucking hour of your time, to actually spend time with your 4 year long girlfriend. Thats not a lot I’m asking here since your the one that’s asking for my full 24 hour time. You asked me to come with you not me” “And you said yes, you didn’t have to say yes, you could have easily said that you wanted to spend time with your family because I would have understood” “No Harry I wanted to come with you because I thought that it would have been an experience that I wouldn’t ever want to forget, to be with my boyfriend and to travel the world and see things that I didn’t see when I was alone” A small silence stilled as we took in what was said in the space of ten minutes. “I was thinking of the things that we could have been doing, as a couple. Making our relationship stronger” His face never left the ground, with his hands clasped around the sides of the marble designed island made me see that this was getting to him. I never thought that this conversation would have gotten this far. But it goes to show that he really didn’t think about it. I walked up to him and stood right in front of him and forced him to look at me. “How many times did you come out to see me when I was touring and you were away making your album?” “Dont pull this bullsh-“ “How many times did you come out to see me when I was touring and you were away making your album?” I repeated with a more stern tone to it. I needed to get him to see what was really going on, but it still wasn’t clicking. “Once” He mumbled with his face hung to the ground; keeping his face away from mine. “How many times?” I asked him to repeated it. “Once” His voice raised as he looked up at me. “Yeah, once out of 32 shows. That just proves my point, I’m done with this conversation” I started to walk away from him and he grabbed my arm with great force to stop me in my tracks. “Dont just walk away from this when you think your done, its not done here” “Right okay, lets keep fighting the same fight. If that’s what will get you to see it then please ill be happy to” I pulled my arms away from his grasp and folded my arms looking directly at him. “Y/N, if you really think that I don’t care, and brought you out here to waste your time, or just use you for comfort from home, then maybe you should leave and go home. Because to the quite honest with you, this attitude, is really getting on my last nerve” The attitude that was streaming from his body language was something I never thought I would see coming from him. He started to walk away into the kitchen when of course I followed him, with a lot more coming into mind. I wanted to make sure I didn’t forget anything that I had planned to say in my head. “I try so much for you Harry and your the one that throws it in my face. You really think that I’m giving you attitude? Yeah actually, maybe I am, because its the only way to get it through your thick skull that is whole thing is ruining our relationship” “Eh no actually Y/N because this whole relationship was fine until tonight” “You thought that it was a fine relationship” Once again a silence broke through the room waiting for someone to say something. I knew if I needed to explain more to him about us then it wasn’t even worth trying anymore. “Harry I shouldn’t have to explain to you if I’m happy. You should know that. You cant be this great guy int he public eye and then be a complete dick behind closed doors. Your either one person or the other, which is it? I fell in love with the nice charming guy that would do anything to be with me, and treat me with respect and treat me like no other guy would treat me. But that guy isn’t there anymore. I cant wait for him” I couldn’t keep my tears back looking at him. I was standing there pouring my heart out to him and he just stood there, facing me, watching me, looking right through me. Maybe I’m starting to break him. “I love you Harry. Not the guy that’s standing in front of me right now, but the guy that I met 4 years ago” I started to walk into the bedroom across the hall and slammed the door shut behind me. Thats when I broke, so hard. I held it in for so long trying to be strong to get everything out, and now that its out in the open, I kinda feel glad that I said it, but also regret it. Im thinking back to an hour ago and just thinking I should have just had sex with him and it would have been a good night. But it would ave just been me prolonging the enevitable.
Once I calmed myself down I decided to get myself back to our house in London to give us some space because at this point I think that’s all we need. I made sure that all of my stuff from travelling around was in my suitcase and zipped it up. I looked around the room and to Harry’s suitcase. Just knowing that I cant look for one of his graphic t shirts to wear to bed just made my heart break, but I know that doing this will help make him see that I’m serious about this.
I made my way down the halls trailing my suitcases at hand with the phone to my ear talking to the driver, and I seen Harry sitting on the sofa looking straight my direction. “Okay thank you, ill see you in 5” I hung up the phone and tried to ignore the fact that Harry was sitting watching me as I made my way to the door. “Y/N” He jumped up off of the sofa and hit his hand off of the door so I couldn’t open it. “Why are you doing this, why are you leaving?” “If you cant see that this is our main problem, I cant help you. We both need time to think about this” I grab the door handle and harry pulled it away. “Need time to think about what? Y/N we can talk about this and we can figure this out” His eyes began to fill up with tears. “Harry I cant sit here and pretend that everything’s okay when its not. I cant do this relationship if its one sided, its either we work 50/50 or I’m done” I pulled his hand away from the door handle and walked out the door with my suitcases. As I walk down the hallway I hear the faint noises of a scream and a loud smash coming from our room; hearing what this is doing to him just is breaking me into two, making me think that is this the right thing I’m doing. But what is breaking my heart each time I took a step, he wasn’t chasing me.
Rihanna Reveals The Inspiration Behind Her Makeup Line—And How She Gets Her Skin to Glow
Kahlana Barfield Brown | Nov 06, 2017 @ 9:00 am | source: instyle.com
“Lipstick in Barbados? Not unless I was a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding,” recalls Rihanna with a laugh when asked about her teenage beauty routine. “My mom wasn’t flexible. I wore no makeup.” Though she wasn’t allowed to partake, Rihanna says her mom, who worked at a cosmetics counter back in the day, inspired her passion for makeup and perfume.
Now 29, and with a few credits of her own under her belt (pop icon, designer, actress), Rihanna has channeled her lifelong love of maquillage into Fenty Beauty, her hot new line that has earned raves from both the industry and the general public since it launched in September. Though she loathes the idea of promoting “perfection” (“everyone is beautiful in their own way,” she says), the most buzzed-about products are the ones that allow her fans to share in some of her glow. They include 40 shades of velvety matte foundations that cater to women of all skin tones. (Worth noting: The darker shades sold out almost immediately.)
Here, Rihanna discusses how beauty helped her evolve from shy Barbadian to global phenomenon.