and my finale feels made me finish it

4

It’s finally finished! I’ve been working on this for a week and I’ve loved every second of it.
I needed a good excuse to really get the hang of Clip Studio Paint and I wanted to make a big background-heavy piece again. This setting worked perfectly for that.

I recently saw this video by @hewhois and I got instantly inspired. It made me want to draw a modern male witch in his private den. I loved the peace and comfort that the video emitted and I did my very best to create a similar feeling. It’s so difficult to capture a very specific mood, but I hope I succeeded!

Lockers - Peter Parker

request -  hey, welcome to tumblr ! great username XD i was wondering if you could do a scenario where the reader was in the elevator then as spiderman pulls her up, she recognizes his voice then the next day, she confronts peter in at school, in an empty classroom and says she knows who he is and then hugs him out of nowhere and so much fluff ugh. thank you and i wish you the best with the blog !

a/n - i went through many different plots/settings with this fic so it took a while but, writing this was really fun. it sort of become rly super duper long so i apologize for that LOL and hopefully the fluff isn’t a flop like me but don’t forget to request a peter parker/spider-man fic if you’d like and follow!

The elevator began to shake even more, dropping one more time before I felt as if our fate was waiting for us down at the bottom floor. The broken glass made it hard to stand up, but what was even worse was that I was the only one left in the doomed elevator.

“Grab onto my hand!” The officer shouted at me, extending his arm to be the best way he could. I tried to desperately to reach it, but I couldn’t. The mix of adrenaline and fear had struck my body to the max.

“Sir, I-I can’t.” I cried, my heart breaking even more. Just then, the elevator went down another foot, and I felt my back press up against the tarnished wall. All I could hear was the harsh beat of my heart and the yells for help from the people up top.

“(Y/N) please! Try again!” I heard Liz yell from above. The situation had become to surreal to me that I almost became numb to it, with what could happen in a matter of seconds not scaring me as much as it should be.

Before I could register anything else, the sound of glass breaking snapped me back into reality. But surprisingly, it wasn’t from the elevator.

Keep reading

2

I know I’m supposed to be finished with TUE, but this has always bugged me so much. I finally thought of something that made me feel better about it, so I had to backtrack for just a bit.

My sister has a headcanon (one I think she saw on tumblr somewhere) that Mr. Lancer’s statue used to say “Gone with the Wind.” It just sank into the earth, so “gone” is all that’s seen. I love that idea, because Mr. Lancer would be overjoyed to have a book title on his memorial.

The only thing that bugged me was that I couldn’t think of a reason for Lancer to get his own statue. Why wasn’t he just included with everyone else?

Then it hit me that the Fentons, Sam, and Tucker were all actually pretty close. In particular, they were all close to Danny. It’d make sense for their memorial to be paid for by Vlad for Danny’s sake, or (in my opinion more realistically) by the Mansons for Sam’s sake.

Despite not always getting along, Sam’s family did love her. I can absolutely see them wanting to build a statue to honor her and the other victims.

Lancer, however, was left off at the request of the students of Casper High. They hadn’t always respected him, but he did a lot for his students. They decided they owed it to him to make a special statue just for him, as a thank you for everything he did.

So, the students of Casper High put together a fundraiser and paid for Lancer’s separate statue themselves, with “Gone with the Wind” written on it. Mr. Lancer would’ve loved it.

4

When I started my first tumblr blog, one of the very first things I posted was this set of avatar posters. They kind of exploded, racking up 10k notes within a few days. Needless to say it was thrilling for 15 year old me, having barely just started drawing seriously.

Unfortunately they pretty much defined my old blog, which was a big reason for me to let it go and start fresh here. For the most part I was content leaving them behind me. But especially this summer, I couldn’t shake the feeling that they weren’t a good example of my current skill as an artist, so naturally I had to remedy that!

I finished the sketches about a month ago, and finally found time to sit down and finish painting all of them, in this final week before school. I also made them available to buy on my society6 store - check it out.

Please (don’t delete my comment) and enjoy them!

How to become a good student (again) 4: Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself

Hello, fellow ex-good student!

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo husband, cause I’m about to drop the p-bomb:

That’s right… p…p…pro…

PROCRASTINATION!

I know. I know. The moment has come, man. Procrastination has cost me so many hours of my life that I will never get back and I guess it’s the same for you.
Here’s a bit of a secret - the first three posts so far? They were actually also about procrastination. Specifically, they were about WHY you or I might procrastinate.
1. Because you’re overwhelmed by choices
2. Because, goddamnit, it’s HARD to to start
3. Because you have a screwed up relationship with studying

Now, in this post, we will be tying these threads together by looking at the WHAT and the HOW. You’ve examined the roots, you’ve gotten rid of the pesky little bugs living down there, so… WHAT is procrastination really and HOW do you defeat it and actually start studying?

Procrastinaton, for me, is a state of mind, a surround sound and most of all: a place - it’s LIMBO. It’s physically being unable to do something. Being caught in a web (very often the world wide one). Drowning in water. Being pulled apart, gaining momentum, losing control, cotton in my ears, the heat of shame in my chest, a thousand voices in my mind that I try to silence.

“You should be -”
“You have to -”
“You must -”

“Do something, do something, do something, anything, anything, anything, anything”
“You loser, you can’t even -”
“YOU USED TO BE GREAT and now you’re just-”

I hate myself while doing it. I feel horrible. I feel useless.
But at the same time, at the very bottom of my mind, there is something that I’ve refused to acknowledge for the longest time: a sense of pleasure.
Why
do I feel this weird sense of pleasure when I procrastinate? Why do I feel pleasure when I know I’m sabotaging my future through inaction? When I’m digging myself into a deeper and deeper grave? When I hate myself at the same time? Why do I procrastinate at all? Is it because of that underlying ironic pleasure?

Well, to find the answer to those questions, we first need to ask ourselves a bigger one: what is the OPPOSITE of limbo? If limbo is being caught in the middle of nowhere, floating, glitching, slowly imploding, then what is the opposite?
I’d say it’s movement, direction and action - you being in charge and moving things along, having agency, being alive and powerful and energetic and hot. I’d say it’s FLOW.

When I was a child, I had little to no problem syncing in and out of flow. It just came to me like second nature and I LOVED it. I loved the way my brain buzzed and I completely forgot about my surroundings. I loved disappearing into ideas, books, stories, video games, homework, a teacher’s lesson, a friend’s story, my own projects. I went in and out as I pleased and could turn it on and off like a light switch. It was so. much. fun. and I was so, so lucky to have had the privilege of such a talent.

Back then, I used to ache and hunger for a challenge. Things were smooth and easy and fun, but I wanted MORE - harder exercises, deeper questions, more challenging teachers. When I told my father about that, he smiled and said

“Be happy. You have put so much work into this. This is the moment it’s all paying off - you’ve turned and turned and turned your wheel and now it’s running smoothly along the street without even noticing how uneven the ground is.”

He was right, of course, but as time went on, I became more and dissatisfied with my smooth little wheel and started to procrastinate more and more. Why? And, again: where does the pleasure at procrastinating come from?

I’d argue that there are two main factors and one huge reason:

FACTOR 1: The wheel didn’t deliver on its promises

I already mentioned this in the very first post, but basically: disillusionment. I loved working hard, but I also expected it to pay off at some point. However, apart from the occasional pat on the head from a teacher or my parents’ smiles, there wasn’t all that much to be gained. There were no harder exercises, no special treatments, no big revelations - even university, my very last bastion of hope turned out to be a glorified bouncy castle.
I was just bored and the work I put into it wasn’t worth the outcome anymore. The system had failed me.

FACTOR 2: Suddenly, there were a lot of wheels

It is easy to glorify my younger self, but, really, child-me had it a lot easier.
Child-me only had one wheel to spin (school) and as I grew older, I realized that there were, well, many other wheels I had neglected.
I had a lot of catching up to do in areas like empathy, charisma, self-confidence and self-worth outside of academia, humour and fashion. And when I left school, there were even MORE wheels: suddenly, I also had to keep my job, my apartment, my much more complicated social life, my manifold hobbies and a somewhat healthy sleep schedule going.
I wasn’t prepared for this abundance of wheels. I’d grown up thinking that as long as I could keep the one wheel I was good at spinning (academia), I’d be juuuuust dandy. Well, I was wrong and I realized that, once again the system had failed me.

If only I’d had better teachers. If only I’d listened to the good ones. If only I’d worked the problem earlier. If only I was part of a better system that would recognize and foster my talents. Who knows how much I could achieve? Who knows how much I could have ALREADY achieved?

And that’s where the pleasure of procrastination comes from.
It is defiance. It is rebellion. It is a big “FUCK YOU” to the system that failed me. It is a “Look at me! I’m operating outside the system and I’m STILL getting semi-good grades. I don’t need any of you. I don’t need any of this. I’m playing by MY rules. I’m getting shit done MY way. Because YOUR way disappointed me. Because I am FREE.”

If, at this point, you’re starting to feel sorry for me (or yourself for being in a similar situation) …that’s exactly the problem. There’s really no way to say this nicely, so here we go:

PROCRASTINATION IS NO MORE AND NO LESS THAN A GLORIFIED VICTIM COMPLEX.

Let me explain.
When you procrastinate, doesn’t it feel like you HAVE TO do things? Like you’re being FORCED to do something? Like you’re POWERLESS? Like you’re STUCK? Like you’re SUFFERING? Like you’re AT THE MERCY of your negative thoughts, the system or you’re conscience? Like you’re being WHIPPED AROUND? Like you crave recognition of your SUFFERING? Like you don’t have a choice except RUNNING AWAY and not facing what you’re FORCED to face?

All of these thoughts and emotions put you in the position of a sufferer - a victim.

You see yourself as a victim of the system, the school, the state, the assignment you should be working on. You deliver yourself unto their power. You submit to a simple dichotomy: I HAVE to do this or I SHOULD FEEL like shit.
I HAVE to do this, so I MUST suffer and accept the infringement of my freedom.

Well, let me tell you something that just about changed my life when I fully, deeply and profoundly realized the truth behind these words:

YOU 
DON’T 
HAVE
TO 
DO 
SHIT. 


…or a bit more eloquently put:

You’re the one in control.

No, honestly. You are. 

If you wanted to, you could throw it all into the wind, take the next train to nowhere and see where life takes you. But do you want to do that? 
And, the even bigger question: why do you feel SO powerless that this small, stupid act of rebellion against The System is enough to intoxicate you SO much that you keep coming back to suckle on its sweet, sweet bitter nectar?

It’s because you feel trapped. It’s because you feel lost. 
It’s because you feel like you have so much potential and it’s all going to FUCKING waste and if somebody were to just give you a FUCKING hand you could really show everybody just how much you can FUCKING do and-

-let me stop you right there and let me ask you 4 questions:

QUESTION 1)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are …but what’s the use of your intelligence if you can’t use it to improve your own life?

If you’re anything like me, you find it very easy and rewarding to help other people with their problems. You easily see the roots of problems and the ways that conflicts could be resolved. You’re an excellent trouble-shooter and a strategist in video games and for your friends… but what about your own life? Why do you ACCEPT playing the role of the victim in your own life?

Why do you accept this suffering?

Long story short: because you’ve grown used to it.

You’ve forgotten what it feels like to make active choices, to exert your full agency and to take full responsibility for whatever mess might come of it. Leading me to…

Question 2)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but what’s the use of your intelligence if you don’t take anything seriously?

Be honest: when was the last time you took anything seriously and gave it your all? …no? Nothing?


Well, if you’re anything like me, I’m sure you know the neat excuse of “eh, I was just winging it, but if I REALLY tried-” and do you know what that is? It’s cowardice and it’s self-victimization.

I know I’m coming on very strong.
But the truth is this: I know this. I know this because I’ve been living this. I’ve been living a second-hand life that I allowed to be ruled by “the system” and guilt and made-up obligations …and I almost lost myself in the process.

Maybe you can realize it with me: It’s some time ago, I wake up in the middle of the night and randomly feel like taking an IQ test online. I’m still half-asleep, I roll onto my stomach, I don’t even sit up, I meander my way through the questions. Shit. I realize that time is running out and I haven’t even finished ¾ of the questions! I panick. I feel guilty. I finally sit up. I start trying harder. I’m getting faster and faster - faster than I ever thought possible. And despite 5 minutes of good effort - 
I fail. Hard.
And as I sit there in my dark room, my unbelievably sucky result glowing on the screen of my mobile phone and I look out of the window, I realize: this has been my life for the past 5 years. Winging stuff at not even 50% of my capacity and being hurt by the results. Honestly, when WAS the last time I took anything really seriously? 

The next day, I get 8 hours of sleep, sit down in front of my laptop with a bottle of water, search for the most professional IQ test I can find and concentrate from the very beginning. I score 30 points higher. 

Let me repeat that: I scored 30 points higher on an IQ test because I actually tried. Magical things can happen if you take stuff seriously.

Leading us to

Question 3)
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but when was the last time your intelligence has brought you joy?

Maybe you’re familiar with the phrase “The burnt child dreads the fire”? When I thought back on my academic progress in the last years, I realized that there really hadn’t been much joy anywhere. Pretty much everything had sucked. 

Big time.

Of course I wouldn’t want to invest my energy into something that didn’t yield any good results … right?

Wrong. My lack of good results was only an indicator for the real problem: my lack of effort.
The simple truth is this: 
We are smart. We enjoy doing what we are good at. We enjoy hard mental work, REGARDLESS of the results.
But once I started to focus too much on the results and thought it was all about having a great CV and min-maxing my grades… I just didn’t have fun anymore. I didn’t allow myself to have fun anymore. To disappear into a world of thoughts like I used to as a child. To invest way too much time into a project, to have an absolute BLAST creating something complex and outstanding and super cool. 

Bringing us to…

Question 4) 
You keep going on and on about how intelligent you are… but can you really create something extraordinary?

See that’s the thing: when I was a child, I didn’t just take school seriously.
I wanted to go the extra mile. 
And honestly? That was the whole secret. I wanted to create something that wasn’t just special but mind-blowingly special. It’s not like I knew I had it in me, but rather that I wanted grow to have more and more in me and I knew that the only way to do that was to challenge myself again and again.
That’s the difference between viewing your intelligence and your capabilities as stagnant or growing. There is no joy and no truth in regarding yourself as stagnant - the best of violin players started out sounding like a dying cat and the best athletes kept stumbling. If you want to create and become something extraordinary, you need to know that it will not happen overnight. You need to know that it will be a slow, hard and challenging hike up a hill and the only thing that keeps you climbing is your willingness to go the extra mile so you can see the view become more and more beautiful.

The real pleasure of studying is not getting good results and bragging rights - that’s just a cool side-effect. The real pleasure of studying is studying and that means working and knowing that working gets you one step ahead one step at a time.

So HOW can you change? HOW can you regain control? How can you consciously go from limbo to flow?
First of all:

1) RECLAIM YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND YOUR PASSION

The first thing I tell myself in the morning is “My life is in my hands.”
That’s not always an easy sentence to start with, especially if I haven’t slept well or if I’m sick or in the middle of a fight or an existential crisis or just crabby.
But it’s always true. It’s MY life and it’s my responsibility to make the best of it. 

One poem in particular has really helped me, so who knows, maybe it’ll help some of you guys as well:

The Vow

No matter how deep the sadness or wide the pain,
I vow to live for a brighter day will come again.

No matter how many mistakes I’ve made in the past,
I vow to live and in the future avoid them, surefooted and fast.

No matter how many tragedies beyond my control take place,
I vow to live and stay my course within this race.

No matter how poor or rich I may ever be,
I vow to live and aspire to search for the dignity in simplicity.

No matter how much a lover may pierce the inner core of my heart,
I vow to live for like spring I’ll get a new start.

No matter how isolated and alone I may feel,
I vow to live and do something for someone else to heal.

No matter how hopeless my situation my appear,
I vow to live and reflect until my viewpoint is clear.

No matter what happens in this life – good or bad
I vow to live, do my best, and just for living – be glad.

– Malcolm O. Varner

If you want to find pleasure in studying again, you need to embrace your own passion.
I know it’s a lot “cooler” to be indifferent towards studying, to procrastinate, to do it almost out of spite and at the last minute. But is it really?
No one wins. It’s not rewarding. It’s not fulfilling. You’ll have forgotten it in a week. It just sucks for everyone involved. Love what you do. Love it like you would a lover. Be considerate, be tender and be patient.
It must not feel like an obligation. It must feel like a passion - a fiery want for new horizons, mentals fireworks and lightbulb moments. It must come from yourself, from your bowels, your fibres, your blood - not from some ominous outside force. 

“I have to do this.” -> “I want to do this!”
“I’m losing time. There is so much I have to do, I want to be done with this already.” -> “I want to give this my time. This is absolutely worth it. I really want to be doing this right now.”
“Be fast. Be faster.” -> “Slow down. Be patient. Cherish this moment.”
“This is hard. I hate it. I hate it so much.” -> “This is challenging. I love it. I love it so much.”
“I can make this perfect, it has to be perfect! I could give this my all, I can give this my all. If I’m not giving this my all, I’m a complete and utter failure. Better not try at all rather than screwing it up. Again.”   -> “This is a work-in-progress, just like anything else. I am sure I can improve it bit by bit, by devoting some of my time to it. Even if I don’t get very far today, I’m sure the experience will pay off in the long run and I might find some unrelated ideas for other projects!”

You must go from this:

To that:

2) MAKE ACTIVE CHOICES.

(Like, maybe make the choice NOT to wear that speedo)

Because that’s really what it comes down to in the end: CHOICE. Nobody actively chooses to procrastinate. Procrastination is the absence of choice. 

Years of little to no success make you feel like your choices don’t matter -> you feel like you cannot influence anything -> you might as well not try -> you procrastinate.
But here’s the thing: your choices DO matter (DITCH that speedo!) and you must regain that trust in yourself.

We NEED to be able to make choices about their own lives. It makes us feel powerful and like we are truly alive.
It makes us feel like we are, you guessed it, in the flow.

Now, of course it’d be nice if I told you “Make conscious choices sweaty <3 ;*” and you’d go out and do it and that was it. But, truth be told, it’s hella hard to get there and it will take you at least a year of constant effort.
For me, this year meant constantly asking myself “Wait, do I REALLY want to do this right now?” and establishing a neat rule for all media consumption that goes “Always enrichment, never escape”. But, as I said, that’s a work-in-progress and something that you will have to work on in your own time and at your own pace.
Luckily, I found a shortcut :D

Now, the shortcut does not replace the year of constant effort, mind you, but it can help to make it a lot easier:

THE STUDY ROOM

What’s the “Study Room”? Well…
You might have been wondering what the title “Layer Yourself to Merge Yourself” is all about. This was my thought process:

  • 1) I want to get from limbo to flow
  • 2) And I want studying to feel like a reward in and of itself
  • 3) And it’d be nice if I could concentrate on just spinning one wheel at a time, so I can really lose myself in it
  • 4) I also want it to be a conscious choice, so I can train my decision-making process
  • ….
  • ….but how?
  • …”fake it till you make it” or what, haha?
  • ….I guess what that really means is that you have to act like you’re already there until you’re there?
  • …so, like, you have to artifically induce naturalness?
  • …haha, wouldn’t it be neat if I could do that and “transform” into my “study-form” like the Avatar or a magical girl or a superhero or something?
  • …..
  • …wait. Wait. WAIT. What if I COULD?
  • What if there was a “me” that was specifically always in the flow and already loves and is good at studying and which I only access whenever I want to study?
  • So I create a new “me”, so that, over time, we can become one again and I can change into that “me” whenever I want?
  • …cool.
  • …but how?
  • I could always go to a special place, but that would limit me whenever that place wasn’t availabe.
  • …buuuuuut…..
  • …..what if it was a place I could ALWAYS access?
  • what if it was a place in my MIND?
  • ….
  • …..holy SHIT.

And that’s how the “Study Room” was born. Below, I will detail the journey to my personal “study room”, but I wager that everybody’s study room will look a little different depending on what makes you feel most comfortable, rational and “in the flow”.

STEP 1 - DETACH FROM LIMBO

Close your eyes. Lean back.
Do it with me now. Consider this your tutorial. Bring yourself to a screeching halt, throw an anchor into the the ground of the stormy sea, pull the brakes, just - stop. Stop. Slow down.
Close your eyes, lean back, keep your eyes closed for a good minute - god, how long a minute can be, right?- and feel your breathing consciously, slowly, feel how you are alive and full of hunger, feel how your heart beats, feel how much tension has built up inside of you, how much energy has been stored and how much you actually ache to do something meaningful. Feel it. Keep your eyes closed until you feel it. Then, come back to me.

STEP 2 - BECOME AWARE OF REALITY

I don’t know if you’ll need this step, but I live very much inside my head and limbo just makes that effect even stronger. So, I like to remind myself of my physicality, of my spatial realness, of my ability to perceive and interact with the world in this step. I re-connect with the world and it slows me down even more - it’s a bit like hooking myself into this world, so limbo can’t claim me so easily.
I drink a glass of water, I eat a carrot, I touch a cold tile, I feel the texture of a pillow, I play with my own hair - if I’m in public, like in a library, I usually just brush over my lips or grip the table unobtrusively. It’s a small step, one that usually doesn’t take longer than 10 seconds, but it’s one that has helped me a lot.

(When I’m really caught up in limbo, I usually lie down on the floor in my room. That works wonders)

STEP 3 - ENTER YOUR STUDY PLACE

At this point, I close my eyes again and visualize. I enter another world, the world of studying in my mind.

STEP 3A - THE DOOR

My eyes are still closed and imagine a dark, circular room: this is the entrance to my Study Room ™. I stand in the middle of the room - there is one door right in front of me, two to my left and two to my right. I have no idea what’s behind those other doors or why my imagination has conjured up a room like that, but hey, it works and here we are.
I gather all my concentration and repeat “My life is in my hands. I take on the responsibility for my own life. I WANT to learn. I CHOOSE this.” to myself. Then, I consciously choose to walk in only one direction, channeling all my thoughts into a straight line: towards the door right in front of me. I enter through it - somehow, I never have to actually open it, so it might be more like an open doorway?

STEP 3B - THE WATER

I step through the door and find myself in a space filled with water. I have absolutely no trouble breathing and I can easily swim, turn, glide and spiral like a dolphin. The water washes the last remnants of limbo off me, I feel my tensions washing away, my mind waking up, the wheel starting to move, my chest feeling lighter, my heart feeling hotter, my breathing going slow and steady. I swim in this liminal space for as long as I need to, I revel, I breathe, I wallow, I luxuriate until I feel ready to emerge from the water.
(wonder what psychologists would say about this little ritual - is it a literal re-birth? is this the womb? who knows? it works and that’s good enough for me right now …now that I think about it, that beach scene from Gravity might have been an inspiration. Man, I loved that movie already, but that ending?? Aaaaanyway, moving on…)

STEP 3C - THE WORLD

Then, I swim upwards and emerge from the water, head-first. The sun is warm and shines on my head and I step out of the water with bare feet, toes curling around grass and my lungs breathing in fresh forest air. Somewhere, a bird is singing, white clouds are languidly drifting by, all is warm, comfortable and good. I sit down on a giant mushroom by a tree (hey, don’t ask me, I don’t know), take a last deep breath and put pen to paper.
At this point, I open my eyes in the real world. I am completely relaxed, a thousand miles away from limbo, in another dimension even, calm and happy to engage with questions and wonders.

I’m in the flow.

In this world, I am a different me. A “study-me”.
In time, this me and I will merge again and we have already merged quite a bit. My walk through the Study Room process has become faster and faster and I am quite certain that, in time, it won’t take longer than a fraction of a second and it will seem like I can switch my flow on and off again like I used to. My study wheel is rolling again.

But if yours isn’t just yet, then …this is it. This is how, this is why and this is the very moment I re-connect with my “study values”, my passion and my agency, again and again and I choose to do it. Again. And again.


It is, really, all about choice.

And that’s the advantage I have over the old me. The old me studied because I didn’t know anything else and because I thought that I had to. 
The me right now chooses to study because I want to. And that makes it ten times more effective, more freeing and more fun.

So run wild, enjoy, actively enter that world of studying in your head, no matter what yours might look like (rain? palm trees? other planet? go bonkers!), it’s about choosing this and wanting this. It is about YOU saying “Yes, there are other interesting things and wheels out there, but right here, right now, I want this, nothing else and I will give it all of myself for as long as I want to.”

As you might have guessed by the gifs, I really recommend watching Free! Iwatobi Swim Club if you’re interested in overcoming procrastination.
(I swear I’m not sponsored by KyoAni, but for all their other shortcomings, their characters always have amazing character arcs when it comes to professionalism and passions) Both Rin and Haru are caught in their own versions of limbo and following Rin’s journey in Season 1 and Haru’s journey in Season 2 really helped me realize a lot of things about my own life and about how I dealt with passion, talent and my career.

The last part of this series will include a Q&A, so if there is something you didn’t quite understand or are unsure about, something you’d like to add or recommend to others, something you’d like me to explain in more detail or demonstrate through other examples, please, just write me a message (my inbox is absolutely open!) and I will answer it in Part 5 :)

Thank you for coming along on this ride! I hope some of my thoughts could help you and please, do let me know if my methods work for you - I’d love to know! :D 

Your life is in your hands,

-studyinstyle

Hatefuck C.H.

This imagine is based on this song

You can read part 2 here

Trigger Warning: it contains smut and swearing 

Word count: 2,5k+

A/N: I’m thinking about doing a second part to this. Should i? Anyway, hope you like it.  


Heartbreak.

That was the only thing I could feel in that moment. Life was slipping through my fingers and I couldn’t do anything about it. All I could seem to do was sitting on the floor, trying to stop the tears from falling.

Numbness came right after. The tears had already dried; my swollen eyes could hardly see anything. I heard the noise that came from the TV, my chest hurt. Everything was a blur, and not only because I couldn’t see anything because of the tears, but because my mind wasn’t even thinking straight. Trying to steady my breathing, I looked around my apartment. There were smashed dishes lying around the floor, a few picture frames also accompanied them.

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“I liked the building, not you.” PT.6

AN: So this isn’t all of what I wanted but clearly had i gone on it would have been much longer. Thank you to @xbetter-than-wordsx and @imgonnaregretthisblog for helping me with the planning of this and the next few chapters. Yall my biggest supporters and I love you. 

Paring: Shawn X Fan

Word Count: 9,547



“So how’s Florida?” I asked into the phone as I laid in bed staying up to talk to Shawn. It was late but I didn’t mind.

“Nice and warm. You’ll be wishing you were here in a month or two.”

“Don’t,” I laughed. “Don’t you dare even mention the word winter.”

Shawn grew hushed over the phone. “Winter,” he finally breathed.

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TDA Characters as Things My Friends Have Said/Done

Emma: *almost burns down the cabin while trying to turn on the fireplace*  “DON’T BLAME ME!! I’VE NEVER MADE A FIRE BEFORE!!

Julian: *is trying to finish an art assignment due the next day*  “I can feel my eye bags multiplying by the second*

Mark: *bumps into a sandbag*  “Oh I’m sorry

Cristina: “weed is the devils lettuce”

Kieran: *goes into a daze and instead of going to class, just walks around the football field for 20 minutes*

Ty: *ignores studying for finals in order to finish a book they started*

Livvy: “B**ch if you don’t apologize, I will whoop your a$$

Kit: *shady smirk* “don’t worry…I know a guy

Dru: *overhears a popular girl talking to her friends about getting a custom fit bra from Victoria’s Secret*  “ha no wonder why she needs a custom bra…there’s nothing there

Tavvy: *draws hand turkeys in science class*

Arthur:  “every day that passes is just one step closer to the sweet release of death

Annabel: Ugh why am I still alive?

Zara: *passes a dumpster* “I’m home

Eternal Love (Tom x Reader)

Request from anon: Can you do a TomxF!Reader imagine where they’ve been together since they were young & they’re at the final HP Deathly Hallows part 2 premiere and she is also in HP,apart of trio, and while she does her speech with the the trio,Tom proposes to her? ❤

Ahhhhh!!! I love this idea! Thank you so much for requesting anon! *If my schedule has worked correct, it should be Friday atm*

Originally posted by k2sodone


This was it; in a few moments, you’d be sealing what had been the greatest adventure of your entire life; Harry Potter had brought you love, eternal friendship and so much happiness. You looked at yourself in the mirror, still feeling the same nerves you felt ten years ago when you were turning up to the Philosopher’s Stone premiere - now here at the Deathly Hallows Part 2 premiere, you quarrelled on how quickly time flied. You still recognised yourself yet you had matured - you had experienced so much and you were so lucky.

Practicing your mantra in an attempt to control your breathing, you took a breath for seven seconds, held it for five and exhaled for six. “Having fun?” You heard an all too familiar voice chime from behind you. You turn around, spotting Tom stood leaning against the doorway. “I’m so nervous.” You declare, walking over to him to give him a peck on the lips. “You look ravishing.” Tom comments looking you up and down with a smirk. You were wearing a navy full length dress that hugged your curves in all the right places. He was wearing a navy suit (which just so happened to be the same shade) and his hair was tousled just the way you like it. “So do you.” You replied in an oddly surprised tone. Tom hadn’t really bothered with the previous premieres, even turning up in jeans and a t-shirt to the last one. “You sound so surprised, love.” He chuckles, intertwining his fingers with yours. “I am, I didn’t think they’d make you look this sexy. Now I have to compete with all the other girls.” You chime, reaching up to peck his lips once again. “You’re not competing, Y/N, I’m already your boyfriend. Besides, you look amazing, should I be worried about any man trying to steal you away?” Tom asks with a grin on his face. You shake your head. “Of course not.” 

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Undercover

Pairing: Mitch Rapp x Reader

Author: @ninja-stiles

Words: 5363

Author’s Note: So, this was supposed to be done a long time ago, but I couldn’t like, I didn’t feel like writing smut cause it always discourages me, but I finally finished it! Mitch was the result of the survey and someone had provided this idea, although it’s slightly different, so thank you! I hope you guys enjoy it! Thank you to my lovely best friend @mf-despair-queen for proofreading this for me!


Originally posted by dylanobrienbr


I’ve been working under Stan for a couple years now, even before he brought in new recruits. I’m the only women that he had taken under his wing and I couldn’t be anymore grateful. He took me away from my fucked up home life and made me feel loved again. I saw Stan as a father figure now since my actual father died in combat and my step father is a fucking piece of shit who beats his wife and daughter. While he was training the new recruits, he sent me out on many missions, not wanting me to meet them yet since he didn’t know how they’d feel about a women being in this profession.

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submitting my fave tom pic of all time for the drabble thing! ily thx u for writing ❤️

i loved writing this!! thank you so much for submitting this picture of tom and i hoped you enjoyed your small drabble!!

beads of sweat were dripping down my head as i finished my last set of box jumps. my thighs were burning but i loved the feeling, especially working out with tom. i loved the competition. 

“yes babe!” he cheered on as i continued jumping up and down, on and off the box. tom cheering just made the feeling even better. knowing that the person you love will support you no matter what.

tom and i always had each others backs, when he’s on the red carpet i support him but when I’m in the gym he supports me. this is my red carpet and even since he was casted as spiderman he and harrison have been doing my daily trips to the gym.

when i finally finished the box jumps a large smile formed on my face as everyone began clapping. i was a very knowing face around my gym and i had just completed my goal. tom and harrison have me high fives as i took a long sip form my cold water bottle.

infant of my i could see harrison walking towards the bench press but tom was no where in sight which was odd since those two are conjoined at waist. it was then that i felt a presence behind me and the familiar touch of tom was pressed against my back.

“that was hot” was all tom whispered in my ear before pressing a soft kiss to my neck and walking around me to join harrison. my breath was caught in my throat, tom rarely did that especially in public. i could already tell that tom had a cocky smirk on his face as he walked infant of me. 

“y/n are you coming?” harrison asked from the other side of the gym while he was seated on the bench press. i could tell that toms walk slowed down and he turned his head around and looked at me with a dark hungry look.

“yeah babe the day has only begun” his smirk widened at my reaction and i quickly started walking. 

two can play at this game. 

it was undeniable that tom look very hot with his messy gym hair and his sleeveless shirt showing off his large sweetly muscles. i decided that it was met turn to have fun. i knew i had an effect on him and i would do what he’s doing to me right now. I’m gonna use it to my advantage.

i walked infront of tom swaying my hips back and forth as we both made our way to harrison. i could hear him let out a slight groan behind me almost as if he knows what he started. 

tom walked past me, “this means war darling.” 

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Taken [Chapter 7]

Mafia!AU

Pairing: Suho x Reader

Warnings: Language; may have triggering situations including sexual situations, abuse, violence, etc.

Summary: You were just a normal girl. You were just trying to get by. Until a rather unfortunate relationship brought you to the hands of Suho, the leader of the greatest mafia in the country.


PrologueChapter 1Chapter 2Chapter 3Chapter 4Chapter 5Chapter 6Chapter 7Chapter 8Chapter 9Chapter 10
Chapter 11Chapter 12Chapter 13Chapter 14Chapter 15
Chapter 16Chapter 17Chapter 18Epilogue



“This is bad. This is very, very bad.” Chen mumbles repeatedly as he treads back and forth while biting his nails. “Hyung, do you think they’ll do anything to her?”

“Can’t say for sure.” Xiumin says through pursed lips, leaning against the wall with arms crossed tightly over his chest.

Chen continues to mumble incoherently with worry.

“Stop, you’re making me nervous.” Sehun tells him with furrowed brows and Chen snaps at him.

“I’m just worried.”

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Moon of Fire Part iii (Sastiel Sequel)

Massive credits to Marie Rutkoski, who wrote The Winner’s Curse, for part of the inspiration of the ending! We are 3/5 of the way through, and today, you get the Sastiel reunion!

If you haven’t read A Court of Fire and Dreams:
Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV and Part V.

Moon of Fire:
Part i, Part ii, Part iii, Part iv, Part v

*****

Seraphine’s eyes fluttered open.
The trees above her swayed in the wind, the sun already set high in the sky.
She was pleasantly warm, laying on her side wrapped in a thick midnight blue cloak, it’s scent so comforting, so familiar that it almost felt like a dream.
But it wasn’t a dream.
Seraphine was out of the mines, she was safe, she was free.
She twisted, running her fingers between Fen’s thick fur.
Kastiel came back for her. He had saved—
Seraphine sat up at the sound of movement near her.
“Who are you?” she demanded.
The fae in front of her didn’t look familiar. He was tall, crowned with dark hair and dark skin. He seemed a little surprised at her voice, the expression sitting unusually on his beautiful, elegant face.
“I’m Azriel,” he says, dropping a log of wood on top of a stack near his feet. “Kastiel’s uncle.”
Seraphine studied Azriel.
He wore black leathers, with blue jewels adorning different parts of his body. Nothing about him seemed even remotely similar to what Kastiel looked like. Except for the wings. Though Azriel’s was noticeably wider and grander in size.
“Azriel?” she asked slowly, dragging out all the syllables of his name, “And… Kastiel?”
Seraphine was awarded with a breathtaking smile from Azriel, and she sensed, in a way she only could, how rare this smile was.
“I like to say that he was named after me,” he said thoughtfully, arranging the logs on the ground to form a makeshift campfire. “Though Cassian would say otherwise.”
Seraphine stared at the pile of logs, before looking around at her surroundings.
“He’s by the stream,” Azriel points out. “He’s been worried about you, and he’ll be glad you’re awake.”
“Thank you,” she replies.
“Seraphine,” he says before she could leave, “are you alright?”
She meets his hazel eyes. “I’m fine.”
Azriel gives her a small nod in reply, as if he knew, exactly how she was feeling—that she bore no visible scars, but the hurt ran deeper than skin and bones. “Could you please?” he asks, gesturing to the unlit campfire.
Seraphine ignited it with a brush of her hand.

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On Love: Acceptance
On Love: Acceptance

Contains: breathing and my poor baby crying towards the end (it’s not sad I promise Nikolai does not die)

Yuri had been wanting to tell his grandpa for a while that he had feelings towards Otabek. Finally, after dating him for a few months, he decides to tell Nikolai the truth. 

A/N: I just realised this was meant to be awkward, but I made it just super sweet instead. Ooops. Anyways, I’m finishing up the last few requests in my inbox and I should be done with them by the end of the week! If you have a request on what you would like me to do, please look here for information about my commissions! Thank you so much for listening and I hope you enjoy it!!

karendavidofficial It was only befitting to finish on the last day of filming Season 6, at 10am the next morning, with the wonderful, kind and beautiful, Ginny. My first day on set back in early August last year, was with this lady, and she welcomed me with open arms, and made me feel so at home with the whole gang. I just adore her and am grateful to have worked with such an amazing human being. 💙🙌🏽 😘 @onceabcofficial  (x)

Distraction

Description: Tony gets a little distracted from his work

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader

Warnings: as freakin always, smut, like kind of dom!tony for a little bit there

A/n: I’m imagining this taking place at Tony’s home in Malibu before it got all blown up bc I had an Iron Man movie marathon last night and now I wanna live in that house. Also you can credit the title to Distraction by Kehlani cause I’ve been non-stop listening to it

Originally posted by dailymcugifs

“Y/N, what are you doing down here?” Tony sighed out, exasperated.

“I could as you the same thing. It’s one in the morning, Tony.”

He shrugged. You walked over to him as he tinkered with something, wrapping your arms around his waist. You pressed a kiss between his shoulder blades.

“You’re distracting me, dear.” 

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youtube

I made a BBRAE Animation thing. ;v;’’’ It’s been in my folders for months, so I finally rendered it. It’s unfinished, but maybe the support will motivate me to finish. ^^; I hope you all like it! Please like it on youtube, and share and comment if you feel inclined! It helps a lot! Arigatou ;v; 

About: Raven cannot face her emotions and her love for Beastboy..She cannot deny it any longer, but she must make a choice: To fall completely for him, or run away from her affections. She may try to run, but memories don’t easily leave, and feelings this strong cannot simply be erased.

Diabolik lovers Lost Eden: Ayato Sakamaki [Ecstasy Epilogue] ~translation|traducción+Touch~

-Ayato’s monologue-

It’s been a few days since I left the Sakamaki Castle,
and I finally arrived to the Vibora Castle.
There is something I have to do as soon as I get inside the castle.
I have to apologize for everything that happened to my brothers.
And then… … ask them to forgive me.
To be honest, I don’t feel very confident that they will listen to me.
But it’s something I have to do.
For their sake… … for hers.
And for my sake too.

-End of Monologue-

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Harry clenched his teeth. It wasn’t even past afternoon, yet he was already buzzed and angry.

“Who cares?! Weren’t you the one who told me that it was alright since you were making money anyway?!”

“Shut your fucking mouth, Potter! You are the worst patron that this bar has ever had!”

“You’re the worst bartender that this bar’s ever had!”

“Shut up!”

“No, you!”

“No, you!”

“Why do you always need to have the last word?!”

Draco was wiping the bottom of a bottle of liquor but stopped abruptly to shoot a rather unkind look in Harry’s direction. “Why, does that bother you?”, he snapped as he slammed the bottle down. The clear liquid inside sloshed angrily within its confines, much like Draco’s blood, which seemed to be boiling under his skin as he rounded the barrier between him and the prat that just wouldn’t leave.

They were nearly nose-to-nose, with Harry smelling like alcohol and Draco feeling hot with tension that could all but withhold itself, until Harry smirked.

And it was at that moment that the stretchy tension that connected Draco’s mind to his heart lost its elasticity and snapped like a rubber band.

“Yes,” he said lowly. Harry was not going to win. “I do need to have the last word. Would you like another word from me? Leave.

“Fucking hell, Draco! Can you stop being so infuriating for at least one solid minute?” Harry grabbed a fist of Draco’s collar and pinned him against the wall. He never intended to fight, but that ferrety git was so bloody enraging that it boiled his blood. Harry was ready to throw a punch – but suddenly, all Harry could focus on was Draco’s jaw. That perfectly sharp, defined jaw. And his neck. It took every bit of Harry’s rationality to not lick his jaw nor his neck, both of which made his knees feel weak. The things Draco did to him, that git.

“Scared, Potter? Draco’s voice was a bit shaky, betraying his smug look.

“You wish, Malfoy. You wish.

so this is a snippet from my wip collab with @somnumdraconi. do tell me what you think? and tell us if you wanna be tagged when we finally finish this and post it? idk idk feedback maybe? pls?

Chris’ Writings

Chris’ AO3

My AO3

No Ratings Needed (Shawn)

A/N: another request that i was so so happy to do bc it was such a cute idea.
requested?: yup
rating: relatively innocent, actually extremely innocent so no need for one!



“Mike, that’s such a stupid system! This is why girls don’t date you!” I grunted, flipping back to the page in my book.
I finally had a day off work and Shawn was in the studio recording the finishing touches to his third album, so I figured I’d just relax and do some cleaning. Those plans were thrown out the window when my longtime friend, Mike, popped up at my front door.
“It’s not my fault they don’t like me. They just don’t know a goof guy when they see one.” Mike huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Baby? I’m back, I finished earlier than expected.” Shawn called, his footsteps getting closer to the living room. “Oh..Hey Mike.” Shawn coughs, walking around the couch and pressing a quick kiss to my lips. “Hi babe, how was the studio?” I asked, moving so Shawn could take my spot. I move to the empty space between him and Mike but he pulls me into his lap before I can sit down.
“It was great. So, Mike, exactly why are you here?”
“Shawn!” “What I’m just asking.” He hums, focusing back on Mike.
“No, it’s really no problem, Y/N, but I was dropping in to say hi before I leave for the month.”
“Yeah, we were discussing why women won’t date him.”
“It’s because I rate them—” “On their appearance as if that actually says everything.” I finished for him, shaking my head at his stupidity.
“Hey! I rated you a 6.5 before, so am I really that bad?” He says a little too confidently and I feel my heart deflate.
It’s not that his words mattered that much to me, but shit I thought I was at least an 8? I was finally learning to love myself again and those words didn’t help. It actually made me question if I was really that unattractive. What the hell did he mean by “am I really that bad?” I mean, obviously. “I’m gonna go get something to drink.” I mumble, shuffling my way to the kitchen.
I grab a glass from the cabinet and pull a water from the pantry. I can hear Shawn’s voice all the way from the other side of the apartment. It sounds like he’s whispering with venom laced in every word, but I still hear him too well. Soon, I hear the front door close and Shawn making his way to me in the kitchen.
“Shawn, what’d you say to him?” “Just told him to keep his damn mouth closed if all he’s gonna spread is lies.” He grunts, slipping in between my legs as they dangle from the countertop.
“Well, I m—” “No. Don’t “well, I mean” me. He was wrong and we both know he was. That shit was uncalled for and he was being a dick. You’re not a 6.5, an 8.5, fuck you’re not even a perfect 10.“ My throat itched, trying to refuse the urge to cry.
I didn’t think Shawn’s words would make me feel even worse, but I let him finish speaking anyways and the pent up tears soon faded. “You’ve got some flaws and that’s totally okay because there is no ‘perfect 10.’ I guess, it just matters who you’re enough for.” He sighs, his hands resting against my cheeks. He kisses my forehead before staring me directly in the eyes.
“Hey, no ratings needed here. I love you regardless of whether you’re cute or not solely because your personality isn’t ugly as hell. So, stop worrying about the words of someone that’s not kissing and loving you everyday!” Shawn smiles, wrapping my legs around his waist and pulling me off the counter.
He was right. Mike was one of those friends that I’d kept up with for god knows what reason. If he was just gonna shit on my good mood, what was the need for him being around? I just needed who I had here in my arms and soon enough I’d be fine.


i hope you like it hon!!
y'all can always drop some requests in my box. i’m open to different ideas guys