and mourns that my two great loves are so often in conflict

Major Sullivan Ballou of the Union Army wrote this letter home to his wife Sarah in Smithfield, Rhode Island. It is considered to be one of history’s most beautiful and moving love letters.

July 14, 1861
Camp Clark, Washington

My very dear Sarah,

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days – perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write you again, I feel impelled to write lines that may fall under your eye
when I shall be no more.

Our movement may be one of a few days duration and full of pleasure – and it may be one of severe conflict and death to me. Not my will, but thine 0 God, be done. If it is necessary that I
should fall on the battlefield for my country, I am ready. I have no misgivings about, or lack of confidence in, the cause in which I am engaged, and my courage does not halt or falter. I know how
strongly American Civilization now leans upon the triumph of the Government, and how great a debt we owe to those who went before us through the blood and suffering of the Revolution.
And I am willing – perfectly willing – to lay down all my joys in this life, to help maintain this Government, and to pay that debt.

But, my dear wife, when I know that with my own joys I lay down nearly all of yours, and replace them in this life with cares and sorrows – when, after having eaten for long years the bitter
fruit of orphanage myself, I must offer it as their only sustenance to my dear little children – is it weak or dishonorable, while the banner of my purpose floats calmly and proudly in the breeze,
that my unbounded love for you, my darling wife and children, should struggle in fierce, though useless, contest with my love of country?

I cannot describe to you my feelings on this calm summer night, when two thousand men are sleeping around me, many of them enjoying the last, perhaps, before that of death – and I,
suspicious that Death is creeping behind me with his fatal dart, am communing with God, my country, and thee.

I have sought most closely and diligently, and often in my breast, for a wrong motive in thus hazarding the happiness of those I loved and I could not find one. A pure love of my country and of
the principles have often advocated before the people and “the name of honor that I love more than I fear death” have called upon me, and I have obeyed.

Sarah, my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me to you with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and
bears me irresistibly on with all these chains to the battlefield.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them so long. And hard it is for me to give
them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when God willing, we might still have lived and loved together and seen our sons grow up to honorable manhood around us. I have, I
know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me – perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar – that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If
I do not return, my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battlefield, it will whisper your name.

Forgive my many faults, and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have oftentimes been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your
happiness, and struggle with all the misfortune of this world, to shield you and my children from harm. But I cannot. I must watch you from the spirit land and hover near you, while you buffet
the storms with your precious little freight, and wait with sad patience till we meet to part no more.

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the garish day and in the darkest night – amidst your happiest
scenes and gloomiest hours – always, always; and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath; or if the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by.

Sarah, do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee, for we shall meet again.

As for my little boys, they will grow as I have done, and never know a father’s love and care. Little Willie is too young to remember me long, and my blue-eyed Edgar will keep my frolics with him
among the dimmest memories of his childhood. Sarah, I have unlimited confidence in your maternal care and your development of their characters.

Tell my two mothers his and hers I call God’s blessing upon them. O Sarah, I wait for you there! Come to me, and lead thither my children.


Sullivan Ballou, age 32, was killed on the battlefield in the 1st Battle of Bull Run seven days after writing this letter.



(anonymous said: being ragnar and lagerthas daughter?)

(a/n: heya lovely! thanks so much for requesting. we hope that you enjoy what we have come up with!  - admin kat 🌙❣️ & admin wenzel 🌲💖)

◾ Being this power couples daughter would be a blessing in itself; for your parents would love you unconditionally, no matter if their relationship tarnished.

◾ Your parents would be extremely proud of you whenever you would accomplish anything - great or small -, particularly if you did so within regards to your goals.

◾ They would also be proud of what would be in store for your future, supporting you through everything.

◾ Constantly praying to the God’s for your well being. For they wish nothing more for you than true happiness.

◾ If you had a desire to become a very adept and proficient shield maiden like your legendary mother Lagertha, be aware that she would teach you all the ways of becoming a shield maiden before hand and without you realizing it.

◾ Even if you wished not to become a shield maiden, you would be taught more than just the basics to keep yourself and your home safe.

◾ When hearing of this news, your father Ragnar would be authentically proud of you for stepping up and finding something that you took great interest in.

◾ He would thus end up teaching you a thing or two in training.

◾ Your father would practice with you, wishing to be soft with you, but if you were not learning, he would demonstrate many of the dangers that could become possible upon the battlefield.

◾ Please be aware that your parents would support you with anything that you truly desired; doing their best to nurture that and help you to achieve your dream.

◾ They would definitely keep their eyes focused on you, even when you think that they do not, they are. They would not wish to lose you.

◾ Your parents would make sure to tell your Uncle Rollo or older brother Bjorn to keep a very close eye on you when they are gone or when they are too busy. 

◾ Your father and mother would try their best to make time for you, if it were to be one on one or just in the form of a loving family moment. They would cherish each and every second with you and would treat it like it were to be their last. 

◾ Your mother Lagertha would take yourself and your sister Gyda on fishing trips, teaching the pair of you how to catch fish the proper way. She would also teach you how to prepare fish the right way, also.

◾ With that said, your parents reminding you to one day teach your own children the techniques and joys of farming, so then your children will know. Thus hopefully your own will carry it through the future generations to come.

◾ Your parents would teach yourself and your siblings the ways of farming, sometimes telling you stories of what they both went through, giving you tips on how to look after the farm the proper way.

◾ Rollo spoiling you rotten, as well as your siblings, which would make you all smile.

◾ Your parents telling you old tales of the Gods and old legends that their own parents had told them when they were growing up. 

◾ Your father taking you on trips to see Floki the famous boat builder and his wife Helga, which ends up with Helga teaching you how to make convenient medicines and what different herbs can cure what, etc.

◾ Since you visit Floki so much, the boat builder would end up teaching you the ways of building a boat and would let you help him with carving wood pieces for the boat that he was building at that moment in time. 

◾ All of your family members and family friends being extremely protective of you and making sure that no harm were to come your way. 

◾ Training with your father whilst your mother watches with a proud look, only for Bjorn and Gyda to join in. 

◾ Sticking close with your siblings. 

◾ When your parents split up, you find it very hard to pick whether to stay with your father, Ragnar, or going with your mother, Lagertha. In that way, you share the confusion and inner-conflict that Bjorn does.

◾ When you tell your mother that you bleed for the first time, she would be so proud, helping you through the entire process.

◾ Being extremely close to Athelstan and the other citizens in Kattegat when the plague hit and mourning your late sister.

◾ You and Gyda would be close, being the only girls and losing her would cause you to mourn her loss in such a hard way that it would worry those who love you, especially your mother and father.

◾ Athelstan would comfort you during this time, causing you to be much closer to him than your siblings.

◾ Bjorn would inadvertently be the one to pull you out of your depression, forming a closer bond between their pair of you. Your mother and father would smile at this, telling you how proud Gyda would be that you two are sticking together.

◾ Being utterly loved by your family and the family’s close friends. 

◾ Having your parents temperament at times; which often causes humorous bickering between them.  

◾ “Our beloved daughter has the temperament of a wild beast. I wonder where she inherited such a quality from.” Ragnar would sarcastically remark to Lagertha as he gets ready to drink his ale. 

◾ “Oh, I’m not sure, dear husband” Lagertha would state sarcastically. “Something tells me my love, that the God’s have blessed this world with another beautiful young woman who just can’t digest the stupidity of men who do not think before they speak.” She would say as friendly as Ragnar had began before she almost growled the rest out; resulting in Ragnar nearly spitting out his ale. 

◾ If you were to suffer from night terrors just know that your mother and father would try their best to calm you down and comfort you whilst this happened. 

◾ “There is no reason to be terrified our dear daughter…” Your mother uttered out as she softly moved the damp wet messy hair that clung to you forehead away. “It was only a bad dream…” Your father began as he made his way over to where your bed was.  “We would never let a phantom go near you, dear child.” 

◾ If you stayed with Ragnar, you would miss your mother desperately. You would have ill feelings towards your father at first, but you knew that he would need you. At least you had Athelstan during this time.

◾ You wouldn’t really like Aslaug all too much, but you would tolerate her. You may even eventually grow closer to her, but reminding her that she would never replace your mother.

◾ If you were to go with your mother, you would miss your father, your uncle Rollo, everyone in Kattegat and Athelstan. You would long for the day that your family would be reunited once again. And due to the circumstances of Lagertha’s new marriage, you would be heavily protected by her and Bjorn.

◾ When, and if possibly, you reunited with either of your parents, there would be tears shed and many celebrations set out and experienced.

◾ People would often look at you and Bjorn and see greatness, as your parents were so famous.

◾ When going on raids, your family would fight together, and what a strong unit it would be.

◾ Even though you are only the half-sister’s of Ubbe, Sigurd, Hvitserk and Ivar, you would love them as your full brothers. They would love you immensely and be protective over you.

◾ You would mourn your fathers death as you may be more sensitive, but you would accompany your brothers upon seeking to avenge him.

◾ When your half-brothers attempt to kill your mother, you would not settle for it, nor would you settle for Astrid threatening your brothers, or your mother for that matter. You would feel caught in the middle in such a situation.

◾ Even though over the years your family had been broken up and become dysfunctional, you would be happy to have parents as you do, no matter the mistakes that they have made.

ragnar & lagertha gif : source - 🏹

hope you enjoyed! please follow for more, lovelies.

BSD Novel: Dazai Osamu and the Dark Era (Chapter 1, 7/9)

If you haven’t thanked @nakaharachuyaa for proofreading please do! We are literally tumbling into an abyss of hell. Scan by @akutagawaprize (all scans here)

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A/N: This fic was a story I wrote as a labour of love for myself, and I have absurdly tight hugs for anyone who liked or has sent me nice things about it because it’s kinda close to my heart and now so are you.


Bird of Prey (3/3)

Swan Mythology AU

Part 1 & Part 2 // FFnet // AO3


Eight for a wish

Nine for a kiss

Ten for a bird, you must not miss.


The dark water keeps many secrets.

It keeps the secrets of magic, secrets of the night, secrets of swans. He’s sure it keeps other less grim mysteries – the morning ritual of kingfishers, the parting words of autumn leaves, the rippled steps to a dragonfly’s dance. But the water is too murky, too dubious. It keeps the big secrets in with the little.

And now it keeps his.

It keeps the blood that mars his hands, washes it in the dark so that no one else can see it.

The night is too dark to see his face shining back at him in its reflection, but there’s blood caked on his skin, he can feel it drying and cracking in the breeze, smeared by the touches of his face he hadn’t even been aware he’d been doing.

Killian watches, numbed in a way and alert in every other, as the black lake washes away the blood that had wept down his arm with rippled water and aggravated fingernails. He cups the water in his hands too, washing his face, the cool water a chill relief, cleaning off the dried remnants of someone else’s life.

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anonymous asked:

I've seen this around before and I'm a bit confused - is Sansa poisoning Sweetrobin deliberately? Because I used to think Sansa cares for sweetrobin a little - she may be doing it unintentionally or w/o knowing the full effects of it; What do you think? And do you think SR will end up dying because of this?

You’re getting at a lot here, and my response is going to be long because you’re asking a question that I’ve been meaning to write about for about two years now but keep falling on the floor moaning and not writing because my thoughts on the matter are longer and stickier than I want them to be.  So thanks for providing the catalyst I needed to write this, but also I’m kinda shakin’ my fist @ u it was so nice to let my laziness be in charge of me, u feel me?

I’m going to break my response down into a few different sections because, as I said above, my response is long and sticky.

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Baby? What Baby? (Rizzoli & Isles, 5x01-5x09)

After days of trying to understand what the writers were thinking with this pregnancy arc, I’ve come to the sad conclusion that they weren’t thinking much at all.
The miscarriage would have been a perfect chance to show character growth, but instead we got silly jokes about IKEA assembly instructions and Fred Flintstone vitamin bottles.
Except for a handful of scenes scattered over 9 episodes, the baby didn’t even seem to exist for Jane. Given that this was supposed to be a Jane-centric arc, her role in this was actually rather insignificant.
In retrospect, the baby was a meaningless plot point. We didn’t see it, we didn’t connect with it, and once we got rid of it, we celebrated with pizza and beer. Tamaro created this mess, but Nash made it worse.

I don’t claim to have a perfect solution (and I’m not getting paid to come up with one), but at least in my mind, the pregnancy arc happened as described below. Scroll further down for a short fanfic to fix the ending of 5x09:

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