and made no sense no matter how you'd look at it

anonymous asked:

Top 5 things you'd change in Merlin?

1. Acknowledge that Uther and the Great Dragon are the series villains that make the most sense. I mean, on the one side we have a king who committed genocide and continues to perpetuate it to this day (in his wife’s name, cool motive still murder) and a dragon who has a reason to have a revenge vendetta against that king, immediately starts killing people when freed, and makes a bunch of prophecies that are completely self-fulfilling. On the other side, we have a series of women who had their friends and family and way of life ripped away from them and want to take revenge on the person who caused all their heartache while stopping that genocide, and a focus on a woman who tried to protest that king’s unjust laws even before she found out they would apply to her and was drugged by someone she trusted instead of trained the way he trained some kid he’d just barely met. Like, tell me again that it makes sense for Morgana to be a villain given this set-up?

But a story where Merlin and Arthur and Morgana and Gwen are pawns caught between Uther and the Dragon’s revenges and wrest control of the story away and make a true golden age? That’s far more interesting.

2. Speaking of which, GIVE US A DAMN GOLDEN AGE. If destiny was destiny (see the next number on this list) and Arthur was always supposed to bring us a golden age, where the fuck was it before he died? Magic never came back to Camelot. The wrongs were never righted. Camelot is going to be a mess after that last huge battle against Morgana. Where’s the Golden Age? If they weren’t going to give it to us, the show should have ended with Arthur alive and making a commitment to that golden age, rather than with his death.

3. Destiny. Look, I’m going to make this easy. Give us one episode where there’s a prophecy made about something bad where Merlin and company say “nope, we’re not letting that happen,” and it doesn’t happen. Let people’s choices matter. What’s the point of acting out a story that’s already been written out ahead of you? It was lazy writing and it was fucked-up worldbuilding that was never acknowledged to be fucked-up and by the end of my time in the fandom I was eyetwitching a little whenever anyone in the show or the fandom mentioned destiny as a positive thing. It was a mess of self-fulfilling prophecies and the only one that didn’t come true was the good one where Arthur would bring about a golden age and return magic to Camelot.

4. MAGIC REVEAL FFS. After a while it was lazy writing, and they thought the secret was the mechanism the show ran on when it really wasn’t. Merlin should have told Morgana the second she showed signs of being magical and he should have told Arthur … oh, I would have picked the end of s2, cliffhung, and picked up s3 with a full season of Arthur yelling at Merlin and slowly coming around to realize that magic wasn’t evil, so when he took the throne in s4 he would be able to start slowly grappling with what he wants to change and how much. I know this is Merlin’s story and not Arthur’s, but Merlin stops looking like a hero the longer he keeps the secret and lets Arthur continue to persecute people like him, and it makes Arthur less of the legendary king we’re meant to be seeing.

5. Consistent tone. We went from “silly family show” to “in the game of thrones you win or you die” and it was a mess. Also the cringey Comedy Episodes. Can we be light with less fart jokes?

Bonus List Of More Achievable Goals

1. Instead of Gwen’s s5 plot being her being mind controlled, instead she recruits Sefa as a double agent so a. we get two non-evil recurring ladies and b. Gwen gets to be badass and queenly instead of losing her agency.

2. Loathly Lady episode. This episode replaces the Gwen/Lancelot zombie mind control mess.

3. At least twice a season, we briefly see a magic user who is friendly, not a tool of the villain, and not planning to kill anyone. It can be brief, but it has to happen and at least one of those people has to live.

4. Less fart jokes. I think we can manage that, I think that’s acheivable.

5. Tristan dies instead of Isolde and she becomes a lady knight.

anonymous asked:

Hello! I love your Gaston stories. I was wondering if you'd do one where Gaston ends up getting cursed like the Beast did (or instead of the Beast) and the reader is his Belle? :)

Pairing: Gaston x Reader
Fandom: Disney ; Beauty and the Beast (2017)
Warnings: /

A/N: I’m so glad you enjoy my Gaston stories, darling! I hope you enjoy your request as well <33

                                                          *****

You were on your way to the neighbor village, trying to get some special fabric for your mother’s birthday next week. The journey with the horse was supposed to only take you an hour or so, but you had to ride through the woods and got lost about thirty minutes ago, still trying to find your way back to the path that would lead your way.

Or any path for that matter.

“Oh, Marié, I think we’re utterly lost,” you petted the head of your horse.

It would still be quite some time till darkness would set in though, so at least you didn’t have to worry about that for now.

You got off your horse and tied her reins to a nearby tree.

“Alright. Let’s see where we are,” you looked up a tree that should’ve been high enough for you to see which way to go.

You started your climb, as careful as possible, which was a little hard with a long dress, but you somehow managed.

You found your way to the crown of the tree that was overlooking the entire forest. With that, you now knew where to go. A proud smile set on your lips that quickly disappeared when you heard Marié neighing. Loudly at that. She was your horse since she was a foal, so at this point, you knew what sounds she made when she felt certain things. Right now, she felt fear.

“Marié?” you began your climb back down, a little rushed maybe, which was a bad idea, since you missed a branch and fell down. Only a few feet, but enough to hurt yourself.

Your horse was still there, at least that was a relief.

“Are you alright?” a voice asked. A deep voice.

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FIC: Practicality, Revisited

Fandom: Critical Role
Pairing: Kima/Allura
Rating: G
Word Count: 1,626
Summary: In the fifteen years since their travels together, the distance between Kima and Allura has widened. Somehow, the Underdark helps to close the gap.
Also on: AO3
Notes: For Critical Role Relationship Week. The random generator was very kind to me for the first day. :) My interpretation of the re-kindling of Kima and Allura’s relationship, taking place around episode 14.


Kima hangs back, behind her—ugh—rescuers. This is certainly not the way she imagined her next visit to Allura. Well, it never is. She always imagines that she’ll stroll in, armor gleaming—at least she got that much right—nonchalant, the trouble vanquished, nothing can keep Kima down, certainly not. It falls short every damn time.

More fool her, that she could think to match Allura’s grace, her poise. As the years have worn on, she’s only gotten further from it.

“We’ve brought you a present,” Vax says, and Kima grits her teeth at the humiliation of it.

These feelings of resentment, though, they don’t last long when the people in front of her move aside and the sun shines—as it always has—on Allura: lingering golden in her half-braided hair, picking out the clear seawater blue of her eyes. It is always this moment when Kima feels, like a sword to the belly, the pain of missing her. Always pushed down, muffled, while they’re apart, it rises to the forefront when they’re thrust together again. Even here, with barely an arm’s reach between them, they still might as well be an ocean apart.

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  • Priest: So who have you got on the outside? A boyfriend, from what I hear?
  • Aaron: Is this the bit where the kind priest makes friends with the nasty inmate?
  • Priest: Kind? I've not even offered you a biscuit yet. But, yeah, sometimes this is where friendships form, within accepted parameters. Other times, someone acts how you're being now, then it gets tedious.
  • Aaron: Well, come on. Let's get on with it. Pat me on the head and give me some rosary beads and tell me it's all gonna be all right.
  • Priest: I never tell anyone it's gonna be all right. I hope it will, but I can't see the future.
  • Aaron: My mim and my little sister... on the outside. A few mates.
  • Priest: What's your boyfriend's name?
  • Aaron: Robert.
  • Priest: And how's he doing with all this?
  • Aaron: Fine, I guess.
  • Priest: He doesn't have Jason to contend with, I suppose.
  • Aaron: I can handle him.
  • Priest: You're doing a good impression of someone who can't, if you don't mind me saying.
  • Aaron: Well, actually I do mind you saying, yeah, because you know nothing. You flounce round here with your 'Bless you, child.' You met me an hour ago and you've only just scraped the first millimetre of the tip of an iceberg you can't even imagine the size of.
  • Priest: Oh! Poor baby's had it hard, has he? Did your mum used to hit you? Did she start before you can even rememberand hit you every day and tell you you're useless and you'd made your dad run off and you'd ruined her lif? And did you dread going home from school because you knew there'd be something new you'd done that gave her another excuse? And did she put you in the hospital when you were ten and tell the nurses you'd been in a fight because were an evil little git? And did you push it all down because it's wrong to hit girls? But then, one time, after years, when she came at you with a 6"stiletto, did you put her on her backside with a broken nose and end up in a young offenders' instiitute? Or was that me? We've all lived a life that's brought us to this point... and we all think our stories make us special. They don't.
  • Aaron: And did she rape you, your mum?
  • Priest: No, she didn't your dad did. So what? I could go out on the balcony and spit on half a dozen people who've been through the same. Be a bit harsh, though.
  • Aaron: I'm just sick of being this person.
  • Priest: Hard luck. You're all you've got.
  • Aaron: You know he actually said something that makes sense. Jason. He said that I, erm... He said I could change my name, but it doesn't change who I am.
  • Priest: He's right. You're always gonna be Gordon's son, but it doesn't have to define you. Be proud of it.
  • Aaron: Proud?
  • Priest: You're the son of a man who repeatedly abused you, but you've still made something of your life. I mean, obviously right now, you're in prison for assault. You're a thug, no offence. I'm talking about the future, if that's the one you decide for yourself.
  • Aaron: Yeah, cos it's that eaysy.
  • Priest: Well, it's easy to try. You remind me of Jason, you know. Not the waste of life you know. No, the Jason of five or six years ago, on his first time around. Broody little thing, had his issues, but had a bit of spark as well. Some decency. He was havong a rough time with the prison hards and he was missing home. Him and his girlfriend had just had a baby. Trying to front it all out. I said 'You can't. You need to talk to her, to someone.' He wasn't having that. Too proud. Said he'd sort it himself. Proved me wrong, I suppose.
  • Aaron: Good for him.
  • Priest: Oh, yeah. Girlfriend moved to new Zealand. He'll never see the kid. Probably spend moft of his life on here, or somewhere like it.
  • Aaron: And I'm supposed to feel sorry for him?
  • Priest: I want you to look at him and then at yourself and see if you see a difference. There is one, but it'll get smaller. And if you bottle all your problems up and deal with them how he did, when you leave here, you'll be going back to your boyfriend, your sister and your mum, another loser who the system spat out. Is that who you wanna be?
  • Aaron: No.
  • Priest: Then tell the people who matter to you what you're going through. It'll help.
Frat D&D Hilights: 5
  • Elf: So....I'm still a little fucked up from sacrificing the fighter...should I be conflicted from that or...?
  • Me: Roll for Depression.
  • Elf: *Nat 1*
  • Me: You couldn't care fucking less about the Fighter. You could go around and sacrifice the rest of the party right now you'd feel on top of the fucking world.
  • Elf: That...wait what?
  • Me: Don't trust your feelings to the dice dude.
  • -------
  • Cleric: Okay first thing I wanna do is go to the Mage's Guild.
  • Paladin: You can't just assume every city has a Mage's Guild!
  • Cleric: Of course I can! Major Hub Cities have Guild Halls for every major power, that's how these games work!
  • Paladin: But what if like the Mages being magical pricks like they tend to be fight or something and they just dont?
  • Cleric: *looks at me* Is there a Mage's Guild?
  • Me: *pauses*
  • Me: *thinks up backstory*
  • Me: Well there WAS before the Schism a few months back. The varied Colleges got into an argument about something. Someone slept with an Archmage's Daughter, accusations were thrown from College to College, and here it just became a total mess. They call it the Week of Darkness here because at one point they displaced the Sun from the town. So they physically separated the Tower into different quadrants of the city until they can learn to cooperate again.
  • Cleric: *Glares at Paladin* Fuck you.
  • -------
  • Replacement Fighter Who Totally Isn't The Same Player With A Virtually Identical Character To The Last One He Rolled: I ENTER THE RING!
  • Me: The crowd cheers and your opponent enters.
  • FighterV2: I TAUNT HIM AND SAID I FUCKED HIS WIFE.
  • Me: Your opponent looks confused and says he's gay.
  • FighterV2: What.
  • Me: This is a progressive realm, dude. People love who people love. For fuck's sake there's magic and dragons and all that shit and reality bending nonsense. You'd have to be ass-backwards to make sexuality an issue.
  • FighterV2: Oh. Okay yeah that makes sense.
  • FighterV2: I TAUNT HIM AND SAID I FUCKED HIS HUSBAND!
  • Cleric: Dwarvenkind has made great strides this day...
  • --------
  • Paladin: Okay so where can we get this asshole's wand?
  • Elf: I'm not an asshole!
  • Paladin: You're a Sorcerer with a Bow. You're an asshole. So.
  • Elf: To the Mage's Guild!
  • Me: *smiles*
  • Paladin: ...About that.
  • Cleric: HA!
  • --------
  • Me: You sit in the prison, awaiting trial for assaulting a member of the Guard.
  • FighterV2: WE WERE IN THE RING@!?
  • Me: And after the match was over you said you wanted to keep hitting him.
  • FighterV2: Because we were in the ring.
  • Me: And the guards have repeatedly ignored that argument because it's not a fucking argument Chris now seriously. You're all in the cell. What do you do?
  • Cleric: I want to see if I can smuggle something in.
  • Me: I'm gonna call that a combination Sleight Of Hand check and Dexterity check.
  • Cleric: *easily passes both* WHERE WERE THOSE IN COMBAT?!
  • Me: Doesn't matter now. What did you want to smuggle in?
  • Cleric: The other satchel charge.
  • Me: ....
  • Paladin: ....
  • Elf: ....
  • FighterV2: .....
  • Me: ...The twin to the one that blew up the Ghoul Tunnels?
  • Cleric: Yes.
  • Me: The one that completely annihilated an entire graveyard infection of ghouls with divine fire because of a bullshit roll?
  • Cleric: Absofuckinglutely.
  • Me: The bomb which will PROBABLY misfire or ACTIVELY KILL YOU AND THE ENTIRE PARTY!?
  • Cleric: Rextor The Regressor blessed the first one I see no reason why he shouldn't bless this one as well.
  • Paladin: Dude.
  • FighterV2: Bruh.
  • Elf: ...
  • Me: Well I can't complain, you passed the test. You smuggle the alchemic Doom Bomb in. What now?
  • Cleric: I... * looks to the party members.
  • Cleric: ...want to...*stares me in the eye*
  • Cleric: ....Call a guard over, get a flame in my hand, and tell him what the last one did, and threaten to light it if he doesn't let us out.
  • Me: oh sweet jesus I really thought you were going another direction with that.
  • ---------
  • Me: *has a golem NPC who kills Dwayne 'The Roc' Johnson*
  • Paladin: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Rolls to attack, fails*
  • Me: The Golem looks to you, a towering, stoic creature of stone and power. It looks down at you in pure disdain. Head domed and with rubies for eyes. One could say that his expression was...
  • Paladin: ...
  • Cleric: ...
  • Elf: ....
  • FighterV2: ...
  • Me: ...Stone Cold.
  • Paladin: YOU SON OF A BITCH

Boxer!Luke continuation from this

Gif credit to 2k15luke

Word count: 1k

A/N: It’s a bit longer than the first part and deals with mature themes (not really though), so read with caution.

This got angstier than intended.



You saw the way his facial features visibly unclenched and relaxed when he was sleeping. You took in the light pout that was grazing his lips and just how peaceful he seemed. You tried to memorize it all because it would be the only time you’d see him like that, the only opportunity before you both went back to distant and cold behaviour. You mentally sighed and wrapped yourself up in his blanket before Luke would wake up and snap at you to leave.

~

In the end he tried to be nice or at least not kick you out of his bed so fast. You were not a normal girl he fucked that he didn’t want to see anymore, no, you were his roommate and he actually liked seeing you entangled in the sheets, eyes blinking heavily with sleep and with nothing more than a shirt underneath. Even though he’d like you even more with nothing covering your body. He hated himself the second his mind came up with the visual. Inappropriate but also tender thoughts about you had come to him more often than he wanted in the last few months that you stayed with him and he just wanted to shake them off. A relationship was not what he was searching for, let alone love and care.

He had to pull himself away from you, away from the temptation that indeed you were but Luke was never good with self control. He wasn’t ever going to sleep with you in a bed again, he vowed to himself, naked or with clothes on, sober or high. And he definitely wouldn’t fall in love with you because fuck it, then he would be screwed.

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Who You Should Fight: Incomplete Tales Player Character Edition
  • Cress: Fight Cress. Plot twist: do it with puns. I'll spot you one. "I wanted to be a dentist but I couldn't bear the thought of always looking down in the mouth."
  • Mint: Don't fight Mint. Why would you. Go bake something.
  • Chester: Fight Chester but only before he gets the chance to level up.
  • Claus: Fight Claus. Old bookworm is toast.
  • Arche: She can rain fire and lightning down from her flying broom. No part of this is a good idea. Don't fight Arche.
  • Suzu: If you're okay with the fact that she's a wee moppet, fight Suzu. Otherwise don't bother, she would sense your weakness.
  • Stahn: Fight Stahn first thing in the morning. Easy win.
  • Rutee: Engaging has only one inevitable outcome: she will rob you blind. Win, lose, draw, your wallet's ending up in her pocket somehow. Avoid.
  • Mary: DO NOT FIGHT MARY.
  • Garr: You might be able to beat Garr, but the guy is so gracious and nice you'd feel like a complete turd for it. Your call.
  • Chelsea: Fight Chelsea. If you refused she would just get pissed and pester you into it anyway. Might as well cut out the middleman.
  • Philia: Dude, don't fight Philia. She makes explosives as a hobby. Even if you did somehow win, she's a tiny priestess with glasses bigger than her head. There's no good outcome here.
  • Leon: Don't fight Leon. Befriend Leon. Then fight Leon. He will be easier to defeat if you confuse him with feelings first.
  • Bruiser: Fight Bruiser. Not because you could win, but because he would want you to fight him. You'll pretty definitely lose, actually. But then he would be your bro.
  • Karyl: I mean, I guess if you really hate music? Seems like a hollow victory though, beating up a band nerd.
  • Lilith: Do not fight Lilith. She has spent her life kicking her brother around. She will destroy you with cookware. Befriend Lilith and maybe she will make you pancakes instead.
  • Reid: Lbr, you would have a hell of a time provoking him into it. Just take a nap and get lunch with him later.
  • Farah: Do not fight Farah. She will murder you and not feel sorry about it.
  • Keele: You could take Keele. You probably wouldn't feel that good about it though.
  • Meredy: Don't fight Meredy. I don't have any solid reasoning here, it just seems like a bad idea and mean besides.
  • Max: Fight Max. This is easier said than done as the guy is a monster. But he would respect you and talk about cute animals with you if you survive.
  • Chat: Fight Chat. You definitely won't feel good about this, but it's the only way to avoid getting press-ganged into her service.
  • Lloyd: It can't be done. He has already made friends with you in the time it took to read that sentence.
  • Colette: Don't fight Colette, what the hell is wrong with you? Fuck. Go pet some dogs and rethink your life.
  • Genis: You could slam dunk this punk-ass nerd, but it would be sweeter to beat him in a contest of brains. Crack those books!
  • Raine: Nothing to gain here. Don't fight Raine. Use her to help you destroy Genis.
  • Kratos: Fight Kratos. Just fucking go to town on his ass. Then send him to some fucking parenting classes.
  • Sheena: Fight Sheena. She'll be offended if you don't and beat you up anyway.
  • Zelos: Zelos fights dirty. There's not really much to be gained by physical confrontation. Take a leaf from Lloyd's book and destroy him with the power of friendship. Pulverize him with trust. Slaughter him with your good heart.
  • Presea: You couldn't win, and if you did, you would have just beaten up a twelve-year-old with pigtails. Don't fight Presea.
  • Regal: This one is almost too easy. Make him feel guilty about something first and he won't even try to fight back. All yours.
  • Senel: Dude is stone cold. Unless you're Shirley, don't. If you are Shirley, absolutely do.
  • Shirley: Definitely don't fight Shirley. There are only three ways this fight could go: you would be fighting a destructive immortal primal force, you would be fighting a pissed off Senel, or you would be fighting Shirley. None of these is the key to a good life.
  • Will: Fight Will. Fight Will the same way you would play with a dog: throw him a bone. While he's distracted geeking out over Australopuffenstuff, he should go down with relative ease, despite his size.
  • Chloe: Fight Chloe. She has so much honor a dirty trick or two would bring her down without much trouble.
  • Moses: Go ahead and fight Moses. A single purple nurple would destroy him.
  • Norma: Whether or not you should fight Norma depends entirely on who else is around that she might try to put between herself and you.
  • Jay: It is impossible to fight dirtier than Jay. No matter how low you think you're sinking, he will sink lower. Don't fight Jay. You can't win.
  • Grune: Dude, why would you fight Grune? Do you hate happiness and joy that much? Don't fight Grune you emo nihilist fuck.
  • Luke: Fight Luke. There's not really much behind this choice, only I think he would appreciate the chance to spar. What? IT'S OKAY TO BE NICE SOMETIMES.
  • Tear: Don't fight Tear. She can knock you out cold in half a dozen notes. Not a smart or lucrative move on your part.
  • Guy: There's nothing wrong with choosing to fight Guy, but why would you? He's so friendly and chill. Hang out with Guy instead.
  • Anise: Don't fight Anise. Hunt for a rich husband with Anise. Or be her rich husband, I guess, if that's a viable option.
  • Jade: Do you have a death wish don't fight Jade he may not kill you on the spot but you will never feel secure sleeping with both eyes closed again.
  • Natalia: Fighting Natalia means invoking the wrath of an entire country. In a world where there are only two countries. I wouldn't advise it.
  • Asch: Hasn't the guy been through enough, shit
  • Yuri: Fight Yuri. Absolutely fight Yuri. I will pay you to fight Yuri. Just punch him in the face as hard as you fucking can.
  • Estelle: Fight Estelle if you can do it without being a dick about it. She'll thank you for the privilege, then patch you right up.
  • Repede: The fuck would you fight a dog for are you a sociopath are you on the road to becoming a serial killer
  • Karol: He's twelve and once stood his ground against a giant fish monster. Don't fight Karol. Don't be that guy.
  • Rita: Bro, what part of this sounds like a good idea? She wouldn't even feel bad about flaying you.
  • Raven: Fight Raven if you have boobs at all and are willing to use them to your advantage. If not, you could probably still take him but it's going to take a bit more effort.
  • Judith: Do I even need to say it? She will destroy you. Do you want to be destroyed? Don't fight Judith.
  • Flynn: Fight Flynn. Dude will only play by the rules and can't even do fatal strikes. Take his ass down. Then fight Yuri again.
  • Asbel: Don't fight Sophie.
  • Sophie: Don't fight Sophie.
  • Hubert: Don't fight Sophie.
  • Cheria: Don't fight Sophie.
  • Malik: Don't fight Sophie.
  • Pascal: Don't fight Sophie.
  • Richard: Don't fight Sophie.
  • Jude: Why would you fight a tiny puppy? A tiny puppy med student. Why would you do this were you not hugged enough as a child.
  • Milla: Go for it. You probably won't win, depending on your timing, but I mean. Both of you would probably find it an entertaining learning experience if you don't die.
  • Alvin: Absolutely fight Alvin. Fight him right now. Fucking go. If you fight one person on this list, fight Kratos. But if you fight two also fight Alvin.
  • Elize: Wh
  • Rowen: Either you're dead or you just beat up an old man whose only crime was trying to serve you tea. Do you feel good about yourself? Do you??
  • Leia: Don't fight Leia. She is a genki red oni who was never taught the meaning of mercy. Team up with Leia to fight Alvin again.

anonymous asked:

Wait what the hell. Snape is constantly victim-blamed and misunderstood by HP fans all the time, idk what books you read but if you actually paid attention you'd know he's the one who needs empathy and defending.

First? I’m establishing that he’s my favorite character. Literally #1, maybe tied with Lupin on a given day. I still write and read Snape fanfic. After all these years. (Ew, gross I hate that quote, haha).

I think this is important because I notice my fellow fans making excuses for him constantly and selectively recalling certain things in his storyline and not others. I want my diehard potterhead pals to see we can criticize him appropriately (and a lot) & stay serious fans. And we can stop romanticizing his very, very dark storyline.

It is not about how bad he had it growing up. It’s about how he adjusted, grew, and dealt with things as a grown man. I have endless empathy for his terrible childhood (having had strikingly similar disadvantages), and I hope everyone does. And at times, yes: Snape is victim-blamed. His difficult life made it hard for him to be accepted, and sometimes this was over petty shit like his appearance or his poverty (like the dirty underwear—which made me cry for literally days after reading in book 5). So he joined up with the bad crowd, not uncommon for those of us who struggle. And I empathize with how this caused so much bad in his life, from calling Lily a mudblood to becoming a Death Eater. But by the time he is a Death Eater, he is still an adult man, and he is responsible for himself. And he does some good and some bad with that.

We know the good: he saved Harry, looked after him many times (quidditch, shrieking shack, forbidden forest, etc.), worked as a spy in the most violent dark wizard group, killed a mentor he loved when he had to, gave his life for the war, and so much more. We all know this stuff, but his story doesn’t end there. So let’s move on to the bad:

  1. Snape emotionally abused his students. He targeted Harry and his friends relentlessly because of a childhood insecurity associated with a dead man. This is horrid, and it is inexcusable. Harry was not Snape’s abuser; James was. There is the flimsy argument that it was all for show due to his position as a spy, but I’d argue he had a choice: he could be nice (or at least decent) to Harry and explain to the Dark wizards that THAT was an act to please Dumbledore. Either way, this seems flimsy, especially given Snape’s personalized lines of abuse (“you’re like your father,” etc.)
  2. Snape abused Neville to the point that his literal WORST FEAR IN THE ENTIRE WORLD was Professor Snape (remember the boggart?). At 13, with parents mentally tortured to the point of no repair and a myriad of bullies at school, Neville fears his teacher. Fuck that, Snape. No good. 
  3. Snape exposes Lupin as a werewolf, forcing a very poor man out of the first work he has gotten in yeeeeears. Lupin faces the sort of violent prejudice that prevents steady work and reliable housing. Snape ruined it to get revenge for something the Marauders did 16+ years earlier. Petty, selfish, juvenile, cruel, prejudiced, unforgivable. No matter how damaged Snape was by the awful abuse of the Marauders, he is not excused for exploiting social prejudice to cut off the lifeline of a man he hasn’t seen in over a decade. I will never forgive this.
  4. Snape left the Death Eaters for one reason and one reason alone: Voldemort killed Lily. I am not satisfied with this reason. Death Eaters are genocidal wizard supremacists. THIS is the reason he should have left—not just because he finally lost someone who mattered to him in particular. (I have heard the argument that the Lily thing was the straw that broke the camel’s back, but there is no textual evidence to support this, imo.) 
  5. LILY. GOD, THE LILY SHIT! It doesn’t get me heated as bad as the Lupin shit because the werebaby is my #2/#1 fave, but, fuck, I think this is actually worse. He called her MUDBLOOD. Lily is 100% justified in distancing herself from him after this. He is not a victim of Lily. Lily is a victim of Severus. He loved her, and that’s fine, but he did not understand how to respect her as a person, honor her boundaries, and understand her freedom to date who she pleases. Love is not enough as we see in the Severus/Lily story. I will excuse his teenage cruelty only because he was so young and mentally weak from abuse and ostracism, but it unfortunately extends into his adulthood. His love becomes obsession, I would argue. It is not healthy to emotionally stalk after someone when they are married to someone else. Lotta people make excuses here. (“He loves her!”) Fine, you have your (shitty, wrong, creeper apologist) opinion, I have mine. What is NON-DEBATABLE is the fact that he took out his childish jealousy of James on Harry and only looked after Harry because of a creepy, hollow sense of attachment to his mother. Which would have been sweet if he had not been cruel to Harry the whole time & seriously abusive and creepy to Lily as he aged, like fuck. The attachment was basically fabricated in his mind, maybe because he was so lonely, whatever. It’s sad he was lonely; it’s not okay that he felt so entitled to her. It’s not okay that he couldn’t honor her memory or her choices by being kind to her son.

And you know what? I’ve seen way longer lists of his bad behavior, but I’m cutting mine “short” since the Lily stuff gets on people’s nerves. They really wanna read it sweet, and I’m having none of it. The “always” line is the creepiest shit, and I do not enjoy its widespread popularity.

Snape did some cool stuff, but y’all are delusional if you think that it excuses his garbage behavior. He is an adult responsible for his prejudices and abusive behavior. He is *dynamic* and *fascinating* and also definitely awful. Maybe it’s not his fault (eh, he’s an adult, so imma sat it is), but he definitely does some shit stuff & I won’t overlook it because he cried out some memories into a vial.

anonymous asked:

I was wondering if you'd be willing to write a prompt? I just got a horrible haircut that makes me feel like the ugliest person to ever walk the earth and ugh. Maybe Remus gets a bad cut that just tips him over since he's self concious to begin with and Sirius makes him feel better and see his own beauty or something? Thank you and sorry for bothering you over something so stupid. Anyway, I hope you have a lovely day!

If this whole thing sounds overdramatic to anyone, you’ve obviously never had a bad hair day while trying to maintain your already low self esteem. 

  • Remus was hiding.
  • He had taken the invisibility cloak and run out of the dorms, not stopping till he was safely tucked into the nook at the very back of the library where no one wanted to come, scared of the dark and the wall that refused to stop vibrating. 
  • He had just wanted to give himself a trim.
  • Remus had lived his entire life with his unruly curls that refused to be tamed, but they were at least tolerable when they weren’t long enough to constantly tickle his eyelids. 
  • So he’d decided to take a pair of scissors and do something about his fringe. 
  • But then he looked weird with long hair all over and then short hair at the front, so he started trimming the hair at the top of his head. 
  • That only ended up in making him look like Arnold from Hey Arnold! and somehow, he ended up shaving all his hair off in weird patches. 
  • And now he was hiding. 
  • Remus had always felt worthless. 
  • He didn’t understand why James, Sirius and Peter even wanted to be friends with him, considering how little he brought to the group. 
  • James was the mastermind and the charmer, Sirius was the eye-candy and the controlled evil, and Peter was the funny guy. 
  • Remus was…nothing. 
  • He didn’t have the devious or calculating nature that Sirius and James possessed, didn’t have the dry sense of humour that Peter was loved for and he was definitely not as classically beautiful as Sirius.
  • But he did have his hair. 
  • Well, he had once had hair that made James want to coddle him and made Sirius want to drag him into an abandoned classroom for an impromptu make-out session. 
  • And now he had nothing. 
  • “Remus?”
  • Of course. Remus wasn’t even smart enough to cover his tracks properly by taking away the Marauders’ Map before making his escape. 
  • Fucking useless, he thought to himself bitterly as he watched Sirius whisper a soft lumos and look around the library, brow furrowed.
  • “Remus, I know you’re here,” Sirius said, “and I know you have the invisibility cloak so I probably won’t be able to find you. I’m just going to…sit here and wait for you to come out when you’re ready.”
  • Remus rolled his eyes, as if Sirius couldn’t find exactly what corner of the library Remus was sitting in on the Map. 
  • “Why are you here, Sirius?” he asked. 
  • Sirius’ shoulders tensed, eyes flitting to where Remus was sitting. “Why do you think I’m here, Remus? Could it be because my boyfriend has been hiding here since morning, has missed all his classes and his meals, and I am worried?” 
  • Remus felt himself deflate at that. He wasn’t angry at Sirius, he was angry at himself. For being average at everything, for being useless at everything. 
  • “I’ve tried giving you space, Remus, but you haven’t had breakfast and you weren’t there for lunch, and I am worried,” Sirius continued, leaning forward where he was sitting, as if longing to touch Remus, make sure he was okay. “What’s wrong, Moony? Did something happen?”
  • Stupid, stupid, stupid, Remus chanted to himself as his eyes started welling up. The entire situation was stupid. 
  • “I, uh. I don’t want you to see me,” he said finally, hating how wobbly his voice was. 
  • “Why?” Sirius asked, confused. “Did you accidentally eat the enchanted cookies that make your face swell again? Because that’s okay, we can just go to Madam Pomfrey and she’ll-”
  • “No, that’s not…that’s not it,” Remus said. “I…I shaved off my hair.”
  • What?” Sirius nearly shouted, eyes going wide. “Why?” 
  • “I didn’t mean to!” Remus said, a voice in his head telling him that Sirius probably wouldn’t want to date Remus anymore. And no matter how illogical that voice was, Remus believed it. “I was just trimming my fringe because you know how much it annoys me but I kept cutting and cutting, trying to make it all even and then. Then.”
  • Sirius sat there for a couple more seconds, silence stretching between the two of them. 
  • Sirius straightened up, looking vaguely in the direction of Remus’ voice. “Remus, take the cloak off,” he said in a controlled tone. 
  • “No,” Remus breathed, pulling his knees closer in anxiety. “You’ll hate me, I look hideous.” 
  • “Moony,” Sirius said in a placating voice, getting on his knees and moving towards where Remus was hiding. “Take it off, I want to see you.”
  • Remus’ heart was thudding hard in his chest, palms going sweaty because he knew he wasn’t enough for Sirius, for anyone really, but he’d thought they’d at least make it out of Hogwarts together. 
  • Slowly, Sirius crawled up to where Remus was slumped against the wall and reached out to grab the silky, ethereal material of the invisibility cloak and pulled.
  • Remus closed his eyes, swallowing the lump in his throat and prepared himself for the rejection and ridicule. 
  • Sirius’ eyes widened when he saw Remus’ shaved head, patches of curls still intact above his left ear and the top of his head and some places beaded with blood where he had nicked himself. 
  • Sirius took in a long breath and said, “You look like you were in a fight with a drunk snake who was trying to get you with a knife that it obviously couldn’t hold. And you, quite obviously, lost.”
  • Remus clenched his jaw, finally opening his eyes to see Sirius looking at him without a morsel of amusement, grey eyes calm and serious. 
  • Sirius leaned forward to peck his boyfriend on the lips, smiling softly when he felt Remus gasp in surprise against his mouth, before pulling back and smushing Remus’ adorable face between his hands. “And that still doesn’t change the fact that I am kind of crazy about you.”
  • Remus’ shocked face only made Sirius laugh.
  • “You idiot, what did you think? That I’d break up with you because you’re bald now? Do you really think I’m that shallow?” Sirius asked with a roll of his eyes, getting up and dusting his pants. “C’mon now, let’s go get you some food.”
  • Remus got up, his mind still numb from the brush-off way Sirius was treating the whole issue. He picked up the invisibility cloak off the ground and was just about to wrap himself in it when Sirius stopped him. 
  • “What are you doing?” he asked, folding the cloak. 
  • “Sirius, give it back,” Remus said tiredly. “I don’t want anyone to see me like this.”
  • Sirius swatted his hands away and pulled Remus in a tight hug. 
  • “If you’re really uncomfortable, I’ll give the cloak back to you, but I need you to listen first,” Sirius whispered again his boyfriend’s neck and then pulled back so he could look Remus in the eye.
  • “I know you always compare yourself to others and always demean yourself, I know you don’t think you’re adequate. And it pisses me off so much when you do that because you’re fucking amazing,” Sirius said, eyes alight with passion. “I don’t have words for how amazing you are. You’ve been through so much, you struggle with so much and yet you never show it. It doesn’t matter how down you feel, you’ll put aside everything to be there for others and you never fail to show kindness and compassion. You inspire me, and everyone else, so much, honey, because I wish I could be like you; I wish I could be as smart, as talented and as kind as you are.”
  • Sirius paused to breathe and collect himself before he started bawling. “You’re so much more than who you think you are and I wish you could see yourself the way I see you,” Sirius said, pressing a small kiss to Remus’ nose and watching it scrunch adorably. “Or maybe not, because I think you’re perfect and I don’t want that to go to your head.”
  • Remus gave a watery laugh and pulled Sirius into another bone-crushing hug before the other boy could see the tears in Remus’ eyes. “Did you just call me honey?” Remus asked, trying to lighten the situation and felt Sirius give a breathy laugh against his shoulder. 
  • “I got a little too passionate there,” Sirius commented when they finally pulled apart. “But I mean it. Every word of it. And you can have the cloak if you want. And, oh my god, fuck it, I’ll shave off my hair too and then we can be the-”
  • “Sirius Black, don’t you fucking dare,” Remus said immediately, grabbing Sirius by his wand arm. “You might be all Saint like right now, but trust me, I will dump you so fast if you touch those beautiful hair.”
  • Sirius snorted. “Way to make a guy feel special, Lupin.” 
  • Remus smiled, lacing his fingers through Sirius’ as they walked towards the Great Hall.
  • “You look like your barber is a blind bat with industrial sized scissors,” Peter informed him as they walked in for dinner. 
  • “You look like an exceptionally hairy egg,” James said with a giggle. 
  • “Oi, Lupin, what happened to your head?” Avery shouted from the Slytherin table causing everyone to turn and stare at Remus. 
  • “What the fuck did you say, Avery?” James shouted, smile fading and nostrils flaring in anger. 
  • “You slimy little toadstool,” Peter added and Remus had to grab the little guy before he launched himself at Avery. 

So. There’s that. I’m sorry I didn’t answer as soon as I saw your message, I was having a bit of a shit day myself. 

And Bad Haircuts, huh? I know what a dent they can make on your self esteem, but I will implore you to remember that no matter how shit you look, your worth isn’t dependent on these strands of dead protein and that you’re amazing, no matter how you look like. I love you <3

anonymous asked:

Do you have any thoughts, feelings or opinions you'd like to share on the episode 'Tsst'? :3 I really love it and just, gawd, I need to talk about it and hear about it. It was so fascinating and interesting looking into the inner-workings of Eric Cartman's mind, and the mutual dependency of he and his mother, and how his mother essentially ruins him (or makes him the awesome Cartman we know and love, depending on how you see it). Just. That episode. Yes. Please, I love your views~ :)

Oh man. Eric and Liane. Eric and Liane… their relationship is something else.

The thing about Liane and Eric is that their relationship is mutually toxic. But at the same time it’s beautiful and altogether tragic. 

That’s pretty much presented in summary in this one scene where Eric sings to Liane to cheer her up. 

The both of them, they’re willing to comfort each other when the other is sad. Not necessarily in the healthiest way, but they do it to make each other happy. These two feed off of each other’s attention. This episode made that a lot more clear. 

The thing is, they don’t even necessarily like each other. They’ve both wished each other dead before, even. I can think of 3 different times where Liane disregarded Eric’s life. But it doesn’t matter that they don’t seem to like each other. They need each other. 

And it’s actually kind of difficult to determine who needs who more, emotionally.

Eric is still a developing child, and a fat kid who’s receives hate (albeit rightfully) from most of his peers. He’s shunned constantly, and he needs Liane’s attention in order to get by. 

Liane has literally no friends. Whenever we see her idle she’s alone, reading or watching TV. The only attention she gets from people her age is through sex. I’m not sure what’s so off-putting about Liane that she has absolutely no friends. Maybe she’s shunned because she’s the town whore and no one wants to be associated with her.

Or maybe she shares similar views to Eric (that would make a lot of sense) and none of the parents want to put up with it.  So really the only ‘friend’ she has is Eric. I guess she just wants to feel like someone needs her, and since Eric does cry for his Mom a lot I guess it’s enough for her.  

Liane has become emotionally dependent on Eric, and Liane raised Eric to be emotionally dependent on her. It’s a sad but necessary relationship at this point. 

Now about this episode particularly… 

Keep reading

lackingwander  asked:

Hank, I just reblogged a post that you reblogged and comment (awesome and insightful comment btw) and something about the previous comments caught my eye and I just wanted to ask you about it? Are breasts sex organs? When I googled it, there weren't very many sources on the matter, or well, many news articles aside from a Psychology Today post. And I don't know if you'd want to make a SciShow video about this but looking at this question from both a cultural and scientific POV is interesting.

I mean, what’s a sex organ? It’s not like there is some deity that decides what an organ’s purpose is and is and thus which organ can be shared in public. Laws (and more importantly, norms) are made by culture, not by science. So when people get all yelly about how women shouldn’t breast feed because boobs are “sex organs” and dudes aren’t waving their penises around in public, it would make equal sense to say “Women shouldn’t breastfeed in public because Shakespeare and Mark Twain weren’t contemporaries.” 

The argument makes literally no sense, and is (in my lingo) a hypothetheory (an untested argument that affirms the position of the arguer, so they never think to apply even the most rudimentary scrutiny.)

The reason some people have a hard time with public breast feeding is literally and only because their culture identifies nude breasts as taboo no matter the reason they are exposed. That’s the whole thing. That’s it. Every other argument is just someone trying to defend their worldview. Taboos are legitimate and every culture has them even if they’re rarely rational. 

This is an area where our culture has an internal disagreement about what should and should not be taboo. The real problem is that the taboo is being mostly enforced and upheld by the people who are in no way affected by it (men) to the detriment of those who are affected by it (mothers.) 

There’s an easy tie breaker here…which is the group who is being literally physically controlled by the other side’s point of view? That is the group that society should find in favor of. Breast feeding in public should be legal, which is why it is legal in every state (and with express laws on the books to protect the rights of breast feeding mothers in every state except, for some reason, Idaho.)

Interview for Kerrang, December 2004.
  • Chris: "Matt, Have you ever rejected a song for being too over the top?"
  • Matt: "(Laughs) No. Never for that reason, no. I still don't think we're even touching on the beginning of anything close to what has been done in the past in terms of what is regarded over the top."
  • Matt: "If I left the band and you could choose anybody in history to replace me, who would you have?"
  • Dom: "Jimi Hendrix. Well, he's Matt's favourite guitarist, I think. And mine. Plus, he'll fit into the three-piece vibe. It'd work."
  • Dom: "Have you ever spied me doing anything embarrassing, yet spared my blushes by not telling me?"
  • Matt: "Hmmm, Good question. I'm sure there's something. Hmmm."
  • Dom: "You saw me getting laid once."
  • Matt: "That's true, actually: I came in a room once and filmed him with a night vision camera. Ah, I know - I saw him putting on moisturiser once."
  • Chris: "What would you say, If I said I'd invented a Kiss-style image and I wanted to incorporate it onstage?"
  • Matt: "I'd say, it was about fucking time! (Laughs)About time we took it to the next level, I'd say. I've been waiting for one of these two to come up with something; I'd be very happy, yeah. But, I know these two probably wouldn't go there."
  • Chris: "I think I'd probably go there, but I don't know about Kiss."
  • Matt: "What do you think of me getting all the attention and adulation?"
  • Matt: "I don't get it all! Bollocks. Bollocks. Bollocks." (Discards question, chooses new one.)
  • Matt: "If I wanted to record a solo album, how concerned would you be?"
  • Chris: "If I could play bass on it, it'd be alright (Laughs)."
  • Dom: "Which one of us needs to see a shrink and why?"
  • Matt: "I think we've all got hidden agendas. I've never seen one, even though my girlfriend is one. Well, not yet professionally, but she probably will be."
  • Matt: "If you had to select a fancy dress outfit for me, would you choose batman, superman or wonder woman?"
  • Chris: "Batman."
  • Matt: "That's dark. I'm not a dark person, I'm the sunshine of your life."
  • Dom: "Well, I'd say Wonder Woman."
  • Matt: "That's how he'd want to see me. Ever since I saw him bend over to get an injection in his bum, there's been a strange energy between us (laughs). There's definitely suspicion."
  • Dom: "What do you get sick of me moaning on about?"
  • Matt: "Me being late."
  • Chris: "Turning the hi-hats up. Silly little things on the drums."
  • Matt: "Actually, he doesn't really moan much, does he?"
  • Dom: "Really? I thought I was a moaner."
  • Chris: "Who's the worst fighter?"
  • Matt: "If you're small like me, you've got to do other things. If you don't have the physical strength, you've got to use weapons. It's not that I fight like a girl, it's just that I'll use whatever object is at hand."
  • Dom: "I actually think I'm the worst. I smacked one guy in the face once and I thought I looked really hard, and he just turned around, looked at me, and squashed me on the floor in one go. It was quite embarrassing. So, yeah, it's most likely I'd lose, but I'd go down with my teeth in someone's leg."
  • Matt: "What do you think of my dress sense?"
  • Dom: "(Laughs) Pretty sharp these days. As opposed to... shiny pants and glitter shirts."
  • Matt: "Make-up, shiny trousers. Those were the good ol' days. I miss all that."
  • Dom: "What's the worst thing about sharing a tour bus with me?"
  • Matt: "All your faffing around. His electric toothbrush and mouthwash just winds me up. It's just annoying. For one, it reminds me how unclean I am."
  • Chris: "If a spacecraft landed in front of us and a hatch opened up - which of us would be mad enough to go onboard?"
  • Dom: "I'd be in there."
  • Chris: "I'd want to see the beings first."
  • Matt: "I wouldn't go on my own, if I knew we were all going on, I'd be happy to go first."
  • Matt: "Do you think I'm a good looking bloke?"
  • Matt: "That's ridiculous, I can't ask a question like that." (Discards question and chooses new one.)
  • Matt: "Do you two get recognised much when you're out shopping?"
  • Dom: "All the time - they think I'm Matt!"
  • Matt: "Really?"
  • Dom: "I actually did get recognised a couple of days ago at HMV in Islington."
  • Chris: "I got recognised in Co - Op once. I had to sign a little receipt."
  • Chris: "What's my most annoying habit?"
  • Matt: "Farting. I can recognise you by your farts by both smell and volume."
  • Dom: "If I'm in a hotel room, like two floors above him, I can hear him. I'm like, 'Jesus'. He's loud."
  • Matt: "If I had a hygiene problem, would you tell me?"
  • Dom: "I tell you every day (laughs). Get in the shower. Brush your teeth."
  • Matt: "That is true, that is true."
  • Dom: "Which of us has the best home movie collection?"
  • Matt: "Chris. He's got all the Bond films."
  • Chris: "On video and DVD. I try to buy about five DVDs a week."
  • Chris: "What's the worst thing about being in Muse?"
  • Matt: "..."
  • Chris: "..."
  • Dom: "..."
  • Matt: "Our legal bills. The business side. It's complicated. I wouldn't wish it on anybody."
  • Matt: "Is there any song you hate, or used to hate, playing live?"
  • Dom: "Er, no."
  • Chris: "I used to be uncomfortable with 'Blackout', because I never used to play keyboards until that song. They made me learn and I wasn't really a natural player. I was a bit on edge to start with, but I can play it a lot easier now."
  • Matt: "For me it would be a song called 'Cave'. It was on the first album, but it's probably the oldest song of anything we ever did. It was a combination of, one, it was old; and two, it had this vocal bit that had a note I had to hold for so long. It was way too long. You get the odd person still call out for it. Hardcore."
  • Chris: "Who's the biggest bitch?"
  • Dom: "Matt's the biggest and we're his bitches."
  • Dom: "If a venomous snake bit my arse, would you suck the poison out?"
  • Matt: "I'd be more than happy to. I have got medical training - I did a first-aid course. I can do resuscitation, mouth-to-mouth, all that kind of thing. If you cut an artery open, I could stop the bleeding; tie a belt around the groin, fucking do it tight and stand on it, and go, 'SHUT UP!'. Did you know when you see all that thumping of the chest stuff in films, that you can't actually bring somebody back to life by doing that? All you can do is keep them alive until someone turns up with an electrode. You're basically pumping the blood around the body to keep them alive; that's all you're doing. Drowning's a different matter, if someone's got loads of water inside their mouth, you can just blow inside their lungs and maybe they'll be able to cough and splutter it back out again. But, yeah, the venom; I'm not that advanced, but I'd give it a go."
  • Dom: "How about if it bit me on my knob?"
  • Matt: "Then I'd let you die."
  • Chris: "Who's the tightest bastard?"
  • Matt: "Dom. Although it depends what you mean (laughs). Let me think.
  • Erm... I think we're all pretty goddamn good with cash, to be honest. We're all pretty generous. And, yeah, we do charity work. But, we don't like to talk about it. We usually just give hard cash to Oxfam and that's it. We don't go around going (adopts goofy voice), 'Ooh, look at me'. The Bible says if you sing about it, you don't get recognition for it. So, I've just sung about it and blown it all (laughs)."
  • Dom: "Who's the best sportsman?"
  • Matt: "Chris."
  • Chris: "Years ago I might have accepted that, but these days I fall over and break my wrist while playing football on concrete; so I can't be that good."
  • Chris: "If I developed superpowers, would I use them for good or evil?"
  • Matt: "A bit of both."
  • Dom: "I think you'd probably take the piss."
  • Matt: "Am I in touch with my feminine side?"
  • Matt: "This actually isn't my question, I nicked it out of Dom's glass."
  • Dom: "In touch with your feminine side? Er. Yes and no. Actually, I mean, yes, but at the same time... no (laughs)."
  • Matt: "Why, what do you mean?"
  • Dom: "Well, yeah you are, because you wear women's clothes."
  • Matt: "Do I?"
  • Dom: "Yet, when I've tried to kiss you, you don't like it."
The signs when they fart
  • Aries
  • The Ram. Their farts are "Built Ram Tough". They may feel like Curly-Qs coming out of their asses because their farts mimic the curves of a ram's horns. They, the farts, sometimes like to butt heads with other farts. Since people born under the sign of Aries show strong leadership and like to get things started, they are always the first ones to fart while around other people. Their farts tend to be loud since they are energetic. Do you like to hear robust farts? Too shy to be the first one to fart? Get with an Aries.
  • Taurus
  • The Bull. Their farts can be very stubborn, and once released, they can stink up a space with power for very long periods of time-longer than average. Their farts just don't want to go away. Their farts can even be kinda sharp and hurt their *******s when they come out, because they are big and mimic the sharp horns of the bull. Since Taurus people love sensual pleasures, they must take care not to over-indulge and get greedy, or it shows in their farts. Their farts will smell very, very rank and heavy....just too overboard. The kind of fart that can peel paint off the wall and kill someone. If you enjoy fart-sniffing, hang around a Taurus. Their farts can be very rich in odor and can be exotic. Just hope they favor you with mercy and blast with some moderation, but if you like your fart play on the excessive side, consider a Taurus to play with.
  • Gemini
  • The Twins. These people cut the very best "Double Dog Delights", which is a fart that is cut, then stops, then it is quickly followed by a twin fart... one that sounds just like it. Since Geminis are great communicators, they can poot out farts in a remarkable range of pitch, tones, and intensities, as if they are creating a new language made entirely of farts. Amazing
  • Cancer
  • The Crab. Cancers tend to be very family-oriented. Although they can be a little crabby, (who ISN'T?!) they tend to be gentle at heart and love to protect their loved ones. They have the remarkable ability to mimic the farts of their other family members. A father and husband who is a Cancer, for example, can very closely replicate, with his ****, the sounds and smells of his child's farts, his wife's farts, his parents' farts, his grandparents' farts, and his in-laws' farts. Being so very protective, he may not want his family to fart in public places as to shield them from guffaws and ridicules from strangers, which is what might happen if they were to let them rip in public. Cancers make very devoted partners, and if you are into fart-sniffing, you can make your Cancer partner promise that only you will get to smell his or her farts. There's a good chance the Cancer will keep the promise. A Cancer will come to your defense if somebody else hurts your feelings by making fun of your farts.
  • Leo
  • The Lion. A fart from a Leo can come out with a great ROAAAAR! If you like 'em loud and proud, hook up with a farting Leo. Their farts have powerful strength and stamina-they will hang around for a long time-even on windy days outside. They love to be the center of attention, and may fart simply to get a reaction out of people. The smell of their farts can range from being flamboyant to shocking. They will REVEL greatly if one of their farts can get a rise out of somebody....ANY sort of reaction, whether good or bad, is what they're hoping for. Because of their ego and pride, they want their farts to be the MOST and winner in any farting contest, be it worst fart, sweetest fart, loudest fart, longest fart-whatever-it doesn't matter-a LEO will be bent on winning the contest. Leos do have a generous side, though, so if you want to sniff a fart from them, ask nicely, and they'll probably let you have a blast in the face. They also love dares. Dare them to fart in a public place and see what they do. They like their farts to say, "Remember me!"
  • Virgo
  • The Virgin. You may have a tough time getting to smell a sweet little fart from a Virgo. They tend to be modest. If you can convince a Virgo to let a fart out in front of you, that is a big feat you'd accomplish, and you should be proud. Since Virgos tend to be shy and nervous, expect a Virgo woman to blush very deeply and clap her hand over her mouth if you ever catch her farting. A Virgo is so elusive in farting, you may have a better chance at catching a Leprechaun than a fart from a Virgo. Treat the fart like a rare treasure if you ever do. Since Virgos are neat, precise, and absolute perfectionists, they will apologize profusely if their fart doesn't smell and sound perfect. You can bet their next fart will. With their analytical nature and skills, they can identify exactly what you ate by the scents of your farts. Also, if you fart in front of Virgos and try to trick them into thinking it wasn't you, like "the dog did it" or whatever, it probably won't work. Virgos don't fall for tricks easily at all
  • Libra
  • The Scales. A Libra's farts have an impressive range, just like the tip of the scales. Their farts can go from one extreme to the other, and you never know what they'll blast or poot out next. Something heavy or something light-they can do it all. Loud and stinky to soft and unscented. Silent but deadly, to an odorless EXPLOSION. They are the masters of fart varieties, and their butts let out a very entertaining show because of this. They are open-minded and love to please people, so there is a good chance that if you have a Libra mate, he or she would fart for you if it makes you happy. They love to get approval from others, so make sure you give all their farts high praise. Never take advantage of their kind-hearted nature. Don't make them over-exert themselves by asking for too many farts from them, as much as you may want more and more. A Libra person may hurt themselves while trying to please you and your appetite for farts. Make sure you let them rest and return all the pampering they give so abundantly to you. Remember, they enjoy harmony, balance, and are happy when everyone else around them is happy.
  • Scorpio
  • The Scorpion. Ah, a sexy Scorpio fart-there's nothing quite like it. A fart with a sting. A Scorpio may not fart on demand just because you want it. A Scorpio may only fart when they feel like it, so enjoy it when it happens....you never know when they might let one out. Their sense of self-confidence leads them to believe that no matter what type of fart they made, it was a damn good one. Like Leos, they also enjoy challenges and are very determined. It would be interesting to see just who would win in a farting contest-a Leo or a Scorpio....it would be a bloody-****ed battle to the death.
  • Saggitarius
  • The Centaur Archer. Sagitarians make good teachers and philosophers, as they are known to love learning about things. They will sniff a fart, remember the odor, and research all about it at the library or through other means. They will be interested in what exactly made the fart smell a certain way and why it sounded the way it did. Because of their love of knowledge and outgoing nature, you may find a Sagittarius asking a total stranger whom they heard fart, what he ate and if it hurt his **** or not when it came out. They may go on to ask the farting person how frequently he farts and if he has wet farts. Sagitarians hate false information and lies (but who doesn't?) so go ahead and tell them the truth about the details of your farts and diet if they ask. If you want to find someone who would express a curiosity and interest in your farts, go for a
  • Sagittarius.
  • Capricorn
  • The Sea Goat. A Capricorn's farts can slip out of their asses feeling like a smooth, slippery, wiggling fish's tail, or a bumpy sensation followed by a tickling one, like a goat's horns and little beard. Capricorns tend to believe that one must work to succeed. If they feel their farts are of a substandard nature in any way, they will work until the fart is up to the absolute highest in standards. Depending on what you or they want, they can shape and mold their farts to their liking because they have the discipline to keep going until the goal is accomplished. For example, if they are determined to produce a fart that is of a certain fragrance, sound, and intensity, they will keep trying to make it until they reach their goal. Capricorns are GREAT to have as lovers if you have a special fart-request in mind. Tell them exactly what you want to experience and you will be amazed at the results they can deliver.
  • Aquarius
  • The Water Bearer. Yep-you guessed it. They cut a lot of those wet farts that leave stains in their underwear. Some people like wet farts better than dry ones, too. Known for bringing fresh , new ideas to the world and having great creativity, you may find smells and sounds coming out of the bottom of your Aquarius mate that are things you have never quite smelled or heard in your life-unique and different from other people. When everybody else is farting vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry, they will fart pistachio with a lime twist. If you're looking for farts that will peak your interest because there will be something different about them, hook up with an Aquarius...they are full of surprises
  • Pisces
  • The Two Fishes. Pisces may cut the most mind-blowing farts of all. Pisces tend to be spiritual, mysterious dreamers. Their farts have been known to have hallucinogenic agents in them, and sniffing a fart cut by a Pisces could take you on a trip similar to one brought on by LSD!! Labeled as being "Magic 'Shroom Asses", Pisces delight in letting people smell their farts and having a trip. Some report seeing swirling splashes of bright colors, vibrating shapes, and a strange, floaty feeling after sniffing a fart made by a Pisces. It seems like it would be tempting for the Pisces to charge large sums of money to the ones who want to sniff their gasses, but Pisces tend to be so sweet and charitable, they will usually throw a blaster out for free. There are no reports on anyone ever experiencing a "bad trip" from a Pisces fart, either. All reports suggest that the recipients enjoyed "going with the flow", which is the usual nature of the Pisces themselves- to just go with the flow.
  • Credits 👇🏻
  • http: //www.jokeindex.com/joke.asp?Joke=3346
Perks of Being a Wallflower (Book): Sentence Starters
  • “She wasn't bitter. She was sad, though. But it was a hopeful kind of sad. The kind of sad that just takes time. ”
  • “Maybe it’s sad that these are now memories. And maybe it’s not sad.”
  • “I just want you to know that you’re very special… and the only reason I’m telling you is that I don’t know if anyone else ever has.”
  • “You can't just sit there and put everyone's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things.”
  • “We all deserve the love we think we deserve.”
  • "And in this moment, I swear, we are infinite.”
  • “It's nice to have things to look forward to.”
  • “I was very grateful to have heard it again. Because I guess we all forget sometimes. And I think everyone is special in their own way. I really do.”
  • “I was suddenly very aware of the fact it was me standing up in that tunnel with the wind over my face."
  • “Standing on the fringes of life offers a unique experience, but there's a time to see what it looks like from the dance floor.”
  • “I don't know the significance of this, but I find it very interesting.”
  • "I went downstairs and watched a half-hour long commercial that advertised an exercise machine."
  • "They kept flashing a 1-800 number, so I called it."
  • "The woman who picked up the other end of the phone was named Michelle. And I told Michelle that I was a kid and did not need an exercise machine, but I hoped she was having a good night. That's when Michelle hung up on me. And I didn't mind a bit.”
  • “We Are All Infinite”
  • “No more pencils, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks, when the teacher rings the bell, drop your books and run like hell.”
  • “Put my head under my pillow, and let the quiet put things where they are supposed to be.”
  • “We can't choose where we come from but we can choose where we go from there.”
  • “I love my mom so much. I don't care if that's corny to say."
  • “Things change, friends leave. And life doesn't stop for anybody.”
  • “There's nothing like the deep breathes after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for all the right reasons.”
  • “He said it was the kind of book you made your own.”
  • “So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.”
  • “I would die for you. But I won't live for you.”
  • “So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.”
  • “I am very interested and fascinated how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other.”
  • “I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won't tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn't change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn't really change the fact that you have what you have.”
  • “It's strange because sometimes, I read a book, and I think I am the people in the book.”
  • “It's just that I don't want to be somebody's crush. If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don't want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it too.”
  • “Enjoy it. Because it's happening.”
  • “He's a wallflower. You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand.”
  • “This moment will just be another story someday.”
  • “We didn't talk about anything heavy or light. We were just there together. And that was enough.”
  • “And I guess I realized at that moment that I really did love her. Because there was nothing to gain, and that didn't matter.”
  • “Please believe that things are good with me, and even when they're not, they will be soon enough. And i will always believe the same about you.”
  • “Just tell me how to be different in a way that makes sense.”
  • “It was the kind of kiss that made me know that I was never so happy in my whole life.”
  • “I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with someone even if they could have. I need to know these people exist.”
  • “Sometimes people use thought to not participate in life.”
  • “Maybe this are my glory days, and I'm not even realizing it...”
  • “When to stopped wishing things wouldn't fall apart, you'd stop suffering when they did.”
  • “I wonder what it will be like when I leave this place.”
  • “When the police came, they found my brother asleep on the roof. Nobody knows how he got there.”
  • “I just think it's bad when a boy looks at a girl and thinks that the way he sees the girl is better than the girl actually is.”
  • “I would give someone a record so they could love the record, not so they would always know that I gave it to them.”
  • “Why would I care whether or not he loved me when he didn't even really know me?”
  • “So, I heard you're this ninja or something.”
SEND ME ONE FOR MY MUSE'S REACTION: Pretty. Odd. Edition
  • "Things are shaping up to be pretty odd."
  • "I’m someone I’ve never met."
  • "Everybody gets their way."
  • "I never said I missed her."
  • "Things have changed for me."
  • "I want to go where everyone feels the same."
  • "I never said I’d leave the city."
  • "I’m the only one to blame."
  • "There are feathers everywhere."
  • "You do this all the time."
  • "This isn't how he paid the bills before."
  • "If you're goin', then go."
  • "I won't cut my beard and I won't change my hair."
  • "I can't prove this makes any sense but I sure hope that it does."
  • "I was born with curiosity."
  • "The piano knows something I don't know."
  • "Would it be all right if we just sat and talked for a little while?"
  • "As long as you can make a promise not to break my little heart."
  • "We're all too small to talk to God."
  • "Oh, how it's been so long,"
  • "Come save me from walking off a windowsill."
  • "I'll sleep in the rain."
  • "We must reinvent love."
  • "We'll just sing it for them."
  • "It's the greatest thing you'd ever imagine."
  • "They'll do all the thinking."
  • "It's nine in the afternoon."
  • "Feeling as good as lovers can, you know."
  • "It looks like the end of history as we know."
  • "It’s just the end of the world."
  • "You know that you feel it too."
  • "Your eyes are the size of the moon."
  • "We should feed our jewelry to the sea."
  • "I missed your skin when you were east."
  • "You clicked your heels and wished for me."
  • "I know the world's a broken bone."
  • "Melt your headaches, call it home."
  • "Hey moon, please forget to fall down."
  • "You are at the top of my lungs."
  • "Just don't put your teeth on me."
  • "It's useless searching in the cupboards."
  • "I wasn't born to be a skeleton."
  • "You remind me of a former love that I once knew."
  • "We were holding hands walking through the middle of the street."
  • "I'm just taking in the scenery."
  • "You remind me of a few of my famous friends."
  • "That all depends what you qualify as friends."
  • "The news spread all over town."
  • "Nothing really mattered except for me to be with you."
  • "I've never been more scared to be alone."
  • "I'll even have the courtesy of admitting I was wrong."
  • "If I go to hell will you come with me or just leave?"
  • "If the world were ending would you kiss me or just leave me?"
  • "She didn't ever hold me."
  • "It never made her happy."
  • "She couldn't ever have me."
  • "She couldn't ever catch me."
  • "When I look in her eyes I just see the sky."
  • "She'd wanna kiss you all the time."
  • "I'm sure I didn’t ruin her."
  • "I don’t love you I'm just passing the time."
  • "You could love me if I knew how to lie."
  • "But who could love me? I am out of my mind."

anonymous asked:

Hiya! Love the blog, as always. Bit of a random question, and feel free to skip it if you'd like :) but I'd be so curious to hear people's stories of how they first became Tom fans? I'm only curious because, for me, I totally didn't find him attractive at first (I know, I know). I saw him in Thor and The Avengers and barely looked at him...I saw real life pics of him and still didn't think much! It wasn't until I had a random dream about meeting him that I realized how hot he is! Anyone else? Xo

Hiya! Haha, great question! 

(I hope other members will tell us their stories as well!)

Let’s see…my story goes like this.

To be honest, I’d never heard of the guy before Thor and the Avengers. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even see the first Thor movie until Avengers was on its way to theaters, but I really wanted to see Avengers and when I found out that Loki was the villain of the movie, I thought, “I should probably see Thor so I know what’s up." 

So I watched Thor, and I enjoyed it. I thought ‘the guy that played Loki’ was nice looking, but it wasn’t much more to me at the time than that. Then when Avengers hit, I was totally undone by Loki. That scene when he strides down the museum steps in Stuttgard? LAWD HAVE MERCY. I saw the movie three times (once in 3D) and that scene left me in a puddle every time. (Still does, tbh.)

But I wasn’t really looking at Tom. I was looking at Loki.

Then I saw the Loki’d video he did with Josh Horowitz. I could see him as himself - the total cheeseball that he is - and that’s what did it. Seeing him as this normal guy with this really goofy sense of humor made me want to learn more about him, and I started becoming more of a fan at that point.

The classically handsome face and knife-like cheekbones and the long, lithe body (god I sound like I’m writing fic I am so sorry) certainly don’t hurt, but honestly it was everything else - that's he’s smart and well-spoken and silly and compassionate and talented - that drew me in and turned me into the complete and utter mess that you put up with today.

(also he has a really great butt)

- Mona

Target Practice
Pairing: Dean x Reader
Word Count: 1757
Summary: Based on this imagine
A/N: This was just supposed to be a quick imagine but I admit, I got a little carried away…

[x]

Your name: submit What is this?

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Dean fired the shots, consecutively into the paper target at the other end of the shooting range. Most hitting square in the chest but the final one, he aimed directly at the head. You shook your own head in disbelief. You knew he was good, he had to have been to have survived after all these years of hunting but it was the first time you’d seen it with your own eyes. You silently admitted to yourself that it certainly wasn’t helping with your crush on him. Seeing him looking so strong and confident with a powerful weapon in his hands was strangely appealing. He looked incredibly sexy and it was not something you’d bargained on when you agreed to let him teach you how to shoot.

‘See? Now it’s your turn.’ He walked back to where you were standing and offered you the gun, with an encouraging smile.

You reached out and gingerly took it in your own hands, wrapping your fingers around the handle. It was heavier than it looked. You looked at Dean anxiously but gave him a small, yet determined nod before moving to the barrier, ready to give it a shot. Nerves started to gather in the pit of your stomach and your palms felt warm and sticky. You shifted the gun between your hands as you wiped them on the back of your jeans.

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Request - Do you think you could maybe do a really fluffy Dean one where he and the reader say "I love you" for the first time? You'd be my favorite person ever. Thanks, love xx I really love your writing

(I hope you like it! xx)


Dean chuckled lowly under his breath when he allowed himself to admire you with his emerald gaze as he drove. Sitting in the passenger’s seat and unaware that he was looking at you, his warm eyes studied your beauty in just a couple of moments.

Your window was all the way down with your arm carelessly draped over the side of the Impala; the only time it moved was when you used your hands to brush your hair back from your face, for the wind was mussing it up. Your legs were stretched out with your feet on the dashboard, and the rose gold rays of the sunset outside seemed to illuminate your elegant form, making the scene even more picturesque than it already was. The lyrics to “Nothing Else Matters” by Metallica slipped out of your mouth softly and sweetly as the song played as background music, and Dean became overwhelmed with a wave of affection that made his heart beat wildly.

“Never cared for what they do; never cared for what they know–” You turned your head and broke off your quiet singing when you saw your boyfriend staring at you; you had caught him in his astonished state, and he quickly averted his eyes back to the road. Sitting up, you looked at him confusedly. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” he replied and flashed you a tender grin that reached his green orbs, making them appear a shade lighter. “Just admiring how gorgeous my girlfriend is.”

You felt heat expanding across your cheeks, and he took a hand off the steering wheel so that he could gently graze his fingers over the now-pink skin; giggling at his adoring touch, you took his hand, intertwining it with yours. “Aren’t you just the sweetest?”

“Only when you’re around.”

Giggling once more at his response, you leaned over and rested your head on his shoulder, and watched as he drove on. You breathed in his cognac and leather-y musk as you relaxed, looking up at him with a faint smile. He glanced down at you with those two bright jewels of his, lips turning up slightly at the corners to match yours. A sense of warmth flooded through you as he did, and the words that you had been wanting to say were begging to be spoken on the tip of your tongue; you became bashful, though, and held them back.

After a few more minutes of silence, you and Dean found yourselves in the middle of vast scenery; the setting sun was in full view over fields of green grass dotted with flowers, and you couldn’t help but gape.

“Wow,” you whispered.

“Ready for a break?” Dean asked with a smile, and you nodded eagerly.

He pulled over onto the side of the road and you jumped out eagerly, immediately closing your eyes and embracing the fresh air; they flew open again when yourself Dean’s arms wrap around your waist. He picked you up and you squealed in surprise, the both of you laughing, his husky laughter blending beautifully with your delicate peals.

Dean sat you down on the hood of the Impala and then sat next to you, his arm brushing yours as the two of you admired your arresting surroundings.

“It’s just so…stunning,” you murmured, and he hummed in agreement.

“I couldn’t agree more,” he returned, gazing at you at the same time.

Meeting his eyes, you were happily surprised when he took your face gently with his firm hands and pressed his lips to yours passionately. The kiss was tender and romantic with no sense of urgency whatsoever to it, and when Dean pulled away, the next three words he spoke fell out of his mouth with ease.

“I love you.” You were stunned at his confession, and he continued. “I love you so much, Y/N; more than you’ll ever know.”

He kissed you again with even more feeling than before and tears started to run down your cheeks, mixing with the taste of the embrace.

“I-I love you too, D-Dean,” Your voice was shaking in bliss, and he wiped away your tears with his thumbs when you failed to with trembling fingers.

His voice was full of happiness when he spoke again, rough with emotion as he enveloped you in his strong hold. “I’m glad.”

anonymous asked:

i haven't watched the anime so i'm really curious as to why you'd say the staff don't get the manga, could you elaborate if you have time and feel like it?

Thank you for asking! (I got another ask asking me essentially the same, I’ll just answer it here.) I was actually referring to anime adaptions in general, not specifically Gintama. Apologies for the confusion! I don’t necessarily think the staff doesn’t get the manga. However, there are a few differences between the manga and the anime. Most of them have to do with the filler episodes. Thankfully, I’ve never seen anyone else having an issue with the anime. But if you want, I’ll gladly point out some of the differences between the two. I’m nitpicky like that.

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