and look what has become of me

Call Me By Your Name Moodboard;

To you, love was about multitudes. To me, love was inordinate.

“I love you”, I would say. “How much?”, you would ask.

I couldn’t find the words to answer you then, but they have found their way to me since. And this is what I would tell you.

I would blanket the world in utter darkness; I would pull back the veil of light and reveal to you a blinding crescendo of stars.

I would drain all the seven seas and ask you to count, one by one, every grain of sand that clings to the ocean floor.

I would tally the beat of every human heart that has echoed since the dawn of our becoming, and as you look in awe at the sheer magnitude of my admission, I would take your hand in mine and tell you; if only you had let me, this is how much I could have loved you.

My laptop computer isn’t very good; but I can’t blame it considering it’s 8 years old. This is what it’s decided to do with the lighting, although watching it fail to figure out what colours cheered me up immensely.

I started HRT 2 days ago, and I’m really happy, but I also look around at all of the beautiful young trans girls who started ‘mones when they were teenagers, and how smooth and soft and womanly they look. 20-25 is when you start to really become a man. I’m 23, and just in the last 5 years my beard, chest, and arm hair has started advancing relentlessly, and it’s gone from mousy blond to black. My jawline is strengthening (this might just be my dysphoria playing tricks but it feels real) and I’m starting to bulk up even more than I already had.

I’m writing about this because I feel really lonely and unloveable, like I’m completely untouchable and I’ll never find a partner, and I don’t know what to do about that. I just want to be comfortable enough in my body that the thought of lying naked next to someone doesn’t fill me with dread, and I fear that that will never happen. 

“What was he doing? Charles couldn’t control himself. Why was Erik cowering on the ground, tears running down his face? There were blood on and around him but Charles still doesn’t understand not until he looks down at his own hands that he realises that it was too late. What has he done?”

Control Me, A Cherik Fanfic (coming soon)

Angst and a lot of it.


This is my first time doing a Cherik aesthetic so yeah it might be rough and bad but that’s what I got so far. I want to more things like this and more Cherik edits. So I hope that would become a thing. Thank you so much for love.

Musings of a Wandering Warrior

Our time together has drawn me from the cold and into the fire- and how warm- how comfortable I have become. Then I saw the look in your eyes- the smile on your lips- the hope in your heart- this is your kind of paradise- and you are mine- so how could I deny you? It took a week to dust the things forgotten- now cluttering my hole in this place. Purposely I chose the room at the furthest reaches- you need not know it exists. 

More time here would be less with you- and nothing could be more further from what I want. Restless- you think I walk to my peace of mind but I am tossing endlessly in the shadows that haunt me. What becomes of a hawk when clipped and caged? Will it learn to adapt- will it find satisfaction in the food of seed- so different than the rodent slain. I would eat gruel for you. 

These people seem a wholesome sort- their every word laying out stepping stones on the path to a simple- a humble- life for us. I will make the effort- to settle here- to know them- to aid where others cannot. For you- for me- for us- for my mother– would she be proud of what I have become? More than what has been done I can guarantee. She would have loved you Juste- 

It should be gone- this darkness inside. As the violence fades into the paths of our past- why do I still hear it calling me- feel its pull- so strong? I suffer withdraw in silence as I sip the sweet tea you give- He would have died where he stood for touching you. It was less than a guarding instinct- more than a cautious glance- how I longed to pull his insides out through whichever hole was closest.

These books bring a subtle break-  a gasp of air when suffocating- I come here to read on the rare occasion you sleep- but the things I find compete with the shadows. Restricted section it reads- and the gateway to a fix of any kind is opened- how dark the literature in such a beautiful place. It may be my paradise as much as yours after all. Tell me brat- would you see me the same in the darkness as you do in the light? 

Seven hells- may we never find out-

(screens below of restless kuroshi)

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Bon Voyage S2 Ep.8 - BTS’ letters to each other


“To. Jinjinjara, Seokjin-hyung!!

It’s your forever roommate, Suga.

Can you believe I have known you for 7 years… I remember when I met you for the first time. I’m surprised and amazed that the one who used to look so upright and kind… has become very bright and cheerful these days. I believe it’s because you’re with us. It seems like just yesterday you were nervous and not confident when you had to sing and perform on stage, but seeing your performance these days makes me think you sing really well. It’s no doubt the result of working hard for a long time. Even though I have been watching you for a long time, it still touched me how you secretly work hard to make up what you lack in. I thought of you as a hyung whom I have a lot to learn from. Let’s keep going together for a long time in the future too.

P.S: But I hope you can act your age.”


“To. JK

Hi JK, it’s hyung.

I’m always thankful to you. Thanks for having the same mental age as this 26-year-old hyung. And traveling with you this time made me feel this once again. Your fists are really strong. I will be good to you, don’t hit me, got it? And your face got tanned a lot. As I’m your hyung I’ll give you facial masks when we get back to Korea. Calm your skin and yourself as well, stop lying on my bed. You keep lying on my bed when I’m not there and send me your selfies. If you do that one more time, your face may have got tanned in Hawaii, but I’ll throw you into the fire pit in Korea. And by “fire pit” I mean my firey heart. You can come into my big embrace. Thanks for always becoming our team’s teacher and energizer. To Jungkook who’s kind and handsome and strong and has nice body and big eyes and sings well and dances well, I love you.”


“To. Namjoonie-hyung

Hi hyung, it’s our team’s maknae, Jungkook.

I’m not the type to write letters often so I don’t know where to start, but I’ll try this time. This is something I always think about every day, but I really am inspired a lot by our team. Although I’m inspired by all 7 members, but I’m especially inspired the most by you. I always want to do a lot of things but can’t stick to them long, like how you guys always joke with me. But gradually, it feels like I really became that kind of person. When you work, talk about music, compose or speak in English, I feel like I grew a sense of confidence and passion. I know it must be tired for you, but please keep showing me your that cool side of yours in the future. I will keep following you from behind. You are a really awesome person.”


“To Jimin.

Hi Jimin.

It cringes me a little to write a serious letter to you like this, but I’ll try. Hope you understand. When we were trainees, we came to Seoul without knowing anything. We would wake up, put on uniforms, go to school together, eating together after school ends, go to the practice room together, go back to the dorm together, and chat together at night. 6 years passed and unknowingly, you have become my dearest precious friend. There was a time before we debuted when you were anxious because of the debut. I had a meeting with the company at that time. They asked me “What would it be if Jimin was on the team?”. After thinking for a while, I said, “There’s no one who’s by my side when I’m tired or happy to laugh and cry with me but Jimin. I hope such a friend could be by my side. I want us to debut together.” It felt good to say that. I’m happy that we was able debut together and make lots of good memories. And sorry, because I’m always the one who take. Even know, you still cry with me when I cry in the bathroom, laugh with me when we sneak out at dawn, care about me and think of me, work hard because of me and understand me, listen to my worries, liking someone who’s lacking so much like me. Let’s keep walking together on the flower path for a long time. I love you, my friend.”



So my first letter is to you. I have mixed emotions. Like the pebbles on the beach we saw in Hawaii, it’s hard to pick out what I want to say to you. Maybe it’s because we’re cherishing so many memories and so many moments like the sea we saw? I thought of the time when I first met you. Seeing you following your father, roaming around the dorm with big eyes and pouty lips, I already felt it from first sight. “This kid will be a rascal”. I remember how anxious you were before we debuted. Your unique and strange character is so vague that I sometimes questioned what’s in you that helped you endure all the way here. But as time passes and I mature more, I learned that even I, who I myself thought was the most normal, am quite strange and unique like an alien. I was drawn by your strangeness. Sometimes I really envy you. Because you can get close easily to anyone and everyone likes you. Your strangeness proved to be your unique charm. It may sound cringeworthy, but as a friend, a hyung who have been with you from the beginning of your trainee journey to now, I wanted to say thank you to you. Thank you for not becoming a farmer, not playing saxophone and came to Big Hit instead. Let’s keep up the good work. Fighting.”


“To. My bro Suga
From. J-hope

Hi hyung? It’s Hoseok.

Without realizing, we have been together for 7 years, including our trainee days. When I first moved to the dorm, I was awkward and unfamiliar with everything, so I only stayed in the living room, but you came and talk to me first, helped me relax. I still can’t forget that time. You were like the savior to me, a Gwangju kid. Always by my side when I’m hurt, always by my side when I’m sad. You’re always there to support me and become my strength when I’m tired or exhausted. When I was tired from seasickness in Bon Voyage 2 this time, the first one I saw after opening my eyes was you. I couldn’t say then but I was really grateful to you. Through this letter and this chance, I want to tell you again that my gratitude to you is as great as the time we spent together. Hyung, thank you for becoming a member of BTS, thank you for becoming my dependable brother. Please keep staying by my side forever. I love my bro.”


“To. Hoseokie-hyung

This wasn’t my first letter to you so I thought it wouldn’t be hard, but it was indeed not easy. I’m nervous. You’re the one whom I talk and share a lot with so think you’ll know well what I think and what I want to say. What do I think when I see you? “This person is really truthful and sincere”, “This person is really upright and kind”. You are probably the first one that made me understand a person can become this cool just by being truthful and sincere. As your brother and fellow member, I have a lot to learn from you. I wanted to tell you that I know you are always working hard to take care of us and I’m always sincerely thankful to you. Thank you, hyung. I hope you can take care of your body and stop worrying too much. To my hyung who I’m always thankful for, I love you.”

anonymous asked:

Jack, I saw the video "Toughest Year on YouTube" and I wanted to ask if you want your viewers to perhaps tone things down a little if you feel that we are placing a lot of pressure on you to keep churning material and do your best. I understand everyone needs to be challenged but do you feel the burnout because we express how much you mean to us and how we share our burdens with you, and with you being unable to reciprocate your difficulties... If we can do ANYTHING please let us know!

No! No toning down necessary! If anything I want to go bigger and better this year with everything. 

The reason burnout and pressure set in so much this year is because I let it. I didn’t deal with it properly and didn’t know what to do with myself when my self worth was questioned. Not to mention so many of my relationships with various people changed dramatically this year and not really having anyone to look up to anymore sort of left me wandering aimlessly. So I’ve decided to try BE the person to look up to and help build others up and accomplish their goals. I want to lead people and inspire instead of following along or doing what I was told. 

When I said “I wondered if I had depression” I don’t think I actually HAVE depression right now, at least not in a serious capacity. It was just the first time I ever had to ask myself that which is what scared me the most. I was so unsure of myself and what was going on when normally I’m very self aware. So I’ve decided to look into it and seek out solutions and help before it decides to get any worse. Little seeds of doubt that I want to eradicate before they become debilitating. 

I dunno man, my mind is awash with thoughts but it’s an exciting time. I feel like I’ve gotten some sort of purpose or drive again to try my best. Youtube falling apart slowly and feeling like I could be forgotten or left behind has sort of invigorated me to not let that happen and to break through that wall and say “WHAT’S UP FUCKERS!!!” haha.

So let’s do cool shit this year! Not second guess ourselves and I promise you all right now that if stuff DOES get too much, I will take the time necessary to work on me to get through it but please please don’t feel like you all have to hold back for my sake. I am a grown adult after all and know how to take care of myself. If anything, the enthusiasm and engagement you guys show is the biggest motivator for me to know I’m doing something right. It’s what drives me to continue to do my best and make you all proud, it’s that lack of spark I felt this year that has somewhat lead me to where I am now so please don’t let that passion die! Let’s ignite that fire again this year and show everyone what we can do :D

Witch Tips (From my Mom who taught me Tarot):

  • Your cards should be acquainted with your essence. Put them somewhere special to you to charge them. Keep them with a childhood stuffed animal or in a drawer with your favorite clothes. I keep mine in a puppet I’ve adored since I was a baby.
  • If you’re reading for a friend, try to forget who they are. You won’t help if you tell them only what they want to hear
  • If a spread looks really horrible, redo it. If the redo is still awful, tell the person receiving the reading that their soul is not right for a reading right now. Do not do shitty readings and let the person receiving become self-fulfilling prophesy.
  • Your deck is an extension of you. Make sure you respect it.
  • Intent is everything when it comes to life.

This is all from the woman who raised me and has had 40+ years of experience in tarot divination. I may make more posts about what she’s taught me.

The Problem with Modern Clown Breeding

Alright, this may be out of line, but there’s an elephant in the comically-undersized room and it’s high time we addressed it. Simply put, breed standards have become stringent to the point where inbreeding, and all the health issues that come with it, is rampant in the clown-showing circuit. Confused? Let me show you an example.

This is what a Belgian Spurthigh looked like in the late 1800s. Like most breeds in the Japing group, it was bred for function over form - those distinctive bony spurs on its hips, for example, protected the pelvis during particularly intense pratfalls. But over the last 100 years, we’ve exaggerated these features to a grotesque degree - take a look at the modern Belgian Spurthigh.

A single-minded focus on aesthetics has turned the breed into a warped caricature of its past self, and a veritable time bomb of health issues. Cataracts and hip dysplasia are so common that newly-hatched chucklets have to be tested for them, and the hip spurs are so pronounced in utero that they run the risk of puncturing the egg sac. Let me emphasize that again: in their current state, they cannot lay eggs naturally - to prevent the eggs from puncturing themselves, you have to give the mother a C-section and pull the strings of egg sacs out like a bunch of handkerchiefs tied together. This is not a state any living thing should exist in.

But how did it get this bad, you ask? Blame clown-showing authorities like the American Kook Club. The breed standards they set defining “ideal” clowns have gradually called for more and more pronounced features. When individuals win big events like Jokesminster, every breeder of that breed wants to to have the winner sire a litter with one of their clowns. When everyone is focused on a single, homogeneous ideal, inbreeding runs rampant and the breed’s gene pool shrinks dramatically.

So what do we do now? Unfortunately, there isn’t an easy solution. Preserving high-risk breeds may require crossing over with related breeds (in the case of the Belgian Spurthigh, we’ve seen some success with Andalusian Fool mixes). Clown breeders must continue to put pressure on the AKC and other authorities to prioritize health when defining breed standards. The clown breeds we know and love are in danger, but I believe that if we work together, we can continue to have happy and healthy clowns for generations to come.


shower sharing, yes?

[translations] 2017.07.06 NCT 127 First Anniversary Event fan accounts - Rolling Paper

Taeil -> Johnny
Chicago monster bro. I love your physiques, are you perhaps a model? Thank you for always looking out for the rest of the members by taking on the role of the middle man. [chewchew_do]

Taeil -> Taeyong
Your features are so beautiful. Your eyes nose lips, no, I love everything about you [cheetahparrot]

Taeil -> Yuta
Yukkuri ….. ????? (fan accounts say that yuta was laughing so hard that he couldn’t read it)

Taeil -> Doyoung
How are you? Cutie. Every time I see your shoulders I think you are so handsome. I’m fine thank you bro [dukduk0614]

Taeil -> Jaehyun
Jaehyun I like your burning passion, in the future please burn that bright and pass the passion on to the remaining members as well [chin9deura]

Taeil -> Winwin
Ni Hao, Dong Si Cheng. I heard you play games really badly, practice more. Anyway you are so cute. I think you have gotten used to living in Korea, and gotten close with the members. Dong Si Cheng, Wo Ai Ni [nct_victory]

Taeil -> Mark
Cute. You are so cute. I can always feel a lot of things when I’m with you. Thank you bro [markleezzang]

Taeil -> Haechan
Our Lee Haechan who usually joke a lot but lately you became quiet. However now I like how you are joking around again. We nag at you is because we like you. I’m thankful that you are doing the role of the maknae well, and became the mood-maker too. Bye bye I love you [xzzanx]

Johnny -> Taeil
I am an only child in the family. But because hyung was by my side I was able to feel how is it like to have an older brother. I feel really happy and secured with hyung by my side. I am always thankful for that. Even though hyung don’t express it, but I know you like me a lot. I love you hyung. [chin9deura]

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Frisk: “Are you an interior decorator? Because when I saw you, the entire room became beautiful.“
Chara: “I think you’re trying too hard, Frisk.”

Charisk is important. Now to try working on things that I was supposed to do tonight.

anonymous asked:

do you have any stranger things/it crossover headcanons?

- bev would befriend el without hesitation. she’d think she was the most precious thing on earth

- okay but mike and dustin would be best friends? like mike would tell dustin about derry’s history and dustin would just talk about all the weird shit that happens in hawkins

- eddie and will friendship, my two smol beans

- richie and mike not getting along because richie keeps cracking jokes at his bowl cut or saying nancy is hot and mike just not taking this kid’s shit

- lucas and stan gushing over bird watching and D&D

- joyce would become bev’s mother figure fight me on this

- and hopper would basically become bill and georgie’s father figure

- eleven staring at richie sometimes because he looks so much like mike and richie just winking at her to make her blush

- eddie loves that he and eleven looks so similar when she grows her hair out, plus he enjoys how quiet she is and that she’s so curious about all his medication and his cast

- “your arm? whats wrong with it?”

- “its a long story, el”

- richie nicknaming eleven ‘ellie’ because it rhymes with ‘eddie’ and mike is fuming over that because she loves it now

- nancy having to put up with richie flirting with her 24/7

- ‘what’s cookin, good lookin?’

- ‘mike, get your twin away from me!’

- ben and jonathan are both into photography and they basically become joined at the hip and jonathan takes ben to the school’s photo studio and all the picturesque places in hawkins

- looks like babysitter steve has 7 more children to take care of

- max and bev are basically sisters the moment they meet because they’re both tom boys, plus they both fawn over each other’s hair

- bill and mike would be best buds too, they’re basically the same person 

- will having to put up with richie’s flirting as well, just because it pisses mike off to no end

- ben and dustin bromance

- mike and mike both making everyone fucking confused because of their names

- ‘hey, mike?’

- ‘yeah?’ ‘yeah?’

- steve would basically pull his hair out having to deal with mike and richie’s constant bickering, dustin and stan’s heated arguments over D&D lore, max, bev and eleven teaming up and pranking the others, eddie and will ignoring the others and going into the corner to draw together, mike, bill and ben all giving different (and ridicilous) advice to lucas on how to ask max out on a date

- dustin would tell the losers about max’s high score on dig dug and you can bet your ass richie bet her everything he had that he would beat her

- he didnt, and he lost $15 to lucas

- jonathan and nancy babysit georgie together and they basically turn into his adoptive parents they’re so good with him

- the losers take the stranger kids to the quarry and they all take turns jumping in together, eleven shows off her powers by making loser mike float, she also splashes richie whenever he goes too far with teasing her mike

- swear down stan develops a little crush on mike because he looks like richie but acts like bill and he’s a goner

- they all have a huge sleepover in mike’s basement and richie and mike end up bonding over star wars and they soon become best fucking friends and talk about el and eddie until dawn because they’re both so in love



Real-world Analogs for Bloodborne’s Architecture

This is a partial documentation at best; nevertheless, I’d like to share what some casual research has yielded for possible points of inspiration for Bloodborne’s environmental concept artists.

Probably the most inarguable association I’ve found so far. You can see at least a couple of buildings around Central Yharnam modeled on the one depicted in the concept art. Below that is a photo of the Richardson Olmstead Complex. Despite all of the alterations the Bloodborne version makes, the building’s general shape has been preserved, and the towers are unmistakably indebted.

Above is the bridge that links the Upper Cathedral Ward’s manor to the Lumenflower Gardens; below is a painting of the Rialto Bridge. You can find photos of it, but I thought this moonlit picture was especially complementary. Perhaps the largest difference here is the portico; Bloodborne’s moves away from a rusticated single-arched design to one that is tripartite but still vaguely Italian, with a scrolled pediment and allusion to Venetian windows. Thanks go to Richard Pilbeam for providing the screenshot (and several more).

Here’s where the associations become largely a matter of style or hopeful guesswork. Above you see the triumphal archway that leads to your encounter with the Cleric Beast; and below is Philadelphia City Hall. I’m not saying that the latter explicitly informed the former – just that the arch has the general look of Second Empire designs, and that City Hall’s facade was a convenient comparative point. What throws me off the most about the main (seemingly broken) pediment for Bloodborne’s arch is that all of it is shallow relief sculpture; the tympanum, very unusually, has next to no recession. Makes me wonder if the designers copied a design and didn’t bother volumizing it.

We’re more or less going on silhouettes now. The screenshot is a view from, I believe, the cliffside close to the Cathedral District; the two photos are both of Prague churches, the first St. Vitus Cathedral and the second Church of Our Lady before Týn. What I’m paying attention to here are the towers’ tops. Compare St. Vitus’ main tower’s twin-cupola dome to the building in the lower-left (not extreme left), also sporting miniature onion domes on the corners. And compare Týn Church’s agglomerated spires with that of the closest structure in the screenshot. Again, guesswork, but it‘s the best I can do for now.

This is nothing but a formal comparison. You might think that the rotund structure on the left with arched windows and conical roof set against a gabled wall is an arbitrary design, but it’s in fact the standard design for the exteriors of Romanesque churches’ apses. The photographed church is San Piero a Grado. Bloodborne’s variant is merely taller, turning the form into more of a tower.

And we’re ending on another formal comparison. The screenshot shows a scene from the lower stretches of Old Yharnam, while the photograph shows a gabled side of St. Marien Church in Greifswald. Emphases here are on the steep and significant roofs whose gables are lined with elongated, pointed-arch windows – or blind niches containing actual windows here and there – with angular mock turrets interrupting the gables’ sloping roofline. This is a generally Geman and Flemish type of design and interpretation of Gothic principles; you won’t find it in, say, Italy or England during concurrent periods.

The Last Jedi Trailer Breakdown

* Please note that the following breakdown contains some potential spoilers for the movie - they’re mostly based on inferences and rumours, but you probably want to skip this post entirely if you’re spoiler-averse. *

I’m exhausted (I woke up way too early to watch that trailer!), but I knew I couldn’t rest until I had done this. There is so much to unpack here, so you’ll have to excuse me for omitting some things (mainly space battles) and skimming over others. 

I’m sure I’m wrong with a good chunk of this, but this is all meant in good fun.

I hope you enjoy my first stab at breaking this baby down - if you think it can be improved or spot anything that needs to be corrected, please let me know.

Keep reading

I think a lot of people don’t know how the world works, so let me demonstrate why guns need to be accessible with the wholesome, comprehensible power of stick figures.

That guy on the left is Philip, and he’s pissed. It may be for money, boredom, disregard for human life, or maybe even supernatural possession, but he wants to walk into Building and murder everyone.

In this scenario, guns are accessible to the public.

Oh shit. Everyone’s gonna die. But that may not be the case. For you see, EVERYONE can go through the process to get a gun. Ergo…

Look at that. The odds are even. That guy has the ability to carry a gun. The odds are even.

These guys can get guns too. Suddenly, the odds are stacked for everyone surviving Philip’s rage.

Now, let’s look what happens if nobody can access guns.

Everything loo-


Wait, why does Philip have a gun? Those are illegal! Let me extrapolate. Philip is planning mass murder. So he’s not worried about breaking the law to get a gun unlawfully. And unless anyone here is also a frequenter of the Black Market, it looks like this Building is about to become a Morgue.

Is it obvious why guns should be accessible now?

Writing Prompts

Send me your requests HERE with your prompt choice and ship / character of choice! (Please no more than 4) and also add your own request merged into it if you want??

  1. “Give me your jacket, I’m freezing.”
  2. “These shoes were made to kick you in the ass!”
  3. “Are you okay?”                                                                                          “I don’t know how to answer that.”
  4. “It’s no big deal, its just a few scratches.”
  5. “I’m so cute, I don’t see why you aren’t dating me.”
  6. “We made a deal and you’ll keep your end, one way or another.”
  7. “You look cute when you smile, you should do it more often.”
  8. “Why are you blushing?”
  9. “I’m always here and you just ignore me.”
  10. “I’ve worked my ass off to get you in this position.”
  11. “Grab my hand!”
  12. “No, listen to me.”
  13. “I don’t know if I can keep going like this.”
  14. “There’s no shame in taking a step back.”
  15. “I’ll kill you, you sick bastard. I’ll kill you, you’re a fucking monster who deserves to die.”
  16. “Is that… a dog?”                                                                                   “No, Its a fucking horse. Of course its a dog, dumbass.”
  17. “I walked here to you in the rain, this is how much I love you.”
  18. “You are quite the mystery, aren’t you?”
  19. “Let go of me!”                                                                                        “I’m barely touching you!!”
  20. “You’re so cute when you’re mad.”
  21. “Do you believe in love?”
  22. “Put me down!”
  23. “You’re so small, it’s adorable.”
  24. “Look, this isn’t a guilt-trip: I just genuinely want to know if you dislike me so I can stop bothering you.”
  25. “We can’t be friends anymore.”
  26. “Open your fucking eyes, it’s so obvious that I’m in love with you!”
  27. “Don’t you dare touch him/her.”
  28. “Please don’t be mad at me.”
  29. “Don’t do anything stupid, I’m gonna help you.”
  30. “They say less is more, but when have I lived by that?”
  31. “Hey, don’t touch anything. I don’t know how stable it all is.”
  32. “I hate how you’ve made me broken.”
  33. “I’m a screamer. Not sexually, just at life in general.”                                     “I can make that sexually.
  34. “This isn’t one of my more subtle plans, but considering how long it’s been since I ate or drank or slept, I think I’m doing pretty good.”
  35. “If I wanted you dead, this room would be a lot quieter.”
  36. “Do you ever shut up?”
  37. “You’re such an ass!”
    “But a fine looking one, yes?” 
  38. “You’re safe now, I’ve got you.”
  39. “Since when did you become a badass?”
  40. “I don’t know why, but I think I’m in love with you.”
  41. “Holy shit! You’re bleeding!”
  42. “I’d like to talk to you when you have your pants on, okay?”
  43. “If anyone could have saved me, it would have been you.”
  44. “Everyone has a breaking point.” 
  45. “I refuse to play along with this. No thank you, go away.”
  46. “What now?”                                                                                               “I don’t know, I didn’t think we’d live this long.”
  47. “They might not want you, but I understand you, and- well, I like who you are and I want you. Please don’t believe what they say.”
  48. “Are you done staring?”
  49. “Never let go.”
  50. “You broke your promise, you can’t come back from that.”
  51. “Hey, are you awake?”
  52. “I love how we all use affectionate pet names and flirt with one another. It’s nice, having such a close knit group of friends, you know?”        “Okay but have you considered: fuckpile.”
  53. “Stay here, I’m gonna go get help.”
  54. “Despite what you think, I can actually express emotions just like any other person.”
  55. “I’m so sorry-”                                                                                      “Then why would you do that to me?! You betrayed me!”
  56. “It happened again.”
  57. “I don’t like you, but for some reason you make me feel fuzzy.”
  58. “Can I kiss you?”
  59. “So what, you bitter piece of fuck? I’m nasty, lewd, I swear every third fucking word, and I am a better person than you. oh, that burns doesn’t it? That a shit like me is more moral and good and pure than you can ever be?”
  60. “Me? What about you?”
  61. “Oh shit, okay. I’m gonna toss you over my shoulder and book it okay, no way I’m trying to fight these fools. Don’t bleed out onto my back, ‘kay?”
  62. “I’ve been thinking about you. More specifically, where you fit in my future.”
  63. “I didn’t ever think I’d fall for someone like you.”
  64. “Stop fighting!”
  65. “Don’t ever talk to me ever again.”
  66. “Please, just give me a break. I’ve been so busy, trying so fucking hard- I’m doing the best I can. Please, please don’t ask more of me.”
  67. “I wish I could lovingly craft the words together to describe how angry you make me.”
  68. “Looks like we both have detention together.”
  69. “It was over when you said goodbye to me.”
  70. “I hate school and everyone in it.”                                                        “Even me?”                                                                                         “You’re an exception.”
  71. “Kiss me.”
    “No thank you- I don’t want your germs near me at all.”
  72. “Oh, fuck off you piece of shit. You think I care about you? That I give a damn about your feelings? Fuck off- I’m first in line for your head.”
  73. “Have sex with me.”
  74. “Please make me feel alive.”
  75. “You’re the only thing that is keeping me on this fucked up world.”
  76. “Even on the shittest days, you’re always there to brighten them.”
  77. “I love you just the way you are.”
  78. “Your stretch marks are like tiger stripes, it makes you look fucking badass.”
  79. “Stop asking me if I’m alright. My last answer was ‘annoyed’, why would it change any time soon?”
  80. “I will not leave you. No matter how hard it gets or how rough things are, I will always be here. I will not leave you.”
  81. “You are such a fucking cliché.”
  82. “Stay close to me.”
  83. “I can’t do everything!”
  84. “You’re art.”
    “But I’m nothing like your art.”
  85. “I think I owe you an apology.”
  86. “Have you seen- oh
  87. “Did you do that for me?”
  88. “That’s a weird way to say ‘I love you’.”
  89. “Are you happy?”                                                                                  “Yes, very.”                                                                                         “Good … that’s good. That makes me happy.”
  90. “Sorry to interrupt but you need to move your hands away from him/her before we have a problem.”
  91. “When I first met you, I thought nothing of you, now you mean everything to me.”
  92. “Please, I can’t live without you.”
  93. “Surprise!”
  94. “You told me it wasn’t my fault, so why are you blaming me now?”
  95. “Shut up!”                                                                                            “Make me.”
  96. “I’ll fucking kill him/her.”
  97. “Are you jealous?”
  98. “Are you flirting with me?”
  99. “You know me better than I know myself.”
  100. “What do you do when you realise you might not be the good guy?”
240: An Act of Kindness

A/N: I was absent for five days in seventh grade, right before the end of third quarter, and had to make up a ton of work before the quarter was over. I was incredibly stressed out and learned I had a creative writing essay due in two days about a memorable moment in my life. On the last day, I wrote this. 

I broke down in the hallway one day at school. The stress of scrambling to catch up five days’ absence from middle school was taking its toll, and I was sinking lower and lower in panic and desperation. I was starting to give up, thinking nothing could help me now. In a school of over a thousand people, I felt completely and totally alone. Little did I know, an act of kindness could turn everything around.

Let me set the scene. It was a normally busy day at Frost Middle School, between classes. I was rushing through the hallways, already late from having held the door for some kids in the rain. The rainy day seemed to have waterlogged my heart. Nothing felt worth doing, and it felt like all the effort I put into doing things right was always destroyed by random chance.  There was a constant emptiness in my chest that I couldn’t ignore. I was ready to give up, to stop caring about what happened. As a result, when somebody shoved me down by my locker, I just let him push me, then curled up into a ball, whispering to myself that I couldn’t take it anymore.

Curled up against my locker, I sat there for what felt like an eternity, not really caring whether or not I was breaking up the long chains of people who usually walked through the hallways. I didn’t care whether or not I would be late to class. I didn’t care that people were stepping on my books. Likewise, I was numb to the sensation of people brushing and bumping against me, and the cacophonous clamor of the hallways was muted in my ears.  Suddenly, I heard a clear voice from right above me.

“Are you okay?” As I looked up, I could see the question was asked by a tall girl with red hair. Her hand was extended towards me, and I gratefully took it, the guilt of being even later to class shoved in the back of my mind. I could only repeatedly thank her as she picked up my books for me. When I asked her name, she smiled and replied, “I’m Victoria. But you can call me Tori,” as if she was sure we would cross paths again. Then she disappeared into the chaos of the hallway, leaving me standing there gape-jawed and speechless, books in hand and mind reeling. Tori’s act of kindness had filled me with hope. It was a reminder to me that even at the worst times, there would be people who cared.

I never got a chance to say thank you. I’m still looking for Tori, but she has become a symbol of caring and hope in my mind. The act of kindness that she committed towards me that day was sometimes the only thing that kept me afloat in the more stressful parts of recovering the days I had lost. If it is true that we never see one another again, I want to use this assignment to say thank you indirectly. Tori saved me from what could have been completely giving up. This is not something I’ll easily forget.

- @shiftcloak